As soon as Glinda shut the door to her dorm room, her legs started to buckle. "Steady Glinda", she told herself. She managed to make it down to the small parlor at the end of the hall. Thankfully no one was there. She threw herself into a chair in a corner and burst into tears. "Elphie, I'm so sorry, please forgive me." She sobbed, her body shaking. She cried, thinking about all that had transpired since yesterday morning. Was it really only yesterday. Her small body trembled. She felt alone and out of her depth-What had she done?
"Why did she leave me like this?" Elphaba folded herself up and tried to melt into the floor. For once she didn't want to be alone. She had never experienced this type of intense emotional pain. How could she survive feeling all of this? All the events that had happened to her since yesterday hung over her like a storm cloud "How will I ever find my self in all of this" she thought as she started to cry. Feeling the sting of tears on her face, reminded her who she was.
Glinda cried, long and hard, letting go of all of the pain, anger and frustration that had built up. She still couldn't believe that Elphaba had been raped. She sobbed harder thinking about what her precious roomie had gone through, and what she must be going thorough right now. Finally, the tears stopped. She was exhausted and drained of energy. "Now, it's time to pull yourself together." She had never had to be this strong for anyone, to protect anyone. She was always the protected. "Do this for yourself Glinda, Do it for your Elphie" She hoped she could.
Elphaba cried into her sleeve for a short while. Then, feeling an extreme need to stop- she did. "You are Elphaba, odd green girl, you do not cry. " She chided herself. "Now pull yourself together and get on with it already." With a great deal of effort she pulled herself up off the floor and hobbled over to her bed, indulging in a groan of pain, she lowered her self down. "Ok" she thought feeling more like herself "I can get through this. I am who I always was. Being raped did not change that. The physical pain will ease. And the other will fade with time. I just need to allow myself the time, and give my self permission to be upset or hurt or whatever. I can do this" she reasoned "but not without Glinda"
Glinda had calmed down considerably and was back in control of herself. "I hope I did the right thing, leaving like that" she said a silent prayer. She figured one of two things had happened. Either Elphie had found away to reclaim a piece of herself or she had shut down completely. Either way the two hours she had been gone would tell the tale. She hoped what ever happened she could cope, She knew whatever happened she would always love Elphie and need her. She decided to go to the café for some food for both of them before heading back. "Stand tall, be strong, you can do it" she said out loud.
Elphaba resigned herself to the fact that Glinda was now apart of her life. "This will be the hardest to deal with," She thought. Having never relied on anyone but herself, she wasn't sure if she could, but she was willing to try. She thought about all the poor girl had gone through with her, and she felt bad, not wanting her to be in distress. "I guess I do care about her" she mused. Elphie made her way to the bathroom to clean up and change. She put the medicine on her cuts and bruises and sighed "This pain is not permanent" she said out loud "She hoped it was true about the other.
Glinda came in the room carefully not sure what to expect. Not seeing Elphie still on the floor made her relax a little. "Glinda is that you? She heard from the bathroom. "I'll be right out" Glinda put the tray on the table, feeling anxious-nervous." She set out the food and poured Elphie some cider then put a fluffy pillow on her chair. "Relax, " she told herself "She sounds…" Then Elphie came out, and walked over. She looked pale, exhausted and in pain, but a little more like herself. Before Glinda could say anything Elphaba swept her up in a tight embrace. Glinda hugged her back, all of her tension suddenly gone. "Are you ok?" she whispered. She felt her friend kiss her cheek and pull away. "Not really" she sighed "but I will be" and hugged Glinda again. After Elphaba had settled in her chair she took Glinda's hand "I need to talk"; she said "So do I" said Glinda her eyes filled with tears. "But first let's eat something" They nibbled in silence for awhile, and Elphie drank almost all the cider. "Thank you for getting this, I didn't know crying was so dehydrating" she said smiling. She looked at the small blonde across from her, she seemed anxious about something "Glinda, is something wrong?" Elphie, I need to know…." She stopped "Know what? Ask anything." Does you hugging me mean I can comfort you now?" Elphaba laughed for the first time in a while. " That's what I need to talk about, my sweet, but yes, you may comfort me, but start slow, I'm feeling a little uncertain about all of this" Whatever you need" Glinda said gently, kissing her roomies soft green hand. "I'm just glad you made it through" Glinda helped Elphie over to her bed. "Do you need pain pills? She asked cautiously " No, I'm fine for now, and Glinda, please don't be afraid of me, no more snapping- I promise" She patted the bed beside her and Glinda sat down "I'm not afraid of you Elphie- never, I just don't want to… " I know," said Elphie, "You won't" "Ok then". Glinda agreed cheering up.
"I need to know, Glinda" Elphaba said seriously "Why did you leave me?" Glinda immediately teared up "Oh Elphie please forgive me I wasn't…" No, my sweet, don't cry, please it's ok, Just how did you know?"
"I didn't for sure," Glinda said drying her tears. " I just knew, that since a lot of what was bothering you was how you were reacting to your own emotions, especially how they related to me." Glinda stopped looking into Elphie's dark eyes. Elphie nodded, wanting her to go on, "When you collapsed, I knew you were at a crossroad. Either you would accept how you were feeling as a part of you, or you would shut down" Glinda reached for her friends hand, lace her fingers around the soft green ones. My instinct was to gather you up in my arms and hold you, but knowing you as I do, I knew that would be the worst thing to do, and not trusting myself not to, I left. It broke my heart, but I left." Tears had returned to the trembling girls eyes and she felt Elphie wipe them away, "No Elphie, your skin" cried Glinda as she pulled away. "A little burn is nothing compared to a broken heart," Elphie said sadly. "Can you forgive me?" Glinda asked, "There is nothing to forgive Glinda. If any thing I should be asking yours for everything I have put you through." Glinda hugged her friend. " Elphaba don't be ridiculous, you didn't put me through anything- everything I did, I did because I wanted to help- I wanted you to feel loved and protected after your ordeal" Elphaba turned away "That's what I don't understand, why would you hurt yourself just to help me? What in Oz do you get out of it?" "I get my Elphie back" she whispered.
Glinda took Elphie's arm to gently turn her around. "Look at me, please Elphie, and listen, this is important." Glinda noticed Elphie wiping away tears and gently offered assistance. Elphaba looked into her roommate's earnest blue eyes. "Do you remember the first time it rained after we got to Shiz". "Elphaba had to smile. "Yeah," she laughed "you tried to kill me" Glinda smiled to remembering the downpour that started as they were leaving class. She ran out into the rain, and when Elphaba lagged behind under the doorway, she grabbed her hand to drag her along. Her hand had gotten wet. "Not intentionally", Glinda pouted. "Although at that time the thought had crossed my mind once or twice" she chuckled. "That was the first time you told me about your water allergy and what water does to your skin." "I had no choice-it was either that, or suffer third degree burns skipping through the rain" Elphie laughed too. "That, my friend, " "Said Glinda "was the first time I truly, honestly cared about what happened to you." "I wondered why you waited with me 'til the rain stopped. But what….? Elphaba looked puzzled. "Do you remember what happened that night? Glinda asked softly. "Elphie thought back "That was the first time I learned you were terrified of thunderstorms" "Yes, I was alone for the first time in my life during a storm and I was petrified". Glinda replied "I tried to calm you down, talk to you." Elphie said, " I remember "Glinda, don't be a baby, it's just a little thunder and lighting"" Elphaba winced at the memory." Glinda continued "But then you came and crawled into bed with me and put your arms around me and dried my tears, burning your own skin in the process. Why did you do that? We didn't even really get along then" "I don't know why, you seemed so scared, seemed to need something. I sometimes had to hold Nessa when she was young and had a nightmare. I guess I figured it was the same kind of thing." And what was in it for you?" Glinda asked softly "I… " Glinda saw Elphie's brain making connections. "I didn't do it for me, I did it for you, simply because I didn't want you be scared. After you waited with me 'til the rain stopped, it seemed like the thing to do." "That's my intelligent girl" Glinda said, "Friendship is all about give and take, little things, big things. I've done a lot of taking over the past six months or so" Glinda said seriously "Glinda that's not true and you know it." Glinda stated simply. "How many times have you held me when I had a nightmare, or soothed my bruised feelings over some perceived injustice, gone out with me so I wouldn't be alone…" . "But those were all little things" Elphie replied. "Not to me they weren't, they made me feel safe and loved in a strange environment. It cost you a great deal, interacting on an emotional level with someone else, whether you admit to that or not", Elphaba only nodded, the gist of this conversation taking hold. "I never had an opportunity to sooth, or comfort you, because you wouldn't allow it. Until unfortunately, yesterday." "This concept is very difficult for me," Elphie said "I've never had a real friendship- 'til now, and not even my family responded to me the way you have. But I do understand it on an intellectual level, and right now, any way, I need it" Elphaba was struggling with herself "It's ok love, talk it through" Glinda soothed taking her hand. "I can't promise that I will ever be an expressive, attentive person, maybe I'm just not cut out for it, but I'll give what I can, if that will be enough" Elphaba seemed worn out and empty. "That is all I have ever needed, Elphie, I told you that. Who you are, whoever you might become, is all I will ever need." She pulled her friend into a hug and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I think we have processed enough for now, don't you? "