xXx
Where do you go when you're lonely?
Where do you go when you're blue?
Where do you go when you're lonely?
I'll follow you when the stars go blue.
Stars go blue.
Stars go blue.
Stars go blue.
So immersed was she in her emotions that Ororo noticed neither the tempest that they caused, nor the tall shadow of a man standing on her right side. For the first time in a long time, she had almost completely lost control of herself, and released two months' worth of grief, stress, and anger that had been buried but not forgotten within the deepest recesses of her soul. For nearly a half an hour, she lay with her face pressed into the ground at the foot of the headstones, taking her only comfort from the tangy, earthy fragrance of the grass.
He sat in the tree for most of the time, partly because he was worried that by coming down from the limb on which the seat of his pants rested, he would disturb her, but mostly out of morbid fascination at the scene before him. He had almost forgotten that Ororo could cry, though he couldn't see how he had. The day that the Professor died, a day which he'd chosen to lock up in the vault of his memory and only take out to ponder very infrequently, she'd soaked the back of his shirt with her tears. She had been so reluctant to let go of him, and he hadn't known what to do for her, besides allow her to press her body against his, her arms wrapped around his neck, and bury her face in his shoulder, until, finally, she'd let him go, and walked back to the jet without a second glance at him.
So much had happened since then, so much that had altered both of their lives permanently, and through it all, Ororo had simply…done what she needed to do. The only emotion that he's seen her display since Professor Xavier's memorial service was rage, and that had been during the battle with the Brotherhood, whenever that one mutant, whose name he had not bothered to catch, had unwisely decided to tangle with her.
Since then, at least to everyone around her, she had simply been the flawless picture of strength and serenity. She was a good, strong role model for the students, being friendly with them when it was appropriate and stern when she was required to be. As far as he could see, she was constantly working her ass off for them. Lately, he'd been trying to help her as much as he could; he'd taken up all of the training classes in the Danger Room, and even took to helping with some of the discipline, though he had previously been so anti-authority. He inflicted harsh punishments upon any students whom he heard complaining about the school or the way that it was run.
Ororo was killing herself to keep the Xavier School alive for them, and he wouldn't have any of the students thanking her with bitching and moaning, even if she never heard any of it. For his sudden burst of responsibility, she'd thanked him heavily, even rewarding him with the occasional smile. Though he could see that her gratitude was genuine, her smiles and her words were hollow, meaning nothing because they came not from her heart, but from the robotic defense shield that she had put around her, the one that could not be penetrated.
Until tonight, it seemed. While at first his attention had been riveted by her uncharacteristic show of pain, after about twenty minutes he got a sense of how rude it was, to simply sit there and stare at Ororo as she wept, especially when she was so private with her emotions, and was under the impression that there was nobody around to see her. Surely she would not have allowed herself a breakdown if she'd have known that he was merely feet away and could hear her every word, her every sob and moan.
So, he had carefully climbed down from the tree, hoping that she would hear his approach and say something to him; even if she cursed him or yelled. Of course, he could have exited the garden yard and left her to her thoughts, but somehow, he felt that such an action would be the wrong one to take, and besides, he was drawn to her. He felt sympathy for her pain, he wanted to comfort her in any way that he could, wanted to wipe her tears and hold her against him.
She had felt good to him, the day that they lost the Professor, comforting. Her weakness, however fleeting, had made him strong. She had been the reason that he hadn't immediately gotten up from his kneeling position and begun to destroy things. He'd had the sense that she needed to be close to him, to feel that his emotions matched hers, to join her sorrow with his, and, in a way, he'd known that he needed it, too. She'd made him feel that his grief was an appropriate emotion, since he never really felt that his feelings matched those of the people around him. Now, he had the fierce urge to do the same for her.
Upon reaching her side, he'd uttered her name softly, but she was unable to hear him over the pounding rain and her bellowing sobs. So he simply stood in the place that he'd taken by her side, waiting for some break in her weeping. It came about ten minutes later, when the shrill, wounded-animal noises that she'd been making tapered into sniffling, nasal sounds. Her chest was still heaving, but he no longer smelled fresh tears on her, so he decided to try again.
"'Ro?" he asked, slightly louder than the last time he'd addressed her. Her body went stiff, and she quieted in the blink of an eye. For a moment, she simply lay rigid on the ground, until he repeated her name. She sat up and looked into his eyes. Sorrow, regret, terror…all of these he smelt upon her, and he could place all emotions but one. He could see no reason for her to be afraid of him, and yet, there it was; her blue eyes were wide, the pupils dilated in fear.
"Oh, Goddess," she whispered, reaching both hands behind her and doing an odd sort of hermit-crab shuffle away from him.
"'Ro…what are you doing?" he asked, taking a step towards her. She shook her head, sending water droplets from the still-falling rain spraying everywhere with her short, ghost-white hair.
"No…no…stay away. Get away from me, Logan," she ordered, effectively halting his advances.
"But 'Ro, I just…" he began, but she interrupted him with a high, pained whine, a sound that he'd never heard from her before, and hadn't even suspected her to be capable of making.
"No," she shook her head, easing herself up with her arms, "Oh, Goddess, no." Once she regained her footing, she began to run, out of the garden and across the grounds. Logan followed, more than catching up to her until he saw her feet leave the earth. Before he knew it, Ororo was soaring above him, leaving Logan to ponder her actions.