A Petal Down The River

By Rose

:.:One Second Isn't Enough:.:

A part of me felt nice being here, with friends and family laughing and smiling. We were weak, and yet strong in our own sense. I wanted to be with them, with the other couples, laughing and smiling and dancing. I wanted to be happy again.

I wish naivety of a child could be washed away with a few tears. I could have grown from this-all of it. My obsession, my love, my Kouga. I wonder… I wonder, does he cry for Kagome like I cried for him? Would he even care if I left?

I felt bad for being selfish-even if it was for only tonight. I'd wait till he fell asleep, gave it an hour, and I'd leave. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder, and turning around, I faced Kouga. He looked as smug as ever.

"Mate," he said calmly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The way everything looked at that moment made me want to cry. There he stood, in all his glory, the blue night lights from the sky eliciting a soft touch to all his skin. The laughter of life behind her came to her ears, drawing her out of her reverie.

"…Kouga," I said, and felt like I was about to jump into a pit of hell.

"Would you dance with me, Ayame?" He said calmly, looking past me. I wanted to scream at him 'Don't you see me!', but I held back, and nodded.

When he took my hand, and glided out to where the other mates danced, I felt for once that I wasn't doing this alone. I felt like I wasn't the only one jumping head first into a mistake. He took my right hand in his left, raised it, and put the other on my waist. I put my left hand on his shoulder, and put my head on it soon after, facing away from him. I let the tears come then, slowly and softly.

"You're," I began, slowly, taking a breath so I wouldn't cry out, "being nice."

He chuckled at this, and I smacked him playfully. All of it stopped, and I felt him look at me.

"Ayame… you're crying," he said blandly, and I shrug my shoulders.

"Yes," I whispered, and I knew he didn't need any more of a reply then that.

The night commenced, and went on for several more hours before people started going home. After the first dance, Kouga went off to chat with the other males of the tribe, and I went to talk with Grandfather. Somewhere past the middle of the night, Kouga came to get me, and Grandfather gave me a knowing smile.

We took what gifts were ours, our stomachs full, back to the cave that was promised ours upon mating, and we sat down on the makeshift pile of hay and dead boar skin. Kouga looked at me, and sighed, grumbling slightly.

"Let's get it over with," he said, as if it were the most painful thing ever. And it was.

Deep in my heart, I knew it was.

WARNING. LEMON. OMG. This means there's no plot in this part, just sex. JUST SEX. You do NOT have to read this in order to get the rest of the story. Scroll down to finish the rest of the story. Please note, I wanted to keep this as like… not sexual as possible, so if you were expecting four play and all out sexual shit-I'm sorry.

He reached over to me, lightly grabbing the "dress" off my shoulders and pulling them down to expose my upper torso-save for the under wrappings. He leaned over then, still in his seating spot next to me, and began kissing my shoulder. I wanted nothing more to make him happy, so I tilted my head away, and he moved his mouth up to suck on my neck. I closed my eyes in t his bliss, and felt the tears well up.

He adjusted his seating onto my lap, and continued suckling, running his hand up the side of my stomach.

I feel shame.

I raised my own hands, dead to me, and stroked the side of his face. He came up to kiss my lips, and I dived for his own neck to start licking. I didn't want him to kiss me-kissing meant love, sex… well, sex I could do. I had to do it. It was a matter of seconds before we had stripped ourselves, facing each other naked.

He walked forward first, about to kiss me again, and I turned away. I could feel his penis against my crotch, and I blushed slightly at this. He put a hand between us and began stroking my crotch. I moaned lightly, wrapping my hands around him, before he pushed me onto the bed. He softly fell on top of me, and asked if I was ready. I gave a nod, he pushed himself into me. I screamed out, raised my hand quickly to bite it so he wouldn't kiss me, and waited.

The tears flowed freely now, the pain of losing my virginity had hurt. He waited a bit, before I nodded through my tears, and he began pushing himself in and out of me. He bent forward then, and bit into my shoulder/neck, and I repeated it. It was minutes before he came, but I couldn't push myself to. I faked it, though, and, for the most part, I believe he thought it was real. He fell onto to me, panting, and smiling.

---END LEMON LIKE THING… YEAH…---

It was only an hour before he was sound asleep. He didn't lay with me, or cuddle, or even try and do anything. He had moved himself off of me and had rolled a good distance away. I layed there, crying to myself quietly, before I rolled over and got up. I already had packed a small amount of clothes, and I could take some of the gifts that were food. I grabbed my furs and clothes, threw them on hastily, and ran out into the cold night.

I had no idea where I was going, how I was going to get there, or how long I would stay, but I was gone. I had finally fulfilled Kouga's dream…

And for one night, for just a short time, he filled mine, too.