Tseng VII: Quiet introspection
Tseng slowly opened his eyes and his dark bedroom reappeared around him. What little light there was came in through the large window. He laid on his large bed, naked and exhausted, the blanket pushed away.
He looked at the ceiling for a moment, trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened today. Rufus' coming out to him today was probably the most unexpected thing to have occurred. The Turks had collected piles of information on the company's Vice President over his lifespan of 25 years. If he had come out at any time, they would know it. Yet, Tseng was certain that there was nothing in the files about that.
It came out of the blue today, and Tseng could not shake the feeling that Rufus' interest in him was not genuine, but was only meant to manipulate him. He just did not know what Rufus' goals could possibly be. Even if he somehow managed to get out, he was nothing in the outside world without the company behind him. And the president was bound to set him free, sooner or later, and he was still first in line to inherit everything. He had not disowned his son or had him punished in any other way except by taking away his physical freedom. Which was certainly bad enough, but not reason enough for Rufus to go this far to try and risk everything just to break out.
He was still given pretty much anything he wanted, and Tseng was certain that this life now was not very different from the way he had lived until just a few years ago. The Vice President had lived an extremely sheltered and controlled life as he was being raised to step into his father's footsteps.
Although Tseng had met Rufus briefly before, he only came into somewhat regular contact with him after his 18th birthday, when Rufus got his first official job in the company and his personal security had to be constantly assured by the Turks, whenever he left the estate where he lived with his father and the latter's mistress at the time.
Nothing was known about Rufus having private contacts, or a life in general, outside his home. Tseng shook his head. But he had somehow managed to siphon funds and information to Avalanche without anyone noticing. Maybe he was hiding even more than that. Tseng realized only now that it was technically his duty to officially report this information. Just in case it would be relevant later on, he did not want to be the one withholding important information.
He wondered if the president knew, and in case he came to know, how he would react. He had not disowned Rufus so far, despite the severity of the charges against him, but if he came to know that his son was bisexual or gay, he could easily change his mind about that. He did not like the thought of someone being possibly punished for their sexual preferences. But he had to do what was best for the company.
He slowly got up from his bed and brushed back his long, black hair. He needed to take a shower. As he left his bedroom, his stomach grumbled. He had not eaten anything all day since last night's dinner, and he would completely forget to eat if his body did not give him an occasional reminder. Instead of going straight to the bathroom, he picked up his phone from the nightstand and ordered the next two dishes that were next on his meal rotation from the same Wutaian-style food delivery service he ordered from every single time.
He had little passion or patience for food, and these days, he found most foods unbearable. He still found himself gravitating mostly towards the Wutaian-style cuisine, perhaps even more so now that he had discovered that Wutaian food could actually be quite tolerable if it was not made from scraps picked up from one of the slum markets or involve meat from questionable sources.
After placing his order, he finally went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. He wrapped his long hair into a towel and dressed in a soft, black bathrobe when the doorbell rang. He went to the door and checked through the spyhole if anyone was lingering. The delivery guy knew to leave his deliveries on his doorstep, but Tseng did not want to be seen in his bathrobes by anyone who just happened to stop by. He quickly opened the door and grabbed the pile of food. He set the boxes on his kitchen counter and opened the fridge, which was all but empty. After putting one container in the fridge, he opened the other and sat down at the small table.
He pulled his phone from the bathrobe's pocket and started scrolling through today's reports. He made a point of keeping up with the other Turks' activities as much as possible. While Chief Veld was still firm in his position (and Tseng hoped that he would remain so), there was no telling how long that would last. Veld's generation of Turks was slowly dying out or transferring into other, less hazardous positions in the company, and among the younger folks, Tseng was certain no one would be suitable to follow in Veld's footsteps. So he had taken it on himself to learn what he believed a leader needed to know. Although he was technically already the vice chief, he was still growing into the leadership thing. Part of that was being aware of all possible threats to the company and learning as much information as possible to coordinate the Turks' activities.
Scrolling through the reports, he stopped at a batch of "Daffodil" observation reports. He read all four reports while eating dinner. The third report mentioned that he had paid Aerith a brief visit in the afternoon, though he was more anxious to learn what had transpired after he left. The report mentioned her crying in her room after a phone call. He felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. He only wanted Aerith to help Zack get better. He did not mean for her to end up crying, too. She made another phone call later, which apparently left her in better spirits, but the fourth report mentioned not only that she stayed up longer than usual, but that she received another phone call that left her anxious.
He put down his chopsticks. He had not even finished half the meal, but he did not feel like eating any more after having read that Aerith was sad. He put the food container in the fridge with the rest. Zack had sent him some weird messages about Aerith earlier, and he began to wonder if he had inadvertently caused them a situation.
As he went back into the bathroom, he pulled the towel off of his head and reached for his hairbrush. He studied his own face in the mirror while disentangling his long, black hair. His brown eyes were staring back at him from a heart-shaped face with high cheekbones, a short, round nose and soft lips. He put down the hairbrush and, after brushing his teeth, he washed his face and left the bathroom.
Laying down on his bed still in his bathrobe, he opened the last "Daffodil" observation report again. It was from Cissnei's shift. People were already making fun of him, so he did not want to ask anyone from the Turks directly about Aerith's situation, so he had to make sense of it somehow just from the reports. Though to him, it was not fun. He had known Aerith since she was seven and he was still relatively new in the Turks. It was his assignment to get the little girl to come back to Shinra by intimidating her and her adoptive mother. It seemed like an easy enough job for the Turk who had grown up in the slums and thought himself a bit of a thug, but it would become the first mission he failed.
After that, he found himself monitoring "Daffodil" once or twice a week. Yet, he was never given another chance to confront her. The memory of losing to a 7-year-old girl was eating away at him and he began to obsess about thinking of different ways to bring this girl back to the company. Though apparently, bringing her back was not a priority anymore at the time. If they had tried, they could have taken her by force any time. This girl or her adoptive mother were no match for a Turk. But the order never came. All they were doing was watch for years, record her actions, look for possible signs of her powers, keep track of who she was in contact with, and identify possible hazards that could threaten the last Cetra. Since then, he had began to harbor the hope that perhaps they would not have to use force, but that she might want to help them voluntarily once she understood that what they were trying to do would bring wealth to the people in the slums, and simply make life better for everyone, but so far, they had not had any luck with that either.
One day, years and years of observation later, during Tseng's shift, Aerith was attacked by other slum dwellers. While the slums of Sector 5 were generally a safe area by comparison, drunkards would still prowl the area at times. Under his own eyes, yet completely unnoticed, she had grown into a beautiful young woman. Others did notice. And that night, he fulfilled his duty to keep threats away from her, although he had to reveal his presence in the progress. He remembered clear as day her having fallen down on the dusty ground, her curly auburn hair loose around her face, clear green eyes looking up at him in distrust from her beautiful face.
The best thing he could think of in that situation was to offer his hand to help her up and ask her if she was okay. She had first reached for his hand, but then quickly pulled it back when she recognized him from the time he threatened her and her mother and started yelling at him to get away from. There was genuine fear for her life in her eyes, despite the fact that he had just saved her and had done nothing to threaten her. He had pulled back and gone back to watch from the shadows, invisible, while she scrambled back to her feet and, frantically looking around, ran back home as quickly as she could.
He realized for the first time that what the company had done to her had had a lasting effect on this young girl. Having watched over her for so long, he could not help but feel that they shared a deep connection, a connection they admittedly never had, but at the time, he felt that way. Despite never having talked to her, he knew virtually everything about her. He knew it was wrong, and he had no idea how he could even get to the point of falling for a such a young girl he had only talked to twice in both of their lives.
His judgement at the time was lacking, and so, one morning, he waited outside of her house for her to leave for her part-time job. He only wanted to talk to her, but as he could have expected, had he had more sense, it did not go well. He could still feel her small hands pushing him away and hear her yelling at him, until her mother came out of the house, pulled her back inside and slammed the door into his face. He ended up sliding a note to her under their front door, in which he all but confessed his feelings for her.
That, too, did not go well.
But being so clearly and vehemently rejected by her at least made him feel better. Though when she later started dating Zack, he experienced her gentle, loving side second hand, and the pain had come back. In Tseng's mind, he had given up on her a long time ago. But his feelings for her had never truly gone away. He cared deeply about her, although he knew that she would not appreciate it if she knew.
Knowing she was hurt or unhappy made him anxious, and his own presence made her unhappy. That was why he had to stay away from her. There was nothing better he could do for her than staying away. Today had been an unfortunate exception, but it was the best thing he could think of to get Zack back on his feet.
He scrolled through his phone and stopped on Aerith' phone number. He had actually gotten a hold of her number, but he had never tried calling or texting her. Calling her now was just another futile notion. He smiled to himself as he imagined her violently destroying her phone by stomping on it repeatedly after receiving a message from him on her phone, and then imagined himself under that heel. He closed the contact list. This number was for emergencies, and he would keep it for emergencies.