Smile

A/N - More depressing fluffishness that may or may not be uncanon… don't know… I don't think anyone does. It's this most horribly angst-y reason for why Fai always smiles… Oh, god, someone please hit me for writing this. Please. (FxF)

Disclaimer- Don't own, don't own, don't own.

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"What the hell's your problem? Don't you ever try to stop smiling and be serious?" Kurogane yells at me, incensed once more.

I could tell him why. I could tell him it was a promise I made, once, to someone I would have died for, who died in my place.

To Freya, who died in my arms. Even as the life seeped out of her, even as she fought to breathe, she'd smiled up at me, eyes gentle and dimming.

"Fai-kun… a favour?"

"Anything," I'd told her, meaning it more than I'd ever meant anything before. I couldn't do anything else. My magic had not been able to save her.

"Will you… please… smile… for me? Just… one last time."

"Wh- what?"

"Please, Fai." Her hand grasped at mine weakly. I held it tightly. "I would like… to see… what I tried to save."

"I don't know if I can," I'd told her, ashamed and helpless. If there ever was a time when a smile would be impossible, it would be then, with my princess dying, when I should have been there to keep her safe. Ashura-ou had every right to blame me for the death of his sister. Every right.

"Don't… say that," she'd whispered. "I don't… ever want to break… your smile. I… love…… your smile. It's always… made me feel… that somehow, everything… will be all right."

"Freya-hime…" I don't know when things had ever been less all right. But somehow I managed it, somehow I managed to smile down into her half-closed eyes, even as I wept. I hadn't wept in ages. I didn't even realize that I was until much later. "You'll be OK," I'd told her, though we both knew it was a lie. "In a little while it won't hurt so much, it will all go away. Freya?" I panicked; I could not feel her breathing.

Her eyes were closed, but I could see her own tears glistening just under the lids. "Don't… cry for me… Fai… I did… this for you. Because… you're…" She'd started coughing, so hard that she lost track of what she'd been saying. "So, don't ever… lose… your….. smile…."

"I swear. I swear, Freya-hime -"

I could tell Kuro-chan this. I could tell him why I don't want to stop smiling. I could tell them all. They'd probably understand. We all know what it's like to lose someone.

But for now, I just continue smiling at my storming ninja comrade, a distant, secretive smile, even though my heart aches with that memory. Maybe one day I'll make myself relive it for my friends. Maybe.

But for now, I'll keep smiling, because that way I will continue to see my princess smiling back at me.