Chapter Six

Buffy was crying, her first really good cry in a long time. She hated it and wanted it to stop, but she couldn't help it. The tears just kept coming.

When it at last subsided, she decided to go to the washroom to wash her face. She placed her hands on the floor besides her to push herself up, and her right hand didn't come to rest on the carpet, but on the book she had brought from Giles' hotel room – his diary. She thought she had left it in the hall, but she must have brought it upstairs with her without realizing it. She opened it and started reading, then stopped, feeling suddenly intrusive. Yet she didn't want to put the book down. She flipped through the pages, wanting to read, but feeling it would be somehow wrong. When she neared the end, her eye was caught by her name at the top of a page. The entry, the last in the diary, was addressed to her, like a letter…

Buffy,

There is much that I need to tell you that I will never have the opportunity to. Hence, I am writing it down.

If you are reading this and I am not dead, then you are being incredibly nosy, and should stop immediately. Otherwise – well, I fear my time is limited, so I'll get right to what I want to say, and I ask that if ever you have listened to me, you do so now.

We have both changed a great deal over the years. Perhaps that is an understatement. At any rate, despite our recent disagreement, I am proud of how much you have changed, how much you have grown and achieved. Yet it also worries me. The developments have not been all for the good, in either of us. In my case it is much too late for me to change course again, although I dearly wish I could. Your case is different…

When Buffy finished, she sat, she didn't know for how long, thinking about what she had read. She continued to hold the book in her lap, not wanting to let go of it.

Suddenly, she heard a scream.

The first thing Xander thought when the demon blundered into the back yard was that it was a dinosaur – a strange mash-up of an eight-foot tall veloceraptor, with spikes and horns covering its face and running down its back to the end of its lethal stegosaurus tail. And it had an extra set of equally deadly clawed arms. Xander would have thought that it was kind of cool, but then it charged at him and Anya.

Xander and Anya ran to opposite sides of the yard as the demon plowed into the porch. Recovering faster than it took to change its momentum, the demon turned its attention to each of its prey before seeming to decide that the girl was the easier target. Anya dodged as it swung its claws at her.

The monster was taken off-guard when Xander struck it across the back of its spiny head with a large fallen branch. It spun around to face its attacker, and the non-spiky side of its tail knocked Anya off her feet and slammed into Xander, sending him flying across the yard and into the trunk of the tree that stood next to the porch, just as Willow and Dawn ran out of the house to see what was going on.

Acting impulsively, Willow set off a small explosion of energy near the demon. She succeeded in alarming it, but the demon responded by charging at the two girls. It slashed Willow across the arm, sending her sprawling on her side, and towered over Dawn, mouth opened wide, double rows of teeth gleaming in the porchlight.

Dawn screamed.

…When you first arrived in Sunnydale, you were far from what an ideal Slayer is supposed to be, as I'm sure I told you often enough. You were filled with so much more life and care for others than one would expect. At first I thought those qualities, particularly your attachment to your friends and family, were a mere peculiarity, which, though admirable, was mainly inconvenient. Of course, like so many other things, I was wrong about that…

The demon lowered its head towards Dawn.

Suddenly, it reared back, howling in pain. It staggered backwards, revealing Buffy standing behind it, battle-axe in one hand, bloodied sword in the other. The demon stumbled, crashing through the railing and onto the ground. Buffy leapt after it, swinging at it with both weapons. She didn't pay attention to its thrashing tail until it had knocked her feet out from under her, and she was flat on her back, the demon snarling over her.

…You have a great capacity, Buffy, for caring, and for friendship, and for love. That has given you relationships that are of more benefit to you than any amount of training or study could be to any Slayer. That has always been your strength…

As Buffy shook the stars from before her eyes, she saw that the demon had turned its attention away from her, and was snapping at another figure.

Anya was swinging a branch at the beast with all her strength, while trying to keep out of the way of its teeth, claws and tail. The demon threatened her more than she threatened it, but Anya didn't drop the branch or run away.

Buffy sprang to her feet and attacked the monster again, giving Anya a chance to retreat. The demon's four arms made it difficult for Buffy to get in a clear hit to its body, and its swinging tail forced her to keep jumping away from it. She simply couldn't deal with all of the demon at the same time.

At the edge of her vision, Buffy saw Xander getting to his feet, dismay clear on his face as he watched the ongoing battle.

"Xander!" she called, and tossed the axe to him, which he caught deftly. "This thing would be easier to kill if I only had to worry about one end!"

Xander nodded.

He approached the demon from behind, carefully staying out of its line of sight, while Buffy kept it occupied. Xander raised the axe above his head and brought it down in a swift, smooth arc, separating the demon from its tail with a sickening thunk.

The demon screeched in agony. It reeled around to strike at Xander, but without its tail it became unbalanced, and toppled over onto its back. Buffy sprang at it, sword raised. Just as she was about to plunge her weapon into the demon's gut, she was caught on the knee by one of its flailing claws. She staggered away from the beast, clutching her bleeding knee and grimacing in pain.

Willow's voice sounded from the porch. "Subsisto totus tractus!"

As if it was an image from a video and someone had pressed the "pause" button, the demon froze.

Buffy limped toward the demon, raised her sword, and drove it through the demon's throat. It shuddered as the spell was broken, then went limp.

Buffy stood still for a long moment, catching her breath, before turning towards the house to face her friends. No one spoke, or even moved.

…You may be thinking that I'm telling you nothing you don't already know, and if that is the case I have nothing to worry about. You will certainly be stronger than any evil you have to face. However, I fear that the burden of your duty has finally led you to cut yourself off from those around you. Perhaps it is because I currently view things through my own isolation that I feel this way. In any case, please don't do as I did and force yourself to go through this ordeal alone. I couldn't bear to see that…

Finally, Dawn stepped forward, walking slowly until she stood in front of Buffy. Their eyes met, and the two sisters threw their arms around each other.

Xander and Anya helped Willow to her feet. The three of them turned to the sisters, who were now approaching the porch.

"Hey," Buffy said softly.

Her friends nodded in acknowledgement, understanding the apologetic look in her eyes.

"Your arm –" Buffy gestured towards Willow's wound. "Are you going to be okay?"

Willow gave a half-hearted smile and nodded. "It's nothing I can't heal myself. I'll live."

Her statement hung in the air. An uncomfortable silence stretched out before Xander spoke.

"So, uh, what do we do with that thing?"

The five of them turned towards the demon's corpse.

"Bury it, I guess," Buffy said non-committally. "What is it, anyways?"

Xander shrugged. "Never found out."

"Well, what's it after? I mean, why'd it come here?" Buffy looked around at her friends, but none of them had the answer. They just shrugged and shook their heads. Again, the silence weighed heavily among them.

…And I will see what happens, no matter what. As you know full well, death does not mean one disappears forever…

"Well, we'll deal with it in the morning," Buffy sighed. "We're safe now. That's all that matters."

"No," Dawn said, in a near-whisper. Buffy turned to face her. "We're not. We're never safe anymore."

Her sister gazed at her sympathetically, and spoke in a comforting tone. "It's okay Dawn. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but we'll be okay."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I do."

"Your lying." It wasn't an accusation, but a statement, filled with hurt and disappointment.

Buffy blinked and gave Dawn a weak smile. "Maybe I am." The look in her eyes pleaded with her sister to believe her anyways.

"Don't. Please."

What there was of a smile quickly faded from Buffy's face. Her eyes dropped to the ground. "It's only going to get harder, Dawn," she said apologetically, then paused, as if remembering something. When she spoke again, her voice was soft and distant. "Heroes are never as strong as they're supposed to be. We can't always tell who it is we're supposed to be fighting. And we lose far too many battles. Our friends die." She paused briefly, taking a shuddering breath. "And at the end of the day, there is no happy ending waiting for us." Her brow furrowed. "But… that's not the important thing…" She looked up at Dawn, her eyes glistening and sincere. "What matters is that you have people who love you and believe in you so much that you forget all that, so much that you start to think that you can do anything, no matter how bad things are. And then you really can." Buffy looked around at her friends. "You guys…" Her eyes brimmed with tears. "You guys mean everything to me." She sniffed and tried to blink back her tears, but couldn't. "I don't want to lose anyone else..."

Xander and Willow went to Buffy and held her as she cried, Anya and Dawn standing nearby.

When they broke apart, Buffy was still sniffling. She took a deep breath. "I swear, we are going to beat this thing. We're going to win. And we're going to be together when we do."

None of them could help but smile at Buffy's pronouncement, heartened despite their sadness.

Dawn appeared pensive. "For now," she said carefully, and kindly, "why don't we focus on making it through tomorrow?" The friends turned towards the younger girl. "I think that's probably what Giles would say."

…This is only goodbye for now. I will always be watching over you.

Buffy smiled sadly at her sister. "That sounds about right."

The five of them went back into the house together.

Yours,
Giles

x x x

Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.

Liar

THE END

xxx

Author's Note: This story grew out of conversations between myself and banduraqueen about season 7. We agreed that it would have been better if the writers had killed Giles and had let the character die with dignity instead of having that stupid cliff-hanger (which personally made me feel cheap and used) and Pod-Giles. Then they could have had the First-as-Giles which would have been cool, creepy, and would have played into the evil-patriarchy theme. I also wanted to do a Giles vs. the First scene. I'm sorry they never did one on the show because it would have gone a long way to explaining his motivation. On the one hand, one can blame Robia LaMorte for becoming a born-again Christian and not wanting to play the First again. On the other hand, I'm sure the writers could have worked around it the same way they worked around the lack of Amber Benson.

So that's what this story was about: killing the character of Giles with dignity, as opposed to the character assassination that actually took place. I would have loved to have seen something like this as an actual episode, only it couldn't have had the nice resolution at the ending. If I wrote this as an episode, the last chapter would have been something darker and more upsetting, and Buffy wouldn't find the diary until much later, until around the second-last episode of the season or something like that. So, that's what I would have done.

I'd also like to invite everyone to check out my newwebsite, linked in my profile, which in addition to all the fic I have posted here, will someday (hopefully soon) have my new-and-improved re-write of More Than Anything. While you're there, you should also check out Welcome to Ever After by banduraqueen, which is an awesome post-Chosen, post-Not Fade Away story that I highly recommend.

One more thing: Reviews rock! Please let me know what you think.