Around one in the morning BJ and Charles stumbled into the swamp. Charles was unusually merry and he slapped a troubled Hawkeye on the back.
"Pierce, far be it from me to encourage your childish behavior but…" Charles giggled to himself for a moment before continuing. "…but you missed one hell of a party."
"Buzz off will ya Chuckles?" Hawkeye said in annoyance. Charles muttered something to himself as he lowered himself onto his cot. BJ who was still somewhat sober sat down on his cot and looked at his friend.
"What's goin' on Hawk?" he asked seriously.
Hawkeye jumped up and began to pace back and forth. "Do you know what that asshole had enough nerve to tell her? I just can't believe it! How any man can be so cruel, I'll never know!"
BJ stared at his friend blankly. "Who?" he asked dumbly.
Hawkeye exhaled deeply and sat on his cot. "Penobscott," he muttered. "He told Margaret he wants a divorce. He is going to stop by in the morning to have her sign the papers."
"What an asshole!"
Almost four hours later Hawkeye and BJ both lay awake, staring at the canvas ceiling. Neither of them had been able to sleep, both men consumed with pity and trying to figure out how to help their friend. Every idea they had come up with was either ridiculously impractical or they knew Margaret would refuse their help.
"You know," BJ finally concluded. "She won't accept charity from us, but she will from her family. But of course she doesn't want to tell her family that she is going to be an unwed mother. So what she really needs is a husband."
Hawkeye rolled onto his side and looked at his friend in disgust. "I think that is the worst idea you've had yet. Anyone who would be willing to marry Hot Lips is crazy, and if we found someone that crazy, she surely wouldn't want to marry him. She actually wouldn't want to marry anyone," Hawkeye smirked for a moment, "Unless we can get some General involved…" he added playfully. Both men sighed in unison and Hawkeye closed his eyes. A sudden idea popped into his mind and he jumped it.
"Ha-ha, of course!" Hawkeye shouted excitedly as he pulled on his worn robe. BJ looked at his friend as if he had lost his mind.
"All she needs is a husband right?" BJ nodded and Hawkeye yanked on his boots. "But even Hot Lips wouldn't do something that stupid…" BJ watched sleepily as his friend hopped outside and headed towards Margaret's tent.
It was nearing five o'clock and Margaret was sitting, wide-awake at her desk. She hadn't slept a wink all night. She screamed in fright as Hawkeye burst loudly into her tent.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she hissed. Hawkeye only laughed and sat down on her cot.
"Marry me." He said bluntly.
Margaret stared at him as if she was waiting for the punch-line. "Are you drunk?" she finally asked suspiciously. Hawkeye only laughed as he walked over to her.
"No; now just think about it for a minute. Your parents are going to flip when they find out you're pregnant right?" Margaret nodded so he continued. "So you don't exactly have a place to live right?" Again Margaret nodded as she bit her lip to keep herself from yelling at him. "You're not going to be able to work for long so marry me."
Margaret stared at him and then stood up. "You are drunk!" she yelled.
"I am not!" he cried defensively. "I might be a bit short on sleep, but so are you I imagine." Hawkeye walked over to her and picked up her hands. "Look it's not that weird when you think about it. You marry me, you back to the states and I can help you out financially."
"And what about when you get back to the states? The war won't last forever you know."
Hawkeye smiled gently. "When I get back to the states you can introduce me to your parents as you husband and the father of your child. Then we'll get a divorce and you will tell your parents that I disappeared."
Margaret pulled her hands away and placed them on her hips. "Oh go get some sleep."
Hawkeye shrugged. "Okay so the last part needs a little work, but you have to admit that you need help."
Margaret smiled slightly. "Look Hawkeye, what you're trying to do for me is sweet but it just won't work."
"Why not?"
"Well because…well…it's a dumb idea that's why."
"That isn't a good enough answer." Hawkeye replied mischievously.
Margaret glared at him and shook her head. "No Hawkeye."
Hawkeye shook his head also. "Marry me."
Margaret sat down and sighed in resignation as Hawkeye grinned broadly.
"Good girl."
At two o'clock that afternoon, several people stood near the office to wish Major Houlihan goodbye. After all of the goodbyes were over Hawkeye stepped over to Margaret and hugged her warmly.
"I really appreciate this Hawkeye." Margaret said thankfully.
Hawkeye smiled and hugged her again. "That's what, the eighth time you've said that?" he teased her. Margaret blushed and smiled.
"Write to me please?" she begged.
"Of course I will. I'm going to miss you Major Baby."
"I'll miss you too Hawkeye."
Hawkeye grinned devilishly and Margaret raised her eyebrows in suspicion. Before she had time to react Hawkeye dipped her in a long, passionate kiss. When he finally let her up she gasped for air and glared at him.
"What the hell was that?"
"I felt I was entitled to it; you are, after all, my wife." Exasperated, Margaret smiled at him and shook her head.
"Goodbye Hot Lips."
"Bye Hawk."