Amii felt conflicted. She was now in the Great Hall where Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat at the Gryffindor table. Everyone was suddenly forgetful of their anger towards the ugly bitch, Ho!Mione. Draco, on the other hand, had left the group to sit at the Slytherin table. He went back to his usual routine of snarling and throwing wet napkins at the trio, disguising his inner longing for Amii, whom he wanted to jump right then and there. She was so sexy.
The gorgeous red-head stood there, unsure of what exactly to do, even though she was a highly intelligent witch who didn't even need to attend school, but she chose to anyway. However, when the first years came in, Amii quickly forgot what troubled her and walked over to the sorting hat with the other first years, towering over them with her immense, tall, lean, and not-penis-having-sexy-sexiness. Amii stood there patiently waiting as the other fuglicious, bratty first years went up to be sorted. No one really cared for them, so the students seated at their tables talked amongst each other for lack of anything to do.
Then, the moment they've all been waiting for had arrived. Amii was to be called last because they always saved the best for last. Also, they couldn't figure out which last name of hers they would use to call her up with alphabetically, so they left it at that.
"Amii Jewel Rose Thorn Moonshine the Third," the Sorting Hat called. Upon hearing her name, the entire hall went silent, all eyes transfixed on her hot ass.
A wind began to blow, making her luscious, ivory white hair move behind her as it caught the soft candlelight of the hall. She moved gracefully, with the air of a super model going down the catwalk, except a lot hotter. She even stopped a few times along the way to sign autographs for some of the students who eagerly held out pens and paper for her. Many of the students swooned, falling over and dying of nosebleeds, but they still couldn't keep their eyes off her.
Everyone clapped and cheered merrily as she sat herself on the stool and the hat was placed on her perfect head (the one on her neck, not in her pants… Not that she would have a head in her pants or anything. She didn't have a penis - which would have a head - because she's a girl, and girls simply did not have that.) As soon as the sorting hat touched her silky, smooth, glistening hair, it began to sing a song just for Amii.
"This is the story of a girl
Who was so perfect that she killed the whole world
And while she looked so sexy in everything
Ron absolutely loved her when she cried"
Lights appeared around her like the funky lighting in the train compartment, illuminating her beauty.
"How small is that tiny waist?
Ron gave up on hope but then he found her tears
And she is so penis-lacking
Promises it's not there, never for real"
Amii continued to smile as the song went on, discreetly pulling down her skirt again to cover up a suspicious bulge that she would claim is an Xbox controller.
"She looks so hot as she stands there
Wearing such sexy clothes, making us hard
How many guys will jack off?
They're out in public, aren't they embarrassed?"
People began inching away from each other, kind of worried about how much of that one verse was true.
"Her clothes will change, never the same way
And her hair never stays one color or style
Amii never seems to have a major flaw"
The short-haired brunette giggled, pleased by the extra attention. She played with her long, curly, ebony hair attractively, pulling down the hem of her tight, pink tank top.
"This is the story of a girl
Who was so perfect that she killed the whole world
And while she looked so sexy in everything
Ron absolutely loved her when she cried"
"How many cat fights will come?
Hermione talks shit to her, day after day
How did she wind up this way?
Not watching her mouth now for what she says?"
At this point, everyone glared at the dumb-ass slut and she shrank back in her seat.
"Why'd you gotta talk shit, ho?" Ron yelled, suddenly donning a white wife beater and brandishing a near empty bottle of vodka in one hand. He promptly began to kick her like a step-child as Harry attempted to restrain his drunken friend.
"She still looks hot as we watch her
Wearing the clothes that's flashing her boobs
Why don't you stop jerking off
When you know you'll still be all alone anyway?"
The cops pulled in eventually and removed Ron from the hall, but everyone kept their eyes trained on Amii, as they noticed one of her voluptuous breastests was hanging out of her little white top. In the time that it took the gorgeous blonde to notice her wardrobe malfunction, Ron was rehabilitated and returned to the school. Hermione was physically and mentally healed from the traumatizing event, forgetting that it ever happened.
"Her clothes will change, never the same way
And her hair never stays one color or style
Amii never seems to have a major flaw"
"This is the story of a girl
Who was so perfect that she killed the whole world
And while she looked so sexy in everything
Ron absolutely loved her when she cried"
As the instrumental of the song began, everyone got up and danced as Amii whipped out her electric guitar, her piano, her drums, and her triangle and began to play professionally. She played so well that it even made the fat slobs on the dance floor dance better to her perfect tune, but still not anywhere near as well as her dancing.
"Her clothes will change, never the same way
And her hair never stays one color or style
Amii never seems to have a major flaw"
"This is the story of a girl
Who was so perfect that she killed the whole world
And while she looked so sexy in everything
Ron absolutely loved her…"
"This is the story of a girl
Her perfection that would stop the world
And while she looked so hot and sexy bare
Ron absolutely loved her…"
As the end of the song neared (Amii had written it, not those bastards), the beautiful, perfect girl began to cry glittering tears of happiness, diamonds scattering across the floors of the hall. Ron was the first to notice this and immediately dived for them, even biting and attacking others just to get his hands on the diamonds that she cried.
"This is the story of a girl
Who was so perfect that she killed the whole world
And while she looked so sexy in everything
Ron absolutely loved her when she cried."
Everyone stood up, amazed. As the song ended, the cheering and noise had stopped. The Sorting Hat had never done that before, and the song was all about Amii. Then again, only one as wonderful and flawless as her could ever deserve such a song devoted entirely to her. They all remained clueless to the hidden meaning of the song, but that didn't matter to them as long as they still had the not-penis-haver.
Now, all was quiet as everyone was waiting in anticipation, wondering which house Amii would be chosen to grace with her presence.
"Egao 1Itooshii!" Everyone gasped, unable to comprehend it. What was that? There was no house named Egao 1Itooshii, as far as they knew.
Dumbledore rose from his seat, addressing the confused and Amii, who was not confused as she already knew everything.
"It is a unique house, one that requires such traits that none have ever made it into the house before. Egao 1Itooshii is only for those who are flawlessly sexy, incredibly intelligent, have more than three names, know multiple languages, have a mixture of many races and bloods, have many talents such as singing, dancing, and healing, and are also very skilled in magic. Amii is obviously one who follows this prime example, and if I may say so, the rest of the houses suck major balls when compared to Egao 1Itooshii."
The students of Hogwarts didn't know what the appearance of this House meant, but they understood one horrible, unimaginable thing: Amii was not in their house! How could they live and learn without her presence! They needed her perfection in order to survive in this school! Without her, they were like a meadow without its ray of sunshine, a baby without the supple, large breasts of its mother, a world that was unable to turn on its axis!
The students began to riot, all screaming and fighting each other to get to the delicious girl. They all wanted Amii to be in their house, and they'd be damned if their wishes weren't appeased.
"Amii join Hufflepuff!" one freckly girl cried, throwing herself at the girl, but was shoved away roughly by a Ravenclaw boy.
"No! Join Ravenclaw! We'll have daily Amii worshipping meetings!" He was stabbed in the chest by a great harpoon and fell to the ground, dead. A pirate emerged from behind him and eyed Amii.
"Argh!" he yelled as he was swallowed by a great white whale.
Next, Harry and Ron walked up, both kneeling in front of her as they occasionally dodged a thrown spell or object.
"If you join Gryffindor," Harry started, looking up at her with pleading green eyes that looked dull compared to her glowing emerald orbs. "Ron, the Dallas Cowboys, and I will marry you, pleasing your goddess-ness for eternity."
"Gomen, Harry-kun, Ron-chan, Dallas Cowboys-neko," she began, speaking flawless Japanese. "Nanase, baka! I cannot give myself away for such a cheap price. Even all of you together, though kawaii, are not worthy of me."
A single tear came from Ron's eyes. "We understand." They left, heads bowed as they continued to join in the fight for her anyway.
"Oh Gods, Amii!" Draco came from the mass of fighting students now, pushing them all out of the way with spells, "You need to –"
"MY ASS IS ON FIRE!" yelled a random male student, ripping off his pants, but was quickly blown to pieces. Chunks of flesh and bone hit everyone but Amii, who remained spotlessly clean and sexy as always amidst the chaos.
Draco blinked at the scene, furrowing a brow. "What the fuck was that?" He shook his head, "Never mind, Amii, oh beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, perfect, love-of-my-life! The worthless teachers can't control the students, but then again, they're not you… Nevertheless, we need you to stop this fighting before more lives are lost! I mean, sure it's worth it for you. But, if everyone were to die, who would be left to praise you?"
Amii, nodding solemnly, raised her delicate, pale hands for silence and everyone immediately stopped their fighting. Everyone had their eyes on her; now healing each other and helping each other up instead of fighting, just to listen to what the amazing girl had to say.
"Friends, future sex slaves and rape victims, those who are not capable of handling this," She ran her hands along her hourglass figure, shaking her hips as many nodded in agreement. "Please, there is no need to fight over me, as wonderful as I am." Students now began to go back to their respective seats, still playing apt attention to her as she spoke. "I mean, I know I'm inhumanly perfect in every possible way, but none of you bakas deserve me. This is exactly why I was sent to the greatest house of all, though it still isn't as great as I am, because none of you can even begin to compare to me." She smiled brilliantly, the sun hiding behind the clouds embarrassedly as it couldn't compare to it, but her smile was still able to light up the world anyways. "But, do not fret, unworthy companions! I will still continue to grace you with my presence, and even acknowledge some of you because I feel sorry that you have nothing else to complete your lives."
Amii finished her speech, still standing as she waited for a response. Everything was silent but then Draco stood up with tears of emotion in his eyes, slowly beginning to clap. Harry and Ron, catching on, rose and began to clap their hands. Soon, everyone followed and were clapping and cheering wildly at the marvelous speech, that was so true, so intelligent, so right, so well-worded, so perfect, and so Amii.
Seeing the happiness of everyone at her speech, Amii felt moved and everything went quiet as she began to sing.
"This speech is my recital
I think it's very vital
To rock a rhyme
That's right on time
It's tricky!"
All the students and teachers of Hogwarts began to dance as Amii, with her angelic voice hitting all the right notes, sang the night away, leading into an Amii-perfect tomorrow.