I am so so so sorry for being gone this long! I had so much work. HUGE chapter. I'll combine two! Thank you for the bumps!

Chapter Two

Dancing Black Robes In the Midnight sky

It is eight p.m., or as Lena would call it, Eight Seductress Sky (god is she weird…the reason were friends is because I, being so worthy and competitive, have taken up the challenge to out crazy her…so far, it takes a lot, and I still haven't succeeded, but one day!) and I am in bed.

So, loser carrot type (the evilest fruits…or are they vegetables…honestly, who cares, but carrots are the evilest of all evil types of those thingy magiers of evilness haunt me in my nightmares, although they are not as bad as turnips, the vile things…imagine being called a carrot head…with those overbearing ego-eccentric rabbits DYING to eat you, god help me, and tell me my mind is simply unhinging again…) head is sitting her bed, staring at her window, and nibbling some, not so disgusting but still quite up there type of chocolate cake. I really wonder what has gotten into mum these day. Anyways, I'm eating this vile chocolate cake, and staring out the window, in the short of it. At 8 Seductress of the Sky, or p.m., whatever yours sanity may be. (Mine being close to none.)

That's when I see it- the thing that would break my heart into one thousand little shards, and kill me slowly by the jabbing that they did to force themselves back into my chest, so I could live…god I need a therapist.

There, in the midnight of the black sky was an ego-tripping bunny! Nah, just joshin' you, whatever that may mean…Honestly, if you think I'm crazy, try meeting those Americans! But anyways, there was Harry, twiling something about, and he was dancing in what seemed to be his nuddy pants.

Except for the black robes he was wearing – nearly got you there, didn't I?

Anywho, that thing, the twit he was twirling around was…that backstabbing little twit Pregnant stupid twit bthe second (not Ron)/b, Hermione Bloody Jane I'm such a good two shoes except when snogging The boy who nearly killed squirrel brain butt head Granger.

And then they started doing such. Not killing squirrel brain butt head, no, snogging, in the middle of my driveway or grassy lawn place. Technically, it's my mums, but who cares when my soulmate is snogging my ex best friend (after Lena) twit head pregnant poo head and I can't remember the rest of her nickname. I couldn't believe this- my life was screeching to a horrific halt and I nearly crashed.

Except not really.

But, anyways, my life felt over. Why would he choose that umbrella up my butt twit over me? Sure, she was his friend…and nice…and smart…and I was his best friends little sister…and a carrot –shiver- head, and well, crazy, I began to ponder the situation.

Who wouldn't choose her? Supposedly, thanks to Miss. Umbrella butt's help, Harry didn't think that I liked him anymore. And- oh dear god in the heavens with chocolate pudding above…was I thinking of a moral? I might as well use a gun contraption now.

Or strangle myself with one of dad's cords…or plugs…god help the little dear. Finally, the two twits…or the twit pregnant whatchamacallit and gorgeous Harry went inside, to their rooms.

And then, I remembered that Hermione was sharing a room for me. DEAR GOD I MUST LOCK THE DOOR FROM THE TWIT. I pounced up out of bed, the vile chocolate cake being tossed into the air and landing with a splat, oh sweet satisfaction, on her bed, and ran to the door.

BAM. Something was being slammed hard against the door. Was she for goodness sakes drunk? Or, was my worst horror coming true? Were they…

Dribble. Dribble. Wet. Wet. Wet.

Yes, confirmed. They, stab me with a ballpoint pen (well don't…that would hurt, wouldn't it…or at least I think it would)…then, to my horror, with my ear pressed against the door, it slowly opened.

Nooooo!

I leaped towards the door, diving for my bed.

Except I landed on Hermione's bed. With the chocolate cake. No joined with pretty t-shirt to form Chocolate Shirt. Edible when starving in the dessert- warning, due to vile taste, smell, and look of poo, beware of death approaching at your doorstep sooner than planned.

Lying chest down on the poo resembling chocolate cake, god knows I should have said no when mum brought it up to me, Hermione and Harry walked in, as Harry gave her a final kiss goodnight. Right in front of me.

Twit traitor but still extremely hot guy kissed pregnant girl two! Who was meant for my brother! News flash. He did in front of me, as she sort of giggled.

And trust me, he looked like a good kisser. Better than how Percy looked. And Dean. And Michael. And Seamus. And Pigwideon. From Experience. All except Percy of course. As I said, my incest choice would now be Bill.

God, I need to fix that boredom issue.

But then, Hermione smiled a warm smile in my direction. "Thanks, Gin, for letting me use your bed."

And then she got into my bed. She. She got into MY bed. She got INTO my bed. THE TWIT!

And then she chose to switch the light off. And I was chest down on the chocolate also known as the poo cake.

Brilliant. Bloody Brilliant.

Chapter Three

Letters for Minstrels.

I hate her. I just had the absolute worst night of my life, minus that time I had to share a bunk with Percy. The horrors.

Chocolate cake was absolutely everywhere – and I shall not elaborate.

Just…Eurgh.

Showered. Me, actually shower? Haha, it's just a joke. Or so you think…

Anyways, I have braided my hair, and today I am going to try to be normal, to see if I can possibly attract the gorgeous boy.

I know, my head is full of him. But it's summer.

So, for a plan…I'll need potatoes, a muggle copy machine, one of dad;s plugs, and that vile chocolate poo cake.

Non, je suis a joshin' vous. Je smarter than…er…that.

Eh. I'll have to inform mum and dad that those francaisvous lessons were a farce. Maybe spainsho wouldo haveio been-o better-o

Or-o Not-o…

Ahh, must go demise on my plan. Maybe, gasp, the horror of all horrors, it might involve normalness.

Or the enemy, as Lena would say. Gosh I miss her.

Now that I ponder Lena's theories, it occurs to me that the normal are the enemy, but aren't we the normal ones and everyone else cra-

Oh god, dear god in the marigolds above, I making my head hurt. I need help for the plan, and the only help to get from to actually listen to is from an insane one.

Not from my family, mind you. I look somewhat sane next to them…Er, I take that back. Pregnant woman is un-proudly sane. We should dismember him.

Anywho, I should really send a letter to Lena, asking for help. And to come over. But I'll have to ask mum first.

Padding like a small little duckling I wandered down to tell her.

Skipping ahead a tomato, and hour, a fight, and a few thrown veggies, she said yes. Off to write that letter.

iDear Lena,

The fox out of the hole said Abba to plans for you at the Crazy Evil Veggetable.

At 5 Seductress of the sky, a days time from receiving this hickabob.

Kogs and Hisses,

Ginbottle

S.T. Plans for handsome head tomorrow shall cometh from the pens of insanity and beyond hope. Funsies./i

God do I love her and our secret talk. No one in their right mind, or for that matter, out of it, could decipher that message.

Cheers.

Chapter Four.

Drop the Poo!

I woke up to a reply from Lena the Lean – not.

Trust her to take forever. She probably got strangled up in the string I tied the letter to Pig with, the crazy, but oh-so-adorable girl. Wow that sounded wrong.

But off the slimy cheese bucket called Hermione I'm such a retarded cheating lying snogger of the nincompoop who nearly killed squirrel head, but failed Jane what a stupid middle name Granger scoop, there seems to be none.

Miss Prim Panties seems to be snoring her ugly Harry snogging head till like, forever.

Or, wait, forget that. The princess is awaking with a horrific yawn. I'm surprised her fangs that should normally be teeth on a normal human, aren't sharper.

I bet you she flattens them, you know, with a file thing.

Or gets her parents to do magic stuff since they're denty-whats-its. Either way, I hate the stupid ugly girl that used to be my friend and that knew that I liked him but lied to him for a snog Hermione what a retarded name Jane ugly headed middle name Granger.

How she annoys me to no end of the anger meter – but now that anger shall never end. I hope a bird-

Oh my, I must be psychic! Sitting on what should be Hermione's now slightly brown sheets, in flies Pigwideon, and takes a dump right on her head. She doesn't move, just stirs as slowly slides down her face. How could the idiot not tell?

Anywho, there's a letter tied to he's beak…the idiot.

I quickly untie it.

Evil VeggieFruit Head,

Coming Bye at 6 Seductress of the Night to this very even.

Plans major lajor for prim priss.

Lena Lean.

How is she not lovable?

Chapter Five

Ignorez Vous

In the deep fathoms of my mind, or empty space in my head, I have been thinking that we need someone so crazy- yet with the tiniest bit of sanity to help. Someone that is my other best friend from all eternity, well, okay, fifth year. Someone that had sprayed Slytherin sucks into their hair to make a protest.

Someone that hates her given name, Krista – well, who blames her. We need our very own Kris Walker.

Senora Insane, as I call her, needs to come here. The only trick – fooling my mother's mind for her to say yes.

This should be as easy as eating that poo cake I was having on the worst night of my night.

Which, might I remind you, is not a walk in the backyard. Especially with all those stupid gnomes.

Anuwhowhowhowho- I must alas ask her, a tromp tromp tromp and I am down the stairs, swooooosh, slide in front of her.

"mumcankriscomeherplease" I pleaded, ever so eloquently.

"Hmm, dear?" she said, using a feather dusting some dusty something or other of dustiness from the land of dust.

"Imeanpregnanimeanronhastwofriends." I said, the bee-a-u-ti-ful words, just flowing of my tongue.

"Slower, darling, or you'll choke on your tongue."

It then magically occurred to me that telling her about Kris two weeks ago might not have been so smart. Not so smart at all.

"Um…Can. I. Invite. A. Friend. Over. Ronhasa – he has two friends!"

She sighed, "Who?"

SQUEEEALCH! A fail in my monsterously smartolicous plan!

"Um…Er…Krissy- she's this really sweet, nice, adorable," gag me! "girl…who is kind and wonderful and not troublesome!"

I lied like a lying lawn chair lying …er…down? And then the best thing ever happened.

No, Harry didn't come downstairs and makeout with me with passion unknown to anything before. But, she said yes. Major ultra yayness! Time to write a letter to her.

Krista, my dearest darling.

My house. Tomorrow of the day of the year. Fun times, reply with a yes. Plans for Scarface and Miss I have an umbrella up my arse. Fun times.

Carrot Evilness.

Fun shall it be!

I have decided on my punishment to Harry and Hermione.

I must seduce Harry to be mine! Well…that's not really punishment, is it? Just like the weak outlining of a plan sure to crash into a thousand smithereens and stab me in the eye, and the arms and cause me to bleed the pain of one thousand deaths while I scream in agony and then I shall catch fire from the burning of the horrible plan and I will be burnt and ugly and-

God I've got to stop doing that.

But anyways- my big smart person I rock so hard plan is to ignorez him. He'll be wanting me anysecond.

Some hair flicks should do well.

But yes, it'll need development when Lean head is here.

Ah, speak of the Leanster. She is!

Funness.

The stair case is empty when I race down it. It is time! TIME! TIME! OUR PLAN SHALL COME ALIVE AND RULE ALL!

Cue the evil laughter and scary music, please.

Dun. Dun dun dun dunnnnn. Think that muggle musical with that Butler dude. God I need to get it out of my head.

Funness to the stunnness, fabulous Lena the Lean is here!

As I flung open the door to the borrow, she did our traditionally beaver movments – the teeth, and noise, and everything.

I, not wanting to be outdown, saluted her my traditional chipmunk.

It's so great to have her here!

And the havoc we shall wreak…especially on pregnant head.

Dearie Head,

Call me Krista and die. Heading over tomorrow. 'Scapin' the rents. Joyfulness of loveliness.

Smurf-Kris

She's coming! She's Coming!

Chapter Six

LaxLaxyLaxLax

With Lena here, everything seems better! The sky is green, the clouds are purple, the grass is orange – everything is back to normal.

But everything will not be at it's sharpest until Senora Insane comes. I can't wait. I hope she's dyed her hair again.

But mum'll have a heart attack.

Lena and I, have already had goodtimes, such as making Hermiones toothbrush spit cow you know what, making the teddy I'm so ugly bear (but not really…it's quite cute – ergh) poo all the time, putting these muggle things Lena calls laxatives, in her food. Seeing her race to the bathroom all the time is quite funny.

And the really funny thing is it's just day one. Today- pooh bear, the child maniac bear golden thing that is obsessed with honey, and wanted by all the muggle children is on Lena's mind.

Tomorrow- toothpaste or who knows.

But one thing I do know is that I can't stop laughing. Harry hasn't stopped standing next to the bathroom all day.

It must smell quite horrible for his nose.