Title: Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Author: Kimberly21570
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia and Natalia
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble, and some brief dialogue in this chapter belongs to them. Otherwise, the dialogue is original. Written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply.
Rating: Chapter 2 is rated R / T for sexual inferences, but subsequent chapters will eventually reach NC-17
Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Copyright May 2009
"Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need."
Sarah Ban Breathnach
Chapter 2 - Kitchens and Other Rooms:
While life in the farmhouse was far from uncomplicated, given months of the slowly shifting dynamic of their relationship, and now the burgeoning romance between Olivia and Natalia, it was, in fact, a comfortable sort of complicated; one which taught Olivia Spencer to appreciate the simple pleasures and joys that life could bring; one which afforded her a sense of balance; a stability, the likes of which she had never before known.
The farmhouse held many challenges, like the leaky pipe in the upstairs bathroom, the cantankerous valve on the propane tank that fueled their heat and ignited the flame on the stove, the antiquated pump that supplied water from the well, and the fact that one could hear the goings on in one room, echoing through the heating vents; depositing its secrets into the next.
But beyond the challenges, their quaint little home held myriad charms – The comforting creak of the wide plank hardwood floors as Natalia crept through the upstairs hall, pausing briefly at each slightly-cracked door; telling Olivia that she was making her nightly rounds, checking on those she loved … the sight of ducks ambling across the field or splashing in the water near the pond's edge … the aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the morning … the mooing of the cows as they greeted Emma during her evening visits … the crackle of flames dancing in the hearth, illuminating their living room with the soft glow of firelight … steaming mugs of hot cocoa, shared under a blanket on the sofa before bed … the cozy ambiance of kitchen … the sweet aroma of freshly baked bread and homemade cookies … the timbre of their laughter and conversations … These were the sights and sounds that infused their farmhouse; creating the welcoming ambiance of the first real home Olivia and Emma had ever known. And though, in the beginning, she was loath to admit it, Olivia easily grew to love the subtle, yet vastly rewarding life she shared with Natalia and Emma on the farm. Her restless heart had found contentment in the most unlikely of places; with the most unlikely of loves.
Natalia loved everything about living at the farmhouse, but she was never more at home than when she was in the kitchen; and the cozy room quickly became the heart of their home. Each time she entered, and set about preparing a meal or a special treat for her family, she did so with a lightness of heart and a renewed joy. Olivia cherished the experience of watching Natalia, as she danced around the kitchen; making a joyful experience out of that which Olivia considered a mundane chore.
Olivia marveled at Natalia, and how, almost effortlessly, the younger woman always managed to help her get Emma ready for school, pack the little girl's lunch, prepare breakfast for all three of them, and still have time to put something in the crock pot or in some way begin preparations for dinner; all before the bus arrived every morning. And without the slightest hint of regret, the endless days of room service and overpriced restaurants had been replaced with home-cooked meals, shared in the warmth of their kitchen. Olivia and Emma loved the experience of coming home to Natalia's cooking; and to an evening shared as a family. Weekends were even better, because they had more time to share together; and this one proved to be no exception.
Entering the kitchen, Olivia grabbed a spoon from the canister on the counter, and opened the lid on the pot Natalia had simmering on the stove. "Let's see … Mmm … smells good," she announced, as she stirred the contents. "Ooh, there's a lot of salt in this …" she choked, after taking a taste, "whaddaya tryin' to do – kill me?"
"No … I need your rent money …" Natalia replied blankly.
Olivia turned, a flirty smirk playing on her lips as she licked her fingers. Her eyes flashed as she studied the younger woman; appreciating her sense of humor and sarcastic wit; silently acknowledging that she had clearly met her match.
"So …" she began; wanton smile teasing her lips, as she sauntered toward the younger woman like a feral cat approaching its prey, "you profess undying love …" she said; fingers curling into those now-familiar belt loops on Natalia's jeans, pulling the younger woman taut against her own body. Her eyes were wild with desire, causing Natalia's mouth to desiccate like a gulch in the desert; her pulse escalating as her airway began to constrict. Bending down, Olivia nipped at the throbbing pulse point on Natalia's neck, "… and practically ravage me … in my bedroom; leaving me breathless and wanting more …" she breathed; smiling devilishly before kissing Natalia sensually. Natalia moaned softly, and Olivia smiled; pleased with the response she was eliciting. She broke away from the kiss, and found Natalia's eyes, playfully tormenting the younger woman "… and you're still gonna charge me rent?"
Natalia exhaled; releasing the air that was trapped in her lungs during Olivia's seductive little scene, and swallowing hard, she attempted to regain her composure. "Uhh … yeah …" she replied; teasing sarcasm in her pitch. "What – You think you're gonna get off …" she knew she'd set herself up the second the phrase made its exodus from her lips; but she continued with her thought, hoping to distract Olivia, Queen of Sarcasm and Sexual Innuendo, and avoid the fruition of the blush that was already rising in her cheeks, "scot-free around here … just because you know … how to get me … all … worked up?" she asked; feeling both flustered and excited by the memory of the response Olivia had so effortlessly evoked in her body.
"Oh … I definitely think I'm gonna get off …" Olivia growled; voice deep and alluring, one eyebrow arched seductively at Natalia; causing the younger woman's blush to deepen. "It's more a matter of logistics and timing, than plausibility …"
Natalia shot her a look. "That's rather … conceited … of you …"
"I'm not conceited …" Olivia argued; confidence in her voice. "I'm convinced …" she added; voice plump with attitude; accented with a knowing smirk and a determined nod of her head.
Natalia made a face at her. "I knew you were gonna say that."
Olivia's lips curled into a grin. "Oh, you knew I was gonna use those exact words?"
"Well, no … but … I saw the wheels turning in that naughty head of yours before I even finished the thought …"
"That naughty head of mine?" Olivia laughed. "Who are you – Donna Reed?"
"No …" Natalia responded causally; shaking her head, "I'm her long-lost Latina sister …"
"Spoken like a true smartass …" Olivia said admiringly; clearly impressed with the younger woman's unruffled, yet witty response.
"Gracias …" Natalia replied with a satisfied grin. "And what's this about me practically ravaging you? I did no such thing!" she protested.
"Ohhh … I'm pretty sure ya did …" Olivia playfully argued. "Please! Workin' that tongue … hands all over me …"
"Uhh … excuse me?" Natalia rejoined. "Were we even in the same room? As I recall … you were the one with the wandering hands … and little-miss-happy-tongue … and then there's that belt loop fetish …"
Olivia arched a deliberate eyebrow. "Well, you were the one doin' all the groaning …" she playfully reminded. Then, a scandalously delicious thought skipped through her mind, causing jade eyes to flash, as a devilish grin percolated on her lips.
A mild sense of foreboding mounted in Natalia's chest, as she watched the nascent fireworks; and she braced herself for the impending explosion.
"And while we're on the subject …" Olivia purred; sidling up to Natalia; pulling the younger woman into her arms, "what about this getting off thing …"
"Olivia!" Natalia screeched; slapping the older woman's arm. "Stop it," she playfully commanded.
"Oh, just stop with the protesting already," Olivia replied; rolling her eyes as she grinned. "If you weren't enjoying my … naughty … side, you wouldn't keep blushing and smiling …"
Natalia face held an even look. "No matter how hard you try to charm me, Olivia Spencer … you're not getting out of the rent …" she said dryly.
"I can make it worth your while …" Olivia flirted; voice low and sultry; as she leaned in nipping at Natalia's ear.
Natalia groaned at the contact; then laughed; enjoying the new lilt to their banter. "You're such a freeloader …" she grinned.
The tips of Olivia's mouth turned up, forming a smile. "You got me …" she whispered.
A soft smile graced Natalia's lips, as her eyes searched Olivia's face. "Yeah … I do …" she whispered; eyes filled with emotion. Then switching gears as quickly as a racecar driver, her eyes sparkled with mischief, as she shrugged her shoulders. "Jury's still out, but … I think you're worth keepin' …" she winked.
Olivia's mouth dropped open, as she feigned offense. "Very funny …" she replied bluntly; rolling her eyes.
"Whatever … You know you like it …" Natalia flirted.
"Maybe …" Olivia replied; attempting to feign disinterest. Her attempt was belied by her inability to suppress the soft smile that played on her lips, and Natalia grinned in response; pulling the older woman closer against her body.
"Maybe you like this …?" she posed; tipping up to kiss Olivia.
"Maybe …" Olivia breathed; smiling against Natalia's lips.
"Oh … you're gonna like it …" Natalia commanded; grinning against Olivia's lips, before kissing her again. "If we have to stay like this … All … Day … Long …" she said; accenting each word with a kiss. "You're gonna like it …"
"Hmmm … Sounds like a challenge …" Olivia noted; voice low and sultry; eyes flashing a mélange of passion and amusement.
Natalia grinned devilishly. "Maybe …" she rejoined; pulling Olivia into another slow kiss.
Olivia allowed Natalia to take the lead; melting into their kiss, as she wrapped strong arms around the younger woman; holding her close. This time, it was Natalia who urged lips to part … Natalia who was the first to slip a velvety tongue inside, exploring deeply … Natalia who hooked fingers into belt loops; pulling Olivia's body taut against her own. Olivia made a mischievous mental note to torment the younger woman about their pleasurable little role reversal … later, of course … then surrendered herself fully to the moment, and to the delightful attention she was receiving from the woman she loved. And this time, it was Olivia whose breath caught in her chest … Olivia who moaned gutturally … Olivia who …
"Are you guys kissing again?!" Emma chirped; innocently interrupting their moment.
Startled, the two women abruptly ended their kiss. Natalia blushed, as she buried her face against Olivia's shoulder. Olivia tenderly caressed Natalia's back, offering support, as she peered over the younger woman's shoulder, down into the innocent face of her daughter. "Does it … make you … upset … or confused … when you see Mommy kissing Natalia, Jellybean?" she probed gently; concern for her little girl evident in her tone.
Emma giggled. "You guys love each other – don't you?"
Natalia lifted her eyes to search Olivia's face, offering silent acquiescence; then turned in the older woman's arms, smiling down at the little girl. Olivia encircled Natalia from behind; sighing contentedly. "Yes … of course we do …" she answered softly; lips lightly brushing the younger woman's temple.
"Then that's what you're 'aposed to do, Silly …" Emma replied; giggling again, as she dramatically shook her arms in front of her for emphasis; rolling her eyes at the two adults who clearly should have known better.
The two women laughed jovially at the botched attempt to use a 'big girl' word; and concomitantly wondered at how a little girl could hold such keen insight.
Emma canted her head; peering up at the two women. "Mommy must love you lots, Natalia …" she deduced.
"Oh, yeah ….?" Natalia replied playfully; "and what makes you think that, Jellybean …?"
Olivia smiled at Natalia's use of her pet name for her daughter.
"'Cause she never kissed Daddy that good …" Emma announced, brown eyes widening in emphasis; causing Olivia to simultaneously blush and choke.
Natalia barked out an abrupt laugh; then immediately clapped her hand over her mouth to prevent any further involuntary emissions.
"Shut up," Olivia muttered; attempting to hold back a smile.
A quick glimpse of the expression on Olivia's face was all the impetus Natalia needed. Her willpower ruptured, and she burst into a fit of laughter; nearly doubling over from the force of it all.
"It's not that funny …" Olivia said flatly; knowing full-well how truly funny it was.
"Oh! … Yeah it is!" Natalia cackled; hand still covering her mouth, as she cradled her abdomen with her other.
"Stop it, Natalia!" Olivia smiled; jade eyes sparkling with humor, as her smile rolled into a hearty laugh.
As always, their laughter was completely infectious, and Emma joined them too. She wasn't sure what was so funny … but she knew she loved to laugh with her two mommies … And little did she know, it would be their laughter, their ability to relax and truly enjoy one another's presence, that would carry her family through myriad obstacles along their path toward the promising future they were destined to share …
____________________
After enjoying a lunch of homemade beef stew and freshly baked bread with her two mommies, they bundled Emma up in her winter gear: coat, hat, scarf, mittens, boots, and all; and she bounded out the back door of their house to talk to the cows; while Olivia helped Natalia clear the table and clean the kitchen. Natalia smiled as she watched Olivia submerge perfectly manicured hands into a sink full of dishwater, and begin washing a plate. She considered all of the sacrifices and changes this powerful, passionate woman had made, not only in her attitudes and behaviors, but in her overall lifestyle, within the past year, and she acknowledged to herself just how telling those changes truly were. "Know how I know you love me?" she quizzed; leaning casually against the stove, as she considered the older woman.
Olivia cast a suspicious glance over her shoulder. "How?" she inquired; a slight smirk teasing her lips, one eyebrow raised, as she awaited the inevitable response.
"Well … first of all … you consented to live on a farm …" Natalia noted; brow furrowed; lingering disbelief etched in her tone. "I still can't believe you agreed …"
Olivia set the clean plate in the drainer and turned toward Natalia, as she dried her hands on a blue gingham towel. "Uhh … Yeah. Never thought I'd find myself even visiting a farm … let alone living on one …" Olivia acknowledged; humor evident in her tone. "I mean, seriously … I'm used to my closest neighbor being a human being … not a … cow …" she said dryly; flinging her arm in the air for emphasis; the corner of her mouth upturned.
"You know you love the cows …" Natalia replied; pokerfaced, yet grinning on the inside. "And the little duckies …" she teased.
"Yeah … not a big fan of the cows, Sweetheart," Olivia rejoined; feigning aversion. "Now … the duckies … well …" she added; shrugging her shoulders in surrender.
"Ha! I knew it!" Natalia exclaimed; one firm clap of her hands emphasizing her response, as she grinned.
Olivia laughed; shaking her head at Natalia's child-like enthusiasm. "So … what else tells you that I love you?" she inquired; crossing her arms and legs as she leaned casually against the sink, awaiting the younger woman's response.
"Well … You do laundry … and you wash dishes …" she teased; eyes widening in emphasis as she smiled vibrantly. "And you even tried to cook …" she added. Then, as she remembered the billowing black smoke caused by that particular endeavor, she winced. "Yeah – don't ever try that again …" she teased; arching an eyebrow. "I'm rather … fond … of our home … and I'd prefer not to have it burned to the ground …"
Olivia laughed lightheartedly at the teasing. "Hey … I never claimed to be Julia Child …" she quipped; reaching into the sink, grabbing a handful of soap suds, and playfully slinging it toward the younger woman.
Natalia squealed; shielding her face just a moment too late, and a spattering of the suds landed on her cheek. She grinned at Olivia, reaching up to wipe away the offending substance. "Well, that was fun …"
"Oh, you liked that – did you?" Olivia teased; scooping another handful of suds out of the sink; lunging toward Natalia.
"Not so much," Natalia squeaked; playfully dodging the older woman.
Olivia shook her hand, splattering the suds across the kitchen floor, as she gave chase; easily catching and encircling Natalia in her arms from behind; nuzzling into her neck. She closed her eyes, breathing in the familiar scent of the woman she loved, and smiled against dark tresses. "You make me happy …" she whispered; sighing contentedly.
Natalia relaxed, leaning into her, allowing her head to drop back against Olivia's shoulder as she exhaled a long, contented sigh. "Feeling's mutual," she exhaled softly.
"So … this … what's happening between us … doesn't feel … weird … at all … to you …?' Olivia stammered; silently offering an uncharacteristic prayer to Natalia's God that He let her truly be okay with what she was feeling.
"Weird?" Natalia parroted; considering the question. "No …" she exhaled; shaking her head. "It's … new … and it's … different …" she acknowledged, "but …"
"But … it just feels so …" Olivia exhaled; instinctively picking up where Natalia left off.
"… right …" Natalia breathed; finishing their shared thoughts.
"Mmm … yeah …" Olivia hummed; pressing her face against Natalia's cheek, as she tightened her hold.
"I'm not gonna lie to you, though, and tell you I'm not … nervous … about everything that comes along with this …" Natalia stated candidly. "I … I don't have a clue … about how to be with a woman this way …"
"Neither do I …" Olivia quietly replied; and though it was admittedly quite the paradox, the admission somehow comforted both women. "I just know that I love you …" she whispered against Natalia's ear; lips giving chase to whispers as they brushed the younger woman's lobe.
Natalia moaned softly, her pulse instantaneously increasing at the touch of Olivia's soft, sensuous lips; prompting the older woman to continue her exploration. Slowly, she drew Natalia's earlobe into the warm wetness of her mouth, sucking lightly; causing the younger woman's breath to catch in her chest. Natalia lolled her head to the side, allowing Olivia better access, and Olivia continued, slowly inching her way down that supple neck, as she slipped her right hand under Natalia's sweater; agile fingers lightly exploring the soft skin along the her abdomen, just above her jeans.
The muscles of her abdomen seized and twitched as Olivia's fingers traveled across; discovering new territory. "What are you doing to me?" she whispered gutturally; a response to the sensual touch of those fingers on her abdomen, and the wetness of the older woman's mouth as it moved across her neck and up to her ear.
"Showing you how good I can be in the kitchen …" Olivia replied, voice low and sultry, between gentle nips and licks to Natalia's neck and earlobe.
Natalia giggled softly. "I'm impressed …" she moaned, as Olivia continued her show of expertise.
"Thought you might be …" Olivia growled, as she removed her right hand from beneath Natalia's sweater and lifted it to brush aside silky, raven tresses; allowing her access to the nape of the younger woman's neck; where she lingered for long moments before Natalia turned her head to the side, capturing Olivia's mouth in a long, slow tongue kiss.
As their kiss continued, Natalia turned to face Olivia; pressing into her; ambitious hands instinctively rippling up and down the older woman's back as Olivia pulled her close, savoring the nearness of her.
Several minutes, and equally as many kisses and moans later, Olivia came up for air; garnering a dissatisfied grunt from Natalia. "I know … me too," she empathized; smiling softly at her. "But as much as I'm enjoying this," she grinned devilishly, "I really think we should stop … before Emma comes back from her visit with the cows …"
Natalia halfheartedly nodded her head in agreement, and pressed her forehead against Olivia's chest; attempting to catch her breath as her heart rate returned to normal.
As she listened to Natalia's ragged breathing, Olivia arched an eyebrow. "So … I get you all worked up – huh?" she queried; feeling quite pleased with her newfound abilities. I'm such an overachiever, she thought; grinning to herself.
Natalia gulped nervously; looking up at this gifted woman who had proven to so expertly manipulate her body. "'Lil bit …" she sighed; embarrassment flushing her face.
"Well … I may not be the best cook in the world … but you have to admit … I'm damn good in the kitchen …" Olivia proudly smirked. "You can keep the pots and pans … 'cause clearly, I don't need 'em …"
"Oh, Olivia …" Natalia sighed; rolling her eyes, as she shook her head in bewildered amazement. Knowing there was no arguing, given the present state of her own body, she willingly surrendered to the inevitable. "Something tells me you'll be good in every room …" she winked; nervous excitement fluttering in her chest and abdomen at the notion of things to come.
Olivia just laughed.
____________________
Later that evening, after they tucked Emma into bed, Olivia sauntered into the living room carrying two classes of red wine. She stopped at the sofa, bending down to kiss Natalia sweetly before handing her one of the glasses.
"Mmm …" Natalia grinned, "I think I like this new delivery system …"
"Well, don't get used to it," Olivia warned mischievously; sitting down next to her. "I'm not much good at being … domesticated …"
"I think you do just fine …"
"Just don't leave me alone with the laundry," Olivia rejoined; fidgeting nervously with her wineglass. "You wouldn't believe the damage I might be capable of if you're not there to supervise …"
"You wanna tell me what's really on your mind?" Natalia probed; knowing full-well that Olivia's banter was an attempt to cover a torrent of hidden emotions.
Olivia sighed. "You know me far too well …" she declared softly; taking a sip of her wine before leaning forward, setting the glass on the coffee table. She settled her elbows on her knees; pinching the bridge of her nose; a sign that she was frustrated, or that she had entered deep thought.
Natalia recognized the telltale sign, and allowed her the moment, as she studied her carefully; noting the deep sadness that momentarily clouded the older woman's eyes. Her heart ached to bring this wounded woman the comfort she deserved; yet she felt helpless to do so. In her helplessness, she offered a silent petition to God; that He provide her with wisdom and discernment. Then, shifting her attention from the sorrow in those haunting eyes to the subtle glow of Olivia's face, she set her wineglass down on the coffee table, and leaned in, tenderly brushing her lips against one cheek. "Talk to me …" she quietly implored; gently caressing Olivia's back.
Olivia drew in a deep breath, garnering strength. "Today has been completely amazing …" she whispered; head bowed, hands clasped together in front of her. "I'm still not certain what all of this means … but I'm so thankful that we've finally put our feelings out there – That we're … together …"
"So am I …" Natalia quietly agreed; breathing a sigh of relief. She reached over with her other hand, tenderly brushing chestnut locks from Olivia's eyes; capturing the older woman's gaze. "I hear a huge 'but' coming, though …"
"Yeah …" Olivia sighed heavily; shaking her head.
"Phillip?"
"You got it," Olivia corroborated; exasperation and fear engraved in her tone.
Natalia studied Olivia's face; concern etched on her brow. "Would it help you any … if I went with you to see him?" she offered.
Alarm instantly registered. "Phillip has a tendency to hurt people who cross him ..." Olivia quickly replied; her tone embossed with a mixture anger and protectiveness. "I don't think you know what he's like …"
Holding her own against this formidable woman, Natalia answered, "Well, I know what the Spauldings are like, and I know I would do anything to protect you and Emma …"
Knowing the argument was futile; given Natalia's infamous stubborn streak, Olivia relented. "Well … if we're gonna flag a bull, we need a plan," she replied; slight smirk on her lips and rising confidence in her voice.
"We tell the truth …" Natalia announced, "that Emma lives here … in a wonderful home … with two people … who love her …"
"Two people who are what … exactly … to each other?" Olivia queried; eyes locked on Natalia's. "We have to come up with an explanation we can both live with, 'cause Phillip's gonna wanna know …"
"You worry too much …" Natalia sighed, as she placed her hands on Olivia's forearms; then slid them down towards her hands, where the older woman's fingers instinctively intertwined with her own. "And my offer still stands … if you want me with you, just ask …" she reiterated; dark eyes still searching Olivia's; offering her reassurance.
Olivia slowly moved into Natalia's arms; burying her face in the younger woman's neck. "Thank you … for loving us … and for being so strong for us …" she whispered; once again allowing herself to be held and comforted. "I love you …"
"Always …" came the whispered reply, as Natalia leaned back on the sofa; pulling Olivia with her. And as she held the older woman close, offering her comfort, Natalia sent forth another silent petition to her God, that all of Olivia's heartache and fear would dissipate; being replaced by the wealth of love and safety Natalia longed to provide for her and their daughter.
____________________
Several hours later, as the last lingering embers of the fire finally threatened to extinguish, Natalia gently nudged the woman who slumbered contentedly in her arms. "Olivia … Honey …" she whispered against Olivia's ear; rousing her from peaceful rest, "it's late … we should get some sleep …"
"I am getting some sleep …" Olivia groggily protested; waving a dismissive hand in the air. "I wanna stay right here," she whined; snuggling further into Natalia's embrace.
Natalia smiled softly against Olivia's temple. "Well, if you don't let me walk you to your room … then how I am supposed to kiss you goodnight?"
"Well … you could just kiss me right here …" Olivia helpfully suggested; a quiet smile playing on sleepy lips.
Natalia's lips twisted into a quirky grin. "I suppose I could …" she replied in leisurely supposition; lending credence to Olivia's suggestion. "But … then I wouldn't get to push you up against your door …"
"Tease …" Olivia playfully accused; smiling against the curvy breast that had been her welcomed pillow.
"Hey, now … I'm only a tease if I say it … and then don't do it …" Natalia grinned; mounting her own defense, as the sweet tension between them mounted in direct proportion.
"And just what would you do … if I called your bluff, Little-Miss-Sassy-Pants?" Olivia posed; devilish grin twitching at the corners of her mouth.
"Guess you'll just have to try it … and find out …" Natalia challenged; grinning surreptitiously.
"You … are on …" Olivia growled; suddenly more rejuvenated than she'd felt in years. She sprang from the sofa, taking Natalia's hand in her own; pulling her along for the ride.
Natalia squealed as Olivia pulled her from the sofa. "Wait a minute!" she laughed. "I need to bank the fire …"
Olivia let out a dismissive grunt. "Let it bank itself … My door is waiting …"
"Well, aren't we the eager little beaver?" Natalia innocently teased, as she banked the fire for the night, closed the screen, and set the fire tongs back in the stand.
"Wow … first day out … You sure catch on fast …" Olivia muttered; knowing full-well Natalia would miss the double entendres. "Next you'll be suggesting fish tacos for dinner …" she snarked under her breath.
"What?"
"Nothing …" she said dismissively; slight smirk teasing her lips. She took Natalia's hand; their fingers instinctively intertwining, as Olivia led her up the stairs; mumbling about a toaster oven.
"We don't need a toaster oven …"
"Some might argue …" Olivia debated. "And since we already live together … it's the U-Haul that we don't need …" she grinned.
Natalia's face wore a look of confusion. "Olivia, I don't understand …"
"Someday you will …"
Natalia shot her a look. "Well that sounds ominous …"
Olivia laughed. "Nah … it's just a little lesbian humor that I picked up from Doris Wolfe…" she informed. "You know her … The woman never misses an opportunity to deliver a smartass remark."
"Yeah …" Natalia muttered distractedly, as she mentally retraced the steps of their conversation; arriving at five key ingredients: eager beavers, fish tacos, toaster ovens, U-Hauls and … lesbians. "Well, I don't find it very amusing …" she stated; making a mental note to Google the curious hodgepodge at her first opportunity.
"Now … what was this about a goodnight kiss … and my bedroom door?" Olivia flirtingly inquired; distracting Natalia from her thoughts as they arrived at their destination.
Natalia casually spun Olivia around, settling her against the door; their fingers still entangled. She smiled shyly. "Oh, just a little … fantasy … of mine …" she quietly confessed; blushing slightly, as she focused on their intertwined fingers.
Olivia perked to attention. The mere notion that Natalia would fantasize about her, excited her more than she could ever imagine. "You … You've had … fantasies … about me?" she stammered hungrily; powerless to conceal her reaction to the younger woman's admission.
Natalia exhaled heavily; rethinking the wisdom in voicing her confession. "I probably shouldn't have admitted to that …" she said as an afterthought; blush deepening.
"It'll be our little secret …" Olivia whispered conspiratorially; jade eyes flashing, as a playful grin teased the corners of those ever-beckoning lips.
"There it is …" Natalia whispered.
"There what is?" came the quiet reply.
"That look … the one that completely disarms me …" she breathed.
"I disarm you?" Olivia said breathily; those lips twitching ever so slightly again, as eyes slowly searching the younger woman's face.
"Yes …" Natalia quietly confessed, "with that smile … the one that seems to just … tiptoe … across your lips, every time you look at me …" she whispered; fingers lightly tracing Olivia's lips. "It's barely there, like a breath inside a whisper … or this little secret – one that's meant only for me …" she quietly surmised; lips lightly brushing behind the path of her fingers.
The slightest touch of Natalia's lips; and a sharp intake of air burned through Olivia's lungs. "Natalia …" she exhaled; the heat in those lungs expelling; leaving the impression of shards of glass in its wake.
A dusky haze fell over jade eyes, as Natalia gazed into their dark recesses. "And those eyes …" she whispered; "the way they flash the most amazing shades of green; bright and clear when you're happy … dark and shadowed when you're angry … and that sort of dusky haze that brushes across them when your passions are ignited …"
She reached up, gently caressing Olivia's face, "Like right now …"
Then, tunneling sinewy fingers through chestnut curls, she rose up on tiptoe, brushing her lips against Olivia's again. Their kiss began as a tenuous exploration, as Natalia slowly bathed quivering lips with her tongue. She gently nibbled on Olivia's lower lip then; eliciting a soft whimper, before completely covering the older woman's mouth with her own. Olivia's lips parted, allowing entrance to Natalia's tongue, and as their kiss deepened, sending simultaneous shockwaves through their bodies, Olivia pulled her close; Natalia's arms instinctively making their way around her neck. She pressed her body against Olivia; pushing her firmly against the door.
Olivia's head reeled, as her body instinctively responded to Natalia's kisses; to the younger woman's body, pressed firmly against her own; to the soft, sensual touch of those fingers as they caressed the back of her head, her neck and then her shoulders, before they finally came to gently cup her face. She felt her desire beginning to build. But it wasn't the kind of pounding, demanding desire that she had experienced in the past; the kind that would have her simply take what she wanted, and walk away, once satisfied. No. This? This desire was a slow burning desire; one that held her in its tender embrace; one that awakened emotions she thought long-deceased, if they ever existed before at all; one that she wanted to stoke, deliberately, though ever so gently, encouraging it along until it slowly blossomed into a flame, then ignited into a blazing inferno. This was kind of desire that could, once satisfied, sustain her for a lifetime.
Olivia groaned softly against Natalia's mouth; expertly matching the movements of the younger woman's tongue; causing the embers of passion to flicker into a slow burn. Natalia was suddenly acutely aware of the heat of Olivia's body, as it molded perfectly against her own, of the exquisite hands that gently but firmly massaged her back; and of the flickering embers of her own desire as they sparked in her own body. Slowly, slowly, she brought their kiss to an end; eliciting a disapproving groan from her partner.
"I know, Honey …" she empathized quietly, "but it's late … and we really should get some sleep. Emma will be up early …"
"How am I supposed to sleep now?!" Olivia whispered breathily; searching Natalia's eyes; her eyes and tone laden with the remnants of desire. It was a question uttered out of longing; rather than accusation. "Will you stay with me … just let me hold you …?" she asked; her voice brimming with quiet emotion.
Natalia searched those dusky green eyes; noting the unspoken emotion. "As much as I want to, Olivia, I can't … I can't stay with you tonight …" she whispered. "I just …"
Olivia's face wore a mixture of disappointment and understanding. "You don't need to explain. I understand about your beliefs …"
"No, Olivia … I don't think you do understand," Natalia quietly countered. "This isn't about my beliefs …"
"Then what is it about?" Olivia inquired; just as confused as she was curious.
"I'm feeling … things … right now … and … if I stay with you tonight … I'll want things …" she explained; hoping Olivia would understand the inferred message. "Things … that I'm not quite sure I'm ready for at the moment … Things I'm not sure you're ready for either …"
Reaching out, Olivia gently touched Natalia's face; lightly tracing a finger along her jaw line. "This is a lot to take in all at once – Isn't it?" she quietly empathized.
"Yeah …" Natalia exhaled; nodding her head slowly. "But please know that I'm fine with my beliefs, Olivia. I have no reservations … about loving you. I promise. And when the time is right for both of us, we'll be together …"
"You know … if you ever want to talk about your beliefs, and how they fit into all of this … I'm here to listen …" Olivia offered. "No matter what else exists between us, we're friends, first and foremost, and I want to be here for you – the way you've always been there for me … and … I want to understand …"
Natalia smiled softly. "That's one of the things I love the most about you, Olivia Spencer," she announced. "You may not share my beliefs … and sometimes you even tease me about
them … but when push comes to shove, you're willing to try to understand them … for me …"
Olivia just nodded her head in agreement. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you …" she said quietly. And there it was: a promise, issued on a breath, and carried into the night on a whisper; a promise that Olivia Spencer would keep over and over throughout the course of their lifetime together. She gently cupped Natalia's face in her hands, and dipped her head down then, capturing beckoning lips with her own; sealing that promise with a slow, deliberate kiss.
And when their kiss ended, she searched those dark, inviting eyes. "Just so you know … I've had fantasies too …" she whispered informatively; yet almost tormenting, as that familiar grin twitched on the tips of her mouth.
Natalia gulped; wanting to know more; yet fearing the knowledge, in the same breath.
A moment later, the teasing twitching stopped; giving way to a soft smile. "But nothing I ever fantasized, compares with what I'm feeling right now …" she confessed. "I love you, Natalia …" she whispered; covering the younger woman's lips with one final lingering goodnight kiss – a kiss that left Natalia wanting even more.
As lips reluctantly parted, Natalia stood breathless in front of Olivia. "Now … how am I supposed to sleep?" she whispered; soft smile teasing at her kiss-swollen lips.
"Turnabouts fair play," Olivia grinned knowingly; one eyebrow arched.
"I suppose it is …" Natalia quietly concurred; smiling up at her. "I should go to bed now …" she said reluctantly. "I love you … and I'll see you in the morning …"
"Goodnight …" Olivia whispered.
Natalia turned; her fingers reluctantly taking their leave from Olivia's. She walked away; and as Olivia turned the handle to her bedroom door, she heard the younger woman muttering, "I'm never gonna survive her … She's good in doorways, too …"
Olivia smiled to herself, and walked into her room; closing the door behind her.
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Olivia slipped into her favorite satin pajamas, and glided into bed; the coolness of the sheets offering sharp contrast to the heat of her skin, as it permeated the silky barrier. The sensation of Natalia's body, of her lips, and her tongue, still lingered in the places where they last touched; and though the height of desire had given way to light banter and quiet declarations, Olivia still felt the slow ache for Natalia, burning in her abdomen; and splaying throughout her body. Natalia's scent surrounded her; leaving her heady with desire, much as she had on many a previous night; though, unwittingly so.
She let out a frustrated sigh; switched the light off, and turned deliberately on her right side, pulling the covers up around her. She thought about Natalia; how much she loved her, and how much she needed her … in the most feral of ways. Not just tonight, but in times past. Times when they'd had a fight, and Olivia was so turned on she thought she would explode from want of the raven beauty who had captured her heart, unawares … Times when Natalia had held her in a lingering embrace, or even just brushed up against her in the most subtle of ways … And that night, after Olivia first kissed her; pretending it was only to emphasize her point; yet knowing it was so much more … So many times, she could no longer count … She wanted that release. Now. But more than that, she needed it. And like so many times before, she turned on her back and slipped her left hand down, tunneling beneath the satin of her pajama bottoms; experienced fingers effortlessly finding the source of her eternal aching, as her right hand slipped up under her pajama top; finding first one throbbing nipple; then the other; teasing them to aching attention. She thought of Natalia. That vibrant smile … and those heart-stopping dimples … the ones that threatened to disarm her every time they made an appearance … The way her long, raven locks cascaded down, brushing lightly against those strong, determined shoulders … The way it felt, falling asleep in her arms on the sofa; resting her cheek against one firm breast … And the smooth slope and the curved swell of her breasts, on rare occasions when she wore something that showed off that enticing cleavage – like the day of Emma's presentation; the day she first had the nerve to kiss the object of her deepest affection … Oh, God … That Dress, she thought; causing her breath to catch in her chest … The softness of her lips, and the silky smoothness of her tongue, when she kissed her … The sensation of her body as it pressed Olivia against her bedroom door … Olivia groaned; her breathing increasing in direct proportion to her burning arousal, as she expertly manipulated her body. But the closer she drew to release, the more she realized that as much as she needed it, she didn't really want it – not without Natalia there to share it with her. She cursed against the darkness, and sighed again, as she slowly removed her hand. And for the first time in Olivia Spencer's life, the aching need of her body, of her carnal self, surrendered to the aching need and the deepest desires of her heart …
"Loving you … is such sweet torture …" she whispered into the night.
She pounded a frustrated fist into her pillow, turned and slammed her body back down onto the bed; knowing that sleep would not come easily …
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Natalia changed into her comfy flannel pajamas, and quickly slipped between cool sheets; the sensation of Olivia's lips still burning on her own. How is it possible that she affects me so strongly? she wondered. Those eyes … the way they pierce right through me … That smile … the way it plays on her lips, letting me know it's there, just under the surface … but keeping itself from me, like it holds some sort of secret … That laugh … God, her infectious laugh … the way it invades my heart, captivates my soul … And the gentle cadence of her voice as she whispers my name … Sometimes … she leaves me speechless when she talks to me …
Mirroring Olivia, she let out a frustrated sigh; switched the light off, and turned deliberately on her left side, pulling the covers up around her; her thoughts returning to Olivia. Those lips … the way she kisses me … Her fingers, her hands … the way they feel when she touches me … That body … the way it molds so perfectly to mine … She intoxicates me …
And then it heard it. The faint, familiar sounds of Olivia, as she quietly moaned into the night. So many times she had heard the older woman; instinctively knowing what she was doing; and hypothesizing as to the reasons why. There were nights when she longed to indulge; to share the moment with her, even in their separateness. And there were nights when she longed to go to the woman she loved; to share the moment together. But Catholic guilt held her firmly in check. Tonight was different, in so many ways; then again, it wasn't different at all. Natalia battled in her heart, as she listened to Olivia; her gentle stirrings; those soft, beckoning moans. Then she was hot. She kicked the covers off; and flopped in the other direction. And then it was quiet. Olivia's soft moans had stopped short of their natural crescendo, and Natalia wondered at their rapid break. Her frustration only increased, and truth be told, she wanted to curse. The moment that thought crossed her mind, the clouds shifted in the sky, sending moonlight streaming through her window; illuminating the rosary beads that lay on her nightstand. Subtle, she thought; knowing nothing was benign, and that God had purpose in everything. She picked up the rosary beads; pressing them firmly to her lips, and did what she always did in moments like this: She talked quietly to her God …
"I refuse to believe that You could hate me for loving her …" she stated quietly, yet firmly; "because You are the One Who brought her to me … You planted her … right in the middle of my life; whether I liked it or not. And I didn't like it … At least not at first … But then … It was You Who told me she needed someone to really know her; someone to understand her; someone to truly love her; someone to show her the way …" she gently reminded. "And You even showed me how to do that …" she added. "The more I fought you, the more You showed me the parts of her that were worth loving … And they are worth loving … I thank You for that gift … It's the most amazing gift You've ever given me – the ability to love her so completely," she said appreciatively; tears of joy welling up in those dark brown eyes; threatening to spill. She sniffed, and continued, "And … You helped me ignore the things that made me want to throttle her some days …" she candidly acknowledged. "That was good too," she confirmed with a knowing smile, and a deliberate nod of her head. "So … You know what? I need You to help me with this, too," she petitioned. "I need You to show me how to be … intimate … with her … without feeling scared …" She paused for a moment, fiddling with the rosary beads, as she considered what it was, exactly, that she was asking. "I know it's an … unusual … request, but … You're my best friend. She thinks that's funny, but it's true … You're the One I come to when I need help … And I really need Your help right now … So … Yeah …"
She knew that was the lamest ending to a prayer ever, but she was spent, and quite frankly, a bit taken aback at her own request. She set her rosary beads back on the nightstand, and rolled over; attempting once again, to find sleep.
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As Olivia's thoughts and frustrations quieted, she heard Natalia's voice, faintly wafting through the vents of the old farmhouse. Many a night, Olivia lay awake, cursing the maddening woman under her breath, as Natalia sent forth her nightly petitions to a God that Olivia did not know or understand. A God she wasn't even certain really existed. And many other nights found her listening intently; touched by the words that so effortlessly, so lovingly spilled from Natalia's lips. Often, on those nights, Olivia found herself wondering about this God to Whom Natalia prayed; and just as often, she longed to understand just what it was, exactly, that drew the woman so steadfastly toward Him.
On this night, she listened intently to Natalia's heartfelt petition to her God. And while tonight was not so different from those other nights, it was this night that she felt as though she were eavesdropping.
Regardless, she couldn't stop the words from flooding her ears; saturating her borrowed heart. They made her giggle, just a little … and they brought her to a deeper understanding of so much more … And it was on this particular night, with teardrops streaming down her cheeks, saturating the pillow beneath her face, that Olivia Spencer finally purposed in her heart, to find the answers she sought. Not only for the love of Natalia Rivera … but for the love of her daughters … and ultimately, for the love of herself …
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Despite her most valiant effort, sleep was not a willing participant to Natalia's plan. Frustrated, reached over; switching on the light on her nightstand. She stretched over the edge of her bed; purposefully balancing, so as not to fall off and crack her head – Olivia would totally make fun of her for that – and retrieved her laptop from the floor. She sat up then, propping pillows against the headboard; and leaning back into them, she hit the button to awaken the antiquated machine from its slumber. She mumbled under her breath about the frustration she felt, "Of course the machine can sleep …" she groused.
Several minutes of non-responsiveness later, Natalia tapped on the machine in annoyance. "Hello! Can we wake up please?" she nagged. "Ugh … This thing is harder to wake up than Olivia …"
The machine hissed and whined, showing its vehement disdain for having been wakened; and finally, Natalia's wallpaper appeared – The picture of her, with Olivia and Emma on New Year's Eve – the one with Olivia's hand pressed gently against her back. She smiled softly, as she remembered that night; the warmth of Olivia's hand, and the way it felt to ring in the New Year with the two girls she loved most in the world. She sent up a short prayer of thanksgiving, for Olivia's willingness to risk making her angry, to test her faith; and another prayer of thanksgiving, that she had passed that test, and come home to her family, where she belonged.
She sighed contentedly then, and clicked the quick start button for Firefox; waiting for the Internet to connect. Several deliberated keystrokes and a few minutes later, Natalia had at least some of the answers she sought. She wore a devilish grin, as she picked up her cell phone, and began tapping on the buttons …
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Olivia's cell phone rang out in the night; startling her from semi-sleep. "Who the fuck …?" she grumbled in protest, as she picked up the offending device; shooting it an obstinate glare. She stared at the screen, attempting to focus, and as the fog cleared from her eyes, she read:
One New Message from: My Heart's Desire, the screen said; and a slow smile crept across her lips. She paused for a moment, giving quiet thanks that the deepest desire of her heart was finally hers to hold. Then, shaking her head, she returned her attention to the flashing message. "What is she doing?" she chuckled. She tapped the green button, accepting the message:
My Heart's Desire: So … which one of us actually won the toaster oven?
Olivia's infectious laughter rang out; bouncing against the rafters of the old farmhouse. And as the sound of her laughter sifted through the vents, permeating the walls of Natalia's room, she smiled knowingly, and drifted off to sleep, laptop still humming, cell phone still in hand; dreaming of the night when she and Olivia would finally make love.