CLANN- The Stolen Child, 2:07 mins. in if you're not into alt. music.

CLANN- Hold You

Typed in the app.

Sadly the celebration ended bloody. I had cut myself opening Esme and Carlisle's present and it was too much for Jasper. Jasper and Edward fought. Everything on the tables were on the ground, the piano where Edward played the lullaby he made for me was destroyed, and the decorations were torn down. It was a heartbreaking, gut wrenching ride home. Edward didn't say a word, and it was hard not to cry. He was so silent and I was so scared. I gripped the finger Carlisle wrapped for me, cursing myself.

"I'm sorry about what happened," I blurted out once Edward stopped the car.

"Don't apologize for what happened. It isn't your fault." He said looking straight ahead.

"But-"

"Charlie is about to come to the door and see us. We have to act normal," I looked to the door then back at him.

"But we're not okay," He forced a smile on to his face.

"Don't worry. Jasper just needs some time away and we're going to help him." Charlie was there now, waiting for me on the porch.

"Are you coming upstairs?" I asked. I held my breath.

"I'll be there while you talk to him."

"Okay." I said. I made sure my arm was covered -I wish I could have stalled leaving the car- before I got out of the car and hoped Charlie didn't notice something amiss.

Charlie and I were still awkward around father-daughter stuff, so we never lingered. But blowing out the candles on the berry cobbler he picked up from the diner still took longer than I liked. I rushed upstairs with every intention of forgetting to brush my teeth, and went into my room. To my relief he was there.

"I have to go now. My family needs me."

"O-oh." I staggered to him, my breath stuck in my chest. "Okay, then."

He turned his head away when I was too close. I figured he could still smell my blood through the bandages. Everyone but Carlisle, Emmett and Edward cleared the house when the blood started flowing. He was experiencing the same thing he did when he had to suck the venom out to same me.

"This isn't like James," I whispered.

"You're right. It's not."

"I meant I wasn't close to dying-"

"You could have." He said. "James was a rouge vampire, but I can't fight my brother like that." Guilt racked and twisted my insides.

"I have to go." He huffed, trying to calm down. "My family needs me a bit more." And I shouldn't be selfish to make him stay so I felt better.

"Okay," I surrendered.

There was no way I would be able to sleep tonight. I busied myself by starting the scrapbook Reneé gave me, and taped on the photos Alice took for me. Everyone looked so happy in them. When everything was falling apart, their faces were twisted with fear and stress. I imagined Rosalie was furious with me, blamed me. That's ok. So did I. I don't give a damn Jasper could've killed me if Edward was a second too late. I just don't want them angry with me or- where was Alice's gift? I didn't see it on the bed where I put the other presents the Cullens gave me. I searched my room to be sure, but it wasn't there. Where could it be?

For two days the Cullens we're nowhere to be seen. Edward said they took Jasper to Denali, but did they all have to leave? I suppose that wasn't strange. But Edward seemed to do his best to keep his distance. He wouldn't shake off my touch, but it was almost as if I had just moved here all over again. I had to be grateful for school, it was the only reason why he was next to me. I wanted to confront him. Just tell me what's wrong already. So when he asked me to follow him into the forest behind Charlie's house, I followed.

(Insert 'You don't want me?" conversation)

I laid in bed for several days, dying, wishing I was dead. Wondering if I was dead. But the pain was too bad and too real for that to be true. My life was gone. My future, my everything. It would feel like my heart was wrenched out of me every time I thought about it. "You don't...want me?" I asked. After I gave him all of me, he-

I ran after him. What he said couldn't have been the truth. I loved him, and he loved me. But he didn't need me like I did. They were like air. As much as I loved my parents, I missed out on a lot of normalcy because of their separation. I know Reneé did her best, but I had to remind her to pay the bills sometimes, and make sure what we ate was edible. Carlisle and Esme were loving and welcoming from the begining. They made sure I was taken care of, ate. They would cook even though they didn't eat. My eyes welled up imagining their smiling faces.

With Emmett and Alice's energy, and Jasper's efforts to withstand my scent, I felt wanted. I had a family. If E-He stayed, and wanted me, they would have been my family too. I would have never had to be apart from them, my mortality wouldn't limit my time with them. My life was gone.

After- I don't know how many days- I was able to drag myself out of bed to look at the scrapbook, see them again. To my horror, all of the photos of them were gone. I looked for their gifts, and the only thing that remained in my room were the plane tickets. I screamed. The people that meant everything to me couldn't just vanish without a trace! They couldn't just be here and every proof of their existence gone, with no hint if I'd ever see them again! They may not come back to Forks in my lifetime.

Charlie didn't come in to see if I was fine, just like how he stopped coming into my room when I had the nightmare again. He left me alone unless I had to eat. He'd leave it near me, sometimes not say anything, then leave.

"You have to go back to school, Bella. I can't stall anymore. And you can't cry anymore. One person shouldn't be worth your entire life," He scolded. I turned away, keeping a sob in. It wasn't just my life, it was my forever.

"When your mother left me and took you with her, I was broken and scared that I'd never see you again. But I had to keep going. I had to fight to keep everything else, so when the day came that I got to have you back, all of this was still here. He's just a boy!" He said.

"You still get to see mom!"

"There'll be others, you're still young! It feels that way, but he's not the end all, be all!"

"I got it, Charlie, I get it!" I shouted from my perch. "I'll go back to school. You won't have to deal with that anymore, just please, let me deal on my own!"

Fed up, he left my room and slammed the door behind him.

Going back to school was the worst. Everyone knew, and everyone stared like they did when I first arrived only worse.

"Bella!" Mike shouted. "How've you been, we've missed you? We thought you were going back to Arizona for a sec," He said cheerfully. Ever so like a golden. The others were behind him. Half looked unhappy I was back, mainly Jessica and Lauren. Angela was happy, Eric, a bit, and Austin, indifferent.

"Um, yeah. Fine." I muttered.

"Forget about that douche-"

"Don't, just...don't." I told him.

"O-okay." He continued walking next to me to English

"The gang and I are going to see One Punch Man when it comes out. Wanna come?"

"Sure," I said, turning into the classroom. Whatever to shut him up.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw the pair of empty desks. I drew in a slow, shaky breath before continuing down the aisle and sat down. Edward's missing followed me like that.

It didn't get easier at all. I think going back to school made it worse. But I managed to get by with my classes. I'd sit alone at lunch because the others got tired of me, and would stare at the table the Cullens would sit at. Back when our love was just blooming. Or just my love. It doesn't matter. It was real, they were real, that night was real. I'm not crazy.

Remembering that night made me feel almost robbed. I was genuine with every touch, every kiss, every moan. When I held him tight- the trust I gave him when he-I squeezed my eyes shut. The memory of his touches and kisses were both good and disgusting, like black and white paint stirred unceremoniously. Was I dirty now, for trusting the wrong person? How much was I worth now? Was I worth anything at all to him if he could do this to me?

Charlie and Reneé still didn't know. I wish I could tell them. I wish my mom could hold me while I cried. I wish they could put me back together. I wish Edward just killed me.

This part I cut out of the you-dont-want-me part because I didn't think Edward would say this even in that situation:

"No. I got what I wanted. It was an experiment from the begining, Bella." That's what he said. How could he? And the others?

Bella's description of what the Cullens meant to her was added impromptu. I thought that we never got to know her deeply, but when I wondered, that's what I found. Sorry if it seemed out of place. I'll see you next time.

The movie in New Moon isn't called that, but I remember the lines we heard in the movie were dumb as hell and that name popped up XD