CLANN - Dark Angel/Closer

The throwing up kept happening but I wasn't ashen or sweating like the others. Maybe the flu takes while to get bad.

I tried calling Jacob again to see how he was holding up, but it either went to voicemail or Billy said he wasn't home. That was weird. Jacob was always home, ever since his friends went AWOL. I worried.

The darkness started closing in on me again as the days went on. I tried to bear it but I prayed Jacob would call back.

AliceI

I typed. I wrote to Alice. Writing 'updates' to her filled in the spaces where Jacob wasn't.

Things are bad again. I don't know why but Jacob's been blowing me off. With him not around, everything is dark again. I don't know why he's doing this to me-

I was almost mad.

-I thought I was better, but maybe he could still see the damage. I let loose around him. I thought I could. Maybe I should have been more careful. More in control.

I don't know what I did. It just doesn't make any sense. But I'm afraid I'm being left again.

Alice, I'm scared.

"You should lay off the ho ho's" Lauren said, looking at my abdomen. I'm so not in the mood right now, I thought, glaring.

"Lauren," Angela started. Her voice wavered but she had always wanted to say something. She was just afraid of Lauren turning her malice to her. I would have finished it if I didn't have the urge to throw up. Lips pressed, I sat my stuff down and tried to exit the cafeteria calmly. I started running once in the hall, shouting curses in my head.

Hunched over the bowl I went over what I've eaten today that could have triggered the nausea. Useless. I haven't eaten much today or last couple of days, and nothing unusual. Nothing sat right. How many days has it been now? I thought in frustration.

I counted back as I washed my hands and noticed it was a week after I would usually get my period. Even if it was a bit late I would have gotten it by now. That's annoying. Now I'll be surprised by it. I met my eyes in the mirror,- they were sunken and I looked haggard- then looked down at my stomach. It didn't stick out terribly, I don't why that good-for-nothing chose to point at it.

I lifted the hem of my loose henley and unbuttoned my jeans to see better. It wasn't much but either I got fat or...

No.

No, no, NO! Impossible, he-!

The memory of cleaning myself up the morning after flashed in my mind. Even if- he's- he couldn't. I couldn't be pregnant.

I stood in the bathroom, double and triple checked, sucked my belly in. The pudge was still there. But I can't be pregnant.

My mind raced thinking about how hard it must have been for my mother to raise a child alone. And what would Charlie say? I couldn't tell him. If Carlisle were here I'd go to him, because how? Why? It's only been a couple weeks, why-

I could stand here forever and I still wouldn't know for sure. I have to get a test. I buttoned my pants back up at the sound of the door being opened and marched out, like I had just finished.

What do I do, what do I do? I thought as I made my way back. The bell rang by the time I reached the cafeteria. Lauren and Jessica were already gone but Angela was there with my bag.

"You okay?" Angela asked. Ever so the sweet one.

"Yeah, I just needed something from my truck." I lied.

"I told her she was wrong to say such a thing," She said. Do I have enough money? I thought, taking my bag with my wallet from her.

"Well, you know. It's Lauren. She isn't important, so why would her words be?"

I chewed on my lip and shook my leg through my next two classes. I could have cut the second to last class- maybe Charlie wouldn't get called- but everyone knows everyone here. What if someone told Charlie? I might be paranoid but I was rightfully paranoid. People liked to gossip.

I waited as patiently as I could for class to end. As soon as that bell rang, I was out of there and rushing to my car. As I pulled out, I saw Mike running to where I was parked.

My mind was really silent as I drove to the nearest store. The bell on the door scared me. I walked in quickly but stopped at the snacks, pretended to peruse, because I realized I couldn't just buy a test. I don't know if the cashier knows me or not, I can't chance it. Nobody can know. Why am I so big already? It's been 4 weeks max!

I moved on to the next aisle and grabbed a candy bar, scanning the ceiling. There's got to be cameras here, all places have them. I couldn't see any but- is it dumb to worry about the cameras here? I don't know. I moved on to the next aisle and grabbed something else.

I moved like this until I reached the aisle where the tests were. I definitely can't buy this. I nearly squeezed the air out of the chip bag. Stress twisted my stomach. I closed my eyes and tried to calm the desperation inside me.

I looked around and above me before quietly moving my bag in front me and sneaking it inside. I moved to the register, pretending to fish out my wallet from inside. At least I'm buying everything else...

"Bella!" The cashier greeted immediately as I walked up. I froze for a sec.

"I wasn't sure if that was you when you came in, good to see you!"

"Hi. Nice to see you too."

"Oh, you don't have to say that, we haven't met yet. I'm Austin's mom,"

"Oh, really?" Great.

"Nice to meet you." I said, putting the items on the counter.

"Nice to meet you. Austin says nothing but nice things about you. You gave us a real scare when you went missing. My husband went on his behalf to help, you know. We small-towner's should help each other-" Please stop talking.

"-whenever we're in need. It was amazing how so many went to help." Stop talking. I rummaged through my wallet for the money.

"Gave us a real scare-"

"Yeah. Took a wrong turn there," I sat the money down as she laughed.

"Austin was right, you are funny!" She took the money and opened the till. "Here you go honey," She said, putting the money and bag in my hands.

"You take care of yourself,"

"You too," I said. I tried to smile and walked out. I was surprised she didn't send me off with "Don't go into the forest anymore you hear?" Maybe I left too soon.