Sorry about all the time jumps. There wasn't anything I wanted to add in between. If there's something you'd like to see, let me know. It's not to pander, I will always write what I want, but it can't hurt to let a writer know what you like to see, right? I very clearly take writing seriously; I try to write good quality fics, but I'm also looking to be even better. Thanks again for your time.

A year later.

I really wish Renesmee could go to school with all the other kids. Have memories of having friends, playing at recess and just going to school at that age. But at the rate she grew, it would be too odd. It's slowed a bit but not enough. The only thing I could do was drive out to a faraway town just so she could play on the playground once in a while. Her skin didn't glitter much, just glowed like moonlight. Too pale but I don't think others would see it as terribly weird. Everyone did look, however. She was noticeably beautiful, just like the Cullens. That's why it was always a different playground each time.

"I wish I was a wolf. That way I'd stay young and could protect her forever." I said one night. We were sitting in front of a bonfire by the beach while Renesmee was off catching lightning bugs.

"I'll protect her in the future," Jacob promised.

"But I want to do that myself." I said. Jacob looked at me in pity. I leaned on him and scootched closer to borrow his warmth.

Our relationship wasn't much different after I understood how it changed. I worried I'd be seen as an outsider by him. Unimportant. I felt disgusted that I could use someone's love to protect myself. I hated it could be necessary in some situations. It was in mine. It was what kept me alive all this time, and even saved me from my depression. But Jacob still saw me as family. We were still friends. And as Renesmee's mother, I was important to protect.

As someone without any family, I kind of wanted him to be mine. Someone who'd never leave. I've been completely abandoned by the family I could've had. That's why it broke me when the Cullens left. How could anyone pass up forever with people you loved? I would miss Renee and Charlie greatly when their human lifespans expired but...I loved the Cullens just as much. Edward was my heart and soul.

That vampires were real, and Carlisle saved him out of everyone, worked at that hospital and met his mother- that the big bang happened and created life-I was extremely lucky. And so quickly, all of that was gone. I wasn't prepared. I'd give up everything human and accept any suffering for forever. I would happily die to have forever with Renesmee.

Renesmee was as a big as a five year old a year later. She was tall though, so she looked older, especially with that serious face of hers and how she carried herself. I never said I'd let the elders watch her for fourteen years. I said we'd stay 'til she looked like she was at puberty. Which means we'd be able to leave at around 4 years at the earliest. Or three, I'm not sure. Her measurements were too confusing. So was matching her development and milestones to that of a human child. I could only guess at her age. Her tallness confused it more.

Though we celebrated her first birthday earlier, I've practically decided to celebrate it once a year, to avoid confusing her. She already noticed she was different. But I took countless pictures and made an album. I didn't have the memory of a vampire, but the book could keep the memories for me, and I could revisit them any time. Refresh my memory that way. Maybe I'll get buried with it.

I hoped and practically prayed Renesmee didn't realize she could die soon. I couldn't imagine the look on her face when she realized it. I didn't want to see it.

Please, please just let her be a kid. You've already ruined my life, I thought to the sky. Don't be a cruel monster. Let my baby live.

2 years later...

I was washing dishes while thinking about how I'd start looking for a new place to settle in. It was nearly time. I was pretty excited for Renesmee to no longer have to have the elders having over her head. She's the suffer in silent type. I really wish she didn't get that from me or Edward, but...she noticed what kind of situation we were. 'because of her'. She's a smart cookie...

"It's not because of you Renesmee. You're a good person. Even they know that." I said. Or at least they knew she was just a kid, like any other.

"It's because I'm a vampire." She said hatefully. "Why? Why am I different?" I knew I didn't have to correct her. It's just the differences between her, her life, and others were so great.

"Honey...I've already explained why. Your father was a full vampire. The elders are a bit conservative but not really because they're bad. They just never met good vampires before. Only their ancestors did. And they never met the Cullens either. So, we have to start over with the new generation."

"Is it because of them? They got treated bad too, right? Why were they vampires?" Her brows furrowed as she tried to use her words. I told her to use them most of the time to communicate. I didn't want anyone to know she had a gift; the elders still hadn't found out, but mostly because of the Volturi. Edward explained them to me that fateful night.

I really thought he was preparing for a future with me. Why else would he tell me that?

I stopped what I was doing and crouched to her level. When Renesmee finally asked where she came from, I didn't make up a story. What could I say that would explain her existence, her...'condition'? And I wasn't going to lie Edward just left us. I will never lie to her. 'We broke up and later I found out I was pregnant. I didn't have a way to tell him.' I said.

"Your grandfather, Carlisle, saved them all. It's...hard to tell if it was a good decision, if he had the right to change someone's fate, but he had a lot of love to give. He had his wife Esme, Edward and his two siblings by then, so...he couldn't bear good people with unfortunate endings to just...end, like that." I explained.

I held her face in her hands, tearing up. It always hurt to talk about them. Being caught between them and her, between Edward and her. I didn't blame them for the difficulties I faced with Renesmee. And I didn't want her either. But she never knew them before.

"There's nothing wrong with you. I would never change you, meeting your other family or having you. I think I'm the luckiest person in the world despite everything else. It's a little hard to understand, but I love you. I loved them. Everything is worth it." I gripped her small hands in mine.

"I'm sorry it's difficult. But you know I came here, to Jacob, because I needed help, and I knew he would help me. This is just how it is. The trick to everything is to make the best of it and enjoy as many parts of it as possible. It's worth knowing Jacob, isn't it? To jump so high, you could catch snowflakes from the clouds and keep them whole? Run as fast as Jacob, ride his back?

So many people can't have this. So many would want this and trade it for these troubles we have. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? It's hard, but people have it hard too. All I can tell you is 'I'm sorry'."

"I'm sorry I made you cry!" She said through her tears. I pulled her into hug- I didn't want to ever depend on her, and I never outwardly did. But her presence was certainly a comfort to me- and brushed her hair.

"You didn't. It's okay."

"When are they coming back?" She said. I had to bite back a sob.

"I don't know."

In that moment, I wondered if I should explain to her that the Cullens moved around whenever people started noticing they weren't aging. That one day they actually would return to Forks, because of its constant cover of clouds. At some point. I hadn't yet. But maybe I should. Maybe that's what I should've said. Instead I told her they went off to do something. I did my best.

"Alice still sends help." I told her. "The elders are just something they can't help us with. They too have to respect their rules. This is their land." Jacob's told me of how much they've suffered in the past because of vampires. It was the story of how werewolves came to be. But the story was too gory for her in my opinion; the Quileutes suffered greatly because of vampires in the past. Should I tell her and just leave it up to her to mull over? I'm not sure.

Alice's support never stopped, and I did keep trying to contact her. Here and there. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I should. What would I say? 'Hey, I was pregnant. Meet your niece?'. I sigh and shake my head.

The phone starts ringing, and I dry my hands with the dish towel to answer it.

So sorry if it's a bit confusing- and again the moment you and I've all been waiting for gets pushed back- but she's remembering this conversation while washing dishes. She was doing something else when Renesmee walks up to her to get answers. I also try to keep these ANs to a minimum. I know no one likes them. But how else do I tell you this?