Title: Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Author: Kimberly21570
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia and Natalia
Disclaimers and Other Assorted Ramblings: The characters of Olivia and Emma Spencer, Natalia and Rafe Rivera, and Gus Aitoro are owned by Guiding Light, CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble. No copyright infringement intended with regard to GL, CBS/TeleNext, Proctor & Gamble, or any other entity. Written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply.
Chapter 8 consists of 9 updates, most of which will be presented in smaller segments than what you're generally accustomed to receiving. I find this to be the most prudent presentation because, while there is an overarching theme, each major segment has its own specific purpose. The segments will be posted weekly over the course of several weeks, which will allow me to continue providing you all with regular updates through the end of my semester. I will endeavor to post on the same day each week. Dialogue in this chapter is original, with the exception of the 6.15.2009 confrontation between Natalia and Rafe. Some of the dialogue from this scene has been altered to suit areas where this story has diverted from canon.
Rating: Chapter 8.7 is rated PG.
Regards—
Kimberly
Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Copyright May, 2009
"Hypocrisy, the lie, is the true sister of evil, intolerance, and cruelty."
Raisa M. Gorbachev
Chapter 8.7 – Confessions and Confrontations | Hell—Party of Two:
Sunday Afternoon—County Correctional Facility…
Sunday morning, after early Mass, Natalia hurried home to finish preparing some of Rafe's favorite dishes. Food day at the prison was a favorite of hers—if there could actually be such a thing as a favorite in a prison—because she was allowed to spend more time with her son and spoil him just a little. Today was particularly important to her, as she planned to tell Rafe about her relationship with Olivia. She wasn't expecting the miracle of total acceptance—she knew he would have questions and concerns; and understandably so. But she prayed that another opportunity to see her and Olivia together, to be a part of a family unit with the two of them and Emma, even if only for a few hours, would open the eyes of his heart so that he could see how truly wonderful Olivia was, and how perfectly they fit together.
Upon their arrival at the facility, Emma had to be reminded that she wasn't allowed to hug Rafe. Again, she declared such a rule, "stupid." Everyone laughed, and they settled in together. Emma and Rafe raved about how amazing everything smelled, and Natalia wore a look of satisfaction.
As Natalia dished up plates of food for everyone, Olivia poured drinks—milk for Emma, specially-brewed iced tea for Rafe, and coffee for herself and Natalia.
Emma declared that she was "starving," and couldn't wait to share lunch with her "whole family," and Rafe wholeheartedly agreed.
Olivia cast a furtive glance at Natalia then, as she set their coffee mugs on the table, and Natalia couldn't have hidden the joyous twinkle in her eyes if she had tried.
As Olivia and Natalia shared their tacit conversation, Emma was chattering excitedly about their planned trip to Martha's Vineyard. "Mommy and I are gonna take Natalia to the beach for Spring Break," she reported, "and we're gonna get to play in the sand, and watch the big waves come in, and…"
"Wait, wait, wait… I, uh, I thought you guys had a trip planned to D.C.," Rafe interrupted, waving his finger back and forth between Olivia and Emma. He looked a little confused, but otherwise, just curious.
"Plans changed." Olivia shrugged, as if to say it was "no big deal."
"And Ma, I thought you said you were staying home." It sounded like a question.
"Well, I was," Natalia confirmed, setting plates down in front of Emma and Rafe. She received an enthusiastic "thank you" from each of them, as she continued, "But when I mentioned never having gone to the beach, Olivia suggested that we all go to Martha's Vineyard for Spring Break."
"Martha's Vineyard?" Rafe questioned. His eyebrows crawled up his forehead like caterpillars. "Sounds snooty." His nose wrinkled.
Olivia laughed at the observation. "It can be, a little bit—if you're so inclined," she granted. "Not everyone is, though."
"Olivia has friends who own a cottage there, and we're gonna spend a few days with them," Natalia reported, setting a plate down in front of Olivia. She received a quiet, "Thank you, Honey," from Olivia, and a light blush colored her cheeks in response. Neither the endearment nor Natalia's unspoken response, were lost on Rafe—he just didn't know what to do with them yet. He eyed them curiously now.
"I talked with them on the phone the other day, and they don't seem that way at all," Natalia was saying, aware of Rafe's inquisitive gaze.
"They're not," Olivia smiled, her eyes meeting the sparkle in Natalia's gaze. "They're wealthy, but there's not a pretentious bone in either of their bodies."
"No, they just seem like two women who love each other, and who adore their little girls," Natalia said, nonchalantly. She hoped the ease with which she shared the information would help Rafe be more accepting of the impending conversation.
Rafe couldn't help but notice the exchange of glances between Olivia and his mother. It made him uncomfortable; but he still couldn't exactly put a finger on why.
"I wanted to go to San Cristobel—that's the island where Mommy grew up," Emma piped in. "But Mommy said it's too far to go for just a week." Her lips produced a fleeting pout.
"How far is it, Munchkin?" Rafe asked. Anything to buy him some time—something was very different, and he needed to figure it out.
"I don't know," Emma shrugged, "but I guess it's a really long plane ride."
Olivia smiled at their exchange, but didn't offer a response.
"But she said we can go there for a family vacation when you get out of here!" Emma sounded so excited by the prospect that Rafe couldn't help but smile.
"She did?" Rafe sounded surprised.
"Uh-huh," Emma nodded enthusiastically. "Mommy said we can probably even stay a whole month! And Ava can come too, so our whole family will be there."
"A whole month, huh?" Rafe grinned, and cast a glance toward Olivia and his mother, who were smiling equally as brightly as Emma. "Wow, that's a long time to spend on a tropical island."
"I guess so," Emma sort of agreed, "but Mommy said we can do lots of fun family stuff there."
"Lots of family stuff, huh?" Rafe parroted. He wasn't exactly certain how to react to the repeated use of the word "family," but he knew it was significant.
"Yeah," Emma nodded excitedly. "I can't wait for you to come home, Rafe." She sounded almost wistful. They had to remind her again not to touch him; which sent her into a pout.
After fixing her own plate, Natalia finally sat down on the bench next to Olivia. "Shall we say grace?" she said, offering her right and left hands to Olivia and Rafe, respectively. It was neither question nor suggestion.
And then she remembered the rules, and glanced over her shoulder at the stalwart guard in the blue-gray uniform who stood at attention near the doorway. "Just while we say grace?" The request was evident in her tone, and he silently nodded his consent.
Noting the guard's approval, Rafe took his mother's hand and Emma's, as Olivia's hands melded with Natalia's and Emma's, forming a perfect circle. It wasn't lost on him, how his mother's fingers seemed to instinctively intertwine with Olivia's, rather than simply clasping together like they did with everyone else. The inherent intimacy of the gesture made his heart beat a bit erratically. Something was very, very different here, and he wasn't so certain he liked it.
Natalia issued forth a quiet prayer of thanksgiving for their family and the time they were allowed to share together. Then she asked God's blessings upon their food, and that He would keep them all healthy and safe, and bring Rafe home to them soon. The prayer ended with a communal "Amen," before they all dug into the plates that Natalia had served them. And then there was a another communal utterance—this one in praise of Natalia's cooking.
"We went cosmic bowling last night," Emma was saying, as she chomped on a bite of a beef flauta that was topped with shredded lettuce, queso fresco, sour cream, tomatoes, and salsa.
"Oh, yeah?" Rafe replied. "Ma used to take me cosmic bowling, too." He smiled at the memory.
"Mmm… these are yummy, Natalia," Emma grinned, after she swallowed the mouthful of food.
"Glad you like them, Baby," Natalia said, sweetly.
"Did you like all the funky music and laser lights?" Rafe asked, referring to their evening at the bowling alley.
"Yeah, it was really cool," Emma said, clearly enthused. "And it was fun hanging out with Dylan and Jacob."
Rafe grinned. "Who are Dylan and Jacob?" There was a teasing tone to his voice.
"They're my friends," Emma reported. "I go to school with them, and we play together at the Beacon sometimes, until their mommies get off of work."
"Their moms, Jen and Tracy, are friends of ours from the Beacon," Natalia explained. "We had dinner with them and went bowling last night."
"Yeah, I even got to go play at their house yesterday," Emma beamed.
"Whose house?" Rafe asked, suspicion rising.
"Dylan and Jacob's, Silly!" Emma exclaimed. "You really need to pay attention, Rafe." She rolled her eyes dramatically.
"Dylan and Jacob live together?" Rafe said, around a mouthful of food. That earned him a scowl from his mother.
"Of course they do, they're brothers!" Emma huffed.
"And they have two moms?" He was a bit slow on the uptake, but he was piecing things together.
"Yup," Emma confirmed, with a firm nodding of her head. She reached for her glass of milk, taking a long drink.
"You mean, like a mom, and a step-mom?" Rafe gulped. "Their parents are divorced, and their dad remarried?" Any scenario other than the one floating through his head right now, would do.
Emma crinkled her nose. "No," she corrected, "I mean like they have two mommies who love each other."
Rafe studied Natalia carefully for a moment. "What's going on here, Ma?" His tone was accusatory.
Natalia looked up from her plate, as she swallowed the bite of food in her mouth. "What do you mean?"
"I dunno, I'm just gettin' this weird sorta vibe, like somethin's up that I don't know about…" Rafe mumbled. "I mean, the two of you are actin' all… I don't even know…" He sounded taxed. "And all of a sudden you're talkin' about being friends with women who are mommies together. It's just weird, Ma. You never had friends like that before…"
"Two mommies aren't weird," Emma disputed. "Mommy and Natalia are my two mommies, and they aren't weird at all."
Olivia's mouth dropped open, as Rafe's fuzzy eyebrow arched. "What do you mean Olivia and my Ma are your two mommies?"
"They take care of me together, and they help each other out," Emma said, innocently. "I even wrote a paper about our family for school," she beamed. "And I did a presentation for family day. You know, that day Mommy and Natalia had to come see you because you were sick?"
"Yeah, I remember that day," Rafe said, almost begrudgingly.
Natalia stretched across the table reaching for Rafe's hand; then remembering the rule again, she quickly withdrew. "Rafe, I need you to listen to me, okay?" she gently requested. It was now or never.
Rafe eyed her warily, but nodded his assent.
"When your father died, all I could think about was keeping that one piece of him that I had left, alive. And the only way to do that, was to keep Olivia alive," she quietly shared. "That wasn't an easy task, by any means, because she was so grief-stricken over losing Gus, and guilt-ridden over having received his heart, that all she wanted to do, was die… But, I'm as stubborn as she is, and I refused to let her waste the gift that she had been given. And what began as battle of the wills, over a gift she swore she didn't want, ended with me, receiving a gift I never expected; never even knew I needed, until it was right there in front of me—wrapped in the heart of Olivia Spencer. I don't know when, or how, it happened, but I started out fighting with her, and ended up fighting for her… fighting to save her, not because of Gus's heart, but… because I needed her to live… for me…"
"What are you sayin' here, Ma?" Rafe barked. He already knew, but he needed this denial.
"I'm telling you that God sent me a gift, someone to love; but… that someone didn't arrive in any package I would have ever expected." Locking her gaze on Olivia's, she reached over, taking Olivia's hand, both for support, and to make a bold statement to her son. "She arrived in a willful, often insolent, woman who, for reasons completely beyond my comprehension, makes me feel more self-assured, more alive than I've ever felt in my life…" She paused for a moment, drawing in a deep breath; exhaling slowly. "And I'm thankful for her, Rafe," she whispered. "I thank God every single day, that Gus was a match for her."
"What, are you saying you're glad Gus is dead?" Rafe accused. "You're glad he's dead, just so she could live?" He sounded incredulous, and Natalia's eyes welled up with tears.
Olivia pulled her close, holding her. "That's not what she meant at all, Rafe," she said, gently.
"Olivia, I, I—I'm not talking to you right now, seriously," Rafe said, agitation in his voice, as he wagged his finger in her face.
"Don't talk to her like that!" Natalia snapped.
"Excuse me?" he said, incredulously.
"Have a little respect, please," Natalia demanded.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm supposed to respect my elders, right?" he said, caustically.
"Yes."
"And I'm-I'm-I'm supposed to mind my manners, and I'm supposed to go to church, and I'm supposed to read the Bible, and I'm supposed to do all those other rules and regulations that God and people have given us, right?"
Rafe's rising agitation frightened Emma, and she moved around the table, burrowing between her two mommies, and under Natalia's arm.
"What is wrong with you?" Natalia demanded.
"Ma! What the hell is going on here? Tell me, all right? Please. Just tell me," he demanded, glaring at Olivia with venom in his eyes.
Natalia glanced down at Emma, noting the quivering lip and tear-stained eyes. She gently brushed her hand over her daughter's hair, and sighed; drawing the little girl's gaze up to meet her own. "Em, why don't you and your Mommy go grab a snack from the machine," she suggested. She caught Olivia's gaze over Emma's head. "It's out in the other room."
Olivia nodded her agreement. "That sounds like a good idea," she said. "Come on, Jellybean," she said, trying to sound as light and cheery as possible.
"But we have all this food—" Emma was protesting, as Olivia escorted her from the room.
Once Olivia and Emma were out of earshot, Rafe sighed disgustedly. "Ma, please. Please just tell me she forced you into this. I mean, I know she has a reputation. Tell me she-she did something to you, she has something on you."
"Oh, stop it, Rafe," Natalia demanded. Clearly, she was annoyed with him. "Of course she didn't force me into anything."
"Oh, no?" Rafe challenged. "Then what's in it for her? Huh? That woman's a viper, Ma. She never does anything without an angle, so there must be something she wants from you."
"She doesn't want anything from me, Rafe," Natalia insisted. "She never takes anything from me. All she does is give."
"Oh, right," Rafe snapped. "That's why you've been taking care of her all these months. That's why she has Gus's heart." His voice was cold and hard; almost unrecognizable. "Because she never takes anything from you!" he said, caustically.
"She didn't take those things, Rafe," Natalia argued. "I gave them to her, because I knew it was what Gus would've wanted—he would've wanted me to take care of her. And somewhere deep inside, I knew it was all a part of God's plan."
"Oh, yeah? And was it part of God's plan for her to take Gus's house, and-and-and… your wedding rings? Your wedding rings, Ma! Did Gus want you to give her those things, too?" He spat.
"She gave them back, Rafe," Natalia defended. "When she realized what she was doing, and why, she did the right thing. She gave them back."
"Gus is dead because of her!" Rafe accused.
"That's not true," Natalia said, icily.
"He was on that road that night because of her!" he snapped.
"Only because I sent him," Natalia admitted. "She was dying, Rafe, and she needed him more than I did that night."
"What does this say about you and Gus? Ma, what does it say about me?" He was clearly confused, and in pain. She wanted to reach out to him, but knew she couldn't.
"It has nothing to do with how I feel about you, or about Gus," Natalia insisted. "If anything—"
"Ma, please, just stop. Just tell me, tell me this is some type of weird itch you need to scratch. Please?" Rafe begged. "Tell me that's all it is and it-it-it's gonna be over soon."
"I can't tell you that," Natalia said.
"Why?" Rafe whined.
He looked like a lost little boy, begging his mommy to tell him his injured puppy would live, when they both knew it was already too far gone. Natalia had to remind herself that he was a grown man. "I can't—if you're old enough to ask the question, then you're old enough to hear the answer," she said, determinedly. "I'm in love with Olivia."
Rafe laughed, but there was no humor in it. He wanted to run, but there was nowhere he could go. He was trapped there, in the prison of his own poor choices, and there was no escape.
"Ma, I don't believe it," Rafe said, insistently. "All right? I won't believe—I, I refuse to believe this. All right, can—please, can you just tell me what she has on you?"
"Oh, come on, Rafe," Natalia sighed.
"What has she got on you, Ma?" he demanded. "You don't love her!"
"I do," Natalia insisted.
"You don't! No! Not that way, Ma!" he yelled.
The guard jumped up at the sound of Rafe's voice; but Natalia warded him off with the raising of one hand. "It's okay," she said, calmly. "He's just upset."
Willfully calming down, lest he face solitary confinement, Rafe crossed his hands over his chest then, saying, "Look, she has Gus's heart, I get that, all right? And, and you guys, you guys have that in common, and you got confused, one thing led to another, and she took advantage of you." He was grasping for any logical explanation he could find.
"Ugh! She didn't take advantage of me, Rafe, please!" Natalia barked. "Olivia's got a strong personality, but that's what I love about her. She makes me feel better about myself, and when I'm with her, it feels right. And I need her."
"Ma—," he sighed, frustrated. "Maybe you did," he conceded. "Maybe you did because Gus passed away, and I'm stuck in prison, but I'll be out of here, someday soon, hopefully, and I can take care of you just fine. You can end all this stuff before it gets any weirder, please!"
"It's not weird, Rafe," Natalia rebuked. "It's love. And I don't want to end it. I want us to be a family, and I understand that's a lot to take in right now. But as soon as you can get over this anger and your confusion…"
"Ma, you want us to be a family?" Clearly, he was incensed. "Who? What, me and you, an-and Olivia and Emma?"
"Yes."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes!" Natalia insisted. "You love Emma, and she loves you like you're her big brother, and that's what counts. That's what you hold onto."
"Is that why you brought her here?" Rafe accused. "To help you smooth things over with me? I can't believe you would even tell a little girl about something like this! It's sick, Ma."
"It's not sick, Rafe," Natalia said, curtly.
Rafe ignored her retort, and continued on his rant. "What, did you think you could bring that sweet little girl here to charm me into believing the four of us can be a happy little family?"
"It's not like that, Rafe." Natalia's retort fell on deaf ears.
"You think you can stuff me full of all my favorite foods and that'll make everything all right— like I'm supposed to swallow your hypocrisy along with the pastellas?"
He stood from the table, and began to pace; the guard watching his every move. "What about all the years that we spent in Church? Huh? What about all the time that we spent lighting candles?"
Natalia stood, too; her eyes tracking him. She wished more than anything she could just touch him. Maybe that would calm him down.
"What about all the time I spent on my knees—praying? Huh? What about the man that I'm supposed to be, and-and the world that I'm supposed to believe in?" With every question he flung at her, his anger raged hotter.
Natalia was thankful the guard hadn't grabbed him. She attributed that to the fact that she had been praying ardently, the entire time he was ranting.
"None of that means nothing to you! At all! All you care about is you and Olivia, and what you guys get, right?" he accused. "If that's the case, then both of you can go, both of you can just go to hell, all right, because that's where you're gonna go anyway."
"Rafe—" She stepped closer to him.
"No!" He held up his hand, as if to ward her off.
"Please—"
"Ma, y'know what? Go! Go get your girl! All right, 'cause you guys deserve each other," he snapped, turning away from her. "Bye."
"Rafe—"
"No, you need to go, because I can't stand to look at you right now," he harangued. "Bye!"
"Rafe!" Natalia screamed. "Don't you walk away from me!"
Ignoring his mother once again, he slammed the steel door that locked him away from her and this world that made no sense to him—a world that was the antithesis of everything he had ever been taught by her in his entire life; leaving her standing there with tears streaming down her face.
Even from the other room Olivia and Emma could hear the rage in Rafe's voice as he argued with Natalia. Emma glanced up at Olivia with fear and confusion in her blue-green eyes. "Why is Rafe so angry, Mommy?" Her little voice trembled a bit. "I never heard him yell before."
Approaching the question cautiously, Olivia asked, "Remember that talk we had the other night, about how some people's churches think that it's wrong for two mommies to love one another?"
"Yeah," Emma answered, nodding her head. She still thought that was dumb.
"Well, Rafe grew up in that kind of church, Baby, and right now, I just think he's confused, and maybe a little scared," Olivia explained.
Emma furrowed her brow, indicating she was thinking. "But there's nothing to be scared of," she reasoned.
"I know," Olivia agreed, "but he doesn't know that yet. I just think it'll take him a little time to understand things the way you do."
That made Emma feel like a big girl. "I can help him," she said resolutely, drawing a smile from Olivia.
"I think that would be great, Jellybean," Olivia beamed. She was extraordinarily proud of her little girl. "Now, would you like something from the snack machine?"
"No, thanks," Emma replied, cheerily. She rubbed her belly animatedly. "My tummy is still full from all the yummy stuff Natalia made for Rafe."
"Mine, too," Olivia agreed with a grin. "Wanna just hang out in here and talk until Rafe is finished being angry?"
Her suggestion was met with an enthusiastic nod. "Yeah, I don't like angry Rafe," Emma said. "I like it better when he hugs me and plays with me. I hope he gets happy again soon."
"I do too, Baby," Olivia sighed. She closed her eyes then, and hope uncharacteristically turned to prayer, as she asked God to give Rafe the ability to understand, and Natalia the strength to endure until understanding came.
Olivia heard the slamming of the steel door—the sound echoed through the concrete hallways with a resounding sense of finality, and instinctively, her feet were propelling her toward Natalia. Emma followed closely behind, and watched as a crying Natalia literally fell into her mother's arms. Olivia held her close, gently caressing her back, soothing her with comforting whispers—sincere promises that everything would be all right, until the sobbing and tremors finally ceased. And then they sat down together, and Emma crawled into Natalia's lap, hugging her, as silently, Olivia packed up the leftover food. They had both known better than to expect an initial positive reaction from Rafe, but nothing had prepared either one of them for this. Olivia wondered how to make things right.
As they left the facility, Olivia had carried the canvas bag with their leftover food in her left hand, while her right arm was securely planted around Natalia's waist; Natalia's tearstained face buried against Olivia's chest. She settled Natalia in the front seat, buckling her seatbelt for her, as Emma climbed into the center of the back seat, settling herself in. Watching her mother take care of Natalia only fortified Emma's belief that Rafe couldn't be more wrong—her two mommies weren't weird, they were exactly the way they were supposed to be—except that they should be happy, not sad because he was angry.
Pulling out of the prison parking lot onto the service road, Olivia reached over, taking Natalia's hand into her own. It was the reassurance Natalia needed. The car ride home was swathed in silence, as Natalia's fingers clung to Olivia's hand; Olivia offering more reassuring squeezes, as she drove toward their farmhouse. And the entire trip Olivia's thoughts never veered far from one question: What could she do to make this family whole?
TBC… in Chapter 8.8: This is Not a Confession...