The Full Extent of the Law
Some guy in what looked like Japanese armor and a weird, pointy straw hat was standing out in the parking lot yelling for somebody to come talk to him about "what happened". When none of the officers came out of their building, he slammed something really bright on the ground and screamed like something had just bit his nipples off. After that he dropped to his knees and pulled his hat down in front of his face, revealing a bluish-gray ponytail.You can just call me Rook. I'm the noobiest of the noobs here at the LAPD. And I've messed up quite a bit even since I started. I need a way to prove myself. Maybe this guy will transform into an opportunity for me to do that. I walked out into the parking lot.
"Sir, can I help you?"
"You're god damn right you can." He said. Then he just sat there, face still buried in his hat out of frustration.
"Do you need me to get you a membership at a tanning salon?" I asked; the guy was pale as hell from what I could see. He yanked the hat from his face and I about pissed myself when I saw his eyes. They flashed even more red before going back to solid red as he told me, "You assholes put a bunch of tape around my home. When I tried to take it off, some guy started yelling at me. He told me to go to this station if I have a problem with the tape. And I have a fucking problem."
"Well your house has been declared a crime scene," I said matter-of-factly.
"Have you seen how big my house is? Do you know who I am? My house is so big, there's no need to close off all of it! It's a god damn tower!"
"That new tower out in The Hills?"
"Yes."
"There's no way you own the Sky Temple," I told him. I almost pissed myself again when he stood up. I'm not a super-imposing guy. I'm only 5'8". This dude has to be at least seven feet tall. He extended one arm with an open palm at the end and sent me flying back into one of the cruisers.
"AUGH! Owww SHIT! What the hell is the matter with you?" I rubbed at my back, which I'm convinced is broken. However, I found myself starting to get up. He was assaulting a police officer! I drew my nightstick and ran at him, swinging it straight at his head. Police brutality was drawn all over it, but I didn't care right then. He stuck his arm up and blocked the shot, and I swung again...and again..andagainandagainandagain. Somehow he was blocking everything without even having to move anything but his arms. This time, after I tired out, he extended a foot to knock me back . I didn't go far, merely landed flat on my back.
My head rolled left and right as I tried to regain some at least temporary breathing function. Said head wasn't working good, I reached for my cuffs when I saw he had his arms straight down in front of him in a martial arts pose, which would explain the ass-kicking I was getting. When I think about it now, it surprises me what happened next. His head merely drew down slowly and he watched as I put the hand cuffs on him.
"Come with me," I panted.
I guided him back into the station with one hand around his forearm and my other hand rubbing the various injured places on myself. The officer at the desk was almost hysterical at seeing me.
"Rook! That freak show kick your ass?" He laughed.
"Yes he did, and now he's under arrest," I tried sounding like a badass. Tried.
"Your dumb ass couldn't arrest an old lady the right way. Did you even read this dude his rights?" My head twisted and looked back at him in exasperation. His weird red eyes stared straight at me. I think. If I haven't made this clear enough, they're an opaque red and nothing else. I don't know how he can see.
"You even weirder than he is, man. Quit holdin' his hand," I twisted back at the desk to make that same look of exasperation, my mouth open and my face twisted into a "what?" position. It was a good point. I let go of him.
"You have the right to remain silent. If you give up th—" this time when he kicked me I wasn't even conscious by the time I hit the ground.
"WHOA! Hey man, what the hell you doin!" The officer at the desk cried as the man jerked his arms apart and broke the cuffs.
"Oh Jesus, I look like Moloch..." He said quietly to himself, "Who's in charge here?" He asked loudly.
"He ain't here!" The guy slammed his fist into the desk and broke off a good portion of it after hearing this.
"Shit!" The officer cried
"Who. Is. In. Charge." His eyes began to glow brighter.
"How are you doin' that with your—"
"Who."
"The c—" speak of the devil, "Hey captain!"
"What the hell is going on here? Rook's out on the floor, the desk is broken, this guy broke some of our cuffs..." the captain looked at the suspect, "and what the fuck happened to your eyes?"
"I need to talk to you," the suspect stated before walking away, dragging the captain with him.
"Raggedy-ass mothafucka!" The officer at the desk whined after seeing the torn up cape the guy wore and re-inspecting the desk.
"Alright, pal. What the hell are you doing tearing up my station like this?"
"You've barred me out of my house, and I know why. But what I did wasn't wrong."
"We bar a lot of people outta their houses, bud."
"I live in the Sky Temple."
"You live in the Sky Temple?"
"Yes."
"You're Raiden?"
"Yes, I'm fucking Raiden!"
"Well there's trouble at home, sir. You know who killed Shujinko?"
"I killed Shujinko."
"You did what? Why? You can't just toast people and throw em off your roof to splash onto the street below. It scares away the tourists."
"I can do whatever the fuck I want. There was a valid reason for the altercation."
"You can justify this?"
"Yes. Listen, we started off in Outworld—"
"Kano's club?"
"...For the sake of simplicity...yes. I had taken Earth's greatest warriors to battle at Outworld."
"You dance?"
Raiden started to shake his head, stopped, and then said, "Of course."
"We'd gone there to face the Dragon King, because dumbass Shujinko had let him out. Everybody in that realm and others were on a path to being the slaves of Onaga!"
"Who's Onaga?"
"He's the Dragon King," Raiden repeated himself.
"Why do they call him that?"
"Because...he...dances so good...it looks like he's breathing fire?"
"Damn!"
"Yes. So since Shujinko had brought this plague upon us all, he felt guilty, as he should. He went and defeated Onaga after a long battle, during which he destroyed all the Kamidogu."
"What the fuck are Kamidogu?"
"Bling," Raiden said quickly.
"Oh."
"Well I was at home, resting, and Shujinko showed up. He came up and bothered me onthe top of my tower. You know there isn't an elevator in my house, right?"
"There's not?"
"No, just a shitload of stairs."
"Jesus."
"So he bothered to come all the way up there to ask for forgiveness. I told him he was an idiot for letting out the Dragon King, and he tried telling me that he fixed it. It doesn't matter. Earthrealm could've been destroyed, and it's my duty to make sure nobody fucks up that bad. He went over my head for the sole purpose of fucking things up, bad. We probably would've stopped Onaga without Shujinko anyways. Scorpion was appointed with that task, and he's crazy.
"Shujinko still insisted that he be left without punishment since he had 'righted his wrong'. So I electrified him and tossed him off the roof," Raiden sat back into his chair after saying this, previously he'd been leaning forward with his arms resting on the table. The captain was speechless for a good twenty seconds.
"You...know we're going to have to prosecute you for this."
"No you won't," Raiden said calmly.
"And, uh, why not?"
"Because I'm a fucking demi-god."
"A what?"
"Nevermind. I'm not from here. I have immunity."
"Where are you from, then?"
"Heaven," He said quietly.
"What?" The captain asked in an annoyed tone.
"Er, uh, Outer Heaven."
"Big Boss's place?"
"Yes."
"We have solid evidence, though. We've got your confession right—"
"No you don't."
"What room did you take me into?" The captain now looked around.
"The lounge, you idiot," Raiden said as the captain noticed the table they were sitting at was a poker table.
"So none of this got recorded?" He asked frantically.
"Not a word."
"God dammit..."
"Let me back into my house."
"You're a—"
"Nyeah, I'm a murderer!" Raiden mimicked in a whiny voice.
"You are!"
"I don't care, let me back into my house and go the fuck away," Raiden stood up and knocked over his chair after saying this.
"I can't just—" Raiden lifted the captain off the ground effortlessly with one arm. He'd grabbed him by his throat, by the way. Raiden's eyes started a glow onceagain and his grip tightened. For a second, the captain felt himself tense up and heat up, and then Raiden let go of him.
"Did you just taze me?" The captain spluttered after coughing for a minute.
"No. Move your boys away from my house."
"Ok, ok. By the time you get home they won't even be within a five block radius."
"Good."
Raiden walked into his home and went looking around his house. Everything seemed clean. Nobody had trashed the place, not inside. Shujinko had inadvertently fucked up the yard a little, but it wasn't his fault. Regardless, no policemen had messed with anything. The Thunder God went into his secret area on a floor that seemed not to have any rooms. What he saw shocked him. And it is hard to shock a Thunder God.
"My...My Goro action figure! All my action figures! Wait! Where is it? WHERE IS IT? No...not the blow-up doll of Kitana...no!...NOOO!"
"GOOD MORNING, L.A.! It's a nice 68 degrees out this morning and traffic is a pile of sh-t like usual. Be careful," a sound effect of a car wiping out, "the roads are still wet after last night's freak storm. The chief of police stated late last night that he's retiring because, and I quote, 'It's just f---ing hopeless'. Nice one, buddy! Governuh Ahnold had this to say, 'What a gurly man!'
"Now don't be worried folks, no tidal waves or hail hit last night. Although the storm did seem to centralize over a police station near The Hills. Lightning struck it close to a dozen times and wrecked the building after an explosion was set off from the final strike. Five police officers and a suspect they'd recently incarcerated were killed and many more were injured; a lot of them critically so. They have not released the names of those killed, or the names of the handful of police still not accounted for. One civilian in strange attire was seen running out of the building with a bag full of something before the storm started walloping the building. If anyone sees a guy running around in Japanese armor and a cape, along with a conical straw hat, help out and notify the authorities so they can run a background check on him."
The D.J. then played a tribute songto the lives lost, "Fuck tha Police".
A/N: Alright, I don't live in L.A. In fact, I don't live anywhere near L.A. and I never have. I took some liberties on the location of Raiden's home, where Shujinko's death took place, and probably on the set-up of L.A. If the rank I used to describe the captain doesn't fit, then I'm sorry. I tried researching it, but couldn't figure out who might run a station.
Furthermore, I hope you enjoyed this. And even if you didn't, you should still review and tell me how bad I messed up.