Title: Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Author: Kimberly21570
Fandoms: Guiding Light / All My Children
Pairings: Olivia and Natalia / Lena and Bianca
Disclaimer: The characters of Olivia and Emma Spencer, Natalia and Rafe Rivera, Frank Cooper, and Father Ray Santos are owned by CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble. The characters of Bianca Montgomery, Lena and Paulina Kundera, and Alexander Cambias, Sr. are owned by All My Children, ABC/Disney.
No copyright infringement intended with regard to Guiding Light, CBS/TeleNext, Proctor & Gamble, AMC, ABC/Disney, or any other entity. Dialogue, settings, and story content in these scenes are original. Written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply.
Thank you all, as always, for your continued interest in this story. I love hearing your thoughts, and promise to be back soon to respond personally to your comments. In the interim, please know that each and every one of you is appreciated.
I do apologize for the delay in posting. I had originally planned to include quite a bit more with this update in order to move the story further along. And to that end, I actually have much more content for this chapter finished. However, as many of you know, I don't tend to write in sequence—I write each scene as it comes to me, and piece them together later. That being the case, I've been working on the connecting pieces these past three weeks, and just haven't been able to finish as much as I would like. Anyway, given the lack of progress on those connecting pieces, and the fact that it has been three weeks since the last update, I decided to go ahead and post what I have completed. I hope you all enjoy!
Rating: Chapter 9.5 is rated PG-13, simply because of the content in some of the conversations.
Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Copyright May, 2009
"Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences."
Anonymous
"Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences."
Norman Cousins
Chapter 9.5 – When Past and Present Collide:
Friday, April 24, 2009… Martha's Vineyard—10:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Olivia and Lena worked side by side, first rinsing, and then stacking the dishes in the dishwasher. It was a monotonous job; one that could be accomplished without much conscious thought. And that allowed them to focus on matters of greater importance.
They chattered with the ease of women who knew one another well. And yet, even within the comfort of that familiarity, there was a keen awareness of difference, on both their parts. Each remained the shrewd business woman she had always been—take no prisoners, and certainly, no bullshit; and above all, never let the opponent see your weakness. But beneath the exteriors shown to the world, they were softer, more at ease within themselves, more open with those whom they loved. And somehow, they were even stronger for the vulnerability.
Olivia watched Lena intently, as she sluiced the excess water from Alexandria's little pink sippy cup. It had Disney's Snow White on it, and she thought Lena looked a tiny bit like the famous princess—minus the red bow in her short, dark hair. Ironically, Olivia thought, Lena looked younger than she had ten years prior—her skin glowed, there were laugh lines where worry lines had once dwelled, and the hardness that once veiled her innate beauty had given way to an essence of serenity. It was an essence that flowed not only through Lena's outward appearance, but through her entire being. "You're different," she thoughtfully observed.
It wasn't just Lena's appearance, or that particular moment that led her to this conclusion. Rather, it was a culmination of experiences. She had been noticing subtle, and not-so-subtle changes in Lena since they first reestablished contact two months prior, and coupled with the differences she had noticed as she observed Lena interacting with her wife and children throughout the evening, a stunning portrait of a new Lena had been painted, through defining layers of visuals and subtext, right before the hotelier's eyes. Lena had been transformed from an impressionistic Monet—a celebration of color, subdued by blurred lines and illusionistic luminance, to a work reminiscent of Michelangelo—the very embodiment of artisanal beauty conveyed through focused definition and intricate detail.
Completely oblivious to Olivia's internal assessment of her, Lena felt as if the comment had come out of nowhere. "What?" Setting the cup on the edge of the sink, she paused, peering up at Olivia.
"You heard me," Olivia replied. "You've changed. Even since the last time I saw you, you're different." Her tone was one of admiration, not criticism.
Lena was well aware of her transformation; but she was curious as to Olivia's perspective. "How so?" She busied herself, dropping all three of the girls' cups into the top rack of the dishwasher.
"Well, for one thing, you're doing dishes," Olivia lightheartedly teased.
Furrowing her brow, Lena eyed Olivia up and down. "I'm not alone in here, you know."
"True," Olivia conceded with a shrug. "But I didn't exactly come willingly, now did I?"
Lena smirked, and Olivia growled at her. "Thanks for that, by the way," Olivia groused.
"My pleasure," Lena said, smugly. She dropped a wine glass into the top rack. "A clean kitchen makes my wife happy," she revealed. "And when my wife it happy, I get rewarded. A lot." The grin on her face was priceless.
Olivia arched a mischievous eyebrow. "So… you do the dishes, to get laid."
Lena knew from Olivia's tone that she was teasing, so she played along. "Among other things…" She was purposely cryptic, just to drive the hotelier crazy.
Knowing full-well that she was playing right into Lena's hands, Olivia sought clarification. "You get other things for doing the dishes? Or… you do other things to get laid?"
Lena paused, holding a dripping plate in her hands. "Both—," she said, after a moment's thought. "What does doing the dishes earn you?"
"Clean dishes," Olivia said, dryly.
"Oh, ouch!" Lena laughed. She slid the plate into the row in the dishwasher.
Olivia grimaced. That was not a conversation she wanted to have—at least not at the moment. "You prayed before dinner," she pointed out, trying to sound nonchalant.
The change of subject wasn't lost on Lena, but she let it go. "Is that so surprising?"
"Frankly, yes." Olivia sounded a bit bewildered. "And from the way it sounded, it's a frequent occurrence."
"Well, I haven't become some sort of religious fanatic, if that's what you mean," she teased. "But… I have found spirituality, and a sense of inner peace," she shared.
"Did that peace come from Bianca?" Olivia asked, curious. She handed another newly rinsed plate to Lena, who placed it in the dishwasher—a pattern that would continue throughout their conversation.
"Some of it came through her love and acceptance," Lena admitted.
"And where did the rest come from?"
"You sure ask a lot of questions," Lena deflected, humor in her tone.
"Kill me, I'm curious," Olivia said, drolly.
Lena smiled at her. "Mostly, it came from the satisfaction of rectifying my past mistakes, and realizing that God didn't hate me for the things that I had done." The expression on Olivia's face begged explanation, and Lena complied. "Bianca met a minister here on the Vineyard when she was recovering, and we ended up becoming friends with her," she began.
"The minister who performed your wedding ceremony?"
"Yes, that's her," Lena confirmed. "When we returned from our honeymoon, we decided to go to her Sunday service. It was a chance to thank her again for everything she had done for us. We didn't expect to end up liking it there, but we really did. So we decided to start attending regularly when we were here at the cottage."
Resting her palms on the edge of the sink, Lena paused for a moment, formulating her thoughts. "Over time, I realized that it was religion that I hated, not God. Finding a sense of spirituality, and belief in something greater than myself, gave me this inner peace that I had never felt before. Bianca felt it too, and we wanted to pass that on to our children. And to do that, we realized that it wasn't enough just to attend half the year. Jordan needed a little more consistency than that, you know? We didn't want her to grow up thinking that God was just for summertime and vacations. So we asked our minister for some guidance, and she helped us find a gay-affirmative church near Pine Valley. And from there, well… it just sort of became a natural part of our lives," she said, reflectively.
"What do you mean by a 'gay-affirmative church'?" The words sounded strange on Olivia's tongue.
"They're churches where lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered people know they'll be welcomed, and they won't be condemned for their sexual orientation or gender identity," Lena patiently tutored. She knew better than to use acronyms with Olivia at this point. It would only serve to detract from the value of the conversation. Besides, that level of familiarity would come soon enough, she reasoned. "And more importantly, they won't be condemned for their decision to be sexually intimate with the person they love."
"There are really churches like that?" Olivia's tone was an amalgam of skepticism and hope.
Lena eyed her carefully. "Why the sudden interest in church?" She knew Olivia's disdain for religion—it was something they had shared, once upon a time.
"Hey, I'm not a complete stranger to church!" Olivia protested.
A decisive smirk fell across Lena's lips. "Staying in bed, shouting 'Oh, God!' all Sunday morning, does not count as going to church, Spencer," she said, facetiously.
Olivia made a face at her, and Lena laughed.
"I know it may be hard to believe, but my interest here isn't self-serving. It's about Natalia," Olivia confessed. Her tone was quieter now. "Her church doesn't condemn her for loving me, but… it's been made clear to her that acting on her feelings is unforgivable. She isn't even welcome to receive Holy Communion anymore." Olivia sounded sad. "She doesn't talk about it, but I know it really hurts her."
"I'm so sorry, Olivia. That can't be easy on either one of you," Lena said, empathically. She reached over, squeezing the hotelier's hand. "Not all churches are like that, though." She tried to offer hope. "Like I said, there are some, like ours, where she wouldn't be condemned for being physically intimate with you."
"A place like that would be amazing for Natalia," Olivia said, sounding a bit more hopeful. "Her faith is such a vital part of who she is, and it's hard knowing she's had to sacrifice parts of that to be with me."
"You really love this woman, don't you?" Lena's voice was filled with tender recognition.
Olivia's face flushed just a little, and she dropped Lena's gaze, as she attempted to regain her composure. "I've never loved anyone the way I love her," she quietly confessed. "She and our children are my entire world."
"Obviously, I'm not the only one who's changed," Lena gently remarked.
Olivia nodded in acknowledgment. But she remained silent as she returned her focus to the dishes, rinsing off another serving bowl.
Realizing the hotelier wasn't ready to offer a reply, Lena tried to move the conversation forward. "I know what you mean, though," she said, attempting to hold on to that connection with her friend. "Bianca and our girls mean everything to me."
"I can tell," Olivia said, reengaging with her friend. "That's something else that's different about you." She loaded the last of the serving bowls into the dishwasher, and dried her hands on a nearby dishtowel.
"What's that?"
"You're softer now, sentimental," Olivia said, as she gently touched Lena's forearm. "That's not something I ever thought I would see in you." The observation was spoken kindly, rather than critically.
"I could say the same of you," Lena gently pointed out. "Natalia seems to have brought out the best in you."
Olivia smiled and shrugged. "I can't argue with you there. She's completely amazing," she gushed.
A shy smile tiptoed across Lena's face. "Falling in love with Bianca changed me in a lot of ways, too," she confessed. And then those expressive dark eyes filled with tears. "But the thing that changed me the most was becoming a mother. When Jordan was born, my whole world shifted from distorted shades of gray, to crystal-clear HD Technicolor. And Alexandria brought out even deeper emotions in me, and now…" Her voice hitched, and she sighed softly; unable to finish her thought.
Olivia nodded and smiled; her own eyes tearing up. "I know what you mean," she said, softly. "When Emma was born, I started to see life from a whole new perspective. Things that had never made sense, suddenly seemed crystal clear, and emotions I never thought I would feel, surfaced in ways I never could have imagined."
"Exactly," Lena said, sniffing back the tears. She pressed her hand firmly against her abdomen, as a tender smile played on her lips.
Noticing the gesture, Olivia gently squeezed Lena's arm. "I guess congratulations are in order, huh?" It was more statement, than question.
Lena's dimples bloomed, and she nodded bashfully. "We're really excited," she practically gushed.
Olivia offered a wobbly smile in response. "I'm really happy for the two of you, Lena."
"Are you sure about that?" Lena sounded doubtful. "Because you don't seem very happy." Brutal honesty in the face of denial was an intrinsic tenet of their friendship, even when it hurt.
"Why would you say that?" Olivia sounded offended.
"You trashed a thousand dollar bottle of wine to keep me from announcing this pregnancy." Lena's statement was blunt, but her tone was not unkind. She dropped the packet of detergent into the dishwasher, and closed the door. "What's up with that?"
Olivia responded with a nervous smile. "I don't know what you're talking about," she denied. "The bottle slipped from my hand."
"Bullshit, Spencer," Lena retorted, with a firm pressing of the start button on the machine. It kicked into action, filling the awkward silence that followed Lena's response.
Olivia glared at her, daring her to continue.
Lena defiantly took that dare. "I started to tell you I was pregnant, Natalia looked as if she might pass out, and the next thing I know, the wine was on the floor. Don't try to sell me a story about coincidence, because I'm not buying it."
"You never were one to pull any punches, were you, Kundera?" Despite the edginess that had risen within her, Olivia sounded resigned.
"Not when it comes to the people I love." Lena's voice was softer now; filled with compassion. "What's going on, Olivia? Is Natalia all right?"
"Yeah… yeah, she's fine," Olivia said, rather unconvincingly. "She's uh…" A long haggard sigh allowed her the pause she needed to collect her thoughts. "She's pregnant."
Lena looked positively elated. "Olivia, that's wonderful!" The expression on Olivia's face told her otherwise, and Lena's smile fell into a worry line.
"No—," Olivia countered, vehemently shaking her head. "No, it isn't." She bit her lower lip, as Lena eyed her expectantly. "She's really upset about it, and honestly, Lena, I don't know how to help her."
"So this…" Lena swallowed hard, staving off memories that suddenly felt far too recent. "This wasn't planned." It wasn't a question.
Olivia just shook her head in response.
"Was she—"
Knowing exactly what Lena was asking, Olivia was quick to reassure. "No!" she exclaimed. Her voice was more forceful than she had intended, and when she said it again, it came across on a whisper. "No. She uh… It happened right before we got together. We were both running away, fighting what we were feeling for one another; and I can't help but feel partially at fault, because I wasn't honest with her. Maybe if I had told her I was in love with her, she wouldn't have run to him…"
"Or maybe that would have sent her running even faster…" Lena played Devil's Advocate. "It could have gone either way, and playing the 'what-if' game is never productive."
"I know—," Olivia sighed, helplessly. "It… it was just a mistake. Just one little mistake, and… I hate that she's suffering the consequences."
Olivia sounded so sad, her voice so small. Lena pulled her into a comforting hug. "You and I sure know a lot about the consequences of mistakes, don't we?" Her words were meant to comfort rather than to criticize, and her softly accented voice was soothing, as she gently rubbed Olivia's upper back.
"Yeah," Olivia sighed, nodding her head against Lena's shoulder. "Except, that our mistakes hurt other people; not so much, ourselves. Natalia's mistake, well… she's the one who's really hurting."
Stepping back from their embrace, Lena grasped Olivia's biceps. Their gazes locked, and Lena said, "Sounds like you're really hurting, too."
"Only because I'm so worried about her." Olivia's concern was evident in her tone. "Everything else about this situation, I can deal with just fine. Seeing her in pain is what's hardest on me."
"So you're okay with the idea of having another baby?" Lena asked. "Even one that wasn't planned?"
A hint of a smile teased at the corners of Olivia's mouth. "As much as I would prefer not to have Frank as a constant fixture in our lives, I really am happy about this baby," she shared. "I love Natalia, so much, and I can't imagine not loving a child that belongs to her."
"Does she know how you feel?"
Olivia shrugged, almost helplessly. "Yes… and no," she said, contradictorily. "She knows that I love her, and that I'm here for her. And that I support her completely..."
"But did you tell her that you're happy about the baby?" Lena pressed. The importance of Natalia knowing that particular piece of information was evident in the intensity of her voice.
Olivia shook her head. "She's so torn up with guilt right now, and nothing I say helps. She pretends like it does, but I know her. She's holding on to the guilt because she thinks she deserves to be punished for her mistake," she explained. "And I'm afraid if I tell her how happy I am, I'll make her feel worse, because I know she doesn't want this baby."
"Oh—" Lena was at a loss for words. She weighed her thoughts carefully. "Is she considering…"
Before Lena could even finish the question, Olivia was shaking her head adamantly. "She would never—" she said, firmly. She didn't need to ask Natalia's stance on that. Even when Natalia had broken down that morning, Olivia knew in her gut that termination would never be an option in their discussion. "She's just really struggling to accept the pregnancy right now."
She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "Honestly, Lena, as happy as I am about the baby, I can understand why she's struggling. I understand her fears and concerns, especially right now. I mean, this whole thing is really new to both of us. Not just the pregnancy, but the very idea of being in a relationship with another woman. I love Natalia. I do. But I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it some days," she admitted. "And though hers are less frequent than mine, I know she has those moments, too."
"It can be a challenging transition, on every level," Lena gently normalized.
"Believe me, I know." Olivia sounded fatigued. "And to be honest, I'm still in a bit of shock about the baby. We just found out she was pregnant this morning."
Lena blinked twice, and her heart thumped hard. "Oh, my God," she exhaled breathlessly, as she pressed her hand against her chest.
"Ha! Yeah." Olivia's response was choked out on a humorless laugh.
"And you still came on this trip?"
A sheepish smile teased at Olivia's mouth, and Lena immediately read her intent. "Bianca?" she accurately presumed.
"I thought she could help," Olivia tentatively confessed. "I hope that's not too presumptuous of me."
Lena offered a reassuring smile. "You know she'll help. It's what she does." She couldn't stop the proud smile that formed on her lips. "She just can't help herself."
"Well, thank God for that. We both really need her right now." Olivia sounded immensely relieved. And then she sought Lena's gaze. "Thank you for listening," she said, sincerely. "I really need you right now, too."
Lena smiled and hugged her again. "I'm always here when you need me, Spence," she quietly reassured.
"I know," Olivia acknowledged, as she squeezed Lena tightly. Releasing her, their eyes met again, and the corners of her mouth tipped into a bright smile. "I can't believe you're pregnant." She sounded genuinely excited. "I really am happy for you guys. I know how much this baby must mean to you."
"We're both really excited." Lena's smile told Olivia the depth of her truth. "And yes, this baby means more to me than I can say." She knew Olivia understood. "I'm happy for you and Natalia, too, Olivia," she said, softly.
Dropping Lena's gaze, Olivia nodded halfheartedly.
Lena squeezed Olivia's hand. "She'll come around." Her softly accented voice was gently reassuring. "She just needs your love and support—and a little time."
"I'll give her all of those things, and more," Olivia said, confidently. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for her, Lena. Nothing."
A smile of agreement accompanied the nodding of Lena's head. "As long as you both have that kind of selfless attitude, there's nothing the two of you can't survive together," she wisely tutored.
"Natalia is nothing, if not selfless," Olivia quietly acknowledged. "She always puts me and our children first. That's why she gave me Gus's heart, even after everything I did to hurt her—she didn't want my girls to lose their mom the way Rafe lost his dad." Her tone was soft and reflective. "And she wanted Rafe to learn the importance of forgiveness." She paused for a moment; then said, ruefully, "He hasn't quite learned that yet."
"He's not accepting of you in his mother's life?"
"That's putting it mildly," Olivia said, dryly. She reflected on Rafe's behavior for a moment; then said, "He was getting better for a while. Y'know, seemed okay with Natalia and I being friends; even close friends. And he adores Emma. He's so good with her." She was happy to point that out. "But he's so furious about our relationship that he refuses to speak to Natalia. They haven't had a civil conversation since she told him about us."
"That has to be difficult, for both of you," Lena empathized.
"Let's face it, Lena, I'm used to being the town pariah," Olivia said, wryly. "It's Natalia I worry about. I don't want her to lose her son because of me."
"Sounds to me like you feel responsible for a lot of things that aren't your fault," Lena astutely pointed out.
"You sound like your wife." Delivered on a soft sigh, there was a hint of fondness in Olivia's tone.
Lena's expression adopted a proud smile. "Thank you." She sounded more than pleased with the comparison. "But I mean it, Olivia. It isn't your fault that Natalia's church isn't accepting. That's the church's problem. And you didn't cause her to have sex with this man and get pregnant. She did that all on her own. And you certainly aren't responsible for her son's reaction to your relationship. That's his problem, and he needs to own it. You're only responsible for the choices you make, not the ones that others make for you or about you."
Olivia frowned. "I hate it when you make valid points," she said, begrudgingly.
Lena laughed softly, and reached out, squeezing Olivia's hand again. "Look, I'm not saying that I don't understand your concerns for Natalia, because I do. I'm just saying that being supportive of her doesn't mean you have to take the blame for things that aren't your fault. You may be guilty of a lot of things, Spencer, but you're not responsible for any of these."
"Thanks," Olivia said, gruffly. "I think."
"Anytime, Spencer," Lena grinned. "Any time."
The light ocean breeze had taken on a subtle chill, but still, it lacked the usual bite of an April evening on The Vineyard. The flames flickered in the gaslight lanterns, casting an incandescent glow across the deck that suffused Natalia in an intricate prism of light and shadow.
Bianca studied her with measured intent, as she sipped on her glass of iced tea. They had been lounging in the Adirondack chairs since shortly after dinner, at Lena and Olivia's insistence. The more she talked with Natalia, the more she understood why Olivia found her so irresistible. And it was that observation that drew her thoughts back to Olivia. "I know it's none of my business, but…"
"Ooh, nothing good ever follows that statement," Natalia joked. The longer they chatted, the more comfortable Bianca made Natalia feel. It was almost like having a sister again.
They chuckled together. "I suppose that's true," Bianca conceded. "Maybe I should try another segue."
Natalia smiled. "Not necessary. What were you going to ask?" She sipped at her ice water, preparing for the impending inquiry.
"I was going to ask about Olivia," Bianca said, concerned. "Is she all right?"
"What makes you ask?" Natalia inquired curiously.
Answering a question with a question, Bianca noted. Deflection—a classic mechanism of avoidance. She was more convinced than ever, that something was amiss. "She doesn't usually go around dropping thousand dollar bottles of wine," she said, candidly. She hadn't seen the stricken expression on Natalia's face; the one that had prompted Olivia's reaction.
"Oh—" Natalia sounded surprised. She hadn't planned on a conversation that would lead straight to her misgivings about the pregnancy. The moment hung between them, as Natalia gathered her thoughts. "I thought you meant the fact that I wouldn't let her carry the dishes."
"Well, that too," Bianca admitted. "Her heart is okay?" Her tone begged Natalia to answer affirmatively.
Natalia's face adopted a soft smile. "She's fine. Her heart is stronger than ever," she confirmed. Her smile turned sheepish. "I know I'm ridiculously overprotective, but I just love her so much, I can't bear the thought of her being taken away from me."
"It's never ridiculous to be protective of the ones you love, Natalia," Bianca validated. "I think it's that Mama Bear instinct in us. It's always on high alert when it comes to our loved ones; especially when they've been as sick as Olivia was for so long."
Natalia nodded, solemnly, and forced back tears. "I came so close to losing her, so many times…"
"I can't imagine how hard that must've been on you," Bianca empathized.
"It terrified me," Natalia admitted, her voice cracking with emotion. "The last time something really serious happened, we were having an argument, and she collapsed right there in front of me," she recalled. "And the next thing I knew, I was on the ground next to her, begging her not to give up—on her daughters, or on me," she quietly shared. She swallowed hard around the lump that had taken up residence in her throat. "And that's when I really realized how much she meant to me. I realized that even the mere thought of living my life without her was inconceivable."
"Wow!" Bianca's voice was soft, and filled with sentiment. "Sounds like you had a real epiphany."
"I did," Natalia readily granted. "I realized that I needed her. And more than that, I loved her. And from that moment on, there was nothing I wouldn't do to protect her."
Bianca offered an affectionate smile. "Olivia is a very blessed woman," she proclaimed.
Natalia shook her head. "No, Bianca, I'm the one who's blessed," she said, sincerely. "Olivia supports me emotionally. She encourages me. She challenges me in ways that no one ever has, or ever will. She makes me feel good about myself. She also makes me completely crazy," she said, with a soft chuckle, "but I wouldn't have her any other way." She paused for a beat, reflecting on Olivia's love. "And most of all, she loves me unconditionally; even though I haven't always deserved it."
"What made you think you didn't deserve it?" Natalia's comment had piqued Bianca's curiosity.
Natalia released a humorless laugh. "The fact that I nearly killed her because of my own selfishness and petty jealousy."
Bianca was decidedly shocked—such behavior seemed completely out of character for the woman she was getting to know. But she held her composure like a seasoned pro. "What happened?"
Biting her bottom lip, Natalia allowed her thoughts to drift back to the day she married Gus. "It was, uh… it was my wedding day, and I thought Olivia was going to interfere. So I locked her in the bathroom in a cabin in the middle of nowhere," she explained. "She had been waiting for a new heart for months, and that day a match became available. They paged her, but she couldn't get there, because of what I had done. And she lost out on the heart." She sounded guilt-ridden, even now. "I won," she said, mordantly. "I got my husband—and Olivia almost died."
"Sounds like the aftermath left you feeling really conflicted," Bianca reflected.
Natalia looked positively chagrinned. "I felt so horrible about what I had done, I couldn't even enjoy the time I had with Gus." She shook her head, disbelievingly. "I can't believe I'm telling you all of this…"
The corners of Bianca's mouth curled into a knowing smile. "People say I'm easy to talk to," she shrugged.
A shy dimpled smile accompanied a soft chuckle. "People are right."
Bianca laughed softly. "Thank you," she said, sincerely. And then her tone turned serious again. "I can't even imagine how strained things must've been between you and Olivia back then," she empathized. "But everything worked out all right, didn't it?" she reasoned. She leaned forward, setting her glass on the edge of the stone fire pit. "I mean, she ended up receiving another compatible heart."
Natalia laughed, but there was no humor in it. "If I believed in karma, I would say the last laugh was on me," she said, deprecatingly.
Leaning back in her seat, Bianca stealthily crossed her legs, and clasped her hands in her lap. "What do you mean?"
Shifting in her chair, Natalia furrowed her brow. "You mean you don't know?"
Completely clueless, Bianca shook her head. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Olivia, um, she has my husband's heart," Natalia shared in a small voice.
"She what?" Stunned, Bianca blinked twice and sat forward in her seat. This time she couldn't hold her composure.
Natalia shrugged and her eyes shifted, as she tried to avoid tears. "She has Gus's heart," she quietly repeated. "He was killed in an accident a few days after we were married." It was no longer important to Natalia that he had been on his way to see Olivia when it happened. She knew now, that she was exactly where she was meant to be—with Olivia.
"Oh, God, Natalia, I'm so sorry," Bianca empathized. She reached over, gently squeezing Natalia's hand. "I had no idea you had lost your husband so tragically, let alone that Olivia had been given his heart."
"It was my choice to give it to her," Natalia explained. "It's what Gus would've wanted. He wouldn't have wanted her girls to lose their Mom. And… I didn't want that, either."
"They were close then, Olivia and Gus?"
"Yes," Natalia nodded. "Yes, they were." The remainder of the story wasn't important anymore, and Natalia chose not to divulge it.
Bianca smiled warmly. "So you gave her your husband's heart, nursed her back to health, fell in love with her, and the rest is history?" Her tone asked the question.
"Yep, that about sums it up," Natalia beamed.
"That's all I'm gettin', isn't it?" Bianca grinned, knowingly.
"Mm, for now," Natalia said, teasingly.
Bianca laughed lightly. And then her thoughts turned back to the scene in the kitchen. "So, if Olivia's all right, what was up with the wine bottle? I know she's not that clumsy—especially when there's alcohol involved," she said, humorously.
Natalia responded with a quiet laugh. "She definitely enjoys her fancy wine," she conceded. Turning a bit more pensive, she took a moment to consider Bianca's question, weighing her words carefully. She wasn't certain how involved she wanted to get in this conversation. "I think it was just a knee-jerk reaction," she finally said.
"To what?" Bianca's tone was gentle, but she sounded confused.
"Olivia was just being overprotective, that's all," Natalia reasoned, attempting to pass the incident off as nothing.
Bianca wasn't buying it; she was far too skilled at the fine art of reading people. Her gut told her something was off. She could feel Natalia's reticence to discuss whatever it was that was happening, and she knew better than to pry too quickly. Slow and steady builds rapport, and strong rapport leads to trust. She captured Natalia's gaze in the lamplight, as she touched her arm with a reassuring hand. "If you'd rather not talk about this, it's okay, Natalia," she said, understandingly. "I'm just glad to know Olivia's all right."
The pause that followed allowed Natalia an opening to do with as she desired.
Left with only silence, Natalia felt compelled to formulate a response. She chewed her bottom lip, nervously, as she remembered Olivia's gentle plea for her to talk with Bianca. Natalia genuinely liked this woman; felt comfortable with her, in a way that she didn't normally, with people she didn't really know. Weighing her options, she considered both Olivia's urging, and her own intuition, and gingerly, she edged into the conversation. "Lena was about to tell us she's pregnant, and…" She realized the presumption in her statement, and backtracked. "I mean, she is pregnant, isn't she?" She looked to Bianca for confirmation. "At least, that's what I gathered from—"
Bianca's face lit up. "Yes," she confirmed. "Yes, she is."
"I thought so," Natalia said, quietly. She offered a warm smile. "Congratulations," she said, sincerely. "I think that's wonderful."
"Thank you, Natalia," Bianca said, warmly. "We're absolutely over the moon about it." Her voice was sincere, but not overly enthusiastic. Though she didn't know exactly what was wrong, she could feel Natalia's pain, and she didn't want to exacerbate it. She leaned forward again, placing a gentle hand on Natalia's arm. "Olivia was protecting you?"
Natalia nodded. "She didn't think I could handle Lena announcing her pregnancy, with everything we're going through right now." She couldn't believe all that she had divulged; but Bianca made her feel comfortable talking, and she really liked that.
"Are the two of you trying?" Bianca asked, innocently.
Natalia barked out a laugh. "Oh, we didn't need to try," she said, sardonically. "I already am." Her eyes dropped down to study the planks on the deck.
"Oh—" Bianca tried not to sound surprised. "So I take it this wasn't planned."
"No, it definitely wasn't planned," Natalia quietly admitted. "Olivia and I talked about having more children, but… not like this…"
Bianca began piecing information together, and didn't like the conclusions she was drawing. She ventured her best educated guess. "Natalia, did someone hurt you?" Her tone was soft, her cadence tentative, as it had been with many women through the years.
"What?" Natalia's head shot up, and her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, my goodness, no," she quickly denied. "I'm so sorry, Bianca. I didn't stop to think about how that might've sounded." She thought of Olivia then, and how distraught she had been over her pregnancy with Ava. Olivia had not been given a choice when it came to sex with Jeffrey—that choice had been taken from her by force. But Natalia had given her body to Frank willingly, and that only served to intensify her guilt for not wanting this child. She didn't feel as though she deserved empathy from anyone—and especially not Olivia.
"I'm the one who should apologize," Bianca said, ruefully. "I had no right jumping to conclusions." Her training had taught her to follow her gut instincts with clients. To approach the sensitive questions when the pieces seemed to fit, or not fit, if that be the case. But this was different. This was a friend, not a client, and she had no business drawing such conclusions. "I made a mistake, Natalia, and I'm very sorry." Her training had also taught her that genuineness was paramount to any relationship, and admitting to a mistake was a healthy way of modeling trustworthy behavior.
Natalia could feel the repentance in Bianca's tone, and she offered a reassuring smile in response. "You were looking out for a friend," she said, reframing the incident. "There's no harm in that."
Bianca smiled, sheepishly. "You're being very gracious."
"It's nothing. Really. I appreciate your concern, Bianca," Natalia said, sincerely. "And just to reassure you, I promise, nothing bad happened. This pregnancy is a result of my own poor judgment; plain and simple."
Adopting a reflective expression, Bianca nodded. "Sounds as though you're feeling kind of disappointed in yourself," she gently speculated.
Natalia studied the slowly melting shards of ice in her glass. "Devout Catholic, with not one, but two unplanned pregnancies; both of them out of wedlock, and only one with a man I actually loved?" She sounded rueful as she ticked off her transgressions. "Yeah, you could say I'm feeling disappointed in myself."
Reaching over, Bianca supportively squeezed Natalia's hand. "People make mistakes, Natalia," she said, gently.
"That's what Olivia says," Natalia replied, eyes downcast. "But to me, once is a mistake. Twice is completely inexcusable." She sounded completely mortified with herself.
"Sounds like you're carrying an awful lot of guilt and shame over this." Bianca's voice was soft and comforting. Her heart ached for the woman.
"I should feel guilty and ashamed, Bianca." Natalia's adamant declaration was punctuated with tears that threatened to spill.
"'Should' is a really strong word, Natalia," Bianca gently challenged. She knew such heavy expectations carried with them an enormous sense of guilt, and most often, they were based upon faulty thoughts. It pained her to see Natalia carrying such a heavy burden, especially when it was so unnecessary.
"Yes, but it's appropriate in this case, don't you think?" Natalia countered. "I mean, I broke a promise I made to God, and I betrayed my love for Olivia, all because I was too afraid to face the truth. I can't imagine anything that would cause more damage than that."
Bianca nodded. "I can understand why you might feel that way," she gently validated, "but God doesn't expect us to be perfect, Natalia. He only expects us to try."
"I know—" Delivered on a sigh, Natalia's tension was palpable. "I've done my penance for breaking my promise, and I know that I have God's forgiveness. He doesn't hold anything against me, and neither does Olivia. She says there's nothing for her to forgive, because we weren't even together then. But I just can't seem to forgive myself."
"What is it exactly, that you can't forgive of yourself, Natalia?" Bianca was looking for the root issue, and Socratic questioning was a staple in her exploratory toolbox.
"My choices brought consequences, and if it were just me who had to face them, I would be okay. I mean, it's not like I haven't been in this position before," Natalia said, sardonically. "But this baby affects Olivia's life, too. It's a living, breathing reminder of my fear of loving her, and I… I just wish I would've had the courage to tell her I was in love with her, instead of running to Frank's bed to escape the truth." It was no wonder Olivia was so afraid of becoming more intimate with her—the first sign of fear had sent her running to someone else's bed, Natalia silently reasoned. And faulty as her reasoning might have been, it was all she could see at the moment. "I ruined our chance at the life we wanted together, Bianca. If I could go back and erase that night—to wipe away this pregnancy, I would. But I can't. It's totally my fault that we're in this position, and I wouldn't blame her for an instant, if she walked away."
The pieces started falling into place for Bianca. "You're really not okay with this baby, are you, Natalia?" She sounded concerned, not judgmental.
Lowering her gaze, Natalia solemnly shook her head. "No—"
Delivered on a broken whisper, Natalia's heart-wrenching admission nearly broke Bianca's heart. "And, God," she sighed fitfully, "I can't tell you how much guilt I feel over that, but I can't help the way I feel."
"No, you can't," Bianca readily agreed, "And I hear your pain and uncertainty, Natalia." Right now, this woman needed to have her feelings heard and validated, not placated. "It's understandable that you might feel this way, given all the guilt and shame you're carrying."
Natalia glanced up at her with a look of astonishment. "You're not just going to tell me everything will be all right? Or that this pregnancy is God's way of telling me I should've married Frank?" That was what Father Ray had suggested, when she stopped at the church to pray on their way to the airport that afternoon. She had gone there to reach out to God for His wisdom, and was left feeling worse than she did when she arrived. Olivia had been furious when Natalia told her what he had said, but Natalia downplayed it, not wanting Olivia to worry about the rising tide of the fear in her heart—the fear that somehow, God was punishing her for breaking her promise to Him.
Bianca slowly shook her head. "No, I'm not," she said, firmly. "It's no one else's place to decide what meaning this pregnancy holds for you and Olivia. That's for the two of you to determine."
Natalia nodded, and then, catching Bianca's gaze, she smiled through her tears. "Thank you for really listening, and not minimizing my feelings just make me feel better," she said, appreciatively. "That only would've made me feel worse."
"I know," Bianca said, understandingly. She thought for a moment, before adding, "It's not that I don't believe that everything will work out for the two of you, because I do. I just feel like you need more than cliché reassurances right now."
"I do," Natalia quietly granted, "and I appreciate you for understanding that." She felt empowered now, and that gave her courage to speak more openly. "I just feel so frustrated," she confessed. "I mean, I thought I had finally put Frank in the past, and Olivia and I were moving forward. Slowly," she grumblingly granted, "but at least we were making progress. And this was… it's just the last thing we needed right now." She sighed, discontentedly.
The expression on Bianca's face asked for more information, and to Natalia's continued amazement, she willingly provided it. "This is all so new for us, and we're still just trying to find our way."
Bianca offered a knowing smile.
"We're still learning how to be in a relationship together," Natalia shared. "Neither of us has ever been with a woman before, and it's… a little overwhelming."
An understanding nod from Bianca encouraged Natalia to continue. "Add to that the fact that my son isn't exactly pleased with this situation, and it all adds up to a really tumultuous time for us. And now this…" She sounded exasperated.
"The pregnancy is recent news?" Bianca accurately deduced.
Natalia nodded in response. "We just found out this morning."
The information took Bianca a bit off guard, but she held her composure. Reaching over, she squeezed Natalia's hand again. "It's no wonder you feel so overwhelmed, Sweetie," she empathized. "You've been through a lot in a really short period of time," she skillfully reflected.
"Yeah…" Natalia released a huge sigh of relief. It made her feel better, just knowing someone understood. "I've been in love with Olivia for a really long time—probably longer than I'd care to admit," she sheepishly confessed. "But I didn't find the strength to acknowledge my feelings and really start dealing with them until two months ago."
"The adjustment can be difficult, especially for a person of faith," Bianca said, empathically. She had known more than a few people who struggled with reconciling the desires of their heart with the tenets of their faith.
The reemergence of tears in her eyes indicated how deeply Natalia could relate. She distracted herself by reaching for her glass, taking a slow drink. "When it comes to my faith, falling in love with Olivia was the greatest challenged I've ever experienced," she confessed, once her emotions were under control. Her thoughts turned reflective then. "Olivia once told me that her soul had never been much of a battleground," she relayed. "And I could relate to that, because mine never had been either—not until I fell in love with her."
"Is it still a battleground now?"
"It took a really long time to work through it all, but no, it isn't. I understand now, that my love for Olivia is a gift from God," Natalia answered proudly. "I wouldn't trade what I have with her for the world."
"Sounds to me like you're adjusting to this relationship quite well," Bianca supportively observed.
A contemplative smile sprouted on Natalia's lips, as she concentrated on the glass in her hand. "I thought I would be the one holding us back," she admitted, "but the funny thing is, I think, in some ways, Olivia is having a much harder time adjusting than I am." She paused to think for a moment—she didn't want to make Olivia sound bad. "Don't get me wrong," she was quick to clarify, "I know that she loves me, and she's completely committed to this relationship, but…"
"But she has moments of insecurity? And there are parts of herself that she holds back from you?" Bianca knowingly postulated.
Surprised, Natalia blinked and sought Bianca's gaze. "How did you know?"
An empathic smile tiptoed across Bianca's lips. "Because Lena was the same way in the beginning," she shared. "They're a lot alike, you know."
Natalia nodded and grinned. "I'm beginning to see that," she acknowledged. "Which, I guess, is why it surprises me that they get along so well," she chuckled. "Olivia doesn't tend to get along with other women—especially women who are powerful and accustomed to being in control."
"I know what you mean," Bianca said, dryly. "There was a time, early in our relationship, when Lena butted heads with my Mom and my sister on an almost daily basis," she shared. "It wasn't completely her fault, though—Mom and Kendall are as stubborn as she is," she added, drolly.
"Three head-strong women in your life?" Natalia pondered. "That must make for some interesting Holiday gatherings," she teased.
"Don't I know it," Bianca teasingly groused. "Be thankful you only have to contend with Olivia."
"Amen to that," Natalia laughed. She paused for a beat, looking reflective. "So what makes things so different between Olivia and Lena?" she wondered aloud.
"I think they get along because they understand one another, Natalia," Bianca theorized. "Their friendship began at a time when they were both feeling powerless and out of control. They were both wounded, and though they never really talked about their pain, I think they each recognized it in the other. That makes for a powerful bond."
"That makes a lot of sense," Natalia recognized. "And I guess that kind of explains how Olivia and I ended up where we are today. Falling in love with her was something I never would have fathomed. Not in a million years! I never thought we would even be friends." She laughed softly at the irony. "But even when we didn't get along, we were bonded over the pain of losing Gus."
"Is that something you think about often—the pain of losing him?"
Considering Bianca's question for a moment, Natalia shook her head. "No—," she answered, honestly. "I used to look at Olivia and feel the pain of that loss. But now, when I look at her, I feel the love I have for her—and I feel gratitude toward him, because without even realizing it, he saved her life."
Bianca smiled through tears. These women had been to hell and back together, and though their triumph must have felt bittersweet, she was happy to know they survived the journey.
"I'm still sad that my son lost his father," Natalia shared, "but I'm not sad for myself anymore, because I know I'm where God wants me to be—with Olivia. It took me a long time to see it, but I realize now that she was His plan for me all along." Glancing down at her abdomen, she pressed the palm of her hand firmly against it. "I think that's why I'm so torn up about this pregnancy," she admitted. "I stopped listening to God, and allowed fear to overcome my faith. If only I would have trusted Him, trusted His Word…"
"Then what, Natalia?" Bianca gently prodded.
"Then I wouldn't have put us in this impossible situation," Natalia answered.
A thoughtful expression covered Bianca's face. "Impossible how?"
"Olivia deserves better than this, Bianca," Natalia proclaimed. "She shouldn't have to live with a constant reminder of my fear."
"But you aren't fearful anymore," Bianca aptly pointed out.
"No, I'm not," Natalia conceded, "but sometimes I don't think she believes me. And I know it sounds terrible, but… I'm afraid this baby will eventually come between us. I'm afraid of losing her, Bianca."
The pain in Natalia's voice was palpable, and Bianca's heart ached for her. "Is she upset about the baby?" She sounded concerned.
Natalia shook her head. "I don't know." She sounded like she was at a loss. "She says she's happy, that she wants a baby with me. But she doesn't really act like it. And I feel like she holding something back; like she's not telling me the whole truth."
Before Bianca could formulate a response, the back door creaked, announcing Olivia and Lena's impending arrival. She quickly checked in with Natalia. "Are you all right for now? We can pick this up later, if you'd like," she offered.
"I'd like that," Natalia admitted with a tentative smile. "Thank you."
"Anytime," Bianca said, reassuringly. She glanced up then, meeting Lena's gaze. "Is my kitchen presentable again?"
Bianca's tone sounded threatening, but Lena knew she was teasing. "Yes, Dear," she replied, with an exaggerated eye roll. She glanced at the pads of her fingers, and shrugged. "Ah… domestic bliss at the expense of dishpan hands," she said drolly, drawing a soft laugh from Natalia.
"Baby, I think dishwater is the least likely cause of your incessantly pruned fingertips." Bianca grinned, obviously pleased with herself.
Olivia snickered, as Lena blushed. She shifted her gaze back to her wife. "Bianca!" she said in a hushed tone.
"What?" Bianca looked sufficiently innocent, but looks could be quite deceiving. "I'm just sayin' you get your fingers wet a lot…"
Olivia howled out a laugh, and Natalia immediately shushed her. She pulled Olivia down into the chair with her, and climbed into her lap.
Relenting, Olivia wrapped her arms around that trim waist. She wondered how it would feel to hold Natalia this way as the baby began to make its presence known, and found that she was excited to discover the answer.
Lena slowly shook her head, as the corners of her mouth tipped into a furtive grin.
Bianca's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Am I gonna pay for that later?" It was more an invitation than a question.
"Not in the way that you're hoping," Lena said, dryly.
Deflated, Bianca's grin morphed into a pout.
Olivia chuckled into Natalia's hair, and lightly kissed her neck. Natalia responded with a hushed admonishment for her to "behave," which prompted Olivia to quietly reply, "Who, me? I'm being an absolute angel, Sweetheart. You have no idea the comments running through my mind right now."
"Yeah, well just make sure those comments stay in your mind, and don't come running out of your mouth."
"Yes, Dear," Olivia said, humorously.
"I don't think you're funny." Natalia tried to hold a stern expression, but she couldn't hide the amused grin that teased at the corners of her mouth.
"Yes, you do," Olivia murmured softly; nipping at Natalia's ear. The warmth of Olivia's mouth gliding along Natalia's neck halted any attempts at argument. She was grateful Lena and Bianca were otherwise occupied, lest Natalia be embarrassed by her overt display of affection.
Natalia giggled, then groaned, and then her mouth was on Olivia's. Fingers tangled in chestnut locks, and she smiled against Olivia's mouth as she enjoyed those slow, sweet kisses.
Lena reached out a hand toward Bianca. "Come here," she beckoned, her tone soft and tender.
Bianca smiled up at her, accepting her hand, and Lena effortlessly pulled her to her feet. Landing in Lena's arms, Bianca wrapped her arms around her wife's neck, and tipped her mouth upward for a kiss.
Pulling Bianca close, Lena kissed her lightly, before wrapping her in an affectionate hug.
Bursting out onto the deck, Jordan broke through the quiet moments the women were sharing with their respective partners. "Lexie needs you!" she bellowed, calling for her mommies. She sounded panicked; eliciting a similar response in all four mothers.
After her plea for help, Jordan raced back into the house.
Bianca and Lena landed at the girls' bedroom door in an instant, with Olivia and Natalia close on their heels. As they entered the room, they found Emma leaning against the headboard of the queen-sized bed, with Alex snuggled up in her arms. Jordan was sitting right beside her, fidgeting anxiously. Sniffing between hiccups, the baby's lower lip trembled and the remnants of her tears glistened in those dark eyes. Emma tenderly stroked her soft curls, comforting her.
The arrival of the mom posse caught Emma's attention, and she looked up at them, expectantly. "She fell off her rocking horse and her knee was bleeding. I think she hit it on that thing on the floor," she reported; pointing to the air vent cover. It was then that they noticed the tissue Emma was holding against the baby's knee. "I tried to stop it."
Sitting down on the bed next to them, Bianca offered a grateful smile, as she reached out, tenderly cupping Emma's cheek. "Thank you, Sweetie," she said, appreciatively. "You did a great job."
Emma beamed, as Natalia crawled onto the bed next to her. "That was a big help, Em." She kissed her daughter's temple.
Lena glanced at Olivia and smiled as they stood in the doorway. "Would you look at them?" Her voice held amusement.
Olivia laughed softly. "I know… It's only been a few hours, and they're already thick as thieves."
The irony in Olivia's choice of words was not lost on Lena, but having made amends for her past, she chuckled anyway. "We're in for some serious trouble," she said, clearly amused. And then her voice turned wistful. "Did you ever think, in a million years, we would be watching our children become friends?"
"Not in a million and a half," Olivia replied. She squeezed Lena's hand. "But I'm glad we were wrong." They shared a wistful smile—one that held the understanding of secrets known, yet long left unspoken.
Bianca took note of the moment that was happening between Olivia and Lena. She had a strong inclination that much was brewing on the horizon—for both of them. She prayed for their inner strength, as she turned her attention to her youngest daughter.
Alex's lower lip quivered more determinedly. "Ouwi, Mommy," she whimpered, pointing to her knee, but not touching it.
"Let Mommy see?" Bianca reached over, gently pulling the tissue away. Taking a glance at the abrasion, she noted that the injury was minor. Thanks to Emma's quick thinking, what little blood there had been had already begun to clot.
Looking up, Bianca caught Lena's gaze.
"First aid kit?" Lena said, with a knowing smile.
"Thanks, Babe," Bianca said, affectionately. She turned her attention back to the baby. "Can Mommy hold you?"
Alex responded by sinking deeper against Emma's chest. Her fingers clutched the pale pink Hello Kitty t-shirt Emma was wearing.
Olivia and Natalia's hearts practically melted. A quiet "Aw…" escaped their lungs in unison, as Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed near Natalia.
Bianca grinned. "I think you've found yourself a little buddy," she said to Emma. Glancing up at Olivia and Natalia, she added, "She doesn't usually take to new people this easily."
Beaming again, Emma glanced at Jordan, who had her head rested against Emma's shoulder. "I think I have two little buddies."
All three women were making noises of agreement when Lena returned with the kit. She handed it to Bianca; sitting down beside her. Bianca glanced around the bed, and laughed softly. "Four adults to take care of one little booboo?"
"Moral support," Olivia shrugged, drawing another laugh from everyone.
Easily taking on the role of a little mama, Emma offered a helping hand as Bianca cleaned and bandaged the wound.
When Bianca finished, she tousled Alex's soft curls. "Now all you need is Mommy to kiss it and make it better," she declared.
"No!" Alex grunted, resolutely moving her leg away from Bianca. "Emmy tiss," she insisted.
The women laughed, and Emma beamed. She dutifully leaned over, kissing the bandaged knee. "All better?"
Alex giggled in response, and all was well with the world again.
Bianca glanced down at her watch, as Natalia began packing the supplies back into the first aid kit. "Thank you," she said to Natalia, before turning her attention to her eldest daughter. "Bedtime in thirty minutes, Jordan," she declared. Given the lateness of the hour, she couldn't believe the child was still functioning. "Let's pick out some jammies, so Mama can give you your bath."
Usually Jordan loved bath time with her Mama—that had always been their private time together, every night after dinner, and before story time. But tonight, she balked, not wanting her time with Emma to end so soon.
Lena soothed raven ringlets. "Emma is sharing your room, remember, Mój Mały?"
Emma's entire face lit up at the announcement, and Jordan's dark eyes danced with excitement.
Fighting back a chuckle at the thought of the mischief that would likely ensue, Olivia tried to hold her composure as Bianca reminded both girls that they would be sleeping, rather than playing. Two smiling faces suddenly produced genuine pouts, and the women laughed.
"We have all weekend," Lena gently reminded.
"Exactly," Bianca agreed. "And we have lots of fun things planned, so you girls need to get a good night's sleep."
"I agree, Jellybean." Olivia stretched across Natalia, kissing Emma's temple. "It's been a really long day for all of us, and we need to be rested so we can enjoy the time we have together."
Emma nodded her head, albeit begrudgingly, and Natalia smiled. "That's my girl," she said, as she lovingly kissed her daughter's forehead.
And then a flurry of activity ensued, as pajamas were chosen and bath-time logistics were discussed. Ultimately, a compromise had been proposed, which landed Emma and Jordan in a mound of bubbles in the marble garden tub in the master bath. Lena issued instructions that the water and bubbles remained in the tub, and then left them to play with a plethora of water toys, including squirting fish and penguins, a rubber ducky, bathtub markers, and Jordan's new mermaid Barbie doll. As she stepped out of the room, Lena had to admit, she had never seen two happier little girls.
The end of bath time found two very sleepy little girls, thanks to Lena's stealthy use of lavender bubble bath. Alexandria had been nursed and was already fast asleep in her crib—a rarity for the child, who usually fought sleep like a scavenger fights for its food—when Emma and Jordan crawled under the covers. They looked so small in that gigantic bed; and it made for a comical sight—all four women sitting on the edges, surrounding the two little girls. It didn't take long to get them tucked in, and much to their mothers' mutual surprise, there were no petitions for story time. After a round of kisses from their respective mommies, the girls were left in quick pursuit of their sweet dreams.
Checking on Alex, Lena was the last to leave the room, and as she reached for the doorknob she heard Jordan's soft voice offering to share her quilt with Emma. She smiled, and tears welled up in her eyes, as she watched the two girls snuggle up under that quilt. And then she quietly closed the door.
Leaving the girls' bedroom, the women reconvened on the deck, where they were joined by Paulina and Alexander. Bianca offered fresh drinks to everyone, and with Natalia's offer to help, both women returned briefly to the kitchen.
Noting the increased chill in the air, Lena meticulously stacked pieces of wood and a little kindling in the fire pit, and Olivia teased her about becoming a pyromaniac.
Lena made a face at her, and asked rhetorically, "Would you rather sit out here and freeze? It's a lovely evening, but it's still April in Massachusetts." She allowed Olivia to fill in the blanks, and received no further flack from the sharp-tongued hotelier. Once she was satisfied with the results, she clicked the trigger on the butane lighter, igniting the fire.
When Natalia and Bianca returned with the tray of drinks, they found seats next to their respective partners. Paulina engaged Bianca and Natalia in conversation, while Olivia and Lena fell naturally into a discussion of business and finance matters with Alexander. Lena filled Olivia in on the details of a new business opportunity she was working on through Montgomery-Kundera Investment Services—the corporation she and Bianca had formed after they were married. And Natalia shared bits and pieces of her life with Bianca and Paulina, while learning much about the other women, in return. The conversations were light and easy, continuing well into the night, with the rhythmic pounding of waves providing a soothing backdrop—and though she wouldn't admit it to Lena, Olivia found herself thankful for the warmth of the fire.
After Paulina and Alexander turned in for the night, Bianca invited Olivia and Natalia for a soak in the Jacuzzi.
As relaxing that sounded, they declined the invitation; citing exhaustion as their reason. "Rain-check for tomorrow night?" Olivia suggested.
"That sounds perfect," Bianca replied. "We'll probably need a good, long soak after the day we have planned."
Olivia looked a bit nervous, and Lena laughed. "Don't worry, Spence, I'm not planning on challenging you to a rowing contest or anything."
"Pffft," Olivia snorted, as she passively waved her hand. "As if you'd have any chance of winning anyway," she said, feigning arrogance.
Lena rolled her eyes. "Ever the competitive one," she sighed, drawing a laugh from Natalia.
"You're not kidding," Natalia agreed, as she arranged their empty glasses on the tray for easy transport back to the kitchen. "She's so bad about it, she competes with herself!"
"I do not!" Olivia argued.
"Really?" Natalia arched an eyebrow.
"When?" Olivia smugly challenged.
"The bet over our relationship," Natalia reminded. "You know, the one at the Beacon, where you set the odds when you already knew the outcome—and then ended up losing?" She emphasized the loss.
"Oh—" Olivia grunted.
Olivia's monosyllabic response drew laughter from the other women.
"I rest my case."
Natalia's triumphant grin earned her a seat in Olivia's lap, as Olivia tugged her down, and kissed her tenderly. "I would up the ante a million times and gladly give it all away, just to be able to kiss you that way, every single day," she whispered against Natalia's ear.
"Sweet-talker," Natalia softly accused, as she smiled and kissed Olivia again.
"You two are so damned sweet it's almost sickening," Lena declared with a grin.
Bianca lightly swatted her wife's arm. "Oh, just leave them alone," she scolded. "They're adorable."
It was Olivia's turn to arch an eyebrow, as she glanced at Bianca. "Now that's certainly something I've never been accused of being before," she chortled.
Natalia wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, smiling into those mesmerizing jade eyes. "Well, I think you're completely adorable. Especially when you're being mushy with me," she murmured.
The mere thought of Olivia Spencer being mushy, drew a snicker from Lena. Olivia glowered at her, effectively silencing the tittering, and then she turned her attention to Natalia. "We should go finish being mushy alone." Her grin was filled with mischief, and the smile Natalia gave in return held her answer.
Natalia lightly brushed her mouth against Olivia's one more time, and then she slid off of Olivia's lap. Extending her hand, she helped Olivia to her feet, and then wrapped her arms around that trim waist, as Lena and Bianca stood from their seats.
Lena collected the tray of empty glasses and the four of them made their way into the house. After a quick clean-up in the kitchen, they sauntered down the hall toward their respective bedrooms. And finally, bidding Olivia and Natalia goodnight with hugs just outside their bedroom door, Lena and Bianca slipped into the master suite, closing the door behind them.
As they retired for the evening, Olivia gingerly closed the bedroom door. Turning toward Natalia, she wrapped her arms snugly around Natalia's waist; nuzzling into her neck. The scent of Natalia's body filled her senses, leaving her virtually defenseless.
Natalia sighed contentedly, and relaxed into Olivia's arms.
"I've been waiting all night to hold you this close," Olivia whispered; lightly kissing Natalia's ear. It felt far different than having Natalia sitting in her lap.
"What stopped you?" Natalia sounded curious, but not concerned.
"I wasn't sure how you would feel about me being overly affectionate in front of them. Y'know, since you're just getting to know them, and all," Olivia reasoned. "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."
Natalia grinned. "That sure didn't stop you from kissing me."
"I didn't think they were paying attention," Olivia said, sheepishly.
Turning, Natalia tenderly took Olivia's face into her hands. "That's all well and good, but just so we're clear: Your touch could never make me feel uncomfortable, Olivia," she quietly assured. "I love how affectionate you are with me, and I don't want you to be any different than you are at home."
A teasing smile toyed with Olivia's lips. "Okay," she readily agreed, with a warning tone in her voice, "but you'd better be prepared to be overwhelmed, because it takes every ounce of my willpower not to touch you, every time I see you."
Natalia smiled into sparkling jade. "You'll hear no complaints from me," she husked. And then Olivia was kissing her.
As they slid beneath the crisp, cool sheets, their bodies gliding along smooth Egyptian cotton, Olivia instinctively snuggled up against Natalia, spooning her from behind. Natalia sighed softly, and relaxed against Olivia's body.
With her right arm tucked firmly around Natalia's waist, Olivia pulled her impossibly closer, and nestling into her neck, she kissed her lightly. Earlier, when they were unpacking, she had considered asking if Natalia was all right with the sleeping arrangements. But then she remembered Chicago. It hadn't been an issue there—in fact, Natalia had purposely arranged it to be that way. And given their decision to forego their previous agreement, she correctly decided it wouldn't be an issue here.
As if reading Olivia's thoughts, Natalia whispered, "It's nice, not having to kiss you goodnight and leave you at the bedroom door." She could feel Olivia's smile against her ear.
"I never should have agreed to that." Olivia sighed, sounding forlorn. She felt safe in making her confession, now that the agreement was considered null and void.
Natalia released a quiet chuckle. "I've been kicking myself for that since the moment I suggested it."
"Me too," Olivia concurred. "Since the moment I agreed to it, I mean."
"I'm glad we finally came to our senses," Natalia sighed.
"Yeah—," Olivia agreed, with a contented sigh. "And what about the other part of your suggestion?" She was curious. "Have you been kicking yourself for that?"
Natalia considered the question carefully, and then she turned in Olivia's arms. She could see Olivia's face in the soft glow of moonlight that filtered through the curtains, and locking their gazes, she caressed Olivia's cheek with her fingertips. "As much as I want you, I'm not sorry we've waited," she whispered honestly.
The sound of Natalia so blatantly expressing her desire always made Olivia's body react in ways she would rather it not—at least for the time being. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, as she forced her hormones into submission. "Do you feel that way just because of the baby?" She was almost afraid to hear the answer.
"That's part of it," Natalia quietly admitted. "Sex or not, I've never…"
"You've never what, Natalia?" Olivia gently pressed.
Natalia bit her bottom lip, self-consciously. "I've never been this intimate with anyone, Liv. I never knew it could be this way." Her voice cracked with emotion as her eyes welled up with unspent tears. "And the fear of losing what we've shared because of this baby is overwhelming. I can't even imagine how I would've felt if we had shared anything more intimate than what we already have."
Without even realizing it, Natalia had hit directly on the source of Olivia's greatest fear: the fear of not surviving if she ever lost Natalia. The intensity of her feelings for this woman was overwhelming, in ways that seemed unimaginable. Gently, she tipped Natalia's chin. "I understand your fear, Sweetheart. Probably better than you'll ever know," she quietly confessed. "But you know there's nothing to fear now, don't you? I'm not going anywhere."
Natalia answered, not with words, but with the claiming of Olivia's mouth. Her fingers instinctively tangled in Olivia's soft chestnut locks, and they found themselves lost in the moment, as Olivia deepened the kiss. It was a kiss meant to reassure, not to entice—one from within which an unspoken promise emanated between them.
And when Olivia finally released her from the kiss, her eyes fluttered closed, as she leaned her forehead against Natalia's; sighing contentedly. "This is what it's all about, Natalia," she whispered. "Moments like this that we share together. I wouldn't give this up for anything."
Making noises of agreement, Natalia soaked in the promise held within Olivia's words. She kissed Olivia again; and then she settled against the warmth of her body. And the sensation of Olivia's fingertips caressing the soft skin of her lower back soothed her, allowing all the excitement and tension of the day to fall away, as she drifted off to sleep in the arms of the woman who loved her.
TBC… in Chapter 9.6: When Past and Present Collide…