Title: Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Author: Kimberly21570
Fandoms: Guiding Light / All My Children
Pairings: Olivia and Natalia / Lena and Bianca
Disclaimer: The characters of Olivia, Emma, and Sam Spencer, Natalia and Rafe Rivera, Marissa Spencer Randall, Alan and Phillip Spaulding, and Frank Cooper are owned by CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble. The characters of Lena Kundera, Bianca Montgomery, Maggie Stone, Alexander Cambias, Jr., Zach and Kendall Slater, Ethan, Edith, and Stanley Ramsay, and Michael Cambias are owned by All My Children, ABC/Disney and Prospect Park.
No copyright infringement intended with regard to Guiding Light, CBS/TeleNext, Proctor & Gamble, AMC, ABC/Disney, Prospect Park or any other entity. Dialogue, settings, and story content in these scenes are original. Written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply.
Finally, this chapter weaves back and forth between the past and the present, as Olivia, Natalia, and Emma enjoy their trip to Martha's Vineyard. Additionally, there are a couple of occasions where there are, in essence, flashbacks within flashbacks. As such, I have included dates, times, and locations in an attempt to organize the flow of the scenes, and hopefully, avoid confusion. If ever there is a section that doesn't make sense, please don't hesitate to ask.
Rating: Chapter 9.11 is rated PG. I don't think there's any untoward language in it.
I hope everyone here in The States had a nice Thanksgiving. Have a great weekend, and enjoy the update…
Regards—
Kimberly
Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Copyright May, 2009
"Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences."
Anonymous
"Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences."
Norman Cousins
Chapter 9.11 – When Past and Present Collide:
Tuesday, April 28, 2009… Martha's Vineyard—12:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Lena found Natalia in the family room, mindlessly thumbing through an old issue of The Advocate she had found lying on the side table. Had she not been so preoccupied with concern over the progress of Olivia's conversation with Zach, she might have stopped to realize she was actually probing through a gay newsmagazine. But Olivia was foremost on her mind, and thus, the actual content of the magazine was immaterial.
"The new issue is sitting on my nightstand, if you'd prefer to read something a little more up-to-date," Lena commented, as she entered the room.
"What?" Natalia said, almost absentmindedly. And then Lena's comment registered. "Oh! I'm okay," she said, passively. "I just needed the distraction. But thank you."
"Wondering how things are going with Olivia and Zach?" Lena accurately surmised.
Natalia chuckled lightly to herself. "It's kind of hard not to."
"I know what you mean," Lena related. "Mind if I join you? Or would you rather be alone."
Smiling, Natalia motioned for Lena to sit. "Please, stay," she said, warmly. "I haven't really had much of a chance to talk with you one-on-one."
"Well, then, it's about time we rectify that, don't you think?" Lena suggested. A warm, dimpled smile graced her face, as she folded long, svelte legs up on the sofa across from Natalia.
"Agreed," Natalia said, easily. Leaning forward, she set the magazine on the table. Curling her legs beneath her, she turned to face Lena on the sofa. They looked like a couple of schoolgirls, settling in for a gossip session. And then the chattering began.
They talked about the unusually warm weather they were having on the Vineyard at the moment, and about plans for the remainder of the week. Then the topic moved to the girls, and how well they were getting along. Lena expressed her delighted surprise at how well Alexandria seemed to have taken to the three of them, and how much she loved watching their daughters playing together, saying that it was a sight she never would have thought possible.
Natalia could tell from Lena's tone just exactly how much it meant to her that she had been wrong. "That's really important to you, isn't it? Watching your little girls become friends with Olivia's daughter?"
"It really is," Lena quietly admitted. "There was a time in my life when I didn't think I would ever have children. And then my life turned really dark, and I wasn't certain I even wanted them. We never talked about it, of course, but I realize now that Olivia was going through something very similar. I guess that's what bonded us together, without us even realizing it."
And from there, the conversation segued toward Olivia.
Curious, Natalia asked, "How did the two of you become friends?"
"Honesty?"
Lena's tone posed the question, and Natalia laughed in response. "Yes, honestly," she replied. "Trust me, I can take it." Her tone was teasing.
Lena grinned. "She was drop-dead gorgeous, with a toned, athletic body that just wouldn't quit, and quite frankly, I wanted her. That's why I started talking to her," she answered, forthrightly. "She still has that body, you know," she added, admiringly.
"Oh, believe me, I know!" Natalia's eyes twinkled with mischief, as she grinned, roguishly. "And I'm an avid admirer of it, too."
Laughing softly, Lena nodded her appreciation. "I can understand why…"
"So, how did you get from lusting after her, to being friends?" There was humor in Natalia's tone.
"Oh, that was easy," Lena said, with a passive wave of her hand. "She shot me down."
Natalia laughed. "I've heard the story…"
Lena just grinned. "Seriously, though, I realized how incredible she is, how intelligent and articulate, and that we were of similar mind when it came to business."
"What was your friendship like back then?" Natalia wondered how it compared to the friendship she shared with Olivia. "If that's not too personal," she quickly added, in case she was overstepping her bounds.
Lena pursed her lips, feigning contemplation, but the grin that sprouted soon thereafter gave her away. "We weren't close, emotionally back then. It was based more upon admiration, mutual respect, and brutal honesty," she answered forthrightly. "We understood one another's hard edges, you know? Knew enough not to question, but rather, to just accept."
"And that's different now?"
"Like night and day." Lena's tone stressed just exactly how different things were now. "Obviously, we still hold one another in high regard, but our friendship runs much deeper, it's much more meaningful, now. She's like a sister to me, you know?" That softly accented voice brimmed with emotion. "I have that with Kendall and Maggie, as well, but it's different with Olivia. I guess because she knew me before things turned really dark, and she stuck by me through it all. She never judged me, no matter how ugly my life became."
An empathetic smile fell across Natalia's lips. "She said the same thing about you, ya know," she shared.
"Like I said, we understood one another," Lena replied with a shrug.
Nodding, Natalia shifted in her seat, and leaned forward. "So, tell me, what was she like when she was younger?" She sounded excited by the prospect of learning more about her lady love.
"A feisty smartass," Lena grinned. The honesty in her response drew a chuckle from Natalia. "With a vulnerability that few people ever saw," she added with a soft smile.
"Sounds like nothing much has changed," Natalia remarked, equal parts humor and sincerity.
"Actually, I think a lot has changed," Lena gently disagreed. "All of it for the better. And mostly, I think, because of you."
A light blush crept across Natalia's visage, and she offered a shy smile. "Thank you," she said, modestly.
"I mean it, Natalia," Lena gently reiterated. "When I met Olivia, she was a real loner. She adored Sam and Marissa, but beyond them, she really wasn't close to anyone. And she already had a hard edge to her. I know now, that it was the result of what Jeffrey did to her," she quietly acknowledged.
Dark eyes clouded with empathy as Natalia nodded her head. "He did more damage to her than he'll ever realize."
"I know—" Lena's voice sounded sad as she uttered her agreement. "So did Alex," she contended. "I didn't even realize how much until this past weekend."
Mournfully, Natalia nodded. "You know Olivia; she keeps the most painful things bottled up until she explodes."
"True—," Lena agreed. "And now I'm afraid I've caused her some of that kind of pain."
"Zach?" Natalia's tone asked the intuitive question.
"Yes—," Lena admitted, shamefacedly. "I feel terrible for not telling her about Zach being Alexandria's father," she said, regretfully. "If I had known everything she went through, I would have told her immediately."
"Why wouldn't you just tell her anyway?" It was curiosity, not condemnation, which drove Natalia's question.
"I just didn't think it was that important, you know?" Lena answered. "I knew she had gotten over him years ago, so it didn't seem all that pressing. But then Mama told me the truth, and I knew I needed to tell Olivia right away."
"What happened? Why didn't you tell her when we first arrived?" Natalia's questions were asked out of concern for Olivia, rather than criticism of Lena.
Dropping Natalia's gaze, Lena said, "I know it's no excuse, but I just got so caught up in having her here again. I didn't realize how much I had missed our friendship until we reconnected these past few months, and I didn't want to spoil our time together. It's ridiculous, I know, to think that I could avoid it, but I just kept putting it off because I knew it would hurt her."
"Well, she was definitely caught off-guard," Natalia noted. Her words were honest, but delivered in a non-judgmental tone. "And she really hates that."
"Believe me, I know," Lena sighed. "And I wouldn't blame her if she hated me for all of it," she said, ruefully. "She deserved far better than that from me."
Natalia took a moment to consider all that Lena had shared; not only her words, but the underlying emotions. "I think if you tell her what you just told me, she'll understand," she said, encouragingly.
Lena offered a wobbly smile. "Even the possibility of that being true, is all due to you, Natalia," she said, sincerely.
"I don't really think I deserve credit for that," Natalia disagreed.
Reaching over, Lena gently squeezed Natalia's forearm. "She still has a bit of that edge she had when we first met, but she's so different now. I can't get over how different." She sounded astonished, but happily so. "And I'm telling you, it's because of you."
"She's changed a lot," Natalia easily agreed. "But she's the one who deserves the credit. She's worked really hard at reinventing herself."
"Yes, she has," Lena concurred, "and honestly, Natalia, I've never seen her happier. I think you're exactly what she needs to finally heal from the past," she declared, sounding hopeful.
Lena's words made Natalia's heart swell. "Bianca said the same thing earlier, so I guess that means it must be true," she practically chirped. She knew in her heart that it was, and it made her feel positively giddy.
"I think that would be a safe bet," Lena affirmed.
Natalia grinned. "Speaking of bets… what's up with Bianca and Olivia, and their constant wagers?" There was humor in her tone. "Bianca mentioned the sandcastle thing this morning, and she sounded positively obsessed!"
Lena's laughter was robust. "Oh, my wife is never going to learn," she chortled, shaking her head.
The expression on Natalia's face begged the question, and as Lena's laughter calmed, she explained, "The first time Olivia visited us here it was during Provincetown Girl Splash, so there were lesbians everywhere. We went to 'Girl Splash Idol' and Olivia declared that she, as the token straight woman here during our lesbian-fest, could out-sing every lesbian on the Vineyard, including Bianca."
Laughing, Natalia said, "Oh, now that is so Olivia."
"Isn't it, though?" Lena chuckled. "Anyway, it was an intense competition, but by the end of the evening, they were the last two standing, and of course, when they faced off, Olivia won. And you know Olivia—she teased Bianca mercilessly, egging her on."
Natalia was nodding, indicating that it sounded exactly like something Olivia would do.
"And my poor wife," Lena said, with pity in her tone, "she really wanted to gain Olivia's approval, so she just kept suggesting wagers—all of which she lost."
"Oh, ouch!" Natalia exclaimed, with a touch of humor. "Losing all the time is bad enough, but losing to Olivia, that can be brutal."
"I know—," Lena sighed. "But everything worked out. Once Bianca realized that she didn't need to impress Olivia to gain her respect, it just turned into something they do for fun. But Olivia brings out this competitive streak in Bianca, and I know deep down that she really wants to win, just once." She shook her head. "I say, good luck to her, because she has yet to learn that Olivia Spencer never plays, except to win."
"Truer words…" Natalia said, with a knowing grin.
And with that, they shared a laugh.
From there, the conversation turned to other topics, such as how Natalia took care of a cantankerous Olivia following her surgery, and what it was like for her, working for Olivia both in the beginning and now that they were together. Natalia admitted there were times when she could have strangled the obstinate hotelier; and then she admitted that she had committed more than her fair share of strangle-worthy deeds, as well. And she and Lena shared a few more laughs over the changing dynamic of her relationship with Olivia.
As the mood shifted a bit, Natalia's fingers fumbled with the edges of a throw pillow she had pulled into her lap. "May I ask you something, Lena?" Her request came out in a tentative manner.
"Of course," Lena quickly granted. "What's on your mind?"
"Has um…" Biting her bottom lip, Natalia hesitated asking, "Has Olivia said anything to you about the baby? You know, when you've talked privately."
"She has," Lena answered with a firm nod, but her tone gave nothing away.
"What has she… I mean, is she…" Natalia sighed, frustrated. She didn't know how to word her question without asking Lena to break Olivia's confidence.
Lena understood where Natalia was going with the conversation, and sought to reassure her. Reaching over, she gently squeezed Natalia's forearm. "You know that your well-being is the most important thing to her right now, don't you?" Her softly accented voice was warm, comforting.
"Well, I shouldn't be," Natalia declared, with quiet adamancy. "She needs to be taking care of herself, not worrying about me."
The corners of Lena's mouth twisted into a knowing smile. "But she has you to look out for her," she said, quite perceptively.
Natalia chuckled softly, and smiled. "True," she granted. "I can't help myself, Lena." She shrugged. "I just love her so much, and the thought of ever having to live without her—I just can't even go there..." Delivered on an emotion-filled whisper, she emphasized exactly how much she loved and needed Olivia, as her eyes welled up with tears.
The obvious depth of Natalia's love for Olivia was nearly enough to overwhelm Lena. Pressing her hand to her chest, she forced back tears of her own. "Talk to her, Natalia," she encouraged. "I think you'll be pleased with her response, if you just tell her how you feel, and why."
"What if she's not ready to talk?" Natalia said, tentatively. It was more suggested possibility than question. "You know how she gets…"
Nodding, Lena acknowledged, "I know she can be obstinate when she doesn't want to deal. But something tells me she's ready for this conversation. Just be honest with her about what you need and want. I think you'll both feel better once the conversation is finished."
Natalia fell silent for a moment, as she considered the advice she had just received. "Thank you, Lena," she finally said. There was deep appreciation in her tone. "For everything…"
Lena offered a soft smile in return. "It was my pleasure," she said, simply. "Spence means a lot to me, and I just want to see her happy."
Smiling in response, Natalia said, "I promise, I'll do my best to make that happen."
"You already have, Natalia," Lena quietly acknowledged.
"Thanks," Natalia said, with a bashful smile.
And then the mood lightened again, and Lena chuckled, as she remembered one particularly embarrassing scrape she and Olivia had gotten into back at Oxford. She shared the story with Natalia, and the two of them were laughing together when Jordan bounded into the room, announcing that she was hungry.
Lena glanced at her watch, noting the time. She hadn't realized how late it was getting. Saying as much to Natalia, within moments the two women were in the kitchen, chattering as they worked side-by-side, preparing lunch for their family.
Standing there on the beach, Zach saw Olivia grasp at her chest, as she sank to her knees in the sand. Frozen in place, his heart began to pound, as he watched her struggle for air.
"Olivia?" There was concern in his tone as he called out to her. His voice broke not only the silence, but the bonds that were holding him in place so far away from her. Racing to her side, he dropped to his knees in the sand, grasping her upper arms with his hands. "What's wrong? Is it your heart?" He sounded panicked, as he rambled about how Lena had told him about the transplant.
Still clutching her chest, Olivia shook her head back and forth. "I'm okay. I promise. It's just… a panic attack." Fighting for breath, her words came out in short staccato bursts, as she attempted to reassure him.
"Are you certain?"
She nodded in response.
"What can I do?"
She shook her head in response. "Nothing—" was all she could verbalize. She knew she needed to calm down enough to allow her pacemaker to do its job. Natalia would have been the one having a heart attack if she were to see Olivia this way—especially after the admonition she had given, that Olivia be mindful of her heart when talking with Zach. With Natalia and their future in mind, Olivia fought for control, vowing in that moment to let go of the anger and resentment. After all, look at where it had gotten her, she silently chastised.
Zach felt helpless as he knelt there in front of her, watching her struggle for breath. Adding insult to injury was the guilt he felt for having caused this to happen. Silently, he chastised himself, thinking that he should have kept his mouth shut about Michael's predilection toward evildoing. She had been angry, but fine, prior to his thoughtless blunder.
Encouraging her to sit, he gently helped her slide back against the large rock. "Try to relax, okay," he encouraged, as he settled down beside her on the sand.
Almost numbly, she nodded, and he draped a comforting arm around her shoulder.
Leaning her head against it, she released a slow sigh. "Thank you," she said, appreciatively; thankful that her breathing was beginning to slow. Again, it occurred to her that he really hadn't changed much at all. He was still that same genuine, caring man, offering her comfort and support. It seemed to her that had been his role in her life—to comfort and support, even when he didn't realize he was doing it. He had helped her learn to trust again after Jeffrey. But then he was gone, and the trust had been shattered, leaving her to wish she had never trusted at all.
"You're welcome." It came out as a grunt, but there was warmth within it. He sat there for a while with her, waiting, and then a thought crossed his mind. "Why don't you tell me about Natalia," he suggested; a diversionary tactic.
The mention of Natalia's name instantly calmed Olivia, and she couldn't help but smile. "She's the love of my life, Zach," she quietly shared. Closing her eyes, she conjured up an image of Natalia in her mind—those warm brown eyes, that dimpled smile, and the way she felt in Natalia's arms. "She's everything I ever wanted, everything I need."
"I have to admit, I never thought I'd see you with a woman," Zach said, with humor in his tone.
"Wasn't exactly on my radar, either," Olivia laughed. She had been married to multi-billionaires, and engaged to a prince, but never would she have fathomed finding herself with another woman. Yet, Natalia was the one who colored her world with a vibrancy uncontained. "But she loves me like no one else ever has, and I wouldn't trade the life we have for anything."
"I'm happy for you, Olivia," he said, sincerely. "I'm glad you've found someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved."
"Thank you," she whispered, almost shyly. Casting a glance out over the waves, her thoughts focused on Natalia, as her body returned to a state of equilibrium. "It's new to both of us, you know, the idea of being with another woman. So it took us a really long time to admit our feelings; but God, she was so worth the wait." The last part of her comment was delivered on a breathy gush.
"She was, huh?" Zach sounded equal parts amused and pleased.
"Oh, yeah—" Olivia released a wistful sigh. "I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love her," she shared. "She's perfect for me, Zach. Almost like the answer to a prayer I didn't even know I was praying. I didn't know I needed her until she was here, and now I couldn't bear to live without her." She couldn't believe how much she had opened up to him, but it felt good to share it all with him. The more she spoke, the more emotional she became, and by the time she uttered those last words, there were tears glistening in her eyes. "Funny, isn't it, the way life just seems to fall into place once you realize you've found the one you're meant to be with?" she said, rhetorically. "You wake up one morning, and everything just makes sense in a way it never did before."
Zach nodded, indicating his agreement.
Shifting next to him, she turned to look him in the eyes. "Was it that way with you and Kendall?" she asked, curious.
His lips cracked a smile. "Somethin' like that," he grunted.
"Oh, come on, you've gotta give me more than that," she playfully prodded.
"She's the love of my life," he gruffly admitted. "That good enough?"
She couldn't help but grin at him. He never was a man of many words where only a few would suffice. "I suppose that'll have to do," she relented, with fondness in her tone. He still had that way with her—that ability to make her like him, even when she was angry with him. She paused for a beat, then said, "Thanks for calming me down. It helped, talking about Natalia."
"Least I could do, seeing as I caused it in the first place," he said, in a passive attempt to brush it off as nothing.
"It wasn't your fault, Zach," she said, reassuringly. "I've been on edge for days, dreading this conversation," she admitted. "That's on me."
"I didn't mean to make you dredge up the past," he said, remorsefully. "Maybe I should've left well enough alone."
Olivia was shaking her head. "We needed to talk, whether I wanted to or not," she declared. "I needed to tell you about our son, Zach. No matter how I feel about what happened in the past, you had a right to know the truth."
"Appreciate that," he said, throatily.
"That doesn't mean I'm not still pissed at you," Olivia said, gruffly. "At least until I can figure out how to forgive you."
"I don't expect that you'll ever forgive me," Zach said, solemnly. "I certainly don't deserve it. And I don't know that I can forgive myself, now that I know how much pain I've caused you."
"No one really deserves forgiveness, Zach," Olivia said, emphasizing the lack of right to it. "It's a gift, for both the forgiven and the forgiver. Natalia taught me that." She couldn't help but smile as she said Natalia's name again. Forgiveness wasn't something that came easily to Olivia, but thanks to Natalia, she knew it was necessary, if she wanted to move forward. "I choose to forgive you, because I need to leave the past and all its pain behind, so I can move on with my life with Natalia."
"You can just move on that easily?" There was curiosity in Zach's voice, not criticism.
"Nothing has ever been easy for me, Zach. I've had to fight for everything I have," Olivia answered, with both pain and pride in her tone. "And now I choose to fight for Natalia and our family. That doesn't mean it won't still hurt when I think about not having my son with me, but I'm tired of feeling angry. I wanna let it go," she declared, feeling better already. Letting go of anger, however justified, felt damned good. "And to do that, first I need to tell you about him."
"Please?" Zach said, pleadingly. He knew he had no right to expect the courtesy; no right to even ask.
A faint smile crossed her lips, and then her focus returned to the inbound waves, and she lost herself in the rhythmic cadence of their arrival on shore. "His name is Ethan," she announced, with a faraway lilt to her tone. "He was born on February second. I swear it was the coldest night of the year," she recalled. She shivered despite the warmth of the morning air.
Pulling her closer, Zach tightened his hold. It was a protective gesture; one that came naturally to him where she was concerned. He remained silent, hoping for more details about his son.
"His parents are Edith and Stanley Ramsay," she reported. "They live just outside London."
"Why London?" he inquired, almost timidly. "Michael was so close…" The remainder of the comment spoke for itself.
She glanced up at him. "I honestly didn't know where he was, Zach," she said, ruefully. "We had to be careful, or everything we did to protect him would've been in vain. So my name never appeared in his records. Edith is listed as his birth mother, so I doubt he even knows he's adopted."
"Oh." He grunted his comprehension of the situation. "These Ramsay's, they're good people? They've taken good care of him?"
Olivia nodded. "Seems that way, from the reports I've received from my investigators," she informed. "He's about to graduate, top of his class, and enters Oxford in the fall, on a full debate scholarship." She couldn't help but feel a sense of pride, just knowing that her son was about to follow in her footsteps; their footsteps.
Zach felt the same way, and said as much to her. "Not that we had anything to do with it, of course," he said, pointing out the obvious. "But it still means something, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know," she agreed.
Zach was quiet for a moment, contemplative. Then he asked if there was anything else she could tell him about their son.
"He plays rugby and cricket, and he's on the rowing team," Olivia expounded.
"Just like you," Zach said, referring to the rowing.
"Yeah, just like me." Olivia sounded satisfied. And then she spent the next half hour sharing stories and details she had gathered through her investigators. She had been quite pleased with all they managed to learn about him, all without raising an ounce of suspicion. She wanted it that way—to ensure that his life wasn't disrupted.
When the conversation drew to a close, he helped her up from the sand. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he again offered a sincere apology for what his choices had cost her. Her response was to say that she didn't need an apology, just a promise that he wouldn't disrupt their son's life. If Ethan came looking for them someday, she would welcome him with open arms, and trust Zach to keep him safe from Michael. But she didn't want anything they did to bring emotional or physical harm to him, and that meant staying away, no matter how much it hurt.
Hugging her close, Zach promised again that he would abide by Olivia's wishes. He thanked her for telling him the truth—it wasn't something she had to do, and he openly acknowledged that fact.
She responded by saying that while it was true he never would have known about Ethan had she not told him, she just simply couldn't keep it from him. It would have been wrong on her part to hide the truth, especially given the intricacies of his involvement in Lena and Bianca's family. To conceal the fact that their children had an older sibling would have broken the code of honesty she and Lena had always shared, and that just wouldn't do. Transiently, she wondered how Lena could have found it so acceptable to break said code. But as quickly as the thought occurred to her, she brushed it aside, choosing to focus on the future, rather than the past.
Finally, in a much-improved state of mind, Olivia suggested that they make their way back to the cottage, where their family waited for them. She knew it would take time to heal the wound that had been reopened by Alex's reappearance, and that she and Lena had much to talk about, given the truths that had been revealed. But now that the truth was known, and all the threads were visible, Olivia found the intricately woven tapestry of their family to be of comfort to her. It was surprising, inexplicably so, but she felt ready to embrace it with open arms; with Natalia by her side through it all.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009… Martha's Vineyard—1:30 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time
After lunch, Zach took Emma and Jordan for ice cream, and Lena took a cantankerous Alex to put her down for a much-needed nap. Since the girls would be gone for a while, Bianca suggested to Olivia that they take a leisurely horseback ride on the beach. They had ridden together before, and Bianca knew that, having grown up on an island, rides along the surf were something Olivia enjoyed, but seldom indulged in.
Eagerly, Olivia agreed. Turning to Natalia, she asked if she would like to join them.
Natalia's face looked positively stricken. "Uh, no, thanks," she said, warily. "You can have those smelly beasts all to yourself."
Bianca grinned at her response. "You don't know what you're missing, South Side. Come on, join us." She knew, instinctively, that Natalia wouldn't, but the invitation was sincere.
"Huh-uh." Natalia resolutely shook her head. "This City Girl will keep her feet planted firmly on the ground, thank-you-very-much. The two of you just… go—" she insisted; grinning, as she shooed them away.
Olivia responded with that sexy teasing grin. "What, you're just gonna banish me to the stables without so much as a kiss?"
Pursing her lips, Natalia feigned contemplation.
Olivia arched an eyebrow in response, and Natalia laughed.
Moving into Olivia's personal space, Natalia grinned, as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. "You, Ms. Spencer, may have all the kisses you can stand," she said, flirtingly.
"Mm… lucky me," Olivia murmured, as she claimed Natalia's mouth with her own.
The kiss was slow and sweet, and seasoned with soft giggles, and when finally released, Olivia pulled Natalia close; simply reveling in the nearness of her. A few light kisses scattered along her cheek and neck, and whispered promises of a long talk once she returned, earned Olivia an even tighter hug from Natalia, and a quietly murmured, "I love you," against her ear. And then Natalia released her, kissing her again, before sending her off with Bianca for a relaxing ride on the beach.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009… Martha's Vineyard—2:15 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Thanks to Bianca's endless connections on the Vineyard, forty-five minutes later she and Olivia were cantering along the shore on two gorgeous stallions. Olivia's horse was coal black with a single white mark between his eyes. The mark looked like a lightning bolt, and thus, he had been named "White Lightening."
Bianca's horse, "Golden Nugget," was a soft golden brown stallion with a white tail and white markings on his lower legs, giving the appearance of boots. She was familiar with both horses, having ridden them before, and decided that White Lightening was more suited to Olivia's personality—spirited and aggressive, but not overly so, with a menacing stature that belied his underlying tenderness.
It was a beautiful afternoon, warm and bright, with the sun glistening off both water and sand. The surf and sand looked like sparkling diamonds, as far as the eye could see, and they were enjoying the scenery as much as the conversation, as they moved steadily along the water's edge.
Bianca asked how things had gone with Zach that morning, but Olivia declined to answer, saying that she wasn't certain how she felt about it yet, and she needed to talk with Natalia first. Nodding, Bianca validated Olivia's decision, receiving an expression of gratitude from the hotelier, in return.
They trotted along in silence for a few paces, and then Bianca asked how Natalia had been feeling since the onset of her pregnancy.
Olivia explained that Natalia had experienced nausea, dizziness, and fatigue, but that she hadn't equated it to pregnancy until the week prior. "And ever since we confirmed it, she seems to be much better." She sounded a bit puzzled by that fact. Then, Olivia commented about how pleased she was that their baby would be so close in age to Lena and Bianca's newest addition. "It'll be great," she declared. "They can grow up together. Lena and I never thought that would happen."
"You sound really excited about this baby," Bianca reflected.
"I am," Olivia resolutely declared. She couldn't keep the grin from her face. She pondered her history for a few beats, as the horses carried them steadily south along the waters' edge. "I was mortified when I realized I was pregnant with Ava," she said; a faraway tone in her voice. "It was like my worst nightmare, you know?"
Bianca nodded, and Olivia knew that she could relate.
"And when I found out I was pregnant with my son, I was excited, but still really scared," Olivia admitted. "I was still young, and I wasn't sure how Alex would react, and then, well… you know what happened there." She allowed the story to finish itself. "Then, with Emma, my life was such a mess… I was married to Alan, sleeping with his son, and not sure which one of them was her father. I was excited about her, but terrified of what Alan and Phillip would do."
"I can't imagine what that must've been like," Bianca said, supportively.
"Things are just as complicated with this baby, you know?" Olivia said, pensively. "Natalia is so conflicted right now, and we don't know how Frank is going to react." And it doesn't help that I'm terrified she's gonna change her mind, and leave me once he knows the truth, she thought to herself, but didn't vocalize to Bianca. Closing her eyes, she released a quiet sigh. "I know it sounds crazy, but despite all the uncertainty, honestly, I've never in my life been more excited about a baby," she shared quietly.
"Does Natalia know how you're feeling about all of this?" Bianca asked, gingerly.
"I'm afraid to tell her, Bianca," Olivia confessed. "She's so overwhelmed right now, and I don't wanna make it any worse."
"You need to tell her how you feel, Olivia," Bianca gently insisted. "She needs to know that you're more than just resigned to the circumstances. She needs to know that you're genuinely happy about it, and want to raise this baby with her. Trust me—I know what I'm talking about here."
"I know you do," Olivia quietly acknowledged. Reaching over, she gently squeezed Bianca's hand. "But I wish you didn't."
"Y'know, Lena and I actually talked about that a long while ago," Bianca reflected. "And we decided that as much as we both hated what Michael did to me, we wouldn't change it."
Olivia looked positively stricken, but Bianca just smiled at her.
"Lena had that same reaction the first time I said that to her," Bianca shared. "I hate what he did to me, but I'm not sorry for the end result. He gave us Jordan," she said, her voice filled with emotion, "and we wouldn't trade her for anything—not even a chance to erase that horrible night."
Pausing to reflect, Olivia gave a slow nod. She hated to admit it, but she could relate. "I wouldn't trade Ava for anything, either," she quietly shared. "It just took me a lot longer than you to figure that out. I admire your strength, Bianca."
"It was knowing that Lena was with me, that she wanted Jordan as much as I did, that got me through," Bianca acknowledged. "And I know that circumstances are different with Natalia's pregnancy, but she still needs to know that you're with her all the way. That's why it's so important that you tell her how you feel. Trust me, it's not gonna make things worse for her, it'll make them better."
Glancing sideways at Bianca, Olivia eyed her with playful suspicion. "Is this why you suggested this little 'outing'?"
Bianca shrugged, nonchalantly. "Perhaps…" A teasing grin played on her lips.
Olivia chuckled lightly. "Thank you," she said, sincerely.
"Anytime," Bianca said, warmly. "Now… let's talk sandcastles…" she grinned.
"There's nothing much to talk about," Olivia replied, with hauteur. "I'm the Master, and you are so going down…"
"Tsk, tsk, Olivia," Bianca bantered. "I told you the only place I go down—"
"Yeah, yeah, is on your wife," Olivia finished for her. "I heard it all before. And yet, I always come out the winner. Hmm…"
There was humor in Olivia's tone, and Bianca laughed. "Someday, Olivia," she said, with a warning tone, "I'm gonna win, and then you'll know who the real Master is."
"Yeah, good luck with that," Olivia teased in reply. And then a mischievous grin sprouted on her lips. "Race you to the stables," she said, temptingly.
"You're on!" Bianca declared. "Last one in cooks dinner tonight."
"Deal," Olivia smirked. "I'm looking forward to whatever you have on the menu."
And so the race commenced, the horses galloping in the afternoon sun, as it glistened against the surf.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009… Martha's Vineyard—3:45 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Finding Natalia at the far end of the back deck, staring out across the vast expanse of the ocean, Olivia approached her gingerly. Wrapping her arms around Natalia's waist, she closed her eyes, as she pressed a light kiss to her temple.
"Hi…" Natalia sighed softly, relaxing in Olivia's embrace.
Olivia could hear the gentle smile in her voice. "Hi," she whispered in response.
"Guess it's time we talked, huh?" Natalia asked, already knowing the answer.
"I think that might be a good idea," Olivia admitted. "We can't keep avoiding the pink elephant in the room. Or the blue one, if that be the case."
Natalia felt Olivia's smile against her cheek, and despite herself, she smiled in response. Sometimes, Olivia really was funny.
"It's only the size of a peanut right now, but somehow it's become one of our biggest obstacles," Olivia pointed out. "And it doesn't need to be that way. At least… I don't want it to be."
"I don't want it to be that way either," Natalia sighed.
Tipping Natalia's chin toward herself, Olivia met that deep mahogany gaze, holding it steadily. "I want this baby with you, Natalia," she said, softly, as the hand still wrapped around Natalia's waist gently caressed her abdomen. "I'm not just resigned to the circumstances; I'm really excited about doing this with you."
The sincerity in Olivia's tone was palpable, but Natalia was afraid to really believe it. She turned in Olivia's arms, offering her a tentative smile. "Really?"
"Really," Olivia reaffirmed. "And I'm sorry I didn't make that clear to you sooner." Her fingertips lightly brushed Natalia's cheek. "I was afraid if I told you how happy I am, that it would make you feel worse, because you're struggling right now," she confessed. "I didn't want to make things harder on you."
"What changed your mind?"
"Bianca—," Olivia answered, honestly. "She helped me understand how much you needed to hear that from me. And I realized that what I was doing to avoid hurting you, was only making it hurt worse. I'm sorry for that, Natalia." Her tone was brimming with regret.
Natalia nodded her head. "She told me what happened," she said, quietly. "You know, about Jordan."
"It was such a horrific thing that happened to her. It almost cost them everything," Olivia quietly acknowledged. "But I think the fact that it didn't, speaks to possibility." She sounded hopeful.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, if Lena and Bianca can love that little girl the way they do, despite the turmoil surrounding her conception, don't you think that maybe I can love this baby, even with Frank as the father?" It was a rhetorical question; not aimed at Natalia.
"I've underestimated you, Olivia, and I'm sorry."
"We underestimated one another," Olivia gently corrected.
Glancing up, Natalia met Olivia's gaze. "You're really happy about the baby? You don't care that Frank is the father?" She sought confirmation one last time.
A bright smile exploded on Olivia's face as she pulled Natalia impossibly closer. "I'm absolutely thrilled, Honey," she proclaimed. "And no, it doesn't matter that Frank is the father. I just wanna be with you." Her voice spilled out in a breathless plea.
"I wanna be with you, too." Natalia's eyes pooled with tears.
"I want us to be Mommies together, for Emma and the baby. And Rafe too, if someday he decides he wants another Mommy," Olivia grinned, sounding positively hopeful.
But her smile quickly dissipated, as her eyes locked on mahogany pools, clouded with emotions she couldn't quite identify. Gently, she touched Natalia's face, brushing raven tendrils from her eyes. "But you're still not okay, are you?"
Dropping Olivia's gaze, Natalia shook her head. "I'm not yet," she answered honestly, "but I will be. I just need a little more time to work through my own misgivings about being pregnant again."
Tipping Natalia's chin, Olivia sought her gaze again. "Anything I can do to help?" she asked, supportively.
Natalia offered a tremulous smile. "You're already doing it."
"You sure about that?" Olivia asked, seeking reassurance. Natalia didn't look so sure.
Nodding, Natalia answered, "I just needed to know that you really wanted this baby, Liv. And now that I do, and I know I'm not going to lose you, I can focus on dealing with my own discontentment about it."
Olivia was shaking her head, as she gently took Natalia's face in her hands. "Don't you know by now that there's nothing you could do that would make me leave you," she said, rhetorically. "You're never going to lose me, Natalia." I'm the one who's afraid of losing you, she thought, finding the irony less than amusing. Pulling Natalia impossibly closer, she wrapped her arms fully around her. "Never—"
Burrowing her face into Olivia's neck, Natalia allowed the warmth of their embrace to soothe her. "I really needed to hear that right now," she murmured against Olivia's skin.
"I'll remind you every day, if that's what you need," Olivia quietly replied.
"Maybe—," Natalia answered, softly. "Right now, I just need you to hold me."
"Always—," Olivia whispered, pressing a tender kiss to Natalia's temple.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009… Martha's Vineyard—4:45 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Later that afternoon, Olivia suggested a walk along the beach before dinner. They had said goodbye to Zach, who once again offered apologies to Olivia, promising to keep his word and leave Ethan to live his life without interference. Little did he know how easy it would be to keep that promise, given the reaction Kendall was about to have upon learning about the boy. Despite their agreement prior to marriage, Kendall found it difficult enough accepting the fact that her sister had given Zach his first daughter—to learn that another woman now held claim to having given him his first son was more than she cared to bear. And thus, Zach's life was about to become a living hell—Kane-style.
As for Olivia, having released much of the anger she had harbored toward Zach since learning he hadn't really died, she accepted his apology, and bid him farewell. She knew it wouldn't be the last time they would meet—he was a part of Lena's family on both the Montgomery and Kundera sides—but it was the last time she would look at him and feel anger over what his choices had cost her. She was choosing to leave the past where it belonged, and determined to focus solely on Natalia now, and on the family they were creating together.
"So what happened with Zach?" Natalia approached the subject tentatively, as they walked hand-in-hand along the water's edge. They hadn't really had a chance to talk about it earlier, because lunch had been chaotic, and then Bianca had suggested that ride on the beach, and Emma had interrupted their conversation on the deck when Olivia returned.
"Well, I yelled a lot," Olivia said with that characteristic grin. "And I cried, and hit him."
"Sounds productive," Natalia said with a teasing lilt.
"You'd be surprised at exactly how productive," Olivia replied.
Natalia tilted her head in that adorable way of hers. "You're serious, aren't you?" She sounded a bit surprised, but pleased.
"I am, Natalia." The humor in Olivia's tone was replaced by sincerity. She stopped, turning to face Natalia. "I spent nearly eighteen years missing my son, wondering who he was, what kind of man he had become. And I spent the last two months angry with Zach for taking away my chance to know him. I don't wanna be angry anymore, Natalia. And I don't wanna focus on the past." Gently, she took Natalia's face into her hands. "I wanna focus on you, on us, and on our future."
"I want that, too, Olivia," Natalia said, softly. "I want that more than anything."
Olivia smiled. "Then we'll make it happen, together," she vowed.
Natalia sealed that vow with a lingering kiss. And when she finally released Olivia, they continued their walk, hand-in-hand, along the water's edge, as Olivia shared the remainder of her conversation with Zach. Some of it made Natalia angry, and some of it made her sad, but all-in-all, the conversation left them feeling more connected to one another, and less weighted down by Olivia's past. It was a feeling so exhilarating that neither could adequately describe it; yet they knew they both felt it, and that made them ever more hopeful about the future.
Even after the topic of Zach was finally closed, they continued to walk together, talking about other things, including the fact that their furniture had been delivered that afternoon. It was the first opportunity Natalia had to share the news. Olivia seemed decidedly more excited about the prospect than Natalia had dared hope, and it made her feel even more hopeful that Olivia would be ready soon. It didn't hurt that Olivia had been sweet, playful, and flirty; teasing, chasing, touching and kissing Natalia throughout their walk—and that the attention only intensified after Olivia learned about the delivery of their new bedroom suite.
They had a wonderful time together, talking and laughing, as afternoon turned to evening. And by the time they returned to the cottage, they were both beyond famished, and ready to devour whatever culinary masterpiece Bianca had prepared in their absence.
Gathering around the table, they all held hands as Bianca prayed the blessing over their meal. And then, as Olivia sank her teeth into the first bite of her grilled tilapia, she shot a roguish grin toward Bianca, who responded with an arched eyebrow. "Next time—," Bianca mouthed silently.
Olivia just swallowed her bite, and laughed.
TBC…