As always, One Piece isn't mine.
The following are a series of guest omakes to my previous work that came about on the Livejournal community OnePieceYaoi. I've included the usernames of the author from LJ (hint hint: go there and check out their work, it's fantastic). Complete and utter crack by the end, but the most fun I've had in ages. Oh, and a spoiler about Luffy and Gol D. Roger's relationship, if you didn't already know. And it's all still lemony fresh. XD
By ptps
The camera button was clicking too fast. Way, way too fast. If he hadn't seen the navigator with it earlier, Usopp might have thought she was playing around with a casanet or something.
"Oi, Nami," he says, when the clicking sounds have gone into rapidfire mode, looking up from his current project assemble in mild irritation, to where she's pressed herself and the lens of the compact camera to one of the galley portholes, "what on earth are you up to? The thing's gonna malfunction, at the rate you keep working it..."
"They're crazy." Her voice is hushed, somewhat strangled-sounding, but the clicking doesn't cease. "He's so fucking flexible, god."
Usopp decides then that Nami doesn't sound strangled; she's practically panting, cheeks flushed a deep red, and there's a slight sheen of sweat where it's begun to build on her forehead, dampening the bangs there. He almost drops a test tube, coughs, and begins packing up, fast. "Well, it REALLY is kind of HOT out here, and I think I'll just, you know, WORK SOMEPLACE COOLER AND QUIETER. LIKE THE MEN'S QUARTERS." And he leaves before anything else happens.
#x#x#x#
The clicking continues.
"Zoro."
"Unf. Yeah?"
"I'm... starting to cramp."
"Hn."
"No, really."
"Now?"
"Yes, dumbass. Hgnh... can we just find a position you like and start the actual fucking already? Losing interest, here."
Zoro chuckles, pulls the cook's legs up over his own head, presses his body down hard against those muscled thighs, pushes himself in deeper. "Foreplay's always better than the actual sex. Thought you would have figured by now."
"Nggh." A wild toss of the head, and Sanji pants into the crook of his elbow. "Hurry the fuck up."
A slow smile spreads across the swordsman's face before he leans down to draw a hardened nipple into his mouth. There's a whimpering moan from the body below him, and a faint, responding gasp from somewhere outside.
"Heh. The camera's stopped clicking."
"Guess she couldn't take it for much longer."
"Need two hands to hold the thing steady, after all."
"Mmmmm."
by kotszok
Usopp had made as if he were shocked, maybe even slightly taken back by Nami's reaction. He had a good idea what had got the navigator so worked up, but he wasn't about to admit to it, so he feigned ignorance and scooted off to the men's quarters. Where it took every ounce of concentration to return to his work. Turns out every ounce was not enough.
Using the shadows for cover he slinked back to the galley door and peeked in. Eyes bulging, holding back a squeal (which sounded like a scream, but come on, he was a guy... guys don't scream) he swivelled around and leaned against the wall. He hadn't just seen what he saw. Nope. Not possible. He'd have to take a second look just to make sure. His head slowly inched around the corner and there it was. Zoro. Sanji. NAMI. In that order. It... it was so wrong.
"It can't be," Usopp whimpered. Before he knew it, his eyes had clouded over, his brain had shut down and handed over all functions to his senses and instincts. Somewhere deep inside, a primal need awoke in Usopp. It pulsed, grew, became red hot and took control of the sniper's body as nothing had ever before. It was too late to speak about self-restraint. The curly-haired boy's inner-child awoke, all semblance of a lying, frightened captain wannabe completely destroyed. Nobody could have anticiptated the change. He charged forward, hands ripping and buttons and buckles.
"Oh fuck Sanji, you're so ti-" Zoro was cut off as hands grabbed him from behind. Head spinning around he only had time to see a towering shadow before his senses were engulfed by an awesome and terrifying power. He knew no more.
by ptps
They should have known that all the ruckus going on in the galley would be enough to rouse the captain's attention, eventually, but everybody freezes simultaneously when the door swings open with a deafening creak to thump loudly against the wall. The boy with the strawhat stands silhoutted against the flare of the afternoon sun, face shadowed, pose attentive yet inert. For a while, nobody dares to speak, to move, to breathe, even if they ache to do so; they're caught like a deer in the spotlight who knows it should be running, but can't, mesmerized in place by the dangerous glare.
Luffy tilts his head to the side, thoughtfully, pauses there. "Maa, you guys are mean," he complains, walking in and slamming the door behind him. "Why didn't anyone get me? I was bored."
"Uh," Zoro says intelligently, not quite sure how this progressed from "Screw the Cook's Brains Out Again" to "Why Don't We Get Some Boobs While We're At It" to "Where the Hell Did The Longnose Come From" and "Oh Snaps the Captain Too!" But Luffy merely takes off his shirt, revealing the small chest, the firm abdominals, muscles shoulders and sinewy arms, and Zoro's mind blanks for the fourth time that hour.
"Change of positions, anyone?" Nami asks, half-giggling, half-gasping, squirming where she's pinned under Sanji, "the queue formation's too organized, and there's not enough... well... freedom."
"Orgy?" Sanji says, and the gaze of that single eye is very, very wide.
"Orgy," Luffy agrees. Then adds with a decisive nod, "Captain's orders." Then, "What's an orgy?"
"Get in and we'll show you," Usopp says, and everything shoots to hell. Or heaven. It's hard for them to tell.
by kotszok
Yes, hard for them to tell. Especially when a forest of arms springs out, hands managing to reach where nobody else could, fingers adding a little thickness where somebody has already been working. What was once soft moans and stifled whimpers changes to full-fledged groans of deep appreciation. Nobody is really sure what just happened, they are only aware that the pleasure had increased significantly.
Nami, face flushed with exertion, eyes glassy with lust, is about to try an experiment with Usopp's nose when she notices Zoro is still pounding away at Sanji.
"This is not what we just agreed to," she chastises them. The two boys look over at her, the swordsman slightly miffed at having been interrupted, but they grin nonetheless.
"Whatever you say," Zoro pants, pulls out and flips them over. Sanji squeaks but doesn't waste time. He's the one with his dick in the Marimo now.
"Whatever, Nami rolls her eyes and proceeds with her experiment. Usopp looks slightly worried, but his nose has been in tighter situations. No pun intended.
The hands are still at work, caressing, squeezing, rubbing, sometimes even slapping, but freeze when a childish voice can be heard resounding through the galley.
"What's going on?" It's everyone else's turn to stop in their tracks, as 4 pairs of startled eyes and a pair of hands turn to the little reindeer. Nami is quickest to get a grip on the situation.
"Chopper," she cooes with a greedy smile on her face, eyeing his antlers. "You're just the person I need."
"Shut up, asshole," the little doctor barks, doing a delighted dance. "You think your words make me happy?"
Nevertheless he advances, and then things get really out of hand.
by chibitrillian
It was somewhere in the forest of swaying, moving hands, somewhere between Luffy's giggles and Nami's hisses of "And I thought SANJI was flexible." It was conveyed in Usopp's soft murmurs, sounding incongruously romantic when they filtered between Zoro's grunts and Sanji's shouts. It was gently underlined by Chopper's squeaks, sounding odd coming out of his larger form as they so often did. In the middle of this mass of lust and loving, there was something incredible.
It was dizzying.
It was intoxicating.
It was pure, distilled nakama.
"Luffy? Anyone? If you're still alive, make some noise."
The galley door swung open.
"...Little brother, I'm starting to rethink that offer about joining your crew if this is what I get out of it."
by kotszok
Zoro wasn't sure if the sweat pouring off his body was caused simply by exertion, or if it had something to do with the fact that the bench beside the table he was being molested on top of was on fire. The though was short-lived, however, when Sanji hit a particularly sensitive spot and stars exploded before his eyes. The grunt that escaped his throat was less than human and elicited a knowing wink from Ace in Sanji's direction.
Firefist was currently doing what his name suggested. And it definitely had nothing to do with fire, but a lot to do with Robin, who had emerged from her hiding place soon after his arrival.
"Firefist-san, you are most skilled in the a- NNNGH... art of seducing a woman," the archaeologist purred and wiggled around into a more comfortable position. It wasn't enough to satisfy her and she turned twinkling eyes on the man behind her. "Turn up the heat a bit, please, it's getting chilly. Just make sure not to get too fired up, if you get my drift."
"Oh don't worry, I can handle this situation," he chuckled back. And he could, God how he could.
by kotszok
Yasopp lay on top of the pile, wondering when it had gotten so big. He was crushed bewteen Roux and the ceiling and breathing had become difficult.
He craned his neck to see who was at the bottom. Looking past the multitude of pirates and giants and marines (all naked, so it was hard to tell who was who) sandwiched one on top of the other, he could faintly make out a dim figure on the floor, sticking out from under the tower of bodies. A hand barely moving, a face turning purple, a shock of green hair.
Yes, it was the one they called Zoro. Yasopp balanced his own position against the swordsman's and decided he's prefer to be crushed against the ceiling any day.
by kotszok
"Arrrrr, mateys," a voice boomed from the galley door. "What be ye doing?"
A head on a rubbery neck shot out from the pile and Luffy's bright eyes surveyed the visitor.
"Grandpa!" He shouted between throes of giggles. "Come join the fun!"
"Don't mind if I do," the old pirate chortled. He sized up the pile with one keen eye. "Though it looks like yer at a dead end, son! All we have left to do is topple the pieces and start over, har har!"
And so they did. With one randomly placed, swift kick from Gold Roger and Usopp's unfortunate nose on the receiving end.
by kotszok
A black "3" bobbed behind one of the galley portholes. Weasely eyes peered through the dusty glass and observed the orgy within. The man's eyes flashed briefly and then he ducked. Squatting by the wall, Mr. 3 pondered.
"I was sent to slay these pirates... but could I ever pass up such marvellous fun?"
He giggled and scooted inside the galley. So many bodies writhing everywhere! Nobody would notice if he just silently shed his clothes and hopped into the melée...
by kikikun
Later on, when Sanji stared at his bodily-fluid covered kitchen in the most heart-breakingly way possible, Zoro could only wheeze out a laugh, thankful the only downside he received from the affair was a broken rib or two.