Title: Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Author: Kimberly21570
Fandoms: Guiding Light / All My Children
Pairings: Olivia and Natalia / Lena and Bianca
Disclaimer: The characters of Olivia and Emma Spencer, and Natalia and Rafe Rivera are owned by CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble. The characters of Lena Kundera, Bianca Montgomery, Maggie Stone, Alexander Cambias, Jr. and Sr., Zach and Kendall Slater, Ethan Ramsay, and Michael Cambias are owned by All My Children, ABC/Disney and Prospect Park.
No copyright infringement intended with regard to Guiding Light, CBS/TeleNext, Proctor & Gamble, AMC, ABC/Disney, Prospect Park or any other entity. Dialogue, settings, and story content in these scenes are original. Written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply.
There are several places in this update where Bianca flashes back to late October, 2003, as she recalls and relays to Natalia the conversation where she told Lena she wanted to keep her baby. The narratives and dialogue in these sections are excerpts from my ongoing Lianca fic, Restoration. For those of you who are not familiar with All My Children, the events in Lena's history that are revealed in these excerpts are predominantly the workings of my own twisted mind, and not AMC canon. The same is true of the majority of what happened to Bianca after the attack. The only thing in Bianca's story that's canon is the fact that she kept the child. Everything else is my attempt to salvage something good from the glorified mess AMC made of her storyline back then.
Anyway, I digress…
The extensive focus on Lena and Bianca's respective and joint histories in this update is not meant to shift the story away from Otalia, but rather, it serves the purpose of moving Natalia to the place where she needs to be. Once you've read it, I think you'll understand…
Rating: Chapter 9.13 is rated R, I suppose. There's some rather course language in one section. When I rate these things, I think about what I would allow my 14 year-old nephew to read, and this definitely wouldn't be it... Over-protective, much? Perhaps. But I'm not apologizing…
What I will offer apology for is the delay in posting. Life had been an unending series of interruptions since my semester ended, and I can't seem to get anything accomplished! LOL I did finally manage to finish this update this afternoon, so here it is, hot off the presses…
And finally, before I go, just a quick note to wish you all a joyous Holiday Season—whatever it is that you may be celebrating. And to that end: Happy Hanukkah (began December 20 at sundown); Happy Yule/Merry Yuletide (December 21, in Northern Hemisphere); Happy Winter Solstice (December 21 at 11:30 PM Central Standard Time, December 22 via Coordinated Universal Time); Happy Summer/December Solstice (December 22, for those "down under"); Merry Christmas (December 25); and Happy Kwanzaa (begins December 26). Peace! :)
Hope you all enjoy the update…
Kimberly
Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows
Copyright May, 2009
"Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences."
Anonymous
"Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences."
Norman Cousins
Chapter 9.13 – When Past and Present Collide:
Wednesday, April 29, 2009… Martha's Vineyard—7:30 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
The following morning after their run, Olivia and Lena were lounging at the kitchen table. Freshly showered and casually dressed, they looked poised for a lazy morning of coffee and conversation. With the girls still in bed, and nothing pressing on the agenda for the day, they reveled in the opportunity to simply relax.
Reading through the Wall Street Journal, wordlessly, they exchanged sections as they sipped their way through a pot of coffee. And then Lena discovered a story she knew would interest Olivia—one about the rising costs of hotel operations versus the declining demand for accommodations amongst middle-class families, especially those with young children—and the animated conversation began.
They talked about the soaring cost of overhead, and the declining market for mid-range hotel rates, as the gap between socioeconomic classes continued to widen. That led to talks about the downward spiral the economy had taken in recent months, and their mutual concern that it would be a long, hard road back to prosperity; if it ever happened at all.
Bianca moved in close to Natalia, who was busy chopping onions for the omelets they were making for breakfast. "Would you look at those two," she said quietly, a touch of humor in her tone. "They're like two little kids, playing in their own little sandbox."
"I know—" Natalia sighed in resignation. "And it's a sandbox I know nothing about…"
"Yeah, I don't know much about it either," Bianca said, passively; a fact which her mother would be chagrinned to know. But she didn't care about business or finances—that was Lena's world. She was the very best at what she did, and Bianca trusted her wife completely. Rinsing a green pepper under the faucet, Bianca set to dicing it up, as she commented, "I just know that it's getting harder to find benefactors to fund Haven of Hope."
"I still can't believe you handle all that fundraising yourself," Natalia commented. "And on top of your work as a therapist, no less." She sounded beyond impressed.
Bianca shrugged. "Most of it, anyway," she said, brushing it off as nothing. A warm smile graced her lips. "It's a labor of love for the women and their kids."
Natalia glanced at her admiringly. "Those families are blessed to have you on their side."
Shaking her head, Bianca asserted, "I'm the one who's blessed, Natalia. Helping them is just my way of paying those blessings forward."
Every time Natalia thought she couldn't possibly admire Bianca more, somehow the woman managed to prove her wrong. "You're amazing," she said, simply, as she dropped a handful of onions into the bowl.
Grating fresh goat's cheese was next, and rinsing her hands, Natalia set about doing just that, as Bianca denied the assertion, and shifted the focus to other topics.
As their conversation continued, so did the one on the opposite side of the room. Olivia and Lena had moved on to discuss the purchase of the Valley Inn in such a questionable economic climate, and Olivia found herself taken aback by Lena's reasoning.
"You seriously bought an entire hotel just because it was the first place you had sex with your wife?" Olivia sounded incredulous.
"Yes—," Lena answered, unabashedly. "They were going to turn it into an office complex."
"So?"
"So… Bianca and I had standing reservations for room 867, every year, on the anniversary of our first night together," Lena explained.
Olivia barked out a laugh. "Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously," Lena said, tersely. Her eyebrows furrowed, marking her annoyance. "Why the hell is that so funny?"
All Olivia could do was laugh; completely unaware that someday very soon the laugh would totally be on her…
Wednesday, April 29, 2009… The Cottage—8:30 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
"She's so wonderful," Natalia said, admiringly, as Lena slipped through the back door, leaving the two of them to their conversation on the deck. They had just finished enjoying a leisurely breakfast, and Lena had offered herself and Olivia up for kitchen detail.
"I couldn't agree more." Bianca smiled. "God blessed me with the most incredible partner, Natalia." Now that they had gotten to the root of Natalia's concerns, Bianca felt more at ease about sharing her own story. It was simply her sharing with a friend, rather than feeling clinical in nature. "She was right there for me—supportive, encouraging, protective, understanding, through things that would've sent a great many others packing."
Natalia looked upon Bianca with eyes of compassion. "Tell me about it?" The gentle tone in her voice invited the younger woman to continue.
Bianca's conversation with Olivia the afternoon prior had brought those memories to the forefront, and now, on the heels of Natalia's request, her thoughts drifted back to the first time Lena had come to visit her on the Vineyard. It was late October, 2003…
It had been three months since the rape. And after a week of getting reacquainted, Maggie suggested that it was time for them to really talk. Reluctantly, Bianca agreed it was time to share her feelings with Lena, and tell her about the baby. She hoped and prayed that her worst fears weren't about to come true.
Alone in the cottage for the first time since Lena's arrival, the two of them were a bit more cautious of one another, apprehensive, as Bianca approached Lena to talk.
"Lena," she called, hesitantly, as she approached the sofa to sit near her. "Do you think we could talk for a while, y'know, about... well—everything?"
"Of course, Sweetheart," Lena replied, nodding her head in agreement. "That's why I'm here… I was just waiting for you to decide the time was right."
Bianca shifted nervously on the sofa; folding one of her long, slender legs up underneath her, as she reached for one of the throw pillows. Restless, not wanting to feel too exposed, too soon, she used it to guard her abdomen, as though Lena might be able to see right through her; to see the baby growing inside. Afraid that Lena might see the truth and run away from the intensity of it all. Leaving her alone, longing for a future that would never be theirs.
"Lena," she began tentatively, "My behavior towards you has been… well, it's been reprehensible, and I want you to know how truly sorry I am," she acknowledged apologetically; shame etched on her face. Her deepest regret was the fact that she had pushed Lena away after the rape, rather than allowing their mutual pain to draw them closer.
"Bianca, you don't need to apologize," Lena assured. "I understand what you were going through."
"No, Lena," Bianca countered, "I do need to apologize. I need to explain my actions; to explain what I was going through at the time. Will you allow me to do that?"
"Of course," Lena swiftly agreed. "I would never deny you anything." Truer words had never been spoken, and though Bianca didn't yet know it, Lena would prove that over and over throughout their lifetime together.
Bianca drew in a deep breath and began, "When I left you in our room that morning, I was feeling so many things, Lena… Things that I just wasn't ready to deal with at the time." She paused for a moment, let out a sigh, and continued, "I didn't want to deal with the reality of what he had done to me; to us. I wanted us to be the way we used to be… and I knew that we couldn't—at least not then."
"So, are you saying you think we could be… now?" Lena asked hopefully.
"I want us to be," Bianca replied honestly. "But it's going to take some time. Maybe a lot of time. I don't know right now; don't know how much I can handle."
"That's okay, Sweetheart," Lena responded; hope renewed. It was everything she wanted to hear. "We'll take as long as you need. All I need to know is that you want to try. That will be enough to hold on to, until you're ready for more."
"Lena," Bianca hesitated, drawing in a breath before continuing, "There's something that I need to tell you… before you make up your mind about wanting a future with me. I need to tell you what happened the day you and Maggie first found me in the hotel room… the day we had that dreadful argument. I need to tell you about seeing Michael that morning."
"Bianca, you don't need to relive all of that for my sake. I assure you, I know everything I need to know… and more than anything, I want a future with you." Lena emphasized exactly what she wanted.
"No, Lena," Bianca argued. "I do have to relive it. At least part of it, because it's going to profoundly impact my future, our future… if we still have one."
Lena relented, realizing this was obviously something Bianca needed to do; something she needed to share, with her. "Okay, Sweetheart," she replied. "Go ahead. I'm listening. Just remember, if this gets to be too much for you, then stop. I'll understand."
Bianca nodded her head in understanding, looked down at her hands that were fiddling with the ruffles on the throw pillow, and began, "I was in an emotional tailspin that day—the day we had the argument, because I had left the hotel that morning, for the first time since… well, since you brought me home from the hospital. And while I was out, I—I saw… Michael."
The sense of fear she had experienced that day returned to her as she continued; tears filling her eyes, "I was so frightened when I saw him, Lena," she admitted, as the tears began to fall. "I tried to hide, but he found me, huddled behind a display case. I—I tried to escape," she said, her voice inundated with agitation and fear. "He pulled me close to him, only inches away from his eyes; eyes so dark… so cold… and angry. He stared me down… and whispered in my ear, 'No wonder Lena wants you so much. You're one hell of a good fuck. Thanks for the memories, Doll'," she relayed; venom spewing forth from her voice; sounding just like him. "God, Lena," she cried, dropping her head into her hands, "I'll never be rid of the sound of his voice."
The mere memory of the man's rancor, even as she recounted the story for Natalia all these years later, made Bianca involuntarily shudder in fear.
Deeply concerned, Natalia reached over, gently touching Bianca's arm, as she inquired as to whether or not her friend was all right.
And Bianca offered a wan smile in response, as wordlessly, she nodded her head. Her thoughts were still anchored in the past, and she remembered the sense of safety she felt, as Lena moved closer to her. Drawing her into a comforting embrace, Lena gently rocked her as she attempted to calm her. "Shhh… Sweetheart," she had whispered. "It's over now. You don't need to say any more."
Bianca pulled back a bit, to look into those dark, expressive eyes, "No, Lena," she argued through tears. "There's more that you need to know. Something important. And I need to tell you—now."
Understanding where their conversation was leading and wanting to make it as painless as possible for Bianca, Lena asked, "Why did you leave the hotel that day, Bianca? Where were you when you saw Michael?"
"I went to the drugstore… to buy a—" her words trailed off as uncertainty washed over her. Fearful that her next words would bring any possibility of a future with Lena to a crashing halt, she simply sobbed, unable to finish her thought.
"To buy a pregnancy test," Lena knowingly finished for her, as she drew Bianca closer to her and tightened her hold. "I know about the baby, Bianca, and it's okay," she whispered reassuringly.
"How, Lena?" Bianca asked between sobs. "How do you know? Did Maggie tell you? I asked her not t—"
"No, Sweetheart. Maggie didn't tell me," Lena replied reassuringly. "She would never betray your trust. And neither would I," she advised. "I found the positive test, the day I found you half-conscious on the hotel room floor. You must have dropped it when you collapsed."
"Lena, I was such a mess that day," Bianca admitted. "Thank you for finding me." Tightening her grip on Lena, she enjoyed the safety of her embrace. "I know I wasn't acting very appreciative at the time, but I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't been there."
"All the 'What Ifs' don't matter now, Bianca. I was there for you that day, just like I'm here for you now, and will be here for you for the rest of our lives, if you'll allow me to be," Lena assured, as she held Bianca close and gently kissed her temple.
Bianca's emotionally exhausted mind slowly began to process the meaning of Lena's words. She's known about the baby all along, and she took care of me, looked out for me—sent me here with Maggie. She still wants to be with me, she realized; amazed at Lena's endless capacity to love her.
And that was only the beginning of the myriad ways in which Lena was there for her as the healing process began. As her thoughts returned to the present, Bianca explained to Natalia, "She helped me in ways I didn't even know about at the time, despite her own lingering pain over the things Michael had done to her in the past."
Natalia offered a nod of comprehension. "Olivia said he was a soulless monster." There was conviction in her tone.
"He is," Bianca adamantly confirmed. "He did unspeakable things to her, Natalia. Things that I don't think I could've ever gotten past. And yet, she did; and honestly, I think she's stronger for having endured it all." She sounded so proud of her wife.
"I can't even fathom anything worse than what he did to you," Natalia said, empathically.
"Trust me, Natalia, you don't want to fathom them," Bianca cautioned.
And then, recalling Olivia's words once again, Natalia gasped, as she pressed her fingertips to her mouth. "Oh, my God… Olivia said he was a rapist, and… a baby killer." Exhaled on an anguished moan, Natalia's final two words drew tears from Bianca's eyes.
"So… how did your pitch for a Jacuzzi go last night?" Lena asked Olivia, as they worked to restore the kitchen to its' pre-breakfast state. "Did you demonstrate some of those perks for Natalia after we went to bed?" Her tone was lighthearted, teasing.
Olivia was thankful for the warmth of the kitchen; it hid the slight flush that colored her cheeks. "Let's just say, I made some progress…" She offered a roguish grin, and prayed that Lena wouldn't push for details.
"Go, Spence!" Lena cheered, drawing a light laugh from the hotelier.
"Actually, I slipped it in along with several other ideas I have for the farmhouse," Olivia admitted. She smiled, remembering the suggestion she had made about building an efficiency apartment for Rafe in the space above the garage. She thought it would give him more privacy, and allow him some semblance of independence, without cutting him off from his family, his home. Natalia loved the idea, and the kisses Olivia had received in response had more than proven it.
Lena arched an eyebrow. "I take it from the look on your face, the suggestions were well received."
"Like I said, I made some progress," Olivia replied, with a smirk.
"That's really all I'm getting out of you, huh?"
"Yup," Olivia answered, popping the 'p'. "Now hand me those plates, and let's get this show on the road."
Lena chuckled at Olivia's bossiness, and did as she was told. But not without first asking, "Will you at least tell me about your suggestions?"
"Sure," Olivia shrugged. She accepted the stack of plates, and then spent the next thirty minutes sharing her ideas with Lena, as they finished rinsing the dishes, loaded them in the dishwasher, and settled in for another cup of coffee.
Pressing her elbows into her knees, Bianca buried her face in her hands. Silently, she fought for composure, even as her thoughts returned again to the day she told Lena she was pregnant—and the gut-wrenching revelation that had followed from her partner…
"Lena," Bianca began timidly, "What would you say if I told you that I want to keep my baby?" She was fearful, uncertain of Lena's reaction.
Lena drew back and took Bianca's face in her hands, squeezing tightly, as she insisted, "Bianca, you must do what your heart tells you to do. This is your decision. Yours alone! Do you understand me?"
Moving from the sofa, Lena paced anxiously, as Bianca attempted to argue, "Lena, this will affect your life too. I need to know how you—"
She interrupted Bianca's argument, stating again, this time more adamantly, "NO! This is your choice, Bianca. I would never take away your freedom to choose…" She choked back tears, and continued, "To choose the destiny of your own child," she sobbed as she stared blankly out at the vastness of the ocean; wishing it would engulf her and rid her of the memories she had kept hidden away for so many years.
Bianca stared at Lena, watching her entire body tremble as she cried. She walked up behind her, wrapping her arms around Lena's waist and pulling her tight against her own body, as she rested her head against Lena's shoulder. "Tell me what's going on, Baby," she whispered, instinctively knowing there was far more to this than just her own situation.
"It's nothing, Bianca," Lena replied, waving her arm in the air, attempting to avoid any further meandering down this particular path, lest she come unglued and cause Bianca more anguish.
"I know better than that, Lena," Bianca countered. "I know you well enough to know that you don't get this worked up over 'nothing'. Why are you so adamant about this being my choice; and my choice alone? I need to know how you feel about raising his child with me," she insisted.
Realizing that Bianca wouldn't stand for being put off, Lena insisted again, "No, Bianca. I won't take away your choice... the way he took my choice away from me," she sobbed.
Bianca released her hold on Lena; gently tugging her shoulder to turn her around. "What do you mean he took your choice away from you?" she asked; confusion weighing on her mind. "Please—tell me what you're talking about," she insisted.
Lena turned again, to stare out at the ocean; disappearing inside her shell, the way she often did in times of great inner turmoil. She knew she needed to tell Bianca the truth about the past, her past with Michael, but she was overwhelmed with a sense of concern, not wanting to cause Bianca more pain, especially in light of their already tumultuous situation.
Bracing her heart for the inevitable onslaught of emotions that she instinctively knew would arise from the imminent conversation, Lena drew in a deep breath. And then, exhaling slowly, she began to share the details about her past; about how she became the woman she was before she met and fell in love with Bianca.
"Bianca, there are things about my life, my past, that I've never shared with you. Some of them because I never wanted you to know what a despicable person I was before I met you; and… some of them, because they are just too painful to live through again. What I'm about to share with you is the single most painful thing that has ever happened to me. It's nothing in comparison to what you've been through, but it changed me in ways that I'm just now beginning to realize."
She paused for a moment, turning to face Bianca once again, as tears welled up in her eyes at the memories that were invading her mind. She reached out, taking Bianca's hand and silently led her back to the sofa before continuing her story.
Bianca sat down next to her, folding one leg up underneath herself again, and watched her intently; waiting for her to begin again.
Concentrating on her hands, Lena twisted them in her lap, as she searched for the proper place to begin. "I met Michael Cambias when I was seventeen years old," she prefaced, before moving further back in time. "When I was only fifteen, my mother and I managed to escape the hold of the Communist Regime in Poland. I'll never forget the day we escaped, it was the fall of 1989; just prior to the collapse of the Regime," she said as her mind wandered off on a tangent.
Reminding herself of the reason for sharing this story, she returned to the important details. "Anyway, we fled to London to try to build a new life. We struggled for two years; trying to make ends meet. Mama was a seamstress and I was still in school, trying to keep my grades up—education was crucial in my parent's opinion—while working at whatever dead-end job I could find at the time. We were at the point of desperation when I met Michael. He was older, almost ten years older actually; rich, powerful, and charming."
She paused again, gathering the strength to continue, as Bianca watched her closely, taking in every word as it was spoken.
"He was quite taken with me and he befriended us; offering to help us—if I would be willing to help him in return." Lena's struggle was apparent as she continued, "Bianca," she said, shaking her head in shame, "If only I had known then, what I know now, I would have run, far away from him. But I was so young and so naïve," she explained; discontent teeming in her voice. "He offered me a chance for an education—at the University of Oxford in London. Bianca, with that kind of opportunity within my reach, I just couldn't turn it down. It meant a chance for a real future—for me, and for Mama. I knew I was smart enough to make it, I just needed the financial backing, and Michael was willing to provide that backing." Her voice filled with regret as she continued, "If only I had known the price I would ultimately pay for my education..."
Bianca's heart ached for Lena as she listened to the story of Lena as a young woman—a woman not unlike herself, who had unknowingly become entangled with the likes of the loathsome Michael Cambias.
Reluctantly, Lena continued, lest she lose her resolve, "Anyway, I soon learned that part of my 'repayment' plan to Michael basically involved being a high class 'call girl' for him, when one of his client's required a little 'entertainment' or 'persuasion,' if you will." She dropped her head in shame, as she continued, "It also involved having sex with him—whenever he wanted something to use; something to mop up his need. I didn't want to, Bianca—I swear to you. I never wanted to sleep with any of them—especially him." She left out the fact that her physical relationship with him had not been consensual in the beginning—she felt that was too much to share, given what he had done to Bianca. The onslaught of emotions she had expected now threatened to overtake her and she paused, attempting to ward it off.
Bianca watched her struggling for control and offered, "Lena, if this is too much for you, we can stop. You don't have to tell me any more. I won't push you. I promise."
"No, Sweetheart," Lena answered, her voice barely a whisper. "I need to finish. I need you to know the truth."
Bianca nodded her understanding and allowed Lena time to collect her thoughts before she continued. "About midway through my sophomore year at Oxford..." Lena's voice turned to whispers, "I learned that I was pregnant, with Michael's child." She drew in a breath and exhaled in a sob.
"Oh, my God," Bianca uttered, as the stunning revelation struck her right through the heart. She sat, frozen, as she waited for Lena to regain her composure.
"When I told him, he was furious. He screamed at me, telling me I was stupid... calling me a whore... and a liar. He accused me of trying to trap him, of trying to get my hands on his fortune, by passing off the child of one of my 'clients'—his clients—as a Cambias. Bianca, the child was his—I swear it," she sobbed.
Unshed tears suddenly spilled over the rims of Bianca's eyes as she quickly moved to embrace Lena, attempting to offer her comfort, yet instinctively knowing that true comfort would be a long time coming. "What happened to your child, Lena?" she asked; fearful of the answer she already knew she would receive.
"He ordered me to have an abortion," Lena cried. "And when I refused, he—he showed me who was boss."
"What do you mean?" Bianca sounded wary, as anger stirred up inside her.
"Michael is a very powerful man, Bianca. A dangerous one. No one tells him 'no' without suffering the dire consequences of their decision. He is rich enough to be able to buy his way out of anything. He took me to an unscrupulous physician—one he could easily pay off. I struggled with the two of them, tried to get away, but I was no match for them," Lena mournfully acknowledged; attempting to retain control of her emotions. "I lost the battle—and ultimately the war. At Michael's insistence, the physician drugged me and aborted my child, without my consent." She sobbed; losing control, as she gasped for air. "That's why... that's why the decision has to be yours and yours alone, Sweetheart," she explained. "I would never take that choice away from you."
Lena's body convulsed from her sobs. She was engulfed in the torrent of pent-up emotions as they were finally released; freeing her from years of unexpressed grief over the loss of her unborn child.
"When it was over," she sobbed, "after I woke up, he was sitting next to me; that self-satisfied smirk on his face. And he said to me," she paused to take in a gulp of air before revealing the vileness of his words, "he said, 'If you ever try this again, I won't just punish you by killing your little bastard—I'll kill you too. You are nothing to me but an easy piece of ass—the company whore. You're of no value to me if men don't want to fuck you.' Then he walked out the door, leaving me alone to suffer the consequences of my attempt to disobey his orders."
"My God, Lena," Bianca whispered through her tears, as she rocked Lena back and forth. "I'm so sorry, Baby," she sobbed. "So sorry for all he put you through."
Lena choked back more tears as she continued to share. "I would have loved my child, Bianca," she stated, without a trace of doubt. "I would have given anything for her... the way Mama did for me. But I never had the chance," she said, regretfully; voice filling with tears once again. "When he took her away from me, something changed, Bianca—something deep inside of me. I stopped allowing myself to feel—love didn't exist for me. My heart withered up and died. I buried it, right along with the hopes and dreams I had for my child, my future."
"Your heart didn't die, Lena," Bianca assured, as she pulled the woman she loved closer to her. "It's alive and well; fully capable of love. I should know, because it chose to love me, beyond all reason."
Lena paused for a minute, listening to Bianca and collecting her thoughts before continuing, "At that moment, I believed all I was ever meant to be was the Cambias Company Whore, so I decided, right then and there, that I would become the best company whore that ever lived. I think my past accomplishments proved me to be quite proficient at my calling," she said, sardonically.
Changing her tone, she continued, "Then I met you," she said, softly. "Your love breathed new life into my empty soul, Bianca. It brought my heart to life for the very first time," she admitted openly. "Until I met you, no one had ever loved me completely, without reservation. No one except my parents had ever loved me at all."
Bianca pulled back, cupping Lena's face in her hands, looking into her eyes. "You'll never be without love again, Lena. I promise," she vowed, as she kissed Lena's cheek and drew her close again.
Lena clung to her, knowing it was her turn to hold on to love, to save her life…
"He stole so much from her, Natalia, and she had worked so hard to break free of the hold he had on her," Bianca said through her tears, after relaying the story to Natalia. Even all these years later, the memory of Lena telling her the story broke Bianca's heart. Lena had said that what Michael did to her was nothing in comparison to what he had done to Bianca; but Bianca vehemently disagreed. He had only stolen a few months from her, because Lena had been there to help her reclaim her life; their life. But he had stolen years from Lena's young life, and the repercussions had followed her in ways she wouldn't even realize for more than a decade after the fact.
Tears streaming down her own cheeks, Natalia barely managed to say, "I didn't fully comprehend what Olivia meant, until now…"
"Uh-oh!" There was humor in Lena's tone as she peered down at her youngest child, who just happened to be covered, head to toe, in baby powder. Jordan had rushed into the kitchen only moments earlier, reporting the incident that led to her baby sister's current state of disarray.
Alexandria clapped her hands, as she let out an excited giggle, causing a plume of powder to rise in the air.
Lena laughed, and crouched down, lifting the child from the floor. Shaking her off as best she could, she pulled Alex close. "We need to get you cleaned up before Mommy sees you—or we'll both be in big trouble," she said, amusingly emphasizing the pluralities in that statement.
She knew she was the overly permissive parent to Bianca's role as disciplinarian, and she was thankful to her wife for understanding her need to indulge their children, even in mischief, on occasion.
As she carried Alex into the master bathroom to hose her down for the second time that morning, she felt hot tears stinging her eyes at the memory of her conversation with Jordan that February afternoon, when Olivia had called her office.
"Hey, Mój Mały!" Lena had greeted; chuckling at her daughter's endless exuberance. She scooped the little girl up into her arms; a contented sigh escaping her lungs, as petite arms wrapped round her neck, hugging her with all the might a four-year-old could muster. "I missed you all day long…" she whispered against her daughter's cheek; repeating the words she said to Jordan when returning home from work every evening.
"I missed you too, Mama…" Jordan said, sweetly; pecking her mother on the cheek.
When Jordan released her hold, she plopped down in Lena's lap. "Why you all the time call me Mój Mały?" she asked in four-year-old speak; curiosity doing the calypso in those big brown eyes.
Lena looked up, meeting Bianca's gaze for a moment; then smiled down at their daughter. "It means 'Little One' in Polish, and you were the very first little one I was able to hold…" she explained softly. She tapped Jordan on the nose to stave off her emotions; thoughts of the child that had been taken from her so many years ago, never far from her heart.
Indeed Jordan had been the first little one Lena was ever allowed to hold, and it had bonded the two together in a way that surpassed even the bond that Bianca had with their firstborn; despite the fact that she was Jordan's birthmother. And though Lena's bond with Jordan was beyond close, her love for Alexandria was never any less; nor would be her love for their future children. Their babies were literally living, breathing miracles to her, and she didn't care how messy they were, or how much they acted up. She only cared that she could hold them close, and love them without reservation.
She didn't tend to dwell in the past—she had far too much to treasure in the present. But in those moments when the past made a transient visit, she counted it an opportunity to take stock of her life. She supposed it was the recent news of her pregnancy that triggered memories of the distant past; and she was willing to suffer them, armed with the peace that came with knowing that the child she carried was safe from harm.
Smiling through her tears, Lena peppered playful little kisses all over Alexandria's powdery cheek. "I love you, my Little Mess," she said, fondly.
"I Bear!" Alex squealed adamantly through her giggles, drawing a hearty laugh from her mother.
"Okay, okay, you're Mama's Messy Little Bear," Lena quickly relented. "Is that better?"
Alexandria responded with another giggle, accompanied by that partially toothless grin. And counting all her blessings, lightheartedly, Lena laughed again.
Nodding, Bianca sniffed back more tears, as Natalia wiped away a steady stream of her own. A momentary silence fell between them, and they were both thankful for the companionable rhythmic din of the ocean that so effortlessly filled the void.
Natalia could not even fathom a heart so cold that it could commit such a heinous crime against another human being. Her heart simply couldn't comprehend that such evil could exist in the world. And yet, here she was, sitting across from a woman who had experienced it, not only firsthand, but also vicariously through the experiences of the woman she loved. She honestly wondered how it was that the two of them hadn't been irrevocably shattered. Again, it made her personal situation feel like a pittance, by comparison; as somewhere in the distance, she heard Bianca's voice reaching her again.
"I wouldn't have blamed her for not wanting to walk back into his line of fire," Bianca was murmuring, as she broke through the silence.
It drew Natalia out of her own thoughts, and her focus snapped, immediately returning to Bianca's story.
"But she didn't just walk back into it, she rushed in with guns blazing," Bianca was saying, as she recalled the lengths to which her wife had gone to protect her and Jordan from Michael's malevolent grasp.
And with that reminder, Bianca's thoughts drifted back to her ongoing conversation with Lena, that day on the Vineyard, so long ago…
As Bianca held Lena close to her, she pondered over all that Lena had shared with her; mentally forming a time-line of sorts. Realizing the possibility, the uncanny coincidence, she knew she had to verify her supposition.
"Lena?" Bianca's voice was barely a whisper.
"Hmmm?" Lena replied; sensing the question in Bianca's voice.
Bianca pulled away, placing her hands on Lena's upper arms, looking her directly in the eyes. "When he did this to you," she paused for a moment, hoping she wasn't correct. "When this happened, you were my age, weren't you?" she said, more a statement than a question.
Lena nodded her admission, "Yes, Bianca. I was nineteen when he got me pregnant and..." She allowed her words to trail off, not wanting to speak the ugly reality another time.
Sensing where Bianca was going with this line of questioning, she sought to help her understand. "Sweetheart, just because we were the same age when he hurt us, doesn't mean that things can't be different for you."
"Michael has more money now, more power than he did back then," Bianca argued. "What's to stop him from coming after me? Trying to steal my child, the way he did yours?"
Lena took Bianca's hands into her own, squeezing them tightly in an effort to seal the conviction of what she was about to say. "There's nothing we can do to stop him from trying," she admitted. "The difference is, I have money now; enough to protect you and the baby. If he tries, we'll fight him, together. And we'll win," she assured.
And fight him, Lena had, Bianca recalled with a thankful smile, as she finished relaying that part of their story to Natalia. She told Natalia about Michael's attempt to gain custody of Jordan not long after she was born. And then she laughed, as she relayed the details of how Lena had managed, with Alexander's help, to take over Cambias Industries, leaving Michael penniless, before threatening to go to the authorities with proof of his involvement in Alex's death, if he ever came near them again. Fearing the death penalty, that threat had halted Michael in his tracks.
It was then that Natalia fully understood the importance of Alex's alias; and she said as much to Bianca.
Nodding, Bianca confirmed the accuracy of Natalia's comments. "Every day, he continues to sacrifice his identity, his birthright, to protect all of us." There was fondness in her tone as she acknowledged all that he had given up for them.
"Olivia and their son, now included," Natalia quietly recognized.
"Yes—now that he knows about his son, Zach will always be mindful of him," Bianca assured. She had been surprised to learn of the boy's existence, and she worried about how Kendall was handling the news. From the conversation she had with her sister the previous evening, things didn't sound very promising. But that was Kendall's business, not hers, and she trusted her sister to handle it with the strength of Kane woman, as she always had in the past.
Brushing her concerns aside, her thoughts returned to Zach. "But he doesn't see it as a sacrifice. He doesn't care about power or the Cambias fortune. He just wants to be with Kendall, and raise his boys, and be as much a part of the girls' lives as he can, without crossing our agreed-upon boundaries."
Mulling over Bianca's comments, Natalia said, "So you think he'll keep his word to Olivia, and leave Ethan alone." It sounded like a statement, but there was a hint of question in her tone.
"Zach is an honorable man, Natalia," Bianca assured. "You can count on him keeping his word."
"That's good to know," Natalia commented. She found the reassurance that Olivia had nothing to fear, soothing. She smiled at Bianca then. "Tell me more of your story," she gently prodded.
"Really?" Bianca sounded surprised.
Natalia gave an enthusiastic nod. "It's the most compelling story I've ever heard."
Bianca blushed under Natalia's thoughtful gaze. "I could say the same of yours…" she countered.
Grinning, Natalia rejoined, "Then it's only fair that I get to hear it in its entirety…"
Smiling, Bianca agreed.
Once Alexandria had been bathed and dressed in clean clothes, Lena carried her back into the girls' room. She was surprised to see that all evidence the powder escapade had disappeared. A subtle inquiry of the girls provided confirmation that Olivia had been busy in her absence. She was grateful for her friend's assistance.
Depositing the child in a pile of toys on the floor, Lena issued a directive to Jordan to keep a better eye on her baby sister.
Sheepishly, Jordan agreed, promising her Mama that she wouldn't let the baby make another mess.
Chuckling softly, Lena thanked the conscientious child. She knew Jordan would do her very best to keep her word. But she also knew Alexandria well enough to know that it was a promise Jordan couldn't possibly keep—even if she had eyes in the back of her head. But that was okay with her. She was more concerned about the baby's safety, than any mess she might make.
Gently, she kissed the crown of Jordan's head, thanking her for being such a good helper. And then, with a loving pat to Emma's shoulder, she exited the room.
Returning to the kitchen, Lena found Olivia again, and after a word of thanks for her help, they fell easily into their earlier discussion about the hotel business. This time, the conversation ran far deeper, and before they knew it, there was far more brewing in that kitchen than a third pot of coffee…
As she considered Natalia's request, Bianca's thoughts returned, one final time, to the heart-to-heart talk she and Lena had had that day on the Vineyard—the day Lena shared her deepest-held secret, and told her how much she wanted the baby.
Her fears now conquered by Lena's commitment to stand by her side, Bianca relaxed. Lena's money wasn't what she needed. She had plenty of her own. It was the offered promise of fighting for this child, and for their future—together—that drew Bianca to her. She gently cupped Lena's cheek and brushed her thumb across the silky flesh, losing herself in the depth of Lena's eyes as she whispered, "Thank you, Lena, for standing by me when I was so lost. And thank you for trusting me, for sharing your story with me, for not treating me like some fragile porcelain doll."
She leaned forward, removing her hand from Lena's cheek and replacing it with a chaste kiss. "I love you, Lena," she whispered, as she turned to lean her back against Lena's chest. Melting into open arms, she allowed Lena to truly hold her; feeling as though she could finally breathe again—for the first time in months.
Lena closed her eyes, reveling in the sheer joy of feeling Bianca's body melting so effortlessly into her own. "Bianca, he stole my child from me, and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I understand that I'm not to blame for that," she admitted. "But I allowed him to steal the last ten years of my life, when I cut myself off from my feelings and my emotions. And for that, I am completely to blame. I wasted those years; squandered them away," she said, regret echoing in her voice. "I'm glad you've decided not to follow me down that path. It only leads to loneliness and heartache and I never want you to feel that kind of emptiness again."
"I won't, Lena. Not anymore. Not as long as I have you," Bianca assured. "And Lena," she continued, "Those years weren't wasted at all," she stated firmly; shaking her head to solidify her conviction. "The things that happened during those years are the very things that led you to Pine Valley, and straight into my arms."
Bianca's words touched a place in Lena's soul that she never knew existed. Those words allowed Lena the freedom to accept the mistakes of her past as just that: mistakes. They allowed her to know that those mistakes, however bad they may have been, had shaped her into the woman she had become; the woman Bianca loved. They allowed her to move beyond the past, and into the future with the one her heart so desperately loved. Her emotions sought to overwhelm her as she wrapped her arms around Bianca's midriff, slowly running her hand across the place where the child grew. "Bianca," she whispered softly, sharing the desire of her heart, "I want... I want, more than anything, to raise this child with you. I want to fill my life with the two of you; to live only for you and your child."
Bianca melted deeper into Lena's arms, as tears of relief and endless joy began to fall. "That's what I want too, Lena," she whispered in return.
Lena reached her hand up to tuck a wayward piece of Bianca's hair behind her ear. "Kocham Cię, Bianca. Always," she whispered, telling Bianca how deeply she loved her, as she gently kissed her cheek.
Reveling in the sound of those familiar words, Bianca silently vowed to never take them for granted; to never allow them to become commonplace in her heart.
Lena thoughtfully moved her hand across Bianca's abdomen again, and whispered, "Kocham Cię, Baby Kane."
Bianca giggled, unsure of whether it was from the tickle she felt as Lena's fingers danced across her belly, or from the silly little nickname Lena had given to the baby. Deciding it was a mixture of the two, she chose one as her focus and asked, "Why did you choose that nickname for the baby?"
Lena considered the question for a moment; then responded, "Because the Kane women are the strongest women I've ever met in my entire life. I mean, look at all of you," she said, her voice full of awe. "Your mother has lived through so much heartache, so many struggles, and she remains so strong and vibrant; and she manages to run the Enchantment Empire with relative ease. Kendall sets her sights on what she wants and doesn't give up until she gets it. Hell, she even managed to get you to forgive her after all she did to you in the past." She paused, gathering her final thoughts. "Then there's you, Bianca. You are the strongest of them all, My Love. I stand in complete awe of you, every single day; Amazed at your incredible strength of character, your endless capacity to love without reservation," she praised; her heart swelling with love and admiration. "Your daughter, Bianca, she's a Kane too, and no doubt she will grow up to be just as strong, if not stronger, than the three of you."
"Why are you so certain this child is a girl?" Bianca asked; curiosity getting the best of her.
"The same way I knew that my child was a girl. And the same way I always know when you need me," she answered. "I feel it in my soul. The first time I ever felt a connection like this was when I learned I was pregnant," she explained. "After she was gone from me, I never felt it again—until I met you. That's why I never gave up on you, on us. That's how I knew you were The One…"
Pulling herself back to the present once again, Bianca drew in a deep breath, and released it slowly, shaking off the vestiges of the past, as she finished that chapter of their story. "Anyway," she mused softly, "that was the beginning our long and winding journey toward restoration."
"And all of that happened right here in this house." More statement, than question, Natalia's voice was filled with awe, as she processed all that Bianca had shared with her.
"Yeah—" Delivered on a soft sigh, there was a peaceful warmth to Bianca's tone. "This is the place where we fell in love all over again. Lena gave it to me as a gift on our first Christmas together—it was to be our refuge from whatever storms come our way," she shared.
Grinning, she added, "She never has told me how much she paid for it, which tells me she paid far too much." There was a touch of humor in her tone, and it made Natalia smile. Olivia would be the same way, she was certain.
And then Bianca's voice grew softer, as she shared more of their story, "This is where we made love again, for the first time after…"
She didn't need to say more, Natalia understood.
Gently, Natalia squeezed Bianca's arm. It surprised her, the level of comfort she felt in listening to Bianca share such intimate things.
The gesture urged Bianca to continue. "It was New Year's Eve that same year, and Lena had just asked me to marry her." The sweet memory of that beautiful night was forever emblazoned upon her soul. She paused for a moment, remembering their journey, "She was so patient with me all those months—never got angry, no matter how times I freaked out on her, stopping her when we were right on the brink of lovemaking."
It wasn't lost on Natalia, the inverted parallel that existed between their lives. Circumstances may have been different, but the resulting struggles were similar, and it made her feel connected to these women in a way she never experienced before.
And then, the emotions of that day washed over Bianca, and hot tears stung dark eyes. "After months of frustrating starts and stops—all of them my fault," she wholly admitted, "she had no guarantee, whatsoever, that we would ever share that kind of intimacy again, and still, she was willing to make that commitment to me."
Just thinking about Lena's willingness to sacrifice something so vital, suffused Bianca's entire being with warmth. "Knowing that she would commit her life to mine, without any expectation that our physical intimacy would ever deepen again, turned out to be exactly what I needed to start reclaiming that part of our relationship."
And then, blushing from all that she had revealed, she reached for her abandoned mug of coffee. The movement created a momentary distraction. "Gosh, I'm sorry, Natalia. I don't know how we managed to get so far off topic."
"Please, don't apologize," Natalia replied quietly. "You've helped me in far more ways than you even realize. Thank you for sharing your story with me."
"Thank you for listening," Bianca said, softly. "I hadn't planned to reveal quite so much," she said, sheepishly. She had never had an issue talking openly about sex. In fact, it was something she talked, and even joked about often, with Kendall and Maggie. But she had never offered such intimate details, especially not about the emotional side of the physical intimacy she and Lena shared. This was new territory for her, and she hoped it wasn't too overwhelming for Natalia. "I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable."
"Not at all." Natalia's soft smile offered assurance that her words were truth.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Bianca took a sip of the lukewarm liquid in her mug. And then she made a face, and swiftly returned the mug to the table.
Natalia released a soft chuckle. "Can I offer you a refill?"
Bianca smiled. "If the two of them haven't drained the pot," she teased, tipping her head toward the back door.
"Let's go check," Natalia suggested. "It's best not to leave them alone for too long anyway. Who knows what they're cooking up in there…"
"Truer words…" Bianca's grin spoke the story of lessons learned, as she and Natalia made their way into the house in search of their partners.
And Olivia and Lena certainly didn't disappoint. By the time Natalia and Bianca found them, Beacon Global Resorts Corporation, BGRC, as it would come to be known—a fusion of their respective hotel businesses, and ultimately, their lives—had been tentatively formed, and the two entrepreneurs were excitedly talking about plans for expansion.
TBC…