Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows Chapter 9 PastPresent Collide Part XVI, a guiding light fanfic

Title: Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows

Author: Kimberly21570

Fandoms: Guiding Light / All My Children

Pairings: Olivia and Natalia / Lena and Bianca

Disclaimer: The characters of Olivia and Emma Spencer, Natalia and Rafe Rivera, Jeffrey O'Neill, Father Ray Santos, and Frank Cooper are owned by CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble. The characters of Lena Kundera, Bianca Montgomery, and Michael Cambias are owned by All My Children, ABC/Disney and Prospect Park.

No copyright infringement intended with regard to Guiding Light, CBS/TeleNext, Proctor & Gamble, AMC, ABC/Disney, Prospect Park, or any other entity. Dialogue, settings, and story content in these scenes are original, with the exception of some dialogue from episodes that aired on 2.3.2009, 4.2.2009, 4.23.2009, 5.4.2009, and 5.11.2009, and the brief mention of storyline content from episodes that aired on 12.24.2008, 1.16.2009, 1.19.2009, and 2.5.2009. Written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply.

Just an FYI: This update weaves back and forth between the past and the present. As such, I have continued to include dates, times, and locations in an attempt to organize the flow of the scenes, and hopefully, avoid confusion. If ever there is a section that doesn't make sense, please don't hesitate to ask.

Rating: Chapter 9.16 is rated R for strong language and sexual content.

I sincerely apologize for the delay in posting. My classes this semester are totally kicking my ass! My hope is that the length of the update—57 jam-backed pages—will make up for the extreme delay. It isn't proofed—I've kept you all waiting far too long as it is—and all mistakes and inconsistencies are my own. As always, thank you all for your lovely comments, and for continuing on this journey with me and our Girls. Also, my sincere thanks to those of you who took the time to leave me such lovely birthday wishes. That was very kind of you, and I appreciate it.

All that being said, I hope you all enjoy the update…

Kimberly

Confessions Lead to Strange Bedfellows

"Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences."

Anonymous

"Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences."

Norman Cousins

Chapter 9.16 – When Past and Present Collide:

Through the causal relationship between choices and consequences, we are given the unique opportunity to change our lives, our destiny; one decision at a time. Some choose the path of least resistance, and often, what they find at the end is a truth far less desirable than they anticipated. Others choose the more difficult path; the one that meanders through heartache and pain. And when they reach their destiny, they find that the trials and tribulations had strengthened them along the way.

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—8:30 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Olivia came barreling up the stairs to the upper deck, pausing when she found Bianca there. Sweaty, despite the chill of the morning air, her breathing was much heavier than normal, as she returned from a solo run on the beach. "Where's Natalia?" she practically panted. Leaning over, she pressed her hands to her knees, as she attempted to catch her breath.

Clueless, Bianca shook her head. "I don't know," she answered honestly. She dropped a handful of toys into the chest near the sliding glass doors. "But I know something isn't right," she said with conviction. "She went for a walk more than an hour ago, and I haven't seen her since. What happened this morning?"

The concern in Bianca's voice sent Olivia into a panic. Her eyes darted back and forth, sweeping across the sand. "Which way did she go?"

"I'm so sorry, Olivia. I wasn't watching when she left." Bianca's voice held sincere regret.

"Fuck!" Olivia's entire body shook, and her tone was one of sheer anguish.

"Olivia, what's wrong?" Bianca asked, worried.

"Nothing—," Olivia barely choked out. "I need coffee and a shower," she said, dismissively. It would do no good to give chase, when she had no idea where Natalia had gone. The only reasonable thing to do was to wait for her to return. Sometimes Olivia hated being reasonable.

A gentle hand smoothed over Olivia's shoulder. "You'll find both inside," Bianca said, softly. She knew something wasn't right between her friends, but it wasn't her place to interfere. "I'm sure Natalia will be back by the time you shower and change."

"Thanks," Olivia replied resignedly. Without another word, she opened the back door, and stepped inside.

When Olivia stepped into the kitchen, Lena glanced up from her morning edition of the Wall Street Journal, greeting her. "Morning—" Her smile was warm, welcoming. "Sorry I missed you earlier. How was your run?"

"Oh, just fan-fucking-tastic," Olivia grunted. Brusquely, she wiped sweat from her brow with the face towel she pulled from the pocket of her jacket.

"Well, you're certainly cranky this morning," Lena commented; eyeing the cantankerous hotelier up and down. "Is everything all right?"

"I am not cranky," Olivia grumbled. Her coffee cup hit the counter with a cacophonous thud.

Lena arched an eyebrow. "Really?" she challenged. Her newspaper crinkled loudly as she turned the page. "I should think you would be in a better mood after all the noise coming from your room last night and this morning." The smirk on her face was priceless. Olivia didn't see it, but she could hear it in her accented tone.

"Look who's talking," Olivia bit, sarcastically. "Christ—I needed earplugs, just to sleep!"

Lena's expression still held an amused smirk. "Not gonna lie, my sex life is definitely not lacking." The suggestion in her tone was mirrored in her dark eyes. "Bianca and I had sex before you were even conscious this morning," she announced. "Twice—"

"Show-off…" Olivia grumbled under her breath. "What, do you people just fuck, all night long?" She sounded almost incensed, as she emphasized the extended period of time.

"Well, as my wife likes to say: 'An orgasm a day keeps depression away.' Her being a psychologist and all, we believe in mental health, so we try to have several," Lena tormented; grinning at her friend.

"Oh, God, you make me sick," Olivia grumped.

"It works for crankiness, too," Lena informed, matter-of-factly. The newspaper crinkled again. "Just so you know."

"I'll make a note of that," Olivia said, dryly.

"Oh, just you wait," Lena said, playfully. "If she's anything like Bianca, when those pregnancy hormones kick in, she'll drive you to the brink of insanity with her mood swings…"

"Oh, joy!" Olivia snarked; a sardonic smile on her face. She would willingly deal with Natalia's mood swings, and anything else that came along with this pregnancy, if it meant being with her. But right now, she was frustrated, and she wasn't bothering to try to hide it.

Lena made a face at her, "but…" she said, her tone indicating something better was to come, "you'll have the best sex you've ever had in your life…"

Olivia stood silent for a moment, as memories of earlier that morning flooded her conscience. And then, in a barely audible whisper, she said, "It's not what you think." She lifted the carafe, pouring a cup of the steaming liquid into her mug.

Olivia's response made absolutely no sense. Lena counted that a step in the right direction. "What, the noise, or the crankiness?"

"The noise," Olivia barked. "I'm not cranky!"

"If you say so," Lena said, passively. She shuffled her paper again. At this point, the racket was nothing more than a distraction, designed to keep Olivia was realizing she was engaging in the conversation Lena knew her friend had been avoiding all week. Sometimes being married to a therapist had its advantages.

"And as for the noise, I think it sounded like sex," Lena asserted, emphasizing the activity. "Or at least the warm up."

The tick-tick-tick of the kitchen clock sounded like a sledgehammer in Olivia's head as she attempted collect enough thoughts to form a response. Several moments passed, and her face was expressionless when she finally replied. "And that's all it was." She took a sip of her coffee, grimaced, and wearily set it aside. What she really needed was a stiff drink. "The warm-up. Breast play."

Lena tipped the edge of her morning paper downward, glancing at Olivia over the top. "You make that sound like a bad thing." Her tone indicated that it clearly was not, as she stated her observation.

Olivia made a face at her.

"Bianca and I actually enjoy it quite a lot," Lena chattered. "It's mutually satisfying, when… other options aren't feasible, if you catch my drift," she grinned. Olivia was one of those rare people Lena felt comfortable opening up to—particularly with regard to the intimate things she shared with her wife. Her sister-in-law Kendall would have given her first-born to hear some of the things Lena would willingly share with Olivia. It was a little game of cat-and-mouse that they had always played—Kendall would prod her for intimate details, and Lena would coyly brush her off, refusing to indulge her. Kendall's agenda always involved self-gratification; not in a mean-spirited way, but rather, out of curiosity. Olivia, on the other hand, was a scared friend—obviously one in need of understanding, encouragement, and sound advice—some of it seasoned with a touch of humor, to keep them both sane.

Sensing Olivia's disconnect, Lena tossed a cloth napkin at her, garnering her full attention. "We have a secret stash of whipped cream and chocolate syrup, if you'd like to make it interesting."

Olivia chuckled, but it was almost humorless. "What is it with you and chocolate syrup?" she groused.

"Trust me—"

Lena's mouth formed a roguish grin, and Olivia groaned in response.

Switching gears, Lena tried a new tactic. "You know, Spence, we're not adverse to you having sex in our house. In fact, we rather expected you would." Her tone was light, as she teased her friend. "I mean, it's not like I've never been subjected to that before… You had sex with Alex in the same room with me, for Christ's sake! Not to mention all the times you, uh… took care of business on your own," she said, wryly.

"Yeah, I know," Olivia said, distractedly. Clearly, her mind was somewhere else.

Olivia's current demeanor, coupled with Natalia's quiet exit that morning, was cause for concern, and Lena gently asked, "Is everything all right with you and Natalia?"

Mug in hand, Olivia turned toward the kitchen window. Fractured rays of sunlight slanted through spotless glass, as she stared out across the vast expanse of ocean. Feeling as though she had been transported back in time, she ignored the question, instead focusing on all that transpired with Natalia—not only that morning, but the night before, as well…

Natalia lay sleeping, her body partially on top of Olivia, her face nuzzled into Olivia's neck, as her subconscious mind relived the wonderful sensations that had been stirred within her the evening prior.

After a long, romantic dinner at a place called Lambert's Cove in the pastoral town of West Tisbury, they had taken a leisurely stroll on the private beach that stretched out beyond the property. Situated in a bay off of Vineyard Sound, Lambert's Cove Beach was absolutely breathtaking; its setting recalling that of a secluded Caribbean cove. It reminded Olivia of San Cristobel, and she felt a sharp wave of nostalgia wash over her. Taking Natalia's hand into her own, she shared more memories of her native home, as they strolled along the shore.

The iridescent moonlight glistened and danced off the dark surface of the water, catching the caps of the waves, painting them almost snowy white as they rolled ashore. They had laughed, and talked, and laughed a little more. And Olivia had paused in the moonlight, pulling Natalia into her arms, holding her close, whispering to her, as the wind whispered across the waves, and kissing her more times that Natalia could even count.

And when they returned to the cottage, long after Lena and Bianca had turned in for the night, they had gone to bed together, like every other night since their arrival on the Vineyard. As they lay kissing in their bed, the subtle and not-so-subtle sounds of Lena and Bianca making love in the next room, drifted into their space, permeating the air around them; not for the first time that week. Their bodies innately responded to those sounds, and feeding off of the arousal that had been building within them throughout the evening, just from the simple act of kissing, they soon found themselves more deeply immersed than either of them had planned—deeper than they had ever been before.

Olivia's hand and fingers, that had been blissfully caressing Natalia's breasts beneath her t-shirt, were quickly replaced with her mouth and tongue. First, she tongued and sucked the straining peaks through the thin material of the t-shirt; but as Natalia's moans grew louder, in a surge of reckless passion, Olivia had pushed the hampering material out of her way, latching on to the soft, yet taut flesh. Natalia groaned out her approval; her fingers tangling tightly in soft chestnut locks, as she arched her back, pressing her breast harder against Olivia's wide, avid mouth.

God, Natalia's nipples felt glorious in her mouth. So tight and hard, pressing against the back of her tongue, as she attempted to devour Natalia's breasts. A faint memory lingered somewhere in the recesses of her mind of the first time she had touched them, the first time she had caressed Natalia's bare breasts. They felt so marvelous in her hands—the weight of them, the silky softness beneath her fingertips, and the rigid peak of her nipples as Olivia caressed them. She never would have dreamed that touching another woman's breasts could be so completely arousing. She had wanted to taste them even then; but it was too much, and so she had restrained her desire. Now she reveled in the wholeness of them, swirling the tip of her tongue around them, suckling at them until both she and Natalia were moaning, and quickly approaching release. It was the realization of how close they actually were that forced Olivia to wean herself from the warm, silky flesh of Natalia's breasts, instead pulling her close, kissing her tenderly.

And then early that morning, while dreaming of how intoxicating it felt to have the warmth of Olivia's mouth suckling at her breasts, as she teetered on the precipice of sexual release, Natalia's right hand slipped beneath Olivia's tank top, slowly drifting upward toward her left breast.

Olivia began to moan softly, her own dreams taking her back to that same place with Natalia, as Natalia's hand and fingers closed around her breast, exploring, massaging, her hips rocking against Olivia's thigh, while still in a semi-conscious state.

Slowly, Olivia roused from sleep, as her body arrived at the awareness that her dreams were quickly becoming a reality. The sensation of Natalia's fingertips felt exquisite as they deftly caressed Olivia's breast and nipple. It had been so long since anyone had touched her there—until that moment, Natalia had yet to be quite so bold. And no one's touch had ever felt so soft, so sensuous, so completely arousing. As much as she knew she shouldn't, she couldn't help but fall under the spell of Natalia's tender touch. She moaned softly, as her nipple grew impossibly taut, and then Natalia was kissing her—the warmth of her mouth and tongue playing at Olivia's pulse point. Her moans grew louder, and Natalia's sleepy kisses found her mouth; swallowing them whole.

Arching her back into that titillating touch, Olivia's eyes finally met Natalia's, as her lips curved into a roguish grin. "As much as my left nipple is enjoying your attention, the right one sure is feeling neglected," she husked.

Olivia's insinuation startled Natalia back to reality. Realizing where her hand was, and what it had been doing, she jerked it away, "Oh, my God, I'm so sor—"

It was a knee-jerk reaction, but before she could completely extricate her hand from beneath the tank top, Olivia's own hand caught hers, holding it in place, as she stopped Natalia's apology with the claiming of her mouth. And then placing Natalia's hand back on her aching breast, she whispered, "Don't stop. It feels nice…"

Natalia sighed softly, and kissed her deeply, as she shifted her body to straddle Olivia's thighs.

The sensation of Natalia's body looming over her own was absolutely exhilarating. But it was nothing compared to the sensations that ripped through her body as Natalia slipped her other hand beneath that tight material; caressing both of her breasts in tandem, as she continued to explore the depths of Olivia's mouth.

They had kissed deeply before; extraordinarily intimate kisses, that sometimes lasted for what seemed like hours—soul kisses, Natalia had called them. And they had certainly touched one another's bodies before. But never as intimately as this.

Olivia had always thought of soul kisses as being tantamount to French kisses, but Natalia had insisted otherwise. She had apparently finally read Song of Solomon, and realized that much of the prose described the physical and emotional longing for union between the two lovers. And based upon that, she had decided that soul kisses were the ones shared between those who were lovers of the heart, and from the depths of the soul, completely committed and desirous of one another, long before the physical act of lovemaking. Olivia didn't argue the logic—Natalia understood the workings of the Bible far better than she, and the description she had given of a soul kiss certainly described the two of them. Thus, she had willingly taken Natalia's interpretation to heart.

The more Natalia's adventurous fingertips explored Olivia's burning flesh, the more ragged Olivia's breathing became. She moaned and panted, as Natalia explored her torso and breasts, deftly working her nipples into rock-hard peaks that teetered on the edge of pain. It felt absolutely glorious. And as she arched her body into those wondrous hands, Natalia was murmuring against her ear, "Oh, God, Liv, your nipples are so hard." She groaned, nipping at Olivia's earlobe. "I wanna taste them… I wanna feel them in my mouth. The way you did mine last night…"

Delivered on a guttural moan, Natalia's passionate plea sent shocks of electric heat surging through Olivia's body straight into groin, where they collided with the liquid fire that that had long-since burst into flames there. She whimpered first; then released a throaty groan when Natalia punctuated her impassioned supplication with a husky, "Please don't say no…"

Pulling Natalia's mouth back to her own, she kissed her deeply; then gradually slowed their kiss. "I don't wanna say no, Natalia," she whimpered, nipping at those soft, supple lips. God, it was such an intense battle that waged inside her—never in her life had she surrendered so much of herself to another person. Natalia was there, and she loved her, and she wanted so much to give herself over to that love; and to the glorious release that would come from her surrender. But the fear of abandonment still held her in its snares. Yes, she had feared abandonment in every relationship since Alex; but she had never loved this deeply before Natalia, and thus, in the past, physical want had trumped that fear. It was different now. With Natalia, she knew that surrender would be complete. It would encompass all that she was, and all that she ever would be. And to leave herself so completely vulnerable, knowing how unworthy she was of this woman's love, felt far too much like begging to be abandoned again. She just couldn't. Not until she figured out how to deserve her; how to make up for past transgressions, the likes of which someone of Natalia's character couldn't even fathom.

She moaned softly, as Natalia shifted in their bed, laying her body fully atop Olivia's. The sensation of Natalia's full weight on her, made Olivia's entire body spasm. She gasped and groaned, and pulled her impossibly closer.

Propped up, with her elbows on either side of Olivia's body, Natalia's fingertips still massaged taut nipples, as she licked Olivia's bottom lip, and kissed her. "Then don't…" She kissed her again.

Olivia closed her eyes, attempting to take the edge off of her arousal. "God, Natalia, I'm so turned on right now," she husked against the lips that were kissing her, "if your mouth goes anywhere near my breasts, you're gonna make me come…" The admission was delivered on shards of air.

"Let me," Natalia breathlessly implored. "I wanna give that to you. I wanna give you whatever you need."

It sounded like a plea, and Olivia was groaning again.

"I don't have anything to wage in comparison, but… I'm pretty sure I was close to that myself last night," Natalia grinned. "You always stop too soon…" she groused, softly.

Olivia groaned. "No—I always stop just in time…"

"Just in time for what?" Natalia hoped she didn't sound too frustrated.

Nuzzling against Natalia's cheek, Olivia murmured, "Oh, God, Natalia, I get so aroused just from kissing you."

Delivered on a breathless whisper, Olivia's groin clenched with sexual excitement, and she had to willfully tamp down the climax that loomed between her legs. She distracted Natalia from her kisses, forcing their gazes to lock. She wanted Natalia to really hear what she was saying.

It took several moments to place her body back into submission, before she could even speak; and when she finally did, her voice was husky with emotion. "That's never happened with anyone before. I've never kissed anyone just for the sake of kissing them. It was always a precursor to sex—I kissed them with sex as the goal, so it wasn't the kissing that aroused me; it was the thought of sex, which to me, equaled power and control. But with you, I'm thinking about how much I love you. And how soft your lips are," she whispered, brushing her mouth against Natalia's. She couldn't help herself. "And how silky your skin feels beneath my fingertips, how smooth your tongue feels against mine, and how sweet your mouth tastes." More kisses followed. "I get lost in your kisses, Natalia, and it becomes such an intimate, sensual experience, that I get aroused without even meaning to…"

"And what about now, Liv?"

"What about now?" The words escaped on a fettered breath.

Natalia nipped at Olivia's lips. "Do you need to?" she asked in a throaty groan; her own breathing, ragged.

"What?" Olivia gasped. She swallowed hard.

"Do you need to… y'know…?" Natalia murmured; her tongue teasing Olivia's mouth. "I know you haven't… Not since we've been together…" Her voice was husky; seductive. "And I can feel how much you need it right now…" She nibbled at Olivia's ear. "I can feel how wet you are against me, Liv… I know you won't let me, but it's okay, if you need to…"

God, Natalia's breath was so warm there. Her breathing sharp and labored, Olivia found the strength to meet Natalia's eyes. "Are you telling me…"

Natalia kissed her, causing her to gasp, mid-sentence.

Olivia struggled for breath, and then for words, as Natalia nuzzled against her lips, "that if I slipped my hand between our bodies…" She gasped again, as a smooth tongue grazed her own, "and brought myself to climax, with you lying…" she moaned as a thumb brushed her nipple, "Oh, God! Here on top of me… that would be alright with you?"

"If that's what you need, then yes…" Natalia murmured softly, as she nuzzled Olivia's nose, and brushed their mouths together. "You can have whatever it is that you need, Liv," she whispered, offering herself like a gift. "Just please, stop running away from me…" If she could just get Olivia to stop thinking about all the reasons why she couldn't, and just let it happen, then Natalia was certain everything would change—that those reasons would quickly become distant memories.

Olivia responded by pulling her close, clinging to her, as the heat of tears burned beneath her eyelids. She couldn't believe this woman could be so completely selfless. Olivia felt like a complete and total ass. So unworthy of someone who would love her with such a guileless heart.

"I know how much you need that kind of thing," Natalia was quietly acknowledging, as she lay with her temple pressed against Olivia's chest. There was no hint of disquiet or judgment in her tone. "And I know you haven't. Not in a really long time. You stopped after you told me you loved me. You didn't even finish that last time," she recalled. "I don't understand why…" She sounded almost hurt.

Olivia's initial internal response was sheer shock that Natalia knew the concept of self-stimulation even existed. Her next internal reaction was utter embarrassment that not only had Natalia actually heard her, but she knew what she had been doing, and how often she had been doing it. And then she felt terrible, because Natalia's tone was telling her that the fact that she hadn't since they'd been together, somehow resulted in Natalia thinking she had done something wrong. And all of those cerebral gymnastics were enough to bring Olivia's arousal to a screeching halt; her conscience quickly consumed with guilt.

Exactly the opposite of what Natalia had been hoping to accomplish. She felt the change in Olivia's responsiveness immediately, as Olivia instinctively retreated inside herself. Damn.

Several long moments passed, and Natalia watched as the flurry of changing emotions flickered across Olivia's face. And finally, shifting in their bed, Olivia rolled them over until they were lying face-to-face, sharing the same pillow. She reached out, tenderly stroking Natalia's cheek with the tips of her fingers, as she offered her a wobbly smile. "You wanna know why I stopped?" she asked, softly.

"Why?" Natalia urged, her voice trembling.

"Because I love you, and I realized how empty and lonely I would feel, experiencing that kind of pleasure without you," Olivia whispered; their gazes never parting. "The next time it happens, I want it to be with you. I want you to make it happen, Natalia. I only want it if I can share it with you."

"That's what I want too, Liv," Natalia whispered. She kissed Olivia softly, her fingers sweeping through chestnut locks.

Olivia nuzzled against Natalia's cheek. "I'm sorry I've let things get so out of control, Natalia," she whispered regretfully. "It's entirely my fault, and I've been so unfair to you…"

"Hey," Natalia beckoned, urging Olivia to look at her. "We agreed, no guilt, no apologies, no explanations, right?" The question was rhetorical, and delivered with a smile that sent a wave of absolution washing over her—but she wouldn't have any of it.

"Right." Olivia offered a wobbly smile in return, as her eyes flooded with tears of self-recrimination. Natalia deserved so much better than someone who would promise her forever, and then withhold the deepest parts of herself.

With a shaky hand, she reached out, gently caressing Natalia's face. "I love you," she whispered, her jaw quivering uncontrollably as the tears began, unchecked. She kissed Natalia then, and quickly extricated herself from their bed. "But I have to go right now." Her entire body was trembling by then.

"Olivia, what's wrong?" Natalia's own eyes filled with tears, and her voice was rife with worry. "Please don't go," she implored. "Talk to me."

Biting her lower lip, Olivia slowly shook her head. "I can't—," she barely croaked out.

"Where are you going?" Tears flowed, unchecked, down Natalia's face.

Olivia shook her head again. She needed time to think, time to release the anger that was building up inside her. It wasn't Natalia's fault. Not one bit of it. It was Olivia—and she was furious with herself. The pain in those dark, expressive eyes stabbed at her heart, and she collected herself just enough to take Natalia's beautiful face in her hands. I love you so much, but I am so unworthy of you. "None of this is your fault, do you hear me?" Her touch was gentle, but her voice was fierce with emotion. "None of it."

Releasing her hold on Natalia, she quickly plucked her warm-up suit, t-shirt, and sports bra from the chair in the corner, and her sneakers from the floor near the bed. "Don't hold breakfast for me, okay? I don't know how long I'll be gone," she struggled to say.

And with that, she was out the bedroom door, and across the hall, slamming the bathroom door behind her. Once inside, she leaned heavily against it, slowly sliding down to the floor, where she dissolved into a puddle of self-recriminating tears.

That had been nearly three hours earlier…

Friday, May 1, 2009… Vineyard Haven—5:45 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

It was still dark outside when Olivia slipped out the back door. Heading north along the shoreline from the cottage, she followed a path etched in the sand by beams of moonlight that peaked out from beneath the clouds. She had run until she was practically out of breath, and then she slowed to a brisk walk. When she finally stopped, she found herself nearing the pier at The Black Dog Wharf, in Vineyard Haven—several miles from the cottage. She had been so keyed up, so in need of escape from the thoughts that taunted her, that she hadn't realized how far she had run. It was no wonder she was so out of breath.

Bending, she pressed the palms of her hands against her knees, as she panted heavily. From her lowered vantage point, she glanced around, noting several old V-Hull boats, some of them upturned, a few Jon boats, and the occasional fishing kayak, scattered along the light brown sand near the boathouse. There were patches of thick scrub littering the sand, and the waters of Vineyard Haven Harbor lapped at the shoreline. Out on the water several dozen sailboats bobbed in the rippling current, all but one with their masts lowered—their captains most likely just waking as the first rays of morning began peeking over the horizon. The scene was familiar, like so many of the piers along the shoreline of San Cristobel harbor; yet if felt different somehow. Perhaps it was the coolness of the morning breeze as it drifted in off of the bay.

Walking toward the pier, she watched as a stocky woman with light auburn curls lifted a faded red kayak from the roof of a Jeep. Battered and worn, it was clear that the vessel had been well-used, and well maintained. And by the tautness of the muscles that rippled in the woman's biceps, calves, and thighs as she carried it toward the water, it was evident that she had been the one to use and maintain it. Olivia smiled, as she remembered her days on the rowing team at Oxford with Lena. Had they ever been that young and fit? Lena had always been thin, but her gangly physique belied the strength that lay beneath, making her somewhat of a secret weapon against their opponents. As for Olivia, she had once possessed quite the chiseled physique, but her illness had taken a toll on her. After months of struggling with her stamina, she finally felt as though she were getting her strength back, reclaiming her body, and it felt beyond exhilarating.

The wind blew sharply around her, and she realized for the first time since leaving the cottage, that it was far chillier than recent mornings. She was grateful for the protection of her warm-up suit, as she sauntered down the creaky wooden planks of the pier, toward the far edge of the moorings.

Planting her right hand on the top of one of the pilings, and her left on the deck as a brace, she kicked her legs out over the water, settling on the edge of the pier. Her head was much clearer now after the long run, and she felt better able to focus. And as she did, she remembered how gloriously happy the past two months with Natalia had been. They had been filled with endless moments of joy, and a love so indescribable that at times it literally brought Olivia to tears.

But those moments had been tempered with snippets of fear and insecurity, as well, as she wouldn't allow herself to forget that; nor would she forgive herself for the pain she had so obviously caused Natalia. Not that she wanted to dwell on that pain, but rather, that she didn't want to forget lessons learned. Despite the agreement they had made to wait, Olivia knew that she alone had imposed those limits upon their relationship. She was the one holding back—she had finally come to accept responsibility for that. Acceptance of responsibility hadn't come easily, though. But rather, it had come slowly—the outcome of a series of intimate moments that led to misunderstandings, which resulted in unintended arguments that ultimately concluded with greater awareness of one another's needs and desires, and a reconciliation of hearts, as they learned to navigate within the tacit rules of an intimate relationship—the first one for both of them, that actually worked.

The first such encounter had taken place after one of Emma's school field trips, and Olivia's face held both pleasure and pain as she recalled that afternoon…

Friday, March 6, 2009… The Farmhouse of Love—3:30 p.m. Central Standard Time

Olivia limped into the living room, complaining of aching feet after the all-day field trip to the landfill with Emma's class. "Jesus…" she cursed, "who woulda thought there'd be so much to see at a fu—" she thought better of utilizing such a foul-mouthed term after Natalia's strict enforcement of the swear jar following their first big fight, and ended the thought more politely, "a, um… landfill… My feet are killing me!"

Natalia just scowled at her.

Reading the look exactly as it was intended, Olivia crossed her arms defiantly. "Well, I'm getting better," she whined; stomping her right foot rebelliously. The childish move inadvertently reminded herself of the casualty of the day, causing her to glance down at her right foot. "And I broke another heel," she pouted. She kicked her foot up behind her to remove the damaged shoe. It's always the right foot—what's up with that? she inwardly groused, as she surveyed the damage. She tossed the offending item across the room, knowing full-well that the wayward shoe would drive Natalia insane.

Natalia rolled her eyes. "Serves you right," she laughed; mischief dancing in her eyes. "I mean seriously, Olivia… Who would think it a good idea to wear stilettos on a field trip—let alone on one to a landfill?"

Olivia lowered her eyes; coyly glancing at Natalia through thick eyelashes. "But I looked sexy…" she mewed, emphasizing the adjective. Jade eyes flashed seductively, as the tips of her mouth twitched into a flirty smile.

Powerless to resist this brazen beauty, Natalia smiled; flashing those irresistible dimples. "Yes, Honey, you looked totally sexy," she growled. That now-familiar warmth of desire brewed low in her belly as she recalled just exactly how sexy the hotelier had looked in that gray Armani jacket, perfectly form-fitting designer jeans, and ridiculously overpriced Jimmy Choo's.

She exhaled deeply; attempting to ward off her rising desire—things had become harder rather than easier after their agreement—at least for Natalia. Olivia seemed perfectly content with waiting. Natalia didn't understand why; but she didn't dwell on it.

Quickly, she moved her thoughts in the opposite direction. "Until your heel got stuck in that compost heap." She burst into laughter at the memory of Olivia attempting to extricate her designer heel from the clutches of the pile of fertilizer. Natalia couldn't help but grin as she watched the frustrated hotelier vehemently biting her lip to keep from spewing expletives in front of Emma's entire class, as they looked on, giggling at her conundrum.

"I mean… didn't you learn your lesson after that whole barn debacle?" Natalia added; recalling a similar entanglement with a pile of cow manure when Olivia and Emma had first moved to the farm.

Olivia made a face at her, and lifted her left foot to remove the still-intact, but now useless partner of her recently discarded shoe. Mindlessly, she tossed it aside as well.

Natalia laughed at the overly animated facial gesture. "Next time we go to a landfill… just… look sexy in those boots you suggested for me," she smirked.

"I'll need a drink before that happens." Olivia's sarcastic wit was shining through, and she grinned as she walked toward the kitchen.

"Ooh… I'll have a glass of white wine while you're in there," Natalia called from the sofa. She had taken her own shoes off, and set them next to the staircase.

"Okay—," Olivia answered, absentmindedly.

She returned to the living room a few minutes later; two glasses of red wine in hand.

Natalia tossed her a curious expression. "Color blind?" she posed, facetiously, as she lounged on the sofa. A telltale grin was plastered across her lips.

"Huh?" Olivia sputtered, distractedly.

"The wine, Babe," Natalia laughed. "That's the darkest White I've ever seen."

"What? Oh!" Olivia laughed; looking down at the burgundy-filled glasses in her hand. "I guess I was just too busy thinking about you," she said, smoothly. Her eyes twinkled, as she handed a glass to Natalia, and set her own on the coffee table.

Reaching for the buckle on her jacket, she shrugged her shoulders. "Red is better for your heart anyway," she announced; unbuttoning the jacket.

Natalia drew in a sharp breath as Olivia slipped the jacket off, revealing the silky sky blue camisole that lay beneath. She cleared her throat. "I'm more concerned about your heart," she exhaled; stressing the fact that Olivia's heart was her main concern.

Bending her arms as she fiddled with her jacket, Olivia's biceps flexed just slightly; causing a soft whimper to escape Natalia's throat. The woman was driving her mad! Forcefully, she refocused her attention toward Olivia's eyes to avoid staring at how perfectly that camisole caressed the other woman's breasts. Her curiosity was killing her.

Olivia smirked; unapologetically taking pleasure in the effect she knew she was having on Natalia, as she tossed the jacket across the back of the chair. She reached for Natalia's hand; pulling the woman from the sofa and into her arms in one swift motion. "My heart… has been perfectly fine… since the moment you stole it from me," she whispered.

Natalia smiled at her. "I… stole your heart?" she replied in a small voice.

Olivia silently searched the dark eyes that peered into her own, and slowly nodded her head in confirmation. "Yes—," she breathed; tears beginning to form, darkening jade. "You saved my physical body when you gave me Gus's heart," she whispered, "but you saved my life… my soul…" she swallowed slowly, choking down the lump of raw emotion that was steadily rising in her throat, "…when you stole it back again. You changed my life forever… and—"

"Olivia—," Natalia exhaled softly; tears welling up in her eyes, as she caressed Olivia's face with the back of one hand.

"No—" Olivia quietly silenced her with a fingertip across her lips. "You did, Natalia. You have changed my life forever… with your innate goodness… and your grace…" she confessed; voice dripping with emotion, as she fought to hold back tears, "and your eternal optimism… and your unwavering faith… And… I didn't even see it coming. You stole my heart—it was gone, before I could say no."

Overwhelmed with emotion, Natalia captured Olivia's mouth with her own. Gently silencing the hotelier's heartfelt admissions, she sealed their shared emotions in a slow, meaningful kiss, as pent up tears began to flow.

Kisses mingled with tears, as Natalia maneuvered them onto the sofa. Pulling Olivia close, she draped those long, sexy legs across her own lap. And when their kisses ended, she leaned her forehead against Olivia's temple. "I love being with you this way…" she breathed; deciding this was a much better ending than the last time they accompanied Emma on a field trip. That was the day all hell had broken loose with Doris, and Olivia ended up taunting those women at Towers. Natalia realized now, that Olivia had been telling her even then, that she was in love with her; that she wanted to be with her. She also realized what a fool she had been to run from Olivia that day, instead of staying, and facing what they both knew they were feeling. Thank God their mutual foolishness had finally ceased, and they were able to admit their feelings to one another. Natalia wouldn't trade what they shared for the world, or anything in it.

A contented smile played on Olivia's lips. "Me too…" she sighed.

Natalia planted a firm but playful kiss on Olivia's temple; and patted the thigh that was draped across her lap. "Scoot back… lemme see those feet," she gently commanded.

Olivia grinned. "Ooh… as you wish," she excitedly complied. Extending her arms behind her to brace herself, she moved toward the arm of the sofa; leaving her aching feet perfectly positioned in Natalia's lap.

She relaxed against the arm of the sofa, as Natalia began to soothe her bruised and aching extremities. Natalia spoke softly to her as she worked her magic, though, Olivia had to admit she was completely oblivious to what was being said; so wrapped up was she in the warm sensation of Natalia's hands caressing her feet. Groaning, she jumped involuntarily when Natalia pressed firmly on just the right spot on the base of her foot; sending shots of electricity throughout her body—shots that nearly detonated when they collided in her center.

"Did I hurt you?" Natalia quickly asked; concern etched in her tone.

"No, Honey, that's, uh… that's not exactly what I'd call what you just did to me," Olivia smirked; newly ignited desire flashing in jade green eyes.

"What does that mean?" Natalia arched a curious eyebrow; but in truth, she was afraid to know the answer.

"It means… you hit exactly the right spot." Olivia's response was accompanied by a sexy grin. She was still feeling the tingle in all the right places.

"The right spot for what?" Natalia asked, innocently.

Olivia just shook her head and smiled. She had to admit she found the woman's naiveté quite charming. And truth be told, while she was admittedly looking forward to eradicating at least some of that innocence, she truly hoped Natalia would never completely lose that part of herself.

"What are you smiling about?" Natalia prodded; plucking Olivia from her thoughts.

Olivia searched Natalia's face; drinking in the innocence that was the essence of this woman she loved. "I just… I love how innocent and pure you are…"

"That doesn't sound good," Natalia said, warily. She knew how experienced Olivia was in the ways of the world—and especially in the ways of sex. She had already become concerned that her innocence would keep her from being able to please Olivia—especially given Olivia's reluctance to take things to a more physical level. And this exchange certainly wasn't helping.

As if reading Natalia's mind, Olivia reached out; gently caressing Natalia's cheek. "Don't worry about that… Everything will be okay," she whispered, reassuringly. Whether she felt assured herself, or not, she couldn't stand to see the worry in Natalia's eyes.

Before Natalia had a chance to protest, Olivia grinned and leaned in; nuzzling the ingénue's ear. She seductively whispered explanation for her visceral response to Natalia's handiwork; causing Natalia to blush deeply.

"Olivia!" she shrieked; fire igniting in her blood and embarking on a frenzied race throughout her body.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "Well—you did ask…"

Still blushing profusely, Natalia stammered, "Well… next time don't be so… descriptive… with your answers."

"Now, what fun would that be?" The corners of Olivia's mouth twitched into a smirk.

Natalia made a face at her. "Shut up."

"Oh… so you'd rather I show you, than tell you?" Olivia shot back; inventing a challenge.

"I didn't say that—"

"No—but trust me… you're gonna enjoy it…"

Natalia rolled her eyes and sighed. Knowing full-well it would do her no good to argue, she surrendered to the inevitable.

Basking in her win, Olivia expertly maneuvered them on the sofa; turning the tables so that Natalia's feet landed in her lap. She began slowly; skillfully working Natalia's feet and calves, helping her to relax. She smiled as Natalia moaned softly; an expression of appreciation for her efforts.

"This is nice, Liv," she murmured. Every muscle in her body felt the relaxing sensation of Olivia's expert touch. She felt as though she were floating on air, her body suspended as the warmth flowed through her from head to toe.

"Oh, just you wait," Olivia replied, sensually. Her tone dripped with the promise of pleasures unknown. She smiled to herself as she worked her thumb down to the place where she knew it would do its best work; deliberately caressing and exerting exactly the pressure necessary to elicit the response she desired.

Fueled by the memory of Olivia's whispered insinuations and the sensations she was eliciting with those enchanted hands, the previously ignited—and currently smoldering fire—reignited in a flash; shooting liquid heat throughout Natalia's body. Crackling and tingling when it reached her center, in a flash of heat, it disbursed through her veins again. A loud gasp and the instinctive stirring of Natalia's hips told Olivia that she had accomplished her goal—she hadn't brought her to climax, but she'd given her a taste of things to come.

Olivia grinned, as Natalia mumbled something in Spanish that Olivia could only surmise was vulgar, given the immediate covering of her mouth with one hand, as her face reddened again. Natalia didn't know what this was, but she knew she liked it, and she wanted more…

"See what I mean?" Olivia smirked, one eyebrow raised; feeling rather pleased with her handiwork.

Natalia covered her face to hide her embarrassment, as she turned on her side to avoid Olivia's intense gaze. She breathed deeply; attempting to quell the fire that still flamed in her body. Never had she felt anything so fierce; so intoxicating. Never would she have believed something so intense could be evoked through such an innocuous touch. She couldn't even fathom what this woman might be capable of doing to her if they actually made love… And fears be damned, she couldn't wait to experience the unfathomable.

Olivia watched her intently, as realization reared its ugly head, reminding her that Natalia wasn't accustomed to such intense sensations. She closed her eyes; pride turning to shame for having pushed Natalia there with neither warning nor permission, when she knew neither of them had any intention of following through—thanks to that damnable agreement.

Slowly, Olivia moved, stretching out on the sofa next to Natalia. Gently, she brushed long raven tresses from Natalia's eyes, before tenderly tracing a finger along her jaw line. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart," she whispered, sincerely. "I didn't mean to—"

Natalia glanced at her through sheltered eyes. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"No?" Olivia questioned; eyebrows arched in emphasis.

"No—," Natalia quietly reassured; slowly gaining the courage to face her. She propped herself up on one elbow, gently tracing Olivia's face with her other hand. "I liked it, Liv," she confessed. Her voice was a strangled whisper. "And… the fact that I liked it, well, that really scared me…"

Olivia gazed into Natalia's eyes; searching deeply. "There's no reason to be scared, Sweetheart. It's a natural reaction." Her voice was reassuring, as she attempted to normalize the experience. "At least when it's executed properly…" She hoped the teasing lilt in her voice would coax a smile from Natalia.

Receiving a shaky smile in return, Olivia tried again. "It's okay that you liked it, Honey. Our bodies are meant to enjoy it…"

"I know… It's just … I've never experienced anything like that before…" Natalia admitted, shyly. She felt somehow damaged.

"I figured as much," Olivia said, softly. She kissed Natalia lightly. "But it's nothing you did, or didn't do, Natalia," she gently reassured. "Some men… well, most men, actually," she smirked just a little, "they just don't know how our bodies work."

Natalia laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Olivia, I don't even know how my body works!" She sounded both frustrated and ashamed.

"Well, you and I, we'll figure it out together, huh?" Olivia tried to sound reassuring. "And when we do, I can promise you, you'll experience those good sensations again and again," she guaranteed; grinning irreverently, as she attempted to assuage Natalia's faulty thought process. "And by the way… that… was nothing," she added; tone drenched in promises of pleasures to come.

"I can only imagine…" Natalia replied, pensively. "I swear, you're going to be the undoing of me, Olivia Spencer," she sighed.

"Mmm… sounds like fun…" Olivia growled; arching an eyebrow at her.

Natalia rolled her eyes; which only proved to further provoke the other woman. She flashed that Cheshire grin; jade eyes sparkling with mischief, causing Natalia to steel herself for the inevitable. "I can't believe Gus never got you off…"

"Olivia!" Natalia chastised; slapping the hotelier. "Don't be so… vulgar…"

"What? Don't be vulgar like you were? All mumbling in Spanish…"

Natalia blushed. "Shut up." She was fully aware of what she had said, and 'vulgar' didn't even come close to covering it.

"Seriously—," Olivia continued; mercilessly tormenting the already-embarrassed woman. "I don't speak a word of Spanish, but… Mmmm…" she moaned, "judging by the colors your face turned, it must've been good! I mean, I've never seen so many shades of—"

"Olivia!"

"I'm just sayin'—"

Natalia groaned and made a face at her. "You. Are. Absolutely. Incorrigible!"

"Yeah… but you love me…"

Natalia smiled despite herself, and sighed; once again giving in to the inescapable truth. "Yes, I do," she breathed; tracing Olivia's face with her eyes, before pulling her into waiting arms. "You stole my heart, too, y'know," she lightheartedly accused; returning to their initial conversation in an attempt to avoid any further misbehavior out of the seasoned 'Bad Girl' in her arms. "You're such a thief…" she teased; pushing Olivia's shoulder playfully.

"I know—," Olivia laughed; proud of her accomplishment. "Hope you don't want it back," she said, wrinkling her nose.

"Nope… it's yours forever now," Natalia smiled.

"Well, that's good, because I never intended to give it back anyway," Olivia announced; kissing Natalia softly.

When their kiss ended, Natalia pulled Olivia closer; enjoying the nearness of her. "You should've worn those Gucci hiking boots of yours," she sighed. "They're sexy too," she grinned, "and a whole lot more practical for hiking through a landfill."

"Yeah—," Olivia sighed, "but… they don't go with this outfit."

Natalia grinned, once again thinking about how completely delectable Olivia looked that morning. Her eyes scanned the room, as she attempted to avert the deliciously impure thoughts that were running through her head. And that's when she spotted them: the abandoned shoes. "Are you gonna pick those up?"

Olivia turned her head, quickly zeroing in on the object of Natalia's current housekeeping fixation. "Maybe—," she answered indifferently. She grinned knowingly at her obsessive-compulsive partner.

"I don't think you're funny," Natalia replied point-blank; feigning annoyance.

"Then stop smiling…"

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Beach, Vineyard Sound—7:00 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Passing on breakfast with the family, Natalia found herself, for the second time in as many mornings, walking solo along the shores of Martha's Vineyard. Clueless as to what had just happened, or how to even begin processing it, she had lain there in bed long after she heard Olivia slip out the back door. The one thing of which she was certain was that she felt guilty for having pushed Olivia as far as she had. They had promised no pressure, and she had violated that in the worst of ways—other times where they had found themselves so close to the brink, it had been a mutual ascent. This time, Natalia had taken advantage of Olivia's vulnerability by touching her while she was asleep. It hadn't been on purpose, and Natalia knew that Olivia wouldn't see it as an offense. But still, given Olivia's history with Jeffrey, just the thought of treating Olivia that way made Natalia feel both nauseated and sick at heart. Penitently, she had reached toward the bedside table, grasping her rosary in her hands, and closing her eyes, she fervently prayed for forgiveness. And then finally, physically and emotionally drained, she had drifted back into a fitful sleep; only to awaken again a short time later with another bout of nausea.

Between the raging hormones, bouts of nausea—though they seemed to be driven more emotionally than hormonally—and the physical exhaustion, this pregnancy was clearly not her friend. She honestly didn't know how she had managed to even get out of bed, let alone shower, get dressed, or find the energy to walk. But somehow, she had. And now, here she was, staring out at the vast expanse of the ocean, once again looking to assuage the ache in her soul. Olivia had been right—its rhythmic cadence was calming; and Natalia found it, a familiar friend.

For a time, as she skirted along the shoreline, she ignored the image that was tearing at her heart—the tortured expression in the deep jade of Olivia's eyes that morning, before she turned and walked out the door. Instead, Natalia chose to focus on the beauty that surrounded her: the cadence of the waves, the call of the seagulls, the briskness of the air, the smell of the ocean, as it all merged together, permeating her senses. She needed the brief respite afforded by denial, desperately.

Not quite an hour past sunrise, the sun still hung low on the horizon, casting beams of iridescent light across the glassy surface of the water. The caps of the waves seemed almost joyous, jumping up to catch the luminescent rays; dancing with them as they moved ashore. Instead of allowing their joyousness to mock her, as she might well have the morning prior, Natalia chose to regard them as a positive sign—that despite the turmoil she was feeling over Olivia at the moment, everything would be all right. Faith in action, she mused.

As she continued her walk, Natalia's thoughts turned to all of the happy moments they had shared, both as a couple, and as a family with Emma. Even given their acrimonious history, it was clear that the good times far outnumbered the bad.

She remembered Christmas Day, when Olivia had given her the doorframe from her old apartment in Chicago. She had felt a surge of emotion unrivaled by anything she had ever felt in the past, and the expression in Olivia's eyes made her heart flutter in her chest. That scuffed up piece of aging wood meant more to her than the diamond ring she wore on her left ring finger—Gus's ring. And she had realized in that moment that she was falling in love with Olivia. The realization terrified her, and that only made the truth more palpable.

When thoughts of New Year's Eve rolled along, Natalia remembered the disappointment in Olivia's eyes, in her tone, as she spoke to her, trying to convince her to stay. The entire time she was at Towers that evening, all she could think about was getting home to Olivia and Emma, welcoming the New Year with her family. The expression in those smoky jade eyes told Natalia how much it meant to Olivia that she had come home to them. And then she remembered the warmth of Olivia's hand on her back as they watched the ball drop in Times Square. It had been the most subtle of touches, just a light brushing of fingertips at first. And then Olivia's palm rested against Natalia's back, and the reassuring heat burned through Natalia's clothing, forever imprinting in her skin. Before the evening was over, they had all fallen asleep on the sofa; Natalia's head resting against Olivia's shoulder, and Emma sprawled across their laps.

There had been countless evenings that followed, even before they were together, where the two of them ended up in similar positions. Movie nights were notorious for setting the stage, but it happened many other nights, as well. They would put Emma to bed, and return to the sofa only to fall asleep watching the evening news. Waking well after midnight, they would share a knowing smile, even as they wondered at how the tattered old quilt that always lay across the back of the sofa had become their shared warmth. After a while, it just became a natural part of their way with one another, for Natalia to rest her head against Olivia's shoulder anytime they were on the sofa together; whether Emma was there, or not.

And then the day of Emma's "My Two Mommies" presentation had come along, and it had felt so completely natural to Natalia to reach over, taking Olivia's hand into hers. Olivia hadn't even hesitated at the touch. She had cast a loving glance, a warm smile, toward Natalia, and simply tightened her hold on Natalia's fingers. Natalia remembered the warmth that splayed throughout her entire body when Olivia tightened her hold. Now that she thought about it, that moment reminded her a bit of New Year's Eve, and that made her smile.

The kiss that had tilted their collective world on its axis, sending them both into the deep, murky waters of denial, had happened that afternoon, after Emma's presentation. And though each of them spiraled out of control in her own way as they sought escape from the undeniable truth, that omnipresent centripetal force kept drawing them back home to one another.

As she reminisced about the slow and winding path they had traveled to get to where they were, Natalia found that she appreciated the steady progression; that familiar ebb and flow that they shared without even trying. Despite Olivia's lingering fears, whatever they may have been, Natalia knew the foundation of their relationship was solid. And with that in mind, she realized how much she was enjoying their slow burn toward lovemaking; maddening as it was, at times.

Thoughts of that slow burn drew her back to the evening prior, and the glorious pleasure of Olivia's hands, the urgency of her mouth and tongue on Natalia's breasts, her sensitive nipples. No one had ever touched her that way before, and she could still feel the warmth of Olivia's mouth on her now. It suffused her entire body with heat, and she felt her nipples begin to tingle. Yes, Nicky had touched her breasts when they were younger; but he had been a fumbling teenage boy with no real sense of how to please a woman. In his eagerness, he had been awkward and rough. Looking back, to Natalia, it felt as though he were simply engaging in a rite of passage—something to brag about with his amigos; much like she was now certain their single sexual encounter had been all those years ago. And though she knew he hadn't been intentionally inconsiderate, even in their recent times together, he had been far more focused on his own pleasure than on hers.

Her encounter with Frank didn't even bear remembrance, as her thoughts immediately returned to Olivia. She didn't know with any certainty what it felt like to reach sexual climax, but she was certain that she had felt the gentle stirrings of fledgling release more than a few times with Olivia. All Olivia ever need do was linger on her mouth for a few brief moments, and Natalia felt her body begin to tingle in places she didn't even know existed. What a glorious surprise those sensations were! She couldn't wait to experience the fullness of them.

The day of Emma's field trip, Olivia had set off sparks of electricity and a stream of liquid heat that converged in Natalia's center, with nothing more than a foot massage. And as Natalia had lay there on the sofa with Olivia in her arms, she thought that if she had to admit to one thing other than that she wanted Olivia in a way that she had never wanted anyone or anything before, it would be that the only thing that scared her more than the prospect of having sex with Olivia, was having bad sex with Olivia. Thus far, that fear had been a part of what made it so easy to quell her own raging desire, and allow Olivia to put her off. Yes, she wanted Olivia; ached for her in the most feral of ways. But she was afraid she wouldn't be enough to satisfy the insatiable, experienced woman who lay there in her arms that afternoon. And thus, it was this toxic fusion of desire and fear that led her to do what she never imagined she would do…

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Black Dog Wharf, Vineyard Haven—7:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Leaning against one of the heavy wooden pilings at the edge of the wharf, Olivia grinned as she remembered their encounter after Emma's field trip. Not all of it had been pleasant. Nor had it all been unpleasant. Not by any means. But mostly, it had been beneficial. She had learned important information about Natalia's experience and frame-of-reference when it came to sex, and that knowledge proved quite useful when the unexpected occurred, just a few weeks later…

Saturday, March 21, 2009… The Farmhouse of Love—10:15 a.m. Central Standard Time

Olivia opened the front door to find the UPS deliverywoman standing on the other side; cardboard shipping box in hand. She smiled warmly, the latch clicking as she unlocked the screen door. "Hi… May I help you?"

The antiquated screen door screeched out a welcome of its own, as she swung it open.

"Natalia Rivera?" the woman inquired.

"Depends," Olivia replied with feigned suspiciousness. She arched an eyebrow. "Are you here to sell us useless magazine subscriptions?" There was humor dancing in her eyes.

The driver just laughed.

"I can sign for her," Olivia said with a light chuckle. She reached for the box like she had a dozen other times during their months of cohabitation.

Natalia bolted from the kitchen, busily drying her hands on her apron. She leapt between Olivia and the box. "I've got this," she announced, nervously. Hastily, she signed for the package; and clutching it under her arm like a football, she bid the deliverywoman goodbye.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders at the questioning look in the deliverywoman's eyes. She smiled, thanked her, and closed the door. Then, turning to the fidgety woman who shared her home, she tossed her a quizzical glance; one eyebrow arched. "What's in the box, Natalia?"

"Nothing—"

"Bullshi—," she halted the offensive outburst midstream; groaning at how effectively Natalia's recent training had been. That damned swear jar was working its magic. Or perhaps not…

She lunged toward the aberrantly-secretive woman; attempting to snatch the box from her protective grasp.

Natalia dodged her; lifting the box high in the air in a futile attempt to avoid the taller woman's desirous hands.

Olivia triumphed; easily seizing the sought-after box from its curator. She giggled with glee, as she tauntingly waved the cardboard trophy at her defeated opponent.

Natalia characteristically rolled her eyes. "You're such a child sometimes," she accused; shaking her head in amusement.

"It's part of my whimsical charm," Olivia grinned.

"Just give me the box," Natalia groaned; already knowing she stood no chance of winning this verbal tennis match.

"Not until you tell me what's in it," Olivia bargained.

"It's nothing you need to worry about."

"Oooh… Is it a present?" Olivia asked excitedly; her eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree. It couldn't be for her birthday—Natalia had already surprised her with the perfect gift on her special day, nearly a month prior.

"Again… child," Natalia playfully teased; dark eyes widening in emphasis.

"Whimsical charm," Olivia repeated in a sing-song voice; giving as good as she received.

"Whatever—," Natalia whined. "The box," she demanded; holding out an insistent hand.

Olivia didn't budge. She just stood there, daring Natalia with that look.

Natalia sighed. "Fine—," she relented; rolling her eyes once again in emphasis.

Laughing, Olivia handed the box back to her.

Natalia just stared at her in wonderment.

"It has nothing to do with the winning, per se... It's about the challenge of getting there," Olivia smirked; casually shrugging her shoulders.

Natalia wanted to laugh, and call her a nasty name; but her moral upbringing wouldn't allow such indulgence.

Olivia, as though reading the oft-chaste woman's mind, grinned devilishly. "I know—I'm a real Bitch sometimes," she laughed. "But, at least I'm a whimsically, charming, funny Bitch."

"I don't think you're funny," came the familiarly deadpan reply.

"Ahh… but then, by default, you do admit that you think I'm full of whimsical charm," Olivia grinned.

"Ohh… you're full of somethin' alright."

"Ooh, score!" Olivia howled; high-fiving the air.

Natalia laughed. "Wow! You are in rare form today!" she announced; punctuating each syllable. "What's gotten into you?"

Olivia smiled, and hooked her fingers through familiar belt loops; effortlessly pulling Natalia against her body. She studied the woman's face—those dark, inviting eyes that encapsulated her, those fleshy lips that beckoned to her. She sighed, contentedly. "I woke up this morning, thinking about you… thinking about you kissing me goodnight at my bedroom door last night, like you have nearly every night since we've been together… and how I knew you would be waiting for me in the kitchen with a freshly brewed cup of coffee and that enchanting smile that always greets me in the morning… and I was just… overwhelmed with the love I feel for you."

Natalia's heart melted like chocolate over a flame, as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, and tipped up; kissing her softly. "I wake up every morning thinking about you, too," she whispered. "About the gentle timbre of your voice when you tell me you love me… about the look in your eyes when you watch me and you don't think I'm paying attention… about how, no matter how foul your mood may be, you always smile when you see me."

"I can't stay in a foul mood around you," Olivia quietly confessed. "No matter how rough things may be, I stop and ask myself: What could be so bad, when I have you to come home to? I mean, I know that no matter what happens, at the end of the day, we leave it all behind, and we come home, together. Home to our little girl."

Natalia's mind volleyed between sentiment and suspicion; then settled on suspicion, as she eyed Olivia carefully. "That's awfully sappy, Olivia," she grinned. "You're really playin' this for all it's worth—aren't ya?" she smirked.

"Is it working?"

"Not so much."

"Then no—I'm not playin' anything. I'm being serious."

"And to bring Emma into this—," Natalia bantered. "That's just… bad, Olivia."

"Bad Olivia—," Olivia mocked. "But I'm bad in a good way," she flirted; leaning in, nipping at Natalia's neck.

"You're not getting the box."

Olivia grunted.

Natalia studied her closely; effortlessly reading that sailor-esque mind like a scroll. "You really wanna cuss—don't you?"

"Yes—," Olivia dejectedly confessed.

Natalia flashed a triumphant grin.

Olivia made a face at her. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, ya did," Olivia playfully countered. "All grinnin' at me like that… Mmm…" she groaned.

"Well, if you don't want me to smile at you anymore…"

Olivia effortlessly halted their banter with a searing kiss; one that nearly knocked Natalia off her feet. And when she finished, she left the sated woman smiling, and gasping for air. "You can have the box," Natalia breathlessly relented.

"And what's inside, too?" Olivia grinned; arching an eyebrow.

"And what's inside, too," Natalia conceded with a sigh. "I didn't stand a chance—did I?"

"Nada—"

"I know—it's that charm of yours."

"Yeah—," Olivia smirked. "It's… whimsical."

"Shut up and open the box."

Olivia smiled at her; box in hand. "Seriously… If you don't want me to—"

Natalia pinned her with a look.

"You really wanna cuss right now—don't you?" Olivia smirked; turning the tables on the woman.

"Olivia, just open the box."

The older, seemingly mature woman, sat down on the sofa, and tore the box open like a five-year-old on Christmas morning. Tossing aside the bubble wrap, she dug inside, retrieving the contents, and dropping the forgotten box on the floor.

Natalia glanced at the discarded materials on the floor; grudgingly stifling the urge to scold Olivia, or clean up the mess herself.

Then, realizing that the contents of the box had become public knowledge, so to speak, she turned her attention back to Olivia, and found her, mouth agape, staring disbelievingly at the item in her hands.

"Olivia?" she called; eyeing the hotelier carefully.

"You, um… You bought a… a… You… a book?" Olivia sputtered and choked; futilely attempting to string together a coherent sentence.

Natalia blushed, six new shades of red, as she sunk down into the sofa; hiding her face in her hands. "I didn't want you to know," she announced, bashfully.

Olivia clamped her mouth shut, and glanced over at her, shaking her head in both amusement and amazement, as the chuckle she was attempting to stifle finally broke free. It bubbled up from her abdomen through her lungs, billowing out into the air.

"Stop laughing!"

"The Whole Lesbian Sex Book?" Olivia giggled. "Really, Sweetheart?" She cast a glance in the ingénue's direction. "What's this gonna cost ya?" she teased. "What… the lighting of a thousand candles? A hundred Hail Mary's? Half a dozen rosaries?" she fired off in quick succession. "Oh… where's that little statue? We should probably blindfold her, before she gets embarrassed—or asks too many questions."

Embarrassment turned to anger, and Natalia trapped her with an icy stare. "Don't mock me!" she replied, coldly.

"I don't… Natalia, I didn't mean to be disrespectful," Olivia countered; unable to stifle the amusement that was rising again in her chest, even as she denied the mockery. "I just think it's funny—an ironic sort of funny, that you—"

"Whatever… Little Miss Mocks-a-Lot," Natalia barked. "What would you know of cost?" she spat; eyes riddled with anger and hurt. "Last I heard… and correct me if I'm wrong, but… I think you said, oh, yeah: 'My soul's never been much of a battleground,'" she parroted; tone dripping with angry sarcasm. "Does that sound familiar to you, Olivia? You laughed when you said it… but it made me want to cry," she divulged.

"Why are you so angry?" Olivia was thoroughly confused.

"Why are you so… cavalier!" Natalia snapped; flailing her arms in the air in frustration.

Olivia just stared at her.

"And by the way… candles… have nothing to do with repentance," Natalia finished defiantly. "We light them to indicate that we're praying for someone—and heaven knows, I've lit more than my fair share, praying for your soul!"

The emphasis placed upon the fact that Natalia had expended such effort praying for Olivia's soul in particular, sobered Olivia more than a bit.

Olivia continued to stare at her; impressed with the exceptional show of boldness and acrid sarcasm. And the woman scored extra points with her for having ranted with the best of them, managing to put Olivia in her place without a single curse word. Until that very moment, she would have been inclined to make some sort of snarky comment about how, since they were on the subject of the peculiarities of Catholicism, perhaps Natalia could explain why Catholics have to give up things they enjoy, or why they couldn't eat meat on Fridays during Lent. Such canons were nothing more than ridiculous drivel in Olivia's book; not that she ever really spent much time considering them—not since she left her mother's world of religious hypocrisy behind all those years ago. But still, when thrown in her face, she found them decidedly irritating.

She had a transitory thought about how she hoped Natalia wouldn't ever choose to give up sex for Lent… then she realized that it wouldn't really matter because, considering the glacial pace at which they were moving, it would probably be Christmas 2025 before they even made it to second base.

And then she was angry with herself, because she knew, in truth, that despite Natalia's suggestion that they agree to wait, it was she who was holding out, so much more so than Natalia. But it was easier to pretend that Natalia was the reason. Yes. That was much better than facing the truth, than facing the fears that held her in a chokehold every time she had more than a fleeting thought about being with Natalia that way.

She sighed, heavily. Maybe this book would help her—meaning Olivia—feel less anxious, she reasoned. Or, as her luck would have it, the damned thing would scare the hell out of Natalia, and she'd be forced to remain celibate for the rest of her life. What was she to become—a fucking Nun? She silently groused. No. That wouldn't do. A Priest would be better. They have more power. Yes. If she were forced to be celibate, she would be a Priest, she decided. She chocked that internal rant up to raging hormones and terminal horniness with no hope of mutual release, and turned her attention back to Natalia. Well, sort of…

Oh, and she wanted to be snarky… but something in Natalia's tone, in her eyes, stopped Olivia in her tracks; and she bolted Natalia to the sofa with apologetic eyes. Apologetic. That, even in itself, was a new notion for Olivia Spencer. Apologetic anything was foreign to her. The concept wasn't something she even considered; let alone actually practiced. In fact, she had spent an entire lifetime avoiding any circumstance where an apology on her part would be necessary. And if, by some errant chance, she was forced to admit she was wrong, she simply bullied her way out; rejecting any responsibility for her actions. And so, before Natalia, these concepts of regret, apology, and atonement had been novel to her.

At first, she had donned them with hesitance; uncomfortable with her inability to predict how Natalia would react. An insecure, "I'm sorry—," was all she could manage to utter in most situations; and even those tripped out, cloaked in the shell of a whisper.

And now it seemed as though apologizing was all Olivia did. She apologized for things that didn't make sense—to her, or Natalia. She apologized for things she didn't even do. She apologized for everything, including the fact that it had snowed again the previous Thursday night, thus ruining their date-night plans; which was clearly ridiculous. This time, though, she truly understood why an apology was owed; and Natalia would receive it.

"I'm sorry, Natalia," Olivia said, softly. She touched Natalia's cheek, tenderly. "I shouldn't have brought your faith, your values, into this," she admitted, forthrightly. "I only meant to tease you, but I went too far, and I'm sorry that I hurt you."

Natalia closed her eyes; anger slowly abating. "Don't you get it, Olivia?" she sighed. "My soul has never been much of a battleground either. Least not until I met you…"

Olivia's expression immediately took on an air of guiltiness; and Natalia quickly responded with a reassurance. "I'm not blaming you for anything, Liv. It's not about you, it's about me."

Nodding, Olivia's expression changed into one of guarded curiosity. "Explain. Please," she quietly encouraged; complete change in attitude evident in her physical demeanor as well as her tone.

Natalia exhaled slowly. "Other than getting pregnant with Rafe when I was sixteen; which admittedly wasn't the brightest thing I could've done, I've lived an extremely chaste existence," she expounded. "God and I came to terms about Rafe, and I understand that while my choices weren't exactly what He may have planned for my life, my son was a gift, a blessing from Him… One that I have treasured since the day he was born."

The mother in Olivia emerged then, as she thought of her own children, and what amazing blessings her daughters were to her; how much joy they brought to her once-acrid heart. "I can understand that," she quietly interjected; eyes locked on Natalia's face as she listened intently. She set the book down on the coffee table, and took Natalia's hands into her own.

Natalia drew in a deep breath; exhaled slowly again, and continued. "I promised God that if He would forgive me, and protect my son from harm, I would live my life for Him; according to His laws… And I held true to that promise in every aspect of my life; especially when it came to sex. From the time Gus left, until Rafe and I found him again, I never looked at another man; never even considered being with anyone else," she explained. "Then Gus was gone again; this time forever," she said sadly; eyes downcast for a moment. "And Frank was just… a horrible mistake," she added; feeling as though she needed to at least briefly address her recent indiscretion.

Then she met with Olivia's eyes. "When Gus died, you were here, and… it didn't matter that we didn't like one another, because I knew that God put you in my life for a reason. And whether either of us liked it or not, you needed me, as much as I needed you… But you pushed me away every time I tried to get close to you… and you bullied me, until I wanted to throttle you… You angered me more than any person I've ever known," she counted; voice thick with the frustrations of the past. "And in the midst of all the biting sarcasm and acrimonious interactions," she continued; voice softening, "you challenged me… in ways no one ever had before… You challenged me… to be more than I ever thought I could be… And finally the walls came down… and you loved me, as much as I loved you," she explicated; tears brimming in dark eyes, threatening to spill over. "The very existence of this amazing love flies in the face of everything I have ever known or believed, Olivia; and I waged a battle against my own soul trying to come to terms with what I feel for you. I still can't say that I fully understand it, but I know that a love this big, and this deep, can only come from God. This love is real, and it's good. It's everything that I need. The only thing I want. And I just… I wanna make sure I don't mess it up… I promised God I wouldn't mess it up," she finished; eyes downcast again.

"HeyLook, you're not alone in this, Sweetheart," Olivia quietly attempted to normalize. She gently tipped Natalia's chin up, searching those dark, expressive eyes. "I've never been any good at relationships. I've been divorced more times than Erica Kane for Chri… uhh… Pete's sake."

"Thank you…"

"Welcome…" Olivia grinned. "I… seduce my way into getting what I want, and when that doesn't work, I bully my way there. I love to argue…"

"Clearly—"

Olivia made a face at her. "I'm terrible at compromising," she continued. "I'm even worse at making apologies. I'm completely incorrigible—you've told me so yourself," she said, wryly. "I have absolutely no patience. I'm accustomed to taking what I want, and leaving the rest for someone else to clean up. I'm impossible to live with, and I—"

"You're not impossible to live with…" Natalia interrupted. "At least not now that I've tamed you," she teased.

Olivia stopped mid-thought; stapling Natalia to the sofa with a deliberate stare. "Out of all of that, the only thing you dispute is that I'm impossible to live with?"

"Pretty much."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "Touché," she grinned; conceding to the appropriateness of Natalia's witty response. "At least you're honest."

She sighed; discontented with her customary pattern of behaviors. "I… I don't want it to be that way with you," she declared; softening her tone. "I told you before—after you and Gus gave me a second chance at life, I promised myself that, if I was ever lucky enough to fall in love again, I would do exactly the opposite of everything I've ever done in my past. I promised you that, too, Natalia. I've already screwed it up more than I've gotten it right, but I promise I'll always try."

"That's good enough for me," Natalia quietly replied; leaning in to kiss Olivia softly.

Simultaneously, they glanced at the book on the table, and burst into laughter. Natalia dropped her head into Olivia's lap; each woman reveling in how easily they laughed and cried, bickered and bantered, argued and loved… together.

"I'm sorry, but… the irony… Oh! This is just funny," Olivia half-apologized; still laughing.

"I know—I can't believe I bought it, either," Natalia confessed; embarrassment receding, as she sat up, shaking her head as their laughter continued unabated. "You have no idea how many rosaries."

"I'll bet," Olivia grinned.

Her mood sobered a bit then, as she watched Natalia closely; and she willfully straightened her demeanor. "Every time I think you couldn't possibly surprise me more…" she quietly measured. Leaving the remainder of the thought unspoken, she reached out to caress the younger woman's face. "You simply amaze me," she breathed.

"Is that a good thing?" Natalia timidly inquired; searching jade eyes.

"Oh, yeah," Olivia sighed, contentedly. She drew in a breath, and set out to allay Natalia's insecurities. "Sweetheart, I don't know what I'm doing either."

"Well, for someone who doesn't know what she's doing, you sure did a bang-up job the other night," Natalia grinned, "and we didn't even really do anything."

"Thank you," Olivia grinned; looking quite pleased with her accomplishment.

"That wasn't exactly a compliment."

"Oh—"

After recovering from her embarrassing moment, Olivia tipped Natalia's chin; searching her eyes. "I'm glad we can talk about this, Natalia," she said, softly.

"I know my natural tendency is to overanalyze," Natalia admitted.

"Oh, really?" Olivia injected; grinning facetiously. "I never would've known."

Natalia confined her with a look. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" Olivia asked; feigning total ignorance of her transgression.

"Make jokes when I'm trying to be serious."

"You get my jokes…" Olivia volleyed.

"I don't think you're funny," Natalia replied flatly; challenging the older woman with her eyes.

The banter was so comfortable, so familiar; like their favorite old quilt.

"I'm a little bit funny," Olivia argued; grinning, as she pinched her thumb and forefinger together to demonstrate exactly how much.

"Maybe a little—," Natalia grudgingly conceded.

"Yay! I win!" Olivia squealed excitedly. Bouncing up and down on the sofa, she looked much like her eight-year-old daughter at the mention of banana pancakes.

"Oh, Olivia…" Natalia exhaled; rolling her eyes and shaking her head, as she smiled at the hotelier. It was moments such as this where she caught a glimpse of the real Olivia… the little girl inside the barracuda. It warmed her heart; causing her to fall even more deeply in love. "Anyway… As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me," she teasingly chastised, "I know my natural tendency is to overanalyze just about everything," she reiterated, "but—"

"But you don't want to talk about it anymore?" Olivia inquired; seeking clarification. Now she was confused.

"No… I'm not saying that at all," Natalia replied. "On the contrary, I love that we've had such an open dialogue about it—it's helped me feel more at ease," she confessed.

Olivia breathed a deep sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're okay with the idea of us being together," she said. "Now, if only I could get my own act together," she added; her nearly inaudible voice sounding frustrated and regretful.

Natalia allowed her gaze to sweep Olivia's face; resting on her eyes. "I told you before, I'm totally okay with it, Honey… with all of it, including waiting," she confirmed. "Making love with you is… it's what I want, more than anything. I've never denied that. And, in fact, I think you'll agree that between the two of us, I've been more of the aggressor." She blushed slightly.

Olivia smiled. She couldn't disagree about the aggressor part. In fact, she had to admit it surprised her quite a lot how openly interested Natalia was in sex.

"But I have to admit that part of me was relieved that you were holding out," Natalia was saying. "It took a lot of pressure off of me," she admitted. "And I feel bad about that, because I've been letting you take the blame, when really, we've both had our fears. Y'know, I still don't completely understand what's going on for you—and I don't need to," she quickly reassured. "But for me, I'm nervous about… how it all works. And if I'm being honest with myself, the closer the time comes, the more nervous it makes me. I mean, our bedroom furniture is scheduled for delivery while we're on vacation, and then…" She let out an edgy sigh.

"So… you bought the book," Olivia deduced.

Natalia nodded her head. "Yeah, I bought the book," she sighed again. "I'm nervous about—," she gulped; gathering courage to lend voice to her thoughts.

"About what?"

"About… pleasing you," she admitted shyly; a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

Olivia smiled softly at her; gently cupping the insecure woman's cheek. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I've had… a lot of sex…" The tone of her voice made it clear exactly what she meant by "a lot".

"So not helping."

Olivia laughed. "Natalia, listen to me," she gently implored. "To me, sex has never really been about love. It's been about power and control; even when I really did love the guy. I used it to get what I wanted—even if all I wanted was to get off," she stated, bluntly.

"Olivia—"

"What?"

"Why do you have to be so vulgar?"

"I'm being honest, Natalia," Olivia countered; squaring the naive woman with her eyes. "And I'm not going to apologize. Not this time. I told you before—sex isn't always polite."

"Well, it doesn't have to be pornographic either," Natalia mumbled under her breath.

Olivia laughed and shook her head. "Look… I won't apologize for who I've been," she stated, firmly. "You told me before that you love me for the woman I am; and that the woman I am, is exactly the woman I'm meant to be. And in my estimation, the woman I am, is the sum total of everything I've ever experienced, everything I've ever known, everything I've ever been."

Giving Olivia credit for points well presented, Natalia nodded her acquiescence.

"I love you, Natalia," she stated, resolutely. "You've changed me… in ways I'm still trying to comprehend. And I love those changes," she confessed. "But I'm still Olivia Spencer. I like power… and I like control. I'm a ruthless barracuda in the boardroom, and I'm still gonna get what I want," she candidly stated. "I'm just not gonna use sex to get it. I've had enough of that kind of sex in my life, and I'm tired of it," she admitted. "I want love now… Real love… The kind that lasts a lifetime," she confessed; voice fading to whispers. "The kind I feel for you."

Natalia searched those deep jade eyes; silently offering appreciation to Olivia for her candor. Her choice of vernacular may not always be easy to digest; but it was always honest, and Natalia respected that about her. "This—you and me—really is the lifetime kind, isn't it."

It wasn't really a question, but Olivia nodded her head in quiet confirmation anyway, as she reached out, drawing Natalia into her arms. She kissed the younger woman's temple. "Yes—," she whispered confidently against her ear. "I promise you, this one's forever."

"Amen," came the whispered reply, as Natalia willingly sank into Olivia's embrace.

Olivia closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, as she held Natalia close; feeling the younger woman's heart, beating in tandem with her own. "Don't be nervous about us making love, Sweetheart," she whispered; attempting to soothe her own fears even more so than her would-be lover's. "Something tells me we're in perfect sync." The reassurance was meant for herself, even more so than Natalia, and she prayed that someday soon, she would believe it, wholeheartedly. "So maybe if we focus on just being together…"

"The rest will take care of itself?" Natalia posed; more a statement than a question.

"Yeah—," Olivia sighed contentedly. As much as Olivia Spencer craved power and control, she craved the love and security of this extraordinary woman, exponentially more. She knew that, truth be told, she was putty in this woman's hands. And with this woman, for the first time in her life, she didn't mind at all…

Her thoughts returning to the present, Olivia couldn't help the chuckle that percolated on her lips, as she thought about that book. They had agreed to read it together—after making love for the first time. Natalia's line of thinking was to be prepared; while Olivia's fear was that some of the contents of that book would only serve to scare the shit out of Natalia—and quite frankly, herself, as well. She thought it best to ease into things, rather than giving Natalia a crash course in lesbian sex. Eventually, Natalia had come around to Olivia's way of thinking, allowing the skittish hotelier to breathe a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was Natalia freaking out before they even got started—admittedly, Olivia was doing enough freaking out for both of them.

Sitting there on the edge of the pier, Olivia silently pondered those moments with Natalia, and she gained new appreciation for their value—they left her knowing, beyond all doubt, that Natalia loved her. And that, provided an invitation, Natalia would have willingly, eagerly, given herself to Olivia, all those weeks ago.

Yet her fear still lingered. She was afraid that one day that love would go away, and she knew she would never survive that kind of loss. It wasn't that she didn't trust Natalia—it was more that she had always shared a rather adversarial relationship with fate. Olivia Spencer never got the happy ending. It always eluded her. And the mere thought of finally having everything she had ever wanted, only to have it stolen from her arms, was more than she could bear. It was a fear that plagued her, every day. It was the self-recrimination she had felt over even having such fear that had sent her scrambling from their bed that morning, leaving Natalia once again wondering what was so wrong.

An unassailable pang of guilt suddenly snapped inside her, and immediately she found her purchase. The aging wooden planks of the pier moaned beneath her feet, as she ran toward the shore. And then, the sand was flying in her wake, as sure-footedly, she ran at breakneck speed back toward the cottage. She didn't have a clue as to how, but she knew she had to make things right with Natalia.

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Beach, Vineyard Sound—8:30 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Making her way along the seascape just south of the cottage, Natalia remembered Olivia's response upon first glance at her in the royal blue dress she had chosen for their date night, the evening prior. She stepped into the family room, and instinctively, Olivia had turned on the heel of her black designer boots. The response was immediate—the subtle catching of Olivia's breath; the appreciation, the desire that flickered in the depths of those sparkling jade eyes, as they slowly perused Natalia's body from head to toe. It felt like being ensconced in a vortex of heat that she never wanted to escape.

A slow smile teased at the corners of Olivia's mouth, and she extended a hand as she stepped forward. Natalia accepted it, and Olivia pulled her close. "You're absolutely stunning." Delivered on a fettered breath, Olivia's eyes never left Natalia's.

Blushing, Natalia quietly thanked her. And then her fingers brushed Olivia's cheek. "You're quite stunning, yourself, Ms. Spencer," she murmured. "So sexy, you make my head spin."

Olivia's eyes flickered again, and she offered a quiet smile. "Thank you," she whispered.

Gazing into those eyes, Natalia noted how much she loved the fact that the heels on Olivia's boots were low enough that it placed them on equal ground. Before they came together, Natalia's eyes had swept over the hotelier, taking in the image of her in that crisp white fitted shirt with the cuffed sleeves and cropped collar, perfectly accentuating her favorite Armani suit. Everything about the woman exuded power and sensuality, and it made Natalia hot with desire that was growing increasingly impossible to control. She leaned in, taking Olivia's mouth in kiss that spoke of the heat that swelled within her, from merely looking at the object of her desire.

Then she remembered how incredibly sexy Olivia looked driving Lena's shiny silver BMW convertible. It was a hot little turbo-boosted five-speed, and watching Olivia manipulate the gears had nearly sent Natalia into overdrive. Each time Olivia depressed the clutch and shifted the gears, Natalia swallowed hard as she watched the muscles of Olivia's left inner thigh and right bicep flex, straining against the material of her gray trousers and suit jacket. The ride to Lambert's Cove had suffused her body with such molten desire that she wondered if she would even survive dinner, let alone the ride home.

And then her thoughts turned to the memory of dancing in Olivia's arms after their romantic candlelight dinner, of holding her hand, their fingers intertwined as they walked along the surf, and kissing her in the moonlight on the beach at Lambert's Cove. Everything about their evening had been unbelievably romantic, and they were still floating on that blissful high when they slipped into bed, and began a slow, sensual exploration of mouths and skin that for a while, Natalia actually believed would finally lead to lovemaking. But much to her disappointment, she had been wrong. She couldn't even bring herself to think about what had transpired before Olivia left her in their bed that morning. She was ruefully embarrassed by her own behavior, and worried beyond reason about Olivia.

Scaling halfway up one of the myriad sand dunes that, along with the scrub, formed a barrier between the beach and the multimillion dollar homes that lay beyond, she carved out a seat, and carefully lowered herself to the surface. The chill of the early morning ocean breeze caught deep in her lungs as she breathed it in. Shivering, she drew her knees up, and pulled her warm-up jacket tightly around her; wishing instead that Olivia was there to warm her.

And then her thoughts were focused solely on Olivia. The woman was a study in contrasts, and Natalia loved the sundry shades of her, even the ones that were sometimes dark and gray. They defined Olivia; and Natalia loved her exactly the way she was, no questions asked.

As she pondered the current state of their relationship, she wasn't concerned that Olivia would leave her, despite the fact that she had abandoned her in their bed that morning. That concern had been laid to rest by Olivia's quiet reassurances. The hotelier's erratic behavior hadn't shaken Natalia's faith in her. Nothing could.

And she wasn't frustrated with her, either. Not after hearing Lena and Bianca's story, and how Lena had simply chosen to love, with no expectation of anything physical between them ever again. How could Natalia choose anything less, when she loved Olivia so much? It wasn't even a choice. And besides, she had caused this morning's scene all on her own. She had been the one who started it. Olivia was simply escaping what she could not handle at the moment.

She wasn't even angry with Olivia. The reality was, Natalia was scared for her. She had never seen the strong, vibrant woman look as lost as she had that morning. It ripped her heart to shreds just thinking about it. What is it that torments you so, my Love? Why can't you just talk to me? There is nothing I wouldn't understand, if you would only give me a chance.

Bowing her head, she did the only thing that she knew to do—she prayed for guidance and understanding, and once again, for patience as she and Olivia waded through the unfamiliar waters of their burgeoning relationship. And for the first time in nearly a week, she honestly felt as though God not only heard her, but He really listened. She had faith that an answer to her prayer would soon be forthcoming…

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—9:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Her thoughts returning to Lena, Olivia choked back anger and tears. She could still see the pain in Natalia's eyes as she pulled away from her that morning, and it ripped her to shreds knowing that she had been the cause of it. Plaintively, she turned toward Lena. "I stopped it, before I lost complete control. But I still let things go a lot farther than I should have… I've done that to her so many times, Lena. I've been so unfair to her…"

Lena eyed her carefully as she took a sip of her coffee. Let things go farther than she should have? She pondered the meaning of Olivia's statement. Up until that point, the hotelier hadn't said a single word the entire time she stared out that window. And now, what she had said, left Lena both curious and confused.

Uncomfortable under Lena's austere gaze, Olivia turned back toward the window.

Lena could see the taut chord of tension that snapped through the muscles of Olivia's neck, shoulders, and back. "Don't you think you're being rather hard on yourself?"

"Not in the slightest," Olivia answered, coldly.

"Olivia, there's nothing wrong with—"

Turning again, this time on a dime, Olivia glared at Lena with fire in her eyes. "She offered to let me get myself off while she was lying on top of me—because I was ready to explode, and I won't let her touch me, Lena!" Her voice was sharp as a razor, and laced with pain. "There's very definitely something wrong with that!" That entire last sentence was delivered with an emphasis that stung like alcohol on an open wound.

Shocked by the statement, Lena felt a physical jolt. It knocked her against the back of the chair. "What do you mean you won't let her touch you?"

The expression on Olivia's face told Lena what Olivia couldn't bring herself to admit. She folded her newspaper, setting it on the table. "My God, you haven't had sex with her yet." Her voice was gentle, but firm; and her tone conveyed that she was clearly stunned. Given the way they looked at one another, the way they touched, she was finding it difficult to even fathom. Yet Olivia's face told her it was true.

Motionless, Olivia said nothing.

"What's going on, Spencer? Why are you still stalling?"

"I'm not stalling—" Olivia's denial was fervent. "It's just… the timing isn't right…"

Lena studied her over the rim of her coffee cup. She followed her gut instincts, and set the mug firmly on the table. "Oh, bullshit!" she cursed; blatantly calling Olivia on her crap. "You're just scared…"

Olivia's expression turned indignant; jade eyes flashing. "What the hell are you talking about? I am not scared of sex!" she vehemently denied.

From her vast experience in reading Olivia Spencer, the flashing of those eyes told Lena two things: She was on the right path with her assertions, and a soft touch wasn't going to get her anywhere with this particular conversation. She needed to royally piss the hotelier off if she wanted to get to the truth. So she pulled out all the stops. "Of sex? No—," she willingly concurred; giving Olivia just the slightest bit of hope that her bluff was working.

Relaxing a bit, Olivia took a drink of her lukewarm coffee, and set the mug back onto the counter, just in time for Lena to pull the rug right back out from under her. "Of sexual intimacy? Oh, you bet!"

Olivia's chest tightened, as her anger intensified.

"And of sexual intimacy with someone you love as deeply as you love Natalia? Oh, Fuck, Yes—," Lena said, bluntly. "I think it terrifies the shit out of you."

"Fuck you, Kundera," Olivia snapped. It took everything in her power not to send that coffee cup sailing across the room, along with everything else on the countertop. She crossed her arms, partially in defiance, but mostly to keep her hands under control.

Completely unshaken by the hotelier's fiery response, Lena's lips twisted into a knowing grin. "Petulant as ever, I see," she said, smoothly. "Nice to know some things never change…"

Olivia shot her a look that told her to piss the fuck off. It caused Lena's grin to widen.

"I just don't get it, Spencer. You're completely in love with her. She's obviously completely in love with you. You live and work together. You're raising Emma together. You're about to have another baby with her, and you're clearly happy about that," Lena said, laying out the facts. "And yet you won't take her to bed?" She sounded both dumbfounded and annoyed. "That's just… asinine."

Again, Olivia glared at her.

"You're just pissed because you know I'm right," Lena shot back toward the silent grouse. There was the slightest hint of arrogance in her tone, as she patted herself on the back for knowing the hotelier so well.

Lena remained quiet then, allowing her words to sink in. Several long moments elapsed, and finally Olivia hunkered down, her shoulders dropping in defeat. It did no good to lie to this woman. Lena saw right through her. "Sometimes I really hate you," she mumbled.

"Yeah, well… once you get over yourself, and take that raven goddess of yours to bed, you'll love me for pushing your buttons like this," Lena declared; grinning devilishly at her friend.

Eyes downcast, Olivia shoved her hands into her pockets, and bit her lower lip. Every single argument, every moment of doubt, every fear came rolling back on Olivia as she stood there in front of this woman who understood her so well. And one by one, they all began to tumble from her lips. "What does it mean that I'm only attracted to her, and not to other women?" she asked.

"It means you've fallen in love with her for who she is inside," Lena reasoned.

"But what does that make me?" Olivia asked, quietly.

"Why does that matter?" Lena challenged.

"Because I don't know who I am anymore," Olivia confessed, in a quavering voice. Loving Natalia had torn away her defenses, stripped her bare, leaving her more vulnerable than she had ever been in her entire life.

"You're the same dynamic woman you've always been, Olivia," Lena assured. "If being in love with her makes you a lesbian, will you walk away from her?"

"Never!" Olivia sounded incredulous that Lena would even suggest such a thing.

"Then it doesn't really matter, now does it?" Lena reasoned. She paused for a beat, waiting for a response. When none was forthcoming, she continued, "Seriously, Spence, what are you so afraid of? It's obvious that you love her. And it's equally as obvious that she wants to be with you…"

Olivia sighed heavily. "What if it's… bad, Lena?" she asked meekly; offering Lena a deeper glimpse into her insecurities. Though, she had no intention of giving the deepest of her insecurities away. Not without a fight. Even if those insecurities had been the impetus that brought her to this place, to this woman, for guidance.

"Bad sex? With You?" Lena laughed, heartily. "Now that's an oxymoron, if ever I heard one."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean, Kundera," she retorted.

"No—actually, I don't," Lena said, her tone turning serious. "So why don't you tell me." It wasn't a suggestion. "Are you worried about not feeling physically stimulated by a woman's body?"

"Oh, trust me, that's not really a problem." Delivered on a laugh, there was no humor in it. "Natalia can turn me on with nothing more than look…"

"Well, I didn't think so… Not after what I heard out of you this morning." Lena sounded amused. "And I'm not even going to get into all of the eye fucking I've witnessed between the two of you this week…" she mumbled.

"Oh, shut up," Olivia barked.

"I'll shut up when you get real with me," Lena bargained. So far, all she was hearing was a pile of bullshit. Well, not complete bullshit; she knew there was truth to everything Olivia was saying. But it was a long way away from the truth in its entirety.

"Fine," Olivia sighed. She hated being backed into a corner. "What if it's not… y'know—my thing."

"You mean… what if it isn't as satisfying as sex with men?" Lena asked, by way of clarification.

"Sort of, yeah—," Olivia bashfully confessed. What if it isn't enough? What if I get restless? Monogamy isn't exactly my strong suit, and I would never want to hurt her. She knew herself well, and she was never any good at fidelity; even when the sex was spectacular. "Is that terrible of me?" she asked; crinkling her nose, as she bit her lower lip.

Lena looked at her with eyes of compassion then. "I know this is really new for you," she said, empathically. Reaching out to Olivia, she squeezed her friend's hand.

Olivia nodded. "It really is," she sighed.

Lena thought for a moment, searching for a way to help. "Look—," she sighed softly, "I won't pretend to understand what it's like coming from the perspective of someone who's only ever been with men. But what I can tell you, is that no matter how sexually satisfied you've been with lovers in the past, it's nothing compared to how you'll feel with the one you really love. And I know you love her…" She emphasized how strongly she believed that.

Olivia glanced up, meeting Lena's eyes. "I know it sounds totally cliché, but… I've never loved anyone the way I love her." The admission was quiet, almost bashful.

Lena offered her an understanding smile. "I don't think that's cliché at all, Olivia," she gently normalized. "I feel the same way about Bianca. And like you, I had a lot of sex—really great sex, actually, with a lot of people, before she came along. But I never really made love with anyone until I fell in love with her. Just by being who she is, she fills an emptiness inside me that no one else ever touched, and making love with her, only enhances that feeling of completion."

Jade eyes turned liquid with tears. "Natalia already fills that same kind of emptiness in me," she acknowledged, her voice nearly inaudible. "I think that's what worries me, y'know, if we go there, and things don't… work—for one… or both of us…" Her voice trailed off, allowing Lena to fill in the gaps.

Now they were starting to get somewhere. It still wasn't the whole story, but it was a place to finally dig in. Closing her eyes for a moment, Lena took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Let me tell you what I learned about love and sex after Bianca was raped…" she said, softly.

"Lena, you don't have to—"

"I want to," Lena said, reassuringly. "I think it might help you."

Olivia nodded her head solemnly; knowing that what Lena was about to share wouldn't be easy. She was profoundly thankful that her friend was willing to forgo her own discomfort, to offer support and insight.

"Bianca and I had the most amazing sexual relationship before Michael attacked her. No one had ever made me feel so safe, so fulfilled, so loved," Lena shared; the memories of all they had been through washing over her. "But for months afterward, she was so traumatized that she couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me, let alone allow me to touch her, or hold her, or make love with her."

"Lena, I'm so sorry—," Olivia quietly empathized; gently squeezing her friend's hand.

Lena chuckled softly. "Don't be sorry—you know this story has a happy ending." She smiled, reassuringly. "But before we made our way to happily ever after, I had a choice to make: I could build a future with her the way I had planned, accepting that we might never be physically intimate again, or I could cut my losses, and walk away," she stated, forthrightly.

"Those are really shitty choices," Olivia observed, truly feeling for her friend. Needing distance, Olivia moved from the table, and braced herself against the breakfast counter.

Lena smiled softly at her, nodding her head in agreement. "Truth is, there was never really a choice to be made, because I loved her more than anything in this world, and… I quickly came to the realization that I could live without sex, but… I couldn't live without her. Not even for a moment. So, I asked her to marry me, without another thought about whether or not we would ever be sexually intimate again. And that was the beginning of the happy ending we've been living for the past five years." She sighed, blissfully. "I guess what I'm saying is this: So what, if the sex is bad?" she asked, rhetorically; shrugging her shoulders. "If you love her as much as you say you do, you'll find other ways to share intimacy." Glancing up, she caught Olivia's gaze. "In fact, I'm certain you already have."

Olivia nodded. She certainly couldn't argue. There had been countless moments shared with Natalia that were far more intimate than anything she had ever shared with anyone in the past, fully clothed or not.

Noting Olivia's tacit response, Lena continued, "And those things that drew you together in the first place, will still be there, growing stronger," she knowingly informed. "It's all about making a commitment, and sticking with it, no matter how difficult the journey."

She exhaled a deep, cleansing breath then, and met Olivia's eyes unwaveringly. "Look, in all honesty, Spence, I'm betting that sex with Natalia won't leave either of you disappointed, because when you're with the one you love, the one who completes you, it becomes more about the emotional connection between the two of you, than the physical act in and of itself," she explained; marveling at how unbelievably true her statement was, and even more at the fact that such wisdom had come from her own mouth.

"When did you get so wise?" There was affection and admiration in Olivia's eyes and tone, and a grateful smile on her lips.

"When I almost lost the best thing that ever happened to me, because I wasn't honest with her," Lena said, forthrightly. "I lied to her, I manipulated her emotions, I used her as a pawn in Michael's sadistic games—all because I was too afraid to face my fears, and fight back against him." Her tone softened as she continued, "I wasn't worthy of her love, Olivia. And I sure as hell didn't deserve her forgiveness. But she gave both to me anyway, along with every other part of her; and I am so thankful for her, every single day."

"Lucky you, huh?" Olivia said, softly.

"Definitely, lucky me," Lena agreed, wholeheartedly, as she watched her friend with measured interest. The depth of emotion in Olivia's voice had spoken volumes to her; but she held that information in check for the moment, as she allowed thoughts to linger.

Finally, Olivia released a soft sigh. "You've given me a lot to think about," she quietly acknowledged. "Thank you." She paused for a beat; then pushed away from the breakfast counter. "I need a shower…"

Grinning, Lena said, with humor in her tone, "Yes, you do."

"Shut up," Olivia barked. But the warmth of her hand as it squeezed Lena's shoulder belied the gruffness of her tone. And then she was sauntering down the hall toward the promise of hot water that would wash away the filth from her body, but could do nothing to cleanse the grime in her soul.

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—9:45 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Bianca wandered into the kitchen with Alex in her arms, finding Lena still engrossed in her paper. Smiling, she said, "You're not finished with that yet?" There was a touch of amusement in her tone.

Glancing up at her wife, Lena smiled. "I got a little sidetracked by a chat with Olivia," she reported.

Mocha eyes sparked with enlightenment. "Ah…" Bianca breathed out. "I'm sure she needed it," she commented. "Clearly something's a little off with the two of them." She reached up, untangling insistent little fingers from her curly dark tresses.

Alexandria whined in protest, and Bianca grinned at her. "Somebody's a little grouchy bear this morning," she said, playfully, as she lifted the toddler over her head, jostling her.

Watching her wife play with their youngest child brought an appreciative smile to Lena's face. She loved watching Bianca with their girls. And her conversation with Olivia had left her hyperaware of the blessings in her life.

Receiving a delighted squeal for her efforts, Bianca returned Alex to her right hip.

Setting her paper aside, Lena rose to her feet, moving toward them. She pulled Bianca close, and lightly nuzzled against her face, before pressing a tender kiss to her lips. "I love you," she murmured softly.

Bianca smiled as she searched the stunning landscape of Lena's countenance. Those words were so often whispered when they were making love, but it was the quiet, unexpected moments like this that she loved to hear them the most.

Lena didn't expect a response, and Bianca didn't offer one. She simply slipped the fingers of her left hand into Lena's soft raven locks, as her eyes flickered down to that mouth; the one that so often bestowed such delectable pleasure upon her body. And then she leaned in, tenderly capturing Lena's mouth, lingering until the child she held between them whined in protest, demanding to be freed.

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—10:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

When Olivia returned from her shower, she poured a fresh cup of coffee, and joined Lena at the table. They sat quietly for a long while, as Lena allowed Olivia more time to process all that she had said. And finally, when she could stand the silence no more, she looked her squarely in the eyes once again. "So, now that story time is over, why don't you try telling me what's really going on?" she said, bluntly.

Olivia cursed under her breath, and then out loud. "Damn it, Kundera, why can't you leave this alone," she snapped. It wasn't a question. "I already told you what's really going on." Her voice was adamant, and she released a frustrated sigh.

But Olivia's defensiveness told Lena another story.

"I believe that those fears are real for you, Spence," Lena said, by way of empathizing, "but that's not the only thing churning around inside of you. I know it. You know it. And so does Natalia." The challenge in her tone was gentle, yet firm. "So whether you want to deal with this or not, you need to work your crap out—and I mean all of it—before you really fuck this up."

"Damn you, Kundera," Olivia hissed.

Lena refused to be deterred by Olivia's blustering. "Look, I get you, Spencer. Always have," she said, gently; offering the hotelier a crooked smile. "And I think that's because we're so damned much alike," she expounded. "It wasn't so long ago that I was in your shoes, battling with my own fears about intimacy. I felt insecure, and unworthy, because of all my past mistakes. But most of all, I was afraid to allow myself to love her completely, because…"

"Because you wouldn't survive if you lost her…" Olivia's voice was soft, tear-filled. "You had already lost so much, and…"

"Yeah—" Lena sounded breathless, as she sniffed back tears of her own. The pain was worth it, though, because Olivia had just given her a glimpse into the real heart of the matter. She glanced up, meeting hazy jade eyes. "But this isn't about me, Spence. It's about you, and we need to finish our conversation." It wasn't a suggestion.

Olivia nodded, albeit grudgingly. She so did not want to finish that conversation.

When Olivia said nothing in response, Lena sighed, heavily. "Why are you really here, Olivia?"

"What?" Olivia sounded confused. "I told you… Em and I wanted to take Natalia to the beach for spring break..."

"It's April in Massachusetts, Spencer," Lena bluntly pointed out. Emphasizing both time and place, she left Olivia to fill in the blanks.

"Meaning?" Olivia challenged. If Lena expected petulance, she was going to get it in spades.

Lena sighed again. As usual, Olivia wasn't going to make this easy. "Meaning, if you want beach weather in April, you go to the beach house you own on San Cristobel. Not Massachusetts!" Taking a deep breath then, she continued, "So I ask you again: Why are you here, Spencer?" She clearly emphasized their location. "Because it has absolutely nothing to do with the beach."

Olivia gritted her teeth. Sometimes Lena really pissed her off. Interesting, how those times seemed to coincide with Lena accurately calling her on her crap. "Okay, you win," she said, finally resigning herself to the inevitable. She was too emotionally exhausted to keep arguing and dodging the truth. "I'm here because I need you to do the impossible. I need you to teach me to be worthy of her—before she figures out she's too damned good for me, and leaves."

"Now we're getting somewhere." Lena sounded almost smug.

Willfully shoving the emotions aside, Olivia groused, "I really hate that you married a shrink."

Lena's laugh was soft. "She's not a shrink yet," she pointed out.

"Semantics," Olivia countered. And then, all blustering aside, she finally got real with herself. "I'm really scared, Lena," she quietly admitted. "Terrified, actually."

"Of what?" Lena gently pressed.

"That she'll realize what a colossal mistake I am, and leave me!" Olivia huffed. Hadn't she already admitted to that? Damn that Kundera, for making her say it again! Just saying the words felt like a blade piercing her heart. She buried her face in her hands. "If I let her any closer to me, I won't survive it when she leaves." The tears came, unbidden. "Hell, Kundera, I don't even think I would survive it now."

"What has she done to—"

"Nothing—," Olivia sighed heavily, interrupting before Lena could even finish her question. "Absolutely nothing. But that's just it, Lena. None of them ever gave me a reason to worry about that—at least not in the beginning, anyway. And aside from Alex, the times that it really mattered, it was my own fault that they left. I'm the one who fucked it up; not them."

"You need to get a grip on yourself, Spencer," Lena said, forthrightly. "Seriously. I'm looking at the two of you, and thinking about how similar you are to Bianca and me, and wondering why the hell you think she's going to leave you."

"The similarities really are kinda scary, aren't they?" Olivia smiled. A diversionary tactic.

"Downright creepy, if you ask me," Lena responded. She allowed the hotelier the momentary sidestep. "I mean, how the hell did the two of us, with all our fucked up emotional baggage, end up with Mary Poppins and Mother Teresa?"

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the comparisons.

"But let's compare the two of us for a moment," Lena suggested; a strategic turn back to the heart of the matter. "Yes, you've been a ruthless, self-serving, manipulative bitch, but…"

"Gee, thanks," Olivia said, dryly. "I feel so much better now."

Lena gave her a stern look, and continued, "but… compared to the things I've done in the past—the things I did to Bianca, in particular. Honey, you've got nothing on me." She laughed, but there was no humor in it. "But the point is, Bianca stayed. I made things right with her, and she stayed through it all. If Bianca could overlook my heinous past, then there's no way Natalia would judge you for yours."

Olivia opened her mouth to argue, but Lena halted it with the lifting of her hand. "I know, I know, you've done some really fucked up shit, in general, and to Natalia, specifically—mean old horrible rotten nasty bitch, tried to steal her husband, yada, yada, whatever. You told me about all that," she said, throwing their history where it belonged—in the distant past. "But I know you're not that person anymore—I see the changes in you. And it's clear by watching the two of you together that you've made things right with her. This isn't like your past relationships, Spencer. You've built a real foundation with her, and it's one based upon love, and trust, and total acceptance of who you are as individuals, as well as who you can be, together. I can see that—why the hell can't you?"

Olivia sighed heavily, and buried her face in her hands. "Because I'm clearly being an idiot."

"You said it, I didn't," Lena said, dryly.

Olivia made a face at her, and then buried her face in her hands. "You didn't see her this morning, Lena." She sounded as though she were in agony. "She was so open, so willing to just let me take what I needed from her, with no regard for her own needs or desires. Who am I to deserve that kind of love?"

Lena closed her eyes for a moment, remembering a time when Bianca had offered the same thing to her. It was Christmas Eve, and she had just given Bianca the gift of the cottage; and Bianca pulled her close, kissing her, thanking her. She gently pushed Lena down against the pillows, plying her with kisses along the neck and down her chest as she slowly began unbuttoning Lena's blouse.

As Bianca's kisses and caresses became more fervent, Lena's breathing took on a more rapid pace. She attempted to catch her breath, momentarily halting Bianca's ministrations and quietly asked, "Bianca—are you ready to allow me…"

Bianca stopped. Panicked. Staring down at her, she slowly began shaking her head from side to side. "No—" she whispered.

"Then we need to stop—now," Lena warned. "I can't take much more, Sweetheart," she whispered. "I want you, so much."

Bianca bent down, running her tongue along Lena's neck and up to her ear, "Then just let me…" she whispered, as she drew Lena's earlobe into her mouth. "Please, Baby—just let me love you," she quietly entreated. "I don't need anything in return."

"No, Sweetheart," Lena quietly replied, gently pulling away from Bianca's kiss. "Not until you're ready."

Bianca buried her head against Lena's chest, "Why?" she whispered. It was almost a cry. "You give me so much. I just want to give you something in return," she said, forlornly.

Lena tipped her chin up, staring into those deep, brown eyes, "Because I don't want to go to our place without you." She lifted up to kiss Bianca then, "When you're ready, Sweetheart, we'll go there, together."

And though there were moments when it practically killed her to be so close to Bianca, and not be able to touch her, be touched by her, Lena had stuck to her word. With no guarantee that Bianca would ever be ready for more, Lena chose to simply love her, and be thankful for all that they shared. And in the end, her steadfast love and patience had been given back to her, a million fold.

"Who is either one of us, to deserve that kind of love?" Lena asked, quietly. She regarded Olivia with teary eyes, and a soft smile. They were so much alike in so many ways, and Lena related intimately with Olivia's struggle. "And yet, they do love us, so selflessly. So the question becomes, what kind of fools would we be, to take that kind of love for granted?"

There were tears in Olivia's eyes, as she nodded her head. "And yet, I have, so many times," she murmured. "I just left her there this morning, with barely a word. One minute, she was offering herself to me with such selflessness, and the next, I was leaving her in our bed, completely wrecked." She closed her eyes, and swallowed around the lump in her throat. "God, I'm such an ass."

"You just left her there, without an explanation?" Lena sounded incensed. "Jesus, Spencer."

Olivia released a self-deprecating sigh. "I know," she mumbled. "I fucked up, Lena."

"I wondered why she didn't eat breakfast with us," Lena muttered, more to herself than to Olivia.

Teary jade turned dark with concern. "She didn't eat?"

Lena shook her head. "No. She just said she needed a walk more than food, and that she didn't know when either of you would be back."

"I'm such a fucking asshole," Olivia vehemently chastised. "She deserves so much better than this."

"Then give her better." Lena's steely eyes and commanding tone left no room for defiance.

Olivia stared at her with fear and uncertainty in her eyes. And when she said nothing in response, Lena softened her tone. "You know, Spence, when we first met, I thought: 'now here's a woman I can be friends with, because we're cut from the same cloth'," she said, forthrightly. "I thought we were just both innately bad," she admitted. "And then for a while, I thought you were better than me, because no matter how bad you were, you were never as dastardly as me."

"And what do you think now?" Olivia asked, tentatively.

"I think…" Lena pondered the question for a moment. "I still think we're cut from the same cloth," she said. "Only now, I realize that we were both just wounded so deeply that we lost sight of our own innate goodness. We just had to find that one special person who could bring out that goodness in us."

"And you think Natalia is that person for me," Olivia said, softly. It wasn't a question.

"I know she is," Lena said with a confident smile and conviction in her tone. "You just need to gain a real understanding of that." She looked at Olivia pointedly then. "It won't happen overnight," she said, knowingly. "It happens over time. But you have to let it. Just open the door, and let her in. Trust her enough to let her love you, Olivia. And I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about opening yourself up to her completely; leaving yourself vulnerable with her, in a way you never have with anyone else. I promise you, it'll be the best gift you've ever given yourself, and the most beautiful gift you could ever give her."

Nodding, Olivia conveyed her acceptance of Lena's counsel.

Lena sat quietly then, allowing Olivia time to ponder their conversation. And after several minutes passed, she reached over, gently squeezing Olivia's hand. "You know what," she said, in an upbeat tone, "Bianca and I are going to take the girls out for the day. Emma too," she declared. "I think you and Natalia could use with an empty house for a while."

A perfectly chiseled eyebrow arched.

Lena grinned mischievously in response. "That's exactly what I'm saying, Spencer," she said, answering the unspoken commentary. "You need to talk to her, tell her what you're feeling. And then you need to step this shit up. Take her out to the hot tub, where you can both relax. Do some serious romancing. And then take that gorgeous woman of yours to bed."

Olivia just stared at her. Lena certainly didn't pull any punches. "I can't have sex with her in your house," she insisted.

Lena chortled. "Why not?" she challenged. "I would have sex in yours."

"Nice." Olivia's tone was wry.

Lena arched an eyebrow. "Have you seen my wife?" she asked rhetorically. "No way in hell I would turn that down," she smirked, drawing a laugh from Olivia.

Joining her in laughter, Lena stood from the table, carrying her empty coffee cup to the sink. Rinsing it out, she set it on the counter, and sauntered back over to Olivia.

Olivia glanced up at her, just as Lena placed a firm hand on her shoulder, squeezing affectionately. "Go find Natalia, huh?" she said, softly. "Tell her that you love her, and that you want to be with her—in every possible way. Tell her why you've been so scared. I bet she'll understand." Her voice was filled with certainty. "And I bet she'll love you more for being honest with her, instead of hiding behind your insecurities. You're not that person anymore, Olivia. You don't need to fear the past repeating itself. She's the one to teach you about absolution—just like Bianca did for me. Trust me on that."

Hot tears burned in her eyes, turning them to liquid jade, as Olivia reached up, squeezing the hand that still lay on her shoulder. "Thank you, Lena," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. "You're the person I needed to hear that from, because you're the one who knew me then."

"You did the same for me once upon a time," Lena quietly acknowledged. "It's the least I could do for you in return." She bent down then, lightly kissing the top of Olivia's head. "I'm going to find my wife now, and tell her how much I love her," she smiled. "And then we're taking the girls on a little outing. Call me when it's safe to come home." Her tone was teasing; her instructions, serious. And with that, Lena picked up her newspaper, and headed toward the family room to drop it in the kindling bin.

"Hey, is that anything like hanging my tie on the doorknob?" Olivia called out, as Lena walked away.

"Yeah, something like that…" Lena called back, grinning as she sauntered down the hall in search of her wife and the girls.

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—10:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Upon Natalia's return, she settled into one of four beach chairs down on the sand just beyond the lower deck. The chairs were a permanent fixture, and only the occasional passerby would stop and sit for a while. Beyond that, no one ever really bothered them. Lena and Bianca didn't mind the uninvited guests, as they were often neighbors, stopping for a breather now and again. And more often than not, one or both of them would wander down to the beach, joining their impromptu guests for a chat.

But this morning, Natalia sat in quiet solitude. With her knees drawn up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs, as she contemplated the picturesque scene before her. Fifty feet ahead, the ocean swelled and waves broke against the shoreline. Beyond that, the waters glistened in the morning sun, as far as the eye could see, and clouds slowly drifted in its shimmery reflection.

A little sand crab scurried along the wet sand left in the water's wake. She smiled, as she remembered their time on Moshup's Beach, and the velvety sound of Olivia's voice whispering against her ear, "I'm crazy about you…"

Gingerly, she wiped a single tear that trickled, unbidden, down her cheek. "I'm crazy about you, too, Olivia," she whispered into the wind. You have no idea how crazy…

The morning was still around her, except for the familiar call of the gulls and sound of the rushing waves, and Natalia was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Bianca approach from behind.

The curve of her spine, the hunch of shoulders, the stillness of her pose, all led Bianca to the conclusion that Natalia was lost in another world. Purposely, she circled around in front of her, so as not to startle her.

"It's a little chilly out here this morning, so I thought you could use this." The wind was steady, pouring in off of the ocean, and Bianca's thick russet tresses fluttered around the chiseled edges of her face as she extended a steaming mug of coffee toward Natalia.

Natalia responded with an appreciative smile. "Thank you," she said, accepting the mug from Bianca's hand. She wrapped her hands around it, allowing the warmth to soak into her skin. "You read my mind."

Catching the expression in Natalia's dark eyes, the corner of Bianca's mouth tipped into a skeptical frown. "Something tells me you have far more than coffee on your mind," she gently recognized. "Rough morning?"

A short laugh escaped Natalia's lungs, but there was no humor in it. "You could say that," she granted.

"Care to talk about it?" Bianca offered. "Or would you prefer to be alone?"

Taking a slow sip of her coffee, Natalia considered the question. She had talked so openly with Bianca about so many things throughout the week, but this, this was so deeply personal. Natalia didn't talk about sex. Hell, before Olivia, she never even thought about it, let alone wanted it. And now, it seemed to be foremost in her thoughts and, much to her paradoxical surprise and chagrin, her body. Even some of the conversations she'd had with Olivia had been difficult, and a part of her felt a little embarrassed about some of the things she had whispered to Olivia in the heat of the moment that morning. How on earth could she talk openly with Bianca?

Yet, something inside her urged her to accept the offer. A bashful smile flickered across her lips, as she set the mug on the arm of the chair. "Something tells me you're the answer to the prayer I prayed this morning."

Smiling softly, Bianca slid into an adjacent chair. Leaning back, she casually crossed her legs. "So, what's up?"

Natalia appreciated Bianca's calm, relaxed manner. It took the edge off of the stress she was feeling. Her eyelids slid closed and she drew in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. And when her eyes met Bianca's again, she bashfully admitted, "I don't really know how to talk about it. It's… well, it's not something I've ever really discussed with anyone before, and it's… kind of embarrassing."

Nodding, Bianca sought clarification. "The subject is embarrassing, or the fact that you're not accustomed to talking about it?"

"Both," Natalia answered bluntly. She looked positively mortified.

Now Bianca's curiosity was piqued. "Must be something really personal," she surmised, deep empathy evident in her tone.

Blushing, Natalia nodded confirmation. "It's, um… it's about… connecting with Olivia," she tentatively explained. "Physically…" She bit her bottom lip, nervously, as her eyes shifted back and forth between the Bianca's steady gaze and the sand at her feet.

"Oh…" Bianca tried not to sound surprised. She couldn't imagine anyone having difficulty connecting with Olivia that way. The woman was sex, personified; not that Bianca was judging her. That was just simply Olivia. "What about it?" she asked, with playful curiosity. She hoped that humorous approach would ease Natalia's obvious discomfiture.

"We don't—," Natalia blurted out without forethought. A deep blush quickly followed.

Blinking, Bianca hoped she didn't look too shocked. "What do you mean, exactly?" she asked, evenly. She wanted to understand the exact nature of the issue before speaking, rather than just jumping in blindly.

Covering her face with her hands to hide her embarrassment, Natalia released a frustrated groan. "Olivia and I, we haven't… Oh, God," she sighed, "I don't know how to say this to you…"

Bianca's breath caught in her chest when she realized what Natalia was trying to tell her. "You mean, you haven't… you're not…" She couldn't say exactly why the notion left her faltering for words. After all, she was more than comfortable talking about sex, in both her personal and professional life. But this truth had taken her aback.

Natalia shook her head in answer. "I know she wants to, I can—" She stopped short of saying just exactly how she knew, and her face turned crimson with embarrassment. "Let's just say that, after this morning, I don't have any doubt…"

Noting Natalia's reaction, the corners of Bianca's mouth twitched into a knowing smile. She averted Natalia's gaze to ease the woman's obvious discomfort. "Well, I won't lie to you, Natalia. I'm really surprised," she admitted.

Stealing a glance at Bianca, Natalia sounded nonplussed, "You are?"

Nodding, Bianca met Natalia's gaze. "Everything about the two of you, your body language, and the way you look at one another, the way you touch, the way you interact, all of it tells me that you're lovers," she commented. "I never would've guessed otherwise, had you not just told me."

"Oh—"

Bianca didn't know whether Natalia sounded more surprised or disappointed. "I take it this is something you'd like to change?" Her tone asked the question.

A slight blush tinted Natalia's cheeks. "Very much so." Her confession was barely audible above the roar of the waves.

"What do you think might be holding you back?" Bianca asked gently.

Natalia considered the question for a good while. "I think, at first, we were both just really scared," she finally admitted. "I mean, neither of us has ever done this before. With a woman, I mean…" she clarified unnecessarily. A sharp laugh escaped her lungs. "Who am I kidding? I barely even have any experience with a man."

A deep sense of empathy and understanding flooded Bianca's eyes, as she watched the swirl of emotions flicker across Natalia's face. "You've worried that you might not be enough for her." It wasn't a question, but rather, a reflection of what she was hearing from Natalia, both in her spoken and unspoken communication. And more than that, it was a reflection of fear that Bianca understood all too intimately.

"I have—yes." Again, Natalia's confession was quiet. "And for a while that helped me keep from pushing her too hard, when I knew she wasn't ready. But lately, all I can think about is how much I want her," she bashfully admitted. She couldn't believe she had actually just said that to Bianca, and hoped that the flush she felt throughout her body didn't reflect on her face.

"Hormones," Bianca grinned knowingly. "They have a mind of their own."

"Don't I know it…" Natalia blew out a sigh.

Bianca chuckled softly. "But it's so much more than hormones, huh?" she said, knowingly.

"Yeah—," Natalia replied, softly. The expression in Natalia's eyes, as she thought about Olivia, reflected in her words. "I'm so in love with her, Bianca, and I just wanna share everything with her."

"I know how you feel," Bianca said, softly. As a therapist, she never would have made such a presumptuous statement. But as a friend, she knew Natalia would feel validated in knowing she wasn't alone.

Natalia smiled at her, having no doubt that Bianca really did relate to her. She weighed her words carefully, before speaking again. "I do. I want it all. But sometimes she acts like she doesn't even know there's more beyond kissing," she shared. "And we both know that isn't true." She released a humorless chuckle as she pondered the irony. "Before we got together, we argued all the time about her laissez-faire attitude toward sex. I hated it, and she just laughed at me for being such a prude."

"Maybe that's why she's holding back," Bianca ventured. "She knows you hold sex in higher regard than she has in the past. Maybe she's beginning to view it a little more like you have."

Proffering Bianca a lingering glance, Natalia's eyes and tone held hopefulness. "You think?"

Pondering Natalia's words and her brief interactions with the two of them that morning, Bianca began piecing things together. "What happened this morning, Natalia?" she gently probed.

Surprised by the question, Natalia struggled for words. Finally, she managed to give Bianca the Reader's Digest PG version of what had happened that morning. Then, red-faced, she stared out at the rolling waves, as she concluded the story, "And then she just left, Bianca," she said, sounding both sad and confused. "She was in so much pain. I could see it in her eyes. But she wouldn't talk to me. She just left…"

Natalia's own pain was palpable to Bianca, and she reached across, gently squeezing her hand. "Sounds to me like you're hurting just as much," she ventured, attending to her friend's pain.

Remaining still for a moment, Natalia allowed Bianca's acknowledgment sink in. "Perhaps so," she finally admitted, "but only because she's so conflicted, and I don't know why. I can't stand seeing her in so much pain."

"Have you told her as much?"

Shaking her head, Natalia explained, "I asked her to talk to me, and she said she just couldn't. So I left it alone, because I promised her in the beginning that I wouldn't push for an explanation. I didn't want to make things worse."

Bianca nodded. "I can understand not wanting to make things worse, Natalia," she gently normalized. "But sometimes a push from someone who loves us is exactly what we need when we're running from ourselves," she said, wisely.

Casting a sideways glance at Bianca, Natalia's eyebrows knit together. "You really think so?"

The parts about Olivia being guilt-ridden, taking the blame for things getting out of control when clearly, they were both involved, stood out to Bianca as being the most salient. Instantly, more of the pieces fell into place. She measured her words carefully before responding. "I think that my wife and your girlfriend are very similar people," she finally commented.

"You and Lena went through something similar?" Natalia was both curious and hopeful.

Bianca nodded. "We did. Lena was hesitant to get involved with me in the beginning. And when she realized she was in love with me, she tried to run away. Just like Olivia is doing now," she said, making a comparison. She left out the ugly details of Lena's entanglement with Michael and the scam they had been running on her family; on her. "The only difference is that Olivia is running emotionally, and Lena tried to run physically—all the way back to Poland."

"What happened?" Natalia asked, curiously.

"I chased her down at the airport, and convinced her to stay." Bianca smiled at the memory of their first kiss, which had happed right there in the airport terminal.

Regarding Bianca with an appraising gaze, Natalia said, "But it's so obvious that the two of you belong together. Why would she be hesitant?" Suddenly Bianca's story was much more appealing to her than her own—it was proof that things could work out, regardless of the circumstances; and Natalia really needed to hear that at the moment.

Laughing softly, Bianca shrugged. "I was young. Completely inexperienced. Ill-fated, angst-ridden teen romances don't exactly count, y'know?" She grinned, and Natalia responded in kind. "Lena was my first and only lover, and that worried her a lot. She didn't want me to get hurt. It didn't help that she felt unworthy of me because of her past. She had done things that she thought were unforgivable. She couldn't forgive herself, so how would I ever be able to forgive her? That's what she thought, anyway," she shared. "But I thought the notion was completely ridiculous—I loved her. I could forgive her anything. And I did."

"That's how I feel about Olivia," Natalia quietly acknowledged. "It doesn't matter to me what she did in the past. I love her for who she is now."

"Exactly," Bianca agreed. "And besides, I was too busy wondering what an intelligent, sophisticated, sexy woman like Lena could ever see in me. I mean, she was champagne and caviar, designer clothes and heels. And… I was Diet Coke and nachos, and jeans, sneakers, and faded PVU t-shirts."

She laughed at the paradox, as Natalia gave a nod of recognition. "We didn't seem like the most likely pair, but we fell in love anyway. The hardest part was getting her to let me love her, because she felt so unworthy of being loved. Even after I convinced her that the only way she could hurt me was by leaving, it still took her a long time to believe that I wouldn't leave her."

Taking her time, Natalia considered Bianca's words with care. It all sounded so familiar; like déjà vu. And more than that, she finally understood what it was that was holding Olivia back—the sense of being unworthy because of past misdeeds, and fear of abandonment that followed.

She had always known the fear was there, lurking somewhere beneath the surface. But it wasn't until that moment that she understood just how deeply those feelings were embedded in Olivia's soul. It wasn't anything that she had said—as always, the hotelier had kept her fears close to the vest. It was more about the look in her eyes, and what she hadn't said. But it was all so clear now. Why hadn't she seen it before?

She offered Bianca a weak smile, as she remembered the pain in Olivia's eyes that morning. "The first time we really talked, I realized right away that our lives held a lot of parallels," she finally said. "But I didn't realize how deeply they ran until now." She bit her lower lip; contemplating. "I, um…" She turned in her chair, meeting Bianca's gaze. "Would you excuse me?" she said, begging Bianca's pardon, as she began to rise.

"Are you all right?" Bianca's concern was evident in her eyes.

Natalia nodded, and a soft smile flitted across her lips. "I'm fine. Thank you," she said, sincerely. "I need to find Olivia. I get it now, and I need to tell her."

Bianca responded with a quiet smile. "I think that's a fine idea," she said, softly.

Placing a hand on Bianca's shoulder, Natalia gave it a light squeeze. "Thank you," she said, quietly.

"Anytime…" Bianca said, gently patting the hand on her shoulder. She smiled to herself then, as she watched Natalia racing across the sand.

And reaching the bottom of the deck, Natalia took the steps two at a time, knowing without a doubt that the proverbial tide was about to turn.

Friday, May 1, 2009… The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—10:45 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

After watching Lena walk away, Olivia slipped back into quiet reverie, remembering an afternoon with Natalia shortly after they came out as a couple. While taking a walk with Emma after playing at the park, Olivia met Natalia just outside the church where she had gone to find a few moments of solitude. A dimpled smile told her that Natalia was happy to see them; but those soulful dark eyes told another story: Natalia was also sad; though not conflicted. It only took a moment for Olivia to realize that Father Ray had been at it again. She pulled Natalia into her arms, holding her as closely as possible, given the bulkiness of their winter coats, as she murmured reassurances against Natalia's ear.

When Natalia finally released her, she quietly asked if Olivia would accompany her inside. Uncertainty flashed across Olivia's face, but the pleading expression in Natalia's eyes was too much for Olivia to deny. Silently, she acquiesced.

Taking Natalia's hand, Olivia squeezed it gently. "Let's go."

Emma excitedly broke between them, taking one of their hands in each of her own, and together, they ascended the stairs and entered the quaint little church where Natalia had worshipped faithfully since moving to Springfield.

Once inside, they sat quietly together on the front pew, with Emma nestled between them. Olivia's fingers were wrapped around Emma's, as she glanced around the sanctuary, taking it all in from a perspective not unlike that of other times she had visited the church. She was accustomed to being the town pariah, and really, that hadn't changed—at least not in the eyes of Father Ray. Sexual impurity was sexual impurity, regardless of the gender of her partner.

Her eyes fell upon the statue of Jesus as the Shepherd, with His staff and little lambs, and she mused that the only difference Father Ray might see is that this time Olivia was leading one of his faithful sheep astray. The joke was on him, though. At least for the time being, she thought, because she and Natalia had yet to be sexually intimate.

Tossing those thoughts aside, her eyes fell on the listing of song numbers on the wooden hymn board on the wall. The bold black numbers popped out from their pristine white perch, announcing themselves as if they owned the room. They made her wonder what hymns Natalia had sung during service that week. And they made her smile as she remembered her confusion as a child—the number represented the actual hymn to which it was assigned, rather than the page number where they were located in the hymnal. More often than not, she had found herself singing the wrong song, much to the annoyance of her mother. Why did everything spiritual always have to be so complicated? she had often pondered. Even now, as an adult, it made no logical sense to her.

Closing her eyes, she drew in a cleansing breath, and then glanced across at Natalia. Gently, she asked, "Natalia, what are we doing here?"

Natalia's eyes were soft and warm as she quietly answered, "We're… being together…"

The response was simple, yet profound, and Olivia felt a rush of calm wash over her, as the warmth of Natalia's hand enveloped her own. Her eyes fell on the serenity of Natalia's face as Natalia gazed upon the sacred altar with austere confidence, and Olivia couldn't help but feel a deepening sense of admiration for the woman she loved.

Brushing her thumb over the tops of Natalia's fingers, Olivia smiled then, and turned her eyes back to the altar, losing herself in the mesmerizing flicker of the candles.

As her thoughts drew her back to the present, Olivia heard Natalia's voice whispering in her ear. "We're… being together…" It was such a simple statement, and yet, so profound, she recognized again. Being together—that was what sustained them. Simply being together. When and where had she lost sight of that? She had been so busy worrying about problems that didn't exist, complicating things unnecessarily, that she had forgotten what was most important: The two of them, together.

She was on her feet in an instant, beating a path right toward the back door.

Call it destiny. Call it fate. Call it providence. Or perhaps, as they had so often called it before, divine intervention. Their timing could not have been better. Olivia burst through the back door of the cottage, intent upon finding Natalia regardless of how long it might take, only to find Natalia bounding up the final set of stairs, finding her purchase on the upper landing of the deck.

Their eyes met, locking into place, and Olivia offered Natalia a tentative smile, as her mind raced through a thousand things she wanted, needed, to say. And then she felt the distinctive prickling of tears behind her eyes, as she stepped closer, reaching out to her.

Natalia's lower lip began to tremble, as she read the mélange of emotions that shimmered in liquid jade. Without hesitation, she fell into Olivia's arms, allowing herself to be held close. She could feel the pounding of Olivia's heart against her breasts, and she buried her face against Olivia's neck, as she clung tightly to the woman who held her so securely.

Olivia was crying in earnest now, her body shaking against Natalia's. Natalia simply held her close, whispering to her, as she gently stroked the soft chestnut locks at the base of Olivia's neck.

"I'm sorry, Natalia. I'm so sorry," Olivia finally managed through sharp gasps for air.

Natalia tried to shush her, but Olivia would have no part in being silenced. "No—," she said, adamantly, shaking her head back and forth against Natalia's shoulder. "I've been…" she gulped and hiccupped, "so unfair to you…"

Gently, Natalia extricated herself from the determined grasp of the woman who held her, and tenderly took Olivia's face in her hands. "Stop it, okay?" she quietly beseeched. Her thumb caressed a tear-stained cheek. "None of that matters right now. You need to calm down. Your heart is racing, and you're gonna make yourself sick."

Despite her roiling emotions, Olivia smiled through her tears. "Last time you said that to me, we ended up making out," she mused. "Remember?"

A soft laugh fell from Natalia's lips. "I sure do," she murmured. "That was the best day of my life, so far."

"Oh, yeah?" Olivia arched an eyebrow. She grasped the front of Natalia's jacket in her hands, pulling her close again. "Why's that?" she whispered. Jade eyes sparkled through unshed tears.

"Because you finally told me that you love me," Natalia said, softly.

A quiet smile flicked on Olivia's lips. "That's the smartest move I ever made."

"Yes, it was," Natalia agreed. She slipped her fingers through the belt loops of Olivia's jeans, holding their bodies close together. "You're such a smooth operator," she teased.

Olivia arched an eyebrow. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Yes." Natalia's response was resolute. "Now kiss me," she demanded.

Obliging, Olivia took her time, lingering on Natalia's mouth, imparting all of the emotions in her heart that words failed to express.

And when their lips finally parted, she gently took Natalia's face into her hands. "I've been so scared, Natalia," she confessed. "And I shut you out sometimes, because of it," she recognized. "I'm really sorry for that. I don't mean for it to happen. I just feel so overwhelmed."

"Why didn't you just talk to me, Liv; tell me how you were feeling?" Natalia's voice was soft, her words gentle, devoid of any condemnation.

"I didn't want to burden you with my neuroses," Olivia admitted.

Natalia smiled. "Love means sharing your neuroses, Honey," she said, lightly. She hoped her levity would ease Olivia's guilt.

"It does?"

"Yup—"

"You sure you're up for that?" Olivia asked. "I have a ton of 'em."

"I can take it," Natalia said with an air of confidence that made Olivia grin.

Regarding her with quiet admiration, Olivia murmured, "Of that, I have no doubt."

The light in Natalia's eyes shifted, her expression turning thoughtful. "Tell me what you're feeling, Liv," she gently beseeched. "It's time…"

Nodding, Olivia drew in a deep breath, as she mentally prepared for all she knew would be forthcoming. "Bear with me, okay?" she asked of Natalia. "This might take a while, and I can't promise it'll make any sense…"

"I'm not going anywhere," Natalia assured. "Tell me why loving me scares you so much," she quietly encouraged. She knew the answer now, but Olivia needed to voice it for herself.

"Don't you get it, Natalia? I was never scared of loving you—I was scared of losing you," Olivia said, softly. Her eyes turned to liquid jade, as tears threatened to spill once again, and Natalia's heart literally ached for her.

"Olivia—"

"No—listen to me, Natalia," Olivia gently insisted, sniffing back the tears. "I was scared of so damned many things." Her voice broke from the pain of such admittance, and she struggled to regain her composure. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Most of them were out of my control—and all of them ended with you walking out of my life; at least in my mind. But the thing I was most scared of, was fucking this up by sleeping with you, because the one thing I could control was whether or not I took you to bed," she said forthrightly. "I know that may sound irrational, but it's all I had, Natalia. I couldn't control what you, or anyone else, did, but I could control my own behavior. It was just a really fucked up way of protecting myself."

"But I'm not going anywhere," Natalia whispered, softly. "Don't you know that by now?"

The question was uttered gently, but Natalia knew the answer before she even asked. Of course Olivia didn't really know that. Hence, her hesitancy to take their relationship to the next level. Silently, she chastised herself for even asking.

Dropping Natalia's gaze, Olivia's manicure suddenly became interesting. She bit her lower lip to keep it from wobbling. "I just keep thinking that… one day you're gonna wake up, and realize…" she swallowed hard, "what a colossal mistake I've been…" Her emotions were raw, as she laid her heart open to Natalia.

Reaching out, Natalia gently tipped Olivia's chin, forcing eye contact. "Listen to me, Olivia. Absolutely nothing about being with you is a mistake. Do you hear me?" Her tone was soft, but insistent. "I love you. All of you." She emphasized the totality of her love. "Even the parts that sometimes drive me crazy."

Olivia was helpless to control the grin that tickled at the corners of her mouth. It reached up, twinkling in her eyes.

Natalia's soft smile followed without hesitation, but the sincerity in her eyes didn't wane.

The intensity of Natalia's gaze was too much. Olivia dropped her eyes again, focusing on the hand that now held her own. "You don't just own me, Natalia, you completely consume me, and if you ever leave me…" The words came out in a choked whisper.

"I can't promise you forever, Liv," Natalia said, with quiet regret.

Olivia's eyes immediately shot up again, locking on Natalia's gaze.

The look of panic in Olivia's eyes shot daggers through Natalia's heart. "No one can promise that," she quickly clarified.

"I guess no one knows that better than you and I, huh?" Olivia quietly ventured.

"Yeah—" Delivered on a quiet sigh, Natalia's eyes clouded with unshed tears. Reaching up, she gingerly tucked a lock of wayward chestnut behind Olivia's left ear. "But I can tell you that, more than anything, I want to grow old with you, Liv. And I can promise to love you until the end of my days."

"'Til death do us part?" Olivia proposed, with a sense of hopefulness in her tone.

"Something like that, yes," Natalia granted. She pressed her lips to Olivia's in a tender kiss.

"You're being far too understanding, Natalia," Olivia said, suddenly shifting gears.

Natalia considered her with careful eyes, then. "I suppose you think I should be angry with you for not trusting me," she said, gently.

Olivia lowered her gaze, and shrugged.

"I'm not," Natalia declared. Her tone was gentle, yet sincere.

Olivia looked up at her.

"I get you, Olivia. Always have," Natalia said, softly. "I get that you're scared of being abandoned, and I would never intentionally do that to you. Neither of us can control what God does, but like you, I can control what I do. And I choose you, Liv. For always," she whispered, as her fingers lightly brushed Olivia's cheeks.

Nodding, Olivia felt her heart swell, as she accepted Natalia's statement as truth. "I choose you, too," she whispered.

She closed her eyes then, warding off more tears as she collected her thoughts. And then she released a heavy sigh. "I thought that I had gotten past all of that, you know?" she said, remorsefully. "And then Lena told me about Alex, and all my old demons reared their ugly heads. I started to believe those old lies—the ones that told me I wasn't good enough, because everyone I love always leaves me. And from there, my fears just ran rampant, and I ran along with them, pushing you away." She drew silent for a brief moment, closing her eyes against the tears again. And then she whispered, "I'm so sorry, Natalia. I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry for… everything."

Gently squeezing Olivia's hands, Natalia paused for a moment, considering her response carefully. "You don't need to be sorry. I understand," she quietly soothed. "And I know that just having me tell you that I won't leave, isn't enough, Liv. I can't expect you to just flip a switch and start believing that it's true. You've been hurt too many times for that," she acknowledged. "So I'll have to show you, by being consistent and present with you, every single day," she said, determinedly. "And someday, you won't be afraid anymore. But until then, when you get scared, don't run from me, Liv. Hold on to me!" Her voice was soft, yet insistent. "I promise, I won't let you down."

"I don't wanna run anymore, Natalia. I don't wanna push you away…" Olivia's voice was a shaky whisper. "Please don't let me do that anymore."

"I won't," Natalia assured. "I promise."

Olivia offered her a faint smile, and then bit her bottom lip, self-consciously, as she dropped her gaze. "How do you always know the right thing to say?"

No longer allowing her to avoid, Natalia gently, but insistently, tipped Olivia's chin, regaining eye contact. "I just listen to my heart, because it knows you better than anyone."

The heat of tears prickled behind Olivia's eyes, as her fingers tangled in Natalia's hair. "I'm so glad you do," she murmured, her voice thick with emotion. "You have no idea how glad…"

And then she was kissing her, slowly, deeply; her fingers tangling in Natalia's soft raven tresses, as she held her close. And Natalia was responding in kind, as they lost themselves in one another once again.

Having noted Olivia's appearance on the deck, Bianca had cut across the mid-level deck, stealthily slipping up the set of stairs at the side of the house. Following the footpath, she made her way around to the front door. Once inside the house, she sought Lena out, finding her in the kitchen, packing what appeared to be a picnic lunch for the girls.

"Where did you come from?" Lena asked, surprised by Bianca's sudden appearance. "I was looking all over for you a few minutes ago?"

"I was down on the beach, talking with Natalia," Bianca replied easily. "What are you up to?"

Glancing up at her, Lena's face held a mischievous grin. "We're taking the girls out for the afternoon," she announced. "All three of them."

Lena's grin made her suspicious. Bianca arched an inquisitive eyebrow. "And why would we be doing that?"

"Seems Spencer needs a little… assistance," Lena answered with a smirk.

A soft laugh fell from Bianca's lips, as she reached for the container of grapes, dropping it into the picnic basket. Her chat with Natalia had given her insight into the nature of Olivia's deficiency. "Hookin' your old college buddy up to get laid, are ya?" She sounded amused.

Arching an eyebrow, Lena grinned, as she continued with the sandwich preparation. "Well, somebody needs to," she asserted, wryly. "If they don't stop all of that eye-fucking, they might just both go blind."

Bianca laughed heartily, and then she shot Lena a seductive look. "We've done our fair share of eye-fucking, and that's never been an issue," she contended, her voice a husky growl.

Lena responded with mischievous grin, as she set a finished sandwich aside. Grabbing two more pieces of whole-grain wheat, she began the process anew.

"Besides, I thought it was masturbation that caused blindness," Bianca added. Reaching over, she grabbed the sandwich and began wrapping it in a baggie.

"I wouldn't know," Lena smirked. "I haven't had need for that in a very long time."

A slow smirk spread across Bianca's lips. Setting the wrapped sandwich back on the counter, she sidled up to her wife. Leaning close, she wrapped her arms possessively around Lena's waist, as she whispered, "Unless you count the times we've done it together."

Groaning, Lena's hands stilled; her body instantly warming at the memory.

"It's so much better with you," Bianca husked.

Unable to resist her wife, Lena pulled Bianca firmly into her body. Nipping lightly at Bianca's ear, she practically purred, "Agreed. I love watching you touch yourself for me…"

Her breath hitching, Bianca cautioned, "If you don't stop that, we're going to end up in bed, and Olivia will be out of luck."

Lena grinned. "It would serve her right for being such an idiot," she said, only half-jokingly.

"I can't argue with that," Bianca said, ruefully.

"Natalia told you about this morning," Lena said, with a knowing nod. She didn't press for details; she knew Bianca would keep Natalia's confidence.

"Yeah—," Bianca answered on a heavy sigh, as she tightened her hold on her wife. Lightly, she kissed the corner of Lena's mouth, and then she released her hold. "I just hate to see them struggling, you know?" She returned to the task of wrapping sandwiches.

Nodding, Lena made noises of agreement. "They're going to be fine, Sweetheart," she said, reassuringly. "Trust me," she grinned.

"What did you do?" Bianca asked with suspicious amusement.

"Oh, nothing too dastardly," Lena answered, emphasizing a lack of excess. "I just knocked a little sense into her."

"Which is why you're playing pimp right now, I guess," Bianca teased.

"More or less," Lena replied, noncommittally.

"So what's the game plan?"

"Haven't decided yet," Lena answered with a shrug. "I just told Olivia we would get the girls out of the house for the day." She smirked. "I told her to call when it's safe to come home."

"Just like old times, eh?" Bianca teased, amused by the dynamic of Lena's relationship with Olivia.

"More or less," Lena admitted with a grin.

Bianca just grinned and shook her head, as she dropped the pile of finished sandwiches into the picnic basket, and turned her attention toward preparing drinks. Careful to pack plenty, she was certain their outing would last quite a while…

When their mouths finally parted, Olivia pressed her forehead lightly against Natalia's in that familiar way of theirs. Her focus fluttered to their entwined fingers, and she smiled to herself. Somehow, just the sight of them made her feel stronger. Squeezing Natalia's fingers, she drew in a deep breath, and began the explanation that was long overdue. "Natalia, everything is so different with you," she whispered softly. "You make me feel things in ways I never have before, and sometimes that really scares me."

Natalia made noises of understanding, but didn't interrupt.

"With you, for the first time in my life, kissing isn't just a means to an end, Natalia. It's an end unto itself," Olivia was saying. "I'm not saying I don't want more—God knows that couldn't be farther from the truth."

She sounded almost breathless, and that made Natalia smile.

"What are you saying?" Natalia asked flirtingly, emphasizing the missing element.

A slight grin flickered across Olivia's lips at Natalia's playful tone, and she answered with honest sincerity. "I'm saying that kissing you doesn't require more, demand more. It's fulfilling, in and of itself." Taking a breath, her fingertips gently brushed Natalia's lips. "I've never had that before, Natalia. I've never felt so… complete, just from kissing someone, and holding them."

"I know what you mean," Natalia quietly confessed.

"You do?" Olivia murmured softly.

Natalia responded with a bashful nod, and another grin flickered across Olivia's face.

"I'm glad," Olivia whispered. "It makes me feel like I'm not so alone in this."

"You're definitely not alone," Natalia said, sounding relieved.

"I needed to understand why it was different with you," Olivia was quick to append. And then she began to ramble, not allowing Natalia any opportunity to interrupt. "Was I different? Was it because you're a woman?" She paused. Unable to resist the urge to touch, the backs of her fingers lightly brushed Natalia's cheek, lingering as she gazed into dark, soulful eyes. "Was it because I've never loved anyone like this before?" Her voice was soft; her eyes clear, as she posed the question.

And then she turned from Natalia, and began to pace across the deck; her arms flailing in that way that they always did when she was getting worked up. "I had a million questions rattling around in my head, all hours of the day and night. And for every answer I thought I found, I ended up with twice as many questions, and my fears just got out of control."

Remaining silent, Natalia allowed her to the time and space to get everything out in the open, once and for all.

Spinning on her heel, Olivia sought out Natalia's gaze again. "I thought that maybe things wouldn't work—physically, I mean, between us, because I experience such an intense sense of fulfillment with you, without sex. Like maybe the whole 'less-is-more' concept, y'know?" she explained, as she moved close again.

Pulling Natalia into her arms again, she closed her eyes as she nuzzled against her ear, soaking in the intoxicating scent of her. "I know that sounds crazy; especially given how aroused I get with you," she husked.

Natalia released an audible groan, and Olivia gasped softly.

"There was a time when I worried sex would end up being a letdown—for both of us," Olivia candidly admitted. "I didn't want that for you."

Nodding, Natalia said softly, "I didn't want that for you, either."

"I know," Olivia whispered. Gently, she tucked a lock of raven curls behind Natalia's left ear. "And you have no idea how much that means to me. No one in my whole life has ever placed my needs above their own. I've always had to demand it of others."

"You don't have to demand anymore, Liv," Natalia whispered. "I'll give to you freely, whatever you need."

Natalia's heart was so open, so giving, so vulnerable, that it made Olivia want to cry. "I know you will, Natalia." Her tone held a hint of the tears she was willfully restraining. "That's why I left this morning," she confessed. "There you were, offering to give me whatever it was that I needed with no regard for your own needs or desires, and I was still withholding the most intimate parts of myself from you. How can you be so selfless all the time?" she asked, in wonderment.

It was a rhetorical question, but Natalia answered it anyway. "You're my heart, Olivia," she whispered. "You're everything to me."

No longer able to contain her emotions, Olivia's lower lip quivered, as tears streamed down her cheeks. "I don't deserve you," she quietly declared. "But I'm so thankful that you love me."

Pulling Olivia close, Natalia tenderly kissed away her tears. She knew that challenging Olivia's feelings of unworthiness would prove fruitless—it would take time for her to truly understand how mistaken she was. And so she simply held her tight until Olivia felt ready to move on.

Swallowing hard around the lump that had formed in her throat, Olivia struggled to regain her composure. When finally she spoke again, her voice still held a deep sense of emotion. "When I realized how foolish I was to ever think we wouldn't be enough for one another, I began to worry that it might be too much for me emotionally," she explained.

"Why?" Natalia gently prodded.

Olivia took a breath, releasing it slowly. "Because… it scares me how much I love you, Natalia," she quietly confessed.

Gently, Natalia brushed the backs of her fingers along Olivia's cheek. "I know how you feel," she whispered.

Knowing that Natalia spoke the truth, Olivia nodded. "I've never needed anyone this much, Natalia," she said, softly. "And I knew it wouldn't just be sex with you. I would be giving my whole self over to you, and I was so afraid of what would happen if I did, and then I screwed things up the way I always do, and ended up losing you. And I was afraid of asking for too much, expecting too much, because I already feel more fulfilled than I deserve, just being with you," she quietly confessed.

And then her demeanor changed. "But now I understand, Natalia." She sounded almost elated, as she grasped Natalia's biceps and locked their gazes once again. "It's you. I'm complete and content with you. It has nothing to do with your body; though…" she groaned, as her eyes scanned Natalia's form, "Damn, I want your body," she sighed, jade eyes flashing with desire.

Her entire body flushing under Olivia's desirous gaze, Natalia's eyes turned dark with excitement and need.

A short gasp released from Olivia's lungs in response. She shook her head, dislodging thoughts of Natalia's body from her immediate attention, and continued, "But for the first time ever, I have a relationship that isn't based upon the fulfillment of some visceral need. It's about who you are, and who I am with I'm with you. It's about finally knowing what it means to be content, Natalia; to have enough… It's… I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry… I—"

Natalia grinned, full dimples blooming, and quickly silenced the ramblings with a passionate kiss.

Slowly, they gravitated backward toward the railing, until Natalia was pressing Olivia firmly against it; her right leg nestled between Olivia's muscled thighs.

Neither of them could say how long the kiss lasted, but when Natalia finally released her, Olivia's eyes were filled with a mixture of absolution and feral want. A faint smile teased at the corners of her mouth, and she leaned in again, pressing her forehead against Natalia's temple. "I honestly thought that you would be the one to run scared," she quietly admitted, "and when you didn't, when you actually started pursuing sex, it terrified me."

"Thought you'd have more time to get your neuroses under control, eh?" Natalia teased lightly.

Olivia couldn't help but grin at the comment. "Yeah, something like that," she answered candidly.

Natalia was shaking her head. "Y'know, so many times you've said that you've been unfair to me," she broke in, "but the truth is, I've been unfair to you, as well."

Olivia responded with a questioning look, and Natalia quickly followed with an explanation. "Just because my body is saying it's ready for more, doesn't mean I haven't been scared, Liv. I've been terrified," she confessed. "You know how anxious I've been about not being enough for you. And we both know where that led…" she hinted with a bashful blush.

"The book," Olivia said with a sexy grin. "The one that you haven't read, right?" Her tone held a hint of anxiousness, as she sought clarification of Natalia's adherence to their agreement.

"I gave you my word," Natalia answered with conviction.

Olivia breathed an audible sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was Natalia freaking out, now that Olivia was ready to move forward.

Gently touching Olivia's cheek, Natalia deliberately caught her gaze. "The truth is, as much as I've pursued the idea of physical intimacy with you, a part of me has been secretly relieved that you were avoiding it," she admitted, ruefully. "I guess that's why I didn't push. It was just easier to let you take the blame, and that was completely unfair to you."

Before Natalia even finished, Olivia was shaking her head. "You haven't been unfair at all, Natalia," she countered. "You've been understanding and supportive, so unbelievably loving, and more patient than I deserved." She released a discontented sigh. "I was so busy protecting myself from being hurt, that I couldn't see how much I was hurting you. That's being unfair," she declared with a heavy sigh.

Instinctively knowing there was more to come, Natalia remained silent; patiently waiting.

"I feel like such an ass, Natalia," Olivia confessed; her eyes filled with remorse. "Not to mention, a complete idiot. I found a million excuses for not making love with you. And when you, without even knowing it, debunked every damned one of them, I conjured up a million more, just to keep my ruse going—all in a misguided effort to protect myself from the one person in this world who would never hurt me."

A seductive smile flickered across bow-like lips. "Are you saying you've finally run out of excuses?" Natalia's voice was husky with suggestion. Dark eyes twinkling, she leaned forward, pressing her body firmly against Olivia's, as she wrapped her arms around that trim waist; drawing a low groan in response. Her tone took on a low, seductive edge as she added, "Because if that's the case…"

Her body instinctively responding Natalia, to the undeniable insinuation in her tone, to the touch of that luscious body against her own, Olivia arched a deliberate eyebrow. "Why, Ms. Rivera, are you propositioning me?" she husked, emphasizing the part about the proposition.

Grinning mischievously, Natalia laid a path of slow, wet kisses along the taut cord of muscle in Olivia's long, graceful neck, as the fingers of her left hand tangled in soft chestnut locks. She could feel the erratic beat of Olivia's pulse beneath her lips and tongue, and it sent shivers of hot desire coursing through her own body.

The kisses pulled another low groan from Olivia's throat, and then Natalia was nuzzling against her ear. "I suppose that depends," she murmured. "Would you be… receptive… to such a proposition, Ms. Spencer?"

Delivered on a husky whisper, the inquiry sent waves of liquid heat coursing through Olivia's veins. Her groin clenched in sexual anticipation. Oh, God, would she ever be receptive! Fuck, yes! Natalia could have her right here, right now!

Lightly, Natalia nipped at a tempting earlobe, while curious fingertips explored the soft, warm skin of Olivia's belly; the binary nature of her seductive attentions drawing a low whimper from the hotelier.

Completely tongue-tied and desperate for air, Olivia's only response was an outpouring of short, quickened breaths, as she struggled to maintain control. Her fingers tangled in Natalia's hair, as her body trembled with desire.

Taking Olivia's physical response as encouragement, Natalia continued her attempt at seduction. "I'll take that as a 'yes'," she murmured against Olivia's ear.

A resonant chuckle slipped from deep within Olivia's chest. "Hmm… That's rather presumptuous of you, Ms. Rivera." Her voice flowed out in a throaty whisper.

Natalia smirked. "Would you prefer otherwise?"

Olivia responded with a grin. "Not a chance."

"Then shut up and kiss me already," Natalia demanded.

With a soft laugh, Olivia pulled her impossibly closer. "As you wish, Princess," she whispered, as she covered Natalia's mouth with her own.

Their kiss was long, and slow, and deep, unbelievably arousing, as tongues glided and tangled, teasing to the point of distraction. And then a languid tongue was lightly tracing along the pulsing vein in Natalia's neck, as Natalia's own curious fingertips ventured higher, lightly grazing the soft skin beneath Olivia's breasts; each of them exploring with equal fervor.

Natalia's entire body flushed with liquid warmth when the tongue that had been lightly tracing her neck stealthily slipped between her lips; once again filling her mouth with its ardent heat.

Olivia released another low groan when Natalia latched onto her tongue, sucking ever so lightly. Once again, her body pinged with anticipation at the mere insinuation of what the woman might do to other parts of her body, if only she would allow the indulgence.

Her fingers sliding along soft skin, Natalia drew Olivia's face into her hands. Lightly, she nibbled a bottom lip, soothing it with her tongue. "I want you so much, Liv," she husked against Olivia's mouth. "Don't say 'no' this time. Please…"

Natalia's plea was exhaled on a shaky breath.

No longer able to deny the insistent call of raging desire, wrought by months of deliciously torturous foreplay, Olivia responded by claiming Natalia's mouth in a demanding kiss. "I'm not saying 'no', Natalia," she growled into the kiss, as her fingers tightened in long raven tresses.

And just that quickly the tables turned, as Olivia took control, effortlessly shifting their bodies. Her passions unleashed, she pinned Natalia against the railing, pressing into her with a force Natalia had never experienced before.

She groaned, and grasped Olivia's belt loops, holding her firmly in place, as Olivia's knee slipped between her thighs; pressing into her like a heat-seeking missile. "Olivia, Please…"

"Please, what?" Olivia murmured.

"Take me to bed…"

Groaning into Natalia's mouth, Olivia declared, "With pleasure…"

And then she was scrambling for purchase as she stumbled backward toward the door, pulling Natalia along with her; their mouths and bodies never parting for a moment…

It had been a long and winding road, this collision of past and present. And though Olivia and Natalia had found a pathway out of the wreckage, they never lost sight of the carnage that might have ensued had either of them been less vigilant. To do that would be tantamount to taking their blessings for granted, and each vowed, both separately and together, to never do that; not as long as they lived. The future still held unanswered questions, for them, as well as for their friends, but they were ready to stand strong beside those they loved, as they embraced the future together.

TBC… in Chapter 10—Intertwined…