Chapter 2 - Unwelcome Changes

Leonardo slept fitfully. Turning to his side once more, he sighed, giving up on sleeping any more that night. He hadn't had a decent night's sleep for… months. Not since that night.

Every time he closed his eyes he could hear the gunshot again. Feel the terror course through his veins as time so painfully slowed down, and he rounded the corner… He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily, trying to force the vision, the memory from his brain. But it would never go away. Neither would the pain… Or his feeling of failure. Failure as a leader… and as a brother…

Feeling a change of scenery might help, he moved to the side of the bed letting his legs dangle to the floor. He grimaced softly as his feet touched the cold, hard floor. He got out of bed, hoping that the cold would detract from the pain in his heart, if only for a moment.

He left his room quietly, listening to the breathing of his brothers, and the occasional snore. But it was the silence coming from two of the rooms that really hurt him. He stopped outside one of the doors, and put a hand on it. He took in a deep breath. If only Splinter were still there… this would be so much easier.

Shaking his head, slightly, he moved quietly to the kitchen, where he sat at the table. He put his head in his hands. He stayed there, silent, until he could hear the rustling of his brothers getting up…

Michaelangelo walked through the lair. It was oddly quiet, especially for them. These past few months had been almost unbearably hard. He sighed, feeling, for the first time, old. Or at least older… He grinned at the thought, as he made his way into the living room.

Leo turned the page in his book, slowly, taking the time to glance over the top of it, at his brother in the room with him. Sighing softly, he went back to his book.

A moment later, Michaelangelo entered the room. "Hey, Leo." He nodded towards him. Leo returned the gesture in response. Then, with a small smile, Mikey turned to his other brother.

Leo watched his brothers together, and a wave of sadness passed over him. Of all things, Leo hated that feeling the most. The sadness. The helplessness was the worst, though. Everyday now was a reminder of just how helpless he actually was. They all were.

All because of that one night. Leo gritted his teeth. He hated that night. If there was anything he could ever take back, it was that…

Leo tried to concentrate on his book. But his thoughts, as they always did, flew back to that night. The night that it had all changed. That horrible night that still plagued his dreams and his waking hours.

After the gunshot., the world grew dangerously, scarily, silent. Finding his bearings again, Leo forced his legs to move, and ran towards the sound, his heart beating frantically, and his breathing coming in gasps. He rounded the corner, pushing past Mike, who was standing, as if frozen, in the alley… and stopped. What was before him was the same thing that haunted his thoughts ever since Splinter had guided him into the leader's position.

His brother lay on the ground, still and unmoving. Leo could feel as Raphael ran up and come to a stop next to him.

"Jesus." Raph said, his voice merely a whisper. He walked forward and put a hand to their fallen brother's face. He looked back up at his other brothers, and Leo will never forget the horror that filled his eyes right then.

"He's not breathing."

Leo hung his head.

"No!" The noise escaped Raphael's throat, not even sounding human.

Leo's breath caught in his throat. He could do nothing but gape, unable to even breath, much less comprehend moving. He had frozen, and he would never forgive himself for it. Two seconds that felt like forever passed, before Mike pushed past them and began working on Don. It had saved his life.

'Saved his life' Leo grimaced, shaking his head, bringing himself back to the present. 'Had it??'

He looked over at his brothers together now, and felt the horrible sense of pity again. Of guilt. Of course he was glad that his brother was alive. No one should ever question that. But he just… he wasn't Don…

"Donnie." Mikey put a hand on his brother's shoulder, leaning down so he was at eye-level with him. "Whatcha doin', buddy?"

Leo cringed as his brother's voice filled the previously silent air. He hated how condescending it felt to talk to him like that. Of all of them, he deserved this the least.

"Th-This…" Don stopped, searching for the right word. "…thing, wo-won't… work." He finished, his words slow and halting.

"I know." Mike broke in. "I dropped it the other day." He grinned widely. Don looked as though we were contemplating the matter for a few moments, before a smile spread slowly across his face.

Mmmm-ikey." Don grinned. "Y-You're in… bad."

"Yeah." Mikey grinned again. "Probably. Don't worry about it, bro. I can fix it. I'll fix it later."

We were lucky, really… Leo contemplated. Don hadn't been shot at all. The man with the gun had horrible aim, but it was enough of a scare, a distraction, that another man, this one bearing a pipe, could get one up on Mike and Don.

To hear Mikey tell it, it was as if the man had appeared out of the shadows. Nothing either of them could have done. It all happened so fast… Leo sighed. It had been months before Mikey stopped having nightmares of that night. He still did, occasionally. And it was weeks before Mikey could look at Don without immediately bursting into tears. He still blamed himself.

So did Leo.

At least, Mikey had the comfort of knowing that he had helped in some way. He had brought their brother back from the brink of death. He'd saved him. What had Leo done? Raphael had helped get Don home, where they played the waiting game; a horrible thing, to be sure. April had been called down, and she helped some, but without proper medical treatment, they could only hope.

Then, it happened. Don had woken up, but it wasn't the joyous occasion that they'd hoped for…

"Leo…" Mike's voice carried from the other room.

"In a minute, Mikey." Leo said, not looking up from the cookbook he was reading over, making sure he'd added everything necessary. He silently griped at Mikey for not being in there, doing this instead of him.

"Leo…"

"In a sec-"

"Leo! Get your shell in here. Now!!" Raph's voice boomed through the lair, making even Leo jump.

Wrinkling his nose, Leo stomped into the other room, especially annoyed. "You know, if you don't shut that big mouth of yours, you're gonna disturb…"

"He's up." Raphael said simply. His voice was oddly quiet, and it carried something that Leo couldn't recognize, yet, it made his heart sink.

Leo's eyes flew to the bed. His brother was awake, and his heart jumped at the sight of his eyes open… but then he looked closer.

Don's eyes were open, alright… but they were wide and fearful. Unfocused and scared.

Leo was so focused on his eyes… those eyes that he did not recognize… that he jumped when Don started moving his mouth.

But nothing came out…

Nothing came out.

And his brother's eyes, as he tried to speak… were terrified. It killed Leo to see him like that.

It breaks his heart now.

Leo ducked his head down into his book, as silent tears threatened to fall, despite his valiant attempt to hold them back.

In a panic, they'd called April, who contacted a doctor friend of hers and told him of Don's problems. The diagnosis was heartbreaking.

Possible brain damage… Possible stroke… Never be the same.

They refused the diagnosis, and had worked, valiantly, with him… And months later, here they were.

The doctor had said there was a possibility of full recovery, but… it had been so long now…

Leo's thoughts were broken by a sudden, loud banging on the floor. He looked over and caught Mike's eyes, who looked back at him. And Leo saw, deep in his brother's eyes, the underlying sadness that was always there now. Suddenly, Leo felt extremely bitter. This had affected all of them, not just Don. And it wasn't fair.

Suddenly, a loud pounding made Leo's eyes fly over to where Mike and Don had been continuing their halted, slow conversation. Don was pounding his fists into the ground. An object, Leo noticed, was also the victim of this latest tantrum.

Latest… Leo grimaced. Before, Don never even raised his voice. Now, he was prone to tantrums. Now…

Mike looked over at Leo, a helpless look on his face. None of them really knew how to deal with his tantrums. They were a rather new occurrence, and they came and went without warning. Don's soft voice, and quiet demeanor were the only sides of him they'd ever known.

Mike tried to calm Don down, putting his hands on his shoulders. He looked back at Leo, who shrugged helplessly and looked back to his book.

Mike sighed, frustrated, and turned back to Don.

A moment later, Raphael walked into the room.

"What's going on?" He said, looking first at Michaelangelo, then Donatello, and Leonardo. Raphael walked over to where Mike and Don were and then kneeled down. Mike moved over to make room for him, but never left Don's side.

"Donnie." Raphael, put his hand on his brother's shoulder, speaking in a soft voice he'd never even known he possessed until after the incident.

"Hey, Donnie, what's wrong?" He continued, his voice still the soft, gentle one that still surprised himself sometimes. But Don's tears continued, along with the pounding. Raphael reached down and gently, yet firmly, took Donatello's wrists in his own hands, effectively stopping the pounding.

"Donnie…"

"I kn-know… the wo-words… But I can't… I can't…" He turned his face away, showing embarrassment.

"Go on." Raphael said, his voice still quiet and gentle.

"The- the charge…"

"Batteries!" Mike broke in suddenly, and then smiled at them. Donatello took a moment and then he, too, smiled at them both.

"Yes." He said. "The chargers." In his voice was a sound of relief.

Raphael smiled then, too. "Okay, great, well, Mikey can…"

"I u-used to be able to fix this." Don interrupted quietly.

"I know, Don. But we're just giving you a break."

"I don't… need… a break. St-stop treating me like… like a baby!" Don's voice rose as he spoke, and Mikey flinched, bracing himself for another round of yelling.

"No." Raphael remained patient. "We're not. Am I treating you like a baby?"

"No."

"Is Mikey?"

"No."

Raphael glanced at Leo, who was watching this now, too. "Leo?"

"Leo doesn't even t-talk to me anymore. Much less treat me like… something." Donatello said quietly.

Both Michaelangelo and Raphael looked at Leonardo, who had a look that combined horror and surprise on his face.

"Leo's not ignoring you Don. Are you Leo?" Now it was Leo's turn to get a pleading looking from Michaelangelo, as they waited for Raphael's question to be answered.

"No, of, of course not." He stuttered, surprised at his own reluctance to answer.

"See?" Raph turned back to Donatello.

"Come on, Raph. I c-can see. I'm not st-stupid." Don said, his eyes filling with tears. He then got up and left the room, leaving the three brothers to look at each other.

Mike followed Don a moment later. Raphael sighed, feeling suddenly exhausted. Leo went to the dojo.

As he watched his brother's retreating shell, Raphael found himself becoming more and more angry. He then began walking, each step becoming faster, until he reached his destination.

Leo barely flinched when Raphael barged into the room. But he looked over at him, and one look at his brother's face told Leo just what kind of mood Raphael was in right then.

Raphael stood there, looking at Leo, fuming for a few minutes before Leo spoke. "Well?"

Raphael spoke at the same time. "What the hell is it?"

"What's what?" Leo was confused.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem?"

Raphael grunted in anger, picking up a small cup and threw it, the pieces splintering on contact with the wall.

"Well," He continued, once he'd calmed down enough to talk to Leo again. "You obviously have something wrong with you."

Leo opened his mouth to retort, but Raphael spoke again before he had the chance.

"Don notices, you know." The words were so quiet, the Leo barely heard them. "He's not stupid, you know."

"Then what is he?" The words left Leo's mouth before he could even think them. A moment later, a roundhouse punch to the face connected with him too fast for even him to react. Raphael stood before him, trembling in anger, his face an interesting shade of green, as his face burned with fury.

"How… how could you ever say…" Raphael struggled to get out the words.

"Well, he used to be a genius, and he's not that anymore. He could make or fix anything… and now he can't. And he's not stupid. Then just where is he?" Leo cried, getting heated up, too. "I can't pretend that that turtle in there is the same one that always had all the answers. That always had some gadget cooked up for us to use to get out of some scrape. I can't, because he's not the same person."

"That person in there, is Donatello. He's your brother. He always has been, and he always will be." Raphael's voice was dangerously low, his tone carrying an underlying warning.

"But he's not our Donatello. He's never going to be again. You heard that doctor… That out there is what he's going to be."

Raphael looked at him for a moment before continuing. "So, what, you're just never gonna talk to him again? You are one cold SOB, Leo." He said bitterly, looking away.

"You know how hard it is for him?" Raph began again, looking at a far wall, and not making eye contact with Leo. "As hard as it is for us, do you know what it's done to him? He remembers, Leo. He knows what it was like before, what he was like before. You don't think that hurts him? It kills him, Leo."

Raphael took a deep breath, before continuing. "I'm just thankful… that he's alive. Can you say the same, Leo?"

Leo's mouth hung open in shock. "I…"

"You wanna know what I think? I think you think it would've been better if he hadn't come out of it at all."

"Leonardo was horrified. "N-no…"

"Can you honestly tell me that? Maybe you think it would've been easier, I dunno…"

"No…"

"Maybe it's because you couldn't control this." Raphael mused thoughtfully. "Never occurred to me before, but maybe, just maybe, you're all ticked because you have no control over this issue. I mean, this whole thing sucks, I know. He hates it. Mikey hates it. I hate it. But you… you don't let us know what you think anymore. You've pushed us out, Leo. But mostly Don. Like he's not good enough for you anymore, you know?"

"Never." Leo gasped.

Raphael threw his hands up in frustration. "Well then, I don't know, Leo… I just don't know." He left the room, leaving Leo with his thoughts.

"Neither do I." He muttered a few minutes later, before leaving the same way as Raphael.

Author's Notes - Sorry for the delay in updating… I've been having a terrible time with writing lately. Thank you to all those who reviewed. I hope I haven't lost too many people on this story. I told you all it was angsty!! ;)

Oh, and yeah, Leo… out of character?? Well, just read on. There're reasons to it all.

Next chapter - Coming Soon.