A/N: Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews! I wouldn't have been able to keep going without them! Be forewarned: Hyde and Jackie may be a little OOC in this chapter; Hyde especially is hard to write when he's not Zen, but they needed to have this confrontation in order to get this story to the next chapter, which will be the last. So, as always, please enjoy, and feel free to leave me some feedback! I will love you forever!
Chapter Twelve – Taking it Slow
Hyde was just beginning to drift to sleep when the loud, familiar voices of his friends once again forced his eyes open. He glared at them over the top of his sleeping bag as they filed one after the other out of Jackie's apartment.
Donna was the first to notice him still lying there, and she gave him an embarrassed smile. "Oh, hey Hyde. Did we wake you?"
"Oh, no," Hyde replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I was sleeping like a baby out here in the hallway, on the hard floor, in my ratty old sleeping bag."
Eric peered over Donna's shoulder. "Rough night, man?"
Pushing himself into a sitting position, Hyde shrugged. "Well, only if you call being stepped on every thirty minutes rough. Man, at one point, there must have been like twenty people trampling over me."
"Yeah, Jackie said the girls next to her always have big parties on the weekends," Eric said.
"What are you guys doing up anyway?" Hyde asked, looking around at them all.
"We're going sightseeing!" Kelso said excitedly.
Fez nodded enthusiastically and clapped his hands. "Yes, they're going to show me the Big Candy Apple!"
Eric shook his head, chuckling. "No, Fez, it's just the Big Apple, and that's New York. We're in Chicago, man, the Windy City."
"Well that doesn't sound nearly as delicious and caramel-coated," Fez grumbled, frowning.
Donna patted him on the back. "Come on, Fez, it'll be great. We'll take you to see the Sears Tower, and there's a ton of shopping to do on Michigan Avenue, and we all know how much you love fashion."
Fez grinned widely.
"Speaking of shopping," Hyde piped up, craning his neck to see over them, "where's your resident fashion expert?"
"Actually, she decided to stay home," Donna said nonchalantly.
Hyde smirked. "You forced her, didn't you?"
Donna looked offended. "I did not force her. Coerced, maybe."
Hyde just shook his head, an amused smile on his face.
"All right, so we're just gonna head out there, buddy," Eric said and then leaned forward conspiratorially to whisper, "Good luck," before he headed down the hall, an eager Fez and Kelso bounding along after him.
"Right, so, we'll see you later then," Donna said as she started off after her boyfriend.
"Hey, Donna, man," Hyde called as he got out of his sleeping bag. She turned around and he offered her a lopsided grin. "Thanks."
She nodded once. "Just don't screw it up again, Hyde." Then she grinned and added, "You're getting to be as bad as Eric."
Hyde shuddered at the thought and watched her disappear down the hallway before taking a deep breath and turning towards the door. He gripped the doorknob tightly and pushed it open, cautiously peeking his head in; afraid it would be hit with some type of flying ammunition. When he saw the coast was clear, he stepped inside and shut the door quietly behind him. It took him only a second to locate Jackie, who was sitting on the far end of the couch in the living room, straight across from him. She was holding a fluffy pink and green flower pillow to her chest, and the TV was on, the familiar theme song of The Price is Right making him smile despite himself.
"You still watch this show, huh?" he heard himself saying, and immediately regretted it as he saw her stiffen.
"I happen to like Bob Barker," was Jackie's flippant reply.
He nodded and decided it was best to switch tactics. "So, you passed up an opportunity to go shopping to stay here with me?" Crap, he thought and almost smacked himself in the forehead for being so tactless. Why the hell couldn't he engage his brain before he spoke?
Jackie glared at him over her shoulder. "Trust me, this is not how I wanted to spend my afternoon."
"Then why are you here?" he asked, unable to stop the words from tumbling out, despite his better judgment.
She shrugged and turned back to the TV. "Donna said you were willing to grovel, and I wouldn't miss that for the world."
Hyde bristled slightly. "Well, I hate to disappoint you, Jackie, but I'm not here to grovel."
Another shrug. "Fine, then you can just leave."
He sighed and plopped down onto the other end of the couch, facing her. "Jackie…"
"I'm serious, Steven," Jackie replied coldly, her eyes riveted to the television screen. "If you're not here to beg for forgiveness after your stupid stunt yesterday, then I don't want to hear anything you have to say."
"Why are you so freakin' stubborn?" Hyde growled in frustration, fisting both hands into his hair.
"Why am I stubborn?" Jackie countered, shifting on the couch to give him her full attention, a deep scowl on her face.
Crap, Hyde thought again, realizing his mistake too late.
"Steven Hyde, you are the definition of stubborn. You were too stubborn to admit you felt something on our Veteran's Day date, you were too stubborn to ever take me out somewhere nice, you were too stubborn to tell me you loved me, you were too stubborn to give me even the tiniest glimmer of hope that someday we could end up together, and you were too stubborn to let yourself in too deep and actually feel something real because you were afraid that I'd pull the rug out from under your feet just like everyone else in your life."
Jackie's eyes were shining with unshed tears, her face flushed from her rant, and all Hyde could do was stare at her, enduring his punishment silently. He knew he deserved every word, and all he could think to say after hearing the pain he'd caused was, "Jacks…I'm sorry." He knew it was inadequate, but it was all he could offer.
She shook her head and said ruefully, "Too little too late, Steven."
"I know," he responded sadly.
After a long moment of silence, Jackie couldn't help but ask the question that had been plaguing her since he'd appeared at her doorstep. "Why are you even here?"
Hyde hesitated, unsure of where to begin and how much he wanted to reveal to her. Heaving a deep sigh, he decided it was time to come clean…about everything. If there was any hope of getting her back into his life, he had to prove to her he could be what she needed. He was suddenly thankful they were alone in her apartment; at least his friends weren't there to witness the complete destruction of his reputation.
"Sam and I got divorced." Well, that's as good a place as any to begin, he thought.
Jackie's eyes widened in surprise. "She left you?"
He rolled his eyes. Leave it to Jackie to mess up a heartfelt confession with a burn. "No, Jackie, I was the one who asked for the divorce."
She cocked a dubious brow at him. "Why?"
Hyde sucked in a deep breath. It's now or never, he thought and then launched himself into his explanation. "I read the letters you wrote to everyone, and Donna, Kelso, and Fez made sure I understood what a dillhole I'd been. I guess I just realized how much I'd hurt you and why I…did what I did."
"You mean marrying a stripper, while you were drunk?"
He frowned slightly. She really wasn't going to give him a break, and he couldn't honestly blame her; he had a lot to answer for. "Look, Jackie, I made a mistake. I should've believed you. It's just…the way I feel about you…I've never felt that way about anyone, and it scares me. But I knew after you left that I didn't want to lose that feeling." He paused and looked away from her, embarrassed that he was being so uncharacteristically open. But the confession had already begun, and there was no turning back now. "When I saw you with Kelso," he continued, his voice a little unsteady at the painful memory, "I remembered everyone else who'd walked out on me after I'd let them in, and even though in the back of my mind, I knew you weren't like them, I made myself believe that you were; it was easier that way – I didn't have to worry that I wouldn't make you happy or that I couldn't live up to your expectations."
"And Sam?" Jackie prompted, though her voice was softer now.
"Sam was an escape. I wanted to forget you, forget how you made me feel, and being with her meant I didn't have to feel anything. At the same time, she kept you away from me, which I thought at the time would be the best way for you to get over me."
She studied him curiously, scrutinizing his expression, looking for any sign of dishonesty. When she found none, she said, "That still doesn't really explain what you're doing here, Steven."
He nodded. "Jacks, I…" but the words refused to come. After everything that he'd confessed to her, he still couldn't say the words she needed to hear, the words he needed to say. Instead, he reached into his pocket, producing the tiny velvet box, and set it on the coffee table before her.
Jackie's eyes became dinner plates as she stared, mouth agape, at the box. Lamely, she pointed to it. "St-Steven, is that…is that what I think it is?"
Hyde smiled a little at her reaction. "Yeah, Jacks." He reached for the box and opened it, revealing the sparkling engagement ring. It was a simple gold band with a pink sapphire cut in the shape of a diamond in the center. Nothing too fancy, but he'd known the minute he'd seen it that Jackie would love it.
"Oh my God," Jackie breathed. "What…why…?"
"This is what I came to Chicago for," he said seriously. "This is my answer."
Her eyes flew to his face. "You-you're proposing?"
He smiled shyly and suddenly the fear was gone. He set the ring down and took her hand in his, his eyes finding hers as he said softly, "Jackie, I lo…"
"Don't!" Jackie shrieked, yanking her hand back.
Hyde stared at her, confused, and noticed the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment.
Jackie was visibly shaking, and her voice trembled as she said, "Please, Steven, just don't. I-I can't do this…not now." She shook her head and the tears broke free, streaking down her pale cheeks. "You put me through hell. You refused to acknowledge any type of feelings for me until you cheated on me, and even after I forgave you, you still didn't trust me. You refused to even consider the possibility of having a future with me until I actually stood up for something that was important to me and left you, and even then you found a way to back out of it. I gave up my career and my life to be with you, only to find that you'd already made a life with someone else. And then, when I'm finally starting to move on, you come barging into my life, telling me now you're ready to marry me?"
"Jackie, I've had this ring since the first time I followed you to Chicago. I came to propose to you then, but I was scared," Hyde said, hating how lame the words sounded to his own ears, but also knowing it was the truth. "I didn't want you to realize ten years down the road that I wasn't good enough for you. Everyone else has already walked out of my life; I didn't think I could handle it if you did too."
"So you decided to walk out on me first?" Jackie spat, her tears blurring her vision.
He could feel her slipping away from him, and a new type of fear began coursing through his veins, causing his heart to hammer inside his chest. "I was stupid, Jackie, and I'm sorry. But I want to be with you, forever, and I'm not afraid of that anymore." He scooted closer to her on the couch and reached for her hand, but she abruptly stood up, shaking her head.
"I have to go," she whispered. "I just…I need to get out for a bit."
"It's almost dark out," Hyde said, for the first time noticing how long they had been sitting there. "You shouldn't walk out there alone."
Jackie backed away from him. "I'll be fine; I know the neighborhood really well."
Sensing her determination, Hyde sighed and nodded once in acceptance. "Just…think about what I said, Jacks. I know what I put you through, and if I could take it all back and do it over again I would."
Nodding absently, Jackie hurried out of her apartment, stopping only briefly to pull on her coat. She walked briskly down the sidewalk past her apartment, her feet instinctively leading her to some unknown destination. Shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her fur coat, Jackie thought about Hyde's words, the meaning behind them, and the courage it must have taken him to say them. She knew him well and she knew it wasn't easy for him to open up like that, but she was wary of letting him in again. He had hurt her far worse than Michael ever had with his cheating. Still, she couldn't just ignore the feelings for him she still harbored. Despite her resolve to forget everything about him and move on, Jackie couldn't deny that she still loved him, even after everything he'd put her through. She'd tried so hard to forget about him, but she just couldn't. No one else had ever made her feel like he did, and she somehow knew that no one else ever would.
But could she really just forget everything and marry him? She shook her head, marveling at how, just a year ago, she would have jumped for joy at the prospect of marriage. Now she wasn't even sure it was what she wanted. But she knew she loved him, and she knew how hard it must have been for him to confess everything to her, and she understood his insecurities. He had never been given a reason to trust people, and every time he let someone in, it seemed they left him. She had slowly shown him that people were not all bad, that he was worthy of love, and she knew that he had finally realized she would never leave him, would never hurt him.
She took a deep breath, allowing the cold air to fill her lungs and momentarily freeze them. The sun had set long ago, and the dark night sky was dotted with stars that could just barely be seen through the tall, looming shapes of the skyscrapers. Jackie wasn't sure just how long she'd been out walking, but she had made her decision, and so, shrugging her coat tighter around her shoulders to keep away the chill, she headed back.
She found him in his sleeping bag in the hallway, and she had to giggle at the pathetic picture he made. His eyes opened at the sound of her voice, and he smiled slowly as he saw her grin.
"You were gone a while," he commented casually, a bit of apprehension slipping into his voice. "Everyone's back from sightseeing. They all went to bed already."
Jackie nodded and held out a hand to him. "Come on inside, you look uncomfortable."
He stared at her for a beat and then took her hand, allowing her to lead him back into the apartment. He followed her silently to her room, his sleeping bag and pillow tucked under his arm, and when she dropped his hand, he gave her a questioning look.
"Don't get any ideas," Jackie warned, but there was a smile on her face. "You're sleeping on the floor."
Hyde chuckled and spread his sleeping bag on the floor, then crawled inside and stared up at the ceiling.
"I thought about what you said, Steven," Jackie said quietly, staring down at him from her bed. "And I want to take things slow."
He smiled, a feeling of contentment spreading through his entire body. "Okay, Jacks," he said, and she smiled, rolling back over and snuggling into her pillow.