A/N: okay, so I know I haven't updated in FOREVER, but in the past week I've been through so much trauma. The love of my life is starting to hate me, my parents are starting to hate me (I actually got kicked out of the house), my best friend got into a serious car crash, and my friend's mom lied to me. THEREFORE, I have an excuse for last week… the rest of the time, idk idk ; Thank you to all of the REVIEWERS! You make this work. 3

Chapter Five

Craig ignored me in school the next day. Not even going out of his way to avoid me, but straight out ignoring me, as if I didn't exist. I waved to him in homeroom, and I tried to sit next to him during lunch, but both times I was brushed off without even a glance in my direction. I suddenly felt sick and my chest area hurt like something big was pressing down on it. And the more Craig ignored me, the more I wondered if I had done something to upset him, even though I knew I hadn't. He kissed me, he was the one that had wanted me. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a whore, but I liked him. It's not supposed to be a bad thing to kiss someone you like..

Kenny was the only one who noticed that anything was off with Craig and me, and he sat next to me in the library during study hall, leaning his books to the side so that we wouldn't be caught talking. I didn't have much to say, and my thoughts kept going back to Craig, but I was thankful for the company anyway, nodding in agreement when he asked me to go over to his house again.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur.

Kenny walked me to his house after school, and I smiled at the awkward silences when he would briefly turn to smile at me before looking away again, walking briskly towards the train tracks that separated his world from mine. I didn't mind that he was so quiet all of the time, it wasn't a bad sort of quiet, like the kinds that came up between Craig and me when he was mad and I didn't know how to fix it, it was just quiet. Like when you step into a willow tree, a secretive quiet. You can't really quite understand it unless you've been there before.

He suddenly turned towards me, looking worried. "Hey, you're not hungry are you?"

I shook my head.

"Good, because sometimes I get hungry after school… But not today."

He led me through the dark living room, and into the hallways into his room, which was softly lit by the light outside. His bed was the only mess in his room, and I suddenly flashed back to sleeping in it only days before. It seemed like a long time ago.

Kenny flopped down on his bed, still fully dressed and looked up at me. "So what do you wanna do?"

I shrugged, still thinking about Craig. Everything always led back to him.

Kenny looked around his room lazily, then up at me. "Ugh, sorry my house sucks. Bet you have lots of stuff at Craig's."

I sat down on the floor, crossing my legs and examining my shoelaces, which always seemed to fall apart at the tips. I cracked the plastic off of one. "Not really. He just usually sits on the bed, and we just think."

"Think?"

"Yeah, he likes that."

"Does he ever tell you what he thinks about?" Kenny sat up now, looking interested. "I mean, does he ever mention other people and stuff?"

"Sometimes, yeah…"

"…Like, who?"

"I'm not sure." It was a lie. I did know who Craig talked about. Of course I knew who he talked about. I memorized every word he ever said to me, repeating it in my head like a mantra for hours, even days after. I wanted to tell him: sometimes he talks about you, and how bad you are…

Kenny nodded, and leaned back again. "And what do you think about?"

"Nothing, really."

"Do you ever think about him?"

I nodded. "Well, yeah, I have to. I mean, he's my best friend."

"No, I meant do you think about him?"

Yes. "No."

He looked over at me, pulling his hood down to show his blue eyes, and I wondered if he could see into my mind with them, pulling out all the pieces Craig left behind, putting them together and seeing what I saw. He smiled at me, and slid near the wall, patting the space besides him. "Let's take a nap, Tweek."

I nodded, suddenly feeling sleepy. I dusted off the pieces of shoelace plastic off my jeans, and pulled off my shoes before crawling into bed. He wrapped his arms around me, and I shut my eyes, imagining a completely different pair. I looked into his eyes and I saw Craig's blue hat. And when he kissed me, I wanted to taste the beer and the salty tears, and I wanted it to be freezing cold with the flickering street lamp, instead of a warm bed with a blonde who couldn't ever have Craig's black hair. My chest felt the painful pressure again, and I had to wonder if that was how it felt for a heart to be broken. Like, the way you feel when you know you can't ever have something back. I loved Craig, but Kenny.. He loved me.

A/N: ummmm, I don't know what that was. Let me know what you guys think.