Disclaimer: No, I do not own the Tales characters. They belong to Namco. I'm too tired to come up with anything witty.

This is pretty much just me being idiotic. Enjoy the pointless humor!

Warnings: Some coarse language (what's life without cursing?) and some innuendo. If you're offended by the word 'sex', this isn't the fic for you. But that's okay. You can read it and flame away!

Once upon a time, the Symphonia gang was hanging out at an inn. I know that this is something they never ever do (not in a million years), but they were doing it all the same.

Lloyd was seated in the one chair in the one room they could afford. Everyone else was either draped over the beds, the floor, or the ceiling fan. He was pretty pleased with himself, seeing as he had to chick-fight Zelos for it, which was no mean feat. Zelos was the king of chick-fights.

"I have a question," Lloyd chirped, settling down farther into the squishy armchair. Everyone glared his way, Regal, Raine, and Colette from the bed, Zelos, Presea, and Sheena from the floor, and Genis from where he was dangling from the ceiling fan. They were all still a little pissed off, and Zelos' cheek was still stinging from where Lloyd had bitch slapped him.

"I was just wondering why it's called an 'inn.'

Everyone groaned.

"No-no, wait! I have a point, I swear to god!" He had to pause to remember what he was going to say. "Oh yeah! Why do we always stay at inns? Aren't there, like, hotels or motels or something? Why does every video game have to have 'inns'? Is it like, supposed to make things seem all magical or something?"

"OMFG," Sheena exclaimed. "You've got a point."

Everyone paused to let the moment sink in. Lloyd actually had a point. He had actually opened his mouth and something worthwhile had come out of it. And it wasn't even one of his corny speeches about duty and ideals and friendship and all the other stuff they say in those credit card commercials.

"I've never thought of that…" Raine began.

"Of course you never thought of that," Genis called down, his voice slightly constricted from dangling from a ceiling fan. "Only an idiot would think of that. An idiot like Zelos."
"I'm going to kill you in the face."

"Now, now Zelos," Sheena scolded, "No need to be a bitch."

Zelos looked in her direction hopefully. "I'll be your bitch! You can tie me up and—,"

Raine threw a book at his head. "Zelos! Don't talk about S and M in front of the children!"

"What's S and M?" Lloyd asked.

"Nothing you want anything to do with," Sheena assured him.

"It's not that bad," Regal shrugged.

Nobody asked.

"Have you not had your sex talk yet, Lloyd baby?" Zelos asked.

Sheena coughed. The word 'sex' always made her twitch unc

omfortably. She was a prude, you know.

"Sex talk?" Lloyd asked, glancing at Raine. "What's a sex talk?"

Just then, the room's door banged open, nailing Zelos in the back of the head. Kratos and Yuan stumbled into the room. Kratos was in his bitchin' outfit, the snazzy white one that made him look unbelievably hardcore.

"Did someone say sex?" he asked.

"No, Kratos, nobody said sex," Yuan snapped back. "Just cause you've got your mind stuck in the gutter twenty-four seven doesn't mean everybody else does. Just cause you only think about—,"

"Actually, Yuan, we were talking about sex."

"Oh.." Yuan went and buried his head in some sand outside in the backyard.

"Thank god that's got rid of him," Kratos sighed, collapsing onto the bed beside Raine. "He's like a goddamn stalker."

"You should be flattered," Raine said, cheerful in a way that made you want to punch her out.

Kratos eyed her critically. "Would you be flattered if a four thousand year-old, winged, rebel-leading, blue-haired psychopath was stalking you?"

"After analyzing the available data," Presea mused, looking in Raine's direcntion, "I have come to conclusion that you got pwned."

"True dat," Zelos agreed.

"Fo shizzle," Genis added.

"Okay, can we stop?" Sheena asked.

"But we're so gangsta!"

Sheena slapped Zelos in the face. She attempted to hit Genis but he turned on the ceiling fan and used the momentum to rocket himself out of the room. He had gone to join Yuan in the sandbox, where he sat building pretty castles and sea monsters.

"You know, I think I'm outta here too," Zelos muttered, getting up, "Before someone really does stab me in the face."

This put everyone into a rather introspective mood. They thought about deep things, like the meaning of the universe.

"I'm bored," Presea announced, leaving the room. Regal followed her, cause, you know, he used to date her sister, who looks about twelve while he looks about thirty. Kratos was gonna call him a perverted freak, but he worried Lloyd might ask what a perverted freak was.

"Hey, guys, what's a perverted freak?"

"Jesus Christ! It's like we're linked mentally!" Kratos yelled. "I love you son!" He left abruptly, his bipolar disorder setting in again.

"Come on, guys, tell me what a perverted freak is!"

Sheena used that moment to make her exit. All this talk of perverts was making her miss hers. Raine followed, as she is everyone's chaperone. Damn her to hell and back.

This left Lloyd all alone and…oh shit. I've completely forgotten about Colette. Dammit! And I thought I had included everyone in the story! Oh well…how about this? While everyone had been conversing, a huge swirling portal had opened into the Realm of Darkness, sucking Colette into the World That Never Was, where she was held hostage by the various creepy men of Organization 13, in their relentless search for the Heart of All Worlds and a meaning in their pointless lives. Nobody noticed she had gone.

Whew. Good save.

Anyway, Lloyd was left alone in the room. It took him a moment to realize everyone had gone.

"Wait guys! What's sex? You gotta tell me!"

-Fin

I apologize profusely for this but there you are. Oh, and if anyone was wondering, that thing about the World That Never Was and the Heart of All Worlds was a reference to Kingdom Hearts 2.