Author's note: Some of my readers have thrown out the word "pedophile," and I'd just like to point out that while a sexual relationship between a 24-year-old male and a 17-year-old female is somewhat scandalous, it is FAR from the realm of pedophilia. Maturity-wise, there really isn't much difference between a 24-year-old guy and a 17-year-old girl, and I say this from sincere experience. So anyway. There you go. There are only two chapters after this one. Slowly but surely.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It happened so fast, so fast that when I try to play it back in my head, everything moves out of order. There was that moment, you know, that initial moment where everything was frozen. Tension in the air as thick as concrete. And then suddenly the room was on fire, everything was in motion, Sean screaming and me arguing and Ellie whimpering. He wouldn't even look at her; he directed all of his acidic anger towards me. I've always been the easiest target. Blame sticks to Tracker like Phil's nostril to a line of ice.

"How long?" I remember him barking, a cold comment that managed to slice through the mess of stuttering and yelling. The room was quiet then, his voice echoed in the silence. Ellie's cries stifled into nothingness. Sean's eyes went soft suddenly, as if the anger had lifted all at once and only genuine hurt remained. "How long?"

I couldn't speak, I could barely look at him. When he's acting like a tough guy it's not so hard to feel bad, but when I see those eyes… Poor kid. Poor mother fucking kid. I should have been stronger than him.

When I didn't answer, Ellie braved a step forward, seeing that Sean had softened. She reached out to touch his arm. "Sean, why don't we sit down and talk for a minute? Tracker didn't…"

"Shut the fuck up, Ellie!" He tossed her hand off of him. I'd never heard him talk to anyone like that, least of all Ellie. Her face lost color; she looked like she'd been slapped. But when I glanced at Sean I could see that it hurt him even more. Tears erupted down her pale face and she ran out of the room, sobbing into her hands.

"How long?" he said again, stepping closer to me, fire in his eyes. He tore his glare away from me for just a moment, as if it was too sickening for him to stand. "I mean… how the fuck… right here in this room…" He couldn't form sentences, he was choking on his word. The reality of this game was like a pill too big to swallow. I felt my mouth get dry, the room got smaller. "How long, Tracker?"

"I'm sorry, Sean," was all I could say. I knew that details would just make it worse. "I'm sorry." I put my hand on his shoulder. He still wasn't quite as tall as me but he was closer than he used to be.

He ripped my hand away violently and gave me a shove. "You're sorry? Sorry? You think I give a shit? Sorry can't even begin to fix this shit…" He stepped forward again, and I found myself stepping back. He clenched his fists. I could see the muscles in his neck and forehead tighten.

"Look, Sean…"

"No LOOK, TRACKER!" He shoved me hard and knocked me into the dresser. The metal knobs of the drawer jabbed my back and it hurt. A lot.

"Alright, fuck this, I'm not doing this with you, Seanny." I stepped to move around him, reaching for my jacket on the floor.

The next thing I knew I'd been knocked to the ground by a heavy blow to the face. I felt Sean's dirty sneakers slam into my chest and I was gasping for air. The moment oxygen rushed back into my lungs I yanked hard to pull Sean's legs out from under him, bringing him to the ground with me. I hardly had time to register what was happening. My brother and I were rolling around on the floor, knocking the unholy shit out of each other. I heard the lamp in the corner crash to the ground, glass spilling across the carpet. Sean slammed his fist into my face repeatedly while my knuckles went white with trying to pry him off of me. I heard Ellie's voice again, screaming.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I had the clarity to think, wow, it sounds just like my childhood.

After a few minutes of tossing each other around, I started to get scared. I was pushing, but he wasn't going anywhere. I was fighting back, but I was still the one pinned mercilessly to the floor. We hadn't romped like this since we were kids, and it came startlingly to my attention that Sean had grown a lot since then. Little brother was no longer a pint-sized twerp that I could make say "uncle." Little brother was now a good twenty pounds heavier than me, with meaty hands that could squeeze the breath out of me. Little brother was beating the fuck out of me. Little brother was pissed as hell and I might not be able to stop him.

I was panting. I felt dizzy. My arms were starting to go limp. Through the blur of flesh that was Sean's fists barraging me, I could see those eyes on fire. I found myself terrified of the look on his face, and I began to remember Sean as a kid. I remembered the counselors and social workers, the furious outbursts and tossing dishes across the kitchen and anger management techniques we had to remind him of. God. How had I forgotten just how dangerous he could be? Sean deafened a kid. He was kicked out of school, arrested. Our own parents sent him to me because they were afraid of him.

I hadn't seen this side of him in so long. I guess I deserved it.

I tasted blood, trickling from my lower lip. I tried kicking until Sean rolled off of me but it was no use. My vision started to blur. My cheeks and throat were raw and aching, and I felt a searing pain through my stomach and chest. All at once I felt like my ribs were going to collapse as Ellie jumped desperately on top of Sean to get him to stop. In a few moments I felt all of the weight lifted and I could finally breath. The light faded and all I could hear were the heavy pantings of Sean, Ellie, and myself.

Then everything went black.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I felt a cool rag and soft hands against the raw flesh of my face. I howled in pain as pressure was applied and yanked my face away quickly. I blinked a few times and the room came into focus again. My breath caught in my chest for a moment when I saw how heavily Sean and I had trashed the room in our scuffle. I took a deep breath and my chest ached. I looked over and saw Ellie, bent over me, clutching a wet rag with a helpless look in her eyes.

"Where's Sean?" I asked groggily, taking the rag from her and pressing it gently against my busted lip.

Ellie shrugged. I had never seen her so worn down and emotionless. "He left. He took most of his stuff with him. What he could carry, anyway."

I laughed coldly. "Typical Cameron." I tried standing but immediately gave up and plunked back to the ground. The kid had definitely done a number on me. "And you? You're still here?" I had fully expected to wake up alone when the shit hit the fan.

She winced a little, as if that comment stung. "Well I mean, I couldn't leave you unconscious on the floor, could I? I wanted to call an ambulance, but I was scared. I thought… they might arrest Sean or something."

"God forbid." But she was right. I was in no mood to deal with cops. The last thing I wanted was more trouble for Sean. I started to wonder where he'd gone, what old friends I needed to call up, what I would have to do to hunt him down. It then occurred to me that maybe Sean didn't want to be chased down. That maybe even if I did find him, there was nothing I could do or say to change things. That maybe this was a family crisis that I couldn't fix.

It struck me for the first time that the damage I had done might be irreparable.

"So Ellie," I said, trying to think and speak at the same time. I stumbled clumsily to my feet, using the dresser to hold me up. I was still dizzy. "Do you… do you have somewhere you could stay tonight? We can worry about getting all your stuff together tomorrow…" I staggered slowly towards the kitchen.

"What?" said Ellie, her voice trembling. She stood up quickly and tried to help me walk, but I moved away from her. She swallowed hard. "What are you talking about?"

I reached into the cabinet and got a glass, buying myself time to pull my words together as I filled it with water from the sink. I gulped and exhaled, and unfortunately, she was still standing there, afraid and expectant. I sighed. "Ellie, I can't let you stay here any more. It wouldn't be right. Tonight I'm going to drink myself stupid, and after I wake up tomorrow and nurse my hangover, I'm going to try and find Sean. I'm going to try and fix this mess and see if I can possibly get my brother to forgive me. I'm not going to be able to make things right if you're still here living with me. I'm sorry."

I saw those familiar tears well up again in the corners of her tired hazel eyes. It was all going down again. "But… but I want to stay. I knew we were going to have to deal with this sooner or later, I knew things were going to fall apart with Sean and I'm still not sure how to handle that but…" She looked down at the moldy floor. She was trying so hard not to cry. "But I want to stay. I want to stay with you."

Those are hard words to say sometimes. I should know. I was the asswipe who didn't have the balls to say them when my wife kicked me out. Ellie was still fighting tears and I hoped with all my might that she would win the battle. I couldn't have her falling apart in front of me. I knew what I had to do and she wasn't making it easy for me.

"I wish you could stay too, kid, but… It's not that simple."

"Why?" Quiet tears trickled down her cheeks. She stifled a sob.

Don't do this to me, Ellie, I found myself screaming in my head. I found myself getting angry. How had I ever let myself get sucked in so deep? "Because, god damn it, we fucked up." I slammed my glass on the counter a little harder than I intended and it made Ellie jump slightly. "Don't you get that? Don't you get that we fucked up? It's not going to be fucking sunshine and rainbows, it never was. We were never going to be together, Ellie. It was never going to be okay."

I had known that all along, but somehow this was the first time I'd let myself say it out loud.

Ellie was full-blown crying now, and I thought I understood why. "I can't go, Tracker."

I moved towards her, slowly wrapping my arms around her as I sighed. "I know, Ellie, but… you can't stay here. I'm sorry, that's the way it has to be."

"NO." She pushed me away and turned, hiding her face from me. "You don't understand. I can't… I don't have anywhere to go… I don't have anyone who can help…"

"What about your mom? Can't you move back in with her…?"

"Are you kidding me? My mom can't even take care of me… I can't go back to her like this."

I felt a lump forming in my throat, like a ten-pound stone. Something was very wrong. "Like… what?"

She turned around again, her face distorted in painful sobs. "I'm pregnant, Tracker." She looked like she was about to shatter into tiny pieces. She was that fragile just then. And sadly, that's how I knew she was telling the truth. "I'm pregnant."