Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to the song Keep
Breathing by Garbage.
Hand in Hand
Chapter Seven: Keep Breathing
Raven groaned and shifted slightly where she lay. She didn't know where she was, and in truth she didn't want to find out. She cracked open her sticky eyes. And immediately knew that no one had thought to check up on her. She was still in the same position as she had been the night before. It was like her dagger had just been twisted in her side a few times. It was so clear now. They really didn't care.
She struggled up onto her knees and pulled her arm quickly off the carpet. The blood from her wounds had dried and stuck to the floor. She winced as one of the cuts was reopened. She looked at her arm for a moment. The jagged red lines looked as if they had been drawn with a red marker instead of her dagger.
Her dagger.
She looked around and spied it resting on the floor, flakes of dark red stuck to the silver blade. She picked it up tenderly as if it was a living thing. She sighed and shook her head. She tilted her head back, ignoring the ache in her body from sleeping in such a weird position, and looked at the black clock on her wall. Ten minutes past nine. She was normally meditating by now.
They really don't care, she thought bitterly as she forced her weak legs to stand. She stumbled slightly but managed to regain her balance by grabbing onto the nearest bookcase. She expelled a breath and waited a while until she was sure that legs were regaining their strength.
## She's not the kind of girl
Who likes to tell the world
About the way she feels about herself##
She shook her head again, to try and clear her thoughts and then moved over to her bathroom. She grasped the door handle and winced as the reopened wound stung in protest. She pulled down the handle and pushed open the door.
She flicked on the light and immediately her violet bathroom was illuminated. She flicked the lever that operated the shower and a jet of luke-warm water sprang out from the shower head. She watched the water for a moment and then set about removing her uniform. Her shaking arms made it hard for her to untie the fastenings on her books and cloak. Finally though she did manage and stepping out of her shoes she shed her blue cloak. It slid down to the floor where it landed like a puddle of dark water.
She brought her unmarked arm up to take down the sleeve of her leotard. The silky material came away easily and she peeled it away as if it were her second skin. If only if it was that easy to shed one's own skin and move on.
She didn't look at the mirror as she moved forward to put her clothes in the black wicker laundry basket. She had already smashed it months ago. She didn't want to have to look at herself.
## She takes a little time
In making up her mind
She doesn't want to fight against the tide##
She looked around her, as if she could find something that would remind her of why she stuck around with the titans. But she found nothing. Sighing she walked over to the basin and turned on the tap. The water gushed out and she held the knife under it. She watched as all the pieces of dried blood were drained away. She turned the tap off and put the knife on the edge of the sink. Water dripped down at its point onto the dark purple carpet. She blinked several times trying to ride herself of the feeling of tears building up behind her eyes. She turned away from her weapon.
She bit her lip as she moved over to the shower, she knew the water would hurt, it always did. She closed her eyes, took a breath and stepped in. The warm water washed over her head and then ran in tiny rivers across her skin, separating and then rejoining.
The water splashed against her arm, and it did hurt. The water than ran at the bottom of the shower suddenly turned pink and then red as it mingled with her blood.
Raven watched it with indifference. It made no difference whether she bled or not in the shower, there was no one around to see. She washed herself quickly with a lavender gel, avoiding her wounded arm diligently.
She stood for a while again under the water until the last of the suds were washed away, she liked to pretend that the bubbles were her sins and that she was somehow washing them away instead.
She turned off the shower and stepped out. She picked up a black towel that was on the sideboard and dried herself as quickly as she could manage. She wrapped the towel around her; she didn't even notice how soft it was today.
She turned the light off and went back into her room.
## Lately,
I'm not the only one,
I say,
Never trust anyone##
She hugged the towel to her as she strode towards her wardrobe. She opened the wooden cabinet and stared at her clothes. It was either jeans and along sleeves shirt or her uniform. She sighed. She didn't want to wear her uniform again; already it was fast becoming lost in a sea of bad memories.
She pulled out a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved dark blue polo neck jumper. She looked at them apprehensively. Oh well, between a rock and a hard place...
## Always the one who has to drag her down,
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around##
Now she was dressed she looked down at herself. She looked normal. But then looks can be deceiving. She realised that the jumper would itch at her cuts so rolling up her sleeve she quickly wrapped a long piece of black bandage around her wrist and lower arm. Her bandages were always black; they were less noticeable that way. She pulled the sleeve back down; satisfied that she couldn't make out the bandages through the dark fabric.
She turned towards the door, she thought maybe some herbal tea before hand would calm her nerves so she could meditate and eventually find out what was wrong in nevermore. She slid open her door and walked out into the hallway.
## Can't bear to face the truth,
So sick he cannot move,
And when it hurts he takes it out on you##
She descended down the stairs and was immediately met by a site she had come to despise. Well, not despise exactly, but she found it annoying and pointless.
"...Real eggs..." Cyborg was saying what he would prefer for breakfast.
"Tofu!" interrupted Beast Boy frowning at his half robot friend.
"..And bacon..." continued Cyborg ignoring the green elf in front of him.
"How can you eat meat? It used to be alive!" yelled Beast Boy trying to shove Cyborg from the stove, unsuccessfully.
"...and sausages." He finished as he took out the frying pan.
"NOOO!" yelled Beast Boy diving at him, arms outstretched.
"Hey! What the...GET OFF!" Shouted Cyborg as he stumbled backwards and held the frying pan above his head, "I'm making breakfast today!"
Raven glared at them and moved over to the counter. She quickly made herself a cup of herbal tea, jasmine; she was in the mood for jasmine. She tried to ignore the childish play-fighting that was occurring next to her.
"Morning Raven." Said Robin from beside her.
Raven jumped slightly and sent him a derisive look, "Robin. Have fun last night?"
Robin grinned while began fixing his own breakfast. It comprised mainly of cereal and milk. There was no chance of getting near the stove while Cyborg and Beast Boy were fighting, "Yeah, it was a blast, you should have come Rae." He frowned suddenly, "Yeah, you should have come and saved me from Star's carnival cake, which I watched her make on the spot from what she could find." He looked ill but then he remembered who he was talking to, "So what did you do last night? Did you have fun?"
## Lately,
I'm not the only one,
I say,
Never trust anyone##
Oh the irony of it all, Raven thought dryly taking a sip of her tea, "Why would you care?" she asked snippily as she brushed past him and headed towards the table.
Robin stood there for a moment dumbfounded by her response.
## Always the one who has to drag her down,
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around##
Raven slid into a seat by the empty table, she wondered where Starfire and Terra were. She cupped her bare hands around her tea and let it warm her. Robin sat down opposite her with a bowl full of cereal and scowled.
"What do you mean, why would I care? What's that supposed to mean?" he asked as stuck his spoon into his bowl of frosted flakes.
Raven surveyed him over the rim of her cup, "Nothing." She muttered averting her eyes.
## The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing##
"You know I care Raven." Said Robin reaching over and putting his hand on hers, "Anything that's bothering you, you know you can tell me right?"
Raven didn't say anything she just looked at his hand on top of hers.
"You're part of this team Raven. It's my duty to make sure you're all alright." Robin continued.
## She knows the human heart,
And how to read the stars,
Now everything's about to fall apart##
Raven jerked her hand out from under his quickly, she knew it was duty or something, he didn't really care, he just felt obligated. She gave him a dry look, "Part of this team." She sneered, "What more could I ask for?" she drained her tea in one mouthful and then put down the cup, hard.
"What does that mean?" he asked grabbing her arm as she went to walk away. Somewhere behind him the kettle exploded in a little puff of black energy.
## I won't be the one who's going to let you down,
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around? ##
She turned her blazing eyes on him, "I don't like to be touched." She hissed, "Now let go of me!" she could feel his fingers pressing against her cuts. The pressure he was exerting was making the pain excruciating, they hadn't healed properly yet.
Robin released her arm grudgingly, "Raven, what's the matter?"
"Nothing." She snapped turning her back on him.
## I won't be the one who's going to let you down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around? ##
"Are you sure? You seem different." he went to reach out to her again, but before his fingers could even brush her skin the window exploded in wards and the room was subjected to a seconds worth of glass rain.
##The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing##
"Whoa!" yelled Beast Boy suddenly covering his head with the frying pan he had wrestled from his friend. "What happened?"
##The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing##
"Raven?" asked Robin dropping his arm and looking at her in question. His eyebrows were raised as well and his fist was on his hip.
Raven growled at him, "I just need to meditate." With that she stormed off upstairs and met Starfire on the way.
"Friend Raven! Good morn...Where are you going?"
Raven ignored her friend, if she could call her that, maybe none of them liked her and it was all a charade. She hadn't thought of that. She headed towards the roof intent on meditating all day, partly to get her mind and nevermore in order, and partly to separate herself from the others.
##The trick is to keep breathing##
Hand in Hand
Chapter Seven: Keep Breathing
Raven groaned and shifted slightly where she lay. She didn't know where she was, and in truth she didn't want to find out. She cracked open her sticky eyes. And immediately knew that no one had thought to check up on her. She was still in the same position as she had been the night before. It was like her dagger had just been twisted in her side a few times. It was so clear now. They really didn't care.
She struggled up onto her knees and pulled her arm quickly off the carpet. The blood from her wounds had dried and stuck to the floor. She winced as one of the cuts was reopened. She looked at her arm for a moment. The jagged red lines looked as if they had been drawn with a red marker instead of her dagger.
Her dagger.
She looked around and spied it resting on the floor, flakes of dark red stuck to the silver blade. She picked it up tenderly as if it was a living thing. She sighed and shook her head. She tilted her head back, ignoring the ache in her body from sleeping in such a weird position, and looked at the black clock on her wall. Ten minutes past nine. She was normally meditating by now.
They really don't care, she thought bitterly as she forced her weak legs to stand. She stumbled slightly but managed to regain her balance by grabbing onto the nearest bookcase. She expelled a breath and waited a while until she was sure that legs were regaining their strength.
## She's not the kind of girl
Who likes to tell the world
About the way she feels about herself##
She shook her head again, to try and clear her thoughts and then moved over to her bathroom. She grasped the door handle and winced as the reopened wound stung in protest. She pulled down the handle and pushed open the door.
She flicked on the light and immediately her violet bathroom was illuminated. She flicked the lever that operated the shower and a jet of luke-warm water sprang out from the shower head. She watched the water for a moment and then set about removing her uniform. Her shaking arms made it hard for her to untie the fastenings on her books and cloak. Finally though she did manage and stepping out of her shoes she shed her blue cloak. It slid down to the floor where it landed like a puddle of dark water.
She brought her unmarked arm up to take down the sleeve of her leotard. The silky material came away easily and she peeled it away as if it were her second skin. If only if it was that easy to shed one's own skin and move on.
She didn't look at the mirror as she moved forward to put her clothes in the black wicker laundry basket. She had already smashed it months ago. She didn't want to have to look at herself.
## She takes a little time
In making up her mind
She doesn't want to fight against the tide##
She looked around her, as if she could find something that would remind her of why she stuck around with the titans. But she found nothing. Sighing she walked over to the basin and turned on the tap. The water gushed out and she held the knife under it. She watched as all the pieces of dried blood were drained away. She turned the tap off and put the knife on the edge of the sink. Water dripped down at its point onto the dark purple carpet. She blinked several times trying to ride herself of the feeling of tears building up behind her eyes. She turned away from her weapon.
She bit her lip as she moved over to the shower, she knew the water would hurt, it always did. She closed her eyes, took a breath and stepped in. The warm water washed over her head and then ran in tiny rivers across her skin, separating and then rejoining.
The water splashed against her arm, and it did hurt. The water than ran at the bottom of the shower suddenly turned pink and then red as it mingled with her blood.
Raven watched it with indifference. It made no difference whether she bled or not in the shower, there was no one around to see. She washed herself quickly with a lavender gel, avoiding her wounded arm diligently.
She stood for a while again under the water until the last of the suds were washed away, she liked to pretend that the bubbles were her sins and that she was somehow washing them away instead.
She turned off the shower and stepped out. She picked up a black towel that was on the sideboard and dried herself as quickly as she could manage. She wrapped the towel around her; she didn't even notice how soft it was today.
She turned the light off and went back into her room.
## Lately,
I'm not the only one,
I say,
Never trust anyone##
She hugged the towel to her as she strode towards her wardrobe. She opened the wooden cabinet and stared at her clothes. It was either jeans and along sleeves shirt or her uniform. She sighed. She didn't want to wear her uniform again; already it was fast becoming lost in a sea of bad memories.
She pulled out a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved dark blue polo neck jumper. She looked at them apprehensively. Oh well, between a rock and a hard place...
## Always the one who has to drag her down,
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around##
Now she was dressed she looked down at herself. She looked normal. But then looks can be deceiving. She realised that the jumper would itch at her cuts so rolling up her sleeve she quickly wrapped a long piece of black bandage around her wrist and lower arm. Her bandages were always black; they were less noticeable that way. She pulled the sleeve back down; satisfied that she couldn't make out the bandages through the dark fabric.
She turned towards the door, she thought maybe some herbal tea before hand would calm her nerves so she could meditate and eventually find out what was wrong in nevermore. She slid open her door and walked out into the hallway.
## Can't bear to face the truth,
So sick he cannot move,
And when it hurts he takes it out on you##
She descended down the stairs and was immediately met by a site she had come to despise. Well, not despise exactly, but she found it annoying and pointless.
"...Real eggs..." Cyborg was saying what he would prefer for breakfast.
"Tofu!" interrupted Beast Boy frowning at his half robot friend.
"..And bacon..." continued Cyborg ignoring the green elf in front of him.
"How can you eat meat? It used to be alive!" yelled Beast Boy trying to shove Cyborg from the stove, unsuccessfully.
"...and sausages." He finished as he took out the frying pan.
"NOOO!" yelled Beast Boy diving at him, arms outstretched.
"Hey! What the...GET OFF!" Shouted Cyborg as he stumbled backwards and held the frying pan above his head, "I'm making breakfast today!"
Raven glared at them and moved over to the counter. She quickly made herself a cup of herbal tea, jasmine; she was in the mood for jasmine. She tried to ignore the childish play-fighting that was occurring next to her.
"Morning Raven." Said Robin from beside her.
Raven jumped slightly and sent him a derisive look, "Robin. Have fun last night?"
Robin grinned while began fixing his own breakfast. It comprised mainly of cereal and milk. There was no chance of getting near the stove while Cyborg and Beast Boy were fighting, "Yeah, it was a blast, you should have come Rae." He frowned suddenly, "Yeah, you should have come and saved me from Star's carnival cake, which I watched her make on the spot from what she could find." He looked ill but then he remembered who he was talking to, "So what did you do last night? Did you have fun?"
## Lately,
I'm not the only one,
I say,
Never trust anyone##
Oh the irony of it all, Raven thought dryly taking a sip of her tea, "Why would you care?" she asked snippily as she brushed past him and headed towards the table.
Robin stood there for a moment dumbfounded by her response.
## Always the one who has to drag her down,
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around##
Raven slid into a seat by the empty table, she wondered where Starfire and Terra were. She cupped her bare hands around her tea and let it warm her. Robin sat down opposite her with a bowl full of cereal and scowled.
"What do you mean, why would I care? What's that supposed to mean?" he asked as stuck his spoon into his bowl of frosted flakes.
Raven surveyed him over the rim of her cup, "Nothing." She muttered averting her eyes.
## The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing##
"You know I care Raven." Said Robin reaching over and putting his hand on hers, "Anything that's bothering you, you know you can tell me right?"
Raven didn't say anything she just looked at his hand on top of hers.
"You're part of this team Raven. It's my duty to make sure you're all alright." Robin continued.
## She knows the human heart,
And how to read the stars,
Now everything's about to fall apart##
Raven jerked her hand out from under his quickly, she knew it was duty or something, he didn't really care, he just felt obligated. She gave him a dry look, "Part of this team." She sneered, "What more could I ask for?" she drained her tea in one mouthful and then put down the cup, hard.
"What does that mean?" he asked grabbing her arm as she went to walk away. Somewhere behind him the kettle exploded in a little puff of black energy.
## I won't be the one who's going to let you down,
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around? ##
She turned her blazing eyes on him, "I don't like to be touched." She hissed, "Now let go of me!" she could feel his fingers pressing against her cuts. The pressure he was exerting was making the pain excruciating, they hadn't healed properly yet.
Robin released her arm grudgingly, "Raven, what's the matter?"
"Nothing." She snapped turning her back on him.
## I won't be the one who's going to let you down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around? ##
"Are you sure? You seem different." he went to reach out to her again, but before his fingers could even brush her skin the window exploded in wards and the room was subjected to a seconds worth of glass rain.
##The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing##
"Whoa!" yelled Beast Boy suddenly covering his head with the frying pan he had wrestled from his friend. "What happened?"
##The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing,
The trick is to keep breathing##
"Raven?" asked Robin dropping his arm and looking at her in question. His eyebrows were raised as well and his fist was on his hip.
Raven growled at him, "I just need to meditate." With that she stormed off upstairs and met Starfire on the way.
"Friend Raven! Good morn...Where are you going?"
Raven ignored her friend, if she could call her that, maybe none of them liked her and it was all a charade. She hadn't thought of that. She headed towards the roof intent on meditating all day, partly to get her mind and nevermore in order, and partly to separate herself from the others.
##The trick is to keep breathing##