Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song I
Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage
Hand in Hand
Chapter Fourteen: I Think I'm Paranoid
Raven stared out of the window of the T-car as all the others cars became blurs and all the building seemed to be connected in one long never- ending grey line. All the people the car passed seemed to have no faces, just empty circles where their eyes should be, no distinguishing features, they all looked the same, their brightly coloured clothes running into each other and turning into a muddy pond of browns and reds.
She now hated the fact that she had decided to wear normal clothes today, true Starfire, Terra and Robin were all wearing their own clothes, but she felt, naked without her cloak. She felt unsafe as if anything could just reach out and grab her. She shivered and rubbed her arms as if she was cold. But how could that be, the heater was on in the T-car and the fan was swirling the warm air around the vehicle slowly so that it was nice and toasty.
##You can look,
But you can't touch,
I don't think I like you much,
Heaven knows what a girl can do,
Heaven knows what you've got to prove##
Raven let her hands fall to her lap. Her fingers twitched slightly. She frowned as she passed the world by, it seemed very different to view it all from the inside of the car rather than from out there with the people.
The people on the street were all human, completely human and somehow that knowledge made her think that they all knew and despised the fact that she was a half demon.
The car drew to a sharp stop as the light changed to red. Raven continued to look out the window as she tried to ignore the conversation that Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad were having in the back.
A car pulled up next to the T-car in the next lane. All the people in the car, with holes for eyes and no real faces turned to stare at Raven long and hard. Raven unnerved stared back.
Their horrible faces somehow formed gaping black mouths that suddenly opened in grotesque leers. Raven's breath caught in her throat as they laughed at her. She blinked.
The old man was staring straight ahead, his normal eyes watching the lights, his mouth curling into a smile as his wife said something to the two little children in the back. Raven frowned.
##I think I'm paranoid,
And complicated,
I think I'm paranoid,
And manipulated##
As the lights changed and the T-car started forward Raven turned away from the window and instead fixed her gaze on the radio. It was playing a pop song by a group she had never even heard of. But the words were hard to make out. Her frown deepened.
Her fingers twitched again and she wriggled his fingers slightly, the sensation subsided after a moment and she rested her hands once again.
##Bend me and break me,
Anyway you need me,
Because all I want is you##
She scratched idly at her wrist with her good hand. She was sure the song on the radio was going on about mince pies, but she couldn't be too sure. After all she never listened to pop music, for all she knew mince pies might be in fashion.
She looked up into the rear-view mirror and watched Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad laughing, she wondered if they'd ever talk to her like that. She didn't think so. Terra seemed to fit in so much more than she did, Terra seemed to laugh at everything and flirt with everyone, two things which Raven never did herself. Aqualad caught her eye in the mirror and smiled. Raven smiled back, as well as she could, given the present condition of her mind.
##Bend me and break me,
Breaking down is easy,
Because all I want is you##
Raven sighed quietly and dropped her gaze from the mirror. She turned her attention back to the radio. It seemed to her as if the song had moved on from mince pies and was now warbling away at the joys of the motorway...she scowled at it. Never in her life had she heard such ridiculous lyrics.
Her eyes widened slightly when the song started singing about killing ravens. She looked around at the others in the car but they seemed to not notice. She looked closely at Cyborg, he was mouthing along to the song, but the words he was mouthing were not the words she was hearing. The songs words were crude and vicious going on about catching a raven and putting it in a box to rot, because it was an evil and vile bird that did not deserve life.
Raven shook her head, and suddenly the real words to the song flooded her ears. She stared at the radio for a moment in confusion.
##I fall down just to give you a thrill,
Prop me up with another pill,
If I should fail,
If I should fold,
I nailed my faith to the sticking pole##
Raven knew that she was being silly, the world wasn't out to get her, and she knew that really she had nothing to be afraid of. But that couldn't ease the feeling of despair and fear that was building in her stomach.
Her hands and fingers were itching her tremendously. She scratched at them, but it didn't seem to ease the tickling. She looked down and jumped in her seat. A thousand or so red fire ants were crawling all over her, biting at her skin and drawing blood, their stick like legs were brushing against her fingers and against her clothes. She felt bile rise up in her throat and she tried to brush them all away.
##I think I'm paranoid,
Manipulated,
I think I'm paranoid,
Too complicated##
"Raven what are you doing?" asked Cyborg suddenly.
Raven looked up in surprise, she then looked back down to find her hands, clean and ant free, "There was a bug." She answered stiffly.
"Oh, okay." He replied and then turned his attention back to driving.
Suddenly Robin's bike roared past the T-car, Starfire let go of Robin's waist with one hand and waved as they overtook the other.
"What?! I ain't having no bike beat the T-car to the movies!" growled Cyborg in outrage and slammed his foot down on the acceleration.
Raven watched the bike as the car caught up, and her thoughts drifted to the driver of said bike. Robin. She bit her lip, he always seemed to understand her, but lately he was annoying her more than the others. She frowned. Her head was so messed up.
##Bend me and Break me,
Any way you need me,
Because all I want is you##
As the motorcycle began to pull away again, Raven could have sworn she saw Starfire laughing, which was impossible; the alien girl's face was hidden behind the helmet visor. But Raven had got the distinct impression...she shook her head...she really must be paranoid. But she couldn't dislodge the feeling that one of her best friends had been laughing...at her.
Raven quickly looked in the mirror, the three in the back of the car were still laughing together.
##Bend me and break me,
Breaking down is easy,
All I want is you##
She turned back and made herself be content to look out of the front window; she didn't want to look out of the side window ever again. The road was empty; it was as if all the other cars had vanished. The only two vehicles on the road were the T-car and Robin's bike.
Her eyelids drooped, but she wasn't tired.
The road seemed to heave as they sped across it, she watched as it rose up and down in hills as if it was alive, but she couldn't feel anything as the car sped on.
##I think I'm paranoid,
I think I'm paranoid##
Suddenly in the middle of the road, to Raven's eyes only, yawned a great black hole. It covered the road, and it was evil and menacing as if it threatened to swallow them all. She tried to warn the others but it was as if her lips had been glued together. Robin's bike reached it first and disappeared down into the depths. The others in the car screamed suddenly and slammed on the brakes, but it was too late the T-car also teetered over the edge of the hole and then tumbled into darkness. Cyborg, Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad all turned to her.
"It's all your fault, it's all your fault." They chanted in hushed voices, "It's all your fault, we hate you."
Raven closed her eyes.
##Bend me,
Break me,
Any way you need me,
All I want is you##
She opened her eyes again and stared dumbfounded out of the window. Robin's bike was still ahead and still going, the road was flat, the others in the back were still joking and laughing and Cyborg was hunched over the steering wheel muttering as he tried to get the car to catch up with the bike.
Raven's heart thudded heavily inside her chest. Had she just imagined all of that?
##Bend me,
Break me,
Breaking down is easy,
All I want is you##
Raven looked around her; with a slightly trembling hand she brushed her dark purple hair behind her ear. The car drew level with the bike as they both turned to enter the car park outside the cinema. They both screeched to a halt about an inch or so away from the back wall.
The people all waiting in the queue turned as one to stare at them, their gazes were condescending and some shook their heads. But they were normal, at least as normal as humans could be when they were glaring.
Raven shifted, even though she knew that they were glaring at the team as a whole, she was sure that most of their anger was centred on her. She hated it. She wanted to sink into the ground.
##Steal me,
Deal me,
Any way you heal me##
Cyborg clicked the car into park and took the keys out. He kicked open the door and ignored the stares that he received from the people waiting to go in. Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad got out next.
Raven stared at the door, handle. She was sure it was evil. But before she could debate it further her door was opened for her and a hand was held down. She looked at it. It seemed safe. She reached up and took it; it pulled her out of the car. The door shut. She looked up at Aqualad and smiled slightly.
"Thank you." She murmured, releasing his hand eventually.
He smiled down at her, "No problem."
##Maim me,
Tame me,
You can never change me##
"I can't believe your bike nearly beat my baby!" Cyborg was saying shaking his head.
Starfire was grinning her head off and Robin was smirking, "Don't underestimate the bike then." He said shaking his finger mockingly.
Starfire smiled at Terra who had linked arms with Beast Boy, "It was thrilling! I recommend it to anyone!"
Raven rolled her eyes.
##Love me like me,
Go ahead and fight me,
Please me tease me,
Go ahead and leave me##
Raven narrowed her eyes as her gaze dropped to where Starfire's hands were curled around Robin's arm lovingly, and by the smile on his face, it really looked as if he liked her touching him. She had always suspected that those two would get together.
She just didn't realise that it would hurt her so.
And she didn't know why it did either.
##Bend me and break me,
Any way you need me,
As long as I want you it's alright##
She knew that there was never much chance of experiencing love for herself. But now seeing everyone so happy around her, it just made that fact become clearer and clearer.
"You ready then?" asked Aqualad, as the other began to walk towards the back of the shrinking queue to get in.
Raven nodded and followed him and others. They stood outside behind some people that they didn't know. Raven's thoughts were as confused as she was.
##Bend me,
Break me,
Any way you need me,
As long as I want you it's alright##
Raven looked up at Aqualad and noticed for the first time, how nice he actually was. She looked around at her friends as they laughed and joked and held hands. It was a conspiracy against her. No wonder her happiness had faded away. Self pity rose in her but she quelled the feeling.
##I think I'm paranoid,
I think I'm paranoid##
Hand in Hand
Chapter Fourteen: I Think I'm Paranoid
Raven stared out of the window of the T-car as all the others cars became blurs and all the building seemed to be connected in one long never- ending grey line. All the people the car passed seemed to have no faces, just empty circles where their eyes should be, no distinguishing features, they all looked the same, their brightly coloured clothes running into each other and turning into a muddy pond of browns and reds.
She now hated the fact that she had decided to wear normal clothes today, true Starfire, Terra and Robin were all wearing their own clothes, but she felt, naked without her cloak. She felt unsafe as if anything could just reach out and grab her. She shivered and rubbed her arms as if she was cold. But how could that be, the heater was on in the T-car and the fan was swirling the warm air around the vehicle slowly so that it was nice and toasty.
##You can look,
But you can't touch,
I don't think I like you much,
Heaven knows what a girl can do,
Heaven knows what you've got to prove##
Raven let her hands fall to her lap. Her fingers twitched slightly. She frowned as she passed the world by, it seemed very different to view it all from the inside of the car rather than from out there with the people.
The people on the street were all human, completely human and somehow that knowledge made her think that they all knew and despised the fact that she was a half demon.
The car drew to a sharp stop as the light changed to red. Raven continued to look out the window as she tried to ignore the conversation that Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad were having in the back.
A car pulled up next to the T-car in the next lane. All the people in the car, with holes for eyes and no real faces turned to stare at Raven long and hard. Raven unnerved stared back.
Their horrible faces somehow formed gaping black mouths that suddenly opened in grotesque leers. Raven's breath caught in her throat as they laughed at her. She blinked.
The old man was staring straight ahead, his normal eyes watching the lights, his mouth curling into a smile as his wife said something to the two little children in the back. Raven frowned.
##I think I'm paranoid,
And complicated,
I think I'm paranoid,
And manipulated##
As the lights changed and the T-car started forward Raven turned away from the window and instead fixed her gaze on the radio. It was playing a pop song by a group she had never even heard of. But the words were hard to make out. Her frown deepened.
Her fingers twitched again and she wriggled his fingers slightly, the sensation subsided after a moment and she rested her hands once again.
##Bend me and break me,
Anyway you need me,
Because all I want is you##
She scratched idly at her wrist with her good hand. She was sure the song on the radio was going on about mince pies, but she couldn't be too sure. After all she never listened to pop music, for all she knew mince pies might be in fashion.
She looked up into the rear-view mirror and watched Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad laughing, she wondered if they'd ever talk to her like that. She didn't think so. Terra seemed to fit in so much more than she did, Terra seemed to laugh at everything and flirt with everyone, two things which Raven never did herself. Aqualad caught her eye in the mirror and smiled. Raven smiled back, as well as she could, given the present condition of her mind.
##Bend me and break me,
Breaking down is easy,
Because all I want is you##
Raven sighed quietly and dropped her gaze from the mirror. She turned her attention back to the radio. It seemed to her as if the song had moved on from mince pies and was now warbling away at the joys of the motorway...she scowled at it. Never in her life had she heard such ridiculous lyrics.
Her eyes widened slightly when the song started singing about killing ravens. She looked around at the others in the car but they seemed to not notice. She looked closely at Cyborg, he was mouthing along to the song, but the words he was mouthing were not the words she was hearing. The songs words were crude and vicious going on about catching a raven and putting it in a box to rot, because it was an evil and vile bird that did not deserve life.
Raven shook her head, and suddenly the real words to the song flooded her ears. She stared at the radio for a moment in confusion.
##I fall down just to give you a thrill,
Prop me up with another pill,
If I should fail,
If I should fold,
I nailed my faith to the sticking pole##
Raven knew that she was being silly, the world wasn't out to get her, and she knew that really she had nothing to be afraid of. But that couldn't ease the feeling of despair and fear that was building in her stomach.
Her hands and fingers were itching her tremendously. She scratched at them, but it didn't seem to ease the tickling. She looked down and jumped in her seat. A thousand or so red fire ants were crawling all over her, biting at her skin and drawing blood, their stick like legs were brushing against her fingers and against her clothes. She felt bile rise up in her throat and she tried to brush them all away.
##I think I'm paranoid,
Manipulated,
I think I'm paranoid,
Too complicated##
"Raven what are you doing?" asked Cyborg suddenly.
Raven looked up in surprise, she then looked back down to find her hands, clean and ant free, "There was a bug." She answered stiffly.
"Oh, okay." He replied and then turned his attention back to driving.
Suddenly Robin's bike roared past the T-car, Starfire let go of Robin's waist with one hand and waved as they overtook the other.
"What?! I ain't having no bike beat the T-car to the movies!" growled Cyborg in outrage and slammed his foot down on the acceleration.
Raven watched the bike as the car caught up, and her thoughts drifted to the driver of said bike. Robin. She bit her lip, he always seemed to understand her, but lately he was annoying her more than the others. She frowned. Her head was so messed up.
##Bend me and Break me,
Any way you need me,
Because all I want is you##
As the motorcycle began to pull away again, Raven could have sworn she saw Starfire laughing, which was impossible; the alien girl's face was hidden behind the helmet visor. But Raven had got the distinct impression...she shook her head...she really must be paranoid. But she couldn't dislodge the feeling that one of her best friends had been laughing...at her.
Raven quickly looked in the mirror, the three in the back of the car were still laughing together.
##Bend me and break me,
Breaking down is easy,
All I want is you##
She turned back and made herself be content to look out of the front window; she didn't want to look out of the side window ever again. The road was empty; it was as if all the other cars had vanished. The only two vehicles on the road were the T-car and Robin's bike.
Her eyelids drooped, but she wasn't tired.
The road seemed to heave as they sped across it, she watched as it rose up and down in hills as if it was alive, but she couldn't feel anything as the car sped on.
##I think I'm paranoid,
I think I'm paranoid##
Suddenly in the middle of the road, to Raven's eyes only, yawned a great black hole. It covered the road, and it was evil and menacing as if it threatened to swallow them all. She tried to warn the others but it was as if her lips had been glued together. Robin's bike reached it first and disappeared down into the depths. The others in the car screamed suddenly and slammed on the brakes, but it was too late the T-car also teetered over the edge of the hole and then tumbled into darkness. Cyborg, Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad all turned to her.
"It's all your fault, it's all your fault." They chanted in hushed voices, "It's all your fault, we hate you."
Raven closed her eyes.
##Bend me,
Break me,
Any way you need me,
All I want is you##
She opened her eyes again and stared dumbfounded out of the window. Robin's bike was still ahead and still going, the road was flat, the others in the back were still joking and laughing and Cyborg was hunched over the steering wheel muttering as he tried to get the car to catch up with the bike.
Raven's heart thudded heavily inside her chest. Had she just imagined all of that?
##Bend me,
Break me,
Breaking down is easy,
All I want is you##
Raven looked around her; with a slightly trembling hand she brushed her dark purple hair behind her ear. The car drew level with the bike as they both turned to enter the car park outside the cinema. They both screeched to a halt about an inch or so away from the back wall.
The people all waiting in the queue turned as one to stare at them, their gazes were condescending and some shook their heads. But they were normal, at least as normal as humans could be when they were glaring.
Raven shifted, even though she knew that they were glaring at the team as a whole, she was sure that most of their anger was centred on her. She hated it. She wanted to sink into the ground.
##Steal me,
Deal me,
Any way you heal me##
Cyborg clicked the car into park and took the keys out. He kicked open the door and ignored the stares that he received from the people waiting to go in. Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad got out next.
Raven stared at the door, handle. She was sure it was evil. But before she could debate it further her door was opened for her and a hand was held down. She looked at it. It seemed safe. She reached up and took it; it pulled her out of the car. The door shut. She looked up at Aqualad and smiled slightly.
"Thank you." She murmured, releasing his hand eventually.
He smiled down at her, "No problem."
##Maim me,
Tame me,
You can never change me##
"I can't believe your bike nearly beat my baby!" Cyborg was saying shaking his head.
Starfire was grinning her head off and Robin was smirking, "Don't underestimate the bike then." He said shaking his finger mockingly.
Starfire smiled at Terra who had linked arms with Beast Boy, "It was thrilling! I recommend it to anyone!"
Raven rolled her eyes.
##Love me like me,
Go ahead and fight me,
Please me tease me,
Go ahead and leave me##
Raven narrowed her eyes as her gaze dropped to where Starfire's hands were curled around Robin's arm lovingly, and by the smile on his face, it really looked as if he liked her touching him. She had always suspected that those two would get together.
She just didn't realise that it would hurt her so.
And she didn't know why it did either.
##Bend me and break me,
Any way you need me,
As long as I want you it's alright##
She knew that there was never much chance of experiencing love for herself. But now seeing everyone so happy around her, it just made that fact become clearer and clearer.
"You ready then?" asked Aqualad, as the other began to walk towards the back of the shrinking queue to get in.
Raven nodded and followed him and others. They stood outside behind some people that they didn't know. Raven's thoughts were as confused as she was.
##Bend me,
Break me,
Any way you need me,
As long as I want you it's alright##
Raven looked up at Aqualad and noticed for the first time, how nice he actually was. She looked around at her friends as they laughed and joked and held hands. It was a conspiracy against her. No wonder her happiness had faded away. Self pity rose in her but she quelled the feeling.
##I think I'm paranoid,
I think I'm paranoid##