Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans or the words to the song Last
Resort by Papa Roach and I must warn you that even though there will be a
lot of Aqualad/Raven in the following chapters there will be a lot of
Robin/Raven later and yes there will be comfort scenes. But now oh great
and wonderful readers and reviewers...now is your chance to help me with this
fic...I need songs...happy songs...not love songs...happy songs maybe about
friendship, I need a few about shopping or having fun or searching and I
need all the Christmas songs you can find! Just put the name and singer in
the review box and I'll go and check it out. If I like it, it shall go into
the fic! Please and thank you!
Hand in Hand
Chapter Seventeen: Last Resort
Raven locked her door behind her, the click of the lock seemed awfully loud to her ears but she tried to ignore it. Stepping forward into the dim room she walked straight over to her cabinet and picked up her mirror. She knew that by waiting she'd probably made the state of nevermore worse...but she couldn't help that now. She brought the black mirror up to her face and stared into its depths. A pair of dark red eyes flashed at her from the silvery glass and in a second...she was gone and the mirror fell to the ground almost silently to rest where it lay hidden in shadow.
##Cut my life into pieces,
This is my last resort,
Suffocation no breathing,
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding##
She dropped to the ground heavily, which in itself was unusual, straightened and looked around. She recognised where she was almost immediately. She was in the maze that her timidity roamed. She frowned; she hadn't meant to go to a particular place...
She looked up at the huge and foreboding grey walls that towered around her. She knew she had to go through the maze to reach the other side where her bravery lived. She growled to herself and walked forward, she knew the way so it was doing was wasting her time.
The chill caught around her knees and she looked down, her legs were bare. She looked at herself and was surprised to find herself back in her uniform. She scowled; obviously clothes didn't change at all in nevermore.
She looked up and started walking again, it was useless to levitate it would just waste energy. She turned a corner and froze. She heard something; it was the barest of sounds. She strained her ears and tilted her head.
The sound came again, a soft almost mewing sound. Her brow furrowed, obviously mind was playing tricks on her, she didn't keep cats in her mind. The sound increased and she realised that what she was hearing wasn't a cat. It was someone, probably her timidity, crying. She began to wander towards the sound and realised how pitiful it really was, it was like long continuous note, on and on it went, never ending and never relenting.
##Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might,
Mutilation out of sight,
And I'm contemplating suicide##
She turned another corner, certain that where she was going was not the way out, if anything she seemed to be going deeper and deeper into the heart of the maze.
The sound was getting louder; she knew she must be nearing her timidity if that really was who was crying. She stilled suddenly, what if it wasn't her timidity? What if it was something else? What if it was something much worse? Suddenly she didn't know if she wanted to find out anymore. She looked around her, the walls seemed to be closing in on her, shrinking and tightening as if they were going to crush her.
She let out a frightened gasp and whirled around. A mist had rose up and blocked her view, it was thick and impenetrable, she tried to see through it but if anything it just thickened.
The mist seemed more foreboding to her than the walls.
"Argh!" she cried out involuntarily as the sound that she could hear was magnified by an infinite number and echoed continuously through nevermore, it echoed back to her sounding as if thousands of people were all crying together, all mourning, she covered her ears with her hands and ran around the next corner. She dropped to her knees and closed her eyes.
She didn't understand, this was her mind, she was supposed to have control; she was supposed to know everything about it. But she had no idea; she didn't know what was happening. And it wounded her to realise that she wasn't the one controlling her mind.
She eased her hands away from her ears, the noise had stopped. She bent over and put her palms flat on the grey floor. She took several deep breaths. She would not let this get the better of her. She would not let her subconscious play games with her.
##Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell be I'm fine,
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine##
She opened her eyes as she felt something warm and wet run over her hands and past her knees. She jumped up in terror and backed away until her back hit the opposite wall. She looked at her hands in horror as she felt the liquid drip through her fingers and slide down her legs.
It was blood.
Her mouth parted slightly and her breath starting coming in quick rapid breaths, the blood was hot against her skin, unbelievably hot it almost burned her. She shook her trembling fingers but it did nothing to rid her of the blood on her hand. She looked to the ground; huge torrents of the crimson sin washed past her ankles in a river and vanished around the corner. She watched as it rippled and splashed, she felt it seep through the buckles and fabric of her boots.
Her eyes widened. What was happening?
She looked wildly to her left to see the source of the blood and her eyes, if possible widened further.
##I never realised I was spread to thin,
Till it was too late and I was empty within,
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin,
Downward spirals, where do I begin? ##
Her timidity was sitting in a puddle of her own blood, or rather in a puddle of Raven's blood. Her arms and hands were slashed and cut beyond recognition. Blood both black and red poured from the wounds in what seemed like inextinguishable torrents. The grey cloak that her timidity wore was soaked red at the bottom.
Raven took several steps forward but every step she took, her timidity seemed to be further away.
Raven looked around her in anguish. As she watched another wound opened before her very eyes, it just appeared on her timidity's skin. It started as a small indentation, the skin then split and slowly a cut formed millimetre by millimetre as if a knife were being dragged along her skin.
Raven choked on her own bile, was that really what she looked like when she hurt herself? The image was not pleasant at all.
##It all started when I lost my mother,
No love for myself and no love for another,
Searching to find love upon a higher level,
Finding nothing but questions and devils##
Suddenly as if sensing her presence Timidity looked up and Raven struggled not to scream.
The eyes of her emotion...were just like the eyes of the people she had passed in the T-Car. They were black and empty.
Only this time they were filled with an unbelievable pain.
##Because I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine,
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine,
I'm running and I'm crying##
"Why do you do this Raven?" asked Timidity in a hollow voice lifting her hands, "Why do you hurt us so?"
Raven stumbled backwards, but the wall was at her back wherever she went, "I...I..." she tried to speak but the words stuck in her throat like shards of glass.
Timidity suddenly convulsed suddenly as if in agony. She reached out a hand towards Raven, the arm was shaking and blood dripped from her sleeve and down her arms, she opened her mouth but no sound came out and slowly Raven's emotion began to fade to shadow.
##I can't go on living this way##
"Wait!" cried Raven, "Where are you going?" she too reached forward and it was as if the distance between the two of them had suddenly dispersed. Raven's fingers reached out to her emotion's... but instead of grasping the bleeding hand, Raven's trembling appendage met cold air and passed straight through.
She jumped back in surprise.
##Cut my life into pieces,
I've reached my last resort,
Suffocation no breathing,
I don't care if I cut my arm bleeding,
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might,
Mutilation out of sight,
And I'm contemplating suicide##
"What's wrong with you?" she whispered feebly in a shaking voice.
Timidity just leered at her as the mass of shadow grew and threatened to consume the bleeding emotion. The image began to fade.
"NO!" Raven yelled lunging forward...
##Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
I wish somebody would tell be I'm fine##
Raven hissed in pain as she crashed into her bedroom wall. She slid down to the floor and glared at the mirror that had expelled her from her own mind.
"I can't do this anymore." She murmured, "I need help."
##Nothing's alright,
Nothing is fine##
Her first thought was of Robin, her fearless leader; he'd be able to help her. He said that he cared. She knew that she desperately needed help and thought that if she tried to take her mind off her thought and tried to join in with the others then maybe her head would revert back to its original state. It was a long shot but it was all she had. By accident she brushed the edge of Robin's thoughts.
'I like Starfire, not Raven'
She withdrew from his mind hastily; his thought had stung her internally, although she had no idea why.
She thought about Beast Boy but neither he nor Cyborg had the capacity to understand her troubles let alone know what to do with them. Without thinking she reached for her T-Communicator. She pressed the button and listened to the crackle that followed.
"Hello?" she said hesitantly.
"Aqualad here...What's up?"
##I'm running and I'm crying##
Hand in Hand
Chapter Seventeen: Last Resort
Raven locked her door behind her, the click of the lock seemed awfully loud to her ears but she tried to ignore it. Stepping forward into the dim room she walked straight over to her cabinet and picked up her mirror. She knew that by waiting she'd probably made the state of nevermore worse...but she couldn't help that now. She brought the black mirror up to her face and stared into its depths. A pair of dark red eyes flashed at her from the silvery glass and in a second...she was gone and the mirror fell to the ground almost silently to rest where it lay hidden in shadow.
##Cut my life into pieces,
This is my last resort,
Suffocation no breathing,
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding##
She dropped to the ground heavily, which in itself was unusual, straightened and looked around. She recognised where she was almost immediately. She was in the maze that her timidity roamed. She frowned; she hadn't meant to go to a particular place...
She looked up at the huge and foreboding grey walls that towered around her. She knew she had to go through the maze to reach the other side where her bravery lived. She growled to herself and walked forward, she knew the way so it was doing was wasting her time.
The chill caught around her knees and she looked down, her legs were bare. She looked at herself and was surprised to find herself back in her uniform. She scowled; obviously clothes didn't change at all in nevermore.
She looked up and started walking again, it was useless to levitate it would just waste energy. She turned a corner and froze. She heard something; it was the barest of sounds. She strained her ears and tilted her head.
The sound came again, a soft almost mewing sound. Her brow furrowed, obviously mind was playing tricks on her, she didn't keep cats in her mind. The sound increased and she realised that what she was hearing wasn't a cat. It was someone, probably her timidity, crying. She began to wander towards the sound and realised how pitiful it really was, it was like long continuous note, on and on it went, never ending and never relenting.
##Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might,
Mutilation out of sight,
And I'm contemplating suicide##
She turned another corner, certain that where she was going was not the way out, if anything she seemed to be going deeper and deeper into the heart of the maze.
The sound was getting louder; she knew she must be nearing her timidity if that really was who was crying. She stilled suddenly, what if it wasn't her timidity? What if it was something else? What if it was something much worse? Suddenly she didn't know if she wanted to find out anymore. She looked around her, the walls seemed to be closing in on her, shrinking and tightening as if they were going to crush her.
She let out a frightened gasp and whirled around. A mist had rose up and blocked her view, it was thick and impenetrable, she tried to see through it but if anything it just thickened.
The mist seemed more foreboding to her than the walls.
"Argh!" she cried out involuntarily as the sound that she could hear was magnified by an infinite number and echoed continuously through nevermore, it echoed back to her sounding as if thousands of people were all crying together, all mourning, she covered her ears with her hands and ran around the next corner. She dropped to her knees and closed her eyes.
She didn't understand, this was her mind, she was supposed to have control; she was supposed to know everything about it. But she had no idea; she didn't know what was happening. And it wounded her to realise that she wasn't the one controlling her mind.
She eased her hands away from her ears, the noise had stopped. She bent over and put her palms flat on the grey floor. She took several deep breaths. She would not let this get the better of her. She would not let her subconscious play games with her.
##Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell be I'm fine,
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine##
She opened her eyes as she felt something warm and wet run over her hands and past her knees. She jumped up in terror and backed away until her back hit the opposite wall. She looked at her hands in horror as she felt the liquid drip through her fingers and slide down her legs.
It was blood.
Her mouth parted slightly and her breath starting coming in quick rapid breaths, the blood was hot against her skin, unbelievably hot it almost burned her. She shook her trembling fingers but it did nothing to rid her of the blood on her hand. She looked to the ground; huge torrents of the crimson sin washed past her ankles in a river and vanished around the corner. She watched as it rippled and splashed, she felt it seep through the buckles and fabric of her boots.
Her eyes widened. What was happening?
She looked wildly to her left to see the source of the blood and her eyes, if possible widened further.
##I never realised I was spread to thin,
Till it was too late and I was empty within,
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin,
Downward spirals, where do I begin? ##
Her timidity was sitting in a puddle of her own blood, or rather in a puddle of Raven's blood. Her arms and hands were slashed and cut beyond recognition. Blood both black and red poured from the wounds in what seemed like inextinguishable torrents. The grey cloak that her timidity wore was soaked red at the bottom.
Raven took several steps forward but every step she took, her timidity seemed to be further away.
Raven looked around her in anguish. As she watched another wound opened before her very eyes, it just appeared on her timidity's skin. It started as a small indentation, the skin then split and slowly a cut formed millimetre by millimetre as if a knife were being dragged along her skin.
Raven choked on her own bile, was that really what she looked like when she hurt herself? The image was not pleasant at all.
##It all started when I lost my mother,
No love for myself and no love for another,
Searching to find love upon a higher level,
Finding nothing but questions and devils##
Suddenly as if sensing her presence Timidity looked up and Raven struggled not to scream.
The eyes of her emotion...were just like the eyes of the people she had passed in the T-Car. They were black and empty.
Only this time they were filled with an unbelievable pain.
##Because I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine,
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine,
I'm running and I'm crying##
"Why do you do this Raven?" asked Timidity in a hollow voice lifting her hands, "Why do you hurt us so?"
Raven stumbled backwards, but the wall was at her back wherever she went, "I...I..." she tried to speak but the words stuck in her throat like shards of glass.
Timidity suddenly convulsed suddenly as if in agony. She reached out a hand towards Raven, the arm was shaking and blood dripped from her sleeve and down her arms, she opened her mouth but no sound came out and slowly Raven's emotion began to fade to shadow.
##I can't go on living this way##
"Wait!" cried Raven, "Where are you going?" she too reached forward and it was as if the distance between the two of them had suddenly dispersed. Raven's fingers reached out to her emotion's... but instead of grasping the bleeding hand, Raven's trembling appendage met cold air and passed straight through.
She jumped back in surprise.
##Cut my life into pieces,
I've reached my last resort,
Suffocation no breathing,
I don't care if I cut my arm bleeding,
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might,
Mutilation out of sight,
And I'm contemplating suicide##
"What's wrong with you?" she whispered feebly in a shaking voice.
Timidity just leered at her as the mass of shadow grew and threatened to consume the bleeding emotion. The image began to fade.
"NO!" Raven yelled lunging forward...
##Cause I'm losing my sight,
Losing my mind,
I wish somebody would tell be I'm fine##
Raven hissed in pain as she crashed into her bedroom wall. She slid down to the floor and glared at the mirror that had expelled her from her own mind.
"I can't do this anymore." She murmured, "I need help."
##Nothing's alright,
Nothing is fine##
Her first thought was of Robin, her fearless leader; he'd be able to help her. He said that he cared. She knew that she desperately needed help and thought that if she tried to take her mind off her thought and tried to join in with the others then maybe her head would revert back to its original state. It was a long shot but it was all she had. By accident she brushed the edge of Robin's thoughts.
'I like Starfire, not Raven'
She withdrew from his mind hastily; his thought had stung her internally, although she had no idea why.
She thought about Beast Boy but neither he nor Cyborg had the capacity to understand her troubles let alone know what to do with them. Without thinking she reached for her T-Communicator. She pressed the button and listened to the crackle that followed.
"Hello?" she said hesitantly.
"Aqualad here...What's up?"
##I'm running and I'm crying##