-1Chapter One: Prison Break
Life was tough during the Black Mesa Incident. Being the only Bad Guy with a name, Adrian Sheppard soon realised that the scientists he was shooting weren't actually a threat to him. That didn't really stop him that much, but still, the whole defenceless look on the three scientists and their numerous clones was kind of nagging at him. Eventually, after they friggin' save his life, Adrian decideds to refrain from the whole murder thang and focus on the god damn headcrabs gnawing at his shoe. After all the work he does though, he still gets stiffed by the G-Man. Somehow, whether by mistake or wormhole, the crazy ass marine from the Osprey has found himself locked in a crappy prison and forced to subsist off of a mushy stew containing old boot and barnacle bits. This, however, is a Red E-Mail Day, and Adrian is on the move.
"Wants some more mystery meat?" Adrian's cellmate, an old kung-fu master asked him. You see, this prison was designed specifically to hold badasses. After the Xeno Incident, the Combine opened up a series of rifts in space-time and sucked all of Earth's badasses into New Nova Prospekt. Not that a prison could hold badasses, but through the confusing logic of 5th dimensional physics, the Combine keep building prisons around the last one, creating an unending wall of prisons that surround the actual prison that can be broken out of. That way, if a badass, say Indiana Jones, was to break out, he would exit the prison into his old cell of a different prison. Exciting, nyet?
Adrian waved the meat off and began fiddling with the walls again. No prison, no matter how confusing, could keep them for long. Who would know about this fifth dimensional crap...Dr. Who! Of course! Adrian went over to the opposite wall and knocked on it.
"Yo, doc! You there?" He inquired. He was answered by a strange cranking sound, followed by a rather large blue Police Box appearing in the middle of the cell. And, of course, out stepped the crazy haired, red scarfed wonder.
"What did you call me for then? I'm a Time Lord, not a butler." He said swiftly as he started performing some bizarre experiment with the bars.
"Do you think you can end this prison cycle and get us out?" Adrian asked while pondering why the Doctor had stayed around as long as he had, especially since he had his TARDIS, the magic flying box that can cross time and space. The answer being simple, his vehicle didn't have enough power to transcend this infinity of prisons. He needed a jolt, a super, nay...UberJolt of power.
For this next part, you must understand Heisenburg's Uncertainty Principle. No, not that one. The other one. Yes, that one. Because Heisenburg was never really the creative sort, he named two principles the same name, but they are completly different. First off, the principle I am writing about involves the fact that anything can be proven with a lot of really big words and talking really fast, no matter how uncertain the audience is of the "fact" itself. Let's use the example of the dinosaurs for instance because I like dinosaurs. What? They look cool, or did, whatever. Anyways, I will now prove that the dinosaurs died out due to a lack of Axis and Allies. Watch closely.
"The fact of the dinosaurs becoming extinct due to the lack of a turn based strategic environment is well founded under scientific principle. The loss of this bonafide asset to the cerebral growth of the ancient beasts profoundly hindered the connotation that the Ostrolopicathus was indeed a mindless invertebrate and not, as many wayward cryptozoologysts might infer, a flying concubine."
As you can see, this sentence I just wrote makes absolutely no sense, but said fast enough and ready properly, 3/4ths of Earth population actually believes it. You see what I did there? I am clever aren't I?
Now came the question, who could give them such a jolt? Nikola Tesla! But he'd need a device to actually get the jolt going…MacGyver, he could do it! Using the TARDIS, they leapt around cells and got the required personal. Soon, their party consisted of Tesla, famed inventor of everything, MacGyver, master craftsman, Dr. Who, inter-temporal extraordinaire, and good ol' Adrian Sheppard.
The contraption was a large windmill-like device made out of a slice of bread, several shoelaces, a piece of boat, and a windmill. Sparks were constantly flying off it as it started up. "Now," Tesla began "I vill cause the device Mr. Gyver here constructed to speed past the speed of time, causing a resonance cascade-" He was cut off by Adrian "Hey wait, that sounds familiar…Oh god, don't do it!" Too late. The device started spinning faster and faster, and eventually the middle exploded in a yellow beam that hit the TARDIS hard.
"C'mon you tools, you wanna die together?" Adrian yelled over the beam that was so bright they could hear it. The crew of four, plus the old Kung-Fu master, who will now be named Kojima the Mighty for the sake of that name sounds cool, leapt aboard the TARDIS and began it's journey out of New Nova Prospekt.
Stay Tuned for (Hopefully) Regular Updates!
I wanted to do a second one because I loved the first one but felt that the ending sucked and I let the badassery get outta hand. This time I promise I'll keep it under control, yet awesome at the same time. Reviews and Comments are appreciated, because I know I can't write, but no one's told me it yet.