Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song Cry
In The Dark by Juliana Hatfield (and yes Dark Weezing there will be other
J. Hatfield songs in this fic.) SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I'VE BEEN AWAY FOR THE
PAST FEW DAYS!
Hand in Hand
Chapter Twenty-Five: Cry In The Dark
Still 28th November
Raven was sat on the sofa, her pale fingers clutching the poetry book she was reading tightly trying to will her hands to stop shaking. They had been doing so, despite her annoyance, since her chat with Robin this morning and after she had heard that Aqualad would not be spending the day with her. She suspected that it was supposed to hurt when someone cancels like that. But she didn't hurt; nothing even resembling hurt had stirred within her. Fear had though, without someone who partially understood around, what was she to do that would distract her? The boys were playing on that infernal contraption known as a game cube again and she didn't wish to join in with that. Everyone else was still at the mall. She suspected that it was evening now.
Time had passed her by like smoke through a fan, she knew it was passing but she hadn't paid attention. She had attempted to drown her sorrows in selected works of William Blake. True Edgar Allen Poe was her most favoured poet but lately the slightly gothic prose of Blake had become more appealing to her. Which was why she had wanted to purchase that book from the mall, she had wanted all of Blake's work instead of having only a few selected poems. She could only vaguely remember that she had put it back on the shelf. She frowned down at the words she was looking at, at the black letters on white paper.
"Cruelty has a human heart, and jealousy a human face, terror, the human form divine, and secrecy the human dress.." she whispered the words quietly to herself letting the language sink into her subconscious. She rested her book on her knee and stared down at the words willing them to offer her comfort that she could never seem to find, "The human dress is forged iron, the human form a fiery forge, the human face a furnace sealed, the human heart its hungry gorge..." she trailed off and her voice petered away into the silence. She blinked a few times wondering why her eyes were suddenly moist.
##Do you cry in the dark because it's easier,
To be alone than talk?
When the words are not working,
And you don't know how to explain these thoughts##
Raven shivered slightly and quickly rubbed her arms in an attempt to get warm. Her fingers dragged over the hidden scars she bore and she winced. There was no way she could ever hope to forget the things that she wanted to. Things just seemed to remind her. She shook her head slightly.
A noise made her look up. Suffice it to say her mood immediately soured when the rest of titans piled into the room. Beast Boy came first his arms laden with bags full of Chinese takeaway, Raven could smell the spices and herbs from where she sat. Starfire and Terra came in next with boxes full of pizza and other Chinese. Raven would have thought this was too much food for just six people to eat, but Beast Boy was here after all.
To her annoyance instead of moving over to the kitchen they dumped all the food in the centre of the floor about two metres in front of her. Raven scowled. Robin and Cyborg came in through the other door and moved over to help the others unpack the food.
Raven watched the food come out of their containers and be put on random plates and it bowls, or in some cases just left in the boxes they came in. She could plainly see the large plain cheese pizza, and the excessive amounts of noodles, there were prawn crackers everywhere and she was pretty sure she could smell chow-mien and chop-suei. There were cartons of rice as well and things Raven had never even seen before.
Beast Boy sat down on the carpet just off to Raven's side and grabbed a portion of the food. Terra followed suit and sat on the carpet next to him. Cyborg sat next to Terra, Starfire sat by Cyborg and Robin sat next to Starfire, his back resting against the couch only a few inches from Raven.
Raven's hands began to tremble again.
"Dude, this is the best takeaway feast ever!" declared Beast Boy shoving forkfuls of rice into his open mouth and chewing quickly.
Starfire giggled and nodded.
Robin turned his head slightly to look at Raven, "What would you like to eat Raven?" he smiled nicely at her and then gestured to the food upon the floor.
Raven felt sick to her stomach, "I...I'm not hungry." She muttered looking back down at her book, she had lied and she knew it. But something inside her was making it impossible for her even to think about eating, she felt as if she'd throw it all back up later if anything passed through her lips.
Robin frowned and was about to say something else when Starfire tried to offer him what she was having. A look of consternation passed across his face and he turned back to the redhead he was dating.
Raven sighed internally and reread the same line about six times without realising it.
##Every look and every emotion,
Has a deeper meaning,
Everybody hurts nobody,
Only when they're dreaming##
"Raven are you gonna play?"
The request brought Raven back out of her thoughts and she looked up derisively. Beast Boy was staring at her in anticipation as if thinking that she might actually say yes for once and agree.
Unfortunately Raven had other ideas, she remembered, well it was more like a shadow of a memory that Robin had said something about playing truth or dare. She was not about to play a game that would cause embarrassing situations and make people do things that would normally never even cross her minds. "No."
Beast Boy looked hurt and for a moment it looked as if he was about to protest. Raven watched him out of the corner of her eye; if he did try and persuade her to play it would undoubtedly be so he could ask her something embarrassing or do something morally degrading. Raven came to this conclusion without the help of her paranoia after all wasn't that what the game was designed to do? But in the end Beast Boy closed his mouth a just shrugged.
"Alright then..." he began he was about to suggest that he go first because he had a wicked dare that he wanted to pull on Robin, he realised at the last minute though that a dare could be refused, his grin widened, "This game of truth or dare is sacred and therefore no dares or truths can be refused. To do so would bring the forfeit into play. And the forfeit is whoever fails their dare or refuses has to go on our next crime fighting mission dressed in a big pink dress," his eyes glittered, "Regardless of gender."
Four pairs of eyes looked at him as if he was insane.
"I'm going first then! And I pick the rule that you can't dare the person that just dared you! Got that?" everyone nodded. Terra turned to Beast Boy, "Truth or Dare BB?"
Beast Boy swallowed the noodles he had been eating and hastily put down his food, "Truth."
Raven tuned everything out from that point on.
##Do you cry in the dark?
The light hurts when it hits your face,
You don't want anyone to see you this way,
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,
So you cry in the dark##
Terra grinned, "No lying now Beast Boy. Who was your first kiss with?"
Beast Boy balked and then shifted slightly, he put his head down and bit a prawn cracker, he muttered something but no one could hear what he said.
"Care to repeat that?" asked Terra smiling evilly.
"You." Muttered Beast Boy louder.
Cyborg snickered behind his hand and Robin looked at the carpet trying to spare his friend the embarrassment, Starfire didn't understand the importance of this answer and merely grinned. Raven didn't look up.
Terra made a small crooning noise in the back of her throat and kissed Beast Boy, who was blushing all shades of red. "You're turn." She whispered, "Make it good."
Beast Boy shoved his mouth full of food and chewed on it till he felt the warmth leave his face. He looked up at Robin, and the boy wonder seemed to feel the gaze. Beast Boy tapped his fingers together and smiled mischievously.
"I don't trust that look." Stated Robin as Beast Boy turned to him.
"Truth or Dare Robin?" Beast Boy said around mouthfuls of pasta.
Robin didn't want to pick truth, he dreaded the question Beast Boy might ask him, if it was anything like the question Terra had given he would be in serious trouble. He cleared his throat, "Dare."
Beast Boy's face turned smug, "I dare you Robin to French kiss the girl nearest to you."
Robin felt relieved okay that wasn't that bad, he turned to face Starfire who was a few inches away from him, and he opened his mouth to get the redhead's attention when something that Beast Boy said made him freeze and his blood ran cold.
"Ah, ah, ah." The green elf taunted shaking a finger, "Star's not the closest girl to you."
All the colour drained from his face and he tilted his head back slightly to look at Raven who looked oblivious to everything going on around her, "Ra...raven?" he squeaked hating the way his voice sounded, "You want me to..." he trailed off aware that Beast Boy was grinning like it was already Christmas.
##And the picture of you holding hands,
By the fire is fading fast,
And your heart is closing,
And you don't know how to get off this track##
"Yep. And remember if you refuse you have to wear the dress." The changeling cackled.
Robin went even whiter, if that was humanly possible. "But Raven's not playing so you can't say that!" his voice was desperate. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he didn't want to in front of everyone else, and he had no idea about Raven's reaction because she seemed unaware of everything that was going on.
"You're right. Raven's not playing. But it's not her dare anyway." Beast Boy crossed his arms, "So kiss her already. And don't even think of moving nearer to Starfire, Raven is the closest to you."
##Every day you mime a prayer,
Even though your faith is shaken,
Your godmother has nobody,
Because everyone is taken##
Unbeknownst to the others Raven's attention had fixed on the conversations happening around her as soon as she had heard her name. It had taken all of her willpower to stop herself from murdering Beast Boy on the spot where he sat. She wasn't the least bit surprised to find Robin trying to worm his way out of it.
After all, she reflected, he never really wanted her that anyway it was just a silly mistake fuelled by the adrenaline as a result of burning breakfast. No one could ever want to kiss her. She doubted that Aqualad had, he'd never shown any interest in doing so; he'd never shown any interest in anything except showing her things and talking.
With Aqualad it was more of a friendship than an actual relationship. She didn't even know if she wanted a relationship. She cursed her emotions for getting her into this mess in the first place.
She kept her eyes focused on the page before her, willing the problem she now faced to go away. She could make it easier on herself and Robin, she knew that and was leaning towards that, but something in her mind was stopping her. She wanted to shake her head to clear her thoughts but in doing so she would attract the others' attention.
The pages of her book felt like ice under her fingertips and the sofa burning hot as if it was on fire. Her paranoia working overtime she finally snapped when Robin turned around to look at her.
She slammed the book closed with an audible bang and glared at Beast Boy, "Don't even bother." She hissed and teleported away to her room.
## Do you cry in the dark?
The light hurts when it hits your face,
You don't want anyone to see you this way,
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,
So you cry in the dark##
Raven reappeared on her dark bed and immediately folded her legs under her, inconsolable thoughts running rampant through her mind. She dropped the book with a soft thud on the floor beside her bed and then sighed dejectedly.
Things were getting out of hand. She was worried that she was so wrapped up in her own mental neuroses that she couldn't see the forest for the trees. Her train of thought no matter which direction she willed it to travel in always seemed to end up back, inexplicably, between Robin, Aqualad and the destruction of nevermore. She really had no idea what was happening, and even if she did she doubted that she would know what to do about it.
She made a frustrated sound and curled up on top of her black sheets. Her trembling fingers clutched at the material for dear life. She wasn't tired but her eyelids were fighting against the unknown to stay open. She didn't want to go to sleep; her dreams and nightmares frightened her. And most importantly with the thought of going to sleep came the terrifying thought of never waking up again.
Confused and disorientated she chanted the words of a favourite poem to herself, hoping beyond hope, that the familiar words would bring her comfort where no one else dared, "Deep in the darkness of the eternal night I live, There is no sleep for me here not even for a moment. I'm wrapped up in the gloom of the coming storm, Unable to move for lest I become unborn, The dust around my astral form is moving, But it does not grant me any peace or absolution, My thoughts are broken in my mind again, The shards of my memories cut me and cause me pain, My heart is splintering in the shadows, Everything that I have loved has faded away, Piles of smoking ash is all that is left of my soul, I have not the inclination now to try and make myself whole, Shuddering in the corner of my suicidal cage, I fear I have reached my final breaking point, Reality has been thrown into distortion, And I have torn down the sign that warns 'Caution' I have travelled along my long black road, And the air has turned to smoke around me, Still I keep on walking but I'm going nowhere, I'm going in circles in my own personal nightmare, My voice can no longer be heard by others, They have discarded me and moved on with their own lives, I'm pretending that I don't care but that's a lie, Caught between two evils fearing to live and fearing to die, The sun has melted down into acid beneath my feet, The stars have all fallen and have outweighed the moon, There is no light for me in this awful fantasy, All the greatness has been stripped away from my reality, Discerning lines have all blurred, And pastel colours have grown stark, I do not care for being pedantic, But still I am carried away on a wave of semantics, There is no peace in this meditative rage, Filled with passive and obvious resistance, I have forced myself to become emotionless, But perhaps that has made me senseless? Could this all be my own fault? Have I dug my own wet and muddy grave? I don't know what I am anymore, But for my disease...I know there is no cure." Her voice trailed off, the scenario in the poetry was her own, and it scared her. She had never known words that would so well express what she was feeling and now having found then it made her feel worthless.
If someone else was able to put down her own feelings in words, did that mean that what was happening to her had happened to someone else at some other time? Was nothing sacred just to her? Had others experienced what she had? Maybe she wasn't special after all, maybe she never was. Maybe she really was worthless, good for nothing, useless.
##This emotion is an ocean,
And the waves are getting high,
I'll find an island call it mine,
I'm swimming for my life##
Had everything she ever completed or compiled been in vain? Was there really no one who cared? Was she just living for the hell of it? No she realised in despair, what she was doing could not be classed as living. Didn't living life to the full require joy and happiness? Something that she obviously lacked.
No one ever cared, she decided, not really.
Raven was broken inside.
She clutched her black sheet closer to her chest and tried to cry. But the tears wouldn't come, so she settled on staring into nothingness, contemplating the person she had unwillingly become.
## Do you cry in the dark?
The light hurts when it hits your face,
You don't want anyone to see you this way,
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,
So you cry in the dark##
Hand in Hand
Chapter Twenty-Five: Cry In The Dark
Still 28th November
Raven was sat on the sofa, her pale fingers clutching the poetry book she was reading tightly trying to will her hands to stop shaking. They had been doing so, despite her annoyance, since her chat with Robin this morning and after she had heard that Aqualad would not be spending the day with her. She suspected that it was supposed to hurt when someone cancels like that. But she didn't hurt; nothing even resembling hurt had stirred within her. Fear had though, without someone who partially understood around, what was she to do that would distract her? The boys were playing on that infernal contraption known as a game cube again and she didn't wish to join in with that. Everyone else was still at the mall. She suspected that it was evening now.
Time had passed her by like smoke through a fan, she knew it was passing but she hadn't paid attention. She had attempted to drown her sorrows in selected works of William Blake. True Edgar Allen Poe was her most favoured poet but lately the slightly gothic prose of Blake had become more appealing to her. Which was why she had wanted to purchase that book from the mall, she had wanted all of Blake's work instead of having only a few selected poems. She could only vaguely remember that she had put it back on the shelf. She frowned down at the words she was looking at, at the black letters on white paper.
"Cruelty has a human heart, and jealousy a human face, terror, the human form divine, and secrecy the human dress.." she whispered the words quietly to herself letting the language sink into her subconscious. She rested her book on her knee and stared down at the words willing them to offer her comfort that she could never seem to find, "The human dress is forged iron, the human form a fiery forge, the human face a furnace sealed, the human heart its hungry gorge..." she trailed off and her voice petered away into the silence. She blinked a few times wondering why her eyes were suddenly moist.
##Do you cry in the dark because it's easier,
To be alone than talk?
When the words are not working,
And you don't know how to explain these thoughts##
Raven shivered slightly and quickly rubbed her arms in an attempt to get warm. Her fingers dragged over the hidden scars she bore and she winced. There was no way she could ever hope to forget the things that she wanted to. Things just seemed to remind her. She shook her head slightly.
A noise made her look up. Suffice it to say her mood immediately soured when the rest of titans piled into the room. Beast Boy came first his arms laden with bags full of Chinese takeaway, Raven could smell the spices and herbs from where she sat. Starfire and Terra came in next with boxes full of pizza and other Chinese. Raven would have thought this was too much food for just six people to eat, but Beast Boy was here after all.
To her annoyance instead of moving over to the kitchen they dumped all the food in the centre of the floor about two metres in front of her. Raven scowled. Robin and Cyborg came in through the other door and moved over to help the others unpack the food.
Raven watched the food come out of their containers and be put on random plates and it bowls, or in some cases just left in the boxes they came in. She could plainly see the large plain cheese pizza, and the excessive amounts of noodles, there were prawn crackers everywhere and she was pretty sure she could smell chow-mien and chop-suei. There were cartons of rice as well and things Raven had never even seen before.
Beast Boy sat down on the carpet just off to Raven's side and grabbed a portion of the food. Terra followed suit and sat on the carpet next to him. Cyborg sat next to Terra, Starfire sat by Cyborg and Robin sat next to Starfire, his back resting against the couch only a few inches from Raven.
Raven's hands began to tremble again.
"Dude, this is the best takeaway feast ever!" declared Beast Boy shoving forkfuls of rice into his open mouth and chewing quickly.
Starfire giggled and nodded.
Robin turned his head slightly to look at Raven, "What would you like to eat Raven?" he smiled nicely at her and then gestured to the food upon the floor.
Raven felt sick to her stomach, "I...I'm not hungry." She muttered looking back down at her book, she had lied and she knew it. But something inside her was making it impossible for her even to think about eating, she felt as if she'd throw it all back up later if anything passed through her lips.
Robin frowned and was about to say something else when Starfire tried to offer him what she was having. A look of consternation passed across his face and he turned back to the redhead he was dating.
Raven sighed internally and reread the same line about six times without realising it.
##Every look and every emotion,
Has a deeper meaning,
Everybody hurts nobody,
Only when they're dreaming##
"Raven are you gonna play?"
The request brought Raven back out of her thoughts and she looked up derisively. Beast Boy was staring at her in anticipation as if thinking that she might actually say yes for once and agree.
Unfortunately Raven had other ideas, she remembered, well it was more like a shadow of a memory that Robin had said something about playing truth or dare. She was not about to play a game that would cause embarrassing situations and make people do things that would normally never even cross her minds. "No."
Beast Boy looked hurt and for a moment it looked as if he was about to protest. Raven watched him out of the corner of her eye; if he did try and persuade her to play it would undoubtedly be so he could ask her something embarrassing or do something morally degrading. Raven came to this conclusion without the help of her paranoia after all wasn't that what the game was designed to do? But in the end Beast Boy closed his mouth a just shrugged.
"Alright then..." he began he was about to suggest that he go first because he had a wicked dare that he wanted to pull on Robin, he realised at the last minute though that a dare could be refused, his grin widened, "This game of truth or dare is sacred and therefore no dares or truths can be refused. To do so would bring the forfeit into play. And the forfeit is whoever fails their dare or refuses has to go on our next crime fighting mission dressed in a big pink dress," his eyes glittered, "Regardless of gender."
Four pairs of eyes looked at him as if he was insane.
"I'm going first then! And I pick the rule that you can't dare the person that just dared you! Got that?" everyone nodded. Terra turned to Beast Boy, "Truth or Dare BB?"
Beast Boy swallowed the noodles he had been eating and hastily put down his food, "Truth."
Raven tuned everything out from that point on.
##Do you cry in the dark?
The light hurts when it hits your face,
You don't want anyone to see you this way,
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,
So you cry in the dark##
Terra grinned, "No lying now Beast Boy. Who was your first kiss with?"
Beast Boy balked and then shifted slightly, he put his head down and bit a prawn cracker, he muttered something but no one could hear what he said.
"Care to repeat that?" asked Terra smiling evilly.
"You." Muttered Beast Boy louder.
Cyborg snickered behind his hand and Robin looked at the carpet trying to spare his friend the embarrassment, Starfire didn't understand the importance of this answer and merely grinned. Raven didn't look up.
Terra made a small crooning noise in the back of her throat and kissed Beast Boy, who was blushing all shades of red. "You're turn." She whispered, "Make it good."
Beast Boy shoved his mouth full of food and chewed on it till he felt the warmth leave his face. He looked up at Robin, and the boy wonder seemed to feel the gaze. Beast Boy tapped his fingers together and smiled mischievously.
"I don't trust that look." Stated Robin as Beast Boy turned to him.
"Truth or Dare Robin?" Beast Boy said around mouthfuls of pasta.
Robin didn't want to pick truth, he dreaded the question Beast Boy might ask him, if it was anything like the question Terra had given he would be in serious trouble. He cleared his throat, "Dare."
Beast Boy's face turned smug, "I dare you Robin to French kiss the girl nearest to you."
Robin felt relieved okay that wasn't that bad, he turned to face Starfire who was a few inches away from him, and he opened his mouth to get the redhead's attention when something that Beast Boy said made him freeze and his blood ran cold.
"Ah, ah, ah." The green elf taunted shaking a finger, "Star's not the closest girl to you."
All the colour drained from his face and he tilted his head back slightly to look at Raven who looked oblivious to everything going on around her, "Ra...raven?" he squeaked hating the way his voice sounded, "You want me to..." he trailed off aware that Beast Boy was grinning like it was already Christmas.
##And the picture of you holding hands,
By the fire is fading fast,
And your heart is closing,
And you don't know how to get off this track##
"Yep. And remember if you refuse you have to wear the dress." The changeling cackled.
Robin went even whiter, if that was humanly possible. "But Raven's not playing so you can't say that!" his voice was desperate. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he didn't want to in front of everyone else, and he had no idea about Raven's reaction because she seemed unaware of everything that was going on.
"You're right. Raven's not playing. But it's not her dare anyway." Beast Boy crossed his arms, "So kiss her already. And don't even think of moving nearer to Starfire, Raven is the closest to you."
##Every day you mime a prayer,
Even though your faith is shaken,
Your godmother has nobody,
Because everyone is taken##
Unbeknownst to the others Raven's attention had fixed on the conversations happening around her as soon as she had heard her name. It had taken all of her willpower to stop herself from murdering Beast Boy on the spot where he sat. She wasn't the least bit surprised to find Robin trying to worm his way out of it.
After all, she reflected, he never really wanted her that anyway it was just a silly mistake fuelled by the adrenaline as a result of burning breakfast. No one could ever want to kiss her. She doubted that Aqualad had, he'd never shown any interest in doing so; he'd never shown any interest in anything except showing her things and talking.
With Aqualad it was more of a friendship than an actual relationship. She didn't even know if she wanted a relationship. She cursed her emotions for getting her into this mess in the first place.
She kept her eyes focused on the page before her, willing the problem she now faced to go away. She could make it easier on herself and Robin, she knew that and was leaning towards that, but something in her mind was stopping her. She wanted to shake her head to clear her thoughts but in doing so she would attract the others' attention.
The pages of her book felt like ice under her fingertips and the sofa burning hot as if it was on fire. Her paranoia working overtime she finally snapped when Robin turned around to look at her.
She slammed the book closed with an audible bang and glared at Beast Boy, "Don't even bother." She hissed and teleported away to her room.
## Do you cry in the dark?
The light hurts when it hits your face,
You don't want anyone to see you this way,
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,
So you cry in the dark##
Raven reappeared on her dark bed and immediately folded her legs under her, inconsolable thoughts running rampant through her mind. She dropped the book with a soft thud on the floor beside her bed and then sighed dejectedly.
Things were getting out of hand. She was worried that she was so wrapped up in her own mental neuroses that she couldn't see the forest for the trees. Her train of thought no matter which direction she willed it to travel in always seemed to end up back, inexplicably, between Robin, Aqualad and the destruction of nevermore. She really had no idea what was happening, and even if she did she doubted that she would know what to do about it.
She made a frustrated sound and curled up on top of her black sheets. Her trembling fingers clutched at the material for dear life. She wasn't tired but her eyelids were fighting against the unknown to stay open. She didn't want to go to sleep; her dreams and nightmares frightened her. And most importantly with the thought of going to sleep came the terrifying thought of never waking up again.
Confused and disorientated she chanted the words of a favourite poem to herself, hoping beyond hope, that the familiar words would bring her comfort where no one else dared, "Deep in the darkness of the eternal night I live, There is no sleep for me here not even for a moment. I'm wrapped up in the gloom of the coming storm, Unable to move for lest I become unborn, The dust around my astral form is moving, But it does not grant me any peace or absolution, My thoughts are broken in my mind again, The shards of my memories cut me and cause me pain, My heart is splintering in the shadows, Everything that I have loved has faded away, Piles of smoking ash is all that is left of my soul, I have not the inclination now to try and make myself whole, Shuddering in the corner of my suicidal cage, I fear I have reached my final breaking point, Reality has been thrown into distortion, And I have torn down the sign that warns 'Caution' I have travelled along my long black road, And the air has turned to smoke around me, Still I keep on walking but I'm going nowhere, I'm going in circles in my own personal nightmare, My voice can no longer be heard by others, They have discarded me and moved on with their own lives, I'm pretending that I don't care but that's a lie, Caught between two evils fearing to live and fearing to die, The sun has melted down into acid beneath my feet, The stars have all fallen and have outweighed the moon, There is no light for me in this awful fantasy, All the greatness has been stripped away from my reality, Discerning lines have all blurred, And pastel colours have grown stark, I do not care for being pedantic, But still I am carried away on a wave of semantics, There is no peace in this meditative rage, Filled with passive and obvious resistance, I have forced myself to become emotionless, But perhaps that has made me senseless? Could this all be my own fault? Have I dug my own wet and muddy grave? I don't know what I am anymore, But for my disease...I know there is no cure." Her voice trailed off, the scenario in the poetry was her own, and it scared her. She had never known words that would so well express what she was feeling and now having found then it made her feel worthless.
If someone else was able to put down her own feelings in words, did that mean that what was happening to her had happened to someone else at some other time? Was nothing sacred just to her? Had others experienced what she had? Maybe she wasn't special after all, maybe she never was. Maybe she really was worthless, good for nothing, useless.
##This emotion is an ocean,
And the waves are getting high,
I'll find an island call it mine,
I'm swimming for my life##
Had everything she ever completed or compiled been in vain? Was there really no one who cared? Was she just living for the hell of it? No she realised in despair, what she was doing could not be classed as living. Didn't living life to the full require joy and happiness? Something that she obviously lacked.
No one ever cared, she decided, not really.
Raven was broken inside.
She clutched her black sheet closer to her chest and tried to cry. But the tears wouldn't come, so she settled on staring into nothingness, contemplating the person she had unwillingly become.
## Do you cry in the dark?
The light hurts when it hits your face,
You don't want anyone to see you this way,
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,
So you cry in the dark##