Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Inhale' By Edgewater.
Hand in Hand
Chapter Forty: Inhale
December 18th 22:34
Robin wrung his hands while he paced about in the waiting room of Jump City Hospital. To him it seemed as if the second hand on the clock that ticked above him were mocking him somehow. It seemed to be going very slowly indeed.
Robin despised waiting with a passion.
His fingers were red and would most probably be bruised from the amount if times he had wrung them together in his frustration; he had reached the hospital with Raven intent on making sure she was okay, only to have her taken away from him. Then a very polite nurse had informed him that he must wait in the waiting area, else he would be escorted from the premises by security.
That hadn't really gone down well. After a brief period of raised voices and exaggerated hand gestures Robin had finally convinced the majority of the staff that he was THE Robin and not just someone who had decided to play dress up. But unfortunately being a super hero didn't get you very far when battling against hospital protocol, the most they had been able to offer was a free cookie. Which, in fact, was not quite want he wanted or needed right now.
So now here he was pacing back and forth up and down a long white hallway that was lined with the most obscene dark mauve chairs that had ever been invented by the world of man. A small Christmas tree had been erected in the corner; tiny fairy lights sparkled on it. Amongst the branches he spied two turtle doves. "Birds of a feather…" he murmured to himself. He shook his head, some friend he'd been to Raven; he'd been so caught up in his romancing that he'd been blind to what was really happening. How could he have been so far off? He wanted to strangle himself; Raven must have been struggling terribly if she had taken it to this extent. He clenched his fists and paced with renewed vigour.
His boots made terrible clicking noises on the polished floor as he walked, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care whether he annoyed people or not.
Raven was in there, the room at the end of the corridor, and she might be dying! He felt like howling at the injustice of it all. There was nothing more he could do, he felt helpless. His heart was racing in his chest, half of him wanted the doctors to hurry up in there and come and tell him what had happened, but the other half didn't want to find out in case it was something really bad. He didn't think he would be able to take it.
Yeah you're shaking now,
Falling, you can't take it,
Just breathe in, breathe out let it flow
He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and looked up at the clock again. It looked as if only a minute or so had passed. It must have been more than that surely! He ran a hand through his hair, messing up the dark locks.
He jumped out of his skin when a gnarled hand was placed on his shoulder; he jerked violently, "Ack!" he twisted around to try and see what was happening.
A small old man with deep set hazel eyes stared back at him with a kind gaze, "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Would you care to sit down? You'll exhaust yourself pacing around like that. Come and sit down my son."
Robin, despite not knowing who the man was, allowed him self to be guided towards the chairs, he sank into one and put his head in his hands. Everything had gone so wrong. Nothing was supposed to turn out this way, they were a team dammit! When did they stop acting like one?
"Penny for your thoughts." Offered the elderly man as he lowered his frame into the seat next to Robin, he turned in his seat to face him, "Name's George."
"Robin." The boy wonder replied wearily groaning into his hands, "And my thoughts aren't worth that much."
George smiled gently, "Thoughts can be worth millions my boy, and you know it helps to talk about some things. If you don't, they'll eat you up inside."
It took a few moments for the man's words to sink in, Robin winced, Raven had never, ever talked about her problems, which was what had gotten her into this mess. Would the same thing happen to him if he didn't talk about it to anyone?
He felt like he was drowning.
Just ease your mind and take your time,
Can't you feel it?
This one life, this time, this time let it show
Robin raised his masked face and looked into the old man's eyes, trying to decide whether or not to trust him or not, you can't be too careful with people.
George must have sensed the searching gaze because the skin around his eyes crinkled as his smile widened, "You don't have to talk, I'm just saying, sometimes it helps. You know?"
"Yeah." Muttered Robin sighing, "I…" he trailed off and took a deep breath, "It just went wrong. It was never meant to, it was meant to work out perfectly and everyone was meant to be happy. But no one is, well except for Star, BB and Cy. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't make everything right again."
The man nodded sympathetically, "Girl trouble?"
Robin groaned again and leaned back in his chair, "How did you guess?"
George leaned back in his chair too, "I've seen it many-a-time." He stated very matter-of-factly. He nodded his head, "Yes I have, but you do realise you can't make everything else right. It's up to other people." The man stopped; as if he expected Robin to say something but when he didn't he carried on, "Why are you here?"
Robin's strength of will drained out him then, and he knew that his weariness and sadness showed on his face, he could feel it inside him, if that made sense, all other things he had ever felt were pushed aside by fatigue and sorrow. "My friend tried to kill herself."
George's eyebrows rose slightly but the man seemed to school his expression well, "You're friend…you're girlfriend maybe?"
Robin scowled down at his hands, which now lay in his lap, "No. She's dating a friend of mine, although we're not really friends anymore."
"But you want her to be your girlfriend." Said George nodding again and fiddling with the buttons of his extra large cardigan.
"Maybe." Admitted Robin, "I…I really like Raven, and I think she likes me, but we're both…otherwise engaged. She has a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend."
George shrugged, "Well if you like each other then go for it."
Robin's face became pained, "It's not that simple, Star's very happy with our relationship, she thinks it's a happy ever after thing and I don't think I could bear to hurt her."
"So you're staying with her because of what? Pity?"
"No. No that's not it." Replied Robin wiping his face with a hand. "I…I just don't know what I want. I want Raven, but I don't want to hurt Star, although I wouldn't mind hurting Aqualad."
George chuckled to himself, "Your friends certainly have odd names."
Robin glowered at the man.
George sat forward and looked directly at Robin, "Here's what I think. Now whether you take my advice or not its up to you, but it seems as if you really like the little lady that's being seen to now, she's gonna need someone to be there for her and you are the only one here. Think about it, this boy of hers can't be doing much good if she still wanted to commit suicide." George patted Robin's hand with his, "If you feel you have to stay with your current girl for sake of duty, then you're going to spend your life, living a lie."
Robin blinked at the man.
Just breathe and bring yourself back to me,
How can you let go?
Of everything you meant to me?
Time it goes slow,
No, don't go
"George there you are!" cried the doctor looking relieved, she turned and addressed Robin, "Has he been annoying you?"
"Err, no." answered Robin warily.
"Good thing to." The doctor said shaking a finger at George, "You promised not to go wandering off, you gave the mental health ward staff a right scare!" she admonished, "Now get yourself back to your room, and what have I told you about talking to visitors?"
George merely smiled charmingly and got up slowly; he winked at Robin and then lumbered away. Robin stared after him slightly disturbed by what had transpired.
The doctor shook her head and then turned back to Robin, her expression serious once more, "Are you the boy who brought Miss Roth in?"
All you want it a taste you can't erase,
It's taken over,
Just once more chance last stand,
Take it slow
"Yes. I am." Replied Robin in a voice barely over a whisper, he was desperately fighting with himself to try and stop him from screaming and demanding to see her right now, the rational part of him realised that that would not get him very far.
The doctor nodded, "Come with me please." She turned on her heel and started to work up the corridor, which now seemed obscenely long to Robin, back towards the room where Raven was, "Miss Roth lost a lot of blood, you understand."
Robin swallowed the bile in his throat and then nodded, "Yeah." He agreed almost silently.
The doctor continued, "It was lucky that you brought her in when you did, another ten or twenty minutes and we wouldn't have been able to revive her."
Robin froze at the words he looked up at the doctor his eyes wide and hope filled, "You mean…she's still live?" he asked fearing to hope.
The doctor nodded, "Yes. She is still alive. A day or so of rest and she'll be fine, her body seems to be healing rather quickly." The woman shook her head before continuing, "We've stitched up her wrists, and the stitches should dissolve in their own time. You can go in and see her, but try not to excite her too much, if she even wakes up today, she needs rest." As she finished speaking they both began walking again, only this time at a faster pace.
They finally reached the end of the corridor, much to Robin's immense relief and they stopped outside the room that Raven was being held in.
"Can I go in now?" asked Robin trying to hold back the tears he could feel gathering behind his eyes.
The doctors gaze softened, "Of course." She reached over and pushed the door open for him. As he entered she said, "It's a terrible thing to happen so near Christmas." She closed the door quietly.
Robin looked over to the bed.
Tired of waking up and you can't take it,
Well strike back, take that,
Let it show
Raven was lying prone on a white bed, the sheets covering her were bone white. It looked very clean. The first thing that Robin noticed was how pale her skin now looked, he was used to seeing it at it's usual dusky grey, a colour which he secretly admired, now though all the colour had drained out of it and it was a very pale coal grey verging on dirty white.
Her eyes were closed and the jewel upon her forehead was dull, it was almost lifeless. Her beautiful violet hair, the hair that he had always wanted to run his fingers through, was spread upon the white pillows behind her head, but it looked dull now. His eyes dropped to her wrists, they were bandaged right up to the elbow. He felt the tears gather at his eyes again.
"How could you do this?" he asked her softly, even though she was sleeping.
Her face was peaceful. She looked as she did when she fell asleep at the kitchen table after mission where she was just too tired to stay awake. She looked…free from trouble. Innocent.
He slipped into the chair next to her bed and his own trembling hands reached out and touched hers, her fingers were so cold, but he laced his own with them anyway. He brought his hand up, thereby bringing hers up with it and he placed his lips on her knuckles and kissed them gently.
"Raven, I'm here for you." He said it like a promise, but it was a vow. More sacred than any other he had taken in his young life. "I'll make everything right again. I promise. Whatever it takes." He kissed her hand again.
Just breathe and bring yourself back to me,
How can you let go?
Of everything you meant to me?
Time to take it slow,
It's your last chance to take your stand,
God only knows,
The time has come, what's left undone,
How can you let, how can you?
He enveloped her hand with his other and stared intently at her sleeping face, "I know you think that I've never been there for you, or that I'm too wrapped up in doing my own thing. Maybe I was, but I won't be anymore. If you want I can change, I can make things better."
A lone tear managed to find its way down his face. How could he have let this happen to such a beautiful creature?
"I swear Raven, on my life, as useless as it may be, that I will try to make you happy, I know circumstances haven't always led us to believe that, and that at times things are difficult, but I will try. I can't do more than that."
He began to rub Raven's hand with his fingers trying to will his warmth into her.
"I'd probably make a lousy boyfriend, I know I'm probably not that one you want, but I'm offering myself to you here." He looked at her face, "I only wish you could hear me."
He cradled her hand in his and took a deep shuddering breath.
"Raven…" his voice cracked on her name, "I think I love you."
Just breathe; you gotta fight to make it through this,
You can't leave me,
How can you, how can you let go?
"Please don't leave me." He begged before he broke down into tears.