Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Turn' by Feeder. Reviews greatly appreciated, check out bare Grace Misery, my other Raven centric fic, I updated that as well, and I was thinking of sometime starting another story which would mainly be a Raven/Blackfire friendship thing, just to be different…what do you guys think?

Hand in Hand

Chapter Forty-Two: Turn

December 19th 09:56

"So, how long have you been hurting yourself?" asked Robin after gathering the courage. Both he and Raven were walking slowly back to titan's tower in the morning sunlight, they had talked about a number of things, Raven had explained in great detail about her lineage and Nevermore. He felt that he understood her better now somehow. He had told her how his parents died, how he had met Batman and how he had come to be in Gotham City. In turn he had learned all about Raven's history with the girl called Alexial, the two of them had been best friends back on Azarath before Raven had fled to earth.

Raven sighed; she had known that this question was coming, "Ever since I can remember. It was customary for Azarathians to receive wounds when they succeeded at something; the pain would heighten their powers ever so slightly giving them adrenaline rushes and extra energy. When Azarathians went to war they pierced themselves with needles before they went into battle, usually the scent of their blood would confuse the enemy." She paused and watched her feet closely as they walked, "Although I didn't go to war, or succeed at anything in particular I used to watch the ceremonies from the palace balconies." She shrugged, "I didn't want to be left out and so I started cutting, I think it was different for me because I'm half human, because it hurt a lot more than I expected it too, and it didn't increase my powers. It gave me the adrenaline rush, but instead of heightening my senses it dulled down my emotions so that I didn't feel anything for a while. It made my emotional pain go away. I was….six… the first time that I tried it."

Robin didn't say anything, he wanted to say something comforting, something deep and meaningful that would make her smile, or something witty anything other than the uncomfortable silence that they had settled into, "That means you've been doing it for eleven years." he sighed, "Did becoming a titan make any difference?" He had to know.

Raven was silent for a moment, "Yes." She answered finally,

Robin smiled lightly, "Really?"

Raven slanted him a glance, "You have to understand that cutting is an addiction, I can't just stop straight away. But when I first joined the titans I was so wrapped up in what was going on around me that I didn't pick up a knife for a good eight months. When people get hurt because of me, when I loose control, or when I have nightmares, they're usually the only times that I hurt myself."

Robin nodded satisfied with her answer, "I'll help you. I'll stand by you whatever you decide. If you want to stop, I'll help, if you want to carry on, I won't be happy, but I'll support your decision."

"Robin. I can't hurt myself anymore. I only did it because of Depression. Depression is dead. Rage saw to that." Reminded Raven bluntly.

"Oh." Robin cleared his throat to cover his embarrassment as he posed his next question, "What about Love?"

Seeing things, going places,
Living out of suitcases,
Every day's like a dream,
I find myself talking to shadows,
Taking the train of youth,
Back home again

"What about Love?" she shot back raising her eyebrow, and slowing her stride slightly.

Robin hesitated, but decided to plough onwards anyway, he couldn't bury his head in the sand about it and quite frankly it had been annoying him since they left the hospital. "Rage said that Love doesn't exist for you. Is that true?"

"Yes." She answered crisply.

Robin frowned, "How come?"

"It's none of your business."

"Raven, please tell me, I want to help you and to do that I need to know every single detail about Nevermore including the reason for the absence of Love." She didn't reply so he tried a different approach, "Did you love Aqualad?"

"No."

And that was that.

The two of them walked in complete silence for the next mile or so until Robin gathered the courage to attack the subject again.

"Have you ever loved?"

"Yes."

The conversation dried up again.

The city was beginning to come to life again; people were opening up their shops for the weekend, some were running about getting ready do some last minute shopping and some were just walking in the street wrapped up warm in thick woollen jumpers and bobble hats.

Robin was beginning to think that these people had the right idea. He was freezing in his jacket. He looked to Raven, she was wearing some clothes that he'd rushed out and bought quickly, (her own had been destroyed because of the amount of blood on them) she was wearing black jeans and a black polar neck. She looked fine.

"Are you cold Raven?"

"No."

Robin sighed.

"But thanks for asking."

Robin brightened immediately.

I don't want to be a hero,

But I don't want to be a zero

They were nearing the tower, slowly but surely and the minutes were ticking by, "So…" began Robin cautiously, "What happened to Love?"

Raven didn't reply straight away, when she did her voice was dull, and tinged with a hint of regret, though he couldn't be sure. Was regret an emotion? "Love died a long time ago."

"How old were you?"

"Eight."

"It must have hurt, losing Love like that. Did it…did it fade away like your other emotions?" Robin was afraid to ask, but he felt like he needed to know.

"No. One day it just wasn't there anymore."

They kept walking, though at some point they picked up the pace.

"Do you want me to tell the others what's happening?"

"I don't want them to know unless it's absolutely necessary." Replied Raven reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "Then, and only then, will they be told."

Robin nodded, "Okay." He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit, he hated keeping secrets from the titans even though he knew that it was sometimes necessary. If this was what Raven wanted then he would go along with it for now, and from this moment on he vowed to try and be a better person towards her. She needed help and besides that he had to be there with her if the demon Rage ever reappeared. He didn't know how he was ever going to explain that one to the other titans. He supposed that both Cyborg and Beast Boy would understand having already seen Raven's emotions in the flesh as it were.

The tower was becoming distinctly larger as they approached.

A cold wind whipped past them, carrying Raven's purple locks back over her shoulder in a shower of amethyst strands. Robin wanted to reach out and touch the silken hair, wanted to see how cool and soft it would be to touch for real…but he controlled the urge.

He expelled a breath in a quiet sigh.

And I don't wanna sit here wasting time,

I just want a place inside your mind,

I wish that I could turn the clocks right back,

It's easy to forget just what you've got

They paused at the door to titan's tower and they both looked awkwardly at one another. What had happened had bound them together for life; they were more than just friends now. There was something a lot deeper, a lot stronger between them, a connection shared by two minds that happened to chance upon the same situation at the same time.

Raven's cool violet eyes met Robin's masked gaze and they stared at one another for a long moment, letting the winter weather whirl around them in ice cold frenzy, letting the wind create new folds and patterns in their clothes as it changed direction.

"Are you alright?" asked Robin softly as he looked at her, even to him she seemed lost and almost hollow. Had that been what Aqualad had seen? It must be, like looking across the expanses of space and directly into a black hole, her eyes sucked everything in and he could feel her claws digging into his soul. Whatever happened now, he realised, he would not escape what was happening, and he was part of it until the day he died.

Raven nodded, "Yes." She too, knew and understood the reasons behind their actions. It wasn't just her anymore, there was someone else involved. She had to try harder, if not for her sake then for Robin's. She knew that Rage would tear him apart if she had the chance; Raven knew that Robin had put himself in a dangerous position merely by being her true friend. "Let's go in then."

Robin nodded and turned to enter the access codes, the door slid open silently and the two of them gave each other one last reassuring look before they slipped into the welcoming warmth of their home…

And were confronted by a hysterical Starfire…

Seeing things, going places,

Meeting all kinds of faces,

Every day's like a scene,

I find myself going through phases,

Trying to find somewhere that I can be me

"RAVEN! YOU ARE ALIVE!" screamed Starfire characteristically loud as she flung herself at the startled pair. Her long arms wrapped around Raven's shoulders in a massive bear hug that carried them both back several paces.

Robin stunned by the action stumbled back himself, if only to save himself from Raven's flailing arms. "What the-"

"Yes, Starfire. Thank you for mentioning the obvious. Now could you let go?" snapped Raven hostilely shooting Robin a venomous glare.

Robin as the recipient of the glare found it hard to take her seriously when she was looking at him through the gap between Starfire's ear and shoulder. He held up his hands in surrender anyway. "I'm not getting involved."

"Too bad, buddy. You're already involved." Remarked agitated Cyborg coming out of the kitchen dressed in a white apron with rubber gloves on. "We had a rather impromptu visit from Aqualad this morning." He let his gaze slide to the kitchen door, "Beast Boy hasn't recovered yet."

Raven's eyes narrowed to slits, "What?"

Robin blanched, "What about?"

Cyborg gave them a stern look, "I think you know what about. Raven." He switched his attention to her, "We found the book, and saw the blood. Why didn't you tell us what was wrong?"

In a flash Raven had whirled on Robin, "You didn't clean everything up!"

Robin scowled at her as she managed to peel Starfire off of her, and the Tamaran girl hopped backwards, tears shining in here eyes. How had it got this bad? Everyone was hurting now, and he couldn't help but feel responsible. He registered Raven's words, "You expected me to clean? I was too busy saving your life!"

Because I don't want to be a hero,

And I don't want to be a zero

Raven glared at them all, and then the unthinkable happened.

Robin saw it first and he was the only one who knew what was happening but it happened before he could even open his mouth. The Demon Rage emerged once again. Not only was this annoying and slightly disturbing, but it made him feel as if his life was in danger, and when it came down to it he severely doubted that he would be able to fight against Rage when she was still inside Raven.

The dark look entered Raven's eyes and she gave a wistful sneer and brought her hands up to her chin, gifting them all with a darkly seductive look and she fluttered her, now incredibly long, eyelashes, "Oh, silly me." She purred, "I think I've gotten the wrong idea."

Cyborg's mouth dropped open and he spluttered in disbelief, "Wha…what?"

Starfire blinked innocently with a confused expression on her face, "Friend Raven? Are you alright? You must have lost a lot of blood from your harm of the self…and you need time to grieve over your break up with Honorary Titan Aqualad."

Rage's smile curled into look of contempt, "Grieve? Over that waste of scales and skin?" she gave a dark chuckle, twisting her hair around one of her fingers, as the fingernail stretched into a talon, "I do not need time to grieve, and self harm? Whoever suggested such an idea?"

"But…we saw the blood…and the book…and…and…" protested Cyborg looking back and forth between the strangely acting Raven and the gaping white faced Robin.

Rage laughed again and moved her sleeves down exposing her pale, scarless arms, "You must have been mistaken. For you see, I have never had anything but love for this body." She moved her now clawed hands in front of her face and clicked the talons together slowly, the noise sounding deafening loud in the stillness of the hallway.

"What? But…." Starfire trailed off, looking around at the other occupants of the room, maybe she was looking for support, or some amount of sanity in the madness, and she looked towards her boyfriend. Robin gave her a pained look but then his gaze moved back to Raven. She felt a pang in her chest. She frowned….what was that?

Rage sneered, "Oh Starfire, how I hated you. With your pretty face and bubbly attitude, you were everything that Raven, that I, could never be." She clicked her claws together again and her eyes flashed a blood red, her hatred appearing on her face as she took a slow step forwards towards the frowning redhead. "Let's play." Without waiting for a reply from any of the people in the room, Rage's hands flooded with dark energy.

And I don't wanna sit here wasting time,

I just wanna play inside your mind,

I wish that I could turn the clocks back,

It's easy to forget just what you've got

Starfire gave a deafening shriek as she realised what was about to happen and she took flight, shooting upwards towards the unfortunately low ceiling as bolts of dark magic flew after her, crashing into the walls, melting the paper and sending shards of plaster flying in all directions. She shot back the way she had come, her eyes wide as she dodged the attacks, "I do not wish to fight you!"

"Then just stay still and let me kill you." Rage all but purred, the mocking tone to her words making it sound nothing like Raven at all, because raven never used that type of voice EVER. Dark lightning arced forwards from her open hands.

"Whoa, Raven!" cried Cyborg as he enfolded the attacking girl in his arms, trying to keep her arms down by her sides so that she couldn't attack Starfire anymore.

"Hands off!" she spat, throwing him a look that, if it had the strength to kill, would have, then reincarnated him, so that he could be killed again. A blast of energy threw him off of her, and he crashed into the opposite wall hard, his head cracking against the doorframe that led to the kitchen. He groaned as he slumped downwards, stunned, for the moment.

Rage's chest heaved and she turned back to Starfire who was back on her feet staring at Raven, or at who she thought, was Raven, "Raven! What has gotten into you?"

Robin just stood there staring between the two of them. Things had gotten so out of control, he had thought that they would have been able to keep the whole Rage thing a secret, but he guessed that he was wrong. He guessed that things were never going to be as easy as he wanted them to be.

Things were just falling apart.

They were even fighting against each other now.

I'm not trying to find an easy way,

Picking up the pieces of a page,

I'm looking for a place inside your mind,

Because I don't want to leave it all behind

Rage cackled as she flung her arms out, dark waves rippling from her body, knocking Starfire to her knees, she levitated over to the fallen Tamaran and a manic grin adorned her features, "Yes," she breathed with a hysterical air, "Kneel before me." Her eyes widened and her pupils shrank to mere pinpricks. Her breaths were coming in ragged and uneven gasps as she said the world.

"Rage."

Rage turned to look over her shoulder, her eyes even wider now, the red of her eyes visible around her tiny black pupils. An insane giggle bubbled up, "Want to join in Robin? So much power…" she inhaled, as if inviting a scent in towards her, "I can finally feel the power that Depression left joining with my own…"

Somewhere in the background, Cyborg gave a moan of pain.

Robin stared at her from behind his mask.

Her eyes narrowed suddenly, "What are you thinking Robin?" she tapped her right temple with the edge of a sharp nail, "I can't get inside your head."

"Rage. You need to stop."

"I will, once she's dead!" the demon declared, her power intensified, causing the still knelt Starfire to yelp in pain.

"This has gone on long enough." Stated Robin slowly, "Raven needs to come back out now."

Rage fluffed her hair up, and gave him a coy smile, "You sure you want that? You could have so much more fun with me. You know you could." She swivelled her body around and approached him, swaying her hips as she went, "I suspect I encourage all kinds of dark thoughts in you."

Robin didn't blink, well, even if he did, she couldn't tell. "Raven needs to come out now." He placed his hand on her shoulder, to halt her advance on him as soon as she got within distance, "Raven. I know you're in there."

Rage's manic smile returned as his hand made contact with her shoulder, "Don't you want me Robin? I know you want Raven, but I'm so much better than her. I can show things you've never even dreamed about, I can take you into the darker, more erotic parts of your mind."

Robin had the vague sense that Rage wasn't talking about platonic friendship anymore, he swallowed to cover his nervousness, why wasn't Raven responding? Surely she hadn't lost power, or something, "Raven?" he questioned tersely.

So come on, give in,

There's no beauty in this pain,

So come on, give in,

We've got to find ourselves again

Rage chuckled and reached up to stroke the side of his face, "Did you know I'm both masochistic and sadistic? Think about it, all you're wildest fantasies…there's nothing I won't do." Starfire squeaked in protest, another wave of power sent the Tamaran further into the ground.

"Raven?" Robin tried again, though the sternness in his voice seemed to be waving, dammit, he mentally kicked his inability to do nothing except stand there and repeat the same word over and over again.

A clawed finger reached up and trailed along his jaw, she could still reach even though his hand was on her shoulder, "Do you like pain with pleasure…Robin?" his name rolled off her tongue, off her sharp and poisonous tongue. When he didn't reply she grinned again, "You'll get used to it."

He let out a strangled squawk.

"I want you to scream for me." Her talon dug into his skin suddenly and ripped downwards, leaving a path of crimson along his jaw. Unexpectedly her hand suddenly stilled, her eyes flashed back to normal before they rolled up t the back of her head and her body went limp.

She slumped forwards, revealing the tear streaked face of Beast Boy. He had a frying pan clasped in his raised hand, his eyes were red from crying and his hair was dishevelled. He looked down at Raven, or rather Rage's prone form, and then looked back up to Robin. "People like that. They can turn on you."

I don't want to be your hero

Robin looked up at Beast Boy, taking in his friend's appearance and he winced, again guilt rose in him, despite his conscience telling him that not all of this was his fault. "Beast Boy…I'm sorry." His voice cracked on the last word and he looked to his feet, before he shuffled past to haul Starfire back to her feet.

Beast Boy watched them for a moment, all the happiness gone from him, "I knew Terra wasn't happy y'know. But I thought it'd blow over. I never dreamed that she would cheat on me." He looked down at Raven, "Terra warned me about this. I didn't believe her."

"What?" asked Robin raising an eyebrow as he turned around, supporting Starfire with his right arm and then moving over to Cyborg and offering his other hand, "Terra, warned you about this?"

Beast Boy nodded wearily, letting the frying pan fall from his fingers and running a hand through his emerald hair, "She told me that Raven was being funny with her, darker, colder and evil. But I shrugged it off, yelled at her for even saying that. I guess I wanted to believe that Raven would never be like that again. She was scary enough when she faced Doctor Light; I thought we'd sorted it. But…"

"Seeing is believing, as they say here." Put in Starfire grimly, "What is going on Robin?"

Robin pulled Cyborg to his feet and shook his head, "I'm not even sure. I know parts…"

"I think you had better tell us those parts." Suggested Cyborg, holding his head in his hands and wincing in discomfort as he leaned against the slightly destroyed wall for his support.

Robin nodded.

And I don't wanna sit here wasting time,

I just wanna play inside your mind,

I wish that I could turn the clocks back,

It's easy to forget just what you've got

Later, after the others had all been briefed on what was going on the four of them were sat around the kitchen table in silence. No one really knew what to say, no one knew how to act. Things were going downhill fast for them, first Raven tried to kill herself, then Terra had cheated on Beast Boy with Aqualad and then had left the titans as soon as BB had found out, then Raven had been possessed by the rogue emotion Rage who was determined to have Raven's body for herself. Rage's goals consisted of killing Starfire, seducing Robin and numerous other things, Azarath had died leaving her without a home, multiple emotions had faded or been taken away from existence, there was a new villain by the name of The Dread Macaw (which was a really bad name in Cyborg's opinion) and Slade was back on the streets. Oh, and it was six days until Christmas. Could things possibly get any worse?

Just what was going on in everyone's heads at the moment?

Cyborg had a headache, understandable, so he wasn't thinking much except about how slow the aspirins were.

Starfire was sad, unusual for her, but it did happen, she was confused and shocked about what was happening. Her friends were falling apart at the seams and she couldn't seem to do anything about it.

Beast Boy was hurt, and in the process of grieving. Her mind full of thoughts that he neither asked for nor wanted, but there was little he could do about it. He was as much in control here as a chicken was in a slaughter house.

Robin was trembling, visibly trembling in fear and…something else. Excitement? He didn't know. But what he did know was that he did NOT need this right now. Everything was so much easier before all of this had started happening. Maybe it would be easier if he went to sleep and never woke up….NO! He couldn't believe he'd just thought that, he sighed dejectedly. Everything was slipping through his fingers…

I'm not trying to find an easy way,

Picking up the pieces of a page,

I'm looking for a place inside your mind,

Because I don't want to leave it all behind