Alchemy, Officers, and Contests

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, I wouldn't say so.

Note: Heh, there was this commertial I remember seeing a few years ago, had something to do with men's shampoo or something. Oh, and this chapter is kind of a Riza x Roy thing, but just an eensy weensy teeny bit.

Episode SEVEN

Stupid Ice Cream Hair Dye

He just couldn't get it out of his hair. No matter how much shampoo he scrubbed on his scalp, he just couldn't get it out. Roy growled to himself, and then gave up. Just the day before, he didn't mind the silver ice cream hair dye that Fullmetal had dumped on him in that food fight. Now he'd probably be called "Ghost Boy" or something like that.

'What'm I gonna do. . .?' the colonel thought to himself. He had to do something about this. It wasn't like black hair dye was free. Then an idea hit him. He could wear his military hat! But then it wouldn't be of much help because parts of his hair would still show. Roy sighed and stood up. All he had to do was just suffer a few days of constant teasing, and then when the dye faded, he could have his revenge on Fullmetal! The perfect plan.

The man walked over to his door and took a deep breath. He walked out of his house, and looked around. No one. He began walking to headquarters, and then some random girls saw him.

"OMG! It's Colonel Roy Mustang!" one of them squealed. "I love your new hair color!" she blew him a kiss. Roy twitched, and continued walking. Every woman he walked by squealed or tried to glomp him. Hm, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad few days after all.

He walked into his office, expecting someone to call him a name or something.

"Hey! Lookin' good there, Taisa!" Havoc called.

"Something's different about you, Roy. . ." Hughes said. "new haircut?"

"Colonel, the paperwork needs. . ." Riza looked up from her files, and saw Roy. Everything went silent. The paper fell to the ground.

"Erm, I'm terribly sorry, Sir," the blond kneeled down to the ground to pick up the files. "clumsy me!"

After a few hours of working on paperwork and sorts, Roy was finally alone in his office. He got ready to pack things up and leave, when the door suddenly opened. He looked up and saw Riza in a whole new attire.

She wore a white tank top that said 'Bad Girl' in red fiery letters, a black miniskirt that went only, oh, just a few inches above her knees, leather boots, and her hair was down. Roy's jaw dropped. The woman walked towards him, and shoved him into the desk, running her hands through his ice cream silver hair.

"Oh, Taisa," she said in an unusual voice. "you look so. . .so. . .MANLY."

"I, uh, yes, well, Hawkeye, I uh. . ."

"Call me Riza. . ." she whispered.

"Um, Riza, yeah, well, um, uh. . ." Roy stuttered to find the right words to get her off of him. He looked around the room, and saw something dark scurry across the floor.

"Look! It's a rat!" he yelled.

"Sorry, ROY, but that's not going to work on me. . ." Riza licked her lips.

"No! Really! I'm serious here! There was a RAT on the floor!"

There was a squeak, and then Riza took out a pistol and shot behind her, without looking away. Roy winced at the sound of a splatter (poor rat!). Someone ran into the room.

"Sir! I heard gunsho. . ." a woman's voice stopped, and Roy looked. Riza stood at the doorway, in her usual military garments, her hair up, and was in shock. The Riza with her hair down twitched and began laughing.

"I SHALL GET YOU COLONEL MUSTANG!" she yelled, transforming into a deathly familiar palm-tree head and jumping out a window, and the only thing that could be heard was the screeching of tires and a loud 'THUNK'

"STUPID BIRDS!" someone yelled.

Roy and Riza stared out the window in silence.

Yes, Roy will get his revenge on Fullmetal indeed, because he was almost screwed by Envy.

Yep. I went brain-dead in the beginning. I had originally made the real Riza the one with her hair down, and then Hughes barging in taking a picture for blackmail, but then this idea popped out of nowhere. . .

Oh, and just to clear something up, the Riza who dropped the paperwork WAS Riza. She was just shocked to see that Roy actually left his hair like that to go to work and live up to whatever humiliation he had to go through.

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