Part EIGHT!
P.S. I didn't create Homestarrunner.com. The two guys and the girl who did.......did.
---------------
Linda: Greetings again and welcome to the eighth installment of Slash and Linda: The Fic Critics.
Slash: Yeah.
Linda: What's the matter with you?
Slash: Feeling a little under the weather.
Linda: Awww.
Slash: I sense sarcasm.
Linda: Our first fic for this part is "My Sweet Angel" By Reaper On A Mission.
Slash: Creepy.
Linda: At least it's a new author! I was looking for a new one. Anyway, this one....Slash, why don't you.
Slash: I usually do anyway. Right, now this one is a little on the psycho side. First of all, I manage to get away with calling Linda a cunt. How the heck did I get away with that, you ask?
Linda: Here's the catch. YOU WON'T!!!!! *starts beating up Slash*
Me: *covers her eyes*
(five minutes later)
Me: Is it over? *peeks through fingers*
Linda: Yep. Problem taken care of.
Slash: Ha ha ha! Trogdor strikes again!!!!
Me/Linda: ?
Tommy: I think you hit him a little too hard, Linda.
Linda: I'll say. Who the hell is Trogdor?
Slash: Set the peasants on fire!!! *tackles Linda*
Tommy: Oh great.
Me: Hey Tommy, while "Trogdor" achieves burnination, why don't you read the first fic.
Tommy: Okay. Hmmm.......where to start.......okay! Anyway, we left off where Slash called Linda a very vulgar name. After a fight on the bus, the driver gives out assigned seats. Damien gets stuck next to Linda. But he doesn't seem to mind, because they soon bond. (Hey, Linda can be pretty demonic sometimes, too.)
Linda: You want some of this too, chubbs? *holds up fist*
Tommy: No, I was just saying.......aw, who cares. Linda and Damien find out they like each other, the end, deja vu. *leaves*
Me: Well, THAT was uncalled for!
Slash: I'm way better at fic-reading than he is.
Linda: What's the next one?
Slash: "Reaper's Boredom" by Reaper on a Mission.
Linda: Cool! Another one by her. What's this one about?
Slash: Well, it deals with us Snowboard Kids, Tommy eating the burnt remains of a Pikachu, the human Pokemon characters dangling over a huge bonfire at the last thread of their life, a Mew and a Mewtwo with a mother/son relationship, me cussing at the top of my lungs and so on and so forth! Insanity ensues, and at the end, quote from Reaper; "ASH DIES!!!"
Linda: Cruel, but Atlus was the one who threatened to turn the company into a Pokemon producer.
Slash: I bet this changed our minds. The bottom line is, if you hate Pokemon and you love Snowboard Kids, look no further than "Reaper's Boredom."
Linda: The third fic on our list is, "Kyle" by Kitty Cat.
Slash: I've read this one before, so I don't even have to read the fic to know what it's about.
Linda: Then tell them.
Slash: Okay. The first chapter is in Linda's POV (point - of - view). We are shocked to discover that she's pregnant. Even MORE shockingly! She's got MY KID!!! So as nine months drags on, my relationship with Linda fizzles slightly, and me and Jam are seeming to grow closer. By the time month #7 or 8 rolls around, me and Jam discover that we're head over heels in love with each other. (Also Linda comes up with the dumb idea of naming our kid "Jojo.")
Me: Hey, that was Kitty Cat's idea, not Linda's.
Slash: So? It's still stupid.
Me: Kiiiiiiittyy Caaaaaat.......
Slash: Shit.
Kitty Cat: All right. Who's the one that said "Jojo" was stupid? *pounding fist into the palm of her other hand*
Slash: That......would be me........*eep*
Kitty Cat: Linda, the father of your child is about to be beaten to a bloody pulp. Say your last respects.
Linda: *flicks Slash off*
Me: Not very respectful, but it'll do.
Kitty Cat: *gives Slash his second beating*
Me: *covers eyes again*
Linda: *sighs and picks up fic where Slash left off* At long last, one fateful night I can feel the pains coming. I'm taken to the hospital, and Slash doesn't find out 'till later. But he does get there on time, and after he gets back from wandering around trying to find the gift shop, he arrives just in time to witness the birth of our little son, Kyle Alexander Kamei. So the bottom line for this one is, if you're one of those people who thinks birth is kinda gross (even when there's no detail involved) scoot away, but if you're a fan of me and Slash being together you might wanna read this one.
Slash: I'm gonna cry.....
Linda: I didn't know you were touched by such maternal subjects.
Slash: No, it's just that I think Kitty Cat broke my ribs......*sniff sniff*
Linda: *practically flies into a rage* SO YOU FEEL NO LOVE FOR OUR NEWBORN SON BUT YOU CRY WHEN YOUR OWN ASS GETS WHUPPED?!?!?!?
Me: Oh no. By now, Slash is gonna wind up in the emergency room.
*For the third time, Slash is pummeled*
Tommy: Technically, he said his ribs were broke, so it wasn't his ass that got whupped, it was his ribs.
Me: You always were good at logic, weren't you?
Tommy: *beams* Yup!
Linda: *dusts off hands* So what's the fourth fic for the day, Kitty Kuehnemund?
Me: Ehhhhh....."The Christmas of Terror with the Snowboard Kids" by Angewomon 2000.
Slash: *unconscious*
Linda: Since little Slashie is feeling even THREE TIMES MORE under the weather, I'll do this summary. This "Chrismas of Terror" ensues with our crazy creators, Atlus, sending us to yet ANOTHER CREEPY MANSION for the holidays! What, do we no longer get to enjoy a nice holiday AT HOME?!? Well anyway, after Yuffie the psycho walks right into the haunted place and plenty of facefaults and Materia discussion is shared, we hear a chainsaw and half of us scream bloody murder. After trying to convince Natalie that there's NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS, it doesn't work of course. Slash, being the scatterbrain he is, opens the door after someone knocks on it and tells everyone it's a freak show with a chainsaw. We run for our lives, being pursued by this modern day Jason Voorhees, until the authoress pans over to the opposite side of the mansion where three other Kids are. They don't seem affected by the chainsaw-wielding maniac, but instead stroll quietly through the mansion like all's well. Eventually, the chainsaw dude gets blown up by "Self-Destruct Materia" and we all get to go back home for Christmas.
Slash: The.......bottom line...........ouch.
Linda: You couldn't have said it better!
Tommy: Don't make him talk, he's in obvious pain.
Linda: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURT TO HAVE KYLE?!?
Tommy: Uh, Linda, that never happened. That was just a fanfic.
Linda: *blink blink*..............Oh yeah! Hee hee! *gets all ditzy and blonde-like*
(Everyone sweatdrops and falls over anime-style)
Slash: So.....you beat me up for NOTHING?!?
Linda: I guess so! Ha ha ha!
Slash: Well guess what? You've just inspired me to let YOU feel just how painful it was to be PUNCHED TO OBLIVION!!! *attacks Linda*
Jam: Hey! Didn't yo mama ever tell ya not to hit girls?
Tommy: He's got a point.
Slash: GENDER DISCRIMINATION NO LONGER MATTERS!!! *continues pummeling*
Nancy: Since when is he so articulate?
Me: Who knows. On to the last fic of the chapter.
Nancy: Which would be, "Slash and Jam's Revenge" By BlondePunka08. Her pen name changes all the time, though, so if there's a different one when you read this fic I can't say I didn't warn ya.
Jam: Good thinking.
Tommy: Maybe WE should host this show from now on!
Jam: Yeah really! What's the fic about, Nancy?
Nancy: Well, Linda's being a brat, especially towards Slash and Jam. But they already have an ace up their sleeve.......the ultimate prank book! The volume of Jackass-related stunts includes............
-Put crap in a paper bag and leave it open. Put it on someone's doorstep. Set it on fire, ring the doorbell, and run.
-While someone's in a portapotty, run at it and push it over.
-While someone's in a portapotty, back up a truck at the door. Remove it that evening.
-Leave a water balloon under someone's mat, ring the doorbell, and run.
Jam: Nasty.
Tommy: Really. So what do they plan to do with these pranks? They're gonna use them on Linda, but none of them really apply to someone like her. Soooo, they invent ones like, "Board down the slope with Linda's panties on your head" and stuff like that.
Jam: I must have invented THAT one. I always think of the ones that embarass people.
Nancy: So they make an entire list of all the pranks ever invented........and they plan to use them ALL on poor defenseless Linda!!!
Tommy: So in the next few hours, Wendy demonstrates her sky-high IQ, Linda brags about having pranks for the two boys as well, and within days it's all planned out. The two even manage to nab a few pairs of Linda's underwear. So they have it all planned out, they've got the old prank book re-written, and.............
Nancy/Jam: WELL?
Tommy: *drops the fic and whines* The fic's not finished!
Nancy/Jam: WHAAAAAAAAT?!?
Me: Suck!!!
Tommy: Watch your mouth.
Linda: *comes back all beaten up* I think my left eye's gone.
Nancy: That just painted a graphic image.
Me: Which we no longer need to complete. Until next time, muchachos!
P.S. I didn't create Homestarrunner.com. The two guys and the girl who did.......did.
---------------
Linda: Greetings again and welcome to the eighth installment of Slash and Linda: The Fic Critics.
Slash: Yeah.
Linda: What's the matter with you?
Slash: Feeling a little under the weather.
Linda: Awww.
Slash: I sense sarcasm.
Linda: Our first fic for this part is "My Sweet Angel" By Reaper On A Mission.
Slash: Creepy.
Linda: At least it's a new author! I was looking for a new one. Anyway, this one....Slash, why don't you.
Slash: I usually do anyway. Right, now this one is a little on the psycho side. First of all, I manage to get away with calling Linda a cunt. How the heck did I get away with that, you ask?
Linda: Here's the catch. YOU WON'T!!!!! *starts beating up Slash*
Me: *covers her eyes*
(five minutes later)
Me: Is it over? *peeks through fingers*
Linda: Yep. Problem taken care of.
Slash: Ha ha ha! Trogdor strikes again!!!!
Me/Linda: ?
Tommy: I think you hit him a little too hard, Linda.
Linda: I'll say. Who the hell is Trogdor?
Slash: Set the peasants on fire!!! *tackles Linda*
Tommy: Oh great.
Me: Hey Tommy, while "Trogdor" achieves burnination, why don't you read the first fic.
Tommy: Okay. Hmmm.......where to start.......okay! Anyway, we left off where Slash called Linda a very vulgar name. After a fight on the bus, the driver gives out assigned seats. Damien gets stuck next to Linda. But he doesn't seem to mind, because they soon bond. (Hey, Linda can be pretty demonic sometimes, too.)
Linda: You want some of this too, chubbs? *holds up fist*
Tommy: No, I was just saying.......aw, who cares. Linda and Damien find out they like each other, the end, deja vu. *leaves*
Me: Well, THAT was uncalled for!
Slash: I'm way better at fic-reading than he is.
Linda: What's the next one?
Slash: "Reaper's Boredom" by Reaper on a Mission.
Linda: Cool! Another one by her. What's this one about?
Slash: Well, it deals with us Snowboard Kids, Tommy eating the burnt remains of a Pikachu, the human Pokemon characters dangling over a huge bonfire at the last thread of their life, a Mew and a Mewtwo with a mother/son relationship, me cussing at the top of my lungs and so on and so forth! Insanity ensues, and at the end, quote from Reaper; "ASH DIES!!!"
Linda: Cruel, but Atlus was the one who threatened to turn the company into a Pokemon producer.
Slash: I bet this changed our minds. The bottom line is, if you hate Pokemon and you love Snowboard Kids, look no further than "Reaper's Boredom."
Linda: The third fic on our list is, "Kyle" by Kitty Cat.
Slash: I've read this one before, so I don't even have to read the fic to know what it's about.
Linda: Then tell them.
Slash: Okay. The first chapter is in Linda's POV (point - of - view). We are shocked to discover that she's pregnant. Even MORE shockingly! She's got MY KID!!! So as nine months drags on, my relationship with Linda fizzles slightly, and me and Jam are seeming to grow closer. By the time month #7 or 8 rolls around, me and Jam discover that we're head over heels in love with each other. (Also Linda comes up with the dumb idea of naming our kid "Jojo.")
Me: Hey, that was Kitty Cat's idea, not Linda's.
Slash: So? It's still stupid.
Me: Kiiiiiiittyy Caaaaaat.......
Slash: Shit.
Kitty Cat: All right. Who's the one that said "Jojo" was stupid? *pounding fist into the palm of her other hand*
Slash: That......would be me........*eep*
Kitty Cat: Linda, the father of your child is about to be beaten to a bloody pulp. Say your last respects.
Linda: *flicks Slash off*
Me: Not very respectful, but it'll do.
Kitty Cat: *gives Slash his second beating*
Me: *covers eyes again*
Linda: *sighs and picks up fic where Slash left off* At long last, one fateful night I can feel the pains coming. I'm taken to the hospital, and Slash doesn't find out 'till later. But he does get there on time, and after he gets back from wandering around trying to find the gift shop, he arrives just in time to witness the birth of our little son, Kyle Alexander Kamei. So the bottom line for this one is, if you're one of those people who thinks birth is kinda gross (even when there's no detail involved) scoot away, but if you're a fan of me and Slash being together you might wanna read this one.
Slash: I'm gonna cry.....
Linda: I didn't know you were touched by such maternal subjects.
Slash: No, it's just that I think Kitty Cat broke my ribs......*sniff sniff*
Linda: *practically flies into a rage* SO YOU FEEL NO LOVE FOR OUR NEWBORN SON BUT YOU CRY WHEN YOUR OWN ASS GETS WHUPPED?!?!?!?
Me: Oh no. By now, Slash is gonna wind up in the emergency room.
*For the third time, Slash is pummeled*
Tommy: Technically, he said his ribs were broke, so it wasn't his ass that got whupped, it was his ribs.
Me: You always were good at logic, weren't you?
Tommy: *beams* Yup!
Linda: *dusts off hands* So what's the fourth fic for the day, Kitty Kuehnemund?
Me: Ehhhhh....."The Christmas of Terror with the Snowboard Kids" by Angewomon 2000.
Slash: *unconscious*
Linda: Since little Slashie is feeling even THREE TIMES MORE under the weather, I'll do this summary. This "Chrismas of Terror" ensues with our crazy creators, Atlus, sending us to yet ANOTHER CREEPY MANSION for the holidays! What, do we no longer get to enjoy a nice holiday AT HOME?!? Well anyway, after Yuffie the psycho walks right into the haunted place and plenty of facefaults and Materia discussion is shared, we hear a chainsaw and half of us scream bloody murder. After trying to convince Natalie that there's NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS, it doesn't work of course. Slash, being the scatterbrain he is, opens the door after someone knocks on it and tells everyone it's a freak show with a chainsaw. We run for our lives, being pursued by this modern day Jason Voorhees, until the authoress pans over to the opposite side of the mansion where three other Kids are. They don't seem affected by the chainsaw-wielding maniac, but instead stroll quietly through the mansion like all's well. Eventually, the chainsaw dude gets blown up by "Self-Destruct Materia" and we all get to go back home for Christmas.
Slash: The.......bottom line...........ouch.
Linda: You couldn't have said it better!
Tommy: Don't make him talk, he's in obvious pain.
Linda: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURT TO HAVE KYLE?!?
Tommy: Uh, Linda, that never happened. That was just a fanfic.
Linda: *blink blink*..............Oh yeah! Hee hee! *gets all ditzy and blonde-like*
(Everyone sweatdrops and falls over anime-style)
Slash: So.....you beat me up for NOTHING?!?
Linda: I guess so! Ha ha ha!
Slash: Well guess what? You've just inspired me to let YOU feel just how painful it was to be PUNCHED TO OBLIVION!!! *attacks Linda*
Jam: Hey! Didn't yo mama ever tell ya not to hit girls?
Tommy: He's got a point.
Slash: GENDER DISCRIMINATION NO LONGER MATTERS!!! *continues pummeling*
Nancy: Since when is he so articulate?
Me: Who knows. On to the last fic of the chapter.
Nancy: Which would be, "Slash and Jam's Revenge" By BlondePunka08. Her pen name changes all the time, though, so if there's a different one when you read this fic I can't say I didn't warn ya.
Jam: Good thinking.
Tommy: Maybe WE should host this show from now on!
Jam: Yeah really! What's the fic about, Nancy?
Nancy: Well, Linda's being a brat, especially towards Slash and Jam. But they already have an ace up their sleeve.......the ultimate prank book! The volume of Jackass-related stunts includes............
-Put crap in a paper bag and leave it open. Put it on someone's doorstep. Set it on fire, ring the doorbell, and run.
-While someone's in a portapotty, run at it and push it over.
-While someone's in a portapotty, back up a truck at the door. Remove it that evening.
-Leave a water balloon under someone's mat, ring the doorbell, and run.
Jam: Nasty.
Tommy: Really. So what do they plan to do with these pranks? They're gonna use them on Linda, but none of them really apply to someone like her. Soooo, they invent ones like, "Board down the slope with Linda's panties on your head" and stuff like that.
Jam: I must have invented THAT one. I always think of the ones that embarass people.
Nancy: So they make an entire list of all the pranks ever invented........and they plan to use them ALL on poor defenseless Linda!!!
Tommy: So in the next few hours, Wendy demonstrates her sky-high IQ, Linda brags about having pranks for the two boys as well, and within days it's all planned out. The two even manage to nab a few pairs of Linda's underwear. So they have it all planned out, they've got the old prank book re-written, and.............
Nancy/Jam: WELL?
Tommy: *drops the fic and whines* The fic's not finished!
Nancy/Jam: WHAAAAAAAAT?!?
Me: Suck!!!
Tommy: Watch your mouth.
Linda: *comes back all beaten up* I think my left eye's gone.
Nancy: That just painted a graphic image.
Me: Which we no longer need to complete. Until next time, muchachos!