When The Light Returned: Chapter Seven, by Phoenix Pinion
Disclaimer – I do not own Kingdom Hearts. All that I own is the story idea. Please don't sue
The Hibiscus flower is very lovely. The color of its petals can range from white to dark blue, with any color or combination of colors in between; there are five round petals to a flower, arranged around its center in radial symmetry similar to a starfish. It had been the first flower that Aerith had ever received, as a final gift from her mother. Her gift had had petals that were colored not unlike a fiery red and orange sunset, with a sunny yellow streak across the edges that perfectly complemented the bloom. With painstaking care, and eyes wide with wonder and awe, Aerith had planted it, and immediately had fallen in love with flowers, growing, and life itself.
The fact that this tiny blossom had turned her life in such a positive direction made it Aerith's favorite plant of all. Many years back in time, when she had still lived with her true mother, she had received an encyclopedia completely devoted to flora; from the largest of magnificent trees to the tiniest, most pitiful weed, all things growing were covered in it. And little Aerith, too young to even read, had gazed with fascination at the lushly colored paintings of exotic flowers, staring for hours and analyzing every tiny detail of one before slowly turning a page to the next. Having never left the dark and dreary slums of Sector 7, she had never seen any real foliage in her life (nothing more than the meager portions of vegetables on her dinner plate at night), and was absolutely enthralled in the glamorous world she could escape to simply by opening the book. When she learned to read, she looked at the book all the more often, now hungrily devouring the endless pools of knowledge that were contained within it, the pools that were in her grasp at last. Within weeks she had read the book from cover to cover and knew more about growing flowers than a gardener themselves would – and the flowers she produced with that knowledge showed it.
After her world had been destroyed, Aerith had only managed to save one of her flowers from the beautiful garden that she had planted: a small, plain-looking purple Hibiscus. Grimly shielding the tiny blossom from the elements, clutching it lightly with a palmful of soil, she made her way to Traverse Town. Having already realized that it was most likely the only connection to her world that she had left, she made it even more of a priority to watch over the tiny plant's health as she searched for a world to stop in. When she finally reached Traverse Town, however, no one had even heard of a Hibiscus, let alone had tools for gardening; the looks that she had received were the blankest, most glassy-eyed stares that she had gotten since she was a Flower Girl back in the slums. However, it was said that Aerith could come up with a solution to everything, and once again the determined girl pulled through: the bloom was soon displayed on a windowsill, sucking up as much artificial light as it could, inside of a small drinking cup the girl had bought at the General Store. Soil that she had painstakingly scooped from the cracks of each cobblestone nestled it snugly inside of its new home. Every day, she carefully watered it with her own drinking supply, and soon her hard work had paid off…
That tiny Hibiscus had evolved in the large garden that was now growing in Aerith's room, the garden that she was sitting in the midst of. Her room was more of an arboretum than a bedroom, devoted to her flowers and not as much to her comfort; hundreds of plants were lined up on neat rows on her floor, twining, vine-like, up her wall. She kept small pots housing tiny buds that had not yet bloomed yet on her dresser. Her small bed also had vines of flowers growing steadily up her bedposts. All in all, her room simply exploded with the wonderful colors and aromatic scents of her flowers. After all, her room was the only place in Hollow Bastion that was suitable for housing flowers, so she crammed as many of them as she could into her small space. Somehow, she felt uncomfortable when not in the presence of her blossoms, most likely because they reminded her so much of the home she could not let go of, of her destroyed world…of Cloud.
Gloomily, Aerith shifted position a bit until she was cross-legged. Tired and confused eyes of hers slowly wondered over her flowers, her pride and joy, her comfort. Whenever she needed to think, she either accompanied Yuffie to stargaze and discuss the matter, or sat in her room amidst her flowers, finding their calming and comforting effect always able to help her. For once, however, they were not assisting her at all in her pondering and decision-making. After almost four hours of confused, wandering, and almost panicked thoughts, Aerith was no further along than she had been four hours before.
She wanted to talk to someone, anyone that would listen – that would be the best solution for her to figure out what was right and what was wrong - but she knew that was out of the question at the moment. After the fiasco in the library (she shook her head in bewilderment simply thinking about it), everyone was alienated from her for their own separate reasons: Leon no longer seemed to know what was right and what was wrong anymore, and Aerith could understand why. Cloud seemed more hurt than confused, as he quickly had retreated from the library to do thought of his own. Yuffie was simply enraged at Aerith for "leading everyone on", for saying one thing and possibly meaning another. Aerith was even a bit angry with herself for this reason; did her mind say "Leon" for fear of her saying something that her heart would eventually regret? …Or was it the other way around? Nothing about love made sense anymore; all logic had been thrown out the window, and anything she tried to ponder simply proved to further confuse and upset her.
It still was unknown to her why she said Leon's name instead of Cloud's. While Yuffie had yelled at her, Aerith had rehearsed her planned speech in her head. It was supposed to sound like this: "Cloud and I are in an important stage of our lives right now! Why don't you two accept the truth and support us? We all know that Cloud loves me, and that I love Cloud. Leon…I must say that I only love you as a friend. A friend I never want to lose, of course…but nothing more than a friend." And she had felt that way about Leon – he was a good friend, an absolutely wonderful friend, but her feelings did not extend any farther than that. Now, however, she was not sure at all. How did she feel about Leon? No amount of thought could yet yield an answer for her…
After all, she loved Cloud. It was Cloud who had risked his life several times on her behalf, Cloud who had quested throughout every type of world imaginable searching for her, Cloud who had literally been to Hell and back for her…of course she loved him. How could she not love him when he showed such utter devotion and love to her? In her mind's eye she pictured the scars he had quietly shown her, with his green eyes shining with unshed tears as he thought of close he had been to dying, and she saw her shaking fingers tracing them lightly. Beginning to tremble, Aerith shut her large brown eyes. Without thinking, her hand slowly arose to her throat as a wont she had developed, and she gently closed her hand around the pendant that she always wore around her neck.Leon gave that pendant to you, a tiny whisper of her mind suddenly told her. Aerith jolted. He told you not to wear it if you did not love him…remember? …Remember?
FLASHBACK
It was another starry night, cool and dark, in Hollow Bastion. Aerith walked briskly down the hallways, feeling warm and cheerful after a nice dinner with Yuffie and Leon. After they had cleaned up, Leon had invited her to watch the stars and talk for a few hours, and she had gladly accepted his offer. She felt a little shiver of happiness wrack her frame as she stepped outside, feeling her bare toes settle on the warm ground; she had had a wonderful day, and she was expected it to get even better as she walked towards Leon, who was already seated at the usual star-watching spot.
"Hey, you came," Leon smiled at her as she sat next to him, eyes seeming to light up just at the sight of her. Aerith gave one of her dazzling smiles to him and took a seat beside him. She tensed for just a moment as his arm slipped around her waist, but then gave in and relaxed into his warm embrace.
It was a very pleasant, relaxing night for Aerith. In the cuddle of one of her best friend's arms, she sat and idly chatted away with him about hardly anything at all: the stars, constellations, and small trivialities in their lives at the moment; neither felt awkward or depressed, and they talked about whatever was on their mind.
Soon, there began to be a lull in their quiet conversation as fatigue began to show up in their minds. Quietly, Aerith yawned and snuggled a bit closer to Leon, beginning to close her eyes and rest; she had to admit that she did feel very comfortable and fulfilled within his grasp. As if nothing could hurt her, almost. As if Leon would protect her no matter what. It was a very pleasant feeling; it almost reminded her of Cloud.
"Aerith," Leon whispered, and she jolted, realizing she had started to doze off. "Aerith, I need to show you something." His voice sounded calm and cool, like he had rehearsed saying that in exactly the right way, or like he had wanted to say it for a long time and had not had the courage to. The arm that had held her gently let her loose so that he could grab something in the pocket of his coat, and when he showed her what it was…
"Oh, Leon," Aerith gasped, putting a hand over her mouth in shock. It was a beautiful green pendant, held in place by a silky smooth black ribbon. The pendant was very large, about half the size of her palm, and the most gorgeous color of emerald green that had ever graced her vision. "Is it…yours?"
"It was my mother's," Leon whispered, handing it over to her wondering hands for inspection as he continued. "She wore it all the time. I'm not sure where she got it; from my father, maybe. She gave it to me, before she died, and I always carried it in my pocket to remind me of her. It was the only thing I was able to salvage when my world was destroyed."
"It's…beautiful!" Aerith gasped, still in shock over its brilliantly lustrous jade color. It almost seemed to glow in her hands.
"It's yours." Leon whispered.
There was a moment of shocked silence as Aerith struggled to digest what he had said. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was open as she turned to him. "…This? Mine?" she finally blurted. "Oh no, Leon, I can't…it was your mother's…it's yours…I…"
"There's nothing I can do with it anymore," Leon whispered. "If it stays in my pocket much longer without anyone wearing it, it will lose its beauty. And I cannot wear it. I think it will look beautiful on you. But…" he hesitated for a moment. "I…I only want you to wear it on one condition. I…only want you to wear it if you love me." He took a deep breath before he continued. "No matter what, it's yours. But if you don't love me, then please don't wear it…set it on your dresser, pack it up with other belongings, but don't wear it…" he trailed off, a blush burning his face, obviously thinking that he had made a selfish request. Aerith stared for a moment, trying to figure out what he was trying to prove to himself by doing this. Then, without thinking, more on a whim than anything else, she gently clasped the pendant around her neck…
END FLASHBACK
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought of that night between her and Leon. It was before he had ever told him that he loved her, and yet she had done something like that. It had seemed such a natural thing to do, to fasten that pendant around her neck; she had not even been thinking of love when she had done it. Why? Why did I do that? Was I selfishly pursuing my own desires, or did I want Leon to be happy even if it was all a lie? Or…
Or did I really love him?
Love had been such a petty thing for her back then. She did not particularly believe in it, or maybe she just did not believe that it could happen to her. After her death, and then Cloud's disappearance, she felt a tiny amount of bitterness, though it was so small that even she hardly knew it was there; it could have also been fear, fear that if she opened up and loved someone again, something would happen like it had with Cloud, and her love would be cruelly taken away from her. She was perhaps trying to justify how she had let herself get so close to Leon when she had put on the pendant. I love him, she remembered thinking, and I love him as a friend. I don't love anyone as more than that…only someone that I will never see again. That had been her justification, she remembered. But had her love as a friend for Leon ever grown into something…more?
Idly, without thinking, she gently skimmed her fingers over the nearest flower to her. Her fingers danced across one silky smooth, light blue petal, and she whispered, "He loves me…" but the moment the quietly mumbled words left her lips she realized how foolishly wrong they sounded, and she amended, "I love him…"
Her fingers slid to another petal. "I love him not…"
Now her thumb traced the curve of the next petal. "I love him…"
The fourth petal she lightly tapped as she whispered, "I love him not…"
"I love him." The final petal lightly yielded to her long, thin fingers. A sudden panicky, despairing laugh bubbled up inside of her. Yes, I do love him, she thought sadly. But which one do I love?
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." –Friedrich Nietzsche
~To Be Continued
Author's Notes – Wow…this chapter is long. By far the longest chapter in this story so far. I haven't written for so long that when I finally did sit down and start typing, idea after idea started to rush into my head…I just couldn't stop until I had them all written down in a fairly logical sequence. Which is basically what this chapter is. I'm not exactly sure if I'm proud of it or not…it's very, very long, slightly boring, and covers many different topics all in one chapter. It's also not exactly what I would call "well-written", either. Oh well.
And about Aerith in this chapter: I have always envisioned her to be this way. You know, she'd be just the type of person who would plant flowers in her room. I don't think that she is obsessed with flowers; I just think that they are there to comfort her and to remind her of her life back in the slums. Maybe I made her seem slightly obsessed, but that is just the way I see her. And at the end of this chapter, when she is playing the age-old "he loves me, he loves me not" type game, I did not have her rip the petals out as that would kill one of her flowers. And she would never purposefully kill one of her flowers like that. ^_^ And one more thing: the Hibiscus flower is my favorite type of flower. Hence the references all throughout the chapter to it. ^_^
And I would like to apologize my brains out for taking almost six months (six months! Can you believe it?? ^o^ ) to update. My schoolteachers this year are very homework-oriented, so I'm always working on that. I do like to think I have a social life, and since more than half of my friends next year are leaving for college, I'd like to see them as much as possible. I just haven't had much time completely to myself lately to sit down, focus completely on a subject, and write about it. Hence this chapter…I would like to call it a creative outlet of all of the wandering ideas I've had in my head lately. ^_~ If you do not like this chapter and would like me to replace it, please, please review me and say so. If I get enough people telling me it was crap and to take it away immediately, I will. ^_^ And I will rewrite another chapter in its place.
So, thank you for reading this and (hopefully) for reviewing, too. If you guys have any questions, you can email me at Phoenix_Pinion51@yahoo.com. Thanks, y'all! See you at the next update. (and I will try to shorten my Author's Notes at the end of the next one too ^_^ ) ~PP