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Linda: Hello again, everyone, we're back from our indefinite hiatus. It seems too many people were getting beaten up and injured, so we had to cancel the fic until we got the contract settled with the authoress.
Slash: In short, violence sells on TV, but not in fanfiction.
Linda: (blinks) VERY well put, Slash. Something tells me you've grown up a bit since we last started doing this.
Slash: I have a belly button.
Linda: ...I stand corrected. Anyway, another notice here. Things have changed at since the fic was put on hold, so the order of the fanfics posted has changed a bit. Because some fanfics since then have been removed, we are going to progress to "The Clash of the Anime and Video Game Characters" by Angewomon 2000.
Slash: This should be good. Can I do it?
Linda: You usually always do, remember?
Slash: ... ... ...wait, what?
Linda: READ. (gives him the fanfic)
Slash: (grumbles something about Linda being a "poopyhead")...uh, anyway, we find our heroes driving down the highway with Damien and Sinobin snowboarding behind us. ...Wait, why aren't THEY driving?
Damien: I'm a speed demon. (drumroll, cymbal clash)
Sinobin: (sweatdrop) Ninjas don't look good behind the wheel.
Slash: Oh. So after getting lost (thanks to Tommy holding the map upside down), we pan over to a nearby convention hall, where the cast of Pokemon, Sailor Moon and Super Mario are bickering and slandering each other.
Linda: Where the hell are they, on the set of Jerry Springer?
Slash: ...no, they're in a convention hall. (sweatdrop)
Linda: Oh. You already said that, didn't you?
Slash: Afraid so.
Linda: Sorry, I'm not all there today. Go on.
Slash: So we drive the car through the convention waiting room, where all the other characters have gathered to participate in the Anime and Game Convention. When we get there, it seems as though we'll actually make peace with the characters who are already THERE, but instead a few other harsh words are exchanged and a huge fight the size of North Carolina ensues. Nancy somehow acquires Digimon "Crest of Friendship" powers and burns down the entire convention hall, forcing them to cancel the event. After having our picture taken, we learn that Ash is a girl trapped in a boy's body, Sailor Uranus is NOT the cause of all earthquakes, and that insulting Luigi's hat earns you a one-way ticket to pain.
Linda: In a nutshell, if Super Smash Bros. Melee wasn't enough for you, then this fanfic might help to put a smile on your face. Or make it bigger.
Slash: (sings "The Ultimate Showdown") This is the ultimate shooowdoooown! Bad guys, good guys and explosions, as far as the eye can see-
Linda: Slash, this isn't American Idol. Get with the program.
Slash: Buttmunch.
Linda: Anyway! Next fiiiic...(shuffles through papers) A-ha. It's "Halloween", by Kitty Cat. (reads the summary, then her eyebrow starts to twitch)
Slash: Uh-oh. Houston, we have a yaoi fic.
Linda: (sigh) Slash, if you will? (hands the papers to him)
Slash: Why do I always have to read the stories about me having gay sex?
Me: FINE, if neither of you will do your job, then I will! takes the fanfic from Slash Anyways, while he's out shopping for stuff for a Halloween party, Slash meets this really hot guy named Chris. Over the course of the next few days (Halloween weekend) they establish a bit of a relationship, all the while dealing with rumors that a vampire has been attacking dozens of people in town and draining their blood. Slash eventually realizes that Chris IS the serial killing vampire, and this leads to the end of their relationship when Chris is forced to leave Snow Town on suspicions that he'll be caught by the police. He gives Slash a parting gift the day before Halloween, telling him he hopes to see him again someday.
Linda: You know, that was actually pretty sweet.
Me: See, you say this every single time! We pull out a yaoi fic, you storm off, then we actually read it and you say "hmm, this isn't bad".
Linda: (sweatdrop) And why isn't Slash being criticized for not wanting to read it!
Slash: (grins dopily) I'm a good boy.
Me: Sure you are. What's the next on the list?
Linda: It appears to be...ah yes, it's "Do-A-Wo" by Spellbound.
Tommy: Oh $#&, I remember this one.
Slash: Oh! Oh! Me too! I know it by heart!
Linda: Then do your job, Quills.
Slash: Grr. Anyhow, I'm having a big party at my house-
Tommy: It's at MY house.
Linda: I thought you said you had this memorized!
Slash: I DO! I JUST FORGOT ONE PART, OKAY?
Linda: You'd better not forget anything else or I'll whack you so hard you'll forget who YOU are.
Slash: Anyway, we're having a big party at (screams at Linda) TOMMY'S HOUSE!...
Linda: (pained look on her face) ...
Slash: ...and once I get there, the other guys tell me they need my help. It appears that they
are unable to understand Tommy's incoherent mumbling, and need me to play the role of translator.
Not doing a very good job, I just make crap up and it eventually leads to Tommy's (literal)
downfall when I translate a bunch of "doos" and "doo-wo-e-ohs" into "I want my board painted pink,
broken, and I want to be shoved off Death Peak". The end result is Tommy having a very UNhappy
birthday.
Linda: My two cents? If you've always wondered how on earth we kids understand our big-guy-in-
green's muffled muttering, here's the thing; we actually DON'T! (chuckles) This bizarre little
ficlet based on just that is sure to get you snickering.
Slash: Oo Don't say that!
Linda: ...say what?
Slash: (grabs Linda by her shirt collar) Don't you know what 'snickering' IS?
Linda: Yeah, it's-
Slash: NO! It's a slang term they use in jail for throwing crap at people!
Linda: (miffed) Well, I'm SURE the readers know that THAT'S not what I'm talking about, unless they're imagining me as a filthy zoo monkey.
Slash: Hahahaha, Linda the poo-throwing-monkey.
Linda: For pete's sake, Slash, grow a freaking brain!
Slash: I reject your reality and insert my own!
Linda: ... ... ... ooooo-kay. So! Our next fanfic on the list is "You Know That If You Were A Video Game..." by Angewomon 2000.
Slash: She's got a crapload of fics, doesn't she?
Linda: Of course, but it appears she's done something a bit different this time. She's compiled a list of things that indicate how much of a hardcore Snowboard Kids fan you are.
Slash: Oh! Oh! Like Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck" thing?
Linda: Yeah, kinda like that!
Slash: (changes his voice to a Southern drawl) If any a' yorr relatives ever died raght after sayin' "hey, watch THIS", yew maght be a redneck!
Linda: Slash, that sounds like something one of YOUR relatives would do.
Slash: You make it sound like my entire family tree is dumb.
Linda: And not just you? (sticks her tounge out)
Slash: ...read the stupid fic, please.
Linda: Moving right along...in a nutshell, it's a big long list of some of the indicators of a big SBK fan. These include:
You own all of the games ever released;
You've created your own Snowboard Kids character, complete with age, stats and everything;
You write SBK fanfiction and draw SBK fanart;
You bought a snowboard but you can't ride one for crap;
Linda: ...and many, MANY others. The list is HUGE; I suggest reading it for yourself because it's a doozy!
Slash: Holy cow. There must be like, 50 different things on that list. (grins) We have hardcore fans!
Linda: And one is the creator of this whole project. (gestures to the authoress)
Me: Hehe. Hey. (waves to readers)
Slash: So what's the last one on the list for today?
Linda: Ah yes, our finisher for this chapter is... "Counting Snowboard Kids" by Angewomon 2000!
Slash: Another one.
Linda: Yup. In this short little fic, Angewomon herself is suffering from a bout of insomnia, and attempts to count Snowboard Kids instead of sheep. So us Snowboard Kids are hopping over the fence, la-da-da-da-da...but then she finds fault with the way we're jumping over, or one of us falls down and she has to start over, etcetera etcetera. So, she's having a tough time falling asleep AND with her method of achieving sleep.
Slash: In sum, sleepless nights are caused by too much thinking. And it's true, too!
Linda: Regarding the fic, though, it's cute and it's short, and it's got quite a little novel idea. Give it a read if you want something sugar-infested.
Slash: (wide eyes) Oo Sugar? Where? NEED SUGAR! (starts running around the stage spouting random gibberish)
Linda: Oh crap. We've created a monster.
Slash: (grins) MONSTER DRINKS! GIMME ONE, GIMME ONE, GIMME GIMME GIMME!
Linda: (sweatdrop) "Gimme gimme never gets", Slash. Well, folks, until next time, don't touch that remote, unless you will actually find something that's even more random than this show. Or fic.
Slash: NYA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!