When the Light Returned, Chapter Ten

Disclaimer – I own nothing except the story idea, don't sue please.

I can still remember exactly how I felt when she was first taken from me. That day was cold, dark, and a bitterness seemed to hang in the air from the start. I knew something was wrong before I ever stumbled upon her, kneeling, praying for our safety and for Sephiroth's leave from the hurting world. Something just felt… not right. I still can't explain it, and it's been so long…

You can't explain anything. Why bother?

When I walked into that area and saw her, dread suddenly tugged at my heart. A split second before it happened, I knew. Oh God, my mind screamed, save her! Don't let it happen!

By the time it said that, though, it was too late. He swooped in, seemingly from nowhere, his sword slipped cleanly into her stomach and through her back, and as he pulled it out again I felt my heart spasm for the last time just as hers did.

Since the moment I let her go into the water and watched her body slowly sink to the bottom, let her final resting place be in the area she held so dear, I haven't felt alive. I know that my heart is beating and that my mind is working and I can move my limbs. But my soul, my light, is dead.

And without that, how can someone truly be alive?

I don't see how you whine so much when you know you could have stopped it, my mind says scornfully. Ruefully, I nod to myself, stare at my hands. Yes, I could have done something. But…She's alive now. Somehow, there was a loophole, our world being destroyed set about some chain of events, and she was resurrected. Somehow, it's ok that I wasn't fast enough.

But is it? My mind chortles at me. Looks like while you were taking your time gallivanting around the universe, she found another guy. What was his name again? Oh yeah, Leon. Looks like you've been replaced.

Replaced. With a small cry, I grab my head, shaking it, denying that word. No, I can't have been replaced. If it wasn't for Aerith, I would have died so many times while searching for her. I would have killed myself, or Hades would have killed me, or I simply would have let myself die somewhere along the way. After all, life just isn't worth living without her…

Obviously, seems she can live without you!

Now I whimper and draw my knees up close to my face. "No…it's not true…it's not true…" I only whisper, but my words cut through the library like a knife. If she were truly in love with another man, then I would have no happiness. My life would go back to the same shade of gray it was before I realized she was alive, and I would have no reason to live.

I was so happy when I first laid eyes on her, saw her radiant eyes and lovely figure and joyful smile. After almost an entire year of dangerous encounters, countless false leads, and near death experiences, I was starting to lose hope. I thought that maybe my vision and dreams had all been my mind calling out in grief, and that maybe she wasn't alive after all; maybe I should just give up and die already. It wasn't until I met one man by chance that I happened to find a real lead.

FLASHBACK

"One tent? That will be 100 munny." The shopkeeper peered at the bedraggled man before her and immediately felt pity for the poor soul. His eyes seemed to tell story after story of sorrow and loss, and his lean frame and torn clothes showed his misfortune in the world. Staring at her with his eyes and frowning a little through the torn scarf that almost covered his mouth, he reached to his side and dug in a small pouch hanging at his waist. Then, abruptly, he turned and started walking away. She saw a slight limp in his right leg and wondered what could have happened as she called, "What's wrong? Did you decide that you didn't want it?"

The youth stopped, hesitated a moment, and quietly replied, "I don't have enough munny." As he slowly continued to walk away, the woman felt helpless tears gathering at her eyelids. He needed that tent, obviously, because he seemed to be on his last legs. Who knows how long he had been traveling without food, tents, or even water? Her kind instincts suddenly took over, and, running out of her booth, she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Wha…?" Turning, Cloud suddenly felt a package of folded material and two potions shoved into his hands. The woman smiled tearfully up at him.

"Please, take it," she smiled. "It's on the house."

Glancing from the items in his arms to the woman several times, Cloud finally managed to get his mouth to work, and he mumbled, "Thank you…" before turning and leaving the beaming, satisfied woman. As he walked, however, slowly sipping one of the potions and savoring the vitality returning to his worn out limbs, he suddenly heard a chuckle close behind him. A strange-looking man with a red cloak concealing his body and bandages wrapped securely around his head laughed into his hand, and Cloud felt his anger flare. "What's so funny?" he asked quietly, hiding his anger from his voice with an effort.

"You," the stranger smiled. "It seems we both are quite unfortunate, down on our luck…and looking for someone."

Narrowing his eyes, Cloud tried to keep his voice calm as he spoke, but this time it was shock instead of anger. "I…How did you know?"

Again, the stranger's rich laugh ripped through the air. He moved a bit closer to Cloud as he replied, "You look half-dead and yet you have such determination in your eyes. You probably would have let yourself die by now if you weren't searching for someone."

My light… Cloud averted his gaze, looking sorrowfully at the ground, and finished off the rest of the potion. This man was smart, and perhaps he could help. "Aerith…" His fingers unconsciously tightened on the empty bottle as he mumbled her name. Oh God, he wanted to see her so badly… "I've been searching for months…"

He looked up to see the man thoughtfully drumming his fingers on his chin. His odd, vibrant orange eyes latched onto Cloud's wandering, anguished orbs, and recognition suddenly dawned in the man's eyes.

"Aerith…" he mused. "Once, when I ruled over a peaceful world, I knew a woman named Aerith. She always wore a pink dress with boots, and she had long brown hair, and she loved to grow flowers…"

"Oh God, that's her," Cloud cried, suddenly letting his pent-up emotions loose. "You've seen her, you're the first who has, is she alive? Is she alright? Where is she?" Again, the man chuckled.

"I don't know if she's alive. I've been…away from my world for quite some time now. I also cannot answer whether she is alright. But, I can tell you where to look for her, if she is both of those things."

Cloud felt himself suddenly begin to tremble all over, and he grabbed a nearby wall for support. Aerith…it was true, she was really alive. All of those tortured months of searching were not in vain. They all led to this moment, this one instant in time that allowed him to meet this mysterious man who actually knew Aerith. His voice felt hoarse and strained as he whispered with difficulty, "Where…where is she?"

END FLASHBACK

That mysterious man, who I later learned to be named DiZ, only asked for my remaining potion in exchange for his priceless information to me. I still don't understand his motive in the first place for approaching me and talking to me, but I do know that he was the one who led me to my light. After gaining that knowledge, it was still a grueling and arduous journey to finally make it here, to Hollow Bastion. But I did, and Aerith was there (with Leon, my mind nastily interjects), and the one moment it was just us, embracing in the library and uncaring of what the two other people in the room thought, I was truly happy.

Now, however, I just feel the same way I used to – cold, numb, and bleak. Because, well, it just wasn't supposed to be this way! I was supposed to come into this place, be welcomed with joy and open arms…with Aerith's love…

Obviously you didn't think about the fact that life goes on while you were out there "searching". Why am I not surprised that you're an idiot on yet another front?

Maybe I was an idiot. Maybe I shouldn't have even bothered to risk my life numerous times in order to see a woman who doesn't really love me anyway. At that thought, I feel tears tugging at my eyelids, tears that I haven't shed since that one fateful night, so many months ago, that I attempted suicide. I went through so much to find you, Aerith…why don't you seem to care?

It must be meant to be this way. Obviously, happiness is just not within my grasp. I felt the first stirrings of happiness with Aerith on my home world, then Sephiroth, in one terrifying and horrible moment, took it all away from me. Barely stumbling through each day, waking up with tears in my eyes from nightmares each night, I realized my happiness was gone. At the time, I thought that defeating Sephiroth and obtaining revenge over his numerous heinous crimes would give me my happiness back, or at least a semblance of it. The only thing I truly stayed alive for was the feeling of happiness that would presumably return to me after Sephiroth was gone.

It didn't.

Realizing I had even less to live for after my false quest had proved a failure, I was then plucked from my world as I watched my friends and comrades around me die, watched them be ripped to pieces by the heartless as they ravaged our world. To this day, I still wonder why the gods of fate decided to spare me, me out of all the other people who could have survived that attack. Why did they decide to take me from the world, deposit me onto a small, forested path to Traverse Town? Why was I so special?

You're not special, my mind laughs nastily. It was probably a fluke.

Fluke or not, after meeting the kindly innkeeper at Traverse Town, I thought my purpose was clear. I had been saved so that I could find Aerith; it was as simple as that. Though I knew it would be difficult to find her, but I was prepared for the challenge. I journeyed to every world I was near, asking everyone in vain if they had met Aerith. A few people tricked me, Hades being a notable example, into doing something that would harm others, all in the name of finding her.

And, now that I'm here and that I've finally found her, I've realized that she might not have wanted to be found.

Unexpectedly, I look down to see that my hands are trembling. All that hardship and heartache for nothing? They seem to ask me this question through the shaking, and anger rushes through me.

It's time to end this. I need to know whom Aerith wants to be with. Was my search futile, or is it still possible to be with her? No more dodging around the questions; I have to see Aerith now and get the answers I need so badly.

With one more sigh, bracing myself for disappointment and more unhappiness, I lift myself up and stride purposefully out of the library to meet with –

"Oh!" Startled, I look down to see that I have bumped into the very person I was looking for. Her beautiful eyes look red-rimmed from crying, and a pout is on her face. Suddenly, more than anything, I just want to make her happy, hold her in my arms and make sure she never has to cry again. Looking up at me, I watch as she starts to lightly tremble. "Aerith…I was about to go find you…"

She squirms a bit at my words, then shakily takes a hand in mine. I realize that I am shaky as well, and as I look at her tearful, averted gaze, I wonder if I really want to know what she has to say…

"Cloud, I have to tell you something…"

To be continued

Author's Notes – I won't lie, I almost didn't want to finish this story. I mean, it's been two years. I should just let it die already, right? I was close to just putting up a chapter finally saying, it's over. Email me if you want to know how I was planning to end it. But…I had a change of heart at the last second. I know anyone who was interested in this story no longer cares. I know it's been too long. But, in case someone stumbles across it in the archives and wants to know how it ends, or if there is an old fan who still checks back every once in a while, here's another chapter. The chapter after this will be short, because I know what to write, and sadly enough, I've had this planned out since 2004. I just never got around to writing it. The next chapter is finished, and I'm going to post it tomorrow no matter what happens with this one. The chapter after that I'm going to write tomorrow, and I'm not lying this time. I'm tired of not updating. If you actually read this chapter, hope you enjoyed it…PP