Alchemy, Officers, and Contests

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, I wouldn't say so. I do own me, but not any Special Guests. So there. I also don't own any doujinshi. Unless you count the ones I made. I do own those.

Special Guest: Someone I know in real life. She's my best friend. She hates Envy. Sometimes she says she hates Roy, but only to have me make her take it back by threatening her with meaningless words. (ex. I WON'T RECORD FmA FOR YOU NO MORE!) Then laugh evilly.

Episode EIGHTEEN

The Day Falman Lost His Mind

Normal in Eastern HQ wasn't really normal to the really normal, normal people. No, the normal in Eastern HQ was more, you know, not so normal.

There would be the talk of miniskirts, an officer with glasses who foamed at the mouth, a guy screaming whenever a dog came near him, a man who kept burning himself with his cigarette, a young woman shooting at the men at their feet to, not only have them work, but dance themselves to death, a boy becoming an assassin at sometimes after drinking milk, a photo happy man, and a sparkle happy, pecs flexing major.

But one officer, Vato Falman, was one of those normal, normal people. Although, sometimes he'd bring up a dictionary definition sometimes, he tries to stay out of the way.

Unless you count bets, but that's a change of subject.

One day, the man lost his mind. No one knows if it was from something in his coffee, or he's gone mad from just being different than his fellow officers. . . . .

Falman had just finished reading a doujinshi about the military; about him and several officers betting one what was happening between Roy and Riza in his office. (I forgot what it was called, but to anyone who wants to know, I'll check on that and let you know. (1))

Suddenly, he felt something click in the back of his mind. Like he had lost all of the precious information he had learned from all that reading dictionaries from boredom. Like a chalkboard being erased. A road full of smart people suddenly becoming dumb. You get the drift. Famlam just felt like. . . losing his mind.

He dropped his doujinshi, in which Riza saw, recognized the cover, and blew it to bits, red in the face. Falman clutched his head, and everyone watched.

"What's up with him?" Havoc asked Fury. The younger man shrugged, and continued to pound at the soda machine that was now broken for six months.

Falman let out a gasp, and looked up at everyone with blank eyes. Just. . . wiped out blank. As in, no pupils. Not only that, but he looked like Gluttony because he was slobbering all over the carpet Roy payed so much for.

(Roy: Yeah! I payed five dollars for that at a garage sale!. . .Heeeeeyyyy. . .)

The old man jumped up, and jumped out the window, being the first person ever, to dodge the cars with no problem at all.

Meanwhile. . . . .

"Hey, Guys!" Envy barged into the secret hideout of the sins, that was just a picnic under a large sakura tree, with a newspaper. "looks at this article! It says that Warrant Officer Falman of Eastern HQ has gone mad, and ran away! And just several minutes ago!"

"Hmmm. . ." Lust said, studying the paper. ". . .that's amazing. . ."

"The fact that Falman has gone mad?" the palm tree head scratched the back of his head.

"No, you nincompoop!" The woman Sin yelled, smacking the homonculus with the newspaper. "the fact that the news reporters can publish the paper so quickly in just a few minutes!"

"But Lust. . ." Envy said. "this was printed yesterday. . ."

Back at Eastern HQ. . .

Remember Breda and his amazing psychic abilities? Yep. He talked to some newspaper reporter two days ago at ten P.M. at a coffee shop, where he ordered a normal coffee, and ran off without paying for it.

Back at the Sin's SECRET base. . . .

Lust and Envy watched at Falman ran around, destroying everything he could destroy, while Gluttony decided it was a good time to have gas.

Back at Falman. . . .

The man laughed in madness, as he watched a squirrel on a bus's windshield wipers go squish squish squish.' (2) Falman picked up a chainsaw and grilled cheese. He watched a banana split. A screw driver. A monkey wrench. Not only that, but he also watch a board walk, a French toast, and a pan cake. I did not get that last one, did you?

Back at Eastern HQ. . . .

Nobody really cared that Falman had left, really. Everyone just went on with their lives and acting normal.

Back at sin's SECRET base. . .

Envy and Lust decided it was a good time to run away, as Gluttony REALLY cut the cheese. And there was no cheese involved! AT ALL!

"Say, why don't we see if we can have Falman do more insane things, like. . ." Envy began.

". . .light his front on fire?" (3) Lust asked.

"Naw, how about. . .like. . ."

"Where women's clothing?"

"Now you're talking!"

But, when the two Sins made it to Falman, another person made it there first.

"You're. . ." Envy said in fear.

". . .that. . .that person. . ."

". . .whoever you are. . ." the two Sins shuddered.

"Ugh, I can't believe my best friend shoved me into this story. Not that I don't mind, but still." the figure glared over to Lust and Envy, well, mostly to Envy. She suddenly shrieked. "OHMIGOSH! IT'S LUST! she screamed. The girl shoved Envy out of the way to shake the frightened Sin's hand.

Meanwhile. . .

Falman was watching two trains crashing into each other, then bursting into a fit of laughter as it exploded.

Back at the Sins. . .

Lust killed the random girl who scared her (4), and she and Envy decided to go somewhere else to cause ultimate chaos.

Everyone eventually forgot about Falman and went to bed; either that or got drunk and had painful headaches the next morning.

(1) -checks the title- Oh. It was called Taisatyui.

(2) Oh, heh. Listen to 'The Wheels on the Bus' song, and see if the squirrel on the windshield works great for it.

(3) No, I do not watch Robot Chicken. Never have, never will. Only seen the commertial where a dude lights his crotch on fire.

(4) Oh crud, I hope she doesn't read this, lol.

Review. That's all I'm asking for. Oh, and if you're a fan of RoyEd, and you haven't read my latest fic, Hagane no Neko, I shall force. . .erm. . .ENCOURAGE you to read it. I'm sure you'll love it!