Alchemy, Officers, and Contests

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, I wouldn't say so. I do own me, but not any Special Guests. So there. I also don't own any doujinshi. Unless you count the ones I made. I do own those.

Special Guest: Jazze Al-Bhed-Girl! Me! Um... some friends of mine!

Episode NINETEEN

Attack of the Children

(or: The Stampede that ripped the world apart)

Roy sat at his desk, like in any other chapter, minding his own business.

Until IT happened. For no reason, Black Hayate let out a sound that was mixed between a monkey yodeling, and Breda singing.

The ground started to shake, and the young colonel looked up from his paperwork. The door was thrown open, and there stood Edward, his some of his clothing ripped to shreds. There were lipstick marks all over his face, and the teen was out of breath.

"Mustang. . . if you value your life as much as I do mine, you'll take my advise. . ." the wall behind Ed suddenly crashed back, and there stood four girls, eyes glowing bright red. Two of them, twins, looked bloodthirsty. The other two, looked as if they were ready to pounce on someone. ". . .Mustang. . ." Ed said. His eyes then widened as he rushed towards Roy, hand grabbing at the man's neck, throwing him out the window. "RUN!.!.!.!"

Ed jumped out afterwards.

Few seconds later. . .

"My gosh, guys. . .erm. . .gals." said a boy behind the four girls. "if you feel THAT bad about making out with them, you shouldn't look so bloodthirsty." he was silent as he saw one of the girls applying more lipstick. "erm. . .Reina, what are you doing?"

"I'm gonna practice kissing Havoc!" the girl answered, jumping on Havoc and kissing him.

"PRaCticE NUtHIn'. . ." said one of the twins. ". . . I wAnt MY EDwArD. . ." she drooled.

"AnNA. . . WhO SAiD hE wAS YOURs?" the other twin asked.

Reina stood, wiping her mouth, and a gleam in her eye. She raced out of the building.

"I'M COMING FOR YOU, RRROOOOOOOYYYY!.!.!.!.!"

"H-Hold on a minute!" Jazze, the other girl, called. She took out her chainsaw. "WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEE!.!.!.!" The twins, Amy and Anna, followed soon after, walking like bloodthirsty zombies.

"EdWArD. . ." they said in unison.

After the girls had left, the boy had stayed behind, and watched everyone recover from their shocked state.

"Ugh. . . if they do anything to the Colonel, I'm gonna. . ." Riza muttered. The boy walked over to her.

"So. . . you're not that Edward person, right?" he asked. (1)

"No, of course not." Riza answered with a disgusted look.

"You doing anything tonight?"

"Not on your life, Brat."

Wherever Ed and Roy are hiding. . .

Roy leaned up against a tree, keeping out of sight from the four strange girls.

"This is worse than the Ishbal Massacre. . ." he said.

"Ugh, tell me about it!" Edward whined, using his jacket to wipe the lipstick off his face. "I've never been there before, so the worse I can think of at the moment is Barry the Chopper."

Elsewhere. . .

Barry the Chopper paused from chopping up a random person, and sneezed.

Back at Ed and Roy. . .

The two officers heard a stampede.

"This is it. . ." Ed whispered. ". . .I know it. . ."

"Fullmetal. . . I have a confession to make. . ." Roy said.

"What?"

"Before I die. . . I just want to let you know. . ."

Ed blinked several times.

"Go on. . ."

". . .I WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE YOUR COAT FROM YOUR ROOM!"

"WHAT!.?"

Edward began yelling at the colonel, not knowing that their not-so-favorite visitors had found them.

"THERE yOu Are MY prEcIOuS. . ." Amy and Anna snickered. Jazze turned on her chainsaw with an evil grin, and Reina grabbed Roy, pinning him to the ground.

"Say, Jazze, what's the chainsaw for?" a voice asked.

"Clothing."

"But. . .!" Reina gasped. "I thought it would be easier to use our bare hands!"

"Yeah, you're right." Jazze tossed away the chainsaw, still on, which flew over to a reincarnated Basque Grand, slicing his head clear off his shoulders. People cheered.

Ed and Roy's screams of fear echoed through out East City, as the four girls laughed evilly.

I dunno what went wrong right there. Oh well, anywho, I need all of you good and kind viewers to give me ideas for the next chapter. Any ideas not used may be used for future chappies, okay? Okay. REVIEW PEOPLE!

(1) Yeah, Andrew, the boy, thought that Edward and Riza were the same person. Of course, he's never seen the show, but Riza and Ed are two completely different people! HOW CAN HE NOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE!.?