Idea © Me
StarFox and all related indica (what is indica anyway) © Nintendo
House ™ and © FOX and its related entities. All rights reserved. (Best. Show. Ever.)
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MAIL CALL
"This story is pretty funny. The only major thing you should work on is to verify who is saying what; it got confusing after a while there.
Not a bad start. Good luck!"
-OrangeKat
Well, I used to post it on NSIDER, so it waas okay to have a script formant. The speed-reading feel it gave comedy fics helped make it funnier. When coverting, dropping "who said what" and letting readers identify by personality kinda gave it that feel also.
"LMAO! I love House, but this is just great! I never thought anyone would ever do this...Thank you, keep it going! XD!"
- BaByRoSeReD
Why thank you. I'm always glad to hear that people are "Laughing their tuckuses off". Wait- if one gluteus maximus is Tuckus, shouldn't the plural be Tucki?... Maybe I should get to chapter 1.
To all readers disappointed with the Prolouge:
Sorry about the low detail. It's supposed to have a "script-y" feel. I'm rewriting…
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Chapter One: Fox is sick! O NOES!
Meet Dr. Mouse, SF. He walks in the door to Corneria Rainsburro Teaching Hospital with a cane in his right paw. Gillson, a fish that somehow breathes oxygen in gas form, walks over to him.
"So how did you get here?"
"Through osmosis."
"Say, what happened to your cane?"
"Water damage." Mouse stares at Gillson.
"What? You're not just grumpy after Racey left, are you?"
"I've just been having a little more leg pain than usual."
"Several researchers have proven that psychological pain can manifest as physical pain. "
"You think I have a conversion disorder? You want me to see a shrink, don't you?"
"Brilliant idea, sending Racey away, it's really done wonders for you. "
"Listen! None of this has anything to do with Racey. "
"Right; giant coincidence that you've gone completely off the rails since she left; inducing migraines, worsening leg pain-"
Mouse whacks him with his cane.
"Ow! My ankle!"
"Aw. You miss Racey too?"
---
Mouse continues to limp down the hall, shifting his waight mainly on his cane. Cuddy Bear comes over. Isn't she just a Cuddy Wuddy Bear?... nevermind.
"Got anything interesting? I'm bored."
"Is that all patients are to you? Entertainment?"
"Hey, it gets me through the day. That and the sweet 8-figure salary. (Cornerian credits to American dollars… it gets complicated)"
"Well I do have one, but the way you treat patients, you could harm our public image with this guy."
"But of course, you have to give him to me because noone else can figure out what's wrong."
"Fine. Male, (how old is he?), began vomiting and seizing after smelling extreme odors. "Probably only relate to the vomiting."
"So did he respond to an Epi or antivan?
"Neither. It stopped on it's own, and can't remember 5 minutes before the incident."
"hmmm…" takes case file
"Careful! Think of our reputation!"
"who would have this much effe- Fox McCloud?"
"aaand now you have to treat him because you must save he who has saved us so much because even you have morals?"
"Naw, ya had me at the memory loss."
---
Mouse walks into the patient room, Fox is sleeping. Because of his leg condition, Cuddy, who happens to be the Hospital director and holds a high place on the Board, puts the room close to his office when she can.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Mouse, and I'm Fox's attending physician. Whoa!"
Krystal responded. "What?"
"Yeah… I should probably stop staring at you and get to fox. Where is he again?" Mouse turns around. "ah! There he is." Meanwhile, Mouse thinks "Kinda hard to see him over her-"
Mouse was slapped by Krystal.
"What? Cleavage! It's how minerals weather and erode unless they fracture!"
---
And now to Mouse's Office. His main office has a computer and desk set up with some fileing cabinets and a CD player. All of the walls are plexiglass. zIt is connected to the adjacent think tank, where Mouse and his team brainstorm ideas. It is also the home of the famous "whiteboard," where they diagnose. I do believe the author forgot a little something at the top… "I'll just… appear in here for a second- NOTE: none of the medical information is completely valid. The story is purely fictional. Do not attempt to learn from this story."
Rameron speaks. "Baa! Who the heck are you?"
"Shh… you can't see me…"
"But you're standing right there!" Boarman pointed out.
"uhh… SILENCE! FOR I AM THE AUTHOR!"
"Bow down to the almighty author!" Rase said (with good judgement…)
"By recognizing my existence you have violated the fourth wall! I should punish you with excruciating pain!"
"I'm already gonna get that in the new episode Euphoria." Boarman repeated his last assigned verb.
"And now, FEEL MY WRATH!" And then came a power outage.
"must… hit… save! Nooo!"
"well… okay then." Said Boarman.
"Now that I think about it, what is Rase?" Questioned Rameron.
"Um… ti's old British for "to completely destroy a building." 'cept it's now diseases."
"Didn't you just have a different accent before?" Questions Boarman.
"And now it's Canadian, eh?"
Mouse walks in. "What is Canada?"
"I have no clue mate."
"So you're Australian now?" Questions Mouse.
"Duh! Wait, what's Australia?"
"Silly marsupial." Teased Mouse.
"Patient. Male, video game caracter, so he really has no age, began vomiting and seizing after smelling volatile odors. Probably only relate to the vomiting. But then again if I had to fly with slippy, I'd vomit too. Get a tox screen from his hair."
"From Fox? Our hero is a drug addict?" Said Boarman in disbelief.
"What are you basing this on? His symptoms don't match poisons or narcotics." Rebutted Rameron.
"I base all of my medial decisions on the Cornerian inquirer. Now go!"
---
Later…
"baa baa black sheep. Have you any wool?" Teases Mouse.
"Rameron's the sheep! And I refuse to accuse fox of something like this!" Stated Boarman.
"Come on then. We're going to his room."
"This does not sound good."
---
"You won't get the hair? I'll remove it with this knife." Planned Mouse.
"That's no knife, mate- THIS is a knife!" Said Rase as he took out a machete.
"baa, you stole that from human Dundee!" Bleated Rameron.
"Lassie, shut yer trap!"
Fox had a case of Déjà vu. "That was so disgustingly from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children I-" Fox's own vomit cut him off. Machines began beeping- Heart rate monitor, O2 levels, brain wave patterns, and of course, on rental from the Monty Python crew, the Machine that goes "Ping!"
"It's happening again!" Realized Krystal.
Fox begins convulsing.
Rameron gasped. "You realize what this is, don't you?"
"What?"
There was a scilence, even the machines shut up! But the simultaneously… "HE'S SEIZING HE'S SEIZING!"
"uh…." Kystal was confused.
Fox managed to choke out "Dieing here!"
"WE NEED TO INTUBATE!" Said the silly Aussie.
"makes me wonder why you like intubating so much… Giggedy." Teased mouse.
This of course annoyed the blue vixen. "Of all the times to go all stereotypey…"
"Must… Have… VICODEN!"
Will fox be okay? Will the team snap out of it? Where are falco, slippy and peppy? Why am I using the same cliffhanger from last time? Why did it take so long for me to update? Why haven't I re-written the crappy prolouge yet? Find out next time on… MOUSE, SF
Author's notes
The seizing thing: before halfway through season 2 episode on house, EVERY PATIENT WOULD SIEZE! And Chase would try to intubate every patient, even if they could breathe just fine. Well, I'm over exaggerating a bit… "Don't try to talk. You have a big… medical thing in your throat." -House