Chapter Eight

Fortunately for John and Natalie, they managed to make it up to John's room without running into anyone. The first thing Natalie noticed when they he opened up the door, was the fact that it looked like John was hardly staying there anymore. There were none of the usual take out boxes, or clothes strewn around, and the bed was made exactly as she had made it when she had come too look after him. It was the couch with held a blanket and pillow.

Though slightly concerned, Natalie said nothing and just made her way inside, dropped the alcohol on the table and went over to pick up his stack of pizza menus. "Meat lovers or the works?" Natalie asked leaning over to grab his phone.

Enjoying the way she was making her self at home once again, John shrugged off his jacket and began to open two bottles of beer. "You decide."

Natalie couldn't so in the end she opted to order one of each, remembering how John enjoyed cold, left over pizza in the mornings. Once the order was placed, Natalie accepted the beer he was handing her, and leaned back on the couch. "Are you doing okay?" she asked referring to everything they had just learned from Allison.

John stared down at his beer for a few seconds, before answering. "Yeah. I mean I knew going into this that nothing I learned would bring him back; it's just hard to hear that he got killed trying to help someone."

"That someone being me." Natalie finished, starting to feel guilty, though she knew she had no reason too.

Seeing where Natalie was going with this, John looked up at her. "This isn't your fault Natalie. You were a five year old child, and in potential danger."

Natalie nodded as she toyed with label on the bottle. "I know, and I keep telling myself that, but Allison used me as bait. Drew him in with my kidnapping. And Walter," Natalie scoffed in disgust, "well, even if he wasn't the one to pull the trigger, he obviously played a large role in your father's death."

Seeing this as an opportunity to ask her about her childhood father, John did so, trying to be gentle. "Can you tell me about him?"

Another look of disgust came over Natalie's face. "There's not much that I remember. He died when I was six, a fatal car accident. He was an alcoholic and a pervert, in fact I think I heard Roxy once say the only reason he became a doctor was to get glimpses at naked women. Walter only cared about money and himself, and made Roxy look like a Saint. He always hated me – that's one thing I remember from my childhood. He wouldn't let me call him dad, only "Dr. Balsom," but I was so young when he died, it never really seemed weird to me. He was abusive to Roxy, caused her to end up in the ER a few times, but he was an important Doctor at the hospital, so it was just written off that Roxy was the accident-prone wife. Once Rex was born, he started to slap me around too, personally I think he hated how close Rex was too me. Even from the time he was a baby, Rex was terrified of him. That pissed Walter off, because Rex was his son, his only heir, and here he was refusing to leave my side."

Natalie took another swig of her beer, needing it after all the memories she was dragging up. "As I said, I don't remember much of that time, but I do remember Roxy was smiling when the police came with the news. She actually went into her stash of liquor money and ran out to buy herself champagne and Rex and I cookies. Told us it was cause of a celebration, I even vaguely recall her humming the witch theme from The Wizard of Oz."

"For awhile after he died, things got better. Roxy was happier, even sober for a time, but then she started playing the slots and ponies and lost all the money. We moved from the house we were living into a slew of run down old apartments, she tried to keep a job but ended up using the money for alcohol. The worst came when I was eight and her sister took Rex away. Roxy hit rock bottom. Here she was stuck with me, the brat she never wanted in the first place, with no money." Realizing she had gone far past what he needed to know, Natalie instantly clammed up. When she met his eyes, she was horrified to see pity in them.

"No." She said angrily, shooting to her feet and grabbing the bottle of whisky. "Don't pity me." Uncapping it, she took the bottle and took a long swig, enjoying the burn it made as it went down.

Just now realizing how much Allison's taunts had affected her, John took a hold of her arm and pulled her back beside him. "I'm not pitying you Natalie, it just kills me to know you had to go through so much with no one there for you."

Natalie took another swig of the Whiskey before handing it to John. "Yeah well, according to Allison there was at least one person looking out for me and look what good it did him." Natalie said softly, referring to John's father. Just as John was about to respond, Natalie continued. "Plus, look at Jess. As it turns out, I ended up getting the better life anyways." At that second there was a knock on the door. Jumping up, Natalie went to get the pizza, leaving John alone with his thoughts for a few minutes.

Despite the eventual outcome, John was happy that his father had been looking out for Natalie.

By the time they had finished eating, the bottle of whiskey was gone and they were each working on their fifth beer. They had stopped talking about Natalie's childhood, and during dinner had been throwing out possible scenarios about the black-market sales occurring at the hospital. Two things were clear, one they had to head back to AC and pay a visit to Trenton General, and two it was time to talk to Roxy. Though John was tempted to go back to working alone and distance Natalie from the case since she was getting so heavily involved, he didn't even bother to suggest it as he figured she would keep working it herself anyway, and possibly lead her into another dangerous situation.

Once the pizza had been pushed aside, they each cracked open another beer - both of them ignoring the drunken state they were entering. Having given up about talking about the case as neither of them was coherent enough to make any sense; John was surprised when Natalie turned to him a look of complete seriousness on her face.

"Do you think I'll ever fit in with the Buchanan's?" The alcohol was taking over, finally allowing her to voice the concerns that had been raised during her meeting with Allison.

John thought about it for a few moments before decided to be completely serious. "Honestly, No." Natalie's face seemed to drop at his answer, but John quickly continued. "But I don't think you need to fit in with them. Most of them are all about money and power and status and I get the impression none of them know what the real world is like." Interested as to where John was going with this, Natalie remained silent.

"You have Jessica, who works for the family newspaper and Kevin for the family company. They never had to go on a job interview, or know what its like to make rent. Your grandfather thinks just because he's Asa Buchanan he's above the law. Do I think you'll ever fit in with them? That you'll take the easy way out and sip champagne at the Palace? No I don't. But that doesn't mean your not a part of them. Look at Bo, he's doesn't fit in with them either. But, you and Bo are still loved and accepted despite being different." Now worried that in his uninhibited state he had said too much, John tried to apologize. "I don't mean to be insulting your family…"

Natalie smiled. You weren't, its all true. I guess you're right, but what Allison said really got to me."

Knowing it did, John tried to make light of the situation. "Hey, not fitting in isn't a bad thing right? I mean at least you know you'll never go floral pattern crazy like your mom."

Natalie found his observation hysterical, and suddenly burst in to peels of laughter. It was infectious, and soon John found himself joining in. After the laughter had subsided and they were left in silence again, John couldn't help but blurt out the question that had been bugging him all day.

"What was going on between you and Cris at the cottage today?" he asked his words slightly slurred.

"Huh?" Natalie looked puzzled, but then laughed. "Oh, nothing. We sold the cottage and said goodbye."

"Goodbye?" he couldn't help but question.

"Cristian and I completely over. It's time to move on." Just saying the words had something stirring in Natalie and impulsively she moved closer to John and leaned in.

Suddenly having the urge to confess his overhearing the conversation between Natalie and his mother, John opened his mouth to speak. But before he could get any words out, Natalie had turned toward him and flew at him. Before either of them even knew what was happening, her lips were on his, and his tongue was starting to slide into her mouth. Their hands began to roam over one another's bodies, patting, caressing, squeezing, and before either one realized it they were tugging each others clothes off making their way toward his bed. Just as he was lifting her shirt up, John suddenly froze and pulled away from her.

"We can't do this," he said, rolling off her and laying on his back trying to catch his breath.

Panting, Natalie fixed her shirt and lay motionless beside him. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," Natalie said, embarrassed at the way she had just thrown herself at him.

"It's been a stressful day and we've had too much to drink."

"You're right." Natalie sat up and began to stand up but had to clutch the bed to prevent her from falling over. "I'm just gonna go."

Turning toward her, John grabbed her hand and gently pulled her back on the bed. "Natalie you're drunk, you can't even stand up straight. Just stay here."

It took a little bit of convincing, but Natalie began to feel as if the room was spinning so she gave in and laid back down beside him - but despite her best efforts she couldn't sleep. Soon the drunkenness wore off, but Natalie laid awake thinking about the case, her meeting with Allison and most of all John.

Just as she had been about to tell Eve, she had long ago made her decision - she was still in love with John. .

But, Natalie wasn't sure what to do with that information. Both she and John had been hurt too many times before, and right now he was even more messed up because of this case. Deciding that she would wait and push her feelings aside, Natalie rolled over and tried to force herself to sleep.

Just as she was beginning to fade she heard John sleepily whisper, "I love you Natalie."

Shooting up, Natalie's eyes widened in shock, but she forced herself to push any feelings of excitement or happiness away. Needing to get out of there and quick, Natalie stood up and quietly tiptoed around the room, grabbing her jacket and letting herself out of the room.

After years of wanting it, John had finally said the words Natalie had been praying she'd hear. But, when he finally did he was not only asleep at the time, but also drunk. In addition to that, just hours earlier he had pulled away from her, the idea of sex seeming to be appalling to him.

Shaking her head in a combination of sadness and tiredness, Natalie made her way down to the lobby so she could call for a cab. She would just have to forget he ever said those words, push it far from her mind.

Because after all, none of his recent actions suggested it was true.