Chapter Twelve

Natalie spent the ride to Rodi's chattering nervously. After their sexual tension filled fighting lesson, Natalie found herself needing to keep her mind off what it had been on. So, she spent the whole ride talking about anything and everything. When she started on about the weather, John had to stop her.

"Natalie we need to talk about this."

Forcing herself to appear oblivious, Natalie pulled into the closest parking spot she could find and unbuckled her seat belt. "Talk about what?" she finally asked.

"This is the second time in a week something almost started between us." Under most circumstances John wouldn't be the one to start a conversation like this, but with them working together so closely it was something that needed to be addressed.

Natalie sighed and sat back in the driver's seat then faced John. "I don't think we should do this now. Look at our history John… every time something like this happens, or every time we attempt to talk about what's going on between us it either ends in a fight, with you walking away, or a few weeks of awkward moments. We obviously have a lot to talk about, and it goes as far back as the whole thing with Cris, but I don't think now's the time. The more leads we find, the bigger this case gets and I don't want to jeopardize this. Let's just be friends for now, and if by the end of the case there's still a need to talk about everything, we will."

Knowing that Natalie had a point, John nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." Natalie echoed as she started to get out of the car. "Now come on McBain, let's see if you can actually beat me for once."

Natalie and John spent the rest of the evening at Rodi's eating burgers, drinking beer and playing pool, just as Natalie had promised. At first she had been tempted to let him win a game, knowing what a bad day he had had, but she figured he'd know, so she proceeded to beat him at every game. After dropping him off at the station so he could get his car, Natalie made her way toward Llanfair with a lot on her mind.

Having spent the last few days hanging out with John, Natalie couldn't help but feel like they had gone back to the way they had once been – before Statesville, before Hayes, before Evangeline and Paul, and back to a time when they actually had a chance. Sighing, Natalie wished that things with her mother and Jessica were back to normal because she could really use someone to talk to. Suddenly wanting to be any place but Llanfair, Natalie made a quick turn and headed back toward angel square deciding she would hit Roxy up for a room for the night.

Hoping that she didn't run into John, Natalie slowly made her way into the hotel and looked around for Roxy, but for the first time she was nowhere in sight. "Hey Natalie," turning around Natalie saw Marcie come behind the receptionist desk. "Are you looking for John because I just saw him go up to his room?"

Shaking her head, Natalie forced a smile. "Actually I was looking for Roxy, is she around?"

"No she's not. She asked me to watch the reception desk while she was gone. Did you want me to give her a message for you?" Seeing how Natalie's face seemed to fall, Marcie decided to be nicer. It was no secret that she and Natalie hadn't exactly been the best of friends, but recently Marcie had been realizing that she was being too hard on her and holding a grudge against her for things that had long since been over.

"No thanks. By the way, congratulations on buying the cottage! I talked to Cris and we'll have everything out by the end of this week."

"Are you okay Natalie?" Marcie gently asked.

Natalie forced another smile. "I'm fine, I was just hoping Roxy would give me a room for the night, I just don't feel like going home."

Having heard what was going on with Vicki and Jessica, Marcie nodded sympathetically. "We have a bunch of rooms free, I'm sure Roxy wouldn't mind is there anyone in particular?"

"It doesn't matter,"

Walking over to the key rack, Marcie pulled down the keys for the room down the hall from Johns. "Here you go."

Grateful for Marcie's help, Natalie took the keys. "Thanks Marcie."

Marcie just nodded, but as Natalie was walking away, suddenly spoke up. "Natalie…"

"Yeah?" Natalie said turning to face the other woman.

"I know we've never been the best of friends, but if you ever need someone to talk to, you know you can call me."

Now genuinely smiling, Natalie nodded. "Thanks Marcie," once again Natalie started to talk away but suddenly turned back and went to stand before the desk. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Did you still love Michael during the time you were broken up?"

"Yes, as much as I tried not too, I couldn't help it."

"But how did you manage to stay friends with him and not let your feelings get in the way?"

Marcie thought about the question carefully before answering. Finally she spoke slowly. "I'm not sure I ever did. I mean look at the way I got jealous when I saw you hanging out with him… it killed me inside and there was no way to hide it. And with Hugh, well… I think that was more to get back at Michael then to actually make me happy."

Natalie nodded and stepped away from the desk. "Thanks Marcie."

"Anytime." As Natalie was starting up the stairs, Marcie called back to her once more. "Natalie?"

"Yeah?"

"It's obvious he still really cares about you."

After retuning to the hotel and his room, John laid awake for a while just thinking things over. The day had been an emotional roller coaster full of fast loops and sharp turns. After learning that doctor who had drunkenly operated on his father was none other then Paige Miller, John would be the first to admit, he had nearly lost it.

Thank God Natalie was there.

Remembering the way she had gone over to him, put her hands on his shoulders and calmed him down, John sighed unable to believe how lucky he was. Here was woman who he had pushed away countless times, acted like a jerk toward, and almost destroyed her life by keeping her husbands existence a secret, but yet even after all that she cared enough to do something like that. And then drag him to Roarkes.

She had been right about not letting him hole up in his apartment. Not once during their entire night together had his mind been on his father's death or Paige's involvement. Instead he spent the time just enjoyed being with Natalie… playing pool, and teaching her how to fight.

Thinking back to their time at the gym, John couldn't help but smile. When she had dragged him there and told him he was going to teach her how to fight, John was actually speechless. Just the fact that she cared enough about him to do something like that in itself was hard to believe, but the fact that it had worked, and kept John's mind off the case, blew him away.

It was in that instant John admitted to himself that he was in love with her.

Truth be told, he had probably been in love with her since before Evangeline, but with everything that happened between them, it was easier to just push it away and act like it didn't exist. Even when they finally got together, John continued to push it away, knowing that while her husband was still alive, it wasn't fair to either one of them.

But now, there was nothing in their way.

In the car when he had brought it up, a part of John really hoped they would deal with it right then and there so he could finally be honest with her. But, Natalie had closed up and not wanted to talk about it.

Nobody could blame her after all the times he had pushed her away.

Sighing, John rolled over and tried to sleep, but before doing so he made a promise to himself.

If it was the last thing he did, he would make it up to Natalie for all the times he had hurt her.