To the end of time
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Tolkien, except some names and the idea for the story which are products of my Insanity.
Rating: K
Summary: Elrond just returned from the Gray Havens after his wife Celebrian has left Arda. Now, he searches for comfort in this dark hour….
A/N: I'm German, so English isn't my native language. I wrote this story in German first and tried my best to translate it as well as possible and I hope, that I haven't made too many mistakes! If you find any, don't hesitate to tell me, because that's the only way for me to improve myself.
The last golden light of the day falls into the library. Today was a wonderful autumn day. Mild, full of sunshine and happiness. But there also lays a tangible sadness on him, which hits the whole valley. It could be felt in every place. Many of us know the reason, but nevertheless no-one knew how to put these things right. Actually the day was much too nice that this could have happened.
And now, you come over here. I suspected it more than I knew that you would come. Your steps often carry you over here on their own, without you are aware of it. Without awareness your steps often led you over here. Over here, to this place which is always so quiet, full of silence and at this time of the day isolated, too. Erestor and all the others have left now and enjoy the evening at other places. I am not often here, much more rarely than you. Books aren't really my business. Maybe because of that, I have never noticed before how beautiful this place can be. But now, in the last light of the dying day, I see how wonderful the view over the valley from this balustrade is. How cosy all this seems to be, the high shelves with the many books, which give a great sense of power of knowledge, the leafs on the balustrade, which dances in the slight wind, the nice decorated pillars, their sight seems to be an expression of eternity. Here, nothing ever changes, everything stays in a pleasant comforting steadiness.
That's why you are here so often, and that's why you are here, now, isn't it old fellow? You are here, because you need a little bit of this comforting eternity. You search for it, because you're needing comfort. You want to calm down , you want something to hold on tight. Something that has always been there, something that will always be there and that's going to stay until the end of times, even if nothing for you ever will be the same.
Today, you lost so much on this single day. The whole valley has lost something, but for no-one the loss is so heavy than for you. So much of you sail with your wife over the sea now: one of the loveliest elf women of Middle Earth, one of the most beautiful, charming and friendly elves. Even I mean to feel a touch of the cold of winter coming into the valley although the autumn has just begun. With her departure left a piece of the cosy atmosphere which marked your house, and she leaves a lack that won't be easy to close. Hard to close for wanderers, travellers and the others of our folk, who live here with us. I know for sure, for you this lack will never be to close until you take her in your arms again, in Valinor.
One more time, I admire you immeasurable. For all the others you seemed to be so calm and composed. Since you returned from the Grey Heavens, nobody could tell just by looking at you which storm of feelings was raging deep inside of you. But now… I look at you and you seem to be so different. For others, you still seem to be calm because you have an effect of impressive power to the people, but at the same time there's something that worries me. The expression of your eyes… you give the impression that something deep inside you is broken. Something that nobody will ever be able to fix.
You won't admit it because you are too used to be the one who is strong. Who was always strong and because of that always has to be strong, even if your soul is bleeding and crying in unending agony. You never have admitted yourself to show pain. And as a result you came over here, so that nobody will see you in your agony and mourning, to be alone and far away from all the others. Just to not destroy their intact image of their lord and Rivendell. Although, for you this image is nothing more than a pile of broken glass for you because Celebrian has left these shores. But all the others shouldn't see how much has changed now.
I'm not sure if anybody apart from me knows, suspects, realizes what you felt for your wife. How much she meant to you and how worse this day were for you when they brought her back from the Redhorn Gate. That she survived was nearly a wonder. A wonder that was only possible because of your great love. You already lost her at that day and maybe you suspected it, too. No, I'm sure, you knew it. Deep inside your heart you knew that the life that you lived until this day was over now. It was a farewell in pieces but nevertheless it didn't become easier.
As you enter the room, your light steps of the polished stone floor are silent. You don't even seem to notice me. And nobody seems to follow you. I could see a small part of your way from my position here. By the Valar, am I the only person, who sees and feels your sorrow, who wants to help you?
But maybe, I judge too hard over our folk, but it seems to me, as if everybody would look away embarrassed, when they see you now. On closer examination, I can understand that you don't try to share your pain with somebody. How could you do so, the fear, always to be a burden for someone is much too present. But the only ones who wouldn't react in that way aren't able to give you comfort now: your children. Although they are already old, you're the only person now, you're their Adar again, you should help them! I could understand them.
You gave me so immeasurable much. Much more than a home and a task. I want to give you something too now, preferable an advice. But just as you stand in front of me, I don't know anything to say or advice. I could curse myself. Your beautiful timeless face, surrounded by your filigree plaits, looks so different today. Your lips are a thin line, your eyes are burning of uncried tears. I wish I were you, who always know what to do, who always know an advice. But I'm not Elrond, I'm just Glorfindel. I feel so fallible.
Now you look up and your hand lays on my arm, very shy and shakingly, and I understand. Relieved I understand that you don't need an advice now, just comfort and support. And I'm willingly to give it to you now. I will hold you and let you even cry in my arms, I won't leave you alone. I will never leave you, I will help you to live with your loss as long as destiny ties us to Arda. Even for all ages, if this is our destiny. Slowly I close my arms gentle around your graceful body to hold you tight to the end of times.
The End