Another fic! This one is angsty rather than fluffy. Actually, I cried a little when I wrote it. I guess it's sad that I cried over my own fic, but I can't help it! I'm an emotional person. Anyhow, I hope you like it!
This fic is dedicated to all my friends who love angst. (You know who you are.)
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or its characters. Blah Blah. You know the deal.
I Wish You Never Loved Me
It's rainy today. Well . . . I wish it was because that would fit my mood and it would fit us. Our relationship was so full of up and downs that sometimes it seemed we couldn't make it. I wish you never loved me. I know it's all I ever wanted, but I can't be happy. I always begged you to say it and cried when you didn't. But I knew, didn't I? I knew how much you cared and that it was just buried. You're not the most emotional or expressive person, but that's how you are. It's not that I wanted you to change because I liked you how you were. It's just . . . I wanted to hear it once in awhile. I just want to know why when you did express your love it had to be that way.
Why didn't you push me away from the start? Why did you secretly yearn for me? Why did I have to be the one to save you? I could have lived with loving you from afar. After all, there were times I didn't believe you loved me. Then too, there were times when one of us walked out. Somehow, though, we always came back together. Not this time. It's different.
The sun shone on the damp streets and I skipped with my hand clasped by yours. The street was clear. It was when I looked! However, that car raced down the street and it never saw me. I waited to die, tears in my eyes, my last thoughts of you. The screeching tires, the smell of burning rubber and flesh. That impact never came, but I heard the thump on a body that wasn't mine. I looked to see you, limp on the road. I would only see you move once more, to sweetly press your lips to mine, to whisper your love one last time.
The rest is a haze of tears and pain. Even now, I feel like I can't go on. I don't mean to dishonor your sacrifice, Yuki. It's just that for me a world without Yuki isn't one. You are my world and always will be. With you gone . . . it's just not the same.
I still sing. Why? Because when I do, I remember you and the passion you inspired in me. You were what drove my music, so when I close my eyes and sing, I can believe you're alive and waiting for me in the audience. I've written dozens of songs since you've been gone; one of them is your requiem. My songs sound sadder now and I know everyone notices. Sometimes I can write a happy one, but only on the days I can pretend you are still live. I know everyone is worried about me, but I can't stop that. Can you forgive me, Yuki if I can't go on? You are my world, my existence.
Why did you have to love me?
That's it! It's a little short. Sorry about that. Please give me some love!