The next day…
Hikari and Teruo were on the couch being scolded by a cantankerous Garterbelt.
"Y'all motherfuckers got some explaining' to do before I give you a holy ass whoopin'!" Garterbelt fumed. "What the fuck did I tell you about straying from the path of God!? The angels are turning you into heathens! There is only one God, y'hear?! And that is the almighty God of Heaven! I don't want to hear nothin' about that overgrown llama you worship! For all I know, your little 'curse' is just God's punishment!"
"At least Arceus comes down to greet his subjects every once in a while! Meanwhile, your god is taking his sweet-ass time for someone who wants to save humanity." Hikari snapped back. "We're just saying that Pit is a servant of the Greek goddess of light and there's nothing wrong with stating the obvious."
Panty and Stocking were also on the couch, nonchalantly waving off Garter's ramblings. "Why are you getting your panties in a bunch? Wouldn't more angels fighting evil be beneficial to your little Jihad? " Panty said as she checked her nails.
"We fucked Heracles' brains out yet we're still guardian angels. If you saw that angel boy, you would've molested him in a blink of an eye. We know about your secret lessons with Geekboy!" Stocking said while petting Hikari.
"My study sessions with Briefers Rock is none of your damn business! I ain't like you bitches who slobber at anything dick-shaped! I'm only following the Lord's commands! I am the shepherd that leads his flock to the glorious kingdom of Heaven! And I shall not allow my sheep to be led astray!" Garter preached, pulling out his pocket Bible.
"Yeah, yeah! Keep telling yourself that, Bible fucker. If we can fuck and stuff ourselves like no tomorrow, Hikari and Teruo having a fling with kid Icarus is chump change." Panty shrugged.
"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain this?!" Garter scowled, pulling out the divine stone tablet.
"How did you find that!? That's a message straight from Arceus himself!" Hikari snapped.
"Chuck showed it to me this morning. I swear, you 'mons are all the same! You can't stay on the path of eternal glory because you have so many gods! You have a god of time, a god of space, even a god of hoops! Jesus Christ can whoop their asses while crucified!" He argued. "I should've known you were filthy pagans… Here, take your worthless rock! If you'll excuse me, I gotta prepare for morning mass." Garterbelt grumbled, tossing the tablet back at the brothers before storming off, clutching his Bible.
"Yeesh. Is Garter always this stuck-up? I'm surprised that you two deal with his zealous bullshit." Hikari wondered, turning to Panty.
Panty waved her hand. "Eh, he's always a cockmongler. If God acted like him, we'd be raggedy urchins scrubbing shoes for minimum wage."
"It'll be better than getting every STD under the sun." Stocking snickered.
"Mind yer fuckin' business, lardass! At least I won't starve since I'm not a food-addicted porker like you!"
"You fuckin' wish you had tits like these, you glorified plank! Many guys love a girl with cushion for the pushin'!"
Hikari chuckled. "You got that right." He whispered to himself.
"Dude…" Teruo looked at Hikari with disgust..
"Hey man, I'm just telling it like it is. There's no shame in appreciating voluptuous babes. Stocking has the right idea! If I were a human, I'd land a woman that loves to eat. She knows that those sweets go to all the right places." Hikari swooned.
"There's no time to be daydreaming when a dark overlord is on the loose!"
"A man can dream, can't he? Maybe someday I'll be a real boy! That way, I can take Stocking on a night of love, lust, and paradise."
Stocking giggled, rubbing Hikari's head. "Now that's just adorable! But there's no way I'm giving you my cherry pie that easily."
"It'd certainly be worth a try! I live for challenges!" Hikari retorted, wagging his tail while Teruo rolled his eyes.
DING!
The elevator doors opened to make way for Palutena's messenger: Pit.
"Hey-o! Palutena told me that I should break the ice with Daten City's angels! Is Hikari here by any chance?" Pit gleefully walked in, taking in all the casual furniture and various knick-knacks of the apartment. "Say, nice place ya got here!"
The Anarchy sisters turned around. Their eyes lit up when they saw that it was the handsome angel boy from their previous drive-by.
"Hikari, I didn't know you were bringing over little Apollo!" Panty grabbed the Axew. "Please tell me he's your buddy! We could really use his divine wisdom!" She insisted, her mouth starting to drool.
"I don't care what that limp-dicked priest spews, you two are doing God's work!" Stocking chirped, leaning on the couch to accentuate her ample assets.
Pit rubbed the back of his head, blushing as he's not accustomed to receiving praise from hot chicks. "Gee! I-I didn't expect such lovely compliments! The name's Pit: The noble servant of Lady Palutena and protector of the light. Pleased to meet ya!"
"Pit, huh? I expected something badass like Prometheus. But Pit's a cute name for an Adonis like you. Stockin' and I caught a glimpse of your little spectacle the other day. The way you pulled your bow with those toned arms…" Panty bit her lip, ogling the boy. "How about you toss my Ceasar salad?"
"But I don't like vegetables… How about we eat some cake, instead?" The hopelessly naive Pit offered.
Stocking got up and sashayed to Pit, putting her pasty hand on his shoulder. "If you're hungry for some sugar, then I'll satisfy your sweet tooth. Just come over to my room and I'll let you pig out on the tastiest cake Heaven has to offer." She flirted, pressing her buxom breasts onto him.
Panty shoved Stocking. "And what? Give him type-3 diabetes!? Angels need to keep their strength up so they can keep evil at bay." The blonde bimbo latched onto Pit. "Now come on Pitty-Pat, I'll give you a workout that puts Spartans to shame."
"I-I… Uh…" The flustered boy wasn't sure what to make of these lovestricken angels. His wings fluttered and his heart was thumping. He never expected a pair of babes to come onto him, but maybe he could stay over for just one night…
"Hold it right there, you harpies!" A stern, motherly voice loomed over the angels.
"And just who the fuck are you!? Can't you see that we're trying to score here?!" Panty growled.
"L-Lady Palutena!" Pit exclaimed. "I-I was just introducing myself to the locals, like you wanted!" He stammered, hoping Palutena would believe his excuse.
"Oh no! As the guardian of light, it is your duty to uphold your purity! There's no way I'm letting my precious Pit be defiled by succubi!" The goddess scolded.
"Back off, bitch! I don't give a shit if you're his mom! Let your boy explore his sexuality!" Stocking protested.
"Yeah! It's not healthy to put your son on a leash, especially when he's flying around looking like a juicy kebab!" Panty licked her lips, gazing amorously at Pit.
"It's fine, Lady Palutena! These girls are just trying to get me something to eat! Yeah, that's it! A good angel's gotta have his fuel!" Pit patted his stomach.
"Uh-huh… Is there something wrong with my cooking? Is floor ice cream no longer enough for your fancy taste buds?" Palutena snarked.
"Wait, you eat ice cream off the floor?" Panty snickered. "Holy shit! And I thought Stocking was a shameless hog!" Her laugh delved into guffawing.
"Bro, how hungry do you have to be to eat food off the floor?! Even Chuck has the decency to eat from a bowl!" Stocking tried to stifle her laughter before finding herself rolling on the floor, amused that she almost scored with an uncultured swine.
"Palutena…" Pit groaned. "You know I always love your cooking! Now you're embarrassing me in front of girls…" He sulked
"Wow, talk about divine marital problems. What got Pit into such a tizzy?" Teruo commented.
"Ah, I wish there was a way we could hear a goddess... For all we know, she could be a stand-up comedian!" Hikari wondered.
DING!
The elevator door opened again to reveal the gladiator Charizard himself: Vulcan.
"Hey-hey, party people! How's the weather up in Heaven?" Vulcan strutted in, pointing finger guns at everyone. "Woah! Who's the Greek hero over there? Ya got a lotta guts to show your pretty face at a fast-paced metropolis like Daten City."
"I'm just here to help Hikari and Teruo! Are you another friend of theirs?" Pit answered, a bit surprised at the dragon's entrance.
"More like an acquaintance. They saved my tail back at the colosseum!" Vulcan explained. "So the K-bros got another angel for their cause, huh? Whoever's pulling the shadow strings won't stand a chance against you guys! Once he sees the holy light, you'll be cemented in the history books!"
Panty smiled, walking over to Vulcan. "So you're the mighty warrior Hikari rescued! How did it feel having two Axews save your scaly ass from becoming a popsicle?" She asked, holding onto the dragon's burly arm.
"I'll admit it was dreadful that I; the mighty Vulcan, was almost slain. But fortunately, these scamps came to my aid and to this day I commend their ambitions to rid this city of the shadow scourge! Plus, I won't have my adoring fans if they're all ghostified."
"So what brings you here, Vulcan?" Teruo asked.
"Oh yeah!" Vulcan snapped his fingers. "I came here 'cause I heard some rumors that might lead you to finding Akihiro's head honcho!"
Hikari and Teruo's attention closed in on Vulcan. "Who?! Where?! Give me the deets!" Hikari insisted.
"Word on the street says there's going to be a mafia summit down at Hellton Casino. And it's gonna happen tonight. It'll be crawling with crime syndicates from all overthe region. Here's the kicker; it's going to be hosted by Daten City's big boss himself: Kenta."
Chills ran through Teruo's body when he heard that name. "K-Kenta? T-The Kenta!? You mean the Honchkrow that rules Daten City's crime world with an iron wing? The one who ravaged an entire yakuza clan just 'cause they loitered on his turf? The one who used their bones to decorate his streets? T-That Kenta!?"
Vulcan nodded. "The one and only. Apparently he's going to use his newfound 'dark arts' to topple Daten City from the inside-out!"
"But isn't he already a dark-type? I don't think a Foul Play can bring Daten City to its knees..." Hikari wondered.
"That may be true, but according to professional mediums, his spirit signature is way stronger than any dark-type they've ever encountered. And when a Dusknoir senses danger, it can only mean one thing… Kenta's made a deal with the devil!"
"And if he has connections with demons, then that means the casino will be crawling with ghosts! This can be our chance to finally face Tetsuya and give him what for!" Hikari cracked his knuckles.
"Now you're getting it! You up for a little espionage?"
"You know it!"
Teruo tapped his sibling's shoulder. "But Hikari, what if someone rats us out? If Kenta's dealing with Tetsuya, then Akihiro will be there. At this point, he wants our heads on a silver platter!"
"Don't worry, lil' bro. We got three angels on our side that'll kick their asses. Right, guys?"
"W-Well if it means vanquishing more bad guys, then I'm in!" Pit exclaimed.
Panty shrugged. "Eh, why the fuck not? I'm feelin' lucky!"
"I'll come just to watch Panty blow Garter's life savings again." Stocking snided.
"I wish I could tag along, but I got a workout session in the evening. I gotta keep on the grind, ya know?"
Hikari nodded. "So it's official: Operation Mafia Madness is a-go! Kenta won't know what hit him!" Hikari exclaimed.
"I hope Garter forgives us. I don't want to be forced into Bible studies…" Teruo groaned.
Later that night…
The Kiryu brothers and the angels found themselves at Hellton's gates. The colossal casino's fancy architecture made it more like a royal palace. Although, with its centerpiece being a huge demonic skull, it could be easily mistaken for a supervillain's hideout. As with any undercover mission, the gang was disguised as gangsters. Stocking and the boys donned black zoot suits and fedoras while the Panty decided to go a more elegant direction. Panty wore a white velvety dress and evening gloves, she had her blonde bangs down, and her plush lips were cherry red.
Pit gulped, the skull's eyes piercing through his soul. "Oh wow… Are you sure this isn't Dracula's castle?"
Hikari was amused by the skull. "No wonder the Don of Daten City would host his big party at a place like this."
Panty grinned and held Stocking close. "Hey Stocking, 'member that time we made 3 million buckaroos? We were pounding those Pachinkos like it was a Friday night!"
"Hell yeah, I do! And we had to strip to save our asses from going down the shitter. Ah, good times. I wonder where our clothes are now…" Stocking replied.
"Probably being auctioned by some weirdos. But hey, whatever gets their rocks off."
Teruo sighed. "I'm more concerned about our disguises than anything else. Are you sure these are good enough? These look like costumes you'd get at a party store." He said as he adjusted his tie.
"Y-Yeah, I'm not sure how long I can keep my wings tucked in. It's like keeping your arms tied behind your back..." Pit groaned.
Panty prodded the boy's back. "Well it ain't our fault your chicken wings are so big. Besides, I'm gonna go down on some gangster girth tonight! They're fuckin' loaded from all their racketeering, so what's the harm of making a few mil' off a blue-balled mobster?"
Teruo rolled his eyes. "Gee, I don't know-Loan sharks hunting you down!? I'd love to be there when Garter finds out his church got repossessed!"
Hikari put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Re-lax! We're only here to find Akihiro's puppet master. So as long as no one does anything stupid, tonight should go without a hitch and we'd give the shadows a piece of our minds!"
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's deal with the devil!" Stocking said. The gang made their way up the staircase. At the main entrance, they were stopped by a flock of Murkrow alongside a Houndoom.
"SCRAW! State yer business! Make it snappy or we'll pull yer eyes out, see?" One of the Murkrows squawked.
"O-Oh! We're here for Kenta's soiree. We can't wait to see what dastardly plans the Big Cheese has under his sleeve!" Hikari answered.
"Uh-huh… RAWK!And how do we know youse ain't a bunch of squealers? You don't look familia and da boss nevah mentioned youse on his guest list." Another Murkrow inspected the gang.
Pit stepped forward. "It's 'cause we're new in town, see? We're the uh… Angels of Death! Y-Yeah! We come all the way from… Um..." The angel boy began to sweat, having zero knowledge on geography.
"Oten City!" Panty pushed Pit out of the way. "We're the Angels of Death from Oten City! We may be Heaven-sent but we're Hellbent on destroying any motherfucker that gets in our way!"
"That's right, see? One time some schnook thought he could skimp out on his payments, but we filled him with so much lead that he ended up holier than Swiss cheese!" Hikari added. "We just wanna learn from the best, see? And we would never dare wish harm upon your delightfully devious don."
The two Murkrow looked at each other before facing Hikari. "You know what? We likes yer spunk. Go on ahead, ya crazy kids! Da boss is about to unleash his big scheme anytime now. CA-CAW!"
"Why thank you, my fellow crooks. I'm sure we won't be disappointed!" Pit chirped. The Murkrows made way for Hikari and his gang. The Houndoom watched them walk in, then turning his attention back to the flock.
"Did any of them look kinda familiar to you? I mean it might just be my old eyes fooling me, but that blonde one kinda reminds me of the angel sisters…" The Houndoom wondered.
"Nah, couldn't be her. They never look good in pinstripes…" Murkrow said. The Houndoom simply shrugged and went back to his post.
The interior was a regal gallery of lights, machines, and debauchery; it was a miniature city! The entrance hall was crawling miscreants and ne'er-do-wells loitering about, some of which even had the gall to purloin from the gilded fountain. Beyond the fountain was a dinner theater where guests were served only the finest delicacies in Daten City as they watched a band performance. To Hikari and the gang's left was the arcade of greed: Where folks bet their life's savings as they tinkered with slot machines and wheels of fortune. To their right was the tabletop playground: where cards were dealt and the dice were rolled. Truly, it was a gangster's paradise.
"Daaaang." Pit gasped in awe. "I give it to the crooks, they sure know how to dazzle their guests! I mean, I see a freaking swimming pool over there! If being a gangster means you get to visit resorts, then maybe giving into sin ain't so bad. R-Right?"
Hikari snapped his fingers at the boy. "Focus, Pit! Don't be fooled by all the pretty colors! Now if I were an evil mastermind, where would I be…?" Hikari scratched his chin.
"We should probably split into teams." Teruo suggested. "And if we find anything suspicious, we can give the other a call." He pulled out his phone from his jacket.
"I'm down for that! Stockin' and I will search the east wing, while you boys search the west!" Panty insisted. "Now if you'll excuse us, we're off to do some 'investigation'." She giggled to herself, taking her sister's hand as the girls went off on their search.
Stocking raised an eyebrow. "You're fishing for some mafia meat, aren't ya? I can see it in your eyes!"
"What else would I do? Hikari and kid Icarus can handle themselves just fine. There's no way I'm leaving this joint without moolah on one hand and a smokin' stud on the other! If you want to puss out, I totally get it. Gangsters aren't your typical bad boy, and as my lil' sis you have lots of dick destroying to do before you can even get to first base with a crook." Panty teased, tousling Stocking's fedora.
Stocking scoffed. "Don't blame me when I see your skanky ass on the back of a milk carton." She pulled her hand from Panty's and joined the boys.
"Fine! Don't ask me for any fuckin' handouts when you're 3 million in the red!' Panty snapped back. "Ah well, time for this sex bomb to blow on these uptight mobsters." She adjusted her dress and flipped her hair before sashaying to her first target: a gangster sitting at a bench and having a drink of bourbon. "Hey hot stuff, how about you drop that drink and do a drug that doesn't taste like ass? We both know that all that booze ain't gonna get you laid." Panty leaned forward, stroking the mobster's chest. "Come oooon. You've done nothing but break legs and launder money, so why not splash that cash on your only chance at popping your cherry? I'll give you an entire night's worth for just that wad of cash!"
The man gave Panty a disgruntled look. "Just who the fuck are you!? Listen, toots. Do you have any idea how much this Devil's Tango cost me? Two thousand smackaroos! I swear, the birdbrain that's hosting this shitshow wants to scam us out of our hard-earned oysters. Why should I believe that you're not just another fisher!?" He took another sip of his drink. "Although… This shit ain't too shabby… But that doesn't mean I'm gonna get with any ol' broad!"
"Listen, you fedora-tipped schmoe! Gangs are a total sausage fest! All it took was a woman's touch to feel your hard-on! Let's blow this joint and I'll blow you for free!"
"Get offa me!" The mobster pushed Panty to the ground, dusting himself off. "I got a game of craps tonight with the boys from Lil' Tokyo. And I ain't gonna let some hot n' bothered skank take me away from a night of pure, chaotic fun! Go hump a slot machine! I got some important business to attend to." The man fixed his jacket before making his leave.
Panty was on the ground; dumbfounded. "Fine! Go to your lame-ass DnD session, see if I care!" She yelled at the man. "...And they wonder why they gripe about not getting nookie… Ah well. Time to hit the theater! I'll give 'em dinner and a show!" She smirked before making her way to the theater…
The Kiryu brothers walked down the aisles of slot machines. Looking around, they saw both man and 'mon entranced by the slots' brightly-colored spell.
"Boy, humans are fascinated by the strangest things…" Pit observed. "Not that I blame them or anything! I do love a good gaming session, but do they seriously spend their finite days glued to a screen?"
"'Fraid so, doll face." Stocking said. "The only kinds of people who come to casinos are broke losers with lives so shitty that they piss away their fortunes for that teensy dopamine rush. That's just how humans are, Pit. They'll do anything to escape from the stresses of life."
Hikari gave Stocking an impressed whistle. "Wow, never took you for a philosopher."
Stocking shrugged. "It just comes with being the guardian of humanity. Protecting humanity means ya gotta deal with their garbage."
"She's got that right." Pit said. "Being an angel isn't as glamorous as it looks. Especially when you have a pantheon of gods treating you as a punching bag…"
"Aw, jeez. I never knew ya had it so rough, Pit..." Teruo said.
"It's no big deal! Seeing humanity thrive is the highlight of my day!" Pit reassured Teruo before hearing a CLANG! Hikari's posse turned and saw that it was a frustrated black Raticate.
"Stupid fucking machine! I spilled 4 million dollars on this thing and yet I'm on a losing streak! Kenta must've fixed the slots! That fuckin' featherweight's gotten real smug ever since he started talkin' with the Underworld!" The gambler grumbled.
"Excuse me, what was that about the Underworld?" Hikari asked, approaching the ne'er-do-well.
"Oh, ya haven't heard? Last time I saw him, he didn't have that cold, ghastly stare. Nor did he have those weird swirly things around him. He's gotta be dealing with demonic hocus-pocus shit. Why else would he havebegged to host this year's summit? What a showboat!"
"Hrm… I was taking a nightly stroll when I saw a flock of peculiar-looking Murkrows… Ya think those were his men?"
"Given how Kenta does everything he can to keep his grip on the city, I wouldn't doubt that he's raising the dead. Hell, he probably robbed graves to build his flock! And you know what his flock does?" The Raticate paused to take a drink. "They grab poor souls and take them to some shady spot like it was like the River Styx! Though, these are just rumors."
Pit was taken aback. "Kenta does what now?!"
The Raticate punched the machine "I've probably said too much. Now scram! Before I claw your big noses off!" The gambler hissed, scratching the air to ward off Hikari.
"Fine! Go back to being a lab rat!" Stocking sneered. The Raticate clattered his massive incisors at the angel before being sucked back by the pretty lights.
"Raising the dead, huh? Looks like we got a lead! Let's head back to the entrance hall and see if Panty dug up anything useful." Hikari said. "Though knowing her, she's probably ramming a cue stick up her cooch…"
"Just the cue stick? Ha! She'd fuck the entire pool table! That bitch loves her balls." Stocking snickered.
"I'm starting to doubt that you guys are actually angels…" Pit worried, the innocent cherub wondering if it was the right decision to hang out with the Daten City's guardians.
"Eh, you get used to it. They may be crass, but they're the only angels this city's got." Teruo said as the team headed back to the entrance hall.
At the casino's security room…
Akihiro and the Demon Sisters were watching live footage of the Kenta's little soiree. As the casino's owners, the sisters weren't too thrilled at how Daten City's mafia boss turned their sophisticated money sink into a gangster's frat house.
Scanty cringed. "I can't believe that we have to babysit these thugs… Gambling away their salaries, chugging their putrid swill, indulging themselves in their carnal desires…"
"Do not fret, sister. I, too, am revolted at this glorification of greed. Gangsters are scavengers. The whelps of society tend to fall out of line when they're desperate; taking out loans from the mafia thinking it would solve all of their self-inflicted worries. And when they inevitably cannot repay their exuberant debt, that's when gangsters feast on their sorry corpses like hungry hyenas! Don't you see, Scanty? Gangsters do nothing but take advantage of an undisciplined society! It was a mistake showing mercy to Kenta and lending him our casino. Now look at what he's done! He's infested our establishment with his fellow vermin!" Kneesocks' tirade caused her face to turn bright pink.
"Oh, Kneesocks, dearie. You're flushing again!" Scanty giggled, gently touching her sister's face. "Take deep breaths and save your energy for when we locate the Dragon Stones. Lord Tetsuya put a generous bounty on those rocks!"
Kneesocks paused and inhaled, holding it for a moment before letting out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, sis. Sometimes I wonder what I would do without you. Maybe after we deliver the stones, we can partake in a little… Sibling bonding?" She leaned towards Scanty, her finger tracing around her sister's malicious melons.
This time Scanty was the one blushing, responding to her sister's advances with a hand on the other's hip. "W-Well… We would need a way to relieve tonight's tension…"
Akihiro just stood there, befuddled by the demons' display of affection. "What is this lovey-dovey nonsense?! We're not going to find Master Tetsuya's stones if we sit idle! It is crucial that we infiltrate the summit! I can sense that the stones are within the casino… If we find Kenta, surely he'll be of assistance."
Scanty waved off the Bisharp. "Oh, don't be such a stickler! Mental breaks keep the mind sharp and refined. How about you go in and talk to Kenta if you're so insistent?"
"Then what would I do if I run into those abhorrent angels? You did mention that they've encroached on your casino once before. Who is to say that they won't be attracted to Kenta's festival of sin?"
Scanty snapped and grabbed Akihiro. "How dare you mention those unruly harlots?!"
Kneesocks put her hand on her sister's shoulder. "He's right, sister. Those rabble rousers might've sunken themselves into debt again. And they're now crawling back hoping that lightning will strike once more. But we have the upper hand! We can use their insatiable greed to crush them once and for all!"
Akihiro rubbed his hands together. "And if those angels are snooping about, then their brats aren't too far behind! Little do they know that they're sheeps sent to the slaughter. Yes... I love the sound of that! Master will be so proud of me once I slay them all!" The very thought of eliminating the Kiryus made Akihiro grin from ear-to-ear.
Scanty gave her partners a toothy smirk. "And with those four finally out of the picture, the Age of the Demons will soon be upon us! What are we waiting for? Let us commence our investigation!"
"Alright, follow my lead! Time is at the essence, we mustn't disappoint our master!" Akihiro got into a military position, leading his demonic partners right into the lion's den…
Back at the main plaza…
"Welp, we're back where we started and there's no signs of Panty anywhere…" Pit said. "Do you think she really-?"
"Yes." Stocking nodded. "Whatever freaky shit you're thinking of, that bitch dials it up to 11."
"Geez."
"Hey, as long as we get to punch Kenta's light out, I don't care how many sausages Panty packs into her orifices." Hikari shrugged. "That sleazeball's got a lot of nerve working with Tetsuya!"
"Whatever dastardly scheme he's got, we're ready for it!" Teruo said.
The casino's lights dimmed, followed by a jingle from the speakers. It was an announcement from the big boss himself:
"RAWK! Good evening, all you menacing mobsters and dangerous dames. I am pleased to announce that the main event's about to start! So come on down to the theater and watch the magic unfold! Bring your drinks and your smokes, 'cause you're in for a hell of a night!"
"Heh. For a mob boss, he sounds exactly like I imagined; like in the movies. We gotta head to the theater, pronto!" Hikari slammed his fist into his palm.
"Right. Let's rock and roll!" Pit said before Hikari led his team to the theater.
At the theater, the gang heard a distinctive moan…
"Ahn!~"
Hikari nodded. "Eeyup. That's Panty, alright. What's she got herself into this time?" They followed Panty's moans... Only to find her latched onto an elderly man in a black, religious robe and a purple, triangular biretta. Next to the father was a burly hunter in a red, medieval tunic devouring deviled eggs.
"Panty, what the fuck!? Did you even look for clues?! Kenta could land us a jackpot!" Stocking scolded.
Panty stretched her arms. "I dunno, Stockin'. I got the jackpot right here. After getting rejected by some dweeb in a suit, I stumbled upon these handsome lads." Panty popped an egg into her mouth. "Mmmh!~ Ya should totally try these bomb-ass eggs. Did you know that Daten City has chicken farmers? And the steak is to die for! Who said a mob boss can't treat me to dinner?
"The cow that was slaughtered is blessed to be eaten by a pure angel such as yourself." The old man praised Panty. He gave Stocking a puzzled look. "And what's this about Kenta!? I shall not allow this gorgeous angel to get involved in his debauchery! As the most pious don, I shall have her assist me in punishing the wicked! I only came here for the theatrical performance."
"You tell 'em, Big Tony! And as your right-hand man, I strongarm the competition with my sharp wit and even sharper good looks." The barbarian grinned, adjusting his collar.
Stocking rolled her eyes. "Ugh. We don't have time for this!" Stocking grabbed Panty's arm and pulled her from her seat, dragging the bimbo as Hikari found an empty table. Big Tony and his partner could only sit and watch.
Tony scowled. "Hmph. I sense something wicked in that harlot…"
"Who, the blonde? She seems perfectly fine to me." The barbarian shrugged.
"No, the other one!"
"The busty one?"
"Yes. That witch can't be trusted. It only takes an evil whisper for that demon to reveal her true form."
"Hrm… There was spite in her eyes…" The barbarian shoved three more eggs into his mouth.
"No matter! Someday the blonde will be mine… Even if I have to chase her through time and space!"
"Hey! What the fuck, Stocking!? I was just about to land a two-for-one deal on Parisian Bratwurst!" Panty complained as she took her seat. "You're just jealous that my perky tits is a dick magnet while your cottage cheese ass lands you jack-shit."
"And what? Let yourself be anally ravaged when we're in the belly of the beast?" Hikari said. "This could be our only chance to find out about the shitbag that cursed my brother and I! And many of Daten City's 'mon! For all we know, he might not even be here tonight! But we can still stop another one of his lackeys from spreading chaos!"
"Yeah! What Hikari said! As angels, we must protect the innocent from the clutches of evil!" Pit stated.
"Be honest, those guys back there would burn you at the stake if they saw the sex postions you're capable of." Stocking snarked.
"Oh, put a sock in it! If we don't land some tail after this, I'm blaming you fuckfaces!" Panty hissed. A jingle played as Kenta's show was about to begin…
Light dimmed and curtains opened; making way for spotlights. The band played a mellow jazz tune as the mafioso of ceremonies flew onto the stage. The one and only: Kenta.
"Goood evening, Daten City! I hope you're relishing in tonight's festivities, 'cause I certainly am! It's a pleasure seein' yer ugly mugs. It means a lot that you love me enough to come all the way to this cesspool just to see my handsome face. Can you believe that we're shunned by society when the average Joe scrounges for pennies while we're living high and wide ? SCRAW! It tickles my pink every time some schmuck goes 'mobsters are vultures of the criminal world'. We're the original entrepreneurs! We ain't a gaggle of goons who wear our pants below our waist! When we want something, we swoop in and grab it with our talons! And unlike those brutes, we use wit to make our bank. It ain't our fault there are boneheaded suckers giving us their clams! But enough tootin' our own horns, time for my magnum opus; or as th' frogs like to call it: 'Piece de Resistance'!" Kenta gestured to a nearby display case, revealing that it contained the Light and Dark Stones!
The audience gasped. "Are those the dragon stones?" Asked one thug. "What's he gon' do with a pair o' rocks?" Said another.
Akihiro's eyes widened. "The Dragon Stones! What's Kenta plotting with such powerful artifacts!?"
Hikari's table was equally astounded. "Hey Hikari, I don't think those are ordinary stones… I can see their power seeping from within. You don't think…?" Teruo asked.
"Tetsuya's creating another monster. I'm sure of it." Hikari gulped.
Kenta flapped onto the case. "I bet yer wonderin: What's the Don of Daten City doin' with these pebbles? Well I'll tell ya! Evah heard of Reshiram and Zekrom? They're legendary dragons that are essentially livin' power plants. So one day I thought to myself 'how can I be the most powerful mafioso in history?' and then it hit me! I'll create the ultimate energy source and make everyone pay for it! First, I'll use my dark arts to fuse the stones together, creating a dragon that has more horsepower than a thousand power plants! Then I'll lead my monster all the way to Daten City's Power Plant where it'll unleash its fury, sending searing electricity through the city's power lines and destroying any generator it comes across; melting them from the inside! Not even back-up boxes are safe from my storm! After the survivors are plunged into darkness, I'll hold the power supply for ransom and force the mayor to sign a contract stating that only I will be the source of the city's power. Everyone pays sky-high taxes to keep the lights on. If they refuse to give up their dough, then they're shit outta luck!" Kenta hopped down, strutting across the stage as the audience clamored amongst themselves.
"But I hear you asking 'But Kenta, aren't there Pokemon that are walking, talking dynamos?' And you would be right. But you forgot one thing: Do you know how much electricity this city uses every hour? Those folks are crazy to think they can spend the rest of their miserable lives latched onto a battery! And they all gotta sleep and eat, so I guarantee that there will be at least a few who will die in vain. My masterpiece is above such mortal woes as it will provide clean, renewable energy for centuries to come. It just keeps goin' and goin' and goin' and-SQUAWK! It revs my engine just thinking about the god-like power I have in my clutches!" The Honchkrow cackled, causing an uproar of murmurs within the audience. They were only silenced when Akihiro and his entourage sprung onto the stage.
"You scoundrel! How could you betray Master Testuya for your selfish desires?! I'll have your head on a pike if you don't hand those stones immediately." Akihiro shouted, giving Kenta an ireful glare.
Scanty and Kneesocks pulled out their weapons. "You've made a contract with Lord Tetsuya. He lended you the primal power of shadows only if you cooperated with us. That was the deal." Kneesocks stated, putting her scythe to the Honchkrow's neck.
"Do you intend on breaking our contract? If so, then we won't hesitate to exterminate you on the spot." Scanty warned, cocking her gun.
Kenta opened his spectral wings, as if surrendering. "Woah! Hey now! No need to get all hasty with the guillotine! Tell ya what: I'll give you the Dragon Stones but you gotta lay down a couple a' clams. It's the law of the casino, see? If ya wanna earn my treasure, then ya gotta be ready for a nosebleed!"
"What are you even talking about? Are you saying that we gamble for the stones?" Akihiro wondered, puzzled by Kenta's jargon.
"Precisely, kid. Place yer bet, play my game, and pray to Tetsuya that you win."
"And how do we know that you're not just some charlatan?" Kneesocks asked.
"Do I look like a dishonest bird to you? My game is so easy that even a bambino can win! Hell, I'll sweeten the deal! If you take the stones and keep tonight under wraps, I'll triple your earnings!" Kenta offered.
Scanty and Kneesocks' eyes lit up. "T-T-Triple our earnings!? The mayor can achieve so many projects with that kind of cash! Just imagine a Daten City free of degeneracy; creating an economic powerhouse greater than the Big Apple! Oh, I can hear the salarymen already!" Scanty gushed.
"I don't know, sister… Con artists tend to fluff up their language to mask dishonest tactics. The game could be rigged!" Kneesocks protested.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch, toots! Here, allow me to soothe your soul…" Kenta's eyes and wings glowed; three ghostly Clamperl shells materializing right before their eyes.
"Ya see? Here's what I'm gonna do." Kenta brought forth the Dragon Stones, setting them down in the middle of a shell. "One a' these will contain the Dragon Stones. I close the shells, spin 'em around for a bit, and after that you get your pick. If you guess correctly, you'll land a whopper! It's not rocket science. Just think of it as a… Farewell gift from yours truly."
Akihiro investigated the clams. "Hrm… Very well. Your life is spared… For now." He answered.
"Marvelous!" Kenta squawked. The band started playing a groovy swing as the spotlights darted across the stage, welcoming the arrival of a ginormous pot that displayed the size of the bet; currently it is set to '$0.00'.
"Now then, how much are ya laying down?"
"I want to be cautious, so I'll be putting down 100,000 dollars." Akihiro said, taking out a wad of cash.
Scanty pouted at Akihiro's low blow. "Aw, don't be so modest!" She put down several wads of money. "I'm going for broke! 3,000,000 dollars!"
Kneesocks gave her sister a concerned look. "Scanty?! What are you doing prancing around with that kinda money?! That's our rainy day fund!"
"Oh, sis. I thought I could strip a few extra bucks from these lowly gamblers." Scanty admitted. "But this… This could be our big break! We could be richer than any fat cat! You did say you wanted to give G-String a new engine."
"A-And usually the price of Hell Engines is an arm and a leg…" Kneesocks sheepishly said. "Who am I to defile a rule? Even if it's a gangster."
"That's the spirit! You heard it, bird brain! We're playing to win!" Scanty grinned, pointing her gun at Kenta.
"Fill 'er up, boys!" Kenta commanded. His Murkrow goons took the wads of money and dropped it to the pot; now totalling to $3,100,00. "Before we get started, would anyone in the audience like to volunteer and spice up this gumbo? Your contributions will go to these two drop-dead gorgeous flappers! I mean, look at the gams on these Mary Janes!" Kenta pointed to Kneesocks' scarlet thick, yet toned legs. "Careful, fellas! These gams are more dangerous than her scythes!" The Demon sisters reluctantly blushed from Kenta's flattery. "C'mon! Don't be railbirds!" The audience went into a frenzy. Love stricken gangsters threw their laundered money at the stage, Kenta's men gathering every bill they could while the betting pool continued to balloon.
Panty rolled her eyes. "Those red cunts are up to something… It's not like them to be so carefree!"
"Oh they're totally fucked! They don't have our angelic luck." Stocking snickered while she ate bon-bons.
"So you guys came here before, right? How much money did you get?" Pit wondered, fearing a revolting answer from the sisters.
"A fuckin' buttload of money! Plus we popped a cap in a ghost, so it was a two-for-two on our winnings."
Hikari was befuddled. "Wait-You know those demons?"
"Yeah. Just a couple of hoity-toity whores who're usually up their own ass about everything. Saying 'rules are the ultimate euphoria' and other malarkey. They're definitely not the highlight of our days." Stocking sipped her hot chocolate.
"They suck moldy dicks!" Panty growled.
"More importantly, what is Akihiro doing here?!" Teruo worried.
Hikari shook his head. "I have no idea. I'm just as confused by this casino chaos as you are. But if those demons are buddy-buddy Akihiro, then they're here to make matters worse! Stay on your toes, guys. This could turn into a ballroom blitz..."
Not before long, the betting pot sat at a whopping $6,000,000! "Alright, it's supper time! But this soup needs one more ingredient…" Kenta brought everyone's attention to the Clamperl shells. "It needs scrambled oysters!" Kenta closed the shells before levitating them using his dark magic. The glowing clams started swapping positions. At first, they shifted at a slow, reasonable pace. But with each swap, the clams accelerated until they became a blurry whirlwind. Now this was high-stakes gambling.
Scanty's head started spinning. "Oogh… Sister, are there three clams or a thousand? I don't understand this tomfoolery…" She groaned.
"I-I don't know! Surely, there are three! There's no way that Kenta could've added clams, could he? Akihiro! You're a ghost, aren't you?! Use your spectral vision to lock on to the stones!" Kneesocks commanded.
Akihiro simply shrugged. "No can do! I may be an apparition, but I don't possess the ability to see through solid objects! I specialize in physical combat, you see."
"What kind of ghost are you, then!?" Scanty snarled.
"Master Tetsuya's right-hand man. Unlike you glorified secretaries who lick Mayor Corset's boots." Akihiro gave the girls a prideful smirk.
"Why you insignificant-" Scanty was about to deck Akihiro; being held back by her sister.
"Sister, please! We're losing focus!" Kneesocks implored. At last, the clam swapping slowed to a halt. Kenta set them on the floor.
"Now let's see if ya got the smarts of a raven and bring home the bacon! Where are the Dragon Stones? Hm? Time's-a-tickin'!" Kenta urged, stepping aside and awaiting their decision.
Akihiro tapped his chin. "I believe this shell has our stones!" He stated, pointing at the middle clam.
"Are you sure about that?"
"Open it, you fool!"
"Let's see if Lady Luck is on your side…" Kenta pointed at the chosen clam. It shook, slowly revealing…
Nothing.
The clam was barren! "WHAT!?" Akihiro stood back. "I could have sworn– This must be an error!"
"Awh… Looks like we got a couple of Magikarp in the house tonight!" Kenta announced, feigning disappointment. "But fret not, my kittens! You have one last chance to take home the gold! Give the ladies a shot! It's a 50-50!"
The Demon sisters peered at the remaining clams. "It's certainly the clam to the right!" Scanty made her choice.
"Is your judgment clear, Scanty? If we lose, our bank account will collapse in on itself! And that means we can't flaunt our superiority to our degenerate counterparts!" Kneesocks worried, latching onto Scanty's shoulder..
"Fret not, dear sister! I know Hellton's parlor tricks like the back of my hand!" Scanty looked back to Kenta. "I choose the clam on the right! Final answer!"
A smirk curled on Kenta's beak. "As you wish." He opened up Scanty's clam. Could she be on the ball...?
Nope! Just another empty shell!
"Ex-cuse me!?" Scanty's hand shook; clutching her gun.
"Whoops! Better luck next time, hotcakes!" Kenta shrugged.
"Now hold on just a minute, you oversized turkey! We're not leaving without the Dragon Stones!" Scanty fired a few rounds on the final clean…
Nothing! Zilch! Nada!
The audience gasped in shock.
Kenta cackled. He spun his finger to reveal the Dragon Stones from thin air. "Is this your card?"
"YOU PESTILENT RAT!You deceived us!" Akihiro roared and charged at Kenta. Kenta simply flew out of harm's way.
"Did you really think I'd give you the key to ultimate power?! You may be Tetsuya's elites, but you're also the biggest suckers I've ever met! I'd like to thank you lugheads for making me the richest bird in all the land! 18 million biscuits and impending domination of Daten City, what more could a crook ask for?" Kenta chirped, barely dodging a scythe launched by Kneesocks.
"It is one thing to swindle the owners of Hellton Casino! But to blatantly bend your own rules for your selfish gain is a level of degeneracy that only gangster scum such as yourself can stoop to!" Kneesocks scolded.
"Listen, doll. No level is too low when it comes to organized crime! Us mafiosos take advantage of humanity's greedy nature. You may act all high and mighty, but when there's an opportunity to climb up the corporate ladder, you snatch it without a care in the world! Even if it means putting down your fellow man! In the end you're the embodiment of sin just like the rest of your kind!"
"Cease your nonsense! You've stolen Master Tetsuya's chance to liberate the Daten City from Heaven's tyranny! Now it's off with your head!" Akihiro crossed his arms, extending his blades.
The Kiryu brothers and the angels sprung onto the stage. "Not if we have anything to say about it!" Hikari shouted.
"And here comes Hercules and his guardian angels to save the day, folks!" Kenta commentated.
"I'm putting a stop to your evil scheme, Kenta! Tetsuya might have you under his wicked spell, but your engineering disaster is no match for the guardians of light! We'll kick your ass six ways to Sunday and end your reign of terror!" Hikari vowed, pointing at Kenta.
Akihiro smirked, finding Hikari's sudden entrance amusing. "It seems that your blind heroism has led you straight to me, Hikari. I never thought the likes of you would crawl into this pit of degeneracy."
The Demon Sisters cringed at their angelic counterparts, seeing through their disguises. "I figured those harlots would be drawn to this debaucherous cesspool. Look at those tacky suits! It's like they raided a thrift store!" Scanty ranted.
"You'd figure Heaven had the budget to afford more elegant apparel. But that goes to show that these so-called angels are more concerned with satisfying their unruly lust than presentation" Kneesocks said.
Panty stepped forward. "Hey, fuck you! At least we know how to have fun instead of having a 10-foot pole up our asses!"
Pit sulked at his disguise. "Aw… I think this suit looks good on me, albeit a bit tight around the wings…" He chuckled nervously.
Akihiro laughed. "Our luck has turned, Mistress Scanty and Kneesocks! I get to slay Hikari and bring the Dragon Stones back to their rightful master! But I'll leave him and the angels to you. I have to punish this traitorous bird." He marched towards Kenta; his blades thirsting for blood. His eyes began to glow as his arms were surrounded by shadows; raising an arm to the sky. In an instant, a small army of spectral Pawniards rose from the grave. "Men! The time has come for execution once again!" He commanded, pointing towards their target.
Kenta chuckled. "So you recycle souls, too? Tetsuya's got a thing for playing with the undead. I like that about him!"
"It's more efficient than waiting for men to join my ranks. But enough talk!" Akihiro lunged.
"C'mon, boys! Time to send these tilts to the fishes!" He let out a horrible, ghoulish screech.
SCRAAAAAAAWRK!
A flock of Murkrow swarmed the stage.
"Onward, men!" Akihiro shouted. His Pawniards charged into battle, turning Kenta's game show into a war recreation as the two sides scuffled. Meanwhile the Dragon Stones rested on their pedestal; unattended.
Hikari saw the opening and nudged Teruo. "Hey bro! Let's grab the stones while Testuya's minions are at each other's throats!"
Teruo nodded. "R-Right! I grab the Light Stone, you grab the Dark-"
BLAM!
Scanty's bullet shot right by their feet. "What makes you think we'd let insects like you get your filthy paws on our bounty!? You're associated with these degenerate hags, therefore you must be exterminated!"
"At least we can blow off some steam after being swindled by that conman." Kneesocks added, readying her scythes.
Hikari shrugged. "I've always wanted to go toe-to-toe with demons. What say you, angels? Are ya ready for a royal rumble?" He turned to his divine partners.
"I'm ready to hit the jackpot!" Pit gleefully cheered.
"Are ya fuckin' kidding me, Hikari? I'm always down for busting caps in uptight twats!" Panty grinned. "Let's show 'em what we got, Stockin'!"
"Just try not to get yourselves on a mob's hitlist, alright?" Stocking said before the stage lit up like a nightclub; a pair of poles emerging onstage.
The demons gave the angels a condescending look. "Let us one-up those glorified flappers and show these mobsters how dignified demons can be!" Kneesocks suggested.
Scanty let out a haughty laugh and simply answered "But of course! Maybe that way, we could recuperate our losses!"
And thus, the strip show between Heaven and Hell was about to begin!
It started with the angels donning their signature, albeit revealing Heavenly garments, their azure halos and wings materialized. They latched onto their poles, acrobatically swinging and spinning around; accentuating their beauty and grace.
In the other corner, the Demon Sisters donned their hellish black leather outfits as they revealed crimson bat wings and imp tails. Scanty swayed her ample chest side-to-side; her precise timing creating a hypnotic jiggling from her luscious breasts. Kneesocks on the other hand concentrated on gyrating her hips as she strutted across the stage; kicking away any ghost that stood in her path.
Audience members who haven't fled or caught up in the chaos cheered the girls on. In fact, they went bonkers as they tossed their money; even new scraps arising between gangs in order to settle which pair of strippers was superior.
Hikari wiped sweat from his brow as he watched Stocking work her stuff. "W-Wow… I've said it once and I'll say it again: Stocking rocks that pole!"
Teruo gave his brother an amused look. "Maybe if you pray to the Blue Fairy hard enough, you might turn into a real boy so you can have your happily ever after." He teased.
Meanwhile Pit's face was redder than a demon as he witnessed the sexual spectacle unfold. Bullets of sweat ran down his body. His shaking hands clenched into fists. His legs wobbled; on the verge of collapse. His arousal erupted as his own angelic pole grew in his spats... Then promptly blinded by a mysterious force. "H-Hey! What's the big idea!? I'm missing the action!" He protested.
A familiar force appeared in his head. It was Palutena. "Oooh no. You're too pure to watch ladies shake what their gods gave 'em."
"But Palutena, I wanna appreciate the natural beauty of my allies! You never let me look at other naked girls… The only other chance is when we're bathing in the hot springs! And now I'm vulnerable to enemy fire!" Pit complained.
"Don't worry, Pit. I'll watch over you! I promise that not a single hair on your cute little head is harmed! You don't need sunglasses and a cane just yet, either. I'll return your vision once it's safe."
Pit sighed. "Fine. Hmph. Just when it was starting to get good, too…" He grumbled to himself. Little did he know that a small, pink creature was scuttling its way towards him. It was the Demon Sister's assistant: Fastener. Seeing Pit uselessly flail about, Fastener took the opportunity to snatch the angel's bow. "H-Hey! What happened to my bow?!" Pit panicked.
"Pit, turn around!"
"Huh?" Pit turned away from the stripshow, allowing Palutena to restore his eyesight. He quickly spotted his thief. "Hey you! Give that back! Do you know how many hearts I spent on perfecting it?!" Pit shouted and gave chase to the imp.
Back onstage the girls were stripping down, exposing their shapely gams and bountiful bumpers. The show was capped off with the unveiling of their weapons; angels, demons, and 'mon primed and ready to fight!
"C'mon, Teruo! Let's fuck Scanty's shit up!" Panty exclaimed.
"O-Okay! I'll give it my best shot!" Teruo said, he and the blonde springing into action.
Kenta's band felt tensions rising. Its members whispered among themselves before deciding to play a fast-paced, trumpet-singing, finger-firin' jive as a Casino-wide brawl was brewing.
"I guess that leaves just you and I, Stocking. Let's tear those demons a new asshole and show Tetsuya what happens when he messes with Heaven!" Hikari said, sharpening his claws.
"I thought you'd never ask! It's about time we knocked 'em down a few pegs!" Stocking smirked.
"You may have acquired a new partner, but a measly Axew won't bring victory, you insolent wench!" Kneesocks shouted as she charged towards Hikari and Stocking.
"Ha! You think a guy who's conquered dragons is weak!? Let's settle this with a game of cards! Try and catch us if you can, four-eyes!" Hikari and Stocking leapt off the stage, zipping past cantankerous gangsters and flying bullets as they led Kneesocks to the poker lounge.
Kneesocks mowed down everything in her path. "Cowardice prolongs your inevitable demise! If you're so passionate about your holy crusade, then fight!" She lunged at Stocking; primed to strike.
CLANG!
Stocking's blocked Kneesocks' attack. "Listen, bitch! Hikari may not look like much, but he and his brother are the only 'mons with the balls to stand up against you bastards! And he's our ticket to fame and fortune! Do you have any idea how much Poke-ghosts are worth!?" The angel countered.
"So you're using him to fulfill your selfish desires? You're no different from these lowlife miscreants! He's better off serving Lord Tetsuya! At least the siblings will be granted immeasurable power!"
Hikari scoffed, striking Kneesocks with his draconic claws. "Yeah, right! I ain't giving myself up to some wicked overlord! If I were to attain godlike powers, I would get it on my own terms, capiche!?"
Kneesocks snarled, striking back with an elbow to the Axew's head. "You recalcitrant ruffian! How dare you tarnish my perfectly tailored uniform!? It's a violation punished by execution!"
Hikari winced in pain, rubbing the side of his head. "Thank Heavens I'm not bound by Hell's stinkin' rules… Must be miserable being a slave!"
"Then I have no qualms about ending your pathetic existence!" Kneesocks readied her scythe, her sharp eyes completely focused on finishing off Hikari. In fact, she was too focused to notice the playing card zipping towards her face…
THWACK!
Her glasses were knocked off.. The culprit? Stocking. "Like I'd ever let a ho mess with my partner!" She exclaimed.
Hikari gave Stocking a thumbs-up. "Thanks, Stockin', I owe ya one! Now… Time to trump this glorified secretary!" He shook his head and launched at Kneesocks, landing a direct hit to her abdomen. The headbutt sent Kneesocks flying, knocking her onto a poker table.
"Hey, did anyone order a scarlet broad? We're tryin' to play cards here!" A poker player yelled.
"It was probably Paul. He's got a thing for da dangerous ones." Another player stated.
"'Ey! Ain't my fault that ladies in sharp suits get me going! If they scare ya, you're the biggest fuckin' fruitcake!" Paul shouted.
Kneesocks promptly recovered, snatching her glasses off the carpet. "It's going to take more than cheap tactics to eradicate me!" She yelled, springing back into action.
Paul sighed. "See? Ain't that a lovely tomato dish or what?" He swooned, giving a gangster a look into his card deck.
"Paul… How do you have a straight flush?"
Panty and Teruo found themselves amidst a shootout with Scanty; taking cover behind a fallen betting table. Teruo fired pulses of dark and draconic energy while both sides assaulted each other with bullet rain.
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Panty snarled. "Shit! That bitch ain't givin' up! Glad that I don't have to worry about running out of ammo, but why do demons get the same fuckin' privilege?! That skank can blow this table in half and turn us into paste!"
"That ain't good! We can't prove ourselves if we're six feet underground! We gotta find an opening and strike hard." Teruo said.
"What the fuck do you think I've been doing!? This persnickety cockmongler won't stop blowing her load!"
"Say, how did you two meet? I get the rivalry between angels and demons and all... But this is some next-level beef."
"Well you see… BLAM! ...to make a long story short… BLAM!...the demon sisters turned the school into a totalitarian shithole… BLAM! ...and they fucked with us big time! Like, don't they know that an angel needs her mid-class pick-me-up?! I couldn't even fuckin' eat my Takis in peace! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!So ever since, we've been beating the shit out of each other."
"Hrm… I see… I'd be pissed too if I couldn't have my snacks!" Teruo fired a dark pulse at Scanty.
"Now you're talkin'!" Panty fired a couple more shots until…
Scanty's shooting stopped.
Panty and Teruo looked at each other in confusion. "The fuck? Did Ms. Prim-and-Proper finally run out of juice?" Panty wondered, carefully peering at the other side.
"Only one way to find out…" Teruo peered from the other side of the table...
PING!
Panty's forehead was shot by a marble. "AAAH! FUCK! SHIT! COCKSUCKING DAMMIT!" Panty wailed, recoiling back to her hiding spot.
"Panty! What happen-"
PONG!
A second marble shot Teruo. "OW! Sweet Arceus, that smarts!" He cried out, following suit.
Scanty cackled, revealing herself from her table. "You utter fools! You fell for the oldest trick in the book of blunders! It's a miracle that you've lasted this long with that inferior intellect of yours." She mocked, strutting towards the two. "Now it's time for natural selection to take its course."
Panty grinned through the pain. "Heh. We don't need brains to kick your sorry ass… En garde, motherfucker!" She grabbed the bottom of her table and flipped it over.
Scanty's eyes twitched in utter disbelief. "What the-Oof!" Her face took a fierce kick from Panty, allowing Teruo to douse her in draconic flames. "Agh! You impudent little-!" The demon shook off the flames only to find out that her rivals had fled. She let out a smokey snort. "Flee all you want! Eventually Lady Luck will grow tired of you, then you'll be forced to submit to my superiority!" She vowed. Scanty spotted a glimpse of the troublemakers fleeing to the slots. She made a toothy grin before continuing her pursuit.
The battle between Heaven and Hell took to the slots. Stocking and Hikari continued their clash with Kneesocks, trying their damndest to break through her calculated defenses.
"Face it, Hikari! You don't stand a chance against Lord Tetsuya! Your journey is nothing but a mindless march towards your twisted view of an ideal world! For as long as mortals walk this planet, the demons of Hell will eventually claim their rightful place as the dominant race! Strike one down; and a thousand more will rise!" Kneesocks taunted, striking at Hikari.
Hikari blocked the attack. "That may be true, but it is our duty to protect humans and Pokemon from the destruction and chaos that Hell brings! I won't let you guys take away our free will! By the Heaven's power vested by me, I shall topple Tetsuya and put an end to this madness!"
"If you insist on living by your blade, then perish by it!" Kneesocks snarled, driving the blunt end of her scythe into Hikari; knocking him back onto a slot machine.
Hikari painfully stood back up, eyeing down his opponent. "H-Heh… T-That's the best you got? Urgh… I've seen Ledians hit harder than you! If you're hellbent on exterminating me… Gah… Fuckin' do it, you BDSM-loving unicorn!" Despite his injuries, he wasn't about to let Lord Tetsuya have the last laugh.
Unsurprisingly, Stocking was a swordmaster; keeping up with Kneesocks' savage techniques. "Hikari, are you sure you wanna keep fighting this bitch? You look like you've had a few rounds with Mr. Sandman." She said, noting Hikari's bruises and cut marks.
"Don't fret over me. As long as I can still stand, I'm still in the battle! That's what Pokemon are all about, after all! We fight 'til the very end!" Hikari said as he shook off his injury. He cracked his neck before charging claw-first towards his foe!
GONG!
As if synchronized, Panty had slammed Scanty's head onto a slot machine dish. "Who's the money-obsessed skank now, you two-horned baboon!?" She taunted, slamming her opponent several more times.
CLANG! BASH! POW!
Teruo snickered at the fallen demon. "I'd call this overkill, but… Hyup!" Teruo lept and pulled down the slot's lever...
CHA-CHIIIIIING! CHA-CHIIIIIIIING!
Thanks to Panty's innate angelic luck, it was an instant 'JACKPOT'; an avalanche of coins assaulted the poor demon. "Hell yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! Still coulda wished I had the chance to boink a mob boss, but at least I still get filthy stinkin' rich! Up top, Teruo!" Panty cheered, offering the Axew a hi-five.
"Heck yeah! We exorcized that devil!" Teruo gleefully reciprocated the hi-five. "I wonder how big bro's doing, though. I heard a loud crash and I hope he's handling Scanty's sister alright…"
"I'm sure he's just fine! He's got Stockin' on his side and she's a fuckin' pro when it comes to handling swords! But frankly, I prefer meatier swords if ya catch my drift." Panty joked. Teruo simply rolled his eyes when suddenly…
POW!
Fastener was sent flying over their heads. Pit finally had retrieved his trusty bow. "And that's what you get for being a thief!" Pit said, turning to his allies. "Oh hey there! By the looks of it, you two made mincemeat out of that demon! I really wish I coulda helped but I was too busy chasing that stupid little bug…"
"Don't sweat it, hot stuff! Ya woulda distracted me with your charming good looks." Panty flirted.
"Eheheh! Aw, you're just saying that!" Pit sheepishly blushed, rubbing the back of his head.
RAAAAWK!
Meanwhile, Kenta and Akihiro were locked in mortal combat; their armies fighting ferociously. Akihiro blocked Kenta's dark pulse and countered with a Night Slash, landing a decent hit on the mafioso.
"You ain't too bad, kid! It's no wonder Tetsuya chose you to be his right-hand 'mon." Kenta chuckled.
"Don't you daremention Master Tetsuya's name in vain after you tarnished his will with your treachery! He is a Pokemon with powers the likes of your kind only dreams of!" Akihiro shouted.
"C'mooooon! You really believe that some random warlock knows how to rule over a city?! Do you have any idea who I am!? I'm the Head Honchkrow! And I'm going to use your king's powers to fulfill my own ambitions and become the ultimate mafioso! Every pathetic schmuck will cower when they hear my name! But I don't expect a pawn like you to understand what it takes to have personal goals. You're all 'Master Tetsuya' this and 'Lord Tetsuya' that! What makes you so different from your Pawniards? Your fancy helmet?"
Akihiro snarled, boiling with rage. "I dohave ambitions! They are to assist Master Tetsuya's mission in freeing these mortals from the unjust rule of the heavens! I live to serve my master!" He roared, striking Kenta with an Iron Head.
Kenta was knocked back, but managed to stay mid-air. "Urgh! I gotta say, boy, you're passionate about your mission. I can respect that. But can it stop my dreams of reaching mafia godhood?!" He screeched; emitting a thick, black fog all over Akihiro and his men. Bewildered by the darkness, the Pawniards flailed about like headless chickens. "Alright boys, light 'em up!" He commanded. His goons dove into the jet-black fog, weeding out Akihiro's troops one-by-one.
"Ha! You're deluded to think that your parlor tricks will work on me! You may have my soldiers in a tizzy, but I am the disciple of the shadows! I thrive in darkness!" Akihiro taunted, slashing any Murkrow that dared to approach him.
Kenta chuckled. "Is that so? I hope you ain't bluffin' 'cause here comes the finale! CAAAAW!" A grating cry echoed throughout the theater. On command, Kenta's men assaulted Akihiro.
"Damn i- Agh! These pests won't let me go! Urgh! It's as if I'm being swarmed by a million cicadas!" Akihiro struggled, incapacitated by the Murkrow's sheer numbers.
Kenta tipped his hat. "That should buy me some time. Speaking of… 'Bout time I finish this squabble once and for all!" He snatched the Dragon Stones and enveloped them in dark magic. He then took a deep breath to focus his energy on merging the stones…
The fusion resulted in a grey stone teeming with energy. Embers and sparks flew as it gyrated mid-air, shaking the theater and causing the casino's lights to flicker wildly; much to the chagrin of the brawlers. "What tomfoolery is this!?" Kneesocks protested, right before spotting the stone. "Oh dear…" She pinched her forehead and sighed. "Looks like even that brash samurai failed his mission…"
The stone morphed into its true, draconic body. Its white eyes awakened; spreading its wings before crashing onto the stage. This unholy fusion was a behemoth. Its silver skin was coated in scales much like Zekrom, but had a tuft of fur on its chest like Reshiram. Its head was crowned by three horns; the middle horn tipped with violet. Its second pair of wings were tipped with powerful ivory claws. But the crowning achievement was its tail which was a factory in of itself; a plasma engine that generated extraordinary power. The plasma coarsed through the dragon's veins, glowing through the crevices of its armor. The monster let out a mighty bellow; sending plasma flyingacross the casino.
SKREEEEEEOOOOONK!
"Well fuck me corkskrewed. Dr. Frankenstein ain't got shit on that monstrosity." Panty commented, finally meeting back with Stocking and Hikari.
"Jesus tapdancing Christ! Kenta wasn't fucking around! That's a power plant with a face!" Stocking exclaimed.
"The madman actually did it. Lord have mercy on us all…" Teruo gulped.
"J-Just what is that thing, anyway!?" Pit panicked.
"A crime against nature, that's what it is!" Hikari grumbled.
Kenta marveled at his creation. "AHAHAHA! Rise, my Big Bruno! Knock off these gutless ninnies off the face of the planet! Only then shall I exact my rise to ultimate glo-"
CRACK!
Reshikrom's armor began to split. "Huh!? What's going on!? Why is it cracking?!" Kenta shouted.
Akihiro managed to shake off Kenta's goons. "You imbecile!Reshiram and Zekrom are polar opposites! Without Kyurem acting as a mediator to their extreme ideologies, your hybrid experiment is doomed from the start!" He explained as the hybrid's cracks multiplied. Plasma leaked as the fault lines spread throughout its body until out came a blinding flash…
BOOOM!
Its components broke free; now standing before the crowd were the ghosts of Reshiram and Zekrom. The brothers looked at their surroundings before glaring at their fiendish captor. "Y-You…!" Reshiram snarled.
Kenta chuckled nervously. "H-Hey, now! Let's not get hasty! I only wanted to give you ultimate power!"
"And serve the likes of you!? We shall not destroy the lives of humans and Pokemon for your pursuit of greed!" Zekrom roared.
Hikari gluped. "Uh-oh… This can't end well…"
"PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" Reshiram bellowed.
CRACKLE! FWOOSH!
An electric firestorm ravaged the casino as the Tao Dragons laid siege to Kenta's palace of debauchery. Screams and shrieks filled the atmosphere as everyone tried to escape the rampage.
The fiery carnage reflected on Kneesocks' glasses. "Unbelievable… Fall back, Akihiro! We must report back to Lord Tetsuya about Kenta's treachery!" She commanded.
"Right. It's an outrage that we let such powerful tools slip in the hands of idiots like Kenta!" Akihiro nodded.
Kneesocks grabbed her unconscious sister and let out a sharp whistle, Fastener bringing forth their trusty limo: G-String. Akihiro and the sisters hopped in, riding off to their secret lair.
"Welp, the party was fun while it lasted! Let's ditch this joint!" Hikari suggested.
"I second that notion! We gotta get out before we're fried to a crisp!" Teruo added.
"You got it!" Panty agreed. She dialed on her cellphone and before they knew it Chuck came crashing in on See-Through. Hikari and his posse hitched a ride and made their getaway; crashing through furniture and running over a few mobsters before busting out the entrance. They drove off, leaving the smoldering Hellton Casino behind. The casino began to collapse in on itself, marking the end of Kenta's empire…
On the drive back home…
Pit was singing to himself. "I want you~ To make believe it's the first time and I gotta say to you~ Love will find a way and that's always tru-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Panty snapped. "I swear to God if I hear that tune one more fucking time I'm popping ya right in the kisser!"
"Alright, jeez. You don't need to be so aggressive. Ain't my fault the Demon Sisters got a funky backing track!"
"Whatever. Those posers sure as hell can't hold a candle to our tantalizing beats! But man, this evening was a rager! I kicked Scanty's tight ass, got fuckin' loaded, and even reeled in a couple of hotties! I never knew ya had it in ya, Teruo. I always thought you were a total pussy compared to your brother."
"H-Hey! I may prefer to avoid conflicts, but I'll fight if I really have to… I'm a Pokemon, I guess it's in my blood!" Teruo said.
"I'm shocked that Hikari took a beating back there. I thought that all unevolved Pokemon were pathetically weak…" Stocking admitted.
Panty turned to Hikari, taking a look at his battered body. "Yeesh. You look more beaten than a NEET's cock."
Hikari waved off Panty's comment. "Oh it's fine! I always love a good scrap, so I'm used to being battered. And we're not just any Pokemon! We're dragons! Ya know, the ones that hoard gold and fuck shit up whenever we please?"
"Pfft. Dragons? You guys? You guys are Fossil Fighters rejects!" Stocking snided.
"Next you'll be telling us that the tree over there is a dragon!" Panty pointed at a random palm tree. That 'tree' turned out to be an Exeggutor when they drove past it.
"Fine. Stay deluded. Soon enough you'll be begging on your knees when a Haxorus comes chopping down your door." Hikari smirked. The gang continued to shoot the breeze on their journey back to Celetubby Hill.
They arrived at the church only to be met with ghosts awaiting them. It was Reshiram and Zekrom!
"WHAT THE FUCK!? Did you come for an ass whooping!?" Panty exclaimed, pulling out her gun.
Stocking grabbed Panty's arm. "Panty, wait! If they wanted to fight, they would've fried our asses already!"
"I-Is that true? You're not gonna kill us, r-right?" Pit stammered.
"..." Reshiram shook his head. "Negative. We sensed a peculiar aura within your party. An intense desire to cease the dark plague that seeks to destroy this land and every being who dwells within."
"T-That would be us!" Hikari blurted out.
Zekrom closed his eyes. "May the Axews please come forth."
The Kiryu Brothers rapidly nodded and hopped out of the car. As Hikari and Teruo approached the Tao Brothers, they felt the heat of roaring flames and the sparks of a thunderstorm. Add to the fact that Reshiram and Zekrom towered over the Kiryus. This is what it felt like to come face-to-face with a legendary.
"State your names."
"M-My name's Hikari, and this is my brother Teruo." Hikari answered. "And we're on a mission to stop Daten City from falling into the clutches of Tetsuya! He's the one who put this stupid dark curse on us!"
"And any 'mon who gives into the darkness becomes his minion! If they refuse to join, then he's got an assassin that'll force you into loyalty. We're lucky to be blessed by Heaven…" Teruo explained.
Reshiram smiled. "That is because your selfless ambitions overpower your urges to create chaos. But you're up against a force far beyond your capabilities. For only a divine power can extinguish Tetsuya."
"But fret not! We come to offer assistance by granting you our power." Zekrom stated.
"Wait, WHAT!? Are you sure you wanna trust your godly might with a couple of urchins like us?" Hikari said in disbelief.
"You have proven yourself worthy through your battles. We trust that you will use our powers to bring light back to this land. That is what you desire, correct?"
"Y-Yeah…"
Reshiram turned to Teruo. "And you. You aid your brother not only to protect your home, but to seek the truth of your affliction and gain courage."
Teruo looked down. "I mean… You're not wrong…"
"Then we shall grant you our powers. Consider it our boundless gratitude. But know this: you must train your body and mind in order to unlock your full potential." Reshiram stated.
"This is a trial of power and sheer will. If you prove yourselves capable of defeating Tetsuya, not only shall you be granted with our abilities, but also acquire a Divine Form; while temporary, these forms lend you a power that matches heavens." Zekrom explained.
"Wow… You mean we'll have the power of the gods?" Hikari was astounded.
"Precisely. Now, take our cores and unlock the path to divinity." Zekrom extracted his ghost core from his chest, giving it to Hikari. The core crackled like thunder. Reshiram gifted his core to Teruo, feeling like a bonfire in the Axew's palm. The cores were promptly absorbed into the brothers' bodies. Hikari's tail sparked while Teruo snorted out embers.
"Woaaaaah… This is awesome! I can't thank you enough, Zekrom! With the help of your thunder, I shall electrify the shadows and energize the citizens of Daten City!" Hikari said.
"A-And with your furious flames, I shall incinerate my foes and find the burning truth behind this madness!" Teruo added.
The Tao Brothers smiled upon their new disciples. "Farewell, heroes of Daten City. May the heavens bless your future journeys." The dragons ascended to Heaven, causing the church bells to ring once more.
"Daaaaang. Ya became demigods just like that, huh?" Panty commented.
"I didn't expect ghosts to be so nice…" Pit said.
Stocking shrugged. "Eh. It happens every once in a while. How about we head inside? I'm starving!"
"I could have Lady Palutena cook us a big dinner! Though I don't think she'll appreciate me bringing girls into her temple…" Pit twiddled his fingers.
"Tell your mom to suck a lemon! We rescue lost spirits for a living and if she doesn't see how pure we are, then I don't care if she's Gordon fuckin' Ramsay! She's gotta realize that angels have lives, too." Panty said, wrapping an arm around Pit.
The angels were showered with a beam of light. "Alright, that's enough of you two! C'mon Pit, you've done quite enough reconnaissance tonight." Palutena scolded, sending Pit back to the heavens.
"What a square. Just as I was about to treat him to my sugar stash…" Stocking grumbled.
"Typical goddesses. Always thinkin' they're hot shit when in reality they shelter their precious angel from the real world. One day, Pit's gonna snap and it ain't gonna be pretty, lemme tell ya." Panty said.
"Pit would be the least of her problems when Zeus is on the loose. Seriously, he's you with a schlong. In fact, I wonder who would last longer in a fuck-a-thon, you or Zeus…"
"We'll just have to find that out, now won't we? Next time Palutena's pet comes around, we're getting Zeus' number! Now let's order some food and get fuckin' wasted!"
Panty and the rest exited the car. "You said it! Maybe we can try out that new restaurant opened by some Magmar! I believe his name is Bob Burner or something like that…" Stocking suggested as they entered the church.
"Oh I know who you're talkin' about. That guy who makes the city's best fajitas? Surprised it took him so long to open a joint, but hey now I got a chance to indulge myself in his hot, sizzling meat! I'll get twelve orders, I don't give a shit! We're rich as fuck now!"
"While we're at it, I'll treat myself to Gustav's 15-layer red velvet surprise! It's a lovechild between him and 13 Cakes! It's got a decadent cream cheese exterior, dimpled with scoops of vanilla ice cream. The inside is red velvet cake layered with dark chocolate mousse and it's got a giant cookie-and-cream bon-bon smack dab in the middle! That Slurpuff has a way of making my loins ooze with excitement!~" Stocking gushed.
Hikari and Teruo chuckled at the angels. "We fought real hard tonight, so you two deserve the rest! You enjoy yourselves while Teruo and I ring up Volt. He's gonna be stoked!" Hikari grinned. And so, the Kiryu brothers called their companions to vividly discuss their night of hot action…
Back at the smoldering remains of Hellton Casino…
Authorities littered the place. Firefighters consisting of people and Pokemon were quelling what remained of the inferno; Castform brought forth a drizzle to assist the Carracosta, Swampert, and Blastoise with extinguishment. This allowed the firemen to scrounge the rubble for any possible survivors. Meanwhile the former Don of Daten City was being apprehended by none other than Inspector Snips; head of Daten City's Night Watch.
Kenta struggled under the Drapion's vice grip. "RAWK! I'm telling ya my reign can't end like this! I worked my tail feathers off to get where I am today! Do you even know how many clams I spent during my early years to reach the top!? More than a boneheaded broad like you could ever comprehend! This was supposed to be my big night! The ceremony where I become the King of the Mob!" He squawked.
SHANK!
Snips stung Kenta with her vicious claws. "Tell that to the judge, bub! After we interrogate ya, you're goin' to the slammer for a long, long time. Don't even bother trying to fly away, I injected you with my Venom X. It's a special concoction of toxins that'll incapacitate you for 24 hours. Heh, I never thought I'd finally catch your sorry ass!"
"W-What about tonight's winnings? D-Don't jailers give a consolation prize for notorious crooks?" Kenta chuckled nervously.
Detective Brian; Snips' trusty Gengar companion, let out a belly laugh. "Ohohoho! Now that's comedy!" He took a bite out of his donut. "Your filthy money? It'll go directly to the mayor's city funding. Sleep well knowing that you had a wing in improving Daten City's infrastructure and education. Thanks for the generous tip."
"WHAT!? You can't do this to me!" Kenta screeched.
"Shoulda thought of that before turning to a life of crime. Ya got a laundry list to answer for, buster!" Snips shoved Kenta into the police car. And just like that, another member of Tetsuya's forces was brought down and Daten City can breathe a little easier now that Hikari was hot on the shadow trail…
To be Continued…