A/N: Hey, this is our first fan fic, hope you guys like it. We were gonna put the note in the first chapter, but we're stupid, so we put it here. Just so you guys know, we are indeed Americans… who live in California… in an area much like this. So basically, we're making fun of our own ppl and don't want to offend anyone. Feel free to criticize this, we love constructive criticism.

Chapter 2: It's an Early Christmas Present

Malfoy POV

We made it to America and I didn't die when Neville flooed on top of me. Honestly, who would allow HIM to go on this trip, he's an embarrassment and he's fat. His ass alone could count as a whole other person. It's really rather nasty.

Pansy's been clinging on to me this whole time. You would have expected her to let go of my arm once we got to this school, but no. She spent all summer babbling about those "hot American boys," but when we get here, she won't let go of my arm. Then again I'm dead sexy. Who wouldn't want a piece of this?

Ron POV

Did Malfoy just slap his ass!

Malfoy POV

I think Weasley just saw me touch my ass, but he would be staring at my naturally rock hard ass. I always knew he was a bit of a queer, because he's constantly trying to flirt with the Mudblood.

"Welcome to Kinetic," a fat old guy greeted us. "I'm Principal Jensen," stupid Americans, "I do hope you enjoy your stay here. To guide you all around is Rosalynn Kather,"

Not bad

"Issac Mosely,"

One word… dork. Hey he kinda looks like Weasley, must be the red hair and freckles,

"Piper Collins,"

She looks exactly like Granger, if Granger was actually hot,

"and Bradford Parsons III."

Ok, freaky, he looks like Potter.

"Please get acquainted while I announce your arrival to the other students. Oh and all the err… Griffie – whatchamacallums are in the Lincon House with Rosalynn and Slythi - madoodles in the Washington House with Mosely, Collins, and Parsons."

Finally, the evil golden trio.

Rosalynn POV

OMG! The red head is soooo incredibly hot! Not that dork, Mosely, but the British one. OMG! OMG! OMG! I'm gonna faint. He looked at me!

"Ummm… hey," the boy with jet black hair said, "I'm Harry Potter."

""No one cares, Potter," the blonde one said.

"Shut it Malfoy!" the redhead said. Damn! What a hot voice. "I'm Ron Weasley."

"Hi," I managed to gasp.

"Hermione Granger," the ugly one said.

This is gonna be a good year.

Hermione POV

I had taken the liberty to introduce myself to my new fellow students. After all I would be spending a year in their company. "Hello, umm… Bradford III."

"What up? Am I'm not Bradford, the name is B – Rad."

"Umm… well, okay… B – Rad. Interesting name," I casually walked away and decided just to call him Parsons. I really don't think I can bring myself to say his name again without bursting out in a fit of laughter.

Issac POV

That Harry Potter kid is quite different then I imagined. I simply asked him if he would like to go to the library and he declined. I said, "That's okay old chap," and patted him on the back

He said, "Kindly take your hand off my back. Hermione Granger, the girl with the bushy brown hair would love to go with you though. It's really like her second home."

I was so excited. I walked at a brisk pace instead of my usually leisurely stroll over to her.

Ron POV

Hey, where's Hermione going? And she's going with that guy. He makes one wrong move and I swear he'll be unconscious faster than you can say Supercalifradulis… never mind.

"Harry! What did that American guy say to you?"

"He wanted to know if I'd go to the library with him. I told him no, but I told him to ask Hermione."

I was in shock. Why would she go with a guy who will be rooming with the Slytherins? It's betrayal that is.

"Hey, Ron…" this voice sent chills up my spine. I turned around only to find that girl. She's about 5'4" with light brown hair and deep chocolate eyes. What's her name again…

"Ummm… hi, Rachel was it?"

"My name's Rosalynn, but you can call me whatever you want."

Wow! Freaky!

"Soooo… how's the food here?" What! It's the only thing I could think of.

"It's alright," she shrugged. Has she blinked yet? Honestly, she just keeps staring at me. Creepy…

Piper POV

I thought British boys were, like, supposed to be, like, you know, hot. Seriously, none of them are. Well, except for the blonde one… Draco. There's, like, the famous one… Harry (I wonder if he's rich too, cuz that would improve his status greatly), the fat one… Neil or something, the two body guard - ish guys… Crabbe and Goyle (Points for Malfoy, he's got his own bodyguards… must be rich), and the tall redhead… Ron, but it looks like Rosalynn's got a thing for him. Although if I had him I'd see little Rosie in pain and I love seeing Rosie in pain.

Ahhhh! Here comes that girl that is permanently attached to him arm. Damn, and I thought they were just Siamese twins. Well, I could always have fun torturing her.

"Are you looking at Draco, cuz he's mine," the girl said.

"Oh pulezz. He's about as interested in you as I am. Why don't you attach yourself to the dumb one… Crabbe."

"Malfoy is mine, bitch," was all she could say.

I yawned. "Bring it!"

"Oh, it's already been brought!" another voice said.

Everyone stopped their conversations and looked at the girl with waaaaaaay too much make – up on… Lavender.

"What? I saw it in a movie once."

Pansy POV

That whore's freaking trying to steal Draco from me. I can't believe it. I didn't want him all that much, but then I started seeing some of the guys. Yuck! Like, that Issac guy, he looks exactly like Weasley… which is far from even remotely hot.

But that whore wants My Draco and that, that's just not gonna happen, unless hell freezes over. Now I'm never going to let go of Draco's arm.

Malfoy POV

Pansy won't let go of my arm!

Bradford POV

"I guess we should show them the dorms," I yawned and whispered to Piper, "Stop messing with that girl. Pity her… she is hella ugly."

"But it's sooo much fun. She is too ugly to pity. This way to the dorms Slythererboodles..." Piper got cut off by one of the gorilla – men. I think he's Crabbe.

"We are Slytherins."

"Whatever, is it, like, true cookies are called biscuits in, like, the UK?"

"Food," He grunted in return. He seriously needs to lose some pounds. I'll recommend him my diet, the Atkins diet. Maybe then my eyes won't burn whenever I look at him.

"Look, you're fat. I'll tell you that. It's my biz – nat to help you. Go the Atkins way. Low carb. High protein, then all the hot babes will come to you."

Crabbe POV

What is biz – nat? It sounds like business, but not. And who the hell is Atkins and why is there a diet named after him?

"I'm hungry. Thinking about food makes me want to eat food…"

"Well, it is about time for dinner. Down 2 floors, turn left, then go straight, then left again," the Bradford kid who says biz – nat told me.

What in the bloody hell is biz – nat?

Hermione POV

"Oh, oh its 5:53, time for dinner," Issac said abruptly. Before I could get out of my seat he pulled out my chair for me. What a gentleman.

We just had the most intellectually stimulating conversation about the various similarities and differences of different wizarding cultures.

He led me to the place where we would eat. It was lined with about 8 different tables where you could simply mingle with friends. Ron was already there and cast me many nasty glances. What is wrong with him?

Ron POV

Who does this guy think he is? Look he pulled out her chair! Wizarding culters! Is that what Issac is talking to Hermione about… WIZARDING CULTURES? I can't believe it. He's a guy. Has he no dignity. He should be here talking to me and Harry about Qudditch.

"Yum! Pasta!"

"Hi Ron."

Oh great Rosalynn.

"Hullo Rosalynn."

Honestly, I think she's stalking me.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"WHAT!"

"Do you…"

"No, I heard you," Wow! That was extremely blunt.

"Well then?"

"Well… ummm… no, but…"

"Do you want one?"

"Ummm… well… yes, but…."

"Great! Now you have one."

"WHAT! WHO!"

"Me, silly."

Am I in Hell? I think I'm in bloody Hell.

"Well, you see Rosalynn, you're really not my type. Why don't you… talk to… Harry… Harry?"

"What"

"Talk to Rosalynn."

Rosalynn POV

How rude! He strings me along and then tells me that I'm not his type. I can be his type, really. I can be anything he wants me to be.

Oh great, I have to talk to this guy.

"Ummm… hello," he said awkwardly.

"Hi," he's not my type. I know he's famous and everything, but… no. "You can go now."

"Oh thank god!"

I had suddenly lost my appetite. Maybe I'm too fat. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm too ugly! Hmmm… I'll figure it out in the safety of my dorm room.

Harry POV

I'm so glad to be away from that psycho. Hey! Where'd Neville go? I had a question for him. Oh well, maybe I'll go talk to Lavender.

"Hey Lavender."

"Oh, hello Harry, this is fun isn't it?" she had previously been in deep conversation about boys and make-up with a blonde witch.

"Well, I see that you're busy, I'll go."

"No, it's okay. This is Candice Rhyme. Candice this is Harry Potter."

"The Harry Potter? Wow! We're learning about you in defense against the dark arts, but I didn't know how young you were."

"Ummm… thanks?"

The blonde girl, Candice, kept staring at me, so I decided to go find someone else to talk to.

Millicent POV

I really think that Parson's guy is taking that Atkins thing a little too seriously. Sucks for him. He is such a wimp.

Goyle's looking at me strange. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind, a good beating. It's just an early Christmas present.

Goyle POV

She's coming toward me; Millicent (Milly) Bulstrode, that magnificent goddess. Wait, she looks mad. Put on an even madder face, Goyle. Grunt Grunt a little more. "Grunt, grunt," There that's good Goyle, grunt every so often. Put on your tough face. It's so hard she's just gliding so gracefully. Boink She fell down. Is she alright? Milly is making me melt, I must be by her side in her time of need.

"Milly are you alright?"

"Do I look alright?"

"Let me help you up."

"Get the hell away from me and don't call me Milly."

"But my dear punch, uh… I mean Millicent punch" Well she obviously doesn't like me using "my dear" and "Millicent," but Milly is my special name for her. Wait slap own face snap out of it.

Millicent is the same fat ugly (not to mention pimply) git from 2nd year… Millicent is the same fat, ugly, pimply git punch from the punch 2nd year… kick.

I have just one word in mind: OWWWWWWWW!

Malfoy POV

"Dude, what is up with your friend?" Parsons asked.

Oh, god! Goyle's getting his ass kicked by a girl. Remind me again why I know him.

"Seriously M – dog," umm… no, "that girl is fucking kicking his ass."

"Ummm… ow," Piper said as she looked up from powdering her nose. Granger should be more like that. "Well, I'm done," did she even eat anything? "I'm going to my room."

"Good idea. Are you coming Malfoy?"

"Oh yeah, Goyle, Crabbe, lets go." It was really pathetic. Millicent had beat the shit out of him. What has gotten into everyone?