A/N: First off we'd like to dedicate this chapter to devil's poodle for being our first and only review (we love ice cream and Veronica Mars too -.o) andwe've forgotten todo the disclaimer thingy so... WE DONTOWN ANYTHINGeven if its notHarryPotter related and you regonize it... you can bet thats its probably not ours.
Chapter 3: Celery and Dating
Harry POV
School has started. First Period, my favorite: potions, well at least no Snape. I might actually understand it this year without oil dripping down my spine.
Ron and I made our way to the "basement" and slid into the table next to Hermione and that American guy, Issac. Ron looked jealous, but also slightly scared. Ron needs to get a life!
"Hey Hermione, ummm… Issac."
"Hullo Harry," Hermione replied as she waved me off.
"We haven't seen you in a while," Ron cut in.
"I'm sorry, but I've finally found someone who doesn't spend their whole life talking about Quidditch and procrastinating on their homework."
"We don't always talk about Quidditch!" Ron protested.
"Food and girls don't count Ronald."
"Come on Ron, we'll talk to Hermione later. We don't have class with them next… errr… period."
Ron just mumbled. If he had asked her out before his jealously could have been avoided.
Here come those girls from yesterday. What were their names? Oh, Piper and Rosalynn.
Piper POV
I grabbed Rosalynn, she could distract the red pinhead. I need Potter. The cow deserved a break. She could have Malfoy… for now.
"Hey Potter, so how's your morning going?" I flashed my sexiest smile and showed a little leg.
"Alright, I suppose." Damn, why won't he look over here? What is he looking at… oh never mind.
"Does this robe make my ass look fat?" When in doubt show you ass.
"Umm… no, you look fine to me."
Harry POV
This Piper girl is really freaking me out.
"Aww… thanks."
Oh thank God, the teacher's coming!
"Hello, my name is Mr. Ponic and I will be your potions teacher this year." Mr. Ponic is a stout man, he seems very eccentric, a bit like Trelawny.
The rest of the period consisted of us taking notes on various potions and ingredients. Hermion and Issac seemed very interested, Ron seemed jealous.
Suddenly, a man's voice filled the room.
"Holy shit!" I heard Ron say.
"I would like to announce a dance in honor of our exchange students. It will be held on the 16th of September. Please dress casually. That is all."
Weird. What was that?
Bradford POV
B – Rad likes dancing. B – Rad likes hanging out will all the ladies. B – Rad thinks that Harry Potter needs to get his ass kicked for ignoring Piper. B – Rad wants Issac to come back to the group. B – Rad is going to fix this, gangsta style.
(A/N he's talking to himself in 3rd person)
Lavender POV
A dance! In my honor! Okay, mine and nine other people's honor, but a dance nonetheless. Dress casually. Who thought of that? I have this really stunning purple dress robe that looks fabulous on me. It's a shame all this beauty has to go to waste on casual Muggle clothing… But I guess I could wear that really cute ruffled skirt. I could totally pull it off.
Hermione POV
A dance. In our honor. How splendid. Really, it's so joyous. I can tell it will be a repeat of the Yule Ball except casual. Would they mind if I wore my school robes? I expect that Harry and Ron are going to freak out about getting dates. Who will be the next person Ron realizes is a girl? That Collins girl is probably going to ask Harry and Rosalynn will probably follow Ron around. Well, they will be quite preoccupied, so I'll probably go hang out with Issac.
NevillePOV
A dance! I have a feeling I'll be going to the hospital.
Issac POV
I believe that my loafers and corduroys and suspenders will suit this occasion. Tally – ho!
Pansy POV
What the hell is casual dress? Well, I'll be the best looking girl there is anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Now, who will have the honor of taking me to this… dance. I can't let that cow, Piper take my Draco.
I was wandering the halls for about 10 minutes and I ran into "B – Rad." God! He the oddest guy I have ever seen. And what is with that hat. It's like on, but it's crooked. Do American boys have any fashion sense? Do any boys have any fashion sense? I think not.
"You, Pan – z!" Oh god! He's talking to me.
"Hey ummm… B… errrr… Parsons."
"Pan – z, have you seen Piper?"
"Ummm… no why?"
"I wanted to know if Piper's going with Potter."
Ew! Who would go with Potter, but at least if she went with Potter I wouldn't have to compete for Malfoy.
"Parsons, have you seen Malfoy?" please, please I don't want to wander these creepy halls anymore.
"Yeah, Pan – z," please no, "he went to the bathroom, but won't we see him in Transfiguration?"
Oh, yeah, forgot about that.
Buzzzz! The bell.
"You Pan – z, come on. We're gonna be late."
Ew! He touched me.
Malfoy POV
I ditched potions. Who needs to learn all that stuff, when can I just pay someone to do it for me? My travels lead me to the boy's bathroom only to find Parsons standing outside. This was awkward.
"You! M – Dog! What up?"
"Hey, errr… Parsons. Why aren't you in class?"
"B – Rad doesn't need class."
"Errr… right," I said unsure of what to do know. "I've gotta go now, bye." And like that I tore into boy's bathroom.
Wow! It is nothing like the ones at Hogwarts. There were no stone floors and concrete walls, but tile and well, ok there was still concrete. There was not a giant sink, but 3 plaster white ones with metal piping.
Hey! A mirror! Look how sexy I am. So glad I lost the hair gel now. Is that… a zit? Malfoy's don't get zits; those are for people with oily skin, like Potter. Oh, wait, that's just my nose, hee…hee…hee, never mind.
These uniforms are soooooooo, weird. There are way too many pockets and who the hell is Lincoln?
Millicent POV
I bet Goyle, the caveman is going to ask me to this horrid event. How did such an oaf get sorted into Slytherin? Where is the cunning? I mean really. Who knows how he passes the exams? He's not even hot. All the Slytherins guys are hot, except Goyle and Crabbe. You'd think they date. They spend so much time together. It's touching, really.
Crabbe POV
Goyle is really confusing me. He keeps saying, "I have this friend who likes this girl, but he doesn't know how to ask her out?" I'll die from not knowing what he is talking about. I want to know who he is talking about. Is it me? Who do I like? Who do I want to ask out? I'm his only friend really, except for Draco, who has the guts to ask any girl out. I think it's because of his rock solid abs.
"Why don't you ask that biz – nat kid?" I said. "I'd rather have HIM die then me," I muttered.
Bradford POV
That big, fat kid approached me. He really does need to go on the Atkins diet.
"Yo, sup dawg," I greeted his squashed ass of a face.
"Uhh… well, I don't know when we are going to eat… but grunt I need help."
"With your diet? Dawg, if it doesn't work in a month just stick a stick down your throat in front of the toilet after ya eat. Really works to slim you down for the ladies."
"Well, about that I have this friend who wants to ask this girl out but he doesn't know how to and well…" Oh so he needs advice. He wants precious advice from this lady's man. Well, it is my biz – nat to assist. "First off, your friend needs some sort of cologne or aftershave, a signature scent. Ladies love that. Oh, and some choc – co – late and flowers. They love that sort of thing. Cuz dawg they want to feel special. Dress up too."
"What do I … I mean, what does my friend say?"
"Say: Yo, you are looking fiiiiiiiine tonight. You – me – dance – September. Then grab her ass."
"Aw, well, thanks for your help."
Gosh. I'm pathetic. B – Rad shouldn't be sharing his secrets. B – Rad needs to get biz – ay to find a date
Goyle POV
Ok, ok I need to find a scent. Ummm… hmmmm… well I guess Draco wouldn't mind if I used some of his aftershave. "Guaranteed to make you wintertime fresh," Dab some on face More… more… there we go. How do I look? I need to go to the loo.
"Who has been using LIBERAL AMOUNTS of MY AFTERSHAVE? Who? Crabbe or Goyle, if it's you I'll never let you have tea with me again!"
But I love tea with Malfoy! How do I get this stuff off of myself. Uhhh… Toilet! Uhhhhh… open toilet seat. Splash water, get off, get off, scent begone. More… more… ok, I think it's gone. No, need more. There we go. That's the ticket. I guess I might as well just ask the girl. Chocolate? Check. Flowers? Check. I'll just have to go without the scent…
Millicent POV
Ahhh.. Food. Finally content. I am at peace. After the grueling classes is food. The wonderful, wonderful comfort of food. Why is there heavy breathing over my shoulder? And why is there the smell of ass? I'm afraid to look behind. Oh, it's that oaf, Goyle. Sniff, sniff. He has chocolate and flowers. Oh, god, he's going to ask me out. I suppose he just loves getting Christmas presents from me…
"Yo, Milly, uhh… Millicent uhh… Bulstrode. Sup? You – are – looking – fine – tonight. You – me – dance – September. Grab – her – ass."
The oaf is reading off his hand. Did he just say what I think he said?
"Oh, you really don't learn to you." I'm going to have to teach him some manners. "What did you punch say punch?"
"Will you go to the dance punch with me?"
"Hmmm… let me think… not a chance in hell."
Punch push to ground, kick, kick, punch
"Guess that's a no."
"Ugh."
"Please don't hurt me." I always knew he was a wimp. Great git thinks he can just waltz up to me and ask me on a date. Me, Millicent Bulstrode who doesn't let anybody get in her way. Plus, he smells like ass, now that's just gross.
Ron POV
I was sitting under a tree minding my own business when Hermione and Issac walk by. They were deep in discussion about… I dunno, something. I don't care about and Hermione was giggling. GIGGLING! What is wrong with her? She never giggles around Harry or me.
"Hey Ron!" Hermione gasped.
"Hermion, Issac," I said coldly. Ha! That shows her.
"Ron, my good man, how are you doing on this fine day?" ok, I seriously think he's mocking the British with all his BS proper talk.
I decided not to answer.
"Hellooooooooo? Ron?" Ha, my plan is working, she wants me to pay attention. I said nothing. "Ronald Weasley! What is your problem?"
I didn't answer.
"Ronald Weasley! Why aren't you talking? You are being an insufferable prat!" Ouch, harsh…
"It's okay Hermione. We'll good day Ron." Good day my ass. Hey! They're gone.
I continued to sit on the grass under the weeping willow, not doing anything, just sitting and thinking. Then all of a sudden I heard footsteps. I turned around… Rosalynn.
"Hiiiiiiii Ron…" she cooed.
"Hullo," Maybe if I act like an… what did Hermione call me, oh an insufferable prat, she'll just go away.
"Sooo, Ron," uh oh, this can't be good, "I was wondering," Oh god save me now, "do you wanna go to the dance with me?"
"No," I replied bluntly.
She looked sad, but she continued, "But Ron, we have this cosmic connection," she's reminding me of Looney Lovegood, "Both our names start with R and an O."
Alright she's officially insane.
"Ummm… still, no."
"Well, why not?" She's pouting, errr… trying to.
"Cuz, you're not my type." What else was I suppose to say?
"Yes, I am. I can't be whatever type you want."
Now she's just desperate. "Not gonna work Rosalynn."
Rosalynn POV
Why was he turning me down? What's wrong with me? I'd do anything for him! Maybe he's just playing hard to get? Well, two can play at this game.
"Fine, I'll go ask your friend to go with me."
"Whatever Rosalynn," I love it when he says my name.
"Damn, now I've gotta go find one of his friends. Oh look there's Potter! "Oooooh Harry!"
Harry POV
Oh, god, Rosalynn, maybe if I pretend I don't see her, she'll just go away.
"Harry!" shit, she caught me.
"Rosalynn, good to see you, are you looking for Ron? He's out by that tree out there, well see you." Run, run, run.
"No, actually, I was looking for you." This doesn't sound good. "I was wondering if you'd go to the dance with me."
"Ummm…" gotta think fast, "but I wouldn't want to umm… take that umm… honor from Ron, so no, sorry." Ok, ok, I owe Ron big time, but I have a hard time keeping Piper away from me.
"Oh, ok." Good she's gone, but I still need to find a date for this thing. Well, it was hell at the Yule Ball. Maybe, I'll go stag… yep that's it, stag.
Rosalynn POV
Ron really does like me! He IS just playing hard to get! I'm sooooooooo incredibly happy! But I still need to find a date to make my Ron jealous. Who else came with him? Oh, yes that Neville guy. Now where would he be… He's kinda fat… oh, he'd be in the caf.
Ah ha, there he is. "Hey, Neville, whatcha doin'?"
Neville POV
Oh, dear god! This girl who looks like she might get violent and is coming toward me; isn't she usually around Ron? "Hey Neville, whatcha doin'?"
"Well, I'm eating."
"Whatcha eating?" Is she bonkers can't she see I'm eating pie and celery?
"So umm… what is your name?"
"Rosalynn silly."
Oh dear god, I knew I shouldn't have come on this trip. She is that girl that follows Ron around. What is she doing here? I heard she is really close to getting some psychiatric help. I hope it's not contagious. "Ummm… I was wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me," she started to twirl her hair.
"What about Ron? Did you ask him? I'm sure that he…" then she put her finger to my lips.
"Shhhh… Don't talk about that demented psycho that has the most gorgeous voice and hair and oh, his freckles. He is just playing with me. We'll show him…" oh and Ron's the psycho. She is being very annoying, I want to eat my celery. "And if you don't," she whispered, "DIE, DIE, DIE hahahaha DIE."
"Well, I… I guess soooo," she is very intimidating.
"What did you say, Neville, YOU'LL GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME. YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME. OKAY, I WILL. I'LL FORGET ABOUT RONALD…for now. Remember be nice or you'll PAY!"
Why does some psycho have to force me to attend a dance with her? I'm a good person. I get good grades. I trip all the time and am going on a date with a stalker. What a good life.
Hermione POV
I slammed the door of my dormitory. Ron is so… he is such a, a boy. He really is an insufferable prat. Wait, he isn't acting like a boy, he's acting like a girl. He is like when Lavender refused to talk to Parvati and Seamus when she thought they were dating rolls eyes I better go meet Issac and apologize for Mr. Ronald Weasley's behavior. He has always been a tad bit immature, but this is an all time low. I can't understand why he was ignoring our presence for no apparent reason, honestly. I really don't know what's gotten into him.
Issac POV
"B – Rad why don't you just go by Bradford. It really is you name. All the Hogwarts students just avoid calling you B – Rad, they call you Parsons." I was in another dispute with Bradford III about his ridiculous name (the name he insists on everyone calling him). "Why can't we just call you Brad, at least, not this B – Rad nonsense. I'm afraid that you will become a shudder gangster."
"But that is who I am. I'm Kinetic's most wanted – Fa sha. I'm the schizzle fa nizzle and y'all better recognize. I'm big pimpin' y'all. Yo, man I gots street probs. My mama won't let me buy another Sean John jersey."
"You're just another rich gansta wannabe," Piper stepped in. "Now I have a problem, the famous Potter kid doesn't notice me. Maybe I need to lose more weight." She wandered off. Then Hermione broke our conversation. Her hair was all messed up and bushy and she looked annoyed. She saw me and ran over.
"I've been looking all over for you. I just wanted to apologize for Ron's behavior. I don't know why he was being so testy earlier and now he ignores us. He'll get over it, he always does. Ron is usually rather pleasant. I hope you don't get the wrong idea about him. He is just very protective. Maybe it's some Ginny thing."
"Oh, it's quite alright. I'm sure he has to be splendid if you are in his company. Ahhh, I bet it's a phase… just simply a phase."
"Oh, well, goodbye. I have to complete some homework before I go to dinner. I really don't want to get behind."
I don't really see why Hermione doesn't just date Ronald; they really care about each other. Why doesn't she date Harry? He's cute. I'd date him in a heartbeat, if I were a girl. But Piper wants him, so nothing can be done.
Lavender POV
"Really, Candice, I'd die if you weren't here. Where did you get your hair cut? Those layers really compliment your square–shaped face."
"Well, my mom does it. She used to be a hairdresser at this Muggle shop called Super Cuts."
"Hmmm…" Candice is no Parvati though. A good substitute, but not as trustworthy or interesting. I hope nothing is happening back home. If Parvati and Seamus get together I will kill them both and enjoy every minute of it.
"Blech. Why does this school food have so much celery…"