Many thanks to those who reviewed! Here's another one:
(Once again, think: 'thick British accents.' Enjoy!)
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Chapter 2: "Disarmed"
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Vash was happily strolling down through the bustling desert town of July. He paused to look up at the building he stood before.
"Yep, this seems like the right place." Vash smiled and went on in and strode through the large doors.
Vash was met with a surprise.
" 'Ello, eh chap!" Knives smiled and waved at his brother.
"What's THIS then?" Vash exclaimed in horror, first pointing at Knives, and then at the guy slumped over the desk who was in a dark puddle which covered the whole of it.
"That's not a proper greeting, eh, brothah," Knives seeming mildly offended, as he hopped off the corner of the desk and smirked at Vash.
Vash blinked, ignoring Knives, and went to get a closer look at the not-moving guy.
"What's with him?" Vash asked, "He looks quite ill. Is he having a bit of a nap?"
Knives laughed, "No, Vash, he's not having a bit of a nap."
"Is he counting sheep then?" Vash continued.
"No." Knives was getting annoyed.
"Do you think we should wake 'im?" Vash gave the guy a poke.
Knives sighed with aggravation, "You can't wake 'im, cause he's dead!"
"Are you sure?" Vash gave Knives a skeptical look.
"I am pretty sure since I killed him myself 20 minutes ago." Knives replied.
"Huh?" Vash gasped, "HE'S DEAD?"
Knives sighed, "I'd THOUGHT you'd have NOTICED!" He practically yelled, turning to Vash.
Vash began to whimper, and then bawling uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry," Vash pouted, "I'm…a little slow sometimes…"
"There, there," Knives embraced his brother, "It's alright."
"…"
"Hey, wait a second," Vash said as he jumped away from Knives, "YOU didn't kill him, DID you?"
"…"
"I told you I killed him 10 seconds ago!" Knives exclaimed.
"Ah!" Vash gasped, backing up, "You fiend!"
"Oh, please, Vash," Knives looked hurt by the comment, "I haven't seen you in a long time. This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who…"
Vash jumped and reached for both the silver and black guns in his holsters and readied them at Knives, but Knives had thought ahead...
"I shoot in your general direction!" Knives pulled out a huge high-powered weapon, "Ha. Ha!"
Knives' bullet connected with Vash and sent him flying across the room.
Knives took one look at Vash, and then blew the smoke away from his gun, declaring, "I win!"
"This is far from over!" Vash exclaimed.
Knives blinked, "You're in no shape to fight!"
"What?"
"Your arm's off!" Knives pointed at the object that had a great resemblance to said arm that was clear across the other side of the room.
Vash looked around for a moment as if accessing the situation.
"No, it's not!" Vash argued.
Knives grunted in aggravation, "What do you call that then?"
"What?" Vash asked with curiosity.
"Your left arm is clear across on the other side of the room!"
"No it isn't." Vash said quickly.
"You've been dismembered!" Knives yelled.
"No I haven't."
Knives pointed furiously, "Your member has dissed you!"
"What makes you think that?"
"LOOK!" Knives pointed at Vash's ripped red coat and the puddle of red stuff dripping from his stump of a left arm.
"Oh."
"How do you explain that, eh?" Knives leaned closer to him with his hands on his hips.
"Erm…special effects?" Vash smiled hopefully.
"SPECIAL effects!" Knives exclaimed in disbelief.
Vash nodded with a smile.
"…then where's your other gun?" Knives asked smugly.
"Why it's…" Vash raised his right arm with a gun and tried to move his left arm when—
"AHHhhhh!" Vash suddenly exclaimed, startling Knives.
"What IS it?" Knives was getting tired of this.
"It's just a scratch!" Vash boldly leapt up from the floor.
"Eh?" Knives raised an eyebrow.
"I can take you!" Vash pointed his gun at his brother.
"Are you nuts?" Knives yelled, "Your BLOODY arm's OFF!"
"Well, of course it's going to be bloody, that's what happens with flesh wounds." Vash said matter-of-factly.
"You stupid boob!" Knives exclaimed, "I meant 'bloody' as in more of an explicative, than as a descriptive, yet appropriately accurate adjective in reference to your current situation!"
"Oh."
"It's an understandable mistake." Knives comforted.
"Ah." Vash nodded.
"…" Knives blinked.
"…where were we?" Vash asked.
"I don't right know." Knives shrugged.
"…something about an arm?"
"Perhaps…" Knives rubbed his chin.
"Oh right," Vash smiled, "now I remember!"
"Marvelous!" Knives walked back over and hopped back on the desk.
"…" Vash blinked, staring at the ceiling.
Knives furrowed his brow impatiently, "Get on with it!"
Vash thought for a few moments, "Did you just SHOOT my ARM off?"
Knives blinked, "Did you just now notice?"
"You bloody did, didn't you?" Vash yelled.
"Yes." Knives said as he nodded.
Vash mumbled, "You done ruined a perfectly good jacket."
"I've done what?" Knives made a weird face at Vash
"My dry-cleaning! I demand that you pay for my dry cleaning!" Vash shouted at his brother.
Knives was aghast, "I'll do no such thing!"
Knives crossed his arms and stared at Vash. Vash glared at his brother.
"Why," Vash whined, "Why did you hav' ta go and shoot my arm off?"
"…" Knives looked away grumbled, "I only wanted me gun back."
"You could've just ASKED!" Vash stated.
Knives blinked, "Didn't think o' that…"
Vash whined on a bit more, wailing and making indistinguishable sounds.
"Oh SHUT UP!" Knives snapped at his brother and waltzed over to the arm still clutching the black gun.
He reached to pick it up.
"Oh, 'Ey!" Vash complained, "What are ya doin'?"
"Finders keepers…" Knives chuckled.
"But that's mine!" Vash whined.
Knives picked up the arm and gun, separated the two, holstered the black gun, and then took Vash's severed limb by the wrist.
"It's MINE now." Knives smiled slyly and dangled and waved the arm in Vash's face.
Vash scowled at Knives, "GIVE it!"
"What are you gonna do," Knives laughed, "bleed on me?"
Vash rushed Knives. Knives hopped up on the desk.
"Just try it!" Knives taunted Vash with his arm further.
Vash jumped up at the arm again and again, but Knives pulled it away.
"Uh… Uh!" Vash whined as he hopped and hopped and hopped, but Knives was standing on the desk and he couldn't reach.
"Ha. HA!" Knives taunted Vash and smirked.
"Gimmie!" Vash whined and bawled, reaching as high as he could with his right arm.
"Oh shut up!" Knives just laughed, "Or I'll beat you with the wet end!"
"…"
"I thought so." Knives smirked.
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"Is there any way you'll give me my arm back?" Vash pleaded.
"Well…" Knives contemplated, "Perhaps…if you bring me something of…value."
"What do you want?" Vash asked cautiously.
"You must bring me…" Knives said, "…a shrubbery."
"A…what?" Vash asked quizzically.
"It's a plant." Knives explained, "…a small one."
"What do you want with a shrubbery?" Vash asked.
"I'm…lonely." Knives mumbled.
"…right." Vash was confused.
And so Vash walked out the door and embarked on the daring quest for the shrubbery. He met many perils on his way down the street such as the dreaded Krispie Kreme and Dunkin Donuts which nearly stopped the fearless warrior in his tracks—especially the frightening Dunkin Donuts which would have you believe that "doughnut" is spelled "donut" when it is actually spelled "doughniut." Brave Vash escaped the peril and tore himself away from the sweet baking smells and arrived at a merchant stand two blocks down the street.
Vash stood behind the merchant stand and looked at the large sign with large print that said "Shrubbery Shop."
"Hello?" Vash asked.
A young man with strange hair appeared, "Yes, what can I do ya for?"
"Do you by any chance sell shrubberies?" Vash questioned.
The man blinked and glance up at the store sign and then glanced back at Vash in mild annoyance, "Yes, shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Legato the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies."
"So, there are shrubberies to be had here?" Vash continued.
Legato blinked, "Well… you're a daft git aren't you?"
"Pardon?"
The young man sighed, "You want just one shrubbery?"
"Yes, thank you." Vash smiled.
"You're in luck." Legato continued, "We just got our instant shrubbery machine in today! All I have to do is throw in some sand and it works."
"Fascinating…" Vash ogled at the advanced machine behind the young blue haired man.
"See…" Legato started, "I just pick up some sand, and insert it here—"
Suddenly the machine turned on prematurely.
"AH!" Legato the shrubber screamed, "It's caught me arm! It's stuck!"
Vash tried to help.
"Ah me arm! It took off me left arm! ACK!" Legato screamed and turned to Vash, "The machine ate it! It's all your bloody fault, because you just HAD to HAVE a shrubbery today DIDN'T you!"
"No! Noooooo!" Vash wailed and took off running down the street.
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"Did you get the shrubbery?" Knives scrutinized Vash carefully.
"N—no…" Vash explained.
"Oh, well…" Knives snapped his fingers.
"ACK!" Vash yelled.
There was a growing flash of light. A few poor bastards off in the town spotted the bright bubble of light. Their eyes went wide.
"RUN AWAY!"
"RUN AWAY!"
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After the explosion, Knives wandered the streets and gleefully observed the carnage. He spotted one bloke who was trying his very best to pry something from a stubborn shrubbery machine.
Knives waltzed over to Legato's Shrubbery Shop.
"Excuse me," Knives called out, leaning his elbow against the counter.
"Yes?" Legato spun around, blood dripping from his shoulder.
Knives smiled, and waved Vash's arm in the air, "Are you, by chance, in need of a limb?"
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End.
(…of this particular tale.)
More silliness next chapter!
Review please! Thanks so much!
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Disclaimer: the usual… I don't own Trigun or Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Review!
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