Happy belated Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it. Sorry I'm getting this out so late, but at least I got to it on Friday!
Much love
-Twised
Everything had changed.
The Isle was a survival of the strongest and meanest, it always had been.
But now?
Strength was magic.
And magic was cruel.
She shakes her head as she looks away from the notebook, letting her broken pencil fall to the pages as she looks around the cabin.
Had she really slept for nearly a week?
She stands, gritting her teeth as her shirt slips off her shoulder.
Not a now problem.
Not a now problem.
She jerks the material up and walks over to the bed.
Why?
Why was she the only one who stayed down after that-
She closes her eyes against the brush of knowledge.
-spell of death.
Uma and Gil explained what happened, in vague terms.
So then, how did she know?
It was infuriating.
She could see the radiating black columns of light, even though she had never seen them.
The pure disgust.
The hatred.
The stench of evil.
Souls.
So many souls.
She swallows hard against the heat building up in her mouth.
Was this part of her exhaustion, or part of her strange memories of things she shouldn't know?
All the kids-
Many she knew. Had written about.
They were so good-hearted.
But now they were gone.
"Deez," Gil startles her, his tone heavy with concern as he brushes away her tears with a gentle swipe of his thumb, "what's wrong?"
She rolls her lips over her teeth.
How could she explain something she didn't understand?
And how would they take it? Knowing that she knew something so-
Abhorrent.
And would it worry them?
Because she certainly shouldn't know the things crowding her mind right now.
She sighs before she takes Gil's hand to play with the compass on his palm, "it's, it's just hard to shake the way it felt right before we passed out."
The finger tracing the lines stops when she feels Gil shudder.
"Sorry."
He shakes his head, "no, it's just-" he sighs, "I get it."
She nods and resumes running her finger over his palm.
This was one of many things she loved doing when she needed time to think.
It was comforting, retracing a pattern she'd followed hundreds of times before.
"I was kinda hopin' you wouldn't remember with how long ya slept." He admits softly as he runs a hand through her hair. "One good thing, ya know?"
"I had a similar thought when you first woke up after the wave." She nods absently, "so I get it."
He nods in understanding, "how's it coming?"
"The resting or the writing?"
"Honestly, both. I can't imagine either are easy right now."
She guides him over to the table, pausing as she eyes the door, "I'm not keeping you, am I?"
He blushes, "I mean-"
"Oh no," she laughs as she twists to pull him towards the door, "I am not getting you in trouble."
"Wait-" he chuckles, "I still gotta grab stuff."
She crosses her arms over her chest, trying to make her face look like Uma's when she was being stern.
Gil shakes his head before he grabs his collection of pocket knives, "Uma'd be proud of that look. Very disapproving."
"Yeah?" She asks excitedly, only to frown at how easily he'd gotten her to break.
"Very much so." He grins as he starts for the door. "All you're missin' is the deadly intent."
"Ah, I'll have to practice more." She steps to block his path.
"On T."
"Yeah right. He has zero problems tossing me in water," she snorts, "no thank you."
"That's-" he pauses, "terrifying."
She shrugs, "I think it's just how we bond at this point."
Or used to bond, at least.
He shakes his head, "was that supposed to help?"
She purses her lips to the side, "It's supposed to do whatever the truth does?"
"Great." He eyes her curiously. "Change your mind on my leaving?"
She grins as she laces her fingers with his free hand, "no. Just wanted to say thank you for checking on me."
Gil grins boyishly as he tugs her off balance, only to catch her to his chest, "don't tell Uma?"
"Don't get caught and I doubt it will come up," she throws back with a grin.
It was getting easier.
Smiling even though, in the back of her mind, she was seeing things she'd never seen before.
Lives.
Mundane moments.
Scary things.
Something bad in the dark.
Like a gruesome fireside show on repeat.
"Guess I better get going then." He chuckles before he steals a kiss, "I'll be right on deck if you need me, kay?"
"Kay." She loosens her grip and takes a step back, "better get back to our jobs."
"Work. Work. Work." He presses a kiss to her forehead before he runs a hand through her hair lovingly.
She stares at the door for a long time after he leaves.
She was cold again.
Unsteady.
As if the ship were in the middle of a violent blizzard.
It scared her how easily it crept back in once warmth left.
Once they left.
But they all had jobs to do.
Uma was in charge of-
She laughs dryly.
What wasn't she in charge of anymore?
She was proud of her. Proud of how quickly she took to the idea of VKs, Sidekicks, and Urchins looking out for each other.
But in true Uma fashion, she was doing too much.
At least she had a good crew now. One that wouldn't make her shoulder all the burdens of having a ship and mouths to feed.
Harry sang her praises before he left to teach another group to swim.
She was glad to know the pool hadn't been damaged, and that it was exactly what the others needed.
He'd stopped in twice to check on her, so something told her Uma wouldn't get upset over it
Gil, when he wasn't sneaking away to check on her, was teaching his own group how to work ropes.
Not that she minded the interruptions. For the first time ever, she found herself understanding why people worried about how much she was in her head.
Because her head was not a fun place right now.
She shakes off a shiver before she forces herself to turn back to the room.
She was not Shrimpy, and she refused to wait by the door as if she were drowning without their warmth.
No matter how true it felt.
Faustina must be down in her workroom with her herbs.
Another chill chases down her back.
The image of T that flashed before her eyes-
Except she wasn't the one who saw him.
Them.
T and Yensid.
She knew they were right in the middle of the spell, or in the middle of a part of it.
But how?
She twists her fingers through her hair and tugs.
How?
It was driving her insane.
She was seeing someone else's memories.
A lot of different someones' memories.
That was the only thing that made sense at this point.
But how?
And why, when there was nothing she could do-
"Deez?" Faustina's quiet worry penetrates the thickening fog of panic as a firm hand squeezes her shoulder, "Star Gazer?"
She jumps and twists in mid-air, one hand against the pounding in her chest as she uses her other to create space.
"Sorry," Faustina frowns as she steps back.
"Sorry!" She gulps in air, "sorry. I, I must have not heard you come in."
"No need to apologize," Faustina smiles sadly, "I can't even fathom what you're going through right now."
Cold tingles from her spine to her fingers as she takes a step back before she forces a confused smile on her face, "I mean, sure, it's a little frustrating being confined to the room."
Faustina's gaze turns wistful as she stares at the fabric in her hands, "I know it isn't easy."
She drops her gaze as her teeth worry her lip.
Of course Faustina understood.
She'd grown up locked away.
No Pain or Panic to care for her.
No one until T.
And here she was complaining about being confined to the room for a day.
"Sorry."
Faustina tilts her head, "whatever for?"
She walks over to the table where her pages of notes and notebooks were messily strown, "I guess the easiest way to explain would be I'm sorry you know."
Faustina joins her after some hesitation, "you'll have your freedom soon enough, they're just worried right now." Her lip twitches, "well, perhaps not free from Gil, but I've never heard you complain about his need to be near you.."
She smiles.
Gil made her feel better; he always had.
"No. I can't complain about that." She sighs before she starts collecting her notes.
She wasn't finding any inspiration in them anyway. "So," she shuffles the pages together until they're as neat as she can make them, "how're the herbs?"
Faustina smiles as she folds a familiar gray fabric into a smaller square to lay on the table, "lovely. I didn't realize how much solace I take in just preparing them. The smell alone has done wonders for my worries."
She takes a steadying breath, feeling comforted by the passion Faustina had when she got to have one-on-one time with her, and got her to talk about something she loved.
"You do have a stronger herbal scent, almost like the teas Yensid has."
"It's been a while since I've been able to handle them while they're this fresh, the scents are always so much more pungent at this stage."
She closes her eyes when she notices the fabric, or at least registers what the fabric was for.
Was she becoming so transparent that even her stupidest, most selfish whims were easy to read?
Faustina gently nudges her shoulder against hers, "Whatever nastiness that is, it needs to stop. The Isle is a cruel enough place without whatever it is you're bullying yourself over."
She blinks in surprise.
So, she was getting easier to read.
But that was secondary.
She'd never heard Faustina take that tone, or sound so self-assured.
She tilts her head to fully look over, and can't help the smile, "isn't that a little pot to kettle?"
"Oh, very much so." Faustina nods, "but I'd expect nothing less than the same reminder in kind."
"Fair." She lays the stack of papers on the table as she slips into the chair next to Faustina, tugging the frayed hem of Harry's shirt down to cover her knees, "so, I guess my next question would be, how do you make it stop?"
Faustina frowns as she eyes the ceiling thoughtfully for a moment before her emerald eyes settle on her, "I've yet to find a long-lasting solution for them, but I have found that distractions and rituals tend to help keep them at bay."
She frowns, "like tracing the compass?"
Faustina's brow furrows thoughtfully, "does it keep the darkness at bay?"
She slowly nods.
"Then yes, like tracing the compass."
"Guess that's what I've been doing then, but you're right," she pulls her knees to her chest, "it doesn't last long."
She bites her bottom lip as she stares at the red patterns of Faustina's hair hanging in her eyes.
Did she know something?
"It's also easier when you're comfortable." Faustina smiles as she offers her the fabric.
"Thanks." She runs her hand over the slippy material before her eyes widen, "T stole new robes?"
"T?" Faustina snorts, "He wishes. Not that he hasn't tried." She chuckles, "no. Those were procured by Pain and Panic after catching T."
She snorts as she plays with the fabric, "they would risk everything to clothe me."
"People do foolish things for love."
She smiles, but a brush of a new memory makes her shiver, "they also do stupid things for stupid reasons."
Who was the woman with red eyes?
Faustina's hand hesitantly takes one of hers and cups it. "Such is the folly of free will- But can you imagine a world without it?"
"Free will?" She lets her head fall back against the chair.
They didn't have many choices here, but time and time again she'd seen some people around her make wonderful choices, and others-
Followed the rules.
It was what made her love humans. How different each person chose things.
How people in the same situation would make vastly different choices.
And if the price of letting people make good choices-
T's drive to save people from bullies.
Uma plucking Gil and Harry from their lives and forming a better one together.
Gil facing his greatest fear because he was worried about the sounds of sobs.
Mal keeping Evie, Carlos, herself, and even T on the occasion safe- Not that she'd ever admit the latter.
Evie protecting Dizzy from her family's harsh politics.
Carlos teaching a potential enemy, as laughable as it was now, to read.
Jay jumping in to make everyone feel better, even when he hated dealing with tears.
Harry's choice to befriend the enemy, just so he could better watch over someone his family cared about.
Faustina helping a boy out because he was crying over being forced to wear a dress.
Yensid leaving his entire life behind for the chance to make a difference on an Isle of evil, because he learned of children stuck there.
If the price of allowing people to make those choices was that the other spectrum had to be able to make equally bad ones?
Wasn't that punishing everyone for a few bad people?
"I guess not." She slumps down further in the chair, "even if it would have stopped the witches, what would be the point if no one can make their own choices."
"It's something I remind myself of when the darkness starts to become too crippling. That if evil didn't exist, then neither would the light. You can't have one without the other."
"Too bad Auradon didn't know that before they separated Good and Evil."
"There are no simple answers when it comes to what is right."
"That sounded very Yensid-ish." She grins, "guess I'll have to remember that one too."
"The benefits to being T's sister." Faustina sighs, "You more than most know how close he walks to the dark in order to preserve those that have chosen to stay in the light."
She blinks, and for a moment she's staring up at the women with wild hair and red stained-
Black eyes?
Pain whips across her throat, and in that same moment, T sinks his daggers into the woman in front of her.
No.
Not her.
This isn't me.
"I wasn't there!" She shouts as she falls from the chair, ignoring the way the room swayed as it came back into view.
"Deez?" Faustina watches her, eyes bright with concern as she joins her.
She looks around, gasping for air before she slaps her hand over her throat.
She sighs in relief when her fingers come away blood free.
"I- I think I-"
Words.
Something.
She was thinking.
Thinking a million thoughts all at once-
Why couldn't she grab one thought?
"Deez," Faustina wraps her fingers around her wrist, "my dearest Star Gazer, you need to breathe."
Breathing made sense.
"I don't want to see this! I don't want to hurt people! I wasn't even there, why do I have soul memories?"
She didn't want to be a demi of death.
Not like this.
Faustina's brow furrows, "soul memories?"
"Father can see them, when he looks. But I don't know how to do that. I've never tried. I wouldn't try. But I know things. And I know I shouldn't know these things because I'm not me in them."
Faustina frowns as she studies her thoughtfully.
"You can't tell him I can do this."
"Tell him you can't do what?"
"See into souls. See memories. I don't know how, or why, but I saw it. I saw so much of it. The witches, the lights," she chokes, "the kids. Yensid and T."
Faustina stills, studying her until understanding slowly dawns in her eyes and suddenly she's encompassed in a hug. "Oh, Star no…" She whispers into her hair after she curls around her protectively.
Why couldn't she stop?
She wasn't going to tell anyone.
Didn't understand it, so she hadn't wanted to talk about it.
Memories of death while trapped in sleep?
But after that last brush-
It was like she couldn't shut up.
As if she were trapped in a glass cage, begging herself to stop.
Just stop talking.
But it was no good.
Names.
Feelings.
Relationships.
Everything, everything about these souls-
It was flowing and she couldn't shut up.
Sobs, muffled in Faustina's embrace, rip her throat like the discordant vibrations of knives and glass shards.
Backlash from the beginning of the ritual.
And she could see that now.
Ursula.
Narcissa.
Gothel, though she looked different now.
Younger?
Mim.
The witch with black eyes.
The one T killed.
She could see them.
See them with kids!
A heaviness like a concrete building slides into her lungs.
Who was with her?
Who else was hurting over the disgusting amount of death hanging in the air.
Death.
Her eyes burn and she presses her hands to them, afraid she'd find blood when she pulled them away.
Like the witch.
She couldn't do this.
The world spins around her.
The floor is swept out from under her as she finds herself cradled to another's chest.
"Gil?" Her voice was a thin squeak.
Everything was blurry and chaotic.
One moment she'd see wood, and the next she would be in the dark.
It was hard to tell memories from what was real.
"Sorry, just me." Faustina whispers softly, "give me a moment and I'll retrieve him."
"No!" She shakes her head as she blindly clings to Faustina, "no. Please no. Don't leave me."
"Ssshhh," Faustina coaxes, "shhh, it's alright. If you want me to stay, I'll stay."
She nods as her fingers continue to wrap into layers of fabric, "don't leave me. You're real. If you leave, I won't know anymore."
"Deez…" Faustina's whisper cracks, "I'm not going anywhere, promise. But I'm going to need you to trust me alright? Can you do that?"
Her teeth chatter as she nods.
"That's my Constellation Chaser." Faustina presses a shaky kiss to her temple before she feels herself placed to her feet. "Just listen to my voice okay. I just need to gather some things. But I'm right here. In the cabin. We're together, and we're safe."
She instantly lays on the ground, curling into a ball with her ear pressed to the floor.
The ship.
Faustina's footsteps.
Her voice.
The waves crashing against the hull.
Uma shouting orders over the rain.
Gil gently correcting someone's knot work.
"And I'm back," Faustina warns before she finds herself picked up. "Sorry." She places a kiss on her forehead.
Not a moment later finding herself tucked someplace small, dark, and soft.
"Just a moment longer, promise." Faustina assures her, as she starts sharing a story about how she and T used to spar.
She listens as best she can with the flood of memories threatening to drown her, but soon she finds herself clinging to each word.
Just like she had with Faustina's story about how she first met Gil.
The memories were still there, but now they were a trickle in the back of her mind.
"Needless to say he's yet to succeed." Faustina sighs contently before she smiles sheepishly, "which, my apologies dear StarGazer, is the reason he started playing Surprise with you, to prove a point."
She snorts. "Yeah, that checks."
It was easier to breathe.
Easier to see.
The space darkens further before she finds Faustina curled around her.
"Doesn't it just." Faustina sighs.
She was her. Just her.
No more memories trying to trap her.
She closes her eyes, content in the dark space Faustina found.
"I'm so sorry."
"We're family, my darling Star Gazer, there's nothing for you to be sorry for. This isn't your fault. You've done nothing worth meriting an apology."
She was so tired now.
In every conceivable way.
"Thank you."
Faustina chuckles as she brushes her fingers through her hair, "you are most welcome little sister." She places a kiss at the top of her head.