Act 2, Part 3: Honesty and Effort
"Here, look at this one. I think it's translatable too," Bianca observed. "Do you have the table for Nymphic?"
"Yes, let me pull it out," Heinrich replied.
Idalia watched, half bemused and half bored, at the two magicians poring over their stacks of books. She was only meant to stay in Ereve for a few more days, just long enough for the meeting with Athena Pierce and to treat her injuries.
She'd been surprised to see how well Heinrich and Bianca had been getting along. It seemed like she'd made the right call to write to Grendel. In just three months, the two had already managed to create a complex mapping of roots, allowing them to create a rough translation of the archaic language in the Book of Ancient. Just a few phrases, but still, it was progress nonetheless.
"'Solar… position?' Um… something, something, um, `rise hope of sun, fair noon, love of vesper,'" Heinrich translated with uncertainty. "Well, that's, um… something."
"…I have no idea what that means," Bianca said blankly.
"This language probably uses a completely different sentence structure," Heinrich said. "Most human languages are structured subject-verb-predicate. Fairy languages are structured verb-subject-predicate. This one probably uses something else entirely. Not to mention the mismatch of articles."
"Back to the drawing board, then?" Bianca sighed.
"Back to the drawing board," Heinrich agreed dejectedly.
When Idalia had offered to help two hours ago, the two had been rather hesitant to accept. Still, she'd insisted because she'd only gotten to speak with Bianca twice over the last whole week. At the time, she'd thought to herself that just being near Bianca would be enough, even though she'd known that she couldn't really help. But this was somehow even more boring than Kinu's double-period history classes.
"Why don't you guys take a break?" she finally suggested. "I'm sure that your eyes must be exhausted from squinting at tiny little squiggles for hours."
"Maybe later," Bianca said absentmindedly. "I feel like we're close to a breakthrough."
"You sure?" Idalia asked hesitantly. "It's almost dinnertime."
"You go on ahead. I'll grab something later."
"Um, okay then. I'll be back later, then."
Idalia was dejected to see that Bianca hadn't even looked up when she'd waved her goodbye. She turned and began heading back to her room. She knew that she shouldn't take it personally. This was something important to Bianca, it only made sense that she'd be so invested in it. Still, they hadn't seen each other in months. But then, it was probably foolish to think that she'd find things right as she'd left them.
It wasn't that Bianca didn't care. On the contrary, she'd been the first one to greet her at the Sky Ferry and she'd bandaged up her wounds the very next moment. But still, that hadn't been enough for her. She'd spent months looking forward to sitting underneath the stars, talking by the fireplace together as Kari played with his toys, all the things that made Idalia feel close to her.
"Oh, Ser Idalia, I didn't see you there."
Great. She'd been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed that she was about to bump into the last person that she wanted to see.
"Elder Kio," she nodded curtly before briskly striding past him.
"Taking a stroll through the gardens, then?" he chuckled awkwardly. "I was thinking of doing the same."
"Actually, I was just-"
"Perhaps I could accompany you."
Idalia resisted the urge to slap her forehead. This was shaping up to be her worst return trip in ages. It wasn't a question of whether she'd agree or not – anyone with a brain knew that there was no chance of that. It was how polite she would be about it.
"I don't think so. I was hoping to be alone," she said, smiling forcibly.
"And so was I," Kio said immediately. "I only meant whether we could walk to the gardens together, since we're headed the same way."
Only until they reach the gardens. And what was keeping him from staying once she agreed, she thought. Still, the gardens weren't too far. If they got there quickly, she could excuse herself and he wouldn't bother her again for a while.
"Fine, but only if you can keep my pace."
"Wonderful."
This was a terrible idea. She was already regretting it. Kio was trying hard to keep up, but his short Piyo legs were unsuited for anything more than a leisurely stroll. Idalia had to stop herself from rolling her eyes before slowing down just a fraction.
"How do you find Ereve?" Kio asked conversationally.
"The same," Idalia said shortly. "A bit too much the same."
"I see."
She sighed in relief, hoping that she'd shut down his attempts at idle chatter.
"Do you dislike like the familiarity?"
Perhaps hoping for some peace and quiet had been asking for too much.
"I dislike what that familiarity entails. I left because I needed to leave it behind."
"Ah. Yes. Quite understandable," Kio said, clearing his throat awkwardly.
More silence.
"I see that you and Bianca have grown close."
And suddenly, they'd swerved into a banned topic.
"You don't have to keep forcing conversation," she said brusquely.
"I- apologies. It was not my intention to pry."
Idalia opened her mouth to retort. "I'm sure there were lots of things that you didn't intend to do," she wanted to say. But just as she was about to say it, she stopped. Something about it just felt pointless. As though the anger behind it had deflated from disuse.
"Don't worry about it."
Kio's face grew surprised at the words. He quickly turned to look at Idalia, who was pointedly looking away.
"What?" she asked defensively.
"Nothing. I was just… surprised," Kio replied. "I expected to hear something else."
"This doesn't mean that I forgive you, by the way."
"Nor would I expect you to," Kio said quickly. "You have-" he began, though he quickly stopped himself. "…Actually, nevermind. I think we're long past the need for words."
Now it was Idalia's turn to be surprised. She quickly stole a look at Kio, who was looking down at his feet as he walked.
"…Thanks."
More silence. A full minute, this time.
"Can I ask you a question?" Kio suddenly asked. "You don't have to answer if you don't wish to."
"Shoot."
"When you think of us… the elders, the Senate. What do you feel?
"What?"
"You left this place because you couldn't stand to be reminded of it. When you left, did you leave those feelings behind? Do you only pick them up when you return? Or do you take them with you?"
Idalia paused for a moment, even going as far as to stop in her tracks.
"I… I don't know. I feel angry. But it's not the same as when I left. Back then, I was angry enough to kill. I would've torn the Senate Hall down brick by brick if I could. If there was a door, I would've slammed it shut. But now… I just feel tired. I'm tired of feeling angry. I hate you, but there's nothing behind the words now. It's all empty. It's not even worth feeling anymore."
"I see," Kio said. "Thank you."
Idalia paused again, this time for a few more seconds.
"…What do you feel? About me?"
"Me? I feel… ashamed. I-"
"No. Not what you did. What do you think about me? And be honest. You can't make it any worse than it already is."
"…Very well. When I think of you, I think that you've shown great inner strength. I think that you're an excellent leader. An excellent teacher. But…" he hesitated.
"Go ahead. I don't care enough to get mad anymore. I just want the truth."
"I still feel… the same disappointment in you. Even though I know it's wrong. Even though I've tried outgrowing the feeling. It's just… I've felt it for all these years. I don't know how to make it go away. Is it habit? I don't know. But I fear that despite my rationality, despite knowing better, I don't know if I'll ever move past it. I've believed in it for so long, you see. It's a phantom. I'm ashamed of it, but… I can't make it go away. Does that… answer your question?"
"It does," Idalia said. "…Thank you."
"…Does that make you hate me more?"
"It doesn't make me feel anything at all," she said shortly.
"I- I see."
They kept walking along on silence. But the satisfaction that Idalia had thought she'd feel from saying it just wasn't there. And after a minute, she hesitated.
"Actually, no. It does make me feel something. Relief."
"Relief?"
"That day, when you and the others told me that you were sorry, I didn't want to hear it. I felt like a victim. I was a victim. And I didn't want that feeling to fade. I needed the reminder that it happened. I thought that your apology was your way of brushing past it, like you were trying to make it as though I was the only one clinging to the past. I was afraid that years from now, people would fault me for not letting it go."
Kio nodded in understanding. "…I see that now. That day, we could not understand what we had done wrong. We thought that we were doing the right thing, that admitting our fault was our way of making amends. But perhaps we did not consider how you felt about it. How forcing reconciliation was, once again, a dismissal of your pain."
Idalia paused for a moment before speaking. "Hearing that you're still disappointed, even though you're trying to move past it – it makes me relieved. Because it means that you can't bury it in the past like I thought you would. That you can't let go of it any more than I can. It means that I can feel safe again. That when everything moves along, I can move along with it."
"Do you… want to move along?"
"Moving along isn't a choice. It took me all these months to figure it out, but I know that now. The world moves along no matter what, and it takes everyone with it. Nothing stays the same forever. Feelings fade in and out. Wounds become scars. Sometimes they'll open, just to close back up. Things that you can't let go of turn to dust. People who don't want to move on cling to ghosts. I don't want to let go of what happened to me. But I don't want to be stuck with that pain when it becomes just a memory that I can't tell the difference between."
"I understand," Kio nodded. "I hope that one day, that pain fades enough for you to let it go."
"…Thanks. I do too."
The gardens were just in sight. Kio cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"Well, I believe this is where we part ways. Thank you for your company, Ser Idalia."
"Yeah. Um, Same."
Kio shuffled awkwardly to the right, waddling briskly towards the topiary bushes. Idalia headed the other way and began looking for Shinsoo. The divine bird didn't come to the gardens every day, but often enough that Idalia hoped that she'd be there today too. Sure enough, Idalia spotted Shinsoo resting near the rose garden.
"Greetings, Ser Idalia," Shinsoo said. "You seem calm today."
"I do?" Idalia asked, rather surprised. That wasn't something she heard often after talking to an elder.
"Your aura is serene like the rising sun. As though a weight has been unburdened."
"Er, yeah. I guess... I guess it has."
"I saw you walking here with Elder Kio. I confess, I was rather surprised."
"You and me both. He wanted to walk with me. And we talked… for a bit."
"Indeed?"
Shinsoo gestured towards her wing with her head. Idalia sat at Shinsoo's side, looking up at the soft streaks of pink and orange in the sunset sky. She stayed like that for a moment, basking in the warmth of the air before closing her eyes.
"Shinsoo?"
"Yes?"
"Can you still hate someone if you're not angry at them anymore?"
"A curious question. Is this about Elder Kio?"
"I'm thinking about our conversation. When he first approached me, I was annoyed. But not angry. And when we were talking…. It felt civil? I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't dislike it either. If he came up to me right now, I don't think I'd feel as annoyed. What does that mean?"
"I think you might know the answer to that already, my dear."
Idalia opened her mouth to reply, then closed it. After a few moments of silence, she groaned.
"Is it bad that I'm moving on? Can I make my peace with it and still not be at peace with it?"
"Making peace and being at peace are different. One is an action, the other is a consequence. Both can be true at once. And likewise, one does not assure the other. But if you are asking for permission to make peace, I am afraid that it's not mine to give."
"Can I give you permission to give me permission?" Idalia asked, half-joking and half-serious.
Shinsoo laughed. "That's not how it works, Idalia."
Idalia sighed. "…I wonder what Bianca would say."
"Why not ask her?"
"Can't. She's busy working. That's more important right now."
"More important than the feelings of a friend?" Shinsoo asked.
Idalia turned to her side, facing away from Shinsoo. "I know I'm being petty. And selfish. But I haven't seen her in months. And being around her feels so… addictive. I feel alive when I'm with her. I just wish I knew whether she feels the same. Her being so distant lately… it feels like she doesn't, even though I rationally know that it's now how that works."
"You're very important to Bianca, I promise. She talks about you quite a bit when I see her."
"Really?" Idalia looked up eagerly. "What does she say about me?"
"I can't tell you that in good faith, unfortunately" Shinsoo reminded her. "It would betray her trust."
"I know," Idalia sighed. "But I feel like things would move smoother if you just talked to us on each other's behalf."
"Nothing worth having was attained easily," Shinsoo said. "The bonds we make must come through honesty and effort combined. Just one alone is not enough."
"Well, I've got the effort down. And she's got the honesty. Put together, we're a whole, functional person."
"Sometimes, I think you enjoy misconstruing what I say," Shinsoo smiled, shaking her head.
Idalia laughed. "Point taken, though. I'll try talking to her again. But honestly, I don't know what to tell her. I can't just say, 'Hey Bianca, I think you should delay getting your much-needed answers to give me some much-needed attention.'"
"While I wouldn't phrase it like that," Shinsoo said. "I think that sharing your honest feelings would be the prudent thing to do. You only want to spend some time together, after all."
"Yeah… you're right," Idalia intoned. "Actually, yeah, you're right. I'm not asking too much… am I?"
"Try," Shinsoo encouraged. "You won't know the answer until you do."
"Fine," Idalia sighed. "But I'm not expecting much."
Idalia stood up and brushed the grass from her clothes before heading off. Shinsoo watched the knight go, a faint smile on her lips. Idalia reminded her so much of her. Bold, passionate, and unflinchingly determined. Even still, Empress Aria was one of a kind. A once-in-a-generation force of nature whose memory now only lived on in Shinsoo's mind.
Since the age of gods had come to an end, Shinsoo had been tasked with protecting the Empress' bloodline. The images of dozens of bright women flitted in and out of her long memory. From Empress Ereve herself, Shinsoo remembered everything about the beacons that she had cradled in her wings. Hopes and fears and sadness and joy, all colors immortalized in her remembrance.
She remembered Aria in baby blue. Soft like fabric, but still bright enough to stand out in a rainbow. To anyone, Shinsoo would always say that she had no favorite Empress. And that was the honest truth. Each of them had been strong in their own ways, and she celebrated their memory as they deserved. But still, she found herself remembering Aria more than anyone else.
To her, five hundred years passed as slowly as several months for humans. The Piyos and the Noblesses believed that she had grown weaker without an Empress to claim her power, and that was still true. But it went deeper than that. The truth was that she was still in mourning.
She felt Aria, and the lack of her, everywhere. The Imperial Palace, which had destroyed in the Black Mage's attack, had been reduced to rubble and cleared away, with the empty space only serving to remind her of all that was now lost to her. In the gardens, she could still hear the echoes of Aria's laughter, when she had only been a little girl who had liked to get lost in the hedges, running from her father.
Even in spite of the centuries, Shinsoo still held faith that the Empress would return. It had been prophesized, after all, that the Empress' bloodline would correct a great imbalance. But then, had the world not fallen out of balance already? The Black Mage, Rhinne, even the World Tree, were all but gone from their world. The Transcendents, the keepers of balance, had fallen silent. The Empress was needed now, more than ever, and her descendants were lost to time.
That, more than anything, was what sometimes wavered Shinsoo's faith. She knew better than to question the will of the world. But the thoughts kept creeping into her mind like a weed. The prophecy would never come true. Aria had died the last Empress in history. The old gods, the harbingers of chaos, would return to devastate the world once again. She herself would die for a broken promise, die without meaning, unfulfilled in her purpose.
But then, she remembered Idalia. Unconsciously, the knight reminded her of Aria in so many little ways. In a way, Idalia shone like a beacon of light in these dark days. Shinsoo thought of Idalia as more than just a substitute Empress, but she still liked to bask in the familiarity of Idalia's shared habits with Aria.
When Idalia talked about Bianca, Shinsoo couldn't help but think of when Aria had fallen in love with a thief, of all people. How both Aria and Idalia's steel had melted from love. How they both hung onto every word and gesture. Shinsoo found it amusing that both Bianca and Phantom could elicit the same reactions, despite being so different. Still, she hoped that the parallels ended there. She couldn't stand to watch the same tragedy unfold twice.
. . .
"Hey, still at it?" Idalia asked.
"Yeah, we're making decent progress. Look, I think we've just about gotten that sentence down," Bianca said. "Solar position indicates hope at dawn, fairness at noon, and love at evening."
"It's probably still a bit inaccurate," Heinrich added. "But it's a lot clearer than before."
"Any idea what it means?" Idalia asked.
"Not without translating more of it," Heinrich replied. "From this sentence alone, it seems like it could be from a story. Or maybe part of some type of research."
"Still, that's exciting. You're finally getting closer to answers," Idalia said, turning to Bianca.
"Yeah… we're really close."
Something about the way Bianca spoke seemed odd to Idalia. There was almost something forced in her enthusiasm, which seemed strange in light of how excited she'd been just an hour ago.
"Hey, how about that break?" Heinrich suddenly suggested.
"Oh, um, sure," Bianca said.
"We've gotten a lot done today," Heinrich said. "Let's get some rest and pick back up tomorrow."
Heinrich began packing up his materials in his bag, while Bianca did the same. As Heinrich turned to leave, he murmured to Idalia, "She seems a bit off. You might want to check on her."
Idalia nodded silently, glad to hear the confirmation that it hadn't just been her who'd sensed Bianca's apparent trepidation. She then took Heinrich's vacant seat next to Bianca, who was still slowly packing her things.
"Everything… alright?" Idalia asked hesitantly.
"Yeah, why?" Bianca replied.
"No reason, just asking."
It was rare for them to feel awkward with each other, which made Idalia all the more worried.
"…I'm sorry," Bianca said suddenly.
"For what?" Idalia asked, surprised.
"For being distant. We've barely talked since you got here."
"Don't worry about it, really. You've been busy with the book."
"Still, that's not a good reason to ignore you."
"I haven't felt ignored, I promise," Idalia said, putting her hand on Bianca's. "I missed you, I'll admit that. But I know how important translating the book is to you."
"It's just… thinking back to the past week, all those times when you were hanging around here, you were probably asking me to forget the book for a minute. And I completely missed that. I'm such an idiot."
"Hey, you're not an idiot," Idalia said immediately, holding Bianca's hand and squeezing it. "That book has answers about everything that happened to you last year. Anyone in your position would be doing everything they could to get them. And even then, you've made time for me. You bandaged me up when I first got here. You were the first person to see me when I got back. That's not something that someone who doesn't care would do."
It was strange. Just a while ago, Idalia had been mentally preparing what she'd say to get some time with Bianca. And now, here she was justifying Bianca's distractibility.
"Besides," she added. "I probably could've communicated better. I just… felt bad about distracting you from something so important. I thought I was fine just seeing you, even if we couldn't talk, but I guess I wasn't. I should've been more honest about it."
"And I should've put more effort. I mean, you're fighting a war and you still make time to see me and Kari. You might've seen more of him than I have this week. And meanwhile, I just… shut everything out. All for that book."
"Is that… that all this is?"
"What do you mean?"
"It's just… you were really absorbed in your work. But just recently, it seems like you've pulled back. Is it because you feel like you've been shutting everything out? Or is it something else?"
Bianca shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "It's… it's nothing."
"You know that you can always be honest with me," Idalia said. "I won't push if you don't want to talk about it, but you don't have to hold back because you think that you're being a bother or something."
In spite of herself, Bianca couldn't help but smile faintly. "Guess I can't hide anything from you."
Idalia grinned back. "Goddess knows I've felt that enough not to recognize the feeling. But you helped me get past that. If I can help you for a change, then it'd be my honor."
Bianca sighed. "Well, alright. The truth is… is that I'm afraid."
"Of what's written in there?"
"Yeah. I didn't think about it all these months because I was just so desperate for answers. But it hit me earlier today, when we translated that one sentence. That it was really happening. In a few more months, maybe even a few more weeks… I'll get those answers. And I just don't know if I'm ready for what that means."
Idalia nodded in acknowledgement, keeping silent to not break Bianca's train of thought.
"All I know is that the book has something to do with Kirston. He seems to know me, and the way he talked to me… it was like he knew me really well. That's such a scary thought. That I'd be close to a man like that. I can't help thinking that the book is evil like him. And if I'm related to it all somehow… what does that say about me? I haven't told Heinrich about Kirston because of it. I thought he might not help if he knew the truth. I've been so scared of using magic because of Kirston, but what if I've used dark magic and I just can't remember it? What if I-I've killed someone, like he killed Rosalina? If I'm somehow just like him… I can't be around you or Kari. I couldn't be near either of you. I-"
"Hey, Bianca. Bi."
Bianca felt her chest tighten as she desperately gasped for air. Terror gripped her mind as the same thought cascaded in an endless loop. I'm dying. I'm going to die. I can't breathe. I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm going to die. I can't breathe. Someone stop this, I'm going to die.
"Hey, breathe for me, okay? Just breathe."
Bianca's breaths came out haggard and panicked. Idalia's first instinct was to pull her close, but she quickly realized that it would make Bianca feel even more constricted.
"You're doing great. How are you feeling? Just nod or shake."
Bianca nodded, no longer hyperventilating, but still gasping. Idalia tentatively grabbed her hand and squeezed reassuringly.
"Things might be going too fast right now. We're just gonna slow down, alright?"
Another nod.
"Let's breathe in, slowly. For the count of five."
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
"…Now let's breathe out. Again, for the count of five."
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Slowly, Bianca's shaky breath began stabilizing. Though she kept her eyes closed, she squeezed Idalia's hand tightly, as though she were afraid that it would disappear without contact.
"I'm… feeling a bit better now."
"That's good. Take as much time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
"Good," she breathed. "…I'm glad."
They stayed like that in silence for a few minutes. Idalia looked up at the night sky, filled with constellations and stardust.
"We're so small, aren't we?" Bianca said, looking up herself.
"Most of those stars have already disappeared," Idalia murmured. "But they were so bright that they even managed to outlive themselves."
"Tiny little lights. Not so tiny anymore, though."
Bianca smiled softly before turning to face Idalia.
"What if it's true, and I'm someone too dangerous to know?"
Idalia met her gaze, staring deeply into her chocolate eyes.
"Do you wanna know a secret?" she asked. "I mean, you already know a bit about it. Everyone who knows me does. But I think this might be the first time I actually tell someone."
She took a deep breath.
"I told you a while ago that I'm sick. It's not the usual kind of illness. It's like a fracture. But in my mind, not my body. And as far as I know, the only person who had it aside from me was my father. There's no real name for it, but he liked to call it fluxtide, like the ebb and flow of the ocean. When the waves come to shore, I feel… exhilarated. Energetic. I feel things in excess. When I'm angry, I get livid. When I'm happy, I feel more alive than anyone else. I can go for days without sleeping or eating or drinking."
A look of realization crossed Bianca's face. "I see. That makes sense now… all those times before."
"Those days feel incredible. But then, the tide recedes. And it doesn't just take away the joy… it takes everything. I don't feel anything at all. I mean, I feel a little. Sadness, mostly. But it feels muffled, like everything that used to have color is now grey. If I spend a week in high tide, I might spend a month without it. That's the general rule I've found, but it's not always like that. I can't control any of it."
"That sounds… horrifying."
"It's not as bad for me. My father… when he had it, he used to see things. Things that weren't really there. I remember when I was seven, he woke me up in the middle of the night and told me to pack my things. He thought that someone was coming to hurt us. He was so certain about it… and so scared. I was terrified."
Idalia paused for a moment. The memories that she had quelled were beginning to resurface, along with the fear. She shook her head, as if to clear it all away. Bianca kept a respectful silence until Idalia continued.
"When you told me that you were scared about what you'd learn from the book, it reminded me of back then. I was so afraid that what happened to my father would happen to me too. That I'd feel as helpless and uncontrollable as him. He passed away when I was twelve, and that really hurt me. It wasn't just that he died. It was the way that he died. Fluxtide isn't a physical illness. It won't kill you like a normal disease. But it'll make you feel so horrible that… that you'll just do it yourself."
Bianca immediately covered her mouth with her hands before hugging Idalia tightly. "I'm so sorry…"
Idalia felt the tears stinging in her eyes, though she quickly brushed them off with the back of her hand. Reliving her childhood was just as hard as she'd thought, but every word that she spoke felt like a stone being lifted off her shoulders. After a few moments, they broke from their embrace. Idalia took a deep breath to center herself before continuing.
"I spent a few months on the road after that. My father was an orphan too, and I don't know anything about my mother. We lived out by the wayside, so we didn't have any neighbors or anyone to notice if we were gone. I took up some odd jobs. Construction, security detailing, things like that. I knew how to take care of myself. My father taught me swordfighting early on. Probably the only useful thing to come from his delusions. And then, at my last job, I heard about the Noblesses. Took a few months to get through the background check, but after that, I finally had a real home again."
"How old were you then?"
"Almost fourteen. It wasn't long after that I made the Soul Shield light up. I wasn't the youngest Knight of Light in history, but definitely younger than most. For a few years, I thought I was in the clear. And then, I got it. Fluxtide, when I was sixteen. I thought that after seeing what it did to my father, I was prepared to handle it. But it's different when you're the one feeling it. The first few cycles, I thought my life was over. It was miserable, painful, and isolating. That was when the Senators and the elders noticed. They didn't know what it was, and by the time that they found out, they didn't care."
"That must've been awful, having to deal with it alone."
"I'm lucky that I had Shinsoo. She stayed with me through every horrible day and night. She's been around for a while and she's seen it a couple times before. She helped me get through it, got me to try again when I was just about ready to give up. She helped me realize that I'm more than just the worst things that have happened to me. The Senate had already made up its mind about me, but eventually, I just didn't care. I had Shinsoo and the other knights. Having them meant that I wouldn't die like my father, scared and alone, and that made me happier than anything else. I made a promise to myself that I would live. No matter how much scrutiny and sabotage, I would outlive them all. And that promise is the reason why I'm still around to sit here and tell you all of this."
Bianca opened her mouth to speak, but Idalia held up a hand.
"Before you start saying that I'm brave or something, I don't want to hear it. I know you mean well, and I know that I should just take the compliment, but I don't feel like any of those things right now. Sometimes, I feel like life is unfair and miserable and I might need to hear you say it then, but right now, I feel strong. I feel confident. Hearing that I did the best I could would kill the feeling. It'd make me go right back to feeling like I was barely keeping my head up while being swept away in the current. So if that's what you were gonna say, maybe save it for another day, alright? A day when I'll actually need to hear it."
"Alright," Bianca nodded in understanding. "Then in that case, I'll just say thank you. For being honest. It makes me feel like there's hope. Because if you were able to make it past your fear and your darkness, then maybe I can too. Because you're right – neither of us are alone anymore."
Bianca paused and gulped nervously. She then cleared her throat determinedly and steeled her resolve.
"And if we're both being honest today, then I have something to say too. You make me… feel things. I feel… stronger when I'm with you. When I see your face, I feel like something is brought back to life inside of me. My heart beats so fast when I think of you. When you're gone, I feel this aching pain in my chest, and it's all I can do to stop myself from following you wherever you go. You're so radiant and… and beautiful. A-And maybe nothing will come out of me telling the truth, but I need to tell you anyways. Because you're most precious friend, but it's more than that. I want to spend every minute with you, I want to know you for the rest of my life. I want you to hold me like a promise and never let me go. I-"
Bianca was interrupted by Idalia pulling her close, closing the distance between their lips. It was soft and gentle, like raindrops on a petal. Bianca's face flushed as her heart pounded against her chest, as though it might burst right out. There was a controlled intensity in the way that Idalia pushed into the softness of Bianca's lips, sending passionate waves of electric current into her. And then, Idalia suddenly pulled back, grinning in satisfaction at the way Bianca was lost for breath.
"Sorry, it's just that… I've wanted to do that for so long and I couldn't wait for you to finish talking," Idalia breathed.
Bianca's face slowly morphed from a look of surprise to pure elation.
"You did?" she asked, as though she couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"You sound surprised," Idalia beamed. "Remember how we first met? I don't just sweep any pretty girl off their feet."
Bianca began laughing earnestly. Her chest was so full of emotion that it physically hurt in the best way. "We're a cliché, aren't we? My knight in shining armor."
"Don't worry, the armor isn't here to stay," Idalia said jokingly. "After all, I can't hold you as tight as I want with all that metal in the way."
The two broke down in fits of laughter, both of them completely engulfed in emotion. Bianca pulled Idalia into another kiss, this time more passionate and intense. She wondered briefly whether it was possible to die from being in love before Idalia cupped her face, erasing any semblance of thought from her mind.
. . .
"Good morning," Heinrich greeted. "You two seem well-rested."
Bianca smiled and squeezed Idalia's hand, unable to contain her happiness. Heinrich smiled at the way the two women looked at each other, as though engulfed in a lavender haze.
"I see that your break was well-spent," he laughed. "Congratulations to you both."
"Thank you," Bianca said graciously. "It's still very new, as you can guess. But we'll figure it out as we go."
"Perhaps I'll have to wish you well at your wedding before you wish me at mine," Heinrich joked.
"Wedding?" Idalia asked, looking at Bianca in amusement. "How long have you been planning this out?"
"Longer than you'd think," Bianca joked. "I have it all mapped out in my head."
"Well then, did you plan this out too?" Idalia asked before kissing Bianca on the lips.
After she pulled back, Bianca smiled mischievously. "As a matter of fact, I did. And I think we're just about due for another one."
Heinrich grinned as he began pulling out materials from his bag, giving the two their privacy. There was something about newly bloomed love that had a way of beautifying everything around it, as though their happiness was infectious. After a few moments, Bianca pulled out of the kiss.
"Alright, time to get some actual work done," Bianca said, smiling slightly at Idalia's pouting face. "We'll have plenty of time to ourselves later."
"Fine, but I'm staying right here," Idalia said, taking a seat at the outdoor table.
"I'm sorry in advance if we don't get anything done today, Heinrich," Bianca apologized jokingly.
"Don't worry, any progress is good progress," Heinrich replied good-naturedly.
"For today, I actually wanted to try something new," Bianca said.
She took out the Book of Ancient from her bag and slipped on the ring.
"I didn't want to mention this until we had enough of a foundation on our translations, but there's something strange about the way the ring reacts to me," Bianca explained. "I told you once that the book has something to do with me because of my handwriting, but there's something else too."
Bianca moved her hand over the book, causing the ring to glow and flip the book open.
"This section right here, it doesn't normally exist in the book. At least, not to anyone other than me."
"Interesting…" Heinrich said. "May I?"
Bianca nodded, after which Heinrich picked up the book and began flipping through it.
"These sentences are much shorter. They're not even sentences really, they seem to be small phrases," he observed. "Hm… interesting. Look at this last page. It's filled with the same phrase written over and over again."
Idalia and Bianca took a look at the page, which indeed was filled with the same phrase written dozens of times in small letters. As Bianca stared intently at the text, something stirred in her mind. Just the shape of a memory, but a subtle indication that she had come across it before.
"I think… I've seen this before," Bianca said softly.
"You have?" Idalia asked in surprise. "Do you remember anything about where you've seen it?"
"No… but it's odd. It feels like I've seen this for the first time… multiple times. I don't know how to explain it."
"Then let's try translating it first," Heinrich said. "Maybe it'll give us some more answers."
He took out their complex translation chart and began tracing through the linguistic ancestry. Meanwhile, Bianca traced the shape of the letters with her finger, puzzled by why it felt so familiar. She had no recollection of having written it, but the fact that it had stirred something in her memory had to mean that she'd done it before.
Fifteen minutes later, Heinrich clapped his hands enthusiastically. "I've got it. It's not a sentence, or even a phrase. It's a spell. A verbal spell, to be more specific. Remember how I mentioned that fairy languages make use of concentric shapes, similar to spell circles? I think this language does the same. It's just three words, and I've got the first two. The first one is "remember". The second one is a conjugation, but it should mean "I am". But the last one… I've never heard of this word before."
"What is it?" Idalia asked.
"Er… that's the thing. I'm not sure about the pronunciation. From what it appears, some letter combinations in this language make different sounds. I've been able to roughly translate words based on trying out each possible combination and going through the chart, but I can't translate words that I've never come across. But we can try out those different possibilities to see if something jogs Bianca's memory."
"That sounds like it's worth a try," Idalia said.
"Yeah, that sounds good," Bianca agreed.
"Alright, give me a few minutes."
Heinrich began furiously scribbling on a piece of parchment as he rapidly began translating each possible sound combination. The two watched in impressment at the mage's speed. Ten minutes later, Heinrich dropped his quill and wiped his forehead.
"Okay, so I've got a few possibilities. I'll read them off one by one, and you tell me if you remember anything."
"Entira," he began.
He looked up at Bianca, who shook her head.
"No problem. Antira."
…
"Anmira."
…
"Enmira."
…
"Anmina."
…
"Antina."
…
"Elmira."
…
"Elmina."
Bianca jumped at the word. A memory flooded her mind. That night when Kirston had broken into their home, he had said something.
"Elmina, I've given you twenty-two of freedom, enough time for your magic to mature. And with it, I can finally unlock the Book of Ancient once more."
"That's it," Bianca said. "Elmina."
And suddenly, she felt something else stir in the recesses of her mind. A hand tracing the phrase on the pages of the book in sweeping grace. She recalled what Heinrich had translated the other words to be. Remember. I am.
"Remember I am Elmina," she murmured.
It was growing sharper. It was like something etched a thousand times in excruciating persistence.
"Remember I am Elmina," she said, louder this time.
But still, it was eluding her. The words themselves felt correct, but not right. Not the way that she remembered. What was it that she remembered?
"Heinrich, what's the direct pronunciation for that phrase?" she asked.
"Um… I don't think this is a good idea, Bianca," Heinrich said uncertainly. "Reciting an unknown spell from a strange book is dangerous."
"He's right, Bi," Idalia agreed. "We're already making some good progress. Why don't we take it slow and go carefully-"
"No. I'm so close," Bianca declared insistently. "I can feel something. Something that I have to remember. Something that I've remembered before. It's on the tip of my tongue, but it's just out of reach. I have to know what this is, I- I need to."
She grabbed Heinrich's translation parchment and began reading it earnestly. All her magic lessons, all that time working side-by-side with Heinrich, it felt as though everything had been leading up to this moment.
"Bianca, what are you-?"
"Yarana Elmina amasmee."
It was as though magical flood gates had been torn down, sending torrents of memory falling back into their proper places. They came in flashes, but crystal-clear and solid. Beautiful gemstones in the hands of a young girl. An army of winged angels, their swords burning like the sun. Dragons raining hellfire on towns. Elf-like creatures with radiant red wings. An exodus of humans being led by a knight. Snow raining down on a house in the woods. A baby crying in her arms. And countless others, all fitting together neatly in a chain that took her back to eons past.
"Bianca? Bianca!"
She awoke to the sight of Heinrich and Idalia worriedly looking at her. Idalia grabbed her frame and propped her up on one knee. Bianca stirred softly before her eyes opened in surprise.
"Hey, are you alright?" Idalia asked in concern.
"I… I remember. At last, I remember."
"Remember what?"
"Elmina. My… my name is Elmina."